FabSwingers.com forum: Feeling like a failure

By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

Whenever I plan something, I end up screwing it up and letting myself down.

Was gonna go out tomorrow but had to cancel. Now I'm gonna have to miss out being with friends again and I feel like an utter failure.

I know I shouldn't feel like this but my mind is swamped with negativity and I haven't the strength to ignore them right now.

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

When you say you screwed things up, how?

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

"Whenever I plan something, I end up screwing it up and letting myself down.

Was gonna go out tomorrow but had to cancel. Now I'm gonna have to miss out being with friends again and I feel like an utter failure.

I know I shouldn't feel like this but my mind is swamped with negativity and I haven't the strength to ignore them right now."

I think you need to be gentle with yourself op... I'm sure things feel like a lot worse than they are, but if you can chat to someone hopefully that will break the cycle of negative thinking..

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"When you say you screwed things up, how? "

It can be either if I don't go ahead with something or I've overspent.

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

"Whenever I plan something, I end up screwing it up and letting myself down.

Was gonna go out tomorrow but had to cancel. Now I'm gonna have to miss out being with friends again and I feel like an utter failure.

I know I shouldn't feel like this but my mind is swamped with negativity and I haven't the strength to ignore them right now."

Sorry to hear that mate. Mind talk can be so destructive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did you have to cancel?

If it was no fault of yours then try not to beat yourself up

That said negativity can be crippling and a hard thing to remove

I like something called the “little wins”. Go for a walk, have that cake, read the book. Anything

Something that is just for you

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

"When you say you screwed things up, how?

It can be either if I don't go ahead with something or I've overspent."

In this instance, why did you have to cancel your arrangements?

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"Why did you have to cancel?

If it was no fault of yours then try not to beat yourself up

That said negativity can be crippling and a hard thing to remove

I like something called the “little wins”. Go for a walk, have that cake, read the book. Anything

Something that is just for you "

Oh. I like this. Seconded.

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

"Why did you have to cancel?

If it was no fault of yours then try not to beat yourself up

That said negativity can be crippling and a hard thing to remove

I like something called the “little wins”. Go for a walk, have that cake, read the book. Anything

Something that is just for you "

True. And do things that are entirely in your own control

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"When you say you screwed things up, how?

It can be either if I don't go ahead with something or I've overspent.

In this instance, why did you have to cancel your arrangements? "

I've overspent

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

"When you say you screwed things up, how?

It can be either if I don't go ahead with something or I've overspent.

In this instance, why did you have to cancel your arrangements?

I've overspent"

How did you manage that?

Decided something else was more important and spent the money on that instead?

Or didn’t prioritise this event so didn’t budget for it or put money aside for it?

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

"When you say you screwed things up, how?

It can be either if I don't go ahead with something or I've overspent.

In this instance, why did you have to cancel your arrangements?

I've overspent"

OK well, we all do that... God I'm the worst for it, the key is to forgive yourself and learn from it. Can you chat to your friends and explain your situation? I'm sure they'd be happy to reschedule

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By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago

Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters

Maybe you could try setting yourself a small task or goal, or several. Even if they seem trivial on the surface. Be intentional about it, wright a list, breaking down the steps needed to get there. Start from the top, say to yourself' "right then, what first?" and then... do it.

At the end of the list write down a reward for yourself, again no matter how small it seems, and make sure to follow through with what you've decided / intended.

Sometimes, with these intrusive negative thoughts of failure and uselessness, it's about tackling the thought process inside your own head, rather than the big issue at the time that's causing them. It's about saying to yourself, "I'm going to do this thing / get this done" - and then following through and doing it, and then acknowledging to yourself your success (with a reward).

You might think this isn't helpful with small or trivial tasks / goals, but the neural pathways you start to write (or re-write) in your brain don't know or care about that.

Maybe give it a try? At the very least, focusing on something else will take your mind off your missed time with friends.

You got this - good luck!

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"When you say you screwed things up, how?

It can be either if I don't go ahead with something or I've overspent.

In this instance, why did you have to cancel your arrangements?

I've overspent

How did you manage that?

Decided something else was more important and spent the money on that instead?

Or didn’t prioritise this event so didn’t budget for it or put money aside for it?

I tried to budget and keep money aside but had to pay rent

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go back to basics for a few days. Have a good workout, a nice long walk, eat some nutritious food. Clear your mind my friend

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

"When you say you screwed things up, how?

It can be either if I don't go ahead with something or I've overspent.

In this instance, why did you have to cancel your arrangements?

I've overspent"

This is something you can change, you know where you've gone wrong so it's within your power to budget appropriately for next time.

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"When you say you screwed things up, how?

It can be either if I don't go ahead with something or I've overspent.

In this instance, why did you have to cancel your arrangements?

I've overspent

OK well, we all do that... God I'm the worst for it, the key is to forgive yourself and learn from it. Can you chat to your friends and explain your situation? I'm sure they'd be happy to reschedule "

I was going to a club event but had to cancel.

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By *ottom charlieMan
over a year ago

washington

"Whenever I plan something, I end up screwing it up and letting myself down.

Was gonna go out tomorrow but had to cancel. Now I'm gonna have to miss out being with friends again and I feel like an utter failure.

I know I shouldn't feel like this but my mind is swamped with negativity and I haven't the strength to ignore them right now."
this sounds familiar, i get like that at this time of year mainly due to dark dull days and wet weather and was told i suffer from S.A.D. (sun affected disorder) its a mild form of depression,, see your doctor for advice,,, dont go taking any tablets tho,,they never help in the long term,, good luck

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

Missing one club event does not a failure make.

Plenty of other night in the future mate.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Cut back on your spending next time. You must of spent it on more than rent.

There will be other club events

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

Well you didn't fail on that profile pic, pal.

That's a banger of an on-brand shot, nice one!

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"Missing one club event does not a failure make.

Plenty of other night in the future mate. "

I know but right now, I feel like I'll be stuck at home missing out while everyone will be enjoying themselves.

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By *ilthycoupleabzCouple
over a year ago

Aberdeen

"Missing one club event does not a failure make.

Plenty of other night in the future mate.

I know but right now, I feel like I'll be stuck at home missing out while everyone will be enjoying themselves."

It feels horrible when you have to miss out. I know that feeling too. Hugs to you.

If over spending is an issue for you, it is boring but making a spreadsheet of all your essential outgoings is really helpful. That way you know how much is left over once they are paid and can allocate that for the things you want to do.

It also helps if you can have a separate account for your spending money. That way, you know how much you can spend and still have all your bills paid.

MrsAbz (an ex overspender)

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"Whenever I plan something, I end up screwing it up and letting myself down.

Was gonna go out tomorrow but had to cancel. Now I'm gonna have to miss out being with friends again and I feel like an utter failure.

I know I shouldn't feel like this but my mind is swamped with negativity and I haven't the strength to ignore them right now. this sounds familiar, i get like that at this time of year mainly due to dark dull days and wet weather and was told i suffer from S.A.D. (sun affected disorder) its a mild form of depression,, see your doctor for advice,,, dont go taking any tablets tho,,they never help in the long term,, good luck

Tried a doctor once years back and he was useless

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Certain bills are crucial with rent being one of them. Better to have a roof over your head than a club night.

Money is tight for many and there’s always the things you don’t or forget to account for.

I used to work out what my bills were and transfer that money to a bills account, then you can’t spend it

With food I used to draw out the months food bill and split it into sealed envelopes for the month on a week by week basis.

Once the weeks food shop was spent it was spent. If there was any over that was my going out money or get a coffee money.

Winter is hard. Go to work in the dark. Come home in the dark. I don’t see my house in daylight until the weekend.

It’s easy to give advice or take advice but ultimately you have to find a way that works in the short, medium and long term for you

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By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

I have learned to create a circle of control anything outside that circle aint my fault

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We can all feel like failures when we don’t meet the goals or expectations we set for ourselves. And if you’re struggling ask yourself, are these my goals and important to me, or someone else’s goals?

Sometimes the finishing line and the medal are exactly where we already are, no running needed.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I have my direct debits come out 1st of the month so I know where I stand for the rest of the month

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

"When you say you screwed things up, how?

It can be either if I don't go ahead with something or I've overspent.

In this instance, why did you have to cancel your arrangements?

I've overspent

How did you manage that?

Decided something else was more important and spent the money on that instead?

Or didn’t prioritise this event so didn’t budget for it or put money aside for it?

I tried to budget and keep money aside but had to pay rent"

You made the right choice! Better to miss a club night than not pay your rent. Sensible isn't sexy, but it will keep a roof over your head.

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By *hunky ChefMan
over a year ago

Norwich

"Why did you have to cancel?

If it was no fault of yours then try not to beat yourself up

That said negativity can be crippling and a hard thing to remove

I like something called the “little wins”. Go for a walk, have that cake, read the book. Anything

Something that is just for you

Oh. I like this. Seconded."

Go with the cake.

It's ranked somewhere between getting a BJ or a wank.

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By *abtastic Mr FoxMan
over a year ago

A den in the Glen

As most have said buddy, prioritise your spending on crucial stuff like rent, fuel, bills and food etc. Your left overs is your luxury money. Nights out don't have to be expensive. If you have a little left just go to the club and don't get into rounds and take it easy.

I can't help myself but get into rounds and get a little generous, but I budget for it accordingly after my direct debits (at the start of the month) leave me with beer coupons.

Best of luck buddy. Chin up.

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"As most have said buddy, prioritise your spending on crucial stuff like rent, fuel, bills and food etc. Your left overs is your luxury money. Nights out don't have to be expensive. If you have a little left just go to the club and don't get into rounds and take it easy.

I can't help myself but get into rounds and get a little generous, but I budget for it accordingly after my direct debits (at the start of the month) leave me with beer coupons.

Best of luck buddy. Chin up."

I'll have to try and put some money aside in my money box so it's there when I need it because if it's in my bank account, I'll just end up spending it.

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

Being short of a few quid to go to a club night isn’t exactly that much of a balls-up, just a budgeting hiccup

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By *hromosexualsCouple
over a year ago

Near Abercynon

I'll have to try and put some money aside in my money box so it's there when I need it because if it's in my bank account, I'll just end up spending it."

There you go; seems like a simple thing but that's assessing the problem and implementing a solution. Take the positive from it and don't beat yourself up.

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

Might be worth sitting down and looking at your expenditure and identifying two things:

Firstly, identify the items in the last month or two that you now see as unnecessary, or cost more than you had planned to spend. These are the items there have deprived you of having the funds to go to your club night

Secondly; have a look at how those purchases or overspends occurred. See if you can spot trends or circumstances. Eg went out one too many nights a few weeks. Or got pissed and bought a few stupid rooked or drinks. Or bought some clothes or shoes you simply didn’t need

… and then try avoiding putting yourself in those situations where overspends occur.

This is basic budgeting / discipline, saying “if it’s in my bank account I’ll just spend it” isn’t a good enough answer

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By *inkygentkentMan
over a year ago

Maidstone

"Whenever I plan something, I end up screwing it up and letting myself down.

Was gonna go out tomorrow but had to cancel. Now I'm gonna have to miss out being with friends again and I feel like an utter failure.

I know I shouldn't feel like this but my mind is swamped with negativity and I haven't the strength to ignore them right now."

Do you suffer from SAD? I do and get similar feelings when I'm going through a bout of it

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"Whenever I plan something, I end up screwing it up and letting myself down.

Was gonna go out tomorrow but had to cancel. Now I'm gonna have to miss out being with friends again and I feel like an utter failure.

I know I shouldn't feel like this but my mind is swamped with negativity and I haven't the strength to ignore them right now.

Do you suffer from SAD? I do and get similar feelings when I'm going through a bout of it"

I'm not sure as it happens at anytime. When something goes wrong, I would feel angry with myself and then I would feel down and depressed.

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"Might be worth sitting down and looking at your expenditure and identifying two things:

… and then try avoiding putting yourself in those situations where overspends occur.

This is basic budgeting / discipline, saying “if it’s in my bank account I’ll just spend it” isn’t a good enough answer "

Putting money into a money box is the only thing I can think of as a solution

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By *cottish guy 555Man
over a year ago

London

"Whenever I plan something, I end up screwing it up and letting myself down.

Was gonna go out tomorrow but had to cancel. Now I'm gonna have to miss out being with friends again and I feel like an utter failure.

I know I shouldn't feel like this but my mind is swamped with negativity and I haven't the strength to ignore them right now.

Do you suffer from SAD? I do and get similar feelings when I'm going through a bout of it

I'm not sure as it happens at anytime. When something goes wrong, I would feel angry with myself and then I would feel down and depressed."

Snap

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

Just thought I'd give an update on how I'm feeling today.

I went for a walk this morning around town to help clear my head and I do feel better than I did yesterday.

I want to thank everyone for the advice. It can be soul crushing being in a state of mind that is clouded with negative thoughts but I know that these thoughts are just lies and I must find that strength to remember to think positive. It will be tough but hopefully, I'll get there.

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

"Just thought I'd give an update on how I'm feeling today.

I went for a walk this morning around town to help clear my head and I do feel better than I did yesterday.

Ah glad you are feeling better today OP... I know how damaging negative thoughts can be... take each day as it comes x

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"Just thought I'd give an update on how I'm feeling today.

I went for a walk this morning around town to help clear my head and I do feel better than I did yesterday.

Ah glad you are feeling better today OP... I know how damaging negative thoughts can be... take each day as it comes x"

Thanks. I will do what I can

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

"Just thought I'd give an update on how I'm feeling today.

I went for a walk this morning around town to help clear my head and I do feel better than I did yesterday.

Ah glad you are feeling better today OP... I know how damaging negative thoughts can be... take each day as it comes x

Thanks. I will do what I can

That's all any of us can do x

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"Just thought I'd give an update on how I'm feeling today.

I went for a walk this morning around town to help clear my head and I do feel better than I did yesterday.

Ah glad you are feeling better today OP... I know how damaging negative thoughts can be... take each day as it comes x

Thanks. I will do what I can

That's all any of us can do x"

Indeed. I understood that negative thoughts are nothing but lies. They can be hard to ignore but remembering that they're just lies could help

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Indeed. I understood that negative thoughts are nothing but lies. They can be hard to ignore but remembering that they're just lies could help"

Glad you are feeling better OP

Yes negative thoughts are lies but often they feel so real and hidden. Wish I could get the benefits from a walk, often just feels like a chore lol

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

Indeed. I understood that negative thoughts are nothing but lies. They can be hard to ignore but remembering that they're just lies could help

Glad you are feeling better OP

Yes negative thoughts are lies but often they feel so real and hidden. Wish I could get the benefits from a walk, often just feels like a chore lol"

Thanks. Walking never really bothered me as not only is it good exercise but is also good for the mind.

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

"Might be worth sitting down and looking at your expenditure and identifying two things:

… and then try avoiding putting yourself in those situations where overspends occur.

This is basic budgeting / discipline, saying “if it’s in my bank account I’ll just spend it” isn’t a good enough answer

Putting money into a money box is the only thing I can think of as a solution"

How about “not spending the rent money on things you don’t need”?

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By *urious couple22Couple
over a year ago

Derby

If it's out your control then note you can do if your feeling down get in at the gym start working on positivity maybe even get a blood test for your T levels..

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

"Might be worth sitting down and looking at your expenditure and identifying two things:

… and then try avoiding putting yourself in those situations where overspends occur.

This is basic budgeting / discipline, saying “if it’s in my bank account I’ll just spend it” isn’t a good enough answer

Putting money into a money box is the only thing I can think of as a solution

How about “not spending the rent money on things you don’t need”? "

And how about you show a little empathy ffs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Might be worth sitting down and looking at your expenditure and identifying two things:

… and then try avoiding putting yourself in those situations where overspends occur.

This is basic budgeting / discipline, saying “if it’s in my bank account I’ll just spend it” isn’t a good enough answer

Putting money into a money box is the only thing I can think of as a solution

How about “not spending the rent money on things you don’t need”?

And how about you show a little empathy ffs"

Well said

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

"Might be worth sitting down and looking at your expenditure and identifying two things:

… and then try avoiding putting yourself in those situations where overspends occur.

This is basic budgeting / discipline, saying “if it’s in my bank account I’ll just spend it” isn’t a good enough answer

Putting money into a money box is the only thing I can think of as a solution

How about “not spending the rent money on things you don’t need”?

And how about you show a little empathy ffs

Well said "

Thank you.... it's too easy for people to sit in judgement on others

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"Might be worth sitting down and looking at your expenditure and identifying two things:

… and then try avoiding putting yourself in those situations where overspends occur.

This is basic budgeting / discipline, saying “if it’s in my bank account I’ll just spend it” isn’t a good enough answer

Putting money into a money box is the only thing I can think of as a solution

How about “not spending the rent money on things you don’t need”?

And how about you show a little empathy ffs

Well said

Thank you.... it's too easy for people to sit in judgement on others"

Indeed. It's never good shooting down a solution I had that may work for me.

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

"Might be worth sitting down and looking at your expenditure and identifying two things:

… and then try avoiding putting yourself in those situations where overspends occur.

This is basic budgeting / discipline, saying “if it’s in my bank account I’ll just spend it” isn’t a good enough answer

Putting money into a money box is the only thing I can think of as a solution

How about “not spending the rent money on things you don’t need”?

And how about you show a little empathy ffs

Well said

Thank you.... it's too easy for people to sit in judgement on others

Indeed. It's never good shooting down a solution I had that may work for me."

Exactly do whatever works for you x

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

"Might be worth sitting down and looking at your expenditure and identifying two things:

… and then try avoiding putting yourself in those situations where overspends occur.

This is basic budgeting / discipline, saying “if it’s in my bank account I’ll just spend it” isn’t a good enough answer

Putting money into a money box is the only thing I can think of as a solution

How about “not spending the rent money on things you don’t need”?

And how about you show a little empathy ffs"

Maybe read my other responses too.

I offered constructive suggestions on how he can identify the situations / circumstances / patterns of his overspends.

But the bottom line is that this seems self-inflicted through lack of basic discipline with finances.

“Empathy” won’t change the behaviour or help him from doing the exact same thing again and again in the future.

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

"Might be worth sitting down and looking at your expenditure and identifying two things:

… and then try avoiding putting yourself in those situations where overspends occur.

This is basic budgeting / discipline, saying “if it’s in my bank account I’ll just spend it” isn’t a good enough answer

Putting money into a money box is the only thing I can think of as a solution

How about “not spending the rent money on things you don’t need”?

And how about you show a little empathy ffs

Well said

Thank you.... it's too easy for people to sit in judgement on others

Indeed. It's never good shooting down a solution I had that may work for me.

Exactly do whatever works for you x"

… and how is that working out for him?

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

"Might be worth sitting down and looking at your expenditure and identifying two things:

… and then try avoiding putting yourself in those situations where overspends occur.

This is basic budgeting / discipline, saying “if it’s in my bank account I’ll just spend it” isn’t a good enough answer

Putting money into a money box is the only thing I can think of as a solution

How about “not spending the rent money on things you don’t need”?

And how about you show a little empathy ffs

Well said

Thank you.... it's too easy for people to sit in judgement on others

Indeed. It's never good shooting down a solution I had that may work for me.

Exactly do whatever works for you x

… and how is that working out for him? "

Why don't you ask the OP... if you have nothing nice to say then zip it...

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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago

Transsexual Transylvania

"Why did you have to cancel?

If it was no fault of yours then try not to beat yourself up

That said negativity can be crippling and a hard thing to remove

I like something called the “little wins”. Go for a walk, have that cake, read the book. Anything

Something that is just for you "

I think this is a great idea.

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

"Might be worth sitting down and looking at your expenditure and identifying two things:

… and then try avoiding putting yourself in those situations where overspends occur.

This is basic budgeting / discipline, saying “if it’s in my bank account I’ll just spend it” isn’t a good enough answer

Putting money into a money box is the only thing I can think of as a solution

How about “not spending the rent money on things you don’t need”?

And how about you show a little empathy ffs

Well said

Thank you.... it's too easy for people to sit in judgement on others

Indeed. It's never good shooting down a solution I had that may work for me.

Exactly do whatever works for you x

… and how is that working out for him?

Why don't you ask the OP... if you have nothing nice to say then zip it..."

Maybe read the suggestions I actually made.

If he actually gets to the bottom of understanding and identifying the situations / triggers etc for his overspends, then he can learn how to spot them, avoid them, or avoid allowing them to cause him problems.

For example, he might find that he overspends when out with certain friends or at certain venues, or might treat himself to a shopping spree after payday, buying stuff that he doesn’t need and regrets buying.

Only he can identify the spends that he could have forgone in order to still have the money he needs for his club night.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Might be worth sitting down and looking at your expenditure and identifying two things:

… and then try avoiding putting yourself in those situations where overspends occur.

This is basic budgeting / discipline, saying “if it’s in my bank account I’ll just spend it” isn’t a good enough answer

Putting money into a money box is the only thing I can think of as a solution

How about “not spending the rent money on things you don’t need”?

And how about you show a little empathy ffs"

We all as adults know we need to budget or the essentials won't get paid. I have relatives who think they can spend money because it is in their bank like the OP says and then complain they don't have any. I don't have any empathy for them either as they brought it on themselves

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Why don't you ask the OP... if you have nothing nice to say then zip it..."

Lets keep it civil please. People don't have to answer how you want

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Maybe read the suggestions I actually made.

Only he can identify the spends that he could have forgone in order to still have the money he needs for his club night.

This

There are some good tips on this thread

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"Whenever I plan something, I end up screwing it up and letting myself down.

Was gonna go out tomorrow but had to cancel. Now I'm gonna have to miss out being with friends again and I feel like an utter failure.

I know I shouldn't feel like this but my mind is swamped with negativity and I haven't the strength to ignore them right now."
thing to do is have a kitty for fun put your fun money into it forget it until you need it or top it up with more maybe put it into a piggy bank that you can only access if you break it

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By *ensualplay69Man
over a year ago

slough

It's a choice you made, it's called being an adult. For a second I felt sorry and thought you needed a man to tell you we all go through it but this is silly

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

"Might be worth sitting down and looking at your expenditure and identifying two things:

… and then try avoiding putting yourself in those situations where overspends occur.

This is basic budgeting / discipline, saying “if it’s in my bank account I’ll just spend it” isn’t a good enough answer

Putting money into a money box is the only thing I can think of as a solution

How about “not spending the rent money on things you don’t need”?

And how about you show a little empathy ffs

And what about people who may be on the autistic spectrum or have never been taught about budgeting etc... people really should be a little less judgemental around here

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"Whenever I plan something, I end up screwing it up and letting myself down.

Was gonna go out tomorrow but had to cancel. Now I'm gonna have to miss out being with friends again and I feel like an utter failure.

I know I shouldn't feel like this but my mind is swamped with negativity and I haven't the strength to ignore them right now.thing to do is have a kitty for fun put your fun money into it forget it until you need it or top it up with more maybe put it into a piggy bank that you can only access if you break it

That's what I'm planning on doing as I've got my own money box.

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"Might be worth sitting down and looking at your expenditure and identifying two things:

… and then try avoiding putting yourself in those situations where overspends occur.

This is basic budgeting / discipline, saying “if it’s in my bank account I’ll just spend it” isn’t a good enough answer

Putting money into a money box is the only thing I can think of as a solution

How about “not spending the rent money on things you don’t need”?

And how about you show a little empathy ffs

And what about people who may be on the autistic spectrum or have never been taught about budgeting etc... people really should be a little less judgemental around here "

This is true as I'm on the autistic spectrum with Asperger's.

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

"Might be worth sitting down and looking at your expenditure and identifying two things:

… and then try avoiding putting yourself in those situations where overspends occur.

This is basic budgeting / discipline, saying “if it’s in my bank account I’ll just spend it” isn’t a good enough answer

Putting money into a money box is the only thing I can think of as a solution

How about “not spending the rent money on things you don’t need”?

And how about you show a little empathy ffs

And what about people who may be on the autistic spectrum or have never been taught about budgeting etc... people really should be a little less judgemental around here

This is true as I'm on the autistic spectrum with Asperger's."

It might be worth seeing if there's someone in your area you can talk to about managing your money x

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

And what about people who may be on the autistic spectrum or have never been taught about budgeting etc... people really should be a little less judgemental around here "

You are making this bigger than it is by bringing in factors that may not be relevant.

The man said he can't budget, if he didn't get advice about budgeting before he has now been given great advice.

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

And what about people who may be on the autistic spectrum or have never been taught about budgeting etc... people really should be a little less judgemental around here

You are making this bigger than it is by bringing in factors that may not be relevant.

The man said he can't budget, if he didn't get advice about budgeting before he has now been given great advice.

And you were being quite rude by saying you have no empathy and that people bring it on themselves, I'm merely pointing out the fact that no one else knows what goes on or what other mitigating factors there may be

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

"Might be worth sitting down and looking at your expenditure and identifying two things:

… and then try avoiding putting yourself in those situations where overspends occur.

This is basic budgeting / discipline, saying “if it’s in my bank account I’ll just spend it” isn’t a good enough answer

Putting money into a money box is the only thing I can think of as a solution

How about “not spending the rent money on things you don’t need”?

And how about you show a little empathy ffs

I have some relatives that sound like yours, spend like a d*unken sailor and then act surprised when they don’t have money for essentials. One in particular has approached me several times for loans due to “unforeseen short term cash flow problems”, and on one occasion I found out that she had taken a loan from her parents to repay the loan repayment that was due to me. All done while boasting about how successful she is! I have now removed misled from that particular merry go round.

In the early stages of my career (on a training contract), i could afford fuck all, and had no option but to learn how to manage budgets properly and stay disciplined.

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

"Might be worth sitting down and looking at your expenditure and identifying two things:

… and then try avoiding putting yourself in those situations where overspends occur.

This is basic budgeting / discipline, saying “if it’s in my bank account I’ll just spend it” isn’t a good enough answer

Putting money into a money box is the only thing I can think of as a solution

How about “not spending the rent money on things you don’t need”?

And how about you show a little empathy ffs

And what about people who may be on the autistic spectrum or have never been taught about budgeting etc... people really should be a little less judgemental around here "

Nobody “taught” me budgeting. It’s up to each of us as individuals how we control our money.

I made it up as I went along, as most of us do, making whatever decisions needed to be made in order to have money for the things I wanted to spend it on.

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

And what about people who may be on the autistic spectrum or have never been taught about budgeting etc... people really should be a little less judgemental around here

You are making this bigger than it is by bringing in factors that may not be relevant.

The man said he can't budget, if he didn't get advice about budgeting before he has now been given great advice.

Fair point re keeping things in perspective. This started out as OP being pissed off because he had to skip a club night.

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

And what about people who may be on the autistic spectrum or have never been taught about budgeting etc... people really should be a little less judgemental around here

You are making this bigger than it is by bringing in factors that may not be relevant.

The man said he can't budget, if he didn't get advice about budgeting before he has now been given great advice.

Fair point re keeping things in perspective. This started out as OP being pissed off because he had to skip a club night. "

It's not just that. It's the times where I felt like I had let myself down time and time again which would send me into a mild depression and think I was a failure.

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

"Might be worth sitting down and looking at your expenditure and identifying two things:

… and then try avoiding putting yourself in those situations where overspends occur.

This is basic budgeting / discipline, saying “if it’s in my bank account I’ll just spend it” isn’t a good enough answer

Putting money into a money box is the only thing I can think of as a solution

How about “not spending the rent money on things you don’t need”?

And how about you show a little empathy ffs

And what about people who may be on the autistic spectrum or have never been taught about budgeting etc... people really should be a little less judgemental around here

Nobody “taught” me budgeting. It’s up to each of us as individuals how we control our money.

I made it up as I went along, as most of us do, making whatever decisions needed to be made in order to have money for the things I wanted to spend it on. "

Well good for you but not every one has the same capabilities

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

And what about people who may be on the autistic spectrum or have never been taught about budgeting etc... people really should be a little less judgemental around here

You are making this bigger than it is by bringing in factors that may not be relevant.

The man said he can't budget, if he didn't get advice about budgeting before he has now been given great advice.

I wasn't rude.

Now again, lets not go down the route of changing what was presented in the previous posts.

Back to the subject please rather than you posting how people should be posting

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

And what about people who may be on the autistic spectrum or have never been taught about budgeting etc... people really should be a little less judgemental around here

You are making this bigger than it is by bringing in factors that may not be relevant.

The man said he can't budget, if he didn't get advice about budgeting before he has now been given great advice.

Fair point re keeping things in perspective. This started out as OP being pissed off because he had to skip a club night.

It's not just that. It's the times where I felt like I had let myself down time and time again which would send me into a mild depression and think I was a failure."

… which is why I suggested drilling into the causes / situations / patterns etc.

I’m not doubting that you feel bad when it happens, I’m suggesting better techniques for avoiding the problem arising in the first place.

If you look at the latest situation, for example, where did the Club Night money get spent? Any purchases or expenditure that you wish you had avoided?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Everyone has to learn to budget. I have bipolar we are we'll known for spending money but if I spent it on stupid things I'd either get in debt or not have nice things. It's about priorities

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

In the early stages of my career (on a training contract), i could afford fuck all, and had no option but to learn how to manage budgets properly and stay disciplined. "

Hmmm are we related?

I think that's the point though isn't it, you can only do so much to help some people before you have to bow out and say you need to them that they need to help themselves and me bailing you out isn't helping.

I wasn't taught how to budget to be honest, I just watched other people doing it badly so thought sod this, I am not living my life worrying when the bills are going to be paid just so I can have that luxury this week instead....but even if we are taught how to do things, some will do it, some won't.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"Whenever I plan something, I end up screwing it up and letting myself down.

Was gonna go out tomorrow but had to cancel. Now I'm gonna have to miss out being with friends again and I feel like an utter failure.

I know I shouldn't feel like this but my mind is swamped with negativity and I haven't the strength to ignore them right now."

It’s quite healthy and normal to feel bad when you make bad choices. If you’ve overspent & having to cancel socialising, then you are putting other things before it as priority, who made the choices. Start by apologising to your friends and try to do better next month

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