FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Why would you go back?

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

And please don't say you wouldn't that's not the point of this post. Ex are ex's for a reason. We know. But people do go back. I think we've probably all experienced the boomerang, where we 'throw them away'* but they come right back. What makes them do that? Why?

*The 'throw them away' means ending it, not literally discarding like an arsehole.

An ex lover of any dynamic. What makes you go back when you have actually gone back? What drove you to? Be as honest and open as you can.

I'm particularly interested in why men would go back to a woman when she's the one that ended it.

But I'm interested in everyone's perspectives.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

Because I genuinely cared about them and vise versa. It just never worked as a relationship. It took a couple of boomerangs and time not talking at all to be able to be genuine friends and nothing more. I'm very thankful for those boomerangs now although it was painful for both at the time.

N.B I was the one that ended it

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago

London

Because they're horny and it's an easier lay.

Sounds bleak but that's what it is!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hrek101Man
over a year ago

Herts

If your talking relationship, love, blind love, it's that simple

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

2 broken people feeding off the negativity and yet the sex is still awesome. At that’s how it was for me…oh how we fought like cat and dog

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have plans to "go back" as it were.

Why? I think when I genuinely like someone, it doesn't go away. Unless they're a dick, then it's gone forever! But if it ended for other reasons, life and stuff, then the feelings never went. They still look the same, they still like the same things, they are still the same person you liked.

I tend to find on here guys have a tendancy to come back.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
over a year ago

Essex

If it was a relationship of any note, then it had its good. I guess it depends on the reason(s) for it ending. Some deal breakers in your 20s are t important in your 30s, or people quit a habit that was a deal breaker….

I think the basic crux of it is - as a race, us humans just want to be happy. If something was good, then it made us happy for however a brief time that was. And given the chance for a happy/high/good feeling we’re probably going to chase it..:: simplistic, basic as it may be.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *tephanie63Woman
over a year ago

BRIDGWATER

I would go back if my latest ex wanted. I don't know why he ended it by blocking me on WhatsApp but think my lack of free time was the cause. I did really like him a lot, so feel it's worth a second go ..

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

I think we all have those friends we know we can see after years apart and pick up right where we left off.

Sometimes you can have that with friends you’re physical with as well. It’s rare, but it happens.

I can think of two right away, off the top of my head. Women who I’ve had long affairs or flings with and we’ve ended that but stayed friends. And then one day decided we wanted to start it again. The friendships remained constant, but the ‘relationship’ part (the sex part) was only there for a few years at a time. With both of them.

I don’t think I could tell you why we returned to the sex side of things, in either case, any of the times we did. At least not beyond ‘it just felt right’.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Because they're horny and it's an easier lay.

Sounds bleak but that's what it is! "

This.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Because they love the person who ended it maybe

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never ever. I always burn the bridges. Some of them can burn in hell

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Haha. Someone rings a lot of truth bells in this place, and I get sick to death agreeing with them. But, if I like someone, I like someone, and the door is always open. But,

I tried to go back once, never again will I try, because when you put your heart on the line the 1st and 2nd time and it’s trampled on and fed back to you in pieces, you become reluctant to try that battle again, because you’ve already shown them how they can hurt you, and you have scars and trauma you carry with you….

I think going back is the fear, it didn’t work then, why would it work now? If I was to have thought it was moving forward, maybe it would have worked with my ex. If both parties show that they’d be committed to trying with each other, you can see why someone might imagine it to be worth the effort. And good luck to them.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He was funny and reliable also my child's dad.

We had a really good friendship it was easy to fall back in. He was safe.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *irexMan
over a year ago

Hertford

Because sometimes it’s worth it for the sex, when you know each others needs so well and you can keep it uncomplicated. Not for rekindling a relationship though.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Because they're horny and it's an easier lay.

Sounds bleak but that's what it is! "

(For this thread only interaction)

So if the guy says he couldn't find the chemistry anywhere else, you're the best lover he's ever had, others just don't turn him on like you do, he misses what you had, blah blah blah, it's just a line, just a nicety to get you in the sheets, right? And bullshit?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I have plans to "go back" as it were.

Why? I think when I genuinely like someone, it doesn't go away. Unless they're a dick, then it's gone forever! But if it ended for other reasons, life and stuff, then the feelings never went. They still look the same, they still like the same things, they are still the same person you liked.

I tend to find on here guys have a tendancy to come back. "

For this thread only...

Why do you think men on fab have a tendency to come back? What do you think drives them to do that compared to real life?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have plans to "go back" as it were.

Why? I think when I genuinely like someone, it doesn't go away. Unless they're a dick, then it's gone forever! But if it ended for other reasons, life and stuff, then the feelings never went. They still look the same, they still like the same things, they are still the same person you liked.

I tend to find on here guys have a tendancy to come back.

For this thread only...

Why do you think men on fab have a tendency to come back? What do you think drives them to do that compared to real life?"

For this thread only...is this a new thing I've missed?

Anyway, because they want sex. They've already put the ground work in with you, they know you clearly like the same things sexually (hence why you had sex in the first place) and it's easier than looking for someone new.

Simples.

And the you turn me on more than anyone else blah blah blah is totally a line.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think we all have those friends we know we can see after years apart and pick up right where we left off.

Sometimes you can have that with friends you’re physical with as well. It’s rare, but it happens.

I can think of two right away, off the top of my head. Women who I’ve had long affairs or flings with and we’ve ended that but stayed friends. And then one day decided we wanted to start it again. The friendships remained constant, but the ‘relationship’ part (the sex part) was only there for a few years at a time. With both of them.

I don’t think I could tell you why we returned to the sex side of things, in either case, any of the times we did. At least not beyond ‘it just felt right’."

Do you think it was because you both wanted the easier lay as Bruce puts it, so it worked for both of you?

Did you have open conversations about it or did it just happen and end of its own accord?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did it because I couldn’t afford to live on my own

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

My ex was insane through drinking, half the time she did know what she wanted herself, amount of times I was dumped then she'd want to patch things up lost count. But realty kicked in for myself so I decided to dump her and I think that's when she realised that I've given up, especially when had been so much damage caused by her. It sank in maybe a shock but realized what she had an lost and took for granted. Which I find interesting how a person can start becoming so concerned how someone has been doing and just making sure that you are doing ok many years later.... Yes I did love her unconditionally but toxic behaviour at that time didn't make up for the times it was fantastic....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

If by 'go back,' you mean enter into a relationship again, then nothing. If you mean less than that, I'd go back because she was a lovely person and a very giving lover.

Alice would go back to her ex because of his huge schlong!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If by 'go back,' you mean enter into a relationship again, then nothing. If you mean less than that, I'd go back because she was a lovely person and a very giving lover.

Alice would go back to her ex because of his huge schlong! "

That made me laugh.

Go back can be in different forms can't it?

Like you go back as an Fwb when originally it was a relationship.

Maybe the relationship didn't work but fwb does.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton


"If by 'go back,' you mean enter into a relationship again, then nothing. If you mean less than that, I'd go back because she was a lovely person and a very giving lover.

Alice would go back to her ex because of his huge schlong!

That made me laugh.

Go back can be in different forms can't it?

Like you go back as an Fwb when originally it was a relationship.

Maybe the relationship didn't work but fwb does. "

Oh, I would definitely go back as FWBs and Alice quite fancies her, so that would be great!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London


"Do you think it was because you both wanted the easier lay as Bruce puts it, so it worked for both of you?"

No. With both of those women, the mutual attraction is always there. And I think always will be. But we’ve rekindled things because of both being in the right place emotionally or in terms of other life stuff.

.


"Did you have open conversations about it or did it just happen and end of its own accord?"

Sort of halfway between, I guess. Things happen. There’s a moment, maybe a touch, maybe a look, maybe a kiss … and we both know what it means and we know that means we need to talk. That talk might only be a few words - should we do this again? - but it’s still a talk.

.

I should say, I think both these relationships are in the past. One of the women has moved to Australia. The other … well, we still hang out. And while the flirting will never stop, it feels like the rest has. And that’s okay.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

I'm not sure. I think there must be something in the water because right now, it's noticeably happening in my life.

Maybe it's people realising/remembering the good times more. Maybe space gives people time to calm down and appreciate the positives more.

In terms of restarting a sexual relationship, I think that people can miss the sex. The easy intimacy that comes about without someone who knows your body and you well. Maybe over time people remember the good more than the bad.

I don't know, this is a stream of consciousness.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London


"I don't know, this is a stream of consciousness. "

Thank god I’m not the only one doing that.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

Very simply darling OP I wouldn’t go back. Ever.

Perhaps in a future time and space something may happen again. Who knows? But it certainly wouldn’t be going back to something that ended for whatever reason. Right now I only have one previous “thing” with unanswered questions. Will the answers reveal themselves eventually? Probably. Am I chasing those answers. Absolutely not.

I’m too busy being mindful and living in the moment.

Namaste

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"I don't know, this is a stream of consciousness.

Thank god I’m not the only one doing that."

Ha! No, you're not the only one. You and I are rather prone to doing it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I have plans to "go back" as it were.

Why? I think when I genuinely like someone, it doesn't go away. Unless they're a dick, then it's gone forever! But if it ended for other reasons, life and stuff, then the feelings never went. They still look the same, they still like the same things, they are still the same person you liked.

I tend to find on here guys have a tendancy to come back.

For this thread only...

Why do you think men on fab have a tendency to come back? What do you think drives them to do that compared to real life?

For this thread only...is this a new thing I've missed?

Anyway, because they want sex. They've already put the ground work in with you, they know you clearly like the same things sexually (hence why you had sex in the first place) and it's easier than looking for someone new.

Simples.

And the you turn me on more than anyone else blah blah blah is totally a line.

"

What if they have someone already?

Who they seem to be relatively into it.

Maybe they even divulge things about that partner that please them and things that don't.

What then?

Is it still a line? Are you still just an easy lay?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went back to an old fwb once. Because I was going through a really rough patch, had little to no self esteem and appreciated the attention/interest from him.

If I’m gonna feel like shit, I might as well have good sex right?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I wouldn't go back but true story most of my exs are dead. My ex husband is alive and there is more chance of hell freezing over than me getting back with him

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have plans to "go back" as it were.

Why? I think when I genuinely like someone, it doesn't go away. Unless they're a dick, then it's gone forever! But if it ended for other reasons, life and stuff, then the feelings never went. They still look the same, they still like the same things, they are still the same person you liked.

I tend to find on here guys have a tendancy to come back.

For this thread only...

Why do you think men on fab have a tendency to come back? What do you think drives them to do that compared to real life?

For this thread only...is this a new thing I've missed?

Anyway, because they want sex. They've already put the ground work in with you, they know you clearly like the same things sexually (hence why you had sex in the first place) and it's easier than looking for someone new.

Simples.

And the you turn me on more than anyone else blah blah blah is totally a line.

What if they have someone already?

Who they seem to be relatively into it.

Maybe they even divulge things about that partner that please them and things that don't.

What then?

Is it still a line? Are you still just an easy lay?"

They want their cake and whatever the rest of the saying is.

Men like sex.

Men like to brag about sex. Men also like and talk shite.

So yes.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm not sure. I think there must be something in the water because right now, it's noticeably happening in my life.

Maybe it's people realising/remembering the good times more. Maybe space gives people time to calm down and appreciate the positives more.

In terms of restarting a sexual relationship, I think that people can miss the sex. The easy intimacy that comes about without someone who knows your body and you well. Maybe over time people remember the good more than the bad.

I don't know, this is a stream of consciousness. "

The space and realisation of the good times is one option. And a positive thought as opposed to the negative it's just lines and easy lays answers given above.

How do you tell the difference? Or is it just a mindset thing?

Familiarity breeds comfort and reassurance rather than seeking a new lover who brings uncertainty and new fears.

So could they return out of lack of confidence and even laziness?

Better the devil you know than the devil don't so to speak?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ddie1966Man
over a year ago

Paper Town Central, Essex.

I suppose you have to consider why it ended in the first place.

Was it for selfish reasons. Then, in my opinion, you should never go back. It happened once and it's likely to happen again.

If, after time apart, and you still remain friends( yes, it is possible) and are comfortable with each other, then why not go back and fall in love once again.

I was once told, the grass is always greener on the other side, nut it still needs tending.

If the two parties involved accept this then go back.

Only one more time though.

More than that is being a glutton for punishment..

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never got back with an ex. Never parted with one on bad terms either.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

I can only answer from my experiences.

1. Sometimes we just need to learn that lesson... Whatever is it that needs to learnt (for example, you hold a torch for them, but they've really never changed, they prove it to you, you realise you're not crazy, then you can finally put it to rest)

2. Unfinished business... Finding out why it didn't really work in the first place, maybe your both in a better place and can see things differently now, can chat about it and it either works or you can then end it again, on better terms.

3. That familiarity, mostly to do with the sex. It really is as simple as an easy lay. (Take the FB I found again on Tinder) we've boomeranged for 8 years now. It's easy, he never gives me any grief, there's nothing more on offer and it doesn't bother me if I don't hear from him for months on end. I probably have that same appeal for him.

I always used to think it was flattering when exes came crawling back, but it's never really been of any benefit to me. They're just thinking about themselves.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London


"I was once told, the grass is always greener on the other side, but it still needs tending."

I really like that.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Beds (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

If a door has closed, why keep banging on it? ...there are other doors

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *cotsman269Man
over a year ago

Falkirk

Never reheat old meat

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Our lives were heading in very different and incompatible directions, so we stopped seeing each other.

Last year we ran into each other and we've both ended up in a place where a relationship with the other is viable, so we picked up where we left off.

If I part ways with someone for personality or genuine compatibility issues, I don't go back. But if it was just a matter of logistics, then going back is fine by me

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because when it was good it was really really good.

And I've changed my outlook in life the last few years and believe I could be the person he would have wanted me to be then.

However I would never go back on the same terms as before as I don't want that now

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Its comfortable and known. Usually just for sex though.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Because they're horny and it's an easier lay.

Sounds bleak but that's what it is! "

I mean I never have but I'm guessing this is why some men do.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iss pleasuringWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere near

Cause there was a good enough reason..s that the split was caused originally likely after failed attempts to revive it

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iss pleasuringWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere near

If she's going back. Then she's got no back bone she can't own what she says

If he's going back then it's because he know she an be manipulated amd controlled to his liking .. simples . The end

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *more226Man
over a year ago

somewhere wiltshire


"If it was a relationship of any note, then it had its good. I guess it depends on the reason(s) for it ending. Some deal breakers in your 20s are t important in your 30s, or people quit a habit that was a deal breaker….

I think the basic crux of it is - as a race, us humans just want to be happy. If something was good, then it made us happy for however a brief time that was. And given the chance for a happy/high/good feeling we’re probably going to chase it..:: simplistic, basic as it may be."
I agree with you totally it just depends on why you split

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iss pleasuringWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere near


"I would go back if my latest ex wanted. I don't know why he ended it by blocking me on WhatsApp but think my lack of free time was the cause. I did really like him a lot, so feel it's worth a second go .."

He must of known your lack of free time in the start.. dont you blame it in you.

Perhaps ypur not ready for a relationship as you say your time is lacking free time

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually


"If she's going back. Then she's got no back bone she can't own what she says

If he's going back then it's because he know she an be manipulated amd controlled to his liking .. simples . The end "

Why are the roles gender specific there?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iss pleasuringWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere near


"If she's going back. Then she's got no back bone she can't own what she says

If he's going back then it's because he know she an be manipulated amd controlled to his liking .. simples . The end

Why are the roles gender specific there? "

Cause most woman don't own what they say and most men are nasisistic amd controlling

Get over your gender shite

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Please play nice I really don't want this thread to turn nasty. I've appreciated the feedback so far and would like for it to carry on.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually


"If she's going back. Then she's got no back bone she can't own what she says

If he's going back then it's because he know she an be manipulated amd controlled to his liking .. simples . The end

Why are the roles gender specific there?

Cause most woman don't own what they say and most men are nasisistic amd controlling

Get over your gender shite"

I just asked because I'm well aware of men who don't own what they say and women who are narcissistic and controlling too. I was more wondering if it's because women are more likely to initiate an actual break up, and it was more about who played that role. But if that's your reasoning, that's your reasoning.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iss pleasuringWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere near


"If she's going back. Then she's got no back bone she can't own what she says

If he's going back then it's because he know she an be manipulated amd controlled to his liking .. simples . The end

Why are the roles gender specific there?

Cause most woman don't own what they say and most men are nasisistic amd controlling

Get over your gender shite

I just asked because I'm well aware of men who don't own what they say and women who are narcissistic and controlling too. I was more wondering if it's because women are more likely to initiate an actual break up, and it was more about who played that role. But if that's your reasoning, that's your reasoning. "

Then perhaps instead of been defensive on your first response to me, perhaps be more transparent with your reasoning

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually


"Then perhaps instead of been defensive on your first response to me, perhaps be more transparent with your reasoning "

Yes. A straight question of why is very defensive.

But at least the point is demonstrated

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

I have a few exes whom I'd love to get back with one way or another. .. But I am ethically non monogomous, so I think this question has slightly different for me.

There are only really a handful of relationships in my life which were detrimental to my well being. The rest have been lovely and I'd be happy to connect/reconnect on some level.. Maybe not intimately or sexually. But we put too much pressure on connection.. Sometimes it's not what you expect it to be. Leaving room to see what is present is precious. Just because a relationship didn't work first time in those circs, doesn't mean something else can't arise from the connection.

It's good to be clear though, what is done, what is feeding old patterns, what needs letting go of, what is pure, what is mutual or not, and what is meant to be.

Mmmmm connection is so rich!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *luttyLaylaWoman
over a year ago

North West


"Because they're horny and it's an easier lay.

Sounds bleak but that's what it is!

(For this thread only interaction)

So if the guy says he couldn't find the chemistry anywhere else, you're the best lover he's ever had, others just don't turn him on like you do, he misses what you had, blah blah blah, it's just a line, just a nicety to get you in the sheets, right? And bullshit?"

I’m great friends with all my exes… but I’d presume this was bullshit if they were feeding me these lines ha

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iss pleasuringWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere near


"I have a few exes whom I'd love to get back with one way or another. .. But I am ethically non monogomous, so I think this question has slightly different for me.

There are only really a handful of relationships in my life which were detrimental to my well being. The rest have been lovely and I'd be happy to connect/reconnect on some level.. Maybe not intimately or sexually. But we put too much pressure on connection.. Sometimes it's not what you expect it to be. Leaving room to see what is present is precious. Just because a relationship didn't work first time in those circs, doesn't mean something else can't arise from the connection.

It's good to be clear though, what is done, what is feeding old patterns, what needs letting go of, what is pure, what is mutual or not, and what is meant to be.

Mmmmm connection is so rich! "

Now.see I have a few male friends, some I have a great ...ship with . Equally I wouldn't wanna destroy that by inviting something more into the ...ship

Equally I've had relationships that have failed for one reason or another . And will not go back for any sort of ....ship. it gone finished over. People get one chance woth ne

That's just how I'm made

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton


"If she's going back. Then she's got no back bone she can't own what she says

If he's going back then it's because he know she an be manipulated amd controlled to his liking .. simples . The end

Why are the roles gender specific there?

Cause most woman don't own what they say and most men are nasisistic amd controlling

Get over your gender shite"

WTF?!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago

London


"Because they're horny and it's an easier lay.

Sounds bleak but that's what it is!

(For this thread only interaction)

So if the guy says he couldn't find the chemistry anywhere else, you're the best lover he's ever had, others just don't turn him on like you do, he misses what you had, blah blah blah, it's just a line, just a nicety to get you in the sheets, right? And bullshit?"

I don't know the guys life story so it might be, but it might also not be, obviously. Doesn't stop what I say not being true, he's still super horny.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *enatton2Couple
over a year ago

West Midlands

If I went back to my ex (I only have one) it’ll be because Ben keeps encouraging me

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I’ve only ever gone back to one ex, and I’m not even sure why really. It made me miserable and it didn’t end well. Well, I say that but I got two children out of it so I guess there is that.

Never again. Always trust you instincts.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

I’ve got an Ex (well we didn’t date technically more like fuck buddies but she wanted more) we hooked up for like 2 months & I called it quits cause of her mood swings .

She calls me occasionally on Friday nights going home from night out horny lol. I’ve told her call someone else, but something about way I fucked her tits dangling outside her window, she cum so hard she cried . Keeps her wanting me back! Oh & I was the 1st to make her squirt! Have to admit she is very freaky in bed & love her grip tight kitty too lol. She’s toxic & we not good for each other, but just for fucking we are a great match haha

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ndycoinsMan
over a year ago

Whaley Bridge,Nr Buxton,

Never go back.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eardedbloke300Man
over a year ago

cardiff

I never have gone back but there is one person that would give me genuine lingering thoughts about going back.

I'm not sure one way or another if I would and it's not because of sex either.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton


"Never go back."

Nonsense.

ALWAYS go back. Our mistakes are some of the best thing we ever did!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere else


"I have plans to "go back" as it were.

Why? I think when I genuinely like someone, it doesn't go away. Unless they're a dick, then it's gone forever! But if it ended for other reasons, life and stuff, then the feelings never went. They still look the same, they still like the same things, they are still the same person you liked.

I tend to find on here guys have a tendancy to come back.

For this thread only...

Why do you think men on fab have a tendency to come back? What do you think drives them to do that compared to real life?

For this thread only...is this a new thing I've missed?

Anyway, because they want sex. They've already put the ground work in with you, they know you clearly like the same things sexually (hence why you had sex in the first place) and it's easier than looking for someone new.

Simples.

And the you turn me on more than anyone else blah blah blah is totally a line.

What if they have someone already?

Who they seem to be relatively into it.

Maybe they even divulge things about that partner that please them and things that don't.

What then?

Is it still a line? Are you still just an easy lay?"

Sounds like they want to know if they can still get you into bed. For their ego.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

Because you love her or him as the case may be

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I guess good and bad reasons.

Sometimes people are bad for you but are like pure addiction , the kink and they know exactly how to keep you going back - that’s the bad.

The good, after a long time apart and trying other people and things you both realise what you had was once in a lifetime

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hagTonightMan
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.

I think that many of them, women also, do it for the sex, because they might have not yet found a new partner

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perhaps the spark that drew them together in first place is still there… love lust or whatever…until that is extinguished fate may keep drawing them back together….

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iss DevilWoman
over a year ago

Bedford

2 of my exes are now my FWBs. I think it's because the sexual part of our relationships was good but we just weren't suitable for each other on other levels. With one at the time we were together, we wanted different things. A chance encounter in a swingers club, a few years later, got us back in touch, eventually leading to us meeting 1:1 and deciding we still very much enjoyed sex with each other.

With the other ex- life was getting in the way too much (he had a very demanding job), to the point I had to break up with him, but we stayed in touch. Eventually, after a few years, we decided to meet again and same as with the other ex, we remembered that sex was great .

I think with both of them, when we met again, it helped that I already knew I did not want a monogamous relationship, that I was only open for them to be my FBs/FWBs. So there was much less pressure on each of us.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would go back if my latest ex wanted. I don't know why he ended it by blocking me on WhatsApp but think my lack of free time was the cause. I did really like him a lot, so feel it's worth a second go .."

A man who does that to you is not worth going to xx

That's a really harsh thing to do x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My guess is that sometimes it’s better the devil you know

Dating is hard and sometimes the task of getting to know multiple people to find one you think is ok, only for it to turn to shit 6-12 months down the line is less appealing that just rehashing old bad partners

At least you don’t have to do the dating things again, and you know their flaws

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think that many of them, women also, do it for the sex, because they might have not yet found a new partner "

Like a you're a secondary option because they haven't found someone better?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I have plans to "go back" as it were.

Why? I think when I genuinely like someone, it doesn't go away. Unless they're a dick, then it's gone forever! But if it ended for other reasons, life and stuff, then the feelings never went. They still look the same, they still like the same things, they are still the same person you liked.

I tend to find on here guys have a tendancy to come back.

For this thread only...

Why do you think men on fab have a tendency to come back? What do you think drives them to do that compared to real life?

For this thread only...is this a new thing I've missed?

Anyway, because they want sex. They've already put the ground work in with you, they know you clearly like the same things sexually (hence why you had sex in the first place) and it's easier than looking for someone new.

Simples.

And the you turn me on more than anyone else blah blah blah is totally a line.

What if they have someone already?

Who they seem to be relatively into it.

Maybe they even divulge things about that partner that please them and things that don't.

What then?

Is it still a line? Are you still just an easy lay?

Sounds like they want to know if they can still get you into bed. For their ego."

So an easy lay, all you have to do is a spin a few lines and you get your ego boosted as well as the sex.

Sounds about right doesn't it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago

London


"I think that many of them, women also, do it for the sex, because they might have not yet found a new partner

Like a you're a secondary option because they haven't found someone better?"

Can't believe I'm saying this but I think you're knocking yourself down a bit here.

What he is saying could be true. It could be. He's not confessing his love or desire to settle down with you forever is he? He's saying the connection was unlike any other (which equates to great sex)

Yes it is easier than trying to find someone new BUT it doesn't stop the possibility you are the best he has had so far, and could possibly be for the rest of time. I only slept with the person who gave the greatest sex I have had in my life twice!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ilsaGeorgeCouple
over a year ago

kent

I’ve recently restarted a relationship with someone. We met years ago, as a three (with Ailsa too), and it was great. And then one day she was gone. We were blocked etc. all the usual.

Recently she got back in touch. Apologised for vanishing, explained what happened. At this point we had a choice: we could have said, you treated us badly so we don’t want anything to do with you. Or, we could agree to meet, to listen, to see how it felt, see if that spark was still there. We choose the latter, and I’m very glad we did.

People are not perfect. We get caught up in dramas, influenced by other people. We make mistakes, we behave in ways that don’t always make sense. And after, we have regrets. We feel a need to make amends. Repair the damage, or come to some kind of understanding or reconciliation. There are people I’ve known who I have zero interest in ever speaking to again. But there are others that I’d love the chance to reconnect with. Each circumstance is different. If you had respect and kindness for someone. If it fell apart for reasons you don’t really understand. If you knew their life is difficult or complicated and maybe they made some rash decisions, then why not take a chance and let them speak. See what happens. After all, it’s already over. There is nothing to lose. But maybe something to gain Xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Strangers may advise and have opinions based on their own experiences. Without knowing both parties and the relationship that was, it wouldn’t be fair for us to make assumptions on his motive.

Specific to your OP about her ending it, how long did she take to reach that point? Have those frustrations subsided because now, she can see them as minor issues in the grand scheme of things or is she brushing them aside for the heady rush of rekindling the ‘good times’ they once had?

If both parties have been having an honest and open communication about what deteriorated the relationship before, it’s a good start to, once more, cautiously, step unto the breach and see how it goes. Perhaps, this time, they’ll both know better where the danger signs loom.

M

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inky ChefMan
over a year ago

Norwich

Short answer is love or sex.

I went back plenty of times to one woman only.

Obviously I loved her, but also sex was better with her than anyone else ever since.

There was a 22 years age gap.

She was older and couldn't have kids anymore.

Usual issue was her jealousy or my desire to have kids.

She had a calendar and ticked the days we had sex.

If it was less than 28 a month, then she asked me: "Are you fucking someone else?"

Sometimes she broke up with me, so I can find a younger woman to have kids with.

I could get a boner just from her scent.

Sometimes we had sex for 90 minutes without any break.

Yes, I used to be a good shag, then I got married.

I had a coffee with her about 5 years ago.

She was 60 and still looked good.

It didn't go anywhere, because I was about to get divorced, but was still living with my ex.

She wanted a relationship and obviously I wasn't ready for another one.

Other than that one, I had a habit in my early 30's to have sex with some of my exes between relationships.

I never burn bridges, but lost that magic in my 40's I guess.

***I'm sorry about the length***

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth


"

What if they have someone already?

Who they seem to be relatively into it.

Maybe they even divulge things about that partner that please them and things that don't.

What then?

Is it still a line? Are you still just an easy lay?"

I've thought about this, and it's incredibly disrespectful to both the current partner and whoever they're looking to get back with. You just know you'll be swapping places at some point.

I would hate to think someone was discussing me with an ex, trying to get back in their bed and I wouldn't appreciate an ex telling me about their current partner, while trying to get back into my bed.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I could find words

To tell you I'm sorry

Make you understand

I mean just what I say

After all that I've heard

Why should I worry?

When we ride the fine line

Between love and hate

If I had been wise

Well, how could I doubt you?

Now I'm all alone

The way you planned

But try as I might

I can't live without you

So I cling to the hope

Of a bright brighter day

Oh, I know we've been through this all before

How can I prove my love for you is real?

No, I can't do anymore

If I could only find words

And still i have dreams

And still I must learn to cope

Absurd as it seems

I still have hope

If I had good sense

And heed all the warnings

I would let it be

And leave all well alone

But there's no recompense

For waking up mornings

Feeling sure it's myself

Who's the foolish one?

Ex Lovers eh............who would have them?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere else


"

What if they have someone already?

Who they seem to be relatively into it.

Maybe they even divulge things about that partner that please them and things that don't.

What then?

Is it still a line? Are you still just an easy lay?

I've thought about this, and it's incredibly disrespectful to both the current partner and whoever they're looking to get back with. You just know you'll be swapping places at some point.

I would hate to think someone was discussing me with an ex, trying to get back in their bed and I wouldn't appreciate an ex telling me about their current partner, while trying to get back into my bed."

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *os19Man
over a year ago

Edmonton


"And please don't say you wouldn't that's not the point of this post. Ex are ex's for a reason. We know. But people do go back. I think we've probably all experienced the boomerang, where we 'throw them away'* but they come right back. What makes them do that? Why?

*The 'throw them away' means ending it, not literally discarding like an arsehole.

An ex lover of any dynamic. What makes you go back when you have actually gone back? What drove you to? Be as honest and open as you can.

I'm particularly interested in why men would go back to a woman when she's the one that ended it.

But I'm interested in everyone's perspectives. "
. This may sound sexist but I am going to say it.A man may go back to a woman that ended it if he couldn’t cope on his own with regards to the running of a home as in cooking , cleaning , ironing , working the washing machine. How many men would think to wash and change the bed sheets every 2-4 weeks These are things that are still mostly done by women and come more naturally.A smart man would learn some of these skills so as to be able to survive on his own.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ary69321Man
over a year ago

Newcastle upon tyne

I broke up with the ex about 3 years ago, at the beginning everything seemed fine, we talked about her problems, mainly about her mother having dementia, from the he moment I walked into her house it started, I listened every single time, because her mother was a really nice woman, so was her dad, but in the last 3 years of the relationship, we still talked about her problems even though her mother died, I have and had problems at the time, but I never got to talk about them, if we did she would get the conversation back to her, or it was who had it worse, like a competition or it felt like she was listening, but she didn't hear a word I said, 4 times I mentioned I thought about suicide, the day we broke up I said that to her, she said I didn't know you felt like that, there were loads of reasons I broke up with her and none to stay with her, so I left, I still have no one to talk to, but at least I don't have to waste my time traveling to her house.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Short answer is love or sex.

I went back plenty of times to one woman only.

Obviously I loved her, but also sex was better with her than anyone else ever since.

There was a 22 years age gap.

She was older and couldn't have kids anymore.

Usual issue was her jealousy or my desire to have kids.

She had a calendar and ticked the days we had sex.

If it was less than 28 a month, then she asked me: "Are you fucking someone else?"

Sometimes she broke up with me, so I can find a younger woman to have kids with.

I could get a boner just from her scent.

Sometimes we had sex for 90 minutes without any break.

Yes, I used to be a good shag, then I got married.

I had a coffee with her about 5 years ago.

She was 60 and still looked good.

It didn't go anywhere, because I was about to get divorced, but was still living with my ex.

She wanted a relationship and obviously I wasn't ready for another one.

Other than that one, I had a habit in my early 30's to have sex with some of my exes between relationships.

I never burn bridges, but lost that magic in my 40's I guess.

***I'm sorry about the length***"

Why did you have sex with your exes between relationships?? What was the reason for going back to those ex's?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I broke up with the ex about 3 years ago, at the beginning everything seemed fine, we talked about her problems, mainly about her mother having dementia, from the he moment I walked into her house it started, I listened every single time, because her mother was a really nice woman, so was her dad, but in the last 3 years of the relationship, we still talked about her problems even though her mother died, I have and had problems at the time, but I never got to talk about them, if we did she would get the conversation back to her, or it was who had it worse, like a competition or it felt like she was listening, but she didn't hear a word I said, 4 times I mentioned I thought about suicide, the day we broke up I said that to her, she said I didn't know you felt like that, there were loads of reasons I broke up with her and none to stay with her, so I left, I still have no one to talk to, but at least I don't have to waste my time traveling to her house."

That doesn't sound healthy at all. I hope you're in a better place and at peace with it all.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hortishblondeWoman
over a year ago

Essex

Would never get back together with my ex but lucky we have remained friends

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth


"And please don't say you wouldn't that's not the point of this post. Ex are ex's for a reason. We know. But people do go back. I think we've probably all experienced the boomerang, where we 'throw them away'* but they come right back. What makes them do that? Why?

*The 'throw them away' means ending it, not literally discarding like an arsehole.

An ex lover of any dynamic. What makes you go back when you have actually gone back? What drove you to? Be as honest and open as you can.

I'm particularly interested in why men would go back to a woman when she's the one that ended it.

But I'm interested in everyone's perspectives. . This may sound sexist but I am going to say it.A man may go back to a woman that ended it if he couldn’t cope on his own with regards to the running of a home as in cooking , cleaning , ironing , working the washing machine. How many men would think to wash and change the bed sheets every 2-4 weeks These are things that are still mostly done by women and come more naturally.A smart man would learn some of these skills so as to be able to survive on his own."

So you're saying men are stupid?

I could have sworn it was 2023, not 1953

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

What if they have someone already?

Who they seem to be relatively into it.

Maybe they even divulge things about that partner that please them and things that don't.

What then?

Is it still a line? Are you still just an easy lay?

I've thought about this, and it's incredibly disrespectful to both the current partner and whoever they're looking to get back with. You just know you'll be swapping places at some point.

I would hate to think someone was discussing me with an ex, trying to get back in their bed and I wouldn't appreciate an ex telling me about their current partner, while trying to get back into my bed."

I guess it depends on the dynamic doesn't it, some people are fine with that level of detail and knowledge and others aren't.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inky ChefMan
over a year ago

Norwich


"Short answer is love or sex.

I went back plenty of times to one woman only.

Obviously I loved her, but also sex was better with her than anyone else ever since.

There was a 22 years age gap.

She was older and couldn't have kids anymore.

Usual issue was her jealousy or my desire to have kids.

She had a calendar and ticked the days we had sex.

If it was less than 28 a month, then she asked me: "Are you fucking someone else?"

Sometimes she broke up with me, so I can find a younger woman to have kids with.

I could get a boner just from her scent.

Sometimes we had sex for 90 minutes without any break.

Yes, I used to be a good shag, then I got married.

I had a coffee with her about 5 years ago.

She was 60 and still looked good.

It didn't go anywhere, because I was about to get divorced, but was still living with my ex.

She wanted a relationship and obviously I wasn't ready for another one.

Other than that one, I had a habit in my early 30's to have sex with some of my exes between relationships.

I never burn bridges, but lost that magic in my 40's I guess.

***I'm sorry about the length***

Why did you have sex with your exes between relationships?? What was the reason for going back to those ex's?"

We had a coffee or some chat, then ended up in bed somehow.

As I said I never burned bridges, so they all still liked me at some level.

I am a nice guy in the flesh, even though some thinks here I'm a c*nt.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth


"

What if they have someone already?

Who they seem to be relatively into it.

Maybe they even divulge things about that partner that please them and things that don't.

What then?

Is it still a line? Are you still just an easy lay?

I've thought about this, and it's incredibly disrespectful to both the current partner and whoever they're looking to get back with. You just know you'll be swapping places at some point.

I would hate to think someone was discussing me with an ex, trying to get back in their bed and I wouldn't appreciate an ex telling me about their current partner, while trying to get back into my bed.

I guess it depends on the dynamic doesn't it, some people are fine with that level of detail and knowledge and others aren't."

It's a little bit like triangulation isn't it? I just remembered that was the word I was looking for! Regardless of being ok with what's discussed. The fact they're playing you off against each other

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere else


"And please don't say you wouldn't that's not the point of this post. Ex are ex's for a reason. We know. But people do go back. I think we've probably all experienced the boomerang, where we 'throw them away'* but they come right back. What makes them do that? Why?

*The 'throw them away' means ending it, not literally discarding like an arsehole.

An ex lover of any dynamic. What makes you go back when you have actually gone back? What drove you to? Be as honest and open as you can.

I'm particularly interested in why men would go back to a woman when she's the one that ended it.

But I'm interested in everyone's perspectives. . This may sound sexist but I am going to say it.A man may go back to a woman that ended it if he couldn’t cope on his own with regards to the running of a home as in cooking , cleaning , ironing , working the washing machine. How many men would think to wash and change the bed sheets every 2-4 weeks These are things that are still mostly done by women and come more naturally.A smart man would learn some of these skills so as to be able to survive on his own.

So you're saying men are stupid?

I could have sworn it was 2023, not 1953"

Zing

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere else


"

What if they have someone already?

Who they seem to be relatively into it.

Maybe they even divulge things about that partner that please them and things that don't.

What then?

Is it still a line? Are you still just an easy lay?

I've thought about this, and it's incredibly disrespectful to both the current partner and whoever they're looking to get back with. You just know you'll be swapping places at some point.

I would hate to think someone was discussing me with an ex, trying to get back in their bed and I wouldn't appreciate an ex telling me about their current partner, while trying to get back into my bed.

I guess it depends on the dynamic doesn't it, some people are fine with that level of detail and knowledge and others aren't.

It's a little bit like triangulation isn't it? I just remembered that was the word I was looking for! Regardless of being ok with what's discussed. The fact they're playing you off against each other "

That’s got to factor in.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

What if they have someone already?

Who they seem to be relatively into it.

Maybe they even divulge things about that partner that please them and things that don't.

What then?

Is it still a line? Are you still just an easy lay?

I've thought about this, and it's incredibly disrespectful to both the current partner and whoever they're looking to get back with. You just know you'll be swapping places at some point.

I would hate to think someone was discussing me with an ex, trying to get back in their bed and I wouldn't appreciate an ex telling me about their current partner, while trying to get back into my bed.

I guess it depends on the dynamic doesn't it, some people are fine with that level of detail and knowledge and others aren't.

It's a little bit like triangulation isn't it? I just remembered that was the word I was looking for! Regardless of being ok with what's discussed. The fact they're playing you off against each other "

Especially if they say the other person does the things you don't right?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

There was a time when things mattered but i think im too different a person now to then do i miss my friend yes but having my the memory of me die sucks so who knows il just sleep work sleep until life number 2

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hagTonightMan
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.


"I think that many of them, women also, do it for the sex, because they might have not yet found a new partner

Like a you're a secondary option because they haven't found someone better?

Can't believe I'm saying this but I think you're knocking yourself down a bit here.

What he is saying could be true. It could be. He's not confessing his love or desire to settle down with you forever is he? He's saying the connection was unlike any other (which equates to great sex)

Yes it is easier than trying to find someone new BUT it doesn't stop the possibility you are the best he has had so far, and could possibly be for the rest of time. I only slept with the person who gave the greatest sex I have had in my life twice!"
Yes, like a second option, someone to fall back on for the sex as well

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would go back to a previous fwb, the sex and companionship was amazing - he had a sexy accent too!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ntrigued888Woman
over a year ago

Beds

With guys I've been in a relationship, before I'd gotten over them, then yes I think I would.

Now I'm totally over them , not on your nelly.

My last fbw on the other hand, my door is always open for him.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

I have been completly happy at one point in my life losing that was like losing part of me im not sure what the future holds for me but i know its not good to hope and wish for miracles

God this place bums me out these days

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

Exes are just people. They change, you change, circumstances change. Ifnit makes sense... Why not.?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

Never gone back, never will.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

5 reasons:

1) you've waded the waters, you've realised they're fantastic actually.

2) you're not over them

3) you're hungry for sex and you know they're available and you've been there already

4) time is a healer, I really do believe in the 5555 principal.

5) the reasons for the breakup were stupid you realise that now.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth


"

It's a little bit like triangulation isn't it? I just remembered that was the word I was looking for! Regardless of being ok with what's discussed. The fact they're playing you off against each other

Especially if they say the other person does the things you don't right?"

Yes... Because if they know you're a little bit competitive then that will trigger something in you, about thinking you could do a better job, so to speak. Or if you respond well to praise, there's that too.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *obajxMan
over a year ago

Cheshire

Because when we broke up it was over something petty

When we split permenantly, we both knew it had come to an end

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And please don't say you wouldn't that's not the point of this post. Ex are ex's for a reason. We know. But people do go back. I think we've probably all experienced the boomerang, where we 'throw them away'* but they come right back. What makes them do that? Why?

*The 'throw them away' means ending it, not literally discarding like an arsehole.

An ex lover of any dynamic. What makes you go back when you have actually gone back? What drove you to? Be as honest and open as you can.

I'm particularly interested in why men would go back to a woman when she's the one that ended it.

But I'm interested in everyone's perspectives. "

I've been in love with 3 men in my life. All three of them I broke it off, and then got back with them.

The first time, I mistook missing the attention, and my empathic sadness for his broken heart for still being in love with him. He was calling me with his bleeding heart and putting his pain on me and I was young and clueless about boundaries and love. I thought that caring about him, being sad at how sad he was, meant it was worth another try. A few months later I broke it off for the second time, and for good, with very clear boundaries about how and when he could contact me.

The second time, I missed him and his company and after we had a proper heart to heart after the emotions had settled we ended up closer. Moved in together not long after. Got a cat. Lived together quite happily for 3 years but slowly grew apart. Nearly 9 years together in total, all of our twenties, we were both different people by the end, needing different lives.

The last time I did it, it was a very different dynamic, and we hadn't been together long. I wanted to believe him. I wanted to give him a chance, give "us" a chance. He'd told me everything I needed to hear, apologised, begged and pleaded, and part of me had to see for myself how full of shit he was, while another part of me had hope. It only took him 3 days to show me his promises were hollow and in under a week we broke up again.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top