FabSwingers.com forum: It was there...

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

and now it's kind of fading.

Let's say you're losing interest in someone. How do you handle/approach it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell them honestly and get on with life. No fucking about or leaving them hanging.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You didn't need to make a thread - could of just said.

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By *akbearMan
over a year ago

Newbury

"Tell them honestly and get on with life. No fucking about or leaving them hanging.

Exactly this, no point wasting each others time.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Just spend less and less time with them

If its in person stop spending time with them if its on here less and less messages

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"You didn't need to make a thread - could of just said.

I didn't want to break your heart so I thought subtle would be the way to go about it.

Sorry Lib.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

Figure out if I am losing interest in them or if it's something that makes me feel as if I am. Is it another factor influencing my mood that is making me disillusioned towards other interests.

Then if I actually am losing interest in them, tell them how I'm feeling about it. How they then take that reveal is on them

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By *illy IdolMan
over a year ago

Midlands

"and now it's kind of fading.

Let's say you're losing interest in someone. How do you handle/approach it? "

Do you reckon interest has peaks and troughs?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This always makes me sad as I struggle finding guys I like.

I don't know really, communicate less, but as I don't talk to anyone guy all the time I don't think most would notice anyway.

It would be different if it was someone I talked to everyday, then I'd tell them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like to be upfront and honest with people. I would hate to be thinking we're good but really they had lost interest.

It isn't nice but it is for the best in the long run.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m usually the one they lose interest in

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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago

Redhill

"I’m usually the one they lose interest in

Same haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m usually the one they lose interest in

What she said. I normally read it in the text message I don’t get back.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

"and now it's kind of fading.

Let's say you're losing interest in someone. How do you handle/approach it? "

Awwww

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Make less plans with them and assess how much I miss them in the times I'm used to spending with them.

If it comes up, be honest and say that I'm feeling it a little less, otherwise wait and see how those times feel and discuss it afterwards if relevant.

Sometimes too much of one person is smothering and takes away that desire. It's wonderful when you can spend ages together and it all feels amazing, but it's not always viable, and it's good to assess the external factors before saying something painful that may or may not be actually relevant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d just be honest and upfront about it. It can be really really hard (talking from personal experience).

This year I ended my 12 year long relationship as I wasn’t ‘in love’ anymore. The rest of the relationship, co-parenting and friendship were all really good. I tried for at least a year to push through but I failed. I wish I’d spoken up earlier.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

"I’m usually the one they lose interest in

I think the meaning of interest needs to be defined and the upper and lower limits of how that interest is expressed on a per relationship/friendship/whatever basis.

Less messages alone is only an indication over a longer period of time. The content of those less messages at the same time is a much more telling thing

Somebody I talk to went silent for a couple of weeks a little while ago. Had things in life for her to focus on. Once she returned the interest is still very much there in her messages.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Figure out if I am losing interest in them or if it's something that makes me feel as if I am. Is it another factor influencing my mood that is making me disillusioned towards other interests.

Then if I actually am losing interest in them, tell them how I'm feeling about it. How they then take that reveal is on them"

Yes. Sometimes your mood can be meh and it kind of makes you... lose interest in everything? It's not them, it's you. A temporary blip in things.

I like your approach, Kai.

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By *imply DeeWoman
over a year ago

Wherever

"I’m usually the one they lose interest in

Same. They usually move to more willing/available/cheerful/interesting ones, can’t blame them though.

So I don’t do anything Meli, it just fizzles out on its own.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They normally just stop replying to me

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

There have been times in the past where I haven’t even noticed myself doing this. It’s only when I get an annoyed or sad message saying “You haven’t been talking as much lately, what’s wrong?” that I’ve realised. Shit, yeah. You’re right. I did slow things down. Huh.

I guess it’s a risk when you’re not an overthinker. Sometimes the drift is not intentional. But when I notice, or have it pointed out, I start thinking about why. Thinking that maybe there was a reason I’d backed out a bit.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"and now it's kind of fading.

Let's say you're losing interest in someone. How do you handle/approach it?

Do you reckon interest has peaks and troughs?"

I'm not sure. Possibly? I don't think it's a linear thing without them, life is too messy. I guess sometimes you can be interested in someone and that doesn't waiver. It's pretty steadfast. Like when it's a mutual, reciprocated thing. You can still have that same level of interest just perhaps not show it at times?

I'm musing aloud.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"I’m usually the one they lose interest in

Same. They usually move to more willing/available/cheerful/interesting ones, can’t blame them though.

So I don’t do anything Meli, it just fizzles out on its own."

That’s a shame and I think in part because so many women on fab are chasey high-energy types, when a woman isn’t like that guys mayve think she’s not that interested ? It’s happened to me before

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"This always makes me sad as I struggle finding guys I like.

I don't know really, communicate less, but as I don't talk to anyone guy all the time I don't think most would notice anyway.

It would be different if it was someone I talked to everyday, then I'd tell them.

Why does it make you sad? Because you lose interest often?

I think if they don't notice a fizzle is fine. Neither parties are that invested and it just happens.

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By *imply DeeWoman
over a year ago

Wherever

"I’m usually the one they lose interest in

Same. They usually move to more willing/available/cheerful/interesting ones, can’t blame them though.

So I don’t do anything Meli, it just fizzles out on its own.

It often happens to me too. I’m not that confident in online interactions, due to many factors, English not being my first language being the most common one, so if they don’t initiate contact, I won’t initiate a contact either, out of fear to appear clingy and needy. But then I think it gets down to different styles and needs of communication and it’s ok.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"and now it's kind of fading.

Let's say you're losing interest in someone. How do you handle/approach it? "

Be honest op, tell them.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

There’s another thing this thread’s made me think of (thanks Meli).

The initial rush of a new friendship/infatuation (or whatever you want to call it) means you message and phone and talk and even meet all the time. There’s an intensity to it. That new relationship energy.

And things eventually slow down. Nobody can keep that adrenaline high going forever. But at that point, it’s okay. It’s not fizzling out, it’s just levelling out after the initial climb - like a ’plane that has reached its cruising altitude.

Sometimes though, one partner takes that to heart. Feels like it is a deliberate fizzling out or backing away. Even though it isn’t meant to be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This always makes me sad as I struggle finding guys I like.

I don't know really, communicate less, but as I don't talk to anyone guy all the time I don't think most would notice anyway.

It would be different if it was someone I talked to everyday, then I'd tell them.

Why does it make you sad? Because you lose interest often?

I think if they don't notice a fizzle is fine. Neither parties are that invested and it just happens. "

Because it's rare I find mutual interest. I had it recently, thought a guy was my perfect guy, have for a while. And then I had a realisation he actually wasn't, and that's sad to me. Because I don't know if I'll ever feel like that again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The why behind the change in interest is important though. You should figure that out first, see if you can remedy it or establish if it’s worth the time to do so before cutting ties. You could end up regretting it otherwise

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

"There’s another thing this thread’s made me think of (thanks Meli).

Sometimes though, one partner takes that to heart. Feels like it is a deliberate fizzling out or backing away. Even though it isn’t meant to be."

I think often that could be perceived the thrill of the chase having worn off

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

"This always makes me sad as I struggle finding guys I like.

I don't know really, communicate less, but as I don't talk to anyone guy all the time I don't think most would notice anyway.

It would be different if it was someone I talked to everyday, then I'd tell them.

Why does it make you sad? Because you lose interest often?

I think if they don't notice a fizzle is fine. Neither parties are that invested and it just happens.

I know how that feels.

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By *iss LovelyWoman
over a year ago

Here and There

For me it depends on how well I know them. If we’re just chatting I’ll try cut the convo dead and make it clear I don’t want to take it any further.

If I’ve met them once but not interested in doing it again I’ll say that if they reach out for a repeat.

I think if you’ve been seeing someone at least semi regularly or more then it’s harder. The worst thing that you can do to someone you know well is ghost or not be honest though. It’s rude and unkind. So I don’t do that.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

"I think often that could be perceived the thrill of the chase having worn off "

Yeah, I get that. For sure. But I also don’t see why that has to be a bad thing. I don’t *want* to chase someone forever. I want things to settle down into whatever it’s going to be for the long run.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

"I think often that could be perceived the thrill of the chase having worn off

If it starts really high energy and then settles to something much less in terms of message frequency etc, I guess it's also pretty easy to perceive it as a strategy...almost akin to love bombing

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
over a year ago

Essex

9 times out of 10 I’ll just be honest. Probably too blunt because I don’t want to lead someone a merry dance.

I have once taken way too long to tell someone & it nearly cost me the dearest friendship that I have.

So definitely honesty every time. It’s how I would like to be treated after all.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I’m usually the one they lose interest in

What she said. I normally read it in the text message I don’t get back.

I didn't really think about it from the other side, apologies. Yeah, I guess on the receiving end (overthinking and all that aside) you do pick up on little things don't you? Like drops in terms of endearment, nicknames. Energy in messages changing on a longer term basis. You kind of know.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure

Tina!

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

"Tina!

Yep, she’s back!

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By *illy IdolMan
over a year ago

Midlands

I guess this is the hard bit. After that initial buzz and things settle down. This can sometimes be confused with a lack of interest. I've questioned it myself. I guess time is the best indicator.

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By *iss LovelyWoman
over a year ago

Here and There

"I’m usually the one they lose interest in

What she said. I normally read it in the text message I don’t get back.

You do. Isn’t it awful though to let someone work it out for themselves? So unkind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"and now it's kind of fading.

Let's say you're losing interest in someone. How do you handle/approach it? "

Take a little time out for yourself to focus on the things you enjoy, and have a night out with friends.

However, if you're 100% sure you want to end it, don't hesitate.

Maybe it's a behaviour of his that's causing this? e.g. obsessiveness or jealousy. Communicate and see if he will change.

Without knowing the complete ins and outs it's difficult to comment (or advise) but you've always got to do what's right for you.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I would just say it as I don't believe in just ghosting someone or cooling things off while letting some one think everything is okay or is going to be okay.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"and now it's kind of fading.

Let's say you're losing interest in someone. How do you handle/approach it? "

It really is a difficult one Meli, I am finding myself in a similar position now. It is the lack of effort, openness and communication that I struggle with. My bluntness has caused issues with him already as I tend to just tell it straight so I have tried to be more patient and considerate.

My patience is now wearing very thin indeed though.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Sometimes a bit of a break works. With Christmas coming up you have the perfect excuse.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"For me it depends on how well I know them. If we’re just chatting I’ll try cut the convo dead and make it clear I don’t want to take it any further.

If I’ve met them once but not interested in doing it again I’ll say that if they reach out for a repeat.

Yes, it depends on the nature of your relationship doesn't it? Talking stage, it's quite easy to say no thank you because there's not that emotional investment. If you've been seeing them I think that it should be handled more... mindfully? With more care. Ghosting/not being honest is pretty crappy. It's difficult to do but you can still show respect.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

"Nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure

Affirmative

Good to have you back Tina , we've missed your classic comments

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

"and now it's kind of fading.

Let's say you're losing interest in someone. How do you handle/approach it? "

The only time this happened to me I put up with her awful behaviour for about eight years and then I divorced her. Luke

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

I'm getting better at telling people I'm just not feeling it, that's so much better than a slow fade or the dreaded ghosting.

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By *iss LovelyWoman
over a year ago

Here and There

"For me it depends on how well I know them. If we’re just chatting I’ll try cut the convo dead and make it clear I don’t want to take it any further.

If I’ve met them once but not interested in doing it again I’ll say that if they reach out for a repeat.

Of course. I get that this is Fab and no the standard is NSA. But for me people aren’t disposable and respect comes as standard, whether we’re having recreational sex or not. Unfortunately folk don’t always seem to operate like I do.

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By *oneybee1001Woman
over a year ago

Around and about

"I like to be upfront and honest with people. I would hate to be thinking we're good but really they had lost interest.

It isn't nice but it is for the best in the long run. "

Exactly this for me. I'm pretty straight talking in life anyway so find it best to take this approach as it works for me, but thank goodness we're not all the same

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There would be a chance the feelings would reappear. I can be flakey

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By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago

NORWAY Wherever I lay my hat

Rarely fades. It's more of a switch being suddenly turned off. If they have pissed me off I will be brutally honest; if I care about them I will try to be kind. But I have learnt from bitter experience that honesty is always the best policy

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