FabSwingers.com forum: Harassment

By *ony Mann OP Man
over a year ago

New York City New York USA

There has been alot of talk about sexual harrassment so here is a question. Is one request for sex harassment?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on the context

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who is talking?

Have you experienced it op?

I have.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Context is everything here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There has been alot of talk about sexual harrassment so here is a question. Is one request for sex harassment?"

A manager to a younger employee?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

^^ and it's usually people who don't understand that who get surprised that they're the harasser

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Depends on context. Socially, probably not. When one or both parties are at work, more likely to be yes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At work yes

In tesco yes

In a bar or pub no

Weird world

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I feel like there are grades of wrong here - there's also things that are repulsive before we get to harassment.

If a mum is picking up the kids from school and a guy comes up to her and offers her a quickie in his car, that's probably not harassment, but the context makes it much less ok than the same woman being in a pub or whatever (even if it's the same man with the same level of attraction or lack thereof)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One request to me isn't harassment if we are talking about on here.

If elsewhere then context is needed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Request seems so formal, so...

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

"There has been alot of talk about sexual harrassment so here is a question. Is one request for sex harassment?"

Probably. I honestly can't think of how there would be a conversation in those sort of terms that wasn't borderline inappropriate.

But if you mean a single "would you like to meet me?" message on here - probably not.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Depends on the wording of the request, the context, many things.

It is possible for one request to be harassment.

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By *iaisonseekerMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

It depends how the request was perceived by the recipient and whether it was reasonable for them to perceive it as harassment.

As others have said: context.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"There has been alot of talk about sexual harrassment so here is a question. Is one request for sex harassment?"

No. Not if it's the first and the only

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Who is talking?

Have you experienced it op?

I have. "

Landlord harassment twice

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"There has been alot of talk about sexual harrassment so here is a question. Is one request for sex harassment?"

I assume you mean here or a club or similar .......

If it's WORK related then yes...... it is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Asking me if I was going to get pregnant at interview.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Asking me if I was going to get pregnant at interview. "

That's not harrassment

Sexist maybe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Asking me if I was going to get pregnant at interview.

That's not harrassment

Sexist maybe "

What if it was an offer?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Asking me if I was going to get pregnant at interview. "

What kind of interviews do you go to? Mine are all formal and we definitely keep our clothes on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There has been alot of talk about sexual harrassment so here is a question. Is one request for sex harassment?"

Details mate? We need Detail!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Asking me if I was going to get pregnant at interview.

That's not harrassment

Sexist maybe

What if it was an offer?"

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By *heGateKeeperMan
over a year ago

Stratford

When I first read this my initial internal thought was that harassment had an element of ‘persistence’, ‘consistency’ or ‘regularity’.

The more I thought about it the more I realised that’s not that case at all and ‘one request’ depends a lot on context, tone and severity.

I’m thinking of cat calling as an example, which I know caused some stir in the news and on here when that was going through the reforms but is a great example of a one off instance that equates to harassment and is just wrong

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

Harassment is only harassment if it's two or more times.

The context only applies to how appropriate the request is or is not. But it is not and never will be harassment from only a single request.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Asking me if I was going to get pregnant at interview.

What kind of interviews do you go to? Mine are all formal and we definitely keep our clothes on

Has anyone EVER thought you might get pregnant ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Harassment is only harassment if it's two or more times.

The context only applies to how appropriate the request is or is not. But it is not and never will be harassment from only a single request. "

What about if it’s a bus driver?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Harassment is only harassment if it's two or more times.

The context only applies to how appropriate the request is or is not. But it is not and never will be harassment from only a single request.

What about if it’s a bus driver?"

Did he ask you to get off again? I think he was meaning depart the bus and not asking if you would get off with him (context is everything)

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By *ornucopiaMan
over a year ago

Bexley

Despite all the answers so far, I'm still trying to work out what the question means!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Despite all the answers so far, I'm still trying to work out what the question means!"

He wants to know if asking for sex once can be considered harassment. He, however, didn't provide context of how the question was asked so he quite likely is sexually harassing people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having two attractive teenage granddaughters they report harassment on a regular basis. It's a problem

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Having two attractive teenage granddaughters they report harassment on a regular basis. It's a problem

Out of interest, if they were not attractice, would it be harassment?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Having two attractive teenage granddaughters they report harassment on a regular basis. It's a problem

Out of interest, if they were not attractive, would it be harassment?"

oh ffs when will I proof read before posting

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

"Harassment is only harassment if it's two or more times.

The context only applies to how appropriate the request is or is not. But it is not and never will be harassment from only a single request.

What about if it’s a bus driver?"

A bus driver asking for sex?

Considering the OP specifically states a request for sex.

Did he ask once? Then it's inappropriate, not harassment.

Did he ask more than once? Then it's both inappropriate and harassment.

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

"Harassment is only harassment if it's two or more times.

The context only applies to how appropriate the request is or is not. But it is not and never will be harassment from only a single request. "

No, I'm not sure it's quantifiable in that way. I know what you mean in a literal sense, but in the workplace one incident w/could be considered harassment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Harassment is only harassment if it's two or more times.

The context only applies to how appropriate the request is or is not. But it is not and never will be harassment from only a single request.

No, I'm not sure it's quantifiable in that way. I know what you mean in a literal sense, but in the workplace one incident w/could be considered harassment."

It's a legal standpoint cos of course of conduct. Socially, you can still be considered a gross harassing creep by asking just the once.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One request is a question, but still might be inappropriate.

Repeated unwanted requests, particularly in the face of rejection, is most definitely harassment.

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By *melia DominaTV/TS
over a year ago

Edinburgh (She/Her)

People have mentioned context. Context means very little...

Harassment is defined as "aggressive pressure or intimidation".

Sexual harassment is defined as

"behaviour characterized by the making of unwelcome and inappropriate sexual remarks or physical advances in a workplace or other professional or social situation".

The definitions tell you everything. And they cover all areas from work, professional situations and social.

The problem is that men got away with bad etiquette and behaviour for so long, tarnishing every man with that brush. It's nigh impossible to even suggest or ask for sex in fear of repercussions with the law.

And rightly so.... brought it upon themselves and until woman can walk without fear it will stay that way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One request is a question, but still might be inappropriate.

Repeated unwanted requests, particularly in the face of rejection, is most definitely harassment."

You've been harassing people, haven't you.

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

"Harassment is only harassment if it's two or more times.

The context only applies to how appropriate the request is or is not. But it is not and never will be harassment from only a single request.

No, I'm not sure it's quantifiable in that way. I know what you mean in a literal sense, but in the workplace one incident w/could be considered harassment.

It's a legal standpoint cos of course of conduct. Socially, you can still be considered a gross harassing creep by asking just the once."

Yes, I'd agree with that too!

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

"Harassment is only harassment if it's two or more times.

The context only applies to how appropriate the request is or is not. But it is not and never will be harassment from only a single request.

No, I'm not sure it's quantifiable in that way. I know what you mean in a literal sense, but in the workplace one incident w/could be considered harassment.

It's a legal standpoint cos of course of conduct. Socially, you can still be considered a gross harassing creep by asking just the once.

Yes, I'd agree with that too!"

Which is exactly what's wrong with the world, people would rather generalise and turn something in to an umbrella term instead of being clear about exactly what happened.

It doesn't invalidate the original request or behaviour by not saying harassment but harassment is used as shock value. Let's just use the hardest hitting word we can get away with what the "context" allows us to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Harassment is only harassment if it's two or more times.

The context only applies to how appropriate the request is or is not. But it is not and never will be harassment from only a single request.

No, I'm not sure it's quantifiable in that way. I know what you mean in a literal sense, but in the workplace one incident w/could be considered harassment.

It's a legal standpoint cos of course of conduct. Socially, you can still be considered a gross harassing creep by asking just the once.

Yes, I'd agree with that too!

Which is exactly what's wrong with the world, people would rather generalise and turn something in to an umbrella term instead of being clear about exactly what happened.

I mean, much stronger language than harassment could be used. Just cos it doesn't meet the charging criteria doesn't mean it never constitutes harassment socially. It's silly to diminish awful treatment just cos of the CPS's opinion.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Asking me if I was going to get pregnant at interview.

That's not harrassment

Sexist maybe "

If a candidate is treated less favourably than another because the recruiter thinks the individual will become pregnant, the candidate is being discriminated against, per the Equality Act 2010. They are being treated less favourably because of a protected characteristic (maternity status and also probably sex-based).

It's not harassment, though. Not under the definition legally.

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By *os19Man
over a year ago

Edmonton

On one occasion at work I did something I am not proud of to one of the cleaners in a moment of madness.At the informal meeting with the cleaner , her manager , my manager I apologised and I said to the cleaner I could not explain what went through my head and if I could I wouldn’t have done what I did.The cleaner accepted my apology but left soon afterwards as she was pregnant and was going on maternity.

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

"Harassment is only harassment if it's two or more times.

The context only applies to how appropriate the request is or is not. But it is not and never will be harassment from only a single request.

No, I'm not sure it's quantifiable in that way. I know what you mean in a literal sense, but in the workplace one incident w/could be considered harassment.

It's a legal standpoint cos of course of conduct. Socially, you can still be considered a gross harassing creep by asking just the once.

Yes, I'd agree with that too!

Which is exactly what's wrong with the world, people would rather generalise and turn something in to an umbrella term instead of being clear about exactly what happened.

I'm not really sure what you're arguing, K. I think a person can be harassed by a single incident, and there's actually a very clear definition of what can constitute harassment (in a workplace context).

I've no idea what the OP did or didn't do, but I think a person at work who tries to argue they hadn't harassed someone as they only did something once would be wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People have mentioned context. Context means very little...

Harassment is defined as "aggressive pressure or intimidation".

Sexual harassment is defined as

"behaviour characterized by the making of unwelcome and inappropriate sexual remarks or physical advances in a workplace or other professional or social situation".

The definitions tell you everything. And they cover all areas from work, professional situations and social.

And rightly so.... brought it upon themselves and until woman can walk without fear it will stay that way.

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By *weetsmellingtreatsWoman
over a year ago

Gloucester

Harassment as stated above is a course of conduct crime which requires 2 or more incidents.

So one request for sex isn’t harassment.

However depending on how the request (was it grossly offensive) was made it could be malicious communication.

If in public and the recipient of said request was caused harassment, alarm or distress by the request it is feasible it could constitute a public order offence.

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By *iaisonseekerMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Harassment as stated above is a course of conduct crime which requires 2 or more incidents.

So one request for sex isn’t harassment.

However depending on how the request (was it grossly offensive) was made it could be malicious communication.

If in public and the recipient of said request was caused harassment, alarm or distress by the request it is feasible it could constitute a public order offence.

There are a number of different legal deinitions of harassment though. Sexual harassment, as defined in the Equality Act, can be a single Act although other legislation requires there to be a "course of conduct".

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By *weetsmellingtreatsWoman
over a year ago

Gloucester

"Harassment as stated above is a course of conduct crime which requires 2 or more incidents.

So one request for sex isn’t harassment.

However depending on how the request (was it grossly offensive) was made it could be malicious communication.

If in public and the recipient of said request was caused harassment, alarm or distress by the request it is feasible it could constitute a public order offence.

I couldn’t be assed to type the whole of the different legislations out.

Merely pointing out that if harassment wasn’t met, other crimes potentially could be!

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By *ony Mann OP Man
over a year ago

New York City New York USA

"There has been alot of talk about sexual harrassment so here is a question. Is one request for sex harassment?

No. Not if it's the first and the only"

I tend to agree, so long as it is not a teacher to student or employer to employee.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"There has been alot of talk about sexual harrassment so here is a question. Is one request for sex harassment?

No. Not if it's the first and the only

I tend to agree, so long as it is not a teacher to student or employer to employee. "

ACAS website defines sexual harassment as:

"Sexual harassment is unwanted behaviour of a sexual nature. To be sexual harassment, the unwanted behaviour must have either:

violated someone's dignity, whether it was intended or not

created an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment for them, whether it was intended or not"

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

"Harassment is only harassment if it's two or more times.

The context only applies to how appropriate the request is or is not. But it is not and never will be harassment from only a single request. "

I was told by the police 3 times makes it harassment.

But we definitely need context here OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One request is a question, but still might be inappropriate.

Repeated unwanted requests, particularly in the face of rejection, is most definitely harassment.

You've been harassing people, haven't you."

Not me Guv, but I've dealt with many who have......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on the context?

On a website such as this? No. It can be creepy if there is no previous communication. The amount of guys on here that think one message, means sex.

While I'm sitting on the bus. Harassment lol

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By *inda May SimmonsTV/TS
over a year ago

hexham

"There has been alot of talk about sexual harrassment so here is a question. Is one request for sex harassment?"

No!

Asking someone just once for sex is not harassment.

For harassment to be proved there must be repeated incidents.

Going up to a woman in a bar and asking her if she will have sex with you, her saying no and you walking away from her and never engaging with her again cannot be harassment. It would probably be considered by most to be at best unusual, ar worst inappropriate,

I see hall have my secretary draw out my bill and send you it for the advice given , good day

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"There has been alot of talk about sexual harrassment so here is a question. Is one request for sex harassment?

No!

Asking someone just once for sex is not harassment.

For harassment to be proved there must be repeated incidents.

I see hall have my secretary draw out my bill and send you it for the advice given , good day

Nope. If the request "violated someone's dignity, whether it was intended or not

created an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment for them, whether it was intended or not"

then it might be defined as harassment. Even if only happening once.

E.g. during an appointment, your gynaecologist suddenly says "wanna fuck?" That would be a potentially degrading, humiliating, intimidating suggestion that violated someone's dignity. It's harassment.

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

It's a double edged sword because if it was offered would still come under sexual harassment if a person wasn't interested

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By *ritIndianCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

When I was 14 I was standing at the bus stop in my school uniform and a man in his late 50’s to early 60’s came up to me and started singing Prince’s The most beautiful girl in the world before he asked me for sex while holding my wrist and standing very close. Felt like harassment to me but he only asked once as I told him my brother and his sixth form mates would be out in a minute and he soon disappeared!

Mrs

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By *oxesMan
over a year ago

Southend, Essex

"Having two attractive teenage granddaughters they report harassment on a regular basis. It's a problem

Out of interest, if they were not attractice, would it be harassment?"

The BT sport and Leeds United commentator Emma Jones does a sketch on her Instagram when she pretends to be a phone line call center to Pervy men and disseminating the Pervy comments she gets in DMs it's so funny.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Having two attractive teenage granddaughters they report harassment on a regular basis. It's a problem

Out of interest, if they were not attractice, would it be harassment?

Meh. I don't think it's funny. I think it's sad that she gets messages like that, which prompt her to make those videos.

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By *oxesMan
over a year ago

Southend, Essex

"Having two attractive teenage granddaughters they report harassment on a regular basis. It's a problem

Out of interest, if they were not attractice, would it be harassment?

Meh. I don't think it's funny. I think it's sad that she gets messages like that, which prompt her to make those videos."

I think it's sad the responses she gets . But I think it's funny how she is and to covert that in to comedy. Where we take the piss out of the sender's.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Having two attractive teenage granddaughters they report harassment on a regular basis. It's a problem

Out of interest, if they were not attractice, would it be harassment?

Meh. I don't think it's funny. I think it's sad that she gets messages like that, which prompt her to make those videos.

I think it's sad the responses she gets . But I think it's funny how she is and to covert that in to comedy. Where we take the piss out of the sender's."

If only it dissuaded others from making inappropriate comments, but from what I've seen, it doesn't

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