FabSwingers.com forum: up to 80% of residents

By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

in nursing homes apparently suffer from some form of dementia - I learnt this on the classic fm news this morning.

They also said that the quality of care for these people was only good in less than 50 % of the cases.

Do people feel that this should be given a higher priority? It seems that dementia is on the increase - as we do live longer - and with the right kind of stimulation a lot can be done to improve the quality of life for these people.

What do you guys think about it?

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By *edbagioMan
over a year ago

ripon

waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?"

Probably not but the family will.

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By *bbandflowCouple
over a year ago

South Devon

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?"

Charming!

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?"

I hope it never happens to you and anyone who cares for you has to see you go through it

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By *edbagioMan
over a year ago

ripon

save money for those in need

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

Probably not but the family will. "

If the family is THAT concerned, why are they allowing relatives to live in nursing homes?....Easy to let someone else take responsibilty and then point the finger when things go wrong or care levels aren't achieved.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?"

Well apparently they do have a mnuch better chance of having quality of life and slowing down the process of dementia plus as Petillante said, the families who visit find it comforting.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"save money for those in need

"
THey are people, mums and dads, granparents, brothers, sisters and sometimes daughters and sons to other people - as such human beings who deserve good medical and social care, surely?

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

Probably not but the family will.

"
The report was not about families or individuals complaining. It was about reserach into dementia and care homes and that things could be improved. There was no mention of individuals and responsibilities.

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By *ove bi guysWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

Probably not but the family will.

As easy as judging a family for putting someone in a home maybe ?!?

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

I hope it never happens to you and anyone who cares for you has to see you go through it"
Well, see this is what I was thinking. I thought it was a little sad. I am aware that funds are limited, priorities have to be made. It is just that sometimes it feels as if the vulnerable people in society (not just talking about elderly people and/or elderly with dementia) are sometimes forgotten in favour of those with a stronger lobby?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

Probably not but the family will.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In need of what please. Lets just hope that this never happens to either you or a family member then. That is a disgusting thing to say. People like you are ignorant of the situation, My mum suffers with this awful thing since having a stroke a few years ago. Sit there and watch a loved one each day slipping away from you, some days not knowing what day it is or where they are. Its heartbreaking i have to live with it day in day out,

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

As easy as judging a family for putting someone in a home maybe ?!?

"
I agree with you there. This is also what I was wondering - I personally know of several cases where one partner of a hitherto happy marriage simply could not look after the dementia patient any longer and they could not stay at home for their own safety. It is sometimes so easy to judge somebody when you dont know the facts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

Probably not but the family will.

Wow you are incredibly LIMITED in your assumptions. Are you that naive in assuming that everyone has a spare room, a large family, are healthy enough to actually look after someone in their 80's or 80s?

So the chap next door to my mother is 76, crippled with arthritis to the point he has to have home help, lives in a one bedroomed flat is how do you pout it not concerned, and lets someone else have responsibility through choice?

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Oh, and yes, Mr Carats aunty lives with us since being diagnosed with dementia in 2009. Palming family off to 'care' homes isn't and never was an option. Family should look after family, not pass to strangers to care for them."
I agree with you to an extent and if it were my family this would happen. No doubt! But some people simply cannot look after their elderly... so for those that have to go into a nursing home they should have good care. I would imagine it being really hard to allow one's mum or dad to go to a nursing home - most people would feel guilty I think.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"In need of what please. Lets just hope that this never happens to either you or a family member then. That is a disgusting thing to say. People like you are ignorant of the situation, My mum suffers with this awful thing since having a stroke a few years ago. Sit there and watch a loved one each day slipping away from you, some days not knowing what day it is or where they are. Its heartbreaking i have to live with it day in day out,"
That must be so tought to see

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

Probably not but the family will.

The report was not about families or individuals complaining. It was about reserach into dementia and care homes and that things could be improved. There was no mention of individuals and responsibilities."

I don't believe the careers on minimum wage who neither have the training or the enthusiasm to care for dementia patients properly.

Maybe if care homes weren't mainly private ie businesses that have to make a profit, more money could go into training and the recruitment of the right kind of carers? X

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

Probably not but the family will.

I don't believe the careers on minimum wage who neither have the training or the enthusiasm to care for dementia patients properly.

Maybe if care homes weren't mainly private ie businesses that have to make a profit, more money could go into training and the recruitment of the right kind of carers? X

"
I can see where you are coming from re minimum wages and conditions. To me caring for somebody is such an important job and yet it is rewarded so poorly.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

My son works in a home with people with dementia and they are looked after brilliantly.

Every morning they get them bathed/showered do their hair for them. They go to singing classes and all sorts.

He does tell some funny stories about having to chase them up the corrider as they have stripped naked.

Some days he will just sit and cuddle them and quite a few of them want a kiss and cuddle of him at bed time.

From what i can gather its a very well run home as im sure many are. You always here about the bad ones

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By *UNKIEMan
over a year ago

south east

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

Probably not but the family will.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"My son works in a home with people with dementia and they are looked after brilliantly.

Every morning they get them bathed/showered do their hair for them. They go to singing classes and all sorts.

He does tell some funny stories about having to chase them up the corrider as they have stripped naked.

Some days he will just sit and cuddle them and quite a few of them want a kiss and cuddle of him at bed time.

From what i can gather its a very well run home as im sure many are. You always here about the bad ones"

Sounds like your son is an ideal carer as he seems to really take to his patients. That is what is needed, warmth and stimulation.

I take your point about only ever hearing about bad examples - mind you the report was a general one and it did not single out anybody. Just a general observation that perhaps more could be done.

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By *bbandflowCouple
over a year ago

South Devon

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

Probably not but the family will.

There are dementia patients who need specialist care for their own safety. There is a spectrum of dementia, and how best managed.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Have you ever had to look after someone with dementia...its a 24/7 job and a hard 1 at that..i couldnt do it....also these care homes cost an absolute fortune ,so they have an absolute right to complain if the services arent up to scratch"
I think you are right, it must be one of the toughest jobs, bit like foster care or looking after profoundly disabled people. I am not sure I could do it 24/7 even if pay and conditions were better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

Probably not but the family will.

I don't believe the careers on minimum wage who neither have the training or the enthusiasm to care for dementia patients properly.

Maybe if care homes weren't mainly private ie businesses that have to make a profit, more money could go into training and the recruitment of the right kind of carers? X

I can see where you are coming from re minimum wages and conditions. To me caring for somebody is such an important job and yet it is rewarded so poorly. "

Apparently the worthy and most difficult jobs seem not to be worthy of a good pay rate. These are the people that should be applauded in our so called society. But unfortunately the majority think different x

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

Probably not but the family will.

There are dementia patients who need specialist care for their own safety. There is a spectrum of dementia, and how best managed. "
That is what I understood - some have minor dementia and still "manage" life reasonably well and can stay at home with some extra care... others are not so fortunate and could not be left unsupervsied at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I spent 4yrs working with people with dementia and its not only the elderly who suffer from this. I looked after some in their 40,s and it was heartbreaking. Not only for those suffering ...because until the desease takes hold..they have days where they know whats going on and that hurts the most,. Their families are lucky if they get the proper help.

Dont forget, dementia and alzheimers can cause other problems other than lose of memory.

Violence and lack of any inhibitions cause untold misery.

The many i worked with were productive members of society prior to all this and they deserve a dignified response and a good quality of care, regardless of age.

Remember folks, it can happen to anyone of us.

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By *bbandflowCouple
over a year ago

South Devon

"I spent 4yrs working with people with dementia and its not only the elderly who suffer from this. I looked after some in their 40,s and it was heartbreaking. Not only for those suffering ...because until the desease takes hold..they have days where they know whats going on and that hurts the most,. Their families are lucky if they get the proper help.

Dont forget, dementia and alzheimers can cause other problems other than lose of memory.

Violence and lack of any inhibitions cause untold misery.

The many i worked with were productive members of society prior to all this and they deserve a dignified response and a good quality of care, regardless of age.

Remember folks, it can happen to anyone of us. "

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Dont forget, dementia and alzheimers can cause other problems other than lose of memory.

Violence and lack of any inhibitions cause untold misery.

The many i worked with were productive members of society prior to all this and they deserve a dignified response and a good quality of care, regardless of age.

Remember folks, it can happen to anyone of us. "

Well said!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just another take on the issue maybe dementia patients should all be given a couple of servings every day of organic coconut oil.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Just another take on the issue maybe dementia patients should all be given a couple of servings every day of organic coconut oil. "
What does organic coconut oil do? Is it similar to the Omega 3 and 6 fattyc acid supplements like in primrose oil?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

google it it is getting very good scientific reviews and a lot of attention on all the Alzheimer's forums. very interesting results.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

Probably not but the family will.

Maybe if you read the whole thread, you will see that YES we do look after someone with dementia 24/7....I bet you're one of those that reads profiles correctly too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

Probably not but the family will.

Maybe if you read the whole thread, you will see that YES we do look after someone with dementia 24/7....I bet you're one of those that reads profiles correctly too

I have to say that's rich coming from someone who has no idea on the bigger picture on why some people have to go into care.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

Probably not but the family will.

Maybe if you read the whole thread, you will see that YES we do look after someone with dementia 24/7....I bet you're one of those that reads profiles correctly too

"
In fairness I think Bunkie was only replying to the suggestion that it was easy to look after dementia sufferers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?"

i work with people with dementia - we aim to keep them in their own homes as much as possible until thy become a danger to themselves - its not down to the families although many are very involved in the care plan and the amount of guilt carried around like you cannot imagine sometimes - as for the person not being aware - they often come back to reality and it breaks them apart to realise that they are in this state - i hope you or nobody you know and love never get to be that way as they not going to be able to rely on you are they

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

It is true then, is it not that even in a severe case of dementia the patient sometimes has moments of recognition of his/her situation?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

Probably not but the family will.

I don't believe the careers on minimum wage who neither have the training or the enthusiasm to care for dementia patients properly.

Maybe if care homes weren't mainly private ie businesses that have to make a profit, more money could go into training and the recruitment of the right kind of carers? X

£6.50 an hr i get which is crap - the amount of job satisfaction imeasurable though

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

Probably not but the family will.

I don't believe the careers on minimum wage who neither have the training or the enthusiasm to care for dementia patients properly.

Maybe if care homes weren't mainly private ie businesses that have to make a profit, more money could go into training and the recruitment of the right kind of carers? X

£6.50 an hr i get which is crap - the amount of job satisfaction imeasurable though "
I cannot understand that - I really cannot. It is sucha responsible job and so so important to ensure our parents and grandparents live with dignity and in some comfort.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

It is true then, is it not that even in a severe case of dementia the patient sometimes has moments of recognition of his/her situation? "

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

It is true then, is it not that even in a severe case of dementia the patient sometimes has moments of recognition of his/her situation?

yep = only this week an elderly lady was breaking her heart because she knew this was it for the rest of her life - people coming and going from her home - letting themselves in cos she cant always work out the keys - family running themselves ragged trying to earn enough for themselves and to pay us - very sad "
If that is the case, it is even more important to try and improve conditions for those people - it must be truly horrendous to havea moment of awakening and realising what is going on. How awful!

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By *UNKIEMan
over a year ago

south east

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

Probably not but the family will.

Maybe if you read the whole thread, you will see that YES we do look after someone with dementia 24/7....I bet you're one of those that reads profiles correctly too

In fairness I think Bunkie was only replying to the suggestion that it was easy to look after dementia sufferers.

that and if someone is paying alot of.money for care then they are entitled to complain if they feel the level of care is substandard....and yes I do read profiles (not that that has anything to do with the thread)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ive worked with some young people who dont value the job or those suffering from dementia etc....its a job end of . and it shows with the way they work. No patience and lack of care makes life hard .

Ive even reported said staff for abusing the elderly and would do it anytime i saw it.

The poor pay and sometimes lack of training means we will end up with those ill suited for the job,.

You pay peanuts and end up with monkeys........so they say

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Ive worked with some young people who dont value the job or those suffering from dementia etc....its a job end of . and it shows with the way they work. No patience and lack of care makes life hard .

Ive even reported said staff for abusing the elderly and would do it anytime i saw it.

The poor pay and sometimes lack of training means we will end up with those ill suited for the job,.

You pay peanuts and end up with monkeys........so they say

Sounds like there is a lot that could be improved. But then there was something on the news earlier that 6 members of staff ata primary school (including the head) have been suspended following an inspection where they were found to have locked pupils in a room... I do wonder sometimes....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

It is true then, is it not that even in a severe case of dementia the patient sometimes has moments of recognition of his/her situation?

yep = only this week an elderly lady was breaking her heart because she knew this was it for the rest of her life - people coming and going from her home - letting themselves in cos she cant always work out the keys - family running themselves ragged trying to earn enough for themselves and to pay us - very sad If that is the case, it is even more important to try and improve conditions for those people - it must be truly horrendous to havea moment of awakening and realising what is going on. How awful! "

i work on the mental health support side of things - its terrifying for them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately.........greed has taken over and care has taken a back seat.

Im just glad i didnt have to use the care home route for my parents or close relatives. I would have been probably arrested at some time for smacking some staff memeber for not doing their job.........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately.........greed has taken over and care has taken a back seat.

some wont give the extra bit of themselves - and i dislike that a lot - i know we have to be professional but there is a huge human element involved and i for one will give more of me if needed -

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

It is true then, is it not that even in a severe case of dementia the patient sometimes has moments of recognition of his/her situation?

yep = only this week an elderly lady was breaking her heart because she knew this was it for the rest of her life - people coming and going from her home - letting themselves in cos she cant always work out the keys - family running themselves ragged trying to earn enough for themselves and to pay us - very sad If that is the case, it is even more important to try and improve conditions for those people - it must be truly horrendous to havea moment of awakening and realising what is going on. How awful!

i work on the mental health support side of things - its terrifying for them

"
It must feel like being in a prison....I read a book recently called "Small World" by Martin Suter and he describes what it must be like - the book is very readable as it has a story line. Nonetheless also very sad.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Unfortunately.........greed has taken over and care has taken a back seat.

some wont give the extra bit of themselves - and i dislike that a lot - i know we have to be professional but there is a huge human element involved and i for one will give more of me if needed - "
It is called warmth... and humanity

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?"

Nice!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately.........greed has taken over and care has taken a back seat.

Treat others, how you would wish to be treated

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

Nice!"
As one lady said above, some residents are aware at least some of the time... so they DO know...

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

If there is a family, the family get to choose the care home. If (as many do) the family picks the one nearest and thus easiest for them to get to or they look for the cheapest.... you can't really blame the care home for not having enough trained staff if they never advertised as a specialist care provider in the first place.

In many cases it is as simple as checking out the best deal on car insurance. The information is out there for you to compare homes and the type of client they cater for. Most regions have a choice of care home which provide specialist care... some health authorities even provide all the info in one brochure.

They had a woman moaning about it on telly this morning..... and yes she picked the nearest home for her mother and then complained that the staff were not trained to meet her needs.

The facts that families need to face is, homes which cater for special needs are not the most relaxed, fresh smelling, do as you please environments. For the client’s own safety they need to be locked in the building, some will swear, some will be violent and as the deterioration progresses most will piss and shit wherever they stand or sit… and thus even if the family hasn’t opted for the nearest or cheapest, people are put off putting their parent into the right type of home with well trained staff because of the locked doors, plastic cushion covers and the screaming lady by the door with urine running down her leg.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If there is a family, the family get to choose the care home. If (as many do) the family picks the one nearest and thus easiest for them to get to or they look for the cheapest.... you can't really blame the care home for not having enough trained staff if they never advertised as a specialist care provider in the first place.

They had a woman moaning about it on telly this morning..... and yes she picked the nearest home for her mother and then complained that the staff were not trained to meet her needs.

Very true

the reality is sometimes hard to deal with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

Probably not but the family will.

Maybe if you read the whole thread, you will see that YES we do look after someone with dementia 24/7....I bet you're one of those that reads profiles correctly too

In fairness I think Bunkie was only replying to the suggestion that it was easy to look after dementia sufferers.

Well, whichever post implied that it was easy to look after dementia sufferers, maybe that's the post that should have been quoted when making the remark whether or not we have to look after someone with dementia 24/7, rather than quoting our post which had nothing to do with EASE of care. Perhaps would have avoided confusion?

Anyway Bunkie, apologies from us if your quoted post was a general post rather than aimed our personal opinion and experience.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Sounds like it is part of reality - just does not sound like something I would want for my relatives. But I guess it is also a matter of what funds are available tp pay for some better equipped options.

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By *oulou45Woman
over a year ago

Bucks

"My son works in a home with people with dementia and they are looked after brilliantly.

Every morning they get them bathed/showered do their hair for them. They go to singing classes and all sorts.

He does tell some funny stories about having to chase them up the corrider as they have stripped naked.

Some days he will just sit and cuddle them and quite a few of them want a kiss and cuddle of him at bed time.

From what i can gather its a very well run home as im sure many are. You always here about the bad ones"
It sounds a lot like the home I work at,only ours is learning disabilities and challenging behaviour. We here to much about the bad homes nothing about the good ones.

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By *ucsparkMan
over a year ago

dudley

I truly believe everyone should get a minimum level of care, no matter what their condition. The care homes need to invest in training

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I truly believe everyone should get a minimum level of care, no matter what their condition. The care homes need to invest in training"
maybe something vould be done about the recruitment process as well?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just reading about the occasional kiss on the cheek and the cuddle reminds me about the rules assocciated with working within social services......

Its NOT allowed, especially with those with learning disabilities....

When all someone wants is a cuddle and you are not allowed is hard.

Its all done for the benefit of those who work ..ie the carer ...because of possible abuse situations etc...

But try explaining to those you are caring for....hard to say the least.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Just reading about the occasional kiss on the cheek and the cuddle reminds me about the rules assocciated with working within social services......

Its NOT allowed, especially with those with learning disabilities....

When all someone wants is a cuddle and you are not allowed is hard.

Its all done for the benefit of those who work ..ie the carer ...because of possible abuse situations etc...

But try explaining to those you are caring for....hard to say the least. "
IS this because of safeguarding as it could be misread as a crossing of boundaries?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just reading about the occasional kiss on the cheek and the cuddle reminds me about the rules assocciated with working within social services......

Its NOT allowed, especially with those with learning disabilities....

When all someone wants is a cuddle and you are not allowed is hard.

Its all done for the benefit of those who work ..ie the carer ...because of possible abuse situations etc...

But try explaining to those you are caring for....hard to say the least. "

i know and sometimes a bloody good cuddle would do wonders

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just reading about the occasional kiss on the cheek and the cuddle reminds me about the rules assocciated with working within social services......

Its NOT allowed, especially with those with learning disabilities....

When all someone wants is a cuddle and you are not allowed is hard.

Its all done for the benefit of those who work ..ie the carer ...because of possible abuse situations etc...

But try explaining to those you are caring for....hard to say the least. IS this because of safeguarding as it could be misread as a crossing of boundaries? "

Yes.

though knowing its for the best for both sides, doesnt make it easier. My natural way of doing things would be a great big cuddle when someone is upset , and knowing you cant do it if difficult

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Just been googling the bit about coconut oil in the treatment of Alzheimers.. there seems to be some anecdotal evidence that it can help. It was really interesting to read and once it has been researched properly then this would be a fairly inexpensive form of treatment without dangerous side effects.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

Probably not but the family will.

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Sounds like it is part of reality - just does not sound like something I would want for my relatives."

And that's part of the problem... families choosing against what they would 'want' (usually aesthetically) rather than the ability to meet the needs of their relative.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Just reading about the occasional kiss on the cheek and the cuddle reminds me about the rules assocciated with working within social services......

Its NOT allowed, especially with those with learning disabilities....

When all someone wants is a cuddle and you are not allowed is hard.

Its all done for the benefit of those who work ..ie the carer ...because of possible abuse situations etc...

But try explaining to those you are caring for....hard to say the least. IS this because of safeguarding as it could be misread as a crossing of boundaries?

Yes.

though knowing its for the best for both sides, doesnt make it easier. My natural way of doing things would be a great big cuddle when someone is upset , and knowing you cant do it if difficult

Same I guess as in nursery schools and schools. When I was a child it was the norm that teachers gave the youngsters a cuddle when they had fallen over and hurt themselves but no longer allowed as it is considered inappropriate (and I can understand the reasons behind it)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are some new fantastic drugs out there for dementia and alzheimers but they are so expensive that they are not given out.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"There are some new fantastic drugs out there for dementia and alzheimers but they are so expensive that they are not given out.

"
SO it is down to funds and maybe also where people live?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?"

It is abuse in the same way as if it were a child. People with dementia deserve to be treated with care and respect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that in regards to alot of care and medication...its a postcode lottery these days .

And as polo said (roundabout)... some families look at whats good for them and not always the family member who needs the care.

Money and services dictate whats on offer

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

It is abuse in the same way as if it were a child. People with dementia deserve to be treated with care and respect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

Probably not but the family will.

Have you tried to care for a person with dementia? If not you are really in no place to judge. Families who finally put people into care only do so as a last resort in many cases as they simply cannot cope and cannot keep the person or themselves safe. Clearly more education on this subject is needed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

Probably not but the family will.

TRUE

I met a 89yr old once who had put her own son into hospital with a broken jaw and fractured leg....

Violent behaviour is a big problem to some.

Try living with that 24/7

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

Probably not but the family will.

It sounds to me as if like so many situations in life... one has to have been in them, have experienced how difficult things can be..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Exactly, people in glass houses and all that.

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By *UNKIEMan
over a year ago

south east

Anyway Bunkie, apologies from us if your quoted post was a general post rather than aimed our personal opinion and experience.

Not a problem

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have tried looking after someone with dementia and your right it is hard work. But my family decided we would split looking after my nan between us and we did.

Not judging anyone that's done otherwise but for some people care homes are the first resort.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I have tried looking after someone with dementia and your right it is hard work. But my family decided we would split looking after my nan between us and we did.

Not judging anyone that's done otherwise but for some people care homes are the first resort. "
I can see where you are coming from - and if you say you have tried it then you do know just how difficult it is. I have heard of families almost splitting up over the care issue of a relative. Of course this is even worse when there are two people (or more)in the family that need a great deal of care

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By *edbagioMan
over a year ago

ripon

just had a pm off some one;

user no longer on site;

forgive my earlier trolling bad taste and all that.

I have had a small taste of this subject be it from affar so not clued

up fully.

and I fear this is the future for a few of us;esp like me on my own'

cant comment anymore

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"just had a pm off some one;

user no longer on site;

forgive my earlier trolling bad taste and all that.

I have had a small taste of this subject be it from affar so not clued

up fully.

and I fear this is the future for a few of us;esp like me on my own'

cant comment anymore "
I read this a couple of times and I am not sure I understand what you are saying - are you saying somebody feels that the topic of conversation was a bit too close too home and it upset that person?

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By *edbagioMan
over a year ago

ripon

"just had a pm off some one;

user no longer on site;

forgive my earlier trolling bad taste and all that.

I have had a small taste of this subject be it from affar so not clued

up fully.

and I fear this is the future for a few of us;esp like me on my own'

cant comment anymore I read this a couple of times and I am not sure I understand what you are saying - are you saying somebody feels that the topic of conversation was a bit too close too home and it upset that person?"
yes that's the jist of it;allso my own sick sence of humore upsetting them but cey la vie

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By *edbagioMan
over a year ago

ripon

just too add the bit I put in about from affar is a relative has this so ive seen its effects but not close up

as a son;so cant comment in a constructive way.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

my dad died suffering from dimentia just before christmas and the care he got in the home was good. its true the guilt trip of putting him in a home screwed my mum up but at least we knew he was warm, comfortable clean and fed by the staff there and they seemed to care about the welfare of their patients. no one could have looked after him better. if anyone has the same choice to make, go visit a few and choose the one that seems to be the best, and turn up unannounced so theres no cover ups

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

Probably not but the family will.

Try reading the full thread and look at ALL the posts I have made, then, you will see that yes, we DO look after Mr Carats aunty who we have had living under our FAMILY care since she was diagnosed with dementia. Yes, we are both more than qualified to comment and make judgements, share opinions and involve in this debate as we are still experiencing living with a person with dementia. Our point is that maybe if more family members got off their arses, didnt put others things in their life as priority and stopped bundling relatives into care homes because they 'can't cope' as soon as the going gets a little bit out of their comfort zones, then maybe, just maybe, the care homes wouldn't be stretched to the max, the relatives may actually benefit from FAMILY CARE AND LOVE, thus aiding their illness and well-being!!!

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I saw this news report this morning too. It is so difficult. The choice to put someone in a home is not easy or straightforward. The decision to keep them at home is not easy or straightforward.

It almost killed me looking after my demented mother. She has to have 24/7 supervision. She is violent. When she has moments of clarity she is inconsolable and wants to die rather than live like this. We're not allowed to kill her so we have to ensure she is looked after well, cared for and given support to be the best she can be. After two years of looking after her at home, at the same time as caring for an aunt with MND, took its toll on our whole family.

Managing the finances of paying for a care home takes quite a lot of doing too.

Nothing is ever quite good enough so you have to compromise and accept the best of a bad set of options.

My mother is lucky that she is in a home with great staff/patient ratios (1:3) and she gets activities and trips out. It's not how she wants to live. It's not where we would like her to be but after setting the kitchen alight several times, running at people with knives, letting herself out and getting lost and being awake most nights we had to make the choice that ensures the health of the many.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Working as an Agency Chef, I have noticed there is a marked difference between the standard of care given by private care homes and local council homes.

Residents appear to be more active and articulate than their state run counterparts. There is a higher nursing to resident ratio and the quality of food is higher, using fresh ingrediants. The premises are well.maintained and proffesssionally managed

The state run appear to be understaffed, illmanaged and most of the food is processed.

Just my observation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?"

In this case, I hope you never have to consider dignity, respect and basic human rights to be important to you.

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

as a person who has this is the family .. i do make marked steps to avoid this .. mental stimulation being obvious but we dont ever cook with aluminium as this has been seen to be a factor also

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"waste of time;they don't know they

are getting poor care now do they?

In this case, I hope you never have to consider dignity, respect and basic human rights to be important to you."

he has apologised for this comment

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