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"“What’s 68?” “You do me and I’ll owe you one” " Out of 10, I’d definitely give you one! | |||
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"Two piles of sick are walking down the road, one starts crying, the other says what wrong with you? the other says I was Brought up round here " *dies* | |||
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"How do you confuse an idiot? Thursday!" 3 this | |||
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"Did you hear the one about the gas lighter? Yeah, you did, you literally heard it already " Lol | |||
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"What brown and sticky? A stick . . " What's red and sticky? . . . A bonfire. | |||
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"How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together." I love it! Stealing lol | |||
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"How do you confuse an idiot? Thursday!" The version of this I grew up with was 'How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later.' | |||
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"We don't serve time-travellers in here. So, this time-traveller walks into a bar..." Barman: We don’t serve time-travellers in here. Time traveller: You did next week. | |||
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"Two fish are in their tank. The first turns to the second and asks: "Do you know how to drive this thing?". LvM" Did you steal my joke?? | |||
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"Where does a general keep his armies? In his sleevies " Groan.... on a similar vein Where are the Andes? At the end if your armies | |||
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"Two goldfish walk into a bar. Barman says “what’s with the long faeces?” " | |||
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"Two fish are in their tank. The first turns to the second and asks: "Do you know how to drive this thing?". LvM Did you steal my joke?? " Apologies Keeping on brand: Two fish swimming up river. The first bangs into a wall. "Damn", says the second. LvM | |||
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"Two fish are in their tank. The first turns to the second and asks: "Do you know how to drive this thing?". LvM Did you steal my joke?? Apologies Keeping on brand: Two fish swimming up river. The first bangs into a wall. "Damn", says the second. LvM" I like it .... | |||
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"Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them? So when they dock they can Scandinavian." Lol | |||
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"What the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman ?? Ones a Super Hero , the other ones a command " Ouch | |||
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"What the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman ?? Ones a Super Hero , the other ones a command Ouch " | |||
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"What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea " What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitalia? Still no fucking idea | |||
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"NOTICE: "Time-Travellers club. - Meet here last Wednesday at 5pm"." | |||
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"My whole family are concerned about my grandads addiction to viagra recently. Grandma is taking it particularly hard." *rimshot* | |||
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"Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them? So when they dock they can Scandinavian." | |||
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"How do you confuse an idiot? Thursday! 3 this" Me: (idiot) That was meant to be a heart as in “love this” I’ll see myself out. | |||
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"A mate had a Star Wars tattoo on his forehead. You should have seen the Luke on his face." Lol | |||
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"Two fish are in their tank. The first turns to the second and asks: "Do you know how to drive this thing?". LvM Did you steal my joke?? Apologies Keeping on brand: Two fish swimming up river. The first bangs into a wall. "Damn", says the second. LvM" | |||
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"Some very genuine LoLs from this thread.. Will pass the smutty ones along to my nephews.." That’s the way to do it! | |||
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"Two from Rik Mayall. Why did the pervert cross the road? Because he couldn't get his knob out of the chicken. What does a man with a two-foot cock have for breakfast? This morning I had a boiled egg." RIP Rik Mayall. | |||
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"If you had a choice, One million pounds or stay married, What boat would you buy?" Fuckin love this | |||
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"Why don’t monsters eat ghosts? Because they taste like sheet" Lol | |||
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"I went to the garden center today and bought a Christmas Tree. The assistant asked me, “Will you be putting that up yourself?” I replied, “No, I’ll be putting it up in my living room.”" I proper lol'd just then | |||
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"How do you confuse an idiot? Thursday! The version of this I grew up with was 'How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later.'" Did you ever find out? | |||
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"I went to the garden center today and bought a Christmas Tree. The assistant asked me, “Will you be putting that up yourself?” I replied, “No, I’ll be putting it up in my living room.”" | |||
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"BNAG! that's BANG out of order. " | |||
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"I don't think I could be gay.... I just don't have it in me." Lol! | |||
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"Did you hear the one about the gas lighter? Yeah, you did, you literally heard it already " Brilliant... I think... | |||
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"A Priest, a Pastor, and a Rabbit walk into a blood donation clinic. The nurse asks the Rabbit "What blood type are you?" "I think I'm a Type-O", replied the Rabbit." | |||
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"A woman walks into a cocktail bar and asks the barman for a Double Entendre. So he gave her one." | |||
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"Jesus may have walked on water but Stephen Hawkins ran on battery's " And was honorary ref bot on Robotwars. | |||
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"How do you confuse an idiot? Thursday! The version of this I grew up with was 'How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later.'" Like this. At work ask a male colleague if they like gay sex. Most will jump with no, you tried it then watch them blush. | |||
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"What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea " What do you call a dear with no legs and no eyes Still no idea.. | |||
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"I've got a Polish mate who is a sound technician, and I've got a Czech one too. " | |||
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"Did you hear about the dyslexic Devil worshippers? They were caught burning effigies of Santa...." | |||
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"Why did the man fall down the well? He didn’t see that well. " should have gone to Spec Saaaaaa......veerrrrrrrrs! | |||
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"2 cows in a field. 1 says to the other, "have you heard about this Mad Cows Desease?" and the other replies, "The fucks that got to do with me?, I'm a chicken."" This one had me in tears | |||
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