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What’s your favourite terrible joke?

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP   Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

“What’s 68?”

“You do me and I’ll owe you one”

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tried Wookie meat once, it was dead chewy.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Did you hear the one about the gas lighter?

Yeah, you did, you literally heard it already

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *rRiosMan
over a year ago

dublin


"“What’s 68?”

“You do me and I’ll owe you one”

"

Out of 10, I’d definitely give you one!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two piles of sick are walking down the road, one starts crying, the other says what wrong with you? the other says I was Brought up round here

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you confuse a casual wanker?

42

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ohnSwingsSurreyMan
over a year ago

Horley

How do you know if there’s an elephant in bed with you?……..itll have an “E” embroidered on its pyjamas

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ts_Business_TimeCouple
over a year ago

Berkshire

What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination?

Haaaaaaaaaannddd eeeeeeeeeeyyyyeeeeeeee

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ealMissShadyWoman
over a year ago

St Albans/ Welsh Borders

What do you call a French man wearing sandals??

Ferlipe Ferlop

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod

over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

A man walks into a bar.

It hurt.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *rRiosMan
over a year ago

dublin

What brown and sticky?

A stick

I think I vomited out most of mine on the last thread.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

How do you confuse an idiot?

Thursday!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP   Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else


"Two piles of sick are walking down the road, one starts crying, the other says what wrong with you? the other says I was Brought up round here "

*dies*

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP   Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else


"How do you confuse an idiot?

Thursday!"

3 this

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton


"Did you hear the one about the gas lighter?

Yeah, you did, you literally heard it already "

Lol

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

Two fish in a tank, one says to the other " how do you drive this thing?"

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *icolasHidalgoDeCorazonMan
over a year ago

St Leonards

Why do the French only have one egg for breakfast?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *-YourPleasureMan
over a year ago

southdowns

How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *icolasHidalgoDeCorazonMan
over a year ago

St Leonards

We don't serve time-travellers in here.

So, this time-traveller walks into a bar...

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP   Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

[Removed by poster at 06/11/23 06:19:45]

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local community swimming pool.

I gave him a glass of water.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman
over a year ago

Manchester(ish).


"What brown and sticky?

A stick

.

.

"

What's red and sticky?

.

.

.

A bonfire.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton


"How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together."

I love it! Stealing lol

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *JandCMCouple
over a year ago

cardiff

This only works if you got a headache n someone asks "how's your head?" n I always reply with "I've never had any complaints"

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod

over a year ago

East Sussex

Ask a woman to look down her own top and spell attic...

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ake_or_deathMan
over a year ago

Manchester


"How do you confuse an idiot?

Thursday!"

The version of this I grew up with was 'How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later.'

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ake_or_deathMan
over a year ago

Manchester

Two from Rik Mayall.

Why did the pervert cross the road? Because he couldn't get his knob out of the chicken.

What does a man with a two-foot cock have for breakfast? This morning I had a boiled egg.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham


"We don't serve time-travellers in here.

So, this time-traveller walks into a bar..."

Barman: We don’t serve time-travellers in here.

Time traveller: You did next week.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *igboobstCouple
over a year ago

barrow

What's better than roses on your piano?

Tulips on your organ

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

Two fish are in their tank. The first turns to the second and asks: "Do you know how to drive this thing?".

LvM

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where does a general keep his armies?

In his sleevies

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *igboobstCouple
over a year ago

barrow

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton


"Two fish are in their tank. The first turns to the second and asks: "Do you know how to drive this thing?".

LvM"

Did you steal my joke??

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the short man get when he ran through the naked ladies legs?

A clit around the ear, and a flap in the face!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *avensCouple
over a year ago

Stroud

Two goldfish walk into a bar. Barman says “what’s with the long faeces?”

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton


"Where does a general keep his armies?

In his sleevies "

Groan.... on a similar vein

Where are the Andes?

At the end if your armies

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton


"Two goldfish walk into a bar. Barman says “what’s with the long faeces?” "

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *avensCouple
over a year ago

Stroud

Two goldfish walk into a bar. Barman says “what’s with the long faeces?”

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *igboobstCouple
over a year ago

barrow

Where do you find a cow with no legs?

Where you left it

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *alm_one4Man
over a year ago

RM16

A man walks into a cake shop and sees all the cakes are £1, except one that is £2. ‘Why is that one £2 and not £1’ he says. The shop owner says ‘that’s Madeira cake’

Thank you

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *igboobstCouple
over a year ago

barrow

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln


"Two fish are in their tank. The first turns to the second and asks: "Do you know how to drive this thing?".

LvM

Did you steal my joke?? "

Apologies Keeping on brand:

Two fish swimming up river. The first bangs into a wall. "Damn", says the second.

LvM

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton


"Two fish are in their tank. The first turns to the second and asks: "Do you know how to drive this thing?".

LvM

Did you steal my joke??

Apologies Keeping on brand:

Two fish swimming up river. The first bangs into a wall. "Damn", says the second.

LvM"

I like it ....

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *igboobstCouple
over a year ago

barrow

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?

So when they dock they can Scandinavian.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *illy IdolMan
over a year ago

Midlands

My whole family are concerned about my grandads addiction to viagra recently.

Grandma is taking it particularly hard.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton


"Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?

So when they dock they can Scandinavian."

Lol

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

Two seagulls standing on a perch... one says to the other ." Can you smell fish? "

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *heikyerboutiMan
over a year ago

Leicester

Two parrots sitting on a perch...

One days to the other, 'can you smell fish'?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *erry bull1Man
over a year ago

doncaster

What’s green , got 6 legs and if it fell out of a tree and landed on you it would kill you ,

A snooker table

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *hunky ChefMan
over a year ago

Norwich

Two blondes are chatting.

B1: " Did you try it in the other hole?"

B2: " Are you stupid? I don't want to get pregnant!"

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *igboobstCouple
over a year ago

barrow

Two parrots sitting on a perch, one turns to the other and says can you smell fish?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *abtastic Mr FoxMan
over a year ago

A den in the Glen

I keep randomly shouting out “Broccoli” and “Cauliflower”...

I think I might have Florets.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ohnSwingsSurreyMan
over a year ago

Horley

What’s the difference between a good, reliable hoover and a randy Swiss Admiral…….one sucks, and never fails…..and…..

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *onathan14Man
over a year ago

Liverpool

If you had a choice,

One million pounds or stay married,

What boat would you buy?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

What the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman ??

Ones a Super Hero , the other ones a command

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton


"What the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman ??

Ones a Super Hero , the other ones a command "

Ouch

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/11/23 10:50:53]

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

NOTICE:

"Time-Travellers club. - Meet here last Wednesday at 5pm".

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ormalfornorfolkMan
over a year ago

Norwich

Two nuns are in the bath, one says “where’s the soap?” and the other one replies “yes, it does, doesn’t it?”

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Nowhere

Spiders hear via their legs.. i trained one to come to me on command - i said here George and the spider walked to me - pulled his legs off said here George… nothing… proof he couldn’t hear a thing!!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *arley QuimWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere

What's the hardest thing to do in the world? Milk chocolate biscuits

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity


"What the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman ??

Ones a Super Hero , the other ones a command

Ouch "

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *idlandiaMan
over a year ago

Birmingham


"What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea "

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitalia?

Still no fucking idea

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

A mate had a Star Wars tattoo on his forehead. You should have seen the Luke on his face.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

Cliff..

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP   Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

[Removed by poster at 06/11/23 17:33:59]

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a man with a rabbit on his head ?

Warren..

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ravelling_WilburyMan
over a year ago

Beverley

What wobbles when it flys?

A jellycopter

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP   Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else


"NOTICE:

"Time-Travellers club. - Meet here last Wednesday at 5pm"."

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ravelling_WilburyMan
over a year ago

Beverley

'if you want to break up with me just because of my obsession with entry and exit routes, then there's the door!'

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP   Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else


"My whole family are concerned about my grandads addiction to viagra recently.

Grandma is taking it particularly hard."

*rimshot*

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP   Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else


"Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?

So when they dock they can Scandinavian."

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP   Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else


"How do you confuse an idiot?

Thursday!

3 this"

Me: (idiot) That was meant to be a heart as in “love this”

I’ll see myself out.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP   Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else


"A mate had a Star Wars tattoo on his forehead. You should have seen the Luke on his face."

Lol

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *he Silver FuxMan
over a year ago

Uttoxeter

Some very genuine LoLs from this thread..

Will pass the smutty ones along to my nephews..

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP   Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else


"Two fish are in their tank. The first turns to the second and asks: "Do you know how to drive this thing?".

LvM

Did you steal my joke??

Apologies Keeping on brand:

Two fish swimming up river. The first bangs into a wall. "Damn", says the second.

LvM"

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP   Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else


"Some very genuine LoLs from this thread..

Will pass the smutty ones along to my nephews.."

That’s the way to do it!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP   Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else


"Two from Rik Mayall.

Why did the pervert cross the road? Because he couldn't get his knob out of the chicken.

What does a man with a two-foot cock have for breakfast? This morning I had a boiled egg."

RIP Rik Mayall.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *utterfly64Woman
over a year ago

Raynes Park

Why don’t monsters eat ghosts?

Because they taste like sheet

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ushandkittyCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

I've got a Scottish mate called Iain, he's got one eye bigger than the other!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *cousedave99Man
over a year ago

village hotel


"If you had a choice,

One million pounds or stay married,

What boat would you buy?"

Fuckin love this

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *omsubdevonCouple
over a year ago

Newton Abbot

Why did the scrotum cross the road?

To see if he had the balls in him to do it.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP   Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else


"Why don’t monsters eat ghosts?

Because they taste like sheet"

Lol

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *abtastic Mr FoxMan
over a year ago

A den in the Glen

I went to the garden center today and bought a Christmas Tree. The assistant asked me, “Will you be putting that up yourself?” I replied, “No, I’ll be putting it up in my living room.”

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton


"I went to the garden center today and bought a Christmas Tree. The assistant asked me, “Will you be putting that up yourself?” I replied, “No, I’ll be putting it up in my living room.”"

I proper lol'd just then

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough


"How do you confuse an idiot?

Thursday!

The version of this I grew up with was 'How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later.'"

Did you ever find out?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

[Removed by poster at 06/11/23 19:13:23]

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the Indian with a big chopper?

His wigwam was full of firewood.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A pr*ssie got stopped for drink driving. After the test, the policeman says 'It looks like you've had a few stiff ones tonight'. She said 'What, it tells you that too?'

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Donald and Daisy duck were having a dirty weekend. They had no condoms, so he telephoned room service. !0 minutes later, the condom was duly delivered on a silver platter. "Shall I put in on your bill, Sir?" "No you cant, you bleeding pervert!" Then slammed the door in the waiter's face.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Why can't the jungle ever find any headache tablets?

Coz the parrots eat them all.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ndi37Man
over a year ago

Manchester

What you you call a lesbian dinosaur?

I lick a lot of pussy

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

BNAG!

that's BANG out of order.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Out of bounds: a knackered wallaby.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Sloth cuddles are addictive: one hug and you're hooked.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *abtastic Mr FoxMan
over a year ago

A den in the Glen

I don't think I could be gay.... I just don't have it in me.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *abtastic Mr FoxMan
over a year ago

A den in the Glen

I had an unemployed dwarf do a bit of casual work for me; he asked to be paid under the table

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *andsomeHPMan
over a year ago

bucks

Someone threw a jar of mayonnaise at me the other day.

I was like, What the Hell mans?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

What cheese do Gregorian monks sing about in December? Gouda-té

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP   Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else


"I went to the garden center today and bought a Christmas Tree. The assistant asked me, “Will you be putting that up yourself?” I replied, “No, I’ll be putting it up in my living room.”"

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP   Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else


"BNAG!

that's BANG out of order.

"

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP   Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else


"I don't think I could be gay.... I just don't have it in me."

Lol!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mate says I'm getting fatter, but in my defense, I've had a alot on my plate recently.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *abtastic Mr FoxMan
over a year ago

A den in the Glen

I don't know what went wrong with me and my last girlfriend, or Tubby... as I called her.

For some reason she had a low self esteem. And saggy tits... as I called her.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife has just ran off with my best friend....whoever he is.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ale.nymphoMan
over a year ago

Weston-super-Mare

Why is there no tablets in the jungle?

Because the parrots eat them all (parecetamol)

What did the drummer name his twin daughters??

Anna one, Anna two

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ohntall123Man
over a year ago

Biggleswade

How do you get Pikachu on a bus … you Pokémon

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Knock knok!

Who's there?

Pee Cash!

Pee Cash who?

Pikachu: gotta catch'em all.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ndi37Man
over a year ago

Manchester

What do you get when you cross a bull dog and a shih tzu?

Bullshit!!!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Started a Chris Hemsworth workout in the gym. I'm going to be Thor in the morning.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *arl17Man
over a year ago

Central Portugal


"Did you hear the one about the gas lighter?

Yeah, you did, you literally heard it already "

Brilliant... I think...

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *erek trotterMan
over a year ago

Peckham

Jesus may have walked on water but Stephen Hawkins ran on battery's

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ushandkittyCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

I've got a Polish mate who is a sound technician, and I've got a Czech one too.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *olongerNewtothis1212Man
over a year ago

somewhere

?????? xx he was a legend

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *olongerNewtothis1212Man
over a year ago

somewhere

Hear about the Irish woodworm found dead in a brick ??

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *olongerNewtothis1212Man
over a year ago

somewhere

Sorry last week one if magic is magical and quizzes are quizzical what are tests???

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aulhornyladMan
over a year ago

Sunderland

What's Brown and sticky? A stick!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *heekyDemandCouple
over a year ago

Leicester

How does The Rock pee?

.

He Dwaynes his Johnson

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By *aulhornyladMan
over a year ago

Sunderland

Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hear the one about the Egyptian Taxi Driver working in Newcastle, he's called Tootandcumoot

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By *abtastic Mr FoxMan
over a year ago

A den in the Glen

My colleague can no longer attend next week's 'Innuendo Seminar'

Looks like I'll have to fill her slot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Waiter: comfortable?

Me: no, food

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

What’s brown and sticky ?

A stick

Or

Anal sex if they say a stick

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall ?

Dam

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

4 fish in a tank

One days can anyone drive this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why don’t you ever see an elephant in a tree

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

My sex life

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By *t72Man
over a year ago

Twickenham

What do you call a fish with no eye?…….

A fsh!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A Priest, a Pastor, and a Rabbit walk into a blood donation clinic. The nurse asks the Rabbit "What blood type are you?"

"I think I'm a Type-O", replied the Rabbit.

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton


"A Priest, a Pastor, and a Rabbit walk into a blood donation clinic. The nurse asks the Rabbit "What blood type are you?"

"I think I'm a Type-O", replied the Rabbit."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do squirrels swim on their backs?

To keep their NUTS dry!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you heard about the magic dog?

It’s a Labracadabra !!

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Irish guy in the job centre looking through the jobs sees one that says

TREE FELLERS wanted.

Say's too himself

" jeeze I wish I had two mate's we could apply"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Patient: Doctor Doctor I feel like a pack of cards.

Doctor: I'll deal with you later.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A woman walks into a cocktail bar and asks the barman for a Double Entendre.

So he gave her one.

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP   Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else


"A woman walks into a cocktail bar and asks the barman for a Double Entendre.

So he gave her one."

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By *use and wolfCouple
over a year ago

angus

How do you catch a rabbit?

Hide behind a bush and make a noise like a cabbage!

What's red and invisible?

No Tomatoes!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A husband tells his wife

"I bet you can't say something that'll make me happy and sad at the same time"

She thinks for a bit and says

"Your penis is bigger than your brothers"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll never forget my Grandad's last words to me just before he died.

"Are you still holding the ladder?"

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

Two snowmen in a field.

One says to the other; "Can you smell carrots?"

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

My wife thinks I have commitment issues.

Well, I say 'wife'......

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

Did you hear about the dyslexic Devil worshippers? They were caught burning effigies of Santa....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife says that there are 5 things she hates about me.

1. the fact that I never listen

2. something else......

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough


"Jesus may have walked on water but Stephen Hawkins ran on battery's "

And was honorary ref bot on Robotwars.

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By *ataleMan
over a year ago

Durham

Why did the man fall down the well? He didn’t see that well.

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By *iking 777Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

Knock knock.... Come in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the rug say to the floor? Do not move! I have got you covered

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By *ove2pleaseseukMan
over a year ago

Hastings

Two elephants fell off a cliff.

Boom

Boom

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By *ove2pleaseseukMan
over a year ago

Hastings


"How do you confuse an idiot?

Thursday!

The version of this I grew up with was 'How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later.'"

Like this.

At work ask a male colleague if they like gay sex. Most will jump with no, you tried it then watch them blush.

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By *ove2pleaseseukMan
over a year ago

Hastings


"What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea "

What do you call a dear with no legs and no eyes

Still no idea..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What happens to an elephant when it rains

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the zoo with only one animal in it?? A dog…it was shit zoo…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I came across that Vanessa Feltz on the TV the other day. My own fault for standing so close to the screen.

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By *herlockOhmsMan
over a year ago

Ripley

Can't decide so have three!

What did the condom say to the soldiers penis?

Cover me, I'm going in.

Q. What's hard going in, then soft and sticky coming out?

A. Chewing gum.

Q. What do you call it when you go for round two but the body is no longer willing, and you try anyway?

A. Floppy seconds.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our local butcher accidently sat on the bacon slicer. Not good, he got behind with his orders.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a Spanish call girlwith no legs??

Grassy assss—-////

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A sawmill worker accidentally chopped his knob off at work.

He was proper livid about it too. Went straight home and gave the missus a bollocking.

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP   Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else


"I've got a Polish mate who is a sound technician, and I've got a Czech one too. "

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP   Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else


"Did you hear about the dyslexic Devil worshippers? They were caught burning effigies of Santa...."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It was spooky when my grandfather died. All the clocks in the house stopped at the same time.

But then, it was a gas explosion...

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By *lex46TV/TS
over a year ago

Near Wells

Two burglars stole a calendar. They got Six months each

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By *allkinkynerdMan
over a year ago

Consett

Found out today that I'm colourblind. That news really came out of the yellow.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two cannibals eating a Clown.

One looks at the other and asks.....

Does this taste funny.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough


"Why did the man fall down the well? He didn’t see that well. "

should have gone to Spec Saaaaaa......veerrrrrrrrs!

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By *iking 777Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

Go on call the police let's see who cums first

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By *ermite12ukMan
over a year ago

Solihull and Brentwood

Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes we arson.

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By *esafinadOHolyNightMan
over a year ago

Belfast

2 cows in a field. 1 says to the other, "have you heard about this Mad Cows Desease?" and the other replies, "The fucks that got to do with me?, I'm a chicken."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I identify as a donkey.

.

My pronouns are he/haw

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By *idanMan
over a year ago

borehamwood

A man walks into a bar......... and goes Urghhh. It was an iron bar!

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By *icolasHidalgoDeCorazonMan
over a year ago

St Leonards

How many ears does Captain Kirk have?

3.

A left ear.

A right ear.

And.....a final, front ear.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call someone swimming in a river in Paris..

In Seine

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP   Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else


"2 cows in a field. 1 says to the other, "have you heard about this Mad Cows Desease?" and the other replies, "The fucks that got to do with me?, I'm a chicken.""

This one had me in tears

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By *andKCouple
over a year ago

Falkirk

What kind of bees make milk?

Boobies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Knock knock?

Who’s there?

The

The who?

No, the End

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