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Culinary Mishaps

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By *inkygentkent OP   Man
over a year ago

Maidstone

What's your craziest mishap in the kitchen? The sort of thing that was a bit of a disaster at the time but also hilarious looking back at it.

Mine was my first attempt at a pressure cooker stew. I opened the steam release valve without running the pressure cooker under the tap to relieve pressure first and spraying most of the kitchen with stew juice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hahaha

Turned the mixer on without the lid once… flour and sugar everywhere

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also once I was showing my son how to squeeze a lemon and I said ‘don’t get it in your eye’ then promptly got it in my eye

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By *ickshawedCouple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

I left a 2 year old happily mixing the Yorkshire pudding batter once while I popped out the room for a moment. I came back and it was all over the sides, the windows and in the toaster. We had to buy a new toaster.

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By *inkygentkent OP   Man
over a year ago

Maidstone


"Hahaha

Turned the mixer on without the lid once… flour and sugar everywhere "

I can picture the scene perfectly!

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By *inkygentkent OP   Man
over a year ago

Maidstone


"I left a 2 year old happily mixing the Yorkshire pudding batter once while I popped out the room for a moment. I came back and it was all over the sides, the windows and in the toaster. We had to buy a new toaster. "

I've just blown my coffee out of my nose at that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I left a 2 year old happily mixing the Yorkshire pudding batter once while I popped out the room for a moment. I came back and it was all over the sides, the windows and in the toaster. We had to buy a new toaster. "

Omg

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

I know a person who was so bade a cooking they left the wrapping on whilst microwaving a frozen pizza… does that count???

And before you all look at me thinking “dumbass” I am allergic to cheese!!!

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By *orkshirecutcockMan
over a year ago

blackburn

Making fruit cider for it to explode all over the kitchen roof!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Simmering 6 cans of condensed milk to make banoffie pie, leaving work and instructing the lunch time chefs to keep it topped up and to turn it off in 2 hours. Neither thing happened and they exploded in spectacular sticky fashion. They had to repaint the pastry room ceiling as it never came off.

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By *ullyMan
over a year ago

Near Clacton

Not me but a lad I that used to work for me, had pressured his dad to buy a new toaster, one of the 4 at a time jobs, dad eventually bought a rather expensive commercial type toaster, lad laid it on it's side and put 4 beefburgers in it. Fat everywhere . Ha also lent a very very expensive grey leather jacket to his friend one night for a night out out and friend threw up all over it , so lad soaked it overnight in the bath of hot water with half a packet of detergent.

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By *asques and boxersCouple
over a year ago

Ashford and dept16

Done a veggie lasange normally really tasty. Then brain disengagement, added beetroot layer!!!!

Looked like a murder scene when dished up, couldnt of put off the vegan guest more

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By *inkygentkent OP   Man
over a year ago

Maidstone

These are all brilliant - I'm very partial to food explosion stories

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By *itginger101Man
over a year ago

Termonfeckin

I was prepping dinner once, cut up some fresh chili, a few minutes later I had a wank, the pain was unbearable, I had to put my cock into a glass of milk to soothe my hot cock

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By *ate_BMan
over a year ago

London

Something I saw… a neighbour forgot they had hot oil on the fire; I could tell because the oil had caught fire. Rang the doorbell to alert them, husband did the ‘smartest’ thing by throwing water into the pot…safe to say he needed a new coat of paint for the ceiling

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By *ixiePoisonWoman
over a year ago

Darlington

I once cooked squid rings instead of onion rings in a fry up, and made horse bolognese instead of beef! In my defence we had just moved to Germany and I didn’t speak the lingo! Haha

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By *inkygentkent OP   Man
over a year ago

Maidstone


"Something I saw… a neighbour forgot they had hot oil on the fire; I could tell because the oil had caught fire. Rang the doorbell to alert them, husband did the ‘smartest’ thing by throwing water into the pot…safe to say he needed a new coat of paint for the ceiling "

Probably new eyebrows too!

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By *inkygentkent OP   Man
over a year ago

Maidstone


"I once cooked squid rings instead of onion rings in a fry up, and made horse bolognese instead of beef! In my defence we had just moved to Germany and I didn’t speak the lingo! Haha "

Now the squid rings I could handle, but I draw the line at horse bolognese

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I once cooked squid rings instead of onion rings in a fry up, and made horse bolognese instead of beef! In my defence we had just moved to Germany and I didn’t speak the lingo! Haha

Now the squid rings I could handle, but I draw the line at horse bolognese "

Never had ikea meatballs then?

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By *entlemanFoxMan
over a year ago

North East / London

Back when microwaves were a new technology, I decided to warm some mince pies.

Not really understanding the technology, I knew they were faster than an ordinary oven so decided on 8 minutes at full power.

Came back into the kitchen after 6 minutes to find it filled with acrid black smoke and four piles of charred ash where the mince pies had been.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

I once tried to open a fray bentos pie with a can opener.

And a steak knife.

And an electric drill.

And then I gave up........

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By *sleWightCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Ryde

Accidentally blew up an egg in the microwave. It was 1985, and not everyone knew about the inevitable outcome of doing so!

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

A few years ago I had a "hot" date. We were both into spicy food so I agreed to cook a lamb madras thus allowing me to show off more than just my, erm, bedroom skills.

The preparation went great. I diced the lamb neck, chopped the chillies, toasted and ground the spices then popped the lot in a bag with some vinegar to marinate whilst I cleaned myself up, put my best clothes on and headed out to meet her. We had a couple of drinks, headed back to mine and I handed her the TV remote (awww...how romantic) whilst I took the marinated lamb out of the fridge ready for the next step.

Frying pan hot, onions chopped, garlic and ginger paste ready...FIZZZ! Everything now browned it went into the pressure cooker with some tomatoes, more fresh chillies, stock and a cinnamon stick. We now have about 40 minutes to kill so what to do...

Anyway...real men don't wear gloves when chopping chillies. Unfortunately, dumb fucking bastards like me forget that you can't just wash capsaicin (the thing that makes chillies "hot") off your fingers. The yoghurt I had planned to use as a raita base ended up being used as a kind of anti-burning-sensation cream for her vagina. I don't think I've ever apologised so much to another human being in my life.

I just order Pizza Hut these days.

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By *inkygentkent OP   Man
over a year ago

Maidstone


"I once cooked squid rings instead of onion rings in a fry up, and made horse bolognese instead of beef! In my defence we had just moved to Germany and I didn’t speak the lingo! Haha

Now the squid rings I could handle, but I draw the line at horse bolognese

Never had ikea meatballs then? "

Funnily enough, no!

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By *inkygentkent OP   Man
over a year ago

Maidstone


"Back when microwaves were a new technology, I decided to warm some mince pies.

Not really understanding the technology, I knew they were faster than an ordinary oven so decided on 8 minutes at full power.

Came back into the kitchen after 6 minutes to find it filled with acrid black smoke and four piles of charred ash where the mince pies had been. "

Ooops! I did once make the mistake of turning on a hob instead of the 8-in-1 multicooker that was sitting right on top of it - that produced some acrid black smoke

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By *inkygentkent OP   Man
over a year ago

Maidstone


"I once tried to open a fray bentos pie with a can opener.

And a steak knife.

And an electric drill.

And then I gave up........"

Dynamite would have worked

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By *inkygentkent OP   Man
over a year ago

Maidstone


"A few years ago I had a "hot" date. We were both into spicy food so I agreed to cook a lamb madras thus allowing me to show off more than just my, erm, bedroom skills.

The preparation went great. I diced the lamb neck, chopped the chillies, toasted and ground the spices then popped the lot in a bag with some vinegar to marinate whilst I cleaned myself up, put my best clothes on and headed out to meet her. We had a couple of drinks, headed back to mine and I handed her the TV remote (awww...how romantic) whilst I took the marinated lamb out of the fridge ready for the next step.

Frying pan hot, onions chopped, garlic and ginger paste ready...FIZZZ! Everything now browned it went into the pressure cooker with some tomatoes, more fresh chillies, stock and a cinnamon stick. We now have about 40 minutes to kill so what to do...

Anyway...real men don't wear gloves when chopping chillies. Unfortunately, dumb fucking bastards like me forget that you can't just wash capsaicin (the thing that makes chillies "hot") off your fingers. The yoghurt I had planned to use as a raita base ended up being used as a kind of anti-burning-sensation cream for her vagina. I don't think I've ever apologised so much to another human being in my life.

I just order Pizza Hut these days. "

That's made my eyes water!

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By *inkygentkent OP   Man
over a year ago

Maidstone


"Accidentally blew up an egg in the microwave. It was 1985, and not everyone knew about the inevitable outcome of doing so!"

Hmmm - maybe I should combine that technique with the bizzare kink of mine that I posted about a week ago

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