FabSwingers.com forum: Being a better father later in life.

By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.

I was watching a very emotional scene in a movie where the father was looking for his daughter as he missed her so much. I shed a tear.

There are alot more to what happened, but I will explain some part of it.

He found out beforehand where she was and did for work.

When he met her, he explained to her, why he wasnt a good parent as he got her when he was too young and not until now he was ready to be a better parent, he also said to her that he didnt like what she was doing for work, but that didnt matter, she accepted his apology as she also missed him and wanted to start over with her father.

What is your view about it, can you be a better father later in life? I would say that yes you can be that as you mature more and may be more ready then

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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.

I was watching the stranger with joel edgerton

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my personal experience yes you can be a better father in later life.

However.

You can be a better father at any age, you just need to try

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

Do I believe that people can change for the better, acknowledge their mistakes and apologiseto the people they've hurt? Yes, I do.

Do I believe that my knobhead of a father is capable of the above? Absolutely not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you can choose to be a better father later on in life but you can only actually be a better father if you are accepted into the life of the child and given a chance to be a better father.

If not, you're just a better man.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes people can be but absence creates a lot of hurt and resentment. The ones that are truly ready to fix their mistakes will be patient whilst their child heals and is open to welcoming them back into their lives. Being a parent is a choice and you need a hell of a good reason not to make the right one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So when it's convenient for your life you'll step up and be a decent dad?

But when your kids are just an inconvenience and you aren't ready it's ok to be a shit dad?

Nope.

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

Sounds like the film was wrapped up neatly to pull on the heartstrings and allow the feel good moment at the end. How lovely and completely unrealistic.

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By *ilthycoupleabzCouple
over a year ago

Aberdeen

No, not really. Babies, toddlers and young kids are hard work. It takes effort. Work. Putting someone elses needs and wants above your own.

Simply turning up once the hard work is done, isn't stepping up to being a better father, its skipping out the hard stuff and wanting to be rewarded for doing nothing.

MrsAbz

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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.

"In my personal experience yes you can be a better father in later life.

However.

You can be a better father at any age, you just need to try

"
Yes and I think the same too, be better in later life and at any age as well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In my personal experience yes you can be a better father in later life.

However.

You can be a better father at any age, you just need to try

Yes and I think the same too, be better in later life and at any age as well

I mean by all means you should really be doing your best all the way through but being better in later life is better than not bothering at all!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Kids don’t ask to be here. People need to step up to their responsibilities as parents from the get go, not when they can be bothered.

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By *ittycock400Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

Certainly as a Father later in life you would hope to be more mature, more financially secure and able to offer a better start in life.

That, however, comes at a cost of potentially less energy to run and play with a child and sadly less lifetime left to watch the child grow.

I think being a good parent is something that everyone can achieve if they try. Don't bring a child into this life if you are not ready for the responsibility nor realise how life changing it is.

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By *hromosexualsCouple
over a year ago

Near Abercynon

I think I sort of misunderstood the question. I read it as "would I have been a better Father if my daughter was born when I was older?"

Probably, yes.

I don't think I've been a bad dad but as I've got older I think I've got better at life generally. I used to work too much, I thought it was the right thing to do but you miss a lot.

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By *ustyWoman
over a year ago

inverclyde

You only get once chance at being a good patent. If you get it wrong your screwed....my ex has done that. Now that our daughter has grown up he is not interested shows her no love...to me its unconditional love to your child/children no matter what age they are

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

Whaaaaat??!!!! No. That’s terrible. You don’t just choose when you’re ready to become a decent dad!

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

When you have kids, that unconditional love starts right there, and keeps going. Even through a break up, you don't lose it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was watching a very emotional scene in a movie where the father was looking for his daughter as he missed her so much. I shed a tear.

There are alot more to what happened, but I will explain some part of it.

He found out beforehand where she was and did for work.

What is your view about it, can you be a better father later in life? I would say that yes you can be that as you mature more and may be more ready then

"
Agreed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In my personal experience yes you can be a better father in later life.

However.

You can be a better father at any age, you just need to try

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you feeling broody Shag

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By *olf and RedCouple
over a year ago

Nr Cardiff or at Chams Darlaston

My Dad was young when I was born , he was a lovely Dad who I still miss a lot. He died very young, so I didn’t know him when I was an adult.

My children’s Dad was late 20s when they were born. In my opinion, he’s a complete knob who hasn’t spoken to them for over a year. Being a good Dad isn’t to do with age, it’s about unconditional love and stepping up when needed.

Red

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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.

"Do I believe that people can change for the better, acknowledge their mistakes and apologiseto the people they've hurt? Yes, I do.

Do I believe that my knobhead of a father is capable of the above? Absolutely not.

K"
Yes and I also believe that people can change for the better as well

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By *illy IdolMan
over a year ago

Midlands

It's nice to see the men getting so much love again this morning.

We're always going to fuck up. You presense and love is all they want. It's better someone changes for the better than not at all

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By *-YourPleasureMan
over a year ago

sourhdowns

Although I love my dad! And chased his admiration for way too many years - you get to a point where you stop trying - on the plus side my kids never went without the attention I always craved - they are very much loved !!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was watching a very emotional scene in a movie where the father was looking for his daughter as he missed her so much. I shed a tear.

There are alot more to what happened, but I will explain some part of it.

He found out beforehand where she was and did for work.

What is your view about it, can you be a better father later in life? I would say that yes you can be that as you mature more and may be more ready then

We had at child when we were 15 and 14 .

40 years later we now have 3 kids and 9 grandkids.

The excuse that he was to young is bullshit.

You can be a better parent at any age.

Some people just can't be arsed with the responsibility of bringing kids up.

Basically if you can't be arsed then use protection and don't have them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No, not really. Babies, toddlers and young kids are hard work. It takes effort. Work. Putting someone elses needs and wants above your own.

Simply turning up once the hard work is done, isn't stepping up to being a better father, its skipping out the hard stuff and wanting to be rewarded for doing nothing.

MrsAbz "

I agree with this ^

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's nice to see the men getting so much love again this morning.

We're always going to fuck up. You presense and love is all they want. It's better someone changes for the better than not at all"

Can’t really bash women for being bad dads

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's nice to see the men getting so much love again this morning.

We're always going to fuck up. You presense and love is all they want. It's better someone changes for the better than not at all"

The thread was about dads...

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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.

[Removed by poster at 05/11/23 10:04:29]

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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.

"Are you feeling broody Shag

"
Hi becs and no. I am not feeling that

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"It's nice to see the men getting so much love again this morning.

We're always going to fuck up. You presense and love is all they want. It's better someone changes for the better than not at all"

The thread was about dads. My comment would have been the same regardless of gender. No time for people who don’t step up to their responsibilities. I had a friend who chose a man over her kids because he didn’t want them. She’s no longer a friend.

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By *ilsaGeorgeCouple
over a year ago

kent

We are older parents. We were in our 40s when our little one was born. I think we probably are better parents for being older. We are more patient, more peaceful, and more comfortable in our skins. These early years are obviously the most important. Our child is being forged, day by day, by the way we engage. Confidence, security, stability, the ability to understand and regulate emotion, curiosity and creativity and imagination, focus, determination, problem solving… all the elements for being a decent and useful human are in the cauldron, being mixed, right at this moment. What would happen if one of us decided, nah, I’ll come back later once this is all done? How much harder would it be for our child to lose half of its world? How much harder for the parent who remains to do all of this on their own? There is no doubt that rekindling a relationship with a child is an absolute good. There is no doubt that you can be a good parent later in life. But it is far far better to be that parent from the beginning x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think I sort of misunderstood the question. I read it as "would I have been a better Father if my daughter was born when I was older?"

Probably, yes.

I don't think I've been a bad dad but as I've got older I think I've got better at life generally. I used to work too much, I thought it was the right thing to do but you miss a lot.

I read it the same way. The discussion is moot though.

What's better parenting? In the story that's presented case, just being alive and present at whatever age was enough to consider it better, but why?

They've come back into a life of a now adult. There's zero responsibility for this new better dad to take on. On the contrary, this new dad has somehow got an opinion over the child's decisions in life, and there'll be an element of guilt laid on when, inevitably, the father requires care and the child adult has a responsibility now to give it.

I think it's the height of narcissism. I think it breaks down the emotions of a person who's had to deal with the lack of a parent throughout their lives right when they had super stability.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

You can't know if you've been a good parent until you've finished being one. There are pros and cons to parenting at any age. Age isn't the deciding factor in parenting skills in my opinion.

We are 'older' parents

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

Can you be a better father in later life. Yes, but whether your 'child' can or wants to reconnect is an entirely different matter.

That scenario would have been better with my dad. With the exception of some very early memories, I question the validity of, he was not a good dad. He wasn't fit to be around kids and he hated it. As we got older he mellowed a bit, and in his way he was a better dad. The things he'd done tainted that though. People talk about unconditional love, and I agree that's how it should be. But as a choice between nothing and conditional fear - I'd have preferred nothing.

I think each case is unique. Being a parent is a responsibility. For some people if they can't do it then the best they can do for their kid is to walk away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was watching a very emotional scene in a movie where the father was looking for his daughter as he missed her so much. I shed a tear.

There are alot more to what happened, but I will explain some part of it.

He found out beforehand where she was and did for work.

What is your view about it, can you be a better father later in life? I would say that yes you can be that as you mature more and may be more ready then

I think yes you can, but also you can be a great dad from the get go at whatever age and that goes for mam's too. It's facing your responsibilities, stepping up and being able to put somebody else high on the priority list and not just yourself. Yes there can be accidents, but it's how you respond to them. Like in most things, there is a choice, either be there in whatever way you can, or don't. But you have to live with that decision and it's consequences be it good or not so great.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I've misunderstood the question. I'm sure you can be a better parent when you get older but being a bad parent when you're younger can rarely be mitigated without honest communication, sincere expression of regret, understanding of the child's feelings and genuine forgiveness from the child. Just changing ones ways without explanation and expecting the child to accept that only leads to confusion. Behaving with your grandchildren how you wish you'd been with your own children doesn't cut it either.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Let's start with , Can he be a wiser person and therefore begin to be a father - cos from the O.P. seems he'd never been a father from the start

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Yes, he can become wiser and a better person

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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.

"Let's start with , Can he be a wiser person and therefore begin to be a father - cos from the O.P. seems he'd never been a father from the start "
Yes, maybe he is a lot wiser now as he realised his wrongdoing from when he was younger and now he want to reconcile with her daughter for the lost time, that could one of the reasons for it

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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.

"Can you be a better father in later life. Yes, but whether your 'child' can or wants to reconnect is an entirely different matter.

I think each case is unique. Being a parent is a responsibility. For some people if they can't do it then the best they can do for their kid is to walk away. "
Yes, one can be a better father in life too and you are right there, it depends if the child accepts it too

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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.

"I've misunderstood the question. I'm sure you can be a better parent when you get older but being a bad parent when you're younger can rarely be mitigated without honest communication, sincere expression of regret, understanding of the child's feelings and genuine forgiveness from the child. Just changing ones ways without explanation and expecting the child to accept that only leads to confusion. Behaving with your grandchildren how you wish you'd been with your own children doesn't cut it either."
Yes, you are right there about that and the forgiveness from the child as well

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I've also seen men who remarry after divorce and start a second family be more attentive and hands on with the children of that marriage and their step children. That must hurt

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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.

"I've also seen men who remarry after divorce and start a second family be more attentive and hands on with the children of that marriage and their step children. That must hurt "
Yes, that must hurt as well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From my own personal experience, I feel I’m far better equipped, and a far better dad than I would have been had I have met my daughter 10-15 years ago. I was an angry and fairly impatient younger man. The last thing I wanted cluttering up my existence back then, was a child.

Now, it’s a far more enriching experience for me.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

"So when it's convenient for your life you'll step up and be a decent dad?

But when your kids are just an inconvenience and you aren't ready it's ok to be a shit dad?

Nope."

Yeah, it's a bit late by the time they've grown up, are maybe parents themselves and don't actually need any parenting.

Too little, too late, and any damage has been done.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

[Removed by poster at 05/11/23 21:21:37]

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

"It's nice to see the men getting so much love again this morning.

We're always going to fuck up. You presense and love is all they want. It's better someone changes for the better than not at all"

As the son of a dad that made no effort growing up. A dad that walked away for whatever reason, from somebody that once needed him as an important role during an important point in my life.

If he rocked up now, wanting forgiveness and be a part of my life now, he can fuck right off.

It is selfish behaviour that had him walk away, and it is selfish behaviour that made him return.

He won't have come back for me, or what I need. It's all about him and his need for forgiveness. So he can feel better for and about himself.

He had 30 years too muster up that effort. Walking away as he did, causing my mum to have to struggle and go through tough times alone while also taking care of two kids. His actions hurting the person I care for and respect more than any other in this world. There won't ever be forgiveness, nor any kind of pleasant closure for him if he comes knocking.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's nice to see the men getting so much love again this morning.

We're always going to fuck up. You presense and love is all they want. It's better someone changes for the better than not at all

As the son of a dad that made no effort growing up. A dad that walked away for whatever reason, from somebody that once needed him as an important role during an important point in my life.

If he rocked up now, wanting forgiveness and be a part of my life now, he can fuck right off.

It is selfish behaviour that had him walk away, and it is selfish behaviour that made him return.

He won't have come back for me, or what I need. It's all about him and his need for forgiveness. So he can feel better for and about himself.

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By *ilthycoupleabzCouple
over a year ago

Aberdeen

"From my own personal experience, I feel I’m far better equipped, and a far better dad than I would have been had I have met my daughter 10-15 years ago. I was an angry and fairly impatient younger man. The last thing I wanted cluttering up my existence back then, was a child.

Now, it’s a far more enriching experience for me. "

This is sarcasm, right?

I mean just checking cos ya know, tone missing from read words.

MrsAbz

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now, it’s a far more enriching experience for me.

This is sarcasm, right?

I mean just checking cos ya know, tone missing from read words.

MrsAbz "

I think he means he had his child relatively recently not 10-15 years ago

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By *ilthycoupleabzCouple
over a year ago

Aberdeen

Now, it’s a far more enriching experience for me.

This is sarcasm, right?

I mean just checking cos ya know, tone missing from read words.

MrsAbz

I think he means he had his child relatively recently not 10-15 years ago

Oh thank goodness for that. Thanks for making it make sense original FC

My bad! Apologies for the prickly reply, am beyond sleepy this eve.

MrsAbz

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now, it’s a far more enriching experience for me.

This is sarcasm, right?

I mean just checking cos ya know, tone missing from read words.

MrsAbz

I think he means he had his child relatively recently not 10-15 years ago

Oh thank goodness for that. Thanks for making it make sense original FC

My bad! Apologies for the prickly reply, am beyond sleepy this eve.

MrsAbz "

Aye you’re grand!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now, it’s a far more enriching experience for me.

This is sarcasm, right?

I mean just checking cos ya know, tone missing from read words.

MrsAbz

I think he means he had his child relatively recently not 10-15 years ago

Oh thank goodness for that. Thanks for making it make sense original FC

My bad! Apologies for the prickly reply, am beyond sleepy this eve.

MrsAbz "

No apologies necessary.

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By *hagTonight OP Man
51 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

Now, it’s a far more enriching experience for me. "
That is good that you feel better equipped too

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By (user no longer on site)
51 weeks ago

Nothing but respect for those that allow their parents a second chance but I truly believe that you have to be committed, present and willing to make sacrifices if you decide to become a parent. Reflection and self awareness is great but you don’t get to parent well only when you’re ready.

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By *agic johnsonMan
51 weeks ago

morden

Dam my old man was a army dude ,took no shit and regularly dished out hard assed punishments lol now he's a chilled out old dude , he burned all my toys once when I was a kid for flicking butter at my sister and getting a grease stain on the wallpaper , was super scared as a kid now we get on great , between fights lol

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