FabSwingers.com forum: Rejection

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How do you take it?

Are you prepared to risk it?

And (this is mostly for the guys) how does a lot of rejection make you feel?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rejection if I've never met them?

Meh, whatever.

After I've met them? Yeah that sucks.

I generally deal with it by slicing parts of my heart off and chucking it on the fire.

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By *929Man
over a year ago

bedlington

I never ever pursue anyone so no chance of rejection

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

I’d rather be rejected than always think what if

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

I'm able to handle it very well, as I don't have expectations. So high up

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Um. It depends on the depth of the connection.

Someone I'm attracted to but not invested in? Sucks for a moment but you can't be compatible with everyone. Take a moment to feel what I feel about it then move on.

Someone I genuinely believed I was important to? That's a much harder one to get past. Usually when it comes to break ups they're fairly mutual for me and the mourning period is absorbed by the discussing and trying to see if its fixable stages. The surprise ones fucking sting.

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By *illy IdolMan
over a year ago

Midlands

"How do you take it?

Like a gent

Are you prepared to risk it?

Yes, sometimes.

And (this is mostly for the guys) how does a lot of rejection make you feel?"

Disheartened

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Rejection if I've never met them?

Meh, whatever.

After I've met them? Yeah that sucks.

I generally deal with it by slicing parts of my heart off and chucking it on the fire. "

How much of your heart is left?

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By *ustamanMan
over a year ago

weymouth

It hurts, but then move on politely

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I never ever pursue anyone so no chance of rejection "

? Never? So you don't message anyone?

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"Rejection if I've never met them?

Meh, whatever.

After I've met them? Yeah that sucks.

I generally deal with it by slicing parts of my heart off and chucking it on the fire. "

I assume you don't have a chopping board, it's when the vegetables come handy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rejection has many different meanings for everyone. If I message someone on here and they don't reply, I don't take that as rejection. They are making a split decision based on something minor, they don't know me or what I bring to the table so that isn't rejecting you, it's rejecting a part of you.

To me true rejection is putting yourself completely out there to someone who you've given a lot of yourself too and they say no thank you. That situation wouldn't be nice and would probably bring a lot of insecurities to the forefront but ultimately I'd be okay. We can't be everyone's cup of tea in life so no matter who you are, its going to happen at some point so just take it on the chin and move forward.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I guess it depends on who’s doing it and why as to how it’s taken.

If it’s a random person who doesn’t like my opinions, I’m not bothered.

If it’s a partner and they’re rejecting me, that hurts.

How do I deal with it? I process it, why it was, where the hurt is coming from and move on

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’d rather be rejected than always think what if "

I tend to turn "what if" into some sort of justification for not taking the risk. Sneaky, I know. I get the sense Fab is divided into the "risk rejection" and "stay safe" camps.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Rejection is always shit. It stacks up though. Some rejections are whatever, there was an attraction but nothing deep so it's whatever. Eventually you get used to it.

The rejections thst hit hard are when there is something deeper. A relationship on some level. Having somebody (in its most basic form) walk away from that and not want you anymore. That's much harder to just be okay with, it requires a form of grief in a way. In fact it is grief for what was once a part of your life. I've dealt with it in different ways.

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By *opinovMan
over a year ago

Point Nemo, Cumbria

"How do you take it?

Are you prepared to risk it?

And (this is mostly for the guys) how does a lot of rejection make you feel?"

I've learned to take it as pretty much an expected outcome. Increasingly, I risk it less and less. So much so that I mainly wait until a woman contacts me first now.

When it does happen, though, it still makes me feel as shit as it ever did even though I'm better at moving past it. It's a bit like hitting your thumb with a hammer - you get more used to it as time goes by, and you maybe get a bit better at avoiding it, but it still hurts if it's a bad one.

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By *929Man
over a year ago

bedlington

"I never ever pursue anyone so no chance of rejection

? Never? So you don't message anyone?"

No the few people I’ve ever communicated with on here messaged first same in real life every partner I’ve ever had approached me the typical on the pull bloke thing just not me I go by if it meant to happen it will regardless

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm able to handle it very well, as I don't have expectations. So high up"

That seems a good way to go - expectations can be sometimes tricky to manage though. What happens with rejection from someone you're involved with?

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

On here - it doesn't bother me at all, we can't all be for everyone and that's fine.

In life with someone I have a connection with then it's more difficult to take I guess.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Rejection if I've never met them?

Meh, whatever.

After I've met them? Yeah that sucks.

I generally deal with it by slicing parts of my heart off and chucking it on the fire.

How much of your heart is left? "

Not much. Thankfully

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I haven't sent a first contact message since the beginning of 2020 so coming up on 4 years.

Even when I was sending messages I was very selective in who I messaged and every conversation was just that, a conversation.

I've never been rejected on here because I've never had those type of conversations or expectations.

I've had chats fizzle out but that's as dramatic as it's got.

On the other hand I've had many requests to meet where I wasn't interested and I've said no many more times than I've said yes but always politely and there have never been any issues.

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By *ilsaGeorgeCouple
over a year ago

kent

I’ve never had a problem being rejected by people. Each to their own and it doesn’t knock my confidence. I do however get despondent when I fail to make progress with my creative passions and work. I’ve developed a thick skin over the years, but it’s still frustrating.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Um. It depends on the depth of the connection.

Someone I'm attracted to but not invested in? Sucks for a moment but you can't be compatible with everyone. Take a moment to feel what I feel about it then move on.

Being rejected by someone who knows you is always going to hurt, isn't it?

Especially if it side-swipes you.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

Always expecting rejection. Water of a ducks back eventually. Taken with grace. Makes you feel ugly and unwanted to be honest

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By *ilverfox for youMan
over a year ago

Hull

Frustrated !!!especially after 90 messages !!then they ghost you !!what’s that all about ??

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By *anJXMan
over a year ago

Warrington

I'm always rejected just comes with the website. Smile and move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you take it?

Are you prepared to risk it?

And (this is mostly for the guys) how does a lot of rejection make you feel?"

For me it depends how important they are to me. Also if I've met them or not. The more involved they are in my life and how I perceive them to be in my life, the bigger the disappointment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfazed tbh, especially if its just getting deleted/ghosted on here.

I understand alot of women are intimidated by how incredible I am, so I won't judge them for being too nervous to talk

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
over a year ago

Chichester

Doesn’t bother me it’s just statistical ultimately , plus you can use data over time to look for patterns / flaws with why you maybe getting lots of rejections and adapt accordingly.

For me I can’t take fab seriously as the nature of the site is based on high volume low profitability so to speak

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How do you take it?

Like a gent

Are you prepared to risk it?

Yes, sometimes.

And (this is mostly for the guys) how does a lot of rejection make you feel?

Disheartened "

Just not wanting to continue?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I never ever pursue anyone so no chance of rejection

? Never? So you don't message anyone?

Interesting. You're in the minority of men there I think. So if there's someone you fancy, you will just see if they approach?

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By *hrek101Man
over a year ago

Herts

"I never ever pursue anyone so no chance of rejection "

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I say 'oh fuck off!' to the snake ring on my ring finger.

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

"I never ever pursue anyone so no chance of rejection

This"

Ditto

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By *lamdaddyMan
over a year ago

London

Rejection never feels good. Even if you don't rate them or care it's still like ouch jesus!

But I handle it like a pro and honestly think being told sorry you're not for me after exchanging pics rather than ignoring is nice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suppose it depends. If it was a rejection off this site it can sting a little if you have gotten to them.

Outside of fab, I was rejected recently (long story) and it hurts. So far for me it has meant increasing time in the gym and going for long walks on the coastal path untill I figure out a way to sort myself out

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

I message people to get to know them, not to have sex. If attraction follows that further down the line, then great. If it doesn’t, nothing lost. So I don’t think I’ve experienced rejection as such here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Rejection is always shit. It stacks up though. Some rejections are whatever, there was an attraction but nothing deep so it's whatever. Eventually you get used to it.

Yeah if we don't properly grieve that loss, it can keep on affecting us. I just skated over the worst one and then walked into another man rejecting me. It's better to pause and take stock.

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By *jj2012Man
over a year ago

Barry

"How do you take it?

Are you prepared to risk it?

And (this is mostly for the guys) how does a lot of rejection make you feel?"

In life we're never going to be everyone's cup of tea, aslong as you stay true to yourself and be yourself the people who are meant to find you will being rejected is part of growing as a person and not worth loosing sleep over

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By *929Man
over a year ago

bedlington

"I never ever pursue anyone so no chance of rejection

? Never? So you don't message anyone?

Interesting. You're in the minority of men there I think. So if there's someone you fancy, you will just see if they approach?"

I just don’t invest too much other that thinking they look nice (which I can think of someone even if have zero interest just appreciating that they look attractive) if haven’t communicated directly with them got a sense of what they are like on a personal level.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont mind rejection if its something like

Distance or type diffrence

But its nice to be told and not ghosted

Its wen the ghosting stacks up multiple times that it really does take a toll

I try to be possitive but some days it just feels like a unwinnable battle and would be nice to have some one step in and say something nice

Some times people just want to talk even if they aint attracted it makes life alittle more kinder

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How do you take it?

Are you prepared to risk it?

And (this is mostly for the guys) how does a lot of rejection make you feel?

I've learned to take it as pretty much an expected outcome. Increasingly, I risk it less and less. So much so that I mainly wait until a woman contacts me first now.

I think it's quite reasonable to not want to keep hitting your thumb with a hammer!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I haven't sent a first contact message since the beginning of 2020 so coming up on 4 years.

Even when I was sending messages I was very selective in who I messaged and every conversation was just that, a conversation.

I've never been rejected on here because I've never had those type of conversations or expectations.

I've had chats fizzle out but that's as dramatic as it's got.

On the other hand I've had many requests to meet where I wasn't interested and I've said no many more times than I've said yes but always politely and there have never been any issues. "

I much prefer the concept of just chatting with someone and seeing where it goes - than "ask and answered" which is always rejection for someone.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Rejection is always shit. It stacks up though. Some rejections are whatever, there was an attraction but nothing deep so it's whatever. Eventually you get used to it.

How you deal with it will also vary. Its fluid. You'll have good and bad days, weeks and even months or years.

Sometimes the simplest things will trigger you. Others you don't give them a seconds thought.

It's not as simple as 'how do you deal with it' because until you need to deal with a specific moment, incident or trigger you won't know.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you take it?

Are you prepared to risk it?

And (this is mostly for the guys) how does a lot of rejection make you feel?"

Well nothing to loose if i get rejected, but just because of fear of rejection, if not approaching surely will not lead to success

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

I've stopped putting myself in that position.

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

Don't tell people how you feel then you can't get hurt.. simples ...been there, done that..

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’ve never had a problem being rejected by people. Each to their own and it doesn’t knock my confidence. I do however get despondent when I fail to make progress with my creative passions and work. I’ve developed a thick skin over the years, but it’s still frustrating. "

Do you think it's because you have Ailsa?

I know what you mean about the other stuff - it's not rejection precisely but brings me down a lot too.

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By *mcheshireMan
over a year ago

Cheshire

All depends everyone gets rejected especially on this website but that's normal as we can't have a connection with everyone and people may want different things but I have managed to speak to a couple of people on here which I enjoy speaking to so kepe faith there are decent people on here and in the world

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Do you think it's because you have Ailsa?

I know what you mean about the other stuff - it's not rejection precisely but brings me down a lot too.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Always expecting rejection. Water of a ducks back eventually. Taken with grace. Makes you feel ugly and unwanted to be honest

I don't think it can be great for long-term mental health, surely?

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By *rlandoMan
over a year ago

Lincs. yorks.

beyond giving a rats tits ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is what it is

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

"It is what it is

Swings and roundabouts

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It hurts, but then move on politely "

Does it have any impact on you in the long run?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It is what it is

Swings and roundabouts "

All good things come to those who wait...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It is what it is

Swings and roundabouts

All good things come to those who wait...

What’s for you won’t go by you

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Unfazed tbh, especially if its just getting deleted/ghosted on here.

I understand alot of women are intimidated by how incredible I am, so I won't judge them for being too nervous to talk"

So very true. You are most intimidating.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It is what it is

Swings and roundabouts

All good things come to those who wait...

What’s for you won’t go by you

Nothing ventured nothing gained?

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

Ok being serious for a minute probably won't last long. Fireworks get me excited.

Depends how it's given.

Yes absolutely.

It feels like rejection, it hurts a bit sometimes - sure. I honestly can't recall the last time I felt hurt by rejection though. Disappointed yeah a couple of times. You can feel that way and be the one having to do the rejecting. I actually dislike having to do that more.

It's not grief or betrayal though. That's the stuff that will put me off my dinner.

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

"It is what it is

Swings and roundabouts

All good things come to those who wait...

What’s for you won’t go by you

Nothing ventured nothing gained? "

Dodged a bullet.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Frustrated !!!especially after 90 messages !!then they ghost you !!what’s that all about ??"

You won't have an answer, I'm afraid. I had 5 months with someone and they ghosted. Just have to come to terms with it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm always rejected just comes with the website. Smile and move on"

Well it comes with the website if you're a guy, it would seem.

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By *eeliciouschaosWoman
over a year ago

Wherever

I always go in with an assumption of a rejection, so when it happens, I’m not so shocked.

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By *ilsaGeorgeCouple
over a year ago

kent

Do you think it's because you have Ailsa?

I know what you mean about the other stuff - it's not rejection precisely but brings me down a lot too. "

Probably. I draw strength and confidence in so many ways simply because Ailsa chooses to share her life with me Xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Rejection has many different meanings for everyone. If I message someone on here and they don't reply, I don't take that as rejection. They are making a split decision based on something minor, they don't know me or what I bring to the table so that isn't rejecting you, it's rejecting a part of you.

I'm not sure I've had a no on here because I've never outright asked. But when I say no, I don't think it's a rejection of the person. It's just they don't match up to what I'm looking for.

I guess taking it on the chin depends on how strong our self-belief is in the first place?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It is what it is

Swings and roundabouts

All good things come to those who wait...

What’s for you won’t go by you

Nothing ventured nothing gained?

Dodged a bullet."

A lucky escape!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It is what it is

Swings and roundabouts

All good things come to those who wait...

What’s for you won’t go by you

Nothing ventured nothing gained?

Dodged a bullet.

A lucky escape!"

But s/he who hesitates is lost!

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I've not really faced rejection often in my life.

I think that's a bad thing, not a positive; I'd say I'm almost hyper aware of the potential of it so I avoid going for something unless I'm certain it will happen. As a result of that I'm quite cautious. Quick to talk myself out of something.

I have no qualms in messaging people first because it's not with any intention of fucking. Friendship maybe as a hope but not expectation. I'm not sure that's risking anything really. If it works, great, if not that's fine.

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

"It is what it is

Swings and roundabouts

All good things come to those who wait...

What’s for you won’t go by you

Nothing ventured nothing gained?

Dodged a bullet.

A lucky escape!

But s/he who hesitates is lost!

Don't rush in where angels fear to tread.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Doesn’t bother me it’s just statistical ultimately , plus you can use data over time to look for patterns / flaws with why you maybe getting lots of rejections and adapt accordingly.

For me I can’t take fab seriously as the nature of the site is based on high volume low profitability so to speak

I think many people do take it seriously and personally. Perhaps to start?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It is what it is

Swings and roundabouts

All good things come to those who wait...

What’s for you won’t go by you

Nothing ventured nothing gained?

Dodged a bullet.

A lucky escape!

But s/he who hesitates is lost!

The early bird catches the worm

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By *gor247Man
over a year ago

london

It’s a part of life, we ALL have been rejected for something or by someone because. It’s a small pond here so it can seem like it’s personal, but in the grand scheme of things there are plenty more fish in the sea

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By *rRiosMan
over a year ago

dublin

"It is what it is

Swings and roundabouts

All good things come to those who wait...

What’s for you won’t go by you

Nothing ventured nothing gained?

Dodged a bullet.

A lucky escape!

But s/he who hesitates is lost!

The early bird catches the worm

There’s a lid for every pot

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

somerset

selection and rejection are what swinging is all about basically so if you cant handle rejection then there no point in you being on this scene as a whole ...

this appies to all but due to the sheer number of men men will get it alot lot more often couples and women have the pick of the bunch in truth tho sexual attraction is a must and thats the hardest bit to find ..

there are men on here who cannot accept rejection and become dangerous with it and we are not talking a few men niether ... ive seen women in clubs not handle rejection very well and couples .... it applies to us all but like i said men more so because of the sheer numbers alot of men will never get a meet let alone worry about rejection ..... thick skin is and alway has been needed on this scene same as those who come across soft they just get walked over ....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I say 'oh fuck off!' to the snake ring on my ring finger."

Does this instantly make you feel better? Should we all get snake rings?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It is what it is

Swings and roundabouts

All good things come to those who wait...

What’s for you won’t go by you

Nothing ventured nothing gained?

Dodged a bullet.

A lucky escape!

But s/he who hesitates is lost!

The early bird catches the worm

There’s a lid for every pot "

Rob from the rich to give to the poor

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By *orbidden eastMan
over a year ago

london dodging electric scooters

Unfortunately rejection is a part of life. And if you regarding this lovely place called fab.

then it happens all the time what can we do just need to move on and carry on.

Life is too short

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I never ever pursue anyone so no chance of rejection

This

Ditto"

Is this a good long term strategy, do we think?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm finding it a bit tough to reply to everyone on account of the two glasses of wine (hic!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sally have me cottage to comment as, bring asked about rejection hit home...

You've taken me back over 20 years to a big rejection.

You've also got a lot of good answers on there.

Great thread.

Thank you for making me think about how I do deal with rejection. Xxx

Not just relationships but at the littlest level at work etc.

Rejection isn't always a reflection as the old lady said to me on the bus as I cried my heart out traveling to a flat I hated when a young love rejected me at a vulnerable time xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sally gave me courage to comment as, being asked about rejection hit home...

You've taken me back over 20 years to a big rejection.

You've also got a lot of good answers on there.

Great thread.

Thank you for making me think about how I do deal with rejection. Xxx

Not just relationships but at the littlest level at work etc.

Rejection isn't always a reflection as the old lady said to me on the bus as I cried my heart out traveling to a flat I hated when a young love rejected me at a vulnerable time xx"

Thank you for sharing. Rejection can have a big impact on us. It still stings for me too.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

Sexual rejection is just incompatibility and I always respect that with positivity

Friendship rejection stings like a bitch and I am hard nosed and walk away in a instant never to return. Being over invested is something I do and is the thing that hurts me the most, but I'd rather be the one who cares too much and be rejected than vice versa

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

It may sound flippant but I do not give it a second thought.

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By *andadbodMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"How do you take it?

Are you prepared to risk it?

And (this is mostly for the guys) how does a lot of rejection make you feel?"

was very deflating in the early days of swinging, but these days I don’t message, i just wait and hope someone sees me and finds me interesting enough to message

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By *hrek101Man
over a year ago

Herts

"I never ever pursue anyone so no chance of rejection

This

Ditto

Is this a good long term strategy, do we think? "
works for me so far. My experience is it's pointless messaging the opposite sex as men have such a bad reputation and 99% of MSG's get ignored, so if someone really likes you they will let you know.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rejection is an awful situation to be in. Whether it is here or a job rejection.

I have had to take a fair few laat few months but I got there in the end.

It can bring on anxiety and depression for some people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been rejected so many times since childhood that when someone actually wants to meet, I can't help but think, "Is this a trap or are they just really lost?

Rejection makes acceptance more interesting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m not fussed, I expect the worst, anything else is a nice surprise.

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By *riel13Woman
over a year ago

Northampton

I don't think I care enough for it to bother me too much

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rejection here is fine.

It doesn't mean that you have no value.

I think there is a pull towards Fab with high expectations that you'll get the positive affirmations you need.

When that doesn't happen, inevitably, there is a feeling of rejection.

Often, the appreciation you need is right in front of you, in your day-to-day life; your work, your friends circle or the area that you live.

Get out there, don't be confined here

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By *lexm87Man
over a year ago

Various

"I've been rejected so many times since childhood that when someone actually wants to meet, I can't help but think, "Is this a trap or are they just really lost?

Rejection makes acceptance more interesting. "

This was the post I was trying to write.

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

"I never ever pursue anyone so no chance of rejection

This

Ditto

Is this a good long term strategy, do we think? "

Probably not lol .. but burned fingers etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends if ifs a polite "no thanks" or violently closing the curtains making me drop my binoculars, either way that's life

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By *hagTonightMan
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.

"I never ever pursue anyone so no chance of rejection "
This

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By *arialoueWoman
over a year ago

bradford

I stopped getting my hopes up for stuff to go right along time ago but I never got used to the rejection n disappointments

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rejection on here or offline by someone who doesn't know me doesn't feel great but I just keep it moving. I can deal with it by reminding myself I've done my fair share of rejection a multitude of reasons and it's no different. It could be anything from lack of attraction, to having a bad day or currently with someone else. I never ask why as its their choice to make so never really know.

With someone else who knows me or there's a connection it's much harder. I'm a thinker and over thinker so I'll be reflecting on that for a long time.

Neither feels good.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I also wonder to everyone that doesn't like rejection, are you then kind in your rejections. Seeing as you know the feeling isn't nice, do you let people down with some thought.

I know I certainly try to. And have a lot of respect for people who put themselves out there and make first contact.

I can't stand outside the fire. Have to risk it.

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By *uscle88Man
over a year ago

Potters Bar

I’ve gotten use to being messed about on here too many times, so I don’t have any expectations going forward. It’s surprising tbh because I do t think I’m a bad looking fella but is what it is

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By *oldAndBoundlessMan
over a year ago

Bradford

It’s a fallacy

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By *ilver2000Man
over a year ago

South West

Rejection is just part of life, you have to learn to deal with it.

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By *use and wolfCouple
over a year ago

angus

"How do you take it?

Are you prepared to risk it?

And (this is mostly for the guys) how does a lot of rejection make you feel?"

Used to take it badly, after a few it got to me, i even feared it. But when i stopped caring about what other people think of me it went out the window,along with fear of, well anything really.

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By *use and wolfCouple
over a year ago

angus

"It’s a fallacy"

In your experience because it really is a thing. And it's not something everyone owns up to either.

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By *igrating ladMan
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

I’ll be honest at first it didn’t bother me but the more it happens the more I feel ugly and not attractive at all. I guess on here you really have to stand out. I think gone are the days where women liked the caveman or Viking type it’s all about muscles, tats etc.

Hence I find myself just on here to perv as nothing else really happens for me on here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I also wonder to everyone that doesn't like rejection, are you then kind in your rejections. Seeing as you know the feeling isn't nice, do you let people down with some thought.

I know I certainly try to. And have a lot of respect for people who put themselves out there and make first contact.

I can't stand outside the fire. Have to risk it. "

This is a good point. Although some people have said they don't consider a "no thanks" from here as a rejection. I think most guys seem to. And take it very personally, when often it's simply distance or type. If someone has thoughtfully messaged me, I reply politely but without reasons. I am thinking I might change my stock reply to be a little warmer after this thread though.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It’s a fallacy"

Can you explain why?

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

In my previous comment I said that I had said no quite a few times on here without any issues.

Thinking more about it that is true in regards to people I had been chatting to for a while but wasn't feeling it.

However, I have had many introductory messages from couples that were lists of instructions and demands right from the off.

Telling me exactly what I had to do or pretend to be in order to be added to their "to-do" lists for future meets.

These were all extremely well verified profiles and in some cases extremely productive and "popular" forumites with private attitudes completely the opposite of their forum personas.

All of those were rejected, some politely, some sarcastically and some in the same tone as their message.

Most of those did not take rejection lightly.

Their response was to ask if I was really that stupid? Did I not know who they were and their standing in the community? Did I not know how they could end my fab journey? Did I not know it was my loss?

Some people can't handle rejection but others aren't used to it and don't seem to understand why people aren't grateful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The jigsaw does not resent the piece which doesn’t fit. Be more jigsaw.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"selection and rejection are what swinging is all about basically so if you cant handle rejection then there no point in you being on this scene as a whole ...

I think any site where you're trying to meet people will involve rejection. This is probably much worse for some people - I get the impression many guys are just bewildered. I don't have a thick skin and I'm not going to develop one now, I don't think. Perhaps resilience and belief in yourself are more important?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"In my previous comment I said that I had said no quite a few times on here without any issues.

Thinking more about it that is true in regards to people I had been chatting to for a while but wasn't feeling it.

However, I have had many introductory messages from couples that were lists of instructions and demands right from the off.

Telling me exactly what I had to do or pretend to be in order to be added to their "to-do" lists for future meets.

These were all extremely well verified profiles and in some cases extremely productive and "popular" forumites with private attitudes completely the opposite of their forum personas.

All of those were rejected, some politely, some sarcastically and some in the same tone as their message.

Most of those did not take rejection lightly.

Some people can't handle rejection but others aren't used to it and don't seem to understand why people aren't grateful. "

That reaches new heights of entitlement! As a single woman I have seen men throw their toys out the pram when I've declined and tell me I'm missing out. Or they didn't want me anyway. It's all eye-rolling stuff, isn't it!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The jigsaw does not resent the piece which doesn’t fit. Be more jigsaw. "

Wise you are

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By *inkygentkentMan
over a year ago

Maidstone

I'm used to it but there is still a sense of deflation. Haven't met many from here but it does suck a bit when you seem to be building a rapport and then the messages just stop and you don't really know why.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I see threads that say.. What do I do about the fact that I sent messages but hardly any replied? Obviously been rejected so the need to spew, vent, dramatise etc comes forthwith in the thread.

If, a response says no, or no reply drama creeps in with many females and males. Sites like these will attract drama, rejection acceptance for many believe that they tell us how it feels. Instead of just going not meant to be, dwindling on it, over thinking and at times posting threads to vent their feelings.

I said before, having interview rejection hurts too. It is not meant to be, say to myself, something will come to fruition.

I move on, I find other jobs to apply for and no drama over it, no venting. Keeping positivity alive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends if ifs a polite "no thanks" or violently closing the curtains making me drop my binoculars, either way that's life

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’ll be honest at first it didn’t bother me but the more it happens the more I feel ugly and not attractive at all. I guess on here you really have to stand out. I think gone are the days where women liked the caveman or Viking type it’s all about muscles, tats etc.

Hence I find myself just on here to perv as nothing else really happens for me on here. "

Women like all different physical types. Just like men do. Why not start a thread asking for feedback on your profile and see if that helps? I know what I would say, but you haven't asked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you take it?

Are you prepared to risk it?

And (this is mostly for the guys) how does a lot of rejection make you feel?"

Used to it so its like water off a ducks back. Im polite, chatty and pleasant but still get ignored. Never forcecmyself on anyone butvnever get invited to play. I give up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 05/11/23 09:03:20]

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

On fab?

With strangers?

It’s a part of life, it happens to everyone, no matter how attractive or popular they are.

In real life?

With friends or someone you trusted?

That’s a bit harder to process. But I do my damndest not to take anything personally, because it’s usually not about me, it’s about them.

And sexually, or with strangers… if someone’s not interested in me why would I be interested in them anyway?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a man I think we are programmed to handle rejection… I’ve had rejection and acceptance in equal does and done ok…. It’s understandable to be disappointed espalier if girl is hot but the team plenty more fish was not invented for nothing … I bet Angelina Jolie was rejected once or twice ..

Key, don’t toad to seriously unless you were rejected for being offensive somehow

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By *igrating ladMan
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

Hence I find myself just on here to perv as nothing else really happens for me on here.

Women like all different physical types. Just like men do. Why not start a thread asking for feedback on your profile and see if that helps? I know what I would say, but you haven't asked. "

Sent you a DM…be gentle

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"On fab?

With strangers?

It’s a part of life, it happens to everyone, no matter how attractive or popular they are.

In real life?

With friends or someone you trusted?

That’s a bit harder to process. But I do my damndest not to take anything personally, because it’s usually not about me, it’s about them.

And sexually, or with strangers… if someone’s not interested in me why would I be interested in them anyway?"

That last paragraph I agree with totally. That’s why I’ve never understood the obsession/bunny boiler types. If someone doesn’t want me I instantly won’t want them. That’s how my mind has always worked. So no rejection wouldn’t be an issue for me at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On here can get draining when you get nowhere, you get thick skinned and the reality is there are many in here and just because a certain lady catches my eye but I don’t catch hers then that’s no reason to be sad, however from time to time being on fab and being single hurts my soul deeply, we are not designed to be lonely and trying to be stoic about it stops us being human

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By *igrating ladMan
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

Yep just had another one. Wow honestly I must be so vulgar and ugly. Maybe I should change my name to Gollum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Rejection is always shit. It stacks up though. Some rejections are whatever, there was an attraction but nothing deep so it's whatever. Eventually you get used to it.

^ this

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By *oss25Man
over a year ago

Flitwick and Fakenham

A slight sting if delivered unkindly but otherwise why be upset…I don’t know them and they don’t know me.

It makes an actual connection all the sweeter.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How do you take it?

Are you prepared to risk it?

And (this is mostly for the guys) how does a lot of rejection make you feel?

Used to it so its like water off a ducks back. Im polite, chatty and pleasant but still get ignored. Never forcecmyself on anyone butvnever get invited to play. I give up"

I'm not sure people will invite you to play. How would that work?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hence I find myself just on here to perv as nothing else really happens for me on here.

Women like all different physical types. Just like men do. Why not start a thread asking for feedback on your profile and see if that helps? I know what I would say, but you haven't asked.

Sent you a DM…be gentle

I think I was

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"On fab?

With strangers?

It’s a part of life, it happens to everyone, no matter how attractive or popular they are.

In real life?

With friends or someone you trusted?

That’s a bit harder to process. But I do my damndest not to take anything personally, because it’s usually not about me, it’s about them.

And sexually, or with strangers… if someone’s not interested in me why would I be interested in them anyway?"

I do think a refusal is so often about the other person that it's wise not to take it seriously. I refuse an offer for all sorts of reasons and it's rarely because I think a guy is ugly and horrible.

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By *urve_your_enthusiasmWoman
over a year ago

Manchester

On here... it doesn't bother me.

When we meet, I am always certain that the guy is going to be extremely disappointed to meet me and when they talk about a meet or make a move, I'm always very surprised.

If I'm going out, I never make a move on anyone because I know that it is extremely unlikely that they're attracted to me.

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By *esafinadOHolyNightMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Too much rejection can leave a man feeling deflated, until he can again come to terms with the fact that he'll never be everyone's cup of tea. This man anyway.

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By *atthew78Man
over a year ago

Winsford

If they are polite and say "sorry not interested" or something similar I always say thank you take care

If they ignore and delete the message I leave it alone

It never feels good and knocks my confidence I am often hesitant to make a move

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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago

Redhill

As I’ve said before, I am not an approacher; I am an “approachée”

so very rarely will I ever message anyone…

I’ve been kinda rejected twice on my journey here. Once I met someone I’d been chatting for a while for a social. I did like him but it was very, very obvious that he was not into me. I looked for my farewell hug and kiss and I was offered a handshake LMAO. That stung a bit but it was a good few years ago and I was still finding my feet on Fab.

The other one was quite recent- I was at a club by myself a couple of weeks ago and a couple came and stood next to me at the bar. We started some chitchat and I offered to buy the lady a drink, as you do.

I did, and then they offered to buy me one, we chatted while drinks were being made, once they were handed over and I was going to suggest we sat down etc- they said “well, have a good night..” turned around and left! I felt like a bit of a lemon for 2 minutes. Mostly because I was in a very social mood, but never mind- as it’s been said before, we can’t be everyone’s cup of tea….

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By *G TMan
over a year ago

birmingham

Rejection doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I know I’m a top bloke and when people get to know me I’m very fun, outgoing, kind and caring person. It’s others people’s loss I guess if they haven’t taken time out to get to know me. Im a very good listener and also a good problem solver. Can always make a bad situation good

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"On here... it doesn't bother me.

When we meet, I am always certain that the guy is going to be extremely disappointed to meet me and when they talk about a meet or make a move, I'm always very surprised.

If I'm going out, I never make a move on anyone because I know that it is extremely unlikely that they're attracted to me. "

That's...a very poor opinion of yourself.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

You develop a hide like a rhino. You get use to it

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By *rRiosMan
over a year ago

dublin

I would have at least finished the drink with you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"On here... it doesn't bother me.

When we meet, I am always certain that the guy is going to be extremely disappointed to meet me and when they talk about a meet or make a move, I'm always very surprised.

If I'm going out, I never make a move on anyone because I know that it is extremely unlikely that they're attracted to me. "

Waaa going from your public pics you look amazing! This is either satire or you need spectacles

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am used to rejection it’s part of life

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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago

Redhill

I would have at least finished the drink with you

I agree haha! I was gobsmacked in all honesty. But it was also a reality check if anything.

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By *r PantyMan
over a year ago

Morpeth

Water off a ducks back - I'm too long in the tooth for it to be any kind of an issue.

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By *avexxMan
over a year ago

cheshire

nobody likes rejection but it happens to us all thats life but you move on,,

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By *estSussexGuy76Man
over a year ago

copthorne

I don't look at it as rejection on here.

You put yourself out there for pure gratification, not love or romance.

In real life, I have high expectations so I accept that the girls I date have the same expectations....

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By *ilthycoupleabzCouple
over a year ago

Aberdeen

"How do you take it?

Are you prepared to risk it?

And (this is mostly for the guys) how does a lot of rejection make you feel?"

I don't tend to contact or approach anyone as my default assumption is they won't be interested. No risk of rejections at all.

Mr is the one who has to point out to me that someone is interested and then I will take a risk.

MrsAbz

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How do you take it?

Are you prepared to risk it?

And (this is mostly for the guys) how does a lot of rejection make you feel?

I don't tend to contact or approach anyone as my default assumption is they won't be interested. No risk of rejections at all.

Mr is the one who has to point out to me that someone is interested and then I will take a risk.

MrsAbz "

Yeah this is me too. I think this is many women here, but guys push through it.

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By *r_PinkMan
over a year ago

london stratford

"How do you take it?

Are you prepared to risk it?

And (this is mostly for the guys) how does a lot of rejection make you feel?"

Rejection is never nice. but even worse is when you get rejected and then they try and "cock block" you with others! Which, I have had in the past at certain socials. As actual rejection just means that person or couple do not fancy you. which is fair enough, but when they start to slag you off to others!!!!m well that is just them being cuntish for no real reason other then being a cunt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to be so afraid of rejection that I didn’t try.

One of my friends once said that people shouldn’t be frightened of rejection because it’s part of the road to success. In fact you’ll have more rejections than successes so you need to smile at the rejections and move on.

Many years down the line I give that advice sometimes because it helped me with my confidence and happiness loads.

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By *avrick180Man
over a year ago

Pontypool

I'm use to it now better than getting abused or told to f off like some do on here

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By *arren and AliciaCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

Laugh it off and move on thier loss lol

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By *avrick180Man
over a year ago

Pontypool

It's the way I am now but it don't help when ur being polite to them aswell

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By *alleyDaveMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

"How do you take it?

Are you prepared to risk it?

And (this is mostly for the guys) how does a lot of rejection make you feel?"

I learnt a year ago ,after I'd been on here for six months ,after seeing every message I sent deleted unread ,that spending time reading profiles ,and sending well thought messages tailored to that person ,shared simular likes and dislikes that I was wasting my time and effort.

For me it wasn't rejection, more a waste of time knowing that no good would ever come of that policy.

For the last year I've just read and posted in the forums . I think for 99% of single blokes on Fab (including myself ) ,that this place will never offer anything more than being an online forum to chat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well you have to take it on the chin and not be abusive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get rejected all the time. It's just part of life. I've literally lost nothing so I don't really see it as a big deal.

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By *rivervaderMan
over a year ago

bolton

Would rather be told no thanx than it be left as unread then I know where I stand

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I get rejected all the time. It's just part of life. I've literally lost nothing so I don't really see it as a big deal."

I think seeing that you've lost nothing is a more positive way to view refusal/rejection in the long run, for sure.

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By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

[Removed by poster at 06/11/23 08:21:51]

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By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

Rejection from strangers matters not i dont put enough effort in to care

Rejection from those you put on high above all others devestating and almost impossible to shake

So the best way to avoid it is to keep everyone a stranger its much safer for my brain

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By *ts_Business_TimeCouple
over a year ago

Berkshire

Rejection is part of the lifestyle, you can’t be afraid to put yourself out there

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

[Removed by poster at 06/11/23 08:23:42]

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By *neforutoMan
over a year ago

Fantasy land in the SW

"Would rather be told no thanx than it be left as unread then I know where I stand"

yup

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By *neforutoMan
over a year ago

Fantasy land in the SW

"How do you take it?

Are you prepared to risk it?

And (this is mostly for the guys) how does a lot of rejection make you feel?

For me it wasn't rejection, more a waste of time knowing that no good would ever come of that policy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a guy I faced a lot of rejection when younger because pulling is just a numbers game. Gotta take a lot of shots to land a few

As I get older and random sex becomes less interesting I find myself doing the bulk of the rejecting because most people don’t really have much to offer

Because I know what it feels like I try to make it as painless as possible, although I’m sure most of them have plenty of other options and my rejection doesn’t phase them

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By *entlemanrogueMan
over a year ago

Motherwell

"How do you take it?

Are you prepared to risk it?

And (this is mostly for the guys) how does a lot of rejection make you feel?"

on this site rejection is deleted mrssages or messages ignored, thats so easy to handle

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By *ysonfuryMan
over a year ago

Stockport

If we are talking rejection on fab I think that depends on your expectations. If I send a message to a couple or a single lady I dont expect a reply, they may get hundreds of messages. If I receive a reply it's a bonus and then it's just a chat to get a feel about someone, if it leads somewhere great but if not at least we've had a good natter. Same with socials I don't with expectation of play, just enjoy the social and see where it goes. May both bounce of each other maybe not each others cup of tea but at least you have met someone new. It's normal for folks to have likes and dislikes and you just may not tick all their boxes. I don't take that as rejection I may just not be their type and vice versa

happy fabbing everyone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never face rejection here, because I never instigate messages. I fab pictures of women and profiles I like, and move on. I don't even use the wink feature. Most women say they don't look at their fabs, but they do. I get enough messages to make me happy with my experience here, from those I fab.

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By *hunky ChefMan
over a year ago

Norwich

I'd love some rejection instead of nothing at all.

No reply = rejection? = Try to block

it out

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

People say yes to messages and people say no to messages. Thats life. I do the same to others and don’t lose any sleep over it.

If it is meant to be then great. If it isn’t then great as well.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

I just take it in my stride. I have the most amazing woman anyways. So I'm perfectly fulfilled and happy. I just like a bit of variety and new experiences (like the majority of us on here). We can't be everyones cup of tea. The same as everyone isn't ours either and we have to politely say no thanks to others. You just kind of hope everyone is adult and civil about it (alas not always the case in my experience).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you take it?

Are you prepared to risk it?

And (this is mostly for the guys) how does a lot of rejection make you feel?"

Why message when I can see lots of filth for not a lot of money?

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By *alm_one4Man
over a year ago

RM16

Any messages I send are deleted from my sent mailbox immediately as i don’t expect a reply. I don’t stress the lack of reply’s, got other things to worry about in all honesty

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Nowhere

"How do you take it?

Are you prepared to risk it?

And (this is mostly for the guys) how does a lot of rejection make you feel?"

Sometimes it’s frustrating because you know if you met in the real world it would probably be great fun. But the journey to meeting in the real world from here is full of additional challenges. Geography for one - age limits is another - plus the amount of fakes on here - in the real world you have already met - not making arrangements to Meet which you then don’t keep. I expect most interactions on here to be a brief chat or interaction on the forums. If you have expectations of meeting frequently on here you’re setting yourself up to be disappointed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/11/23 09:41:00]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you take it?

Are you prepared to risk it?

And (this is mostly for the guys) how does a lot of rejection make you feel?"

With conflicting information information like this then what are you really looking for?

“ Not into NSA.

Not going to meet today.

I want connection and openness and passion. Maybe it's hard to find here, but I'm patient.

*Into* kink / calm men / gonks / beards.

*Not into* dick pics / partnered men / massages / coffee.

Happy fabbing!”

The problem with sites like these are they promise a lot but don’t deliver and writing isn’t the same as real world interaction anyway: with men outnumbering women here why should men make all that effort when there are no guarantees?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I took it personally every time I get rejected I’d never get out of bed. It’s easy to take it as something personal, a failure on our own part or a deficiency of something when really it’s just we aren’t what someone wants or needs.

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By *inchyorksMan
over a year ago

huddersfield

Rejection on here is no big deal, lets be honest it's a superficial rejection.

Rejection after meeting someone and forming a connection, that stings a little!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reject and block me

I love it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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