FabSwingers.com forum: The worst job

By *layfullsam OP Man
over a year ago

Solihull

What’s the worst job you’ve ever done and why

Hopefully it’s not the one you’re in now

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By *obilebottomMan
over a year ago

All over

Lucky on that score, loved them all.

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By *layfullsam OP Man
over a year ago

Solihull

"Lucky on that score, loved them all.

Winning at life

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I worked for a well known cosmetic firm, on the production line.

I literally put stickers on the bottom of mascara for 8 hours a day,i used to pray for that machine to breakdown lol.

Thankfully it was just a summer job during my Alevels.

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By *layfullsam OP Man
over a year ago

Solihull

"I worked for a well known cosmetic firm, on the production line.

I literally put stickers on the bottom of mascara for 8 hours a day,i used to pray for that machine to breakdown lol.

Thankfully it was just a summer job during my Alevels. "

Oh no I bet your feet hurt standing on one spot for 8 hours

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I worked for virgin media as a field tech and I hated every minute of it, in the cold, dealing with other people’s bodges, the management everything- stuck it out for a couple years and then walked. Best decision

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Too many to list but one of the worst was working on an RAF base,the sump pump in the sewage pit that is in three stages before it gets to the treatment plant the middle pit the pump had broken down, now this pit is about 20ft deep and the pump is on chains.

The junior ranks had been out pissing it up the weekend and the pit was full to the top.

I had to assist the engineer pulling the pump out of the pit.

We had the fire crew there (they had nothing else to do)

With hoses spraying the chains down as we pulled it out.

We had harnesses attached to eye's to prevent falling in so both leaning over pulling ( the stench

)

Just as we got the pump to the surface his grip slipped and he let go causing the pump to PLOP down into the shit and piss covering me in a huge splat.

I vommed the fire brigade guy's hosed me down but could hardly stand up for laughing.

I've had an extremely weak gag reflex since,the smell of shit gets me every time.

That was about 1989

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By *ottodot123Couple
over a year ago

Gillingham

Litter picking the car parks at brand hatch.

Absolutely grim. I lasted one day.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

"Too many to list but one of the worst was working on an RAF base,the sump pump in the sewage pit that is in three stages before it gets to the treatment plant the middle pit the pump had broken down, now this pit is about 20ft deep and the pump is on chains.

The junior ranks had been out pissing it up the weekend and the pit was full to the top.

I had to assist the engineer pulling the pump out of the pit.

We had the fire crew there (they had nothing else to do)

With hoses spraying the chains down as we pulled it out.

We had harnesses attached to eye's to prevent falling in so both leaning over pulling ( the stench

)

Just as we got the pump to the surface his grip slipped and he let go causing the pump to PLOP down into the shit and piss covering me in a huge splat.

I vommed the fire brigade guy's hosed me down but could hardly stand up for laughing.

I've had an extremely weak gag reflex since,the smell of shit gets me every time.

That was about 1989"

I've worked in houses where people have died,horders, extreme heights,mud,cold extreme heat nearly killed a couple of times by heavy falling objects and violent Tennant's but shit in the face takes some beating.

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By *929Man
over a year ago

newcastle

Worst was when I was young and work with my dad dried up for the winter applied for what was advertised as a factory labourer job thought it would be ideal for a few months till better weather and work picked up again got the job and went first day and it was actually the cleaners job which there is nothing wrong with that line of work just not for me it was 12 hour shifts and could do everything in 3 hours or so I did the 2 allocated shifts on my rota and never went back those days were 2 of the most miserable depressing days of my life I don’t know why I even did the two days I should have fucked off ten minutes after I arrived.

Another job I had was great at the start was making artificial stone lintels and cills was happy there for a few years then the owner put his 16 year old son in charge and he was an absolute little tosser made rules like we had to be standing by our bench set up to work before the hooter went and we had a daily target you had to make which was 20 linear metres but he went around with his notebook and counted what was on your bench at dinner time so if you had made 12 metres by dinner time you had to make 12 in the afternoon despite the fact that afternoon was half an hour shorter one morning I was called in the office as hadn’t produced enough because I had to wait for the stone finisher before I could turn each stone out which held me up as he had 3 benches to look after I was made to sit down and accept a verbal warning by him and the foreman thrn I asked if they were done and they said yes then told them to go fuck themselves and walked out no sooner was I home the owner rang and apologised and asked me to come back I just said no have had enough

I know these are tame compared to what some put up with day in day out I’m spoiled having spent most life working for self

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By *tephanjMan
over a year ago

Kettering

My worst job was and is the one I have now. I use to enjoy it, now I'm just putting up with it untill I finally retire

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By *ermite12ukMan
over a year ago

Solihull and Brentwood

Extracting chickens from their cages and carrying 8 at a time down to a lorry to be loaded into cages ready to be transported to the abattoir.

Lasted a week: Cream krackered and totally stunk, finishing at midnight usually, was also not fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Working in a private nursing home decorating bedrooms , one lady was bed ridden and they asked us to carry her downstairs as they were short staffed ,half way down she passed away ,carried her back up so we had to tell the owners , poor woman .

Another time in a block of flats l saw flames coming out of a window , found the flat ,went in ,kitchen was on fire ,young woman and a baby ,got them out ,put out fire ,no other residents helped ,just moaned about the smoke .Fire Brigade wanted a full report, lost two hours ,gaffa found out and threatened to sack me for wasting firms time , No wonder decorators have a dry sense of humour.

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By *inky ChefMan
over a year ago

Norwich

Digging up old gas pipes in a mountain side.

Pick axe, spade, showel and 1 square meter concrete slabs to lift all day. It was a temporary job for 4 months in my early 20's.

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By *ndycoinsMan
over a year ago

Whaley Bridge,Nr Buxton,

Injuring pets so they could be treated for Rolf Harris's "Animal Hospital"

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

Working in a plastics recyvling plant, I was on the clean side as I was working on PVC extruders. The dirty side used to turn used pampers into plastic crumb, occassionally you got a pampers that was not cleaned properly.

The stench from spending 12 hours in that place was so bad, even the dog wouldn't come near me when I came home.

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By *oeofsussexMan
over a year ago

Eastbourne

I don’t know about a worst job but my dream job is being a male fluffer for women (if there’s a name for it please tell me!) So basically, my dream job is licking the pussies of all the hot porn starlets to get them warmed up just before they go out on camera to get fucked!

If there isn’t a name for that job I might just make one up: A Flicker (as in, of tongue on clit and in pussy!)

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By *ouple4PlayXCouple
over a year ago

Essex

Perhaps cleaning up a party attended by you lot!

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By *an de LyonMan
over a year ago

welling

In so many ways working at McDonalds was my worst job. But it was also the job where I had the most fun made the best friends and was my growing up job. But I wouldn’t do it again!!

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

"Injuring pets so they could be treated for Rolf Harris's "Animal Hospital""

wtf?!

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By *oungAtHeartCurvyCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

Mr tattie picking when I was 12 lol

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By *oldyoudown41Man
over a year ago

caledonian

Petrol Pump Technician

) that’s what I called it

Anyway, did it for a summer during school, treated like crap by all , some people I knew

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By *ames-77Man
over a year ago

milton keynes

I had a tough paper round

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not so much the job itself but seeing the management have a lack of care for service users when I worked in mental health

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

Tool factory.

It was grim, the only two people who could work the furnace threatened to quit unless the management let them drink and provide a slab of super-strength lager every day.

Working the 'dip room' was the worst. A heated room with no ventilation with troughs of paint and varnish. You'd start feeling delirious after about 20 minutes. There was a bucket to puke in by the door. Best not to eat breakfast on dip room days.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Managing a warehouse.

Staff who understandably didn't want to be there and an MD who had worked his way up through the ranks over 40 years but didn't understand the principle of proactive working rather than reactive.

Every day was a crisis

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By *esafinadOHolyNightMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Vehicle clamping

Given to me as an extra duty when working maintenance for a group of car dealerships. It felt crap doing it and it got people's backs up which got me daily arguments. Wouldn't wish that job on anyone and I left the company over it.

Years ago though

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

In an ice cream van in my teens, it was rubbish & stuck in the middle of a field with no toilet or anything.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anything that came with the words government contract.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I worked for a well known cosmetic firm, on the production line.

I literally put stickers on the bottom of mascara for 8 hours a day,i used to pray for that machine to breakdown lol.

Thankfully it was just a summer job during my Alevels. "

I would love to stick something on your bottom

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Had a job in west Queensland with my girlfriend , we lived on a farm and each day we had to drive about 100km to the edge of the desert and build this cattle water and vitamin station. Sun used to kill us , snakes, spiders, insects, landowner was a sexual predator and bully , money was rubbish but we were stuck there / skint for about 6 weeks. Eventually we had enough , escaped in the night and hitched to the east coast.

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

Didn’t want to get a student loan when at Uni so worked half nights in a warehouse for a now defunct parcel company to support myself.

Boiling in the summer freezing in the winter and couldn’t go out most Fridays as was working so missed some of the fundamental student lifestyle. Also gave myself a hernia doing it.

But came out of Uni debt free and a respect for hard work.

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By *JandCMCouple
over a year ago

cardiff

Back when I was 17 years old I wast a waiter, only did it for 1 night.

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

At 17 I was a cashier at a supermarket drugstore (think Boots but the size of a supermarket). We were paid minimum wage. Micromanaged. I got sexually harassed by my tall, greasy haired, unbathed floor manager… and one time locked in the basement with all the lights out just before closing. Someone remembered I existed and came back for me but I thought I was sleeping down there with the rats until they opened the door.

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By *ebanbetsyCouple
over a year ago

merseyside

I worked in an egg factory when I was 18

My friend loved it there And now the manger

It wasn’t all its cracked up to be x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my current job I work basically all the hours I'm awake, and some when I should be asleep, have a salary of £0/pa with no pension, no sick pay, no holiday AND I regularly get screamed at and physically abused by my bosses.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 28/10/23 09:32:44]

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

Customer service. Because I needed the entrance money while I study. 0/10 would not recommend.

LvM

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By *oxyvixen99Woman
over a year ago

Newtownabbey

When I was made redundant a few years ago, in between jobs, I did house cleaning, absolutely awful, people are dirty

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

"What’s the worst job you’ve ever done and why

Hopefully it’s not the one you’re in now "

Pulling lobsters out of jayne Mansfields... Etc...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In my current job I work basically all the hours I'm awake, and some when I should be asleep, have a salary of £0/pa with no pension, no sick pay, no holiday AND I regularly get screamed at and physically abused by my bosses."

We got the same job.

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By *allkinkynerdMan
over a year ago

Consett

"Direct Marketing" aka carrying a bag of tat around trying to sell it to shop workers and old men in pubs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We got the same job."

Hehe, it's actually probably the best job I ever had though

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By *hief_Of_AlwaysMan
over a year ago

London or Bedford

Emergency Call Handler

....Ever heard a Death Rattle?

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By *ixed MisterMan
over a year ago

London

Can't say I've had any jobs that I hate tbh. Worst was probably pizza hut delivery in the winter or rain, but I liked the job, and the people i worked with.

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"At 17 I was a cashier at a supermarket drugstore (think Boots but the size of a supermarket). We were paid minimum wage. Micromanaged. I got sexually harassed by my tall, greasy haired, unbathed floor manager… and one time locked in the basement with all the lights out just before closing. Someone remembered I existed and came back for me but I thought I was sleeping down there with the rats until they opened the door."

PS - after that I saw the virtues of going to uni a lot more clearly

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I worked at an upmarket bar for just under a year whilst studying. It was great during oil week or Christmas party season; I could easily make a couple hundred pounds a night in tips.

The bad though? It was really bad. A lecherous manager. A ridiculous uniform. The wandering hands of the customers. The long shifts - finishing a seminar at 3pm, working from 4pm until 3am. Back in a lecture for 9am. The high turnover of staff. The insistence of us wearing makeup and heels. It was... problematic to put it mildly.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

Meli's personal naked butler.

So demanding, never a moments peace, and that mouth... Never have I heard such obscenities from anyone else. Relentless!

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By *host63Man
over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham

"What’s the worst job you’ve ever done and why

Hopefully it’s not the one you’re in now "

St cleaning. It was OK while it was under council control as they were ealing to listen to staff. But then they TUPED us over to a private firm and totally ruined the system and refused to listen to staff. They set stupid impossible targets blamed staff and resorted to stupid threats. Left after three years.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Meli's personal naked butler.

So demanding, never a moments peace, and that mouth... Never have I heard such obscenities from anyone else. Relentless! "

A-fucking-herm. Obscenities from my mouth are really hot; let's be honest. Don't think I didn't notice you constantly having to adjust yourself whilst working.

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

Debt collector.

I lasted three days. We had to use our own car and I found out the mileage allowance was 15p a mile, not the 50p I'd heard.

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By *ebanbetsyCouple
over a year ago

merseyside

I worked as an airline pilot

It had its ups and downs ..

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By *illy IdolMan
over a year ago

Midlands

We got the same job.

Hehe, it's actually probably the best job I ever had though

You're only saying that incase someone from work recognises you

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

Parking warden gotta be

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

"Meli's personal naked butler.

So demanding, never a moments peace, and that mouth... Never have I heard such obscenities from anyone else. Relentless!

A-fucking-herm. Obscenities from my mouth are really hot; let's be honest. Don't think I didn't notice you constantly having to adjust yourself whilst working. "

I didn't say it was all bad without benefits!

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By *archelCouple
over a year ago

A field somewhere

I once helped dig up a whole graveyard and remove the bodies in preparation for the change of use of the Chapel (a huge building) in to apartments, I was about 15 or 16 at the time.

I once worked in a flat where a drug addiction had fallen in to the bath, which he used as a toilet, and died. The clean up team had been in prior to me, but because he had been decomposing for 6 weeks, there was no way of getting rid of the smell, the most horrible unforgettable pungent smell which I never want to experience again.

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By *i1971Man
over a year ago

Cornwall

As a youngster looking for some extra cash I did a season of daffodil picking. How I ached!

Most of the workers were foreign and were bussed between sites from what I could gather. Some of the most hard working people I've met though. The speed you had to pick them and they had to be the right length & still in bud etc. and the payment wasn't great (may have changed in the 30+ years, but when you buy daffodils at about £1 a bunch, there's not a lot of profit there)

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

"Meli's personal naked butler.

So demanding, never a moments peace, and that mouth... Never have I heard such obscenities from anyone else. Relentless! "

You can be my naked butler anytime

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By *ustamanMan
over a year ago

weymouth

Shot blasting calor gas trailers on an old chicken processing farm - the stench really got deep inside you, made me feel quite ill

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We got the same job.

Hehe, it's actually probably the best job I ever had though

You're only saying that incase someone from work recognises you"

HAHAHA!! I'm guessing you're not understanding what my job is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Working in an abattoir cleaning.

Blood, guts, smell of death!

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By *ose manMan
over a year ago

kells

Labourers Brickie ,. Hod of ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Worked in a place that made pies, almost turned me off for life.

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

Any that were 12hrs shifts.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"What’s the worst job you’ve ever done and why

Hopefully it’s not the one you’re in now "

The one in Matalan. The managers and the customers were utter arseholes and I got paid £2.80 an hour

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By *apidaryMan
over a year ago

Chipping Norton

From memory there was another version of "the worst job I ever had", which consisted of Clive being tasked with removing the snot from Hitler's nose.

Clive: Er, I’ll tell you the worst job I ever had.

Derek: What was that?

Clive: The worst job I ever had was with Jayne Mansfield. You know, she was a fantastic bird, you know…

Derek: Yeah, yeah.

Clive: … big tits, huge bum, and everything like that, but I had the terrible job of retrieving lobsters from her bum.

Derek: Really? Bloody hell, that must have been a task.

Clive: Well, it was quite a task ’cause she had a big bum…

Derek: Well, I remember.

Clive: … and they were big lobsters.

Derek: I remember she had a huge bum.

Clive: Well, she had one and, er, you know, presumably in the afterlife…

Derek: (belches) Oh dear.

Clive: Shut up… she still has one. But I had to, used to go round, you know, of an evening…And, er, I had to retrieve these lobsters from her arsehole.

Derek: Yeah, well, I remember she had a lot of trouble with-, with lobsters up her arsehole.

Clive: Well, you see, the lobsters…

Derek: Basically, she suffered from, er, what was known in-, in the medical trade as ‘lobsters-up-the-arsehole’… this was the scientific, er, term for it but, you know, in general terms it was known as ‘Lobsterisimus -um- Bummakisimus‘.

Derek: Yeah, yeah.

Clive: And it was my job every evening to go round to Jayne…

Derek: Mmm.

Clive: … who was a sweet girl.

Derek: Yeah.

Clive: Sweet, charming, shy, mysterious girl…

Derek: Yeah.

Clive: … and get these fucking lobsters out of her arsehole.

Derek: Yeah.

Clive: Which is so tricky because she was a very sensitive woman, you know.

Derek: Yeah, yeah.

Clive: I used to go round there every evening and these lobsters, you know, she used to go out bathing in Malibu…

Derek: Yeah.

Clive: … which is where she used to go out bathing.

Derek: Yeah, oh, Malibu, yeah.

Clive: Malibu, yes. Malibu-de-bum-bum. And, erm, up went the lobsters – boing! – straight up her arsehole.

Derek: Well, I think, you know, I think she brought it on herself, really, didn’t she?

Clive: Not so much brought them on herself as so much encouraged them, you know…

Derek: Yeah, yeah.

Clive: … by the flagrant display which she got up to.

Derek: Well, I think she was a dirty cow.

Clive: Well…

Derek: And being…

Clive: No, n-, no, no, be fair, be fair. You can call her a dirty cow but, let’s face it, a lot of lobsters fancied her bum.

Derek: Yeah, well, I think, I-, let’s face it, I think it was a fifty-fifty arrangement. I think that-, I-, I don’t…

Clive: Yeah. The lob-, the lobsters didn’t say, “we have the upper hand”…

Derek: No.

Clive: … Jayne didn’t say, “we have the upper hand”…

Derek: There was no-, there was no feeling of, er, domination.

Clive: No. It was a…

Derek: A-, fif-

Clive: … fifty-fifty thing.

Derek: I think the lobsters got quite a nip out of it…

Clive: Yeah.

Derek: Uh-huh-huh. And, er, I think Jayne got a lot out of it.

Clive: Yeah, but it was my job, my job to retrieve the lobsters from her bum after the event.

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