FabSwingers.com forum: Your views please

By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

Read a couple of things on social media ( so big pinch of salt )recently regarding expectations on dates. The first was a woman refusing to get out of the car because she didn’t think the restaurant her date had selected was good enough for a first date. The second was a woman saying that a man must spend $200 dollars on a date for her to even turn up. Both were in the US. I’m sure this type of thing is not limited to women nor the US.

So , I’m curious as a well rounded and diverse cross section of society, what are your thoughts? Ever experienced anything similar. Do you have minimum criteria for a date?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove

In the past I have always chosen the place we would meet. I would expect him to be on time, clean and well presented, general good manners, no inappropriate touching or innuendos on a first date.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

Mutual attraction. Mutual respect.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Chemistry.

Respect.

No isms.

No phone usage.

No expectations about what happens after.

That's it really. I'm not too high maintenance.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

I think if someone is arrogant enough not to get out the car or set minimum spend limits then they can stay in the car or take themselves out for a meal.

They sound like a bullet dodged to me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

I would expect to be paying half on a first date. Unless they had picked somewhere way beyond my budget.

If those stories are true then the ladies involved will attract the people they deserve

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ablo minibar123Woman
over a year ago

To be honest on a first date , I would be much more comfortable if we went somewhere inexpensive , if we didn't get on , I would feel much better if it was less than £30 spent on the date than £100. Plus if it was somewhere hyper expensive I couldn't help feeling that the person was trying to show off their wealth, and I do not find that attractive in the slightest

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seems cake isn’t the be all and end all

cheesecake factory

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I reckon there’s a social media trend where women are told that men should be splashing money on them or else they simply shouldn’t waste their time. It seems very transactional to me, and makes me happy to not be in the dating scene.

Personally, I feel if one needs another person to take them to otherwise out of their reach type of experiences or dates, one should evaluate why they can’t afford those things — if that’s a priority in one’s life and focus on the root cause preventing them from enjoying those ripe of experiences rather than using others to afford those type of experiences.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow USA at large.

Expect me to like what I see as disappointed I will be when your younger photos on profile do not match..

A public place.. Can be anywhere. Living by the sea we can just sit on the dock of the bay.

If you cannot be bothered to turn up respectful I will walk. Had a few socials of scruffs and at least be clean.

I would expect nothing else. The above are standards.

I would not jump cause you think a social means legs open. Again I will walk.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Minimum criteria for a date for me is mutual interest.

Anything else is variable depending on the other person.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

Oh god no, I hate all that bollocks one hand we've women fighting for equality and on another women demanding men do as they wish.

Split costs, go wherever, as long as you get along & have a good time what's it matter.

I'll happily go for a Costa & Subway if I liked the person.

Mrs

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

A simple coffee is always the best I find, no pressure to impress anyone, relaxed, no expectations! I think there's also far more interesting/fun things to do than go for dinner.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *imply DeeWoman
over a year ago

Wherever

I don’t do dates but I imagine dinner for a first date to be a stuff out of my worst nightmare.

Just a coffee is fine, a walk, or maybe a drink, and honestly afterwards because it’s ok if there’s no mutual attraction.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *imply DeeWoman
over a year ago

Wherever

Honesty not honestly

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Is this like the 'if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best' attitude.?

My expectations of a date are that the person turns up on time, is clean, respectful and happy to pay half at a venue that we could both afford.

I won't be going on any dates though

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Oh and also you don't want to be thinking social media is representative of the wider population. We're not all refusing to get out of bed for less than £10,000

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

"My expectations of a date are that the person turns up on time, is clean, respectful and happy to pay half at a venue that we could both afford. "

This for me too. And no bleating on about past women.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inkedKuntsCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

Tbh I haven't taken anyone to a restaurant on a first date in years and years. I always tried to find something to do, might not even cost a thing and if they don't like that well they aren't for me anyways and will be told that. When I met my better half our first date was to a trampoline centre!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"My expectations of a date are that the person turns up on time, is clean, respectful and happy to pay half at a venue that we could both afford.

This for me too. And no bleating on about past women."

Ooo no especially if they're bitter about them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have never been on an actual date.

No lies.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I think it depends on what you both want , the kind of buildup you’ve had and any chemistry you’re already feeling. I think the first date choice says a lot about any existing chemistry.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aissez-faireMan
over a year ago

Right behind you…. Boo

I rarely go to a restaurant on a first date.

Generally these days the date will come from swiping right so the first date is for drinks. If the chemistry is there and we both have the time we might then extend it to food. There is nothing more cringey than being stuck in a restaurant with someone and either of you aren’t feeling it and want to escape.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *.T.Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

Jesus no. The exact opposite. Back in the days when I was dating I’d arrange an hour over a coffee to get a feel for the person in person. So neither had wasted time and money if there was no actual chemistry.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Read a couple of things on social media ( so big pinch of salt )recently regarding expectations on dates. The first was a woman refusing to get out of the car because she didn’t think the restaurant her date had selected was good enough for a first date. The second was a woman saying that a man must spend $200 dollars on a date for her to even turn up. Both were in the US. I’m sure this type of thing is not limited to women nor the US.

So , I’m curious as a well rounded and diverse cross section of society, what are your thoughts? Ever experienced anything similar. Do you have minimum criteria for a date?"

If it works for them.. crack on

Sounds like gold diggers to me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I wouldn't expect to be taken somewhere I didn't like though. A person would have made a huge misjudgement if they took me to a football match or any sporting event, wanted me to sit in a bar with a load of his friends or thought an evening of X box would woo me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t do dates but I imagine dinner for a first date to be a stuff out of my worst nightmare.

Just a coffee is fine, a walk, or maybe a drink, and honestly afterwards because it’s ok if there’s no mutual attraction. "

Agreed! All I expect is someone who looks like his pic, is clean and happy to make an effort at being good company by chatting!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

So , I’m curious as a well rounded and diverse cross section of society, what are your thoughts? Ever experienced anything similar. Do you have minimum criteria for a date?"
some couples expect a certain standard of hotel for meets and won't accept anything less

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh and also you don't want to be thinking social media is representative of the wider population. We're not all refusing to get out of bed for less than £10,000"

I think you will find that my fees are higher

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *illy IdolMan
over a year ago

Midlands

If a girl wants me to take them to a fancy restaurant and be treated like a queen then that's totally fine by me. Money is no object when you know you're faster than them

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *het 345Man
over a year ago

Preston

Sounds like extreme expectations, and not something I have experienced. You make an effort on a date but attitude, presentation and humour are surely key (as opposed to where you go). It's nice to go to nice places but surely that's not the 1st thing you judge someone on?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *CBoyTV/TS
over a year ago

Tonypandy

[Removed by poster at 26/10/23 16:29:51]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's absolutely insane to me. I would be happy for a coffee and a walk haha it's a first date for god sake.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *CBoyTV/TS
over a year ago

Tonypandy

I find asking "Do you spit or swollow" confirms compatibility as far as Im concerned .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

Do people really read stuff like this and think it's representative of how the majority of ordinary people go about things?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I wouldn't be averse to going for a meal on a first date if it was pre agreed. It does make it a bit awkward if you're not getting along during the starter. That's when you skip dessert and coffee and head home to deal with the 'emergency'

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"Do people really read stuff like this and think it's representative of how the majority of ordinary people go about things?"

No that’s why I sought the views of the forumites

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

Thank you everyone for your honest views.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

So…..McDonald’s isn’t a good first date I’m presuming then?

Ahhhh…..shit…..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"So…..McDonald’s isn’t a good first date I’m presuming then?

Ahhhh…..shit….."

Tbh a milkshake and a McFlurry would be totally fine for me ( not that you’d wanna date me lol)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m quite happy for my date to stay on the car in that situation. I’ll eat double and I know the cars safe from traffic wardens.

Seriously though my last girlfriend like this but way more scuttle. It’s not a good way to be and we didn’t last.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

"So…..McDonald’s isn’t a good first date I’m presuming then?

Ahhhh…..shit…..

Tbh a milkshake and a McFlurry would be totally fine for me ( not that you’d wanna date me lol)"

TBF I’d be all for this.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I usually go halves on any drinks or meals, or I offer and am refused. Either is fine. I want someone to spend time with, I couldn't care less how much money they've got as long as they're not bothered that I don't have much.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"So…..McDonald’s isn’t a good first date I’m presuming then?

Ahhhh…..shit….."

not for me. I don't like it or KFC.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *loss aka Miss JonesWoman
over a year ago

south coast IOW

The last really successful first date I had was a walk /sit near the sea and a bottle of water. The thing that made it special was chemistry and each others attention getting to know each other.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I don’t do dates but I imagine dinner for a first date to be a stuff out of my worst nightmare.

Just a coffee is fine, a walk, or maybe a drink, and honestly afterwards because it’s ok if there’s no mutual attraction. "

It is a nightmare. I did it once from here. Met for dinner. Knew as soon as I saw him he wasn’t for me and had to sit and have dinner. He was a nice person so I didn’t have the heart to just leave, and he’d travelled quite a way.

Never again.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uicy 2020Woman
over a year ago

London

This sounds riduculously high maintainance to me.

Like others have said, what im bothered about on a date is them being on time (or at least keep me posted if going to be late), wanting to spend time with me and get to know each other better. I would feel really uncomfortable if we went somewhere that was out of my price range to pay for my share. X

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

So , I’m curious as a well rounded and diverse cross section of society, what are your thoughts? Ever experienced anything similar. Do you have minimum criteria for a date?"

My thoughts are that these kind of acts are absolutely brilliant and priceless.

What’s better than to find out on an early date what you’re date is really like.

Same as a car test drive and it breaking down, if you still buy it and take it home you can’t say you weren’t warned

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Chemistry.

Respect.

No isms.

No phone usage.

No expectations about what happens after.

That's it really. I'm not too high maintenance.

Unrelated - but that latest photo - you're the spitting image of a friend of mine. It's uncanny.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

De acuerdo!

I'm so glad I don't need to go out dating! Our first "date" was in Starbucks. We had coffee (me), hot chocolate (him) and shared a piece of cake. I have no idea if we went halves or what but we've shared the cost of everything pretty much forevermore since then.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orphia2003Woman
over a year ago

Tonypandy.

Many years ago, agreed to meet a guy for drinks. Already knew each other in passing, through mutual friends. I suggested local pub and was told it was 'cheap'. He wanted to try new speakeasy bar in town. He was very nice at first, until group of workmates arrived, when he became a total snob. I left and paid my 1/2 of the bill just before he tried to put a £100 worth of bubbly on it.

Since then, it's coffee or local pub.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread