FabSwingers.com forum: Rebuilding trust

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Once the initial trust in a relationship is broken, can you ever rebuild it? Or do you believe once it’s gone, it’s gone?

Speaking to one of my friends last night who is going through an awful time and it made me think about how I’d deal with being in that situation.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I mean, it's almost burning a Bridge when trust is broken. But you'd be a pretty unreasonable person not to accept change is possible.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To quote GaGa/Beyoncé

Trust is like a mirror. You can repair it if it’s broken, but you can still see the cracks.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

Yes it can be rebuilt but it's not guaranteed.

Both need to own their part in the rupture and move away from blame.

Not a simple thing. And forgiving doesn't always mean the relationship will reform.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lueDressWoman
over a year ago

Bath

I think the problem with trying to forgive and forget is one really truly never forgets. If it hurts that much it will be imprinted like branding on the skin.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Away for Christmas

Trust is a big one. Somethings shatter trust, there is no rebuilding it, none of that humpty dumpty shit.

Other things can be navigated and trust restored. A lot of it is down to the context. It's never black and white. The people involved, what was before, what caused the trust to break.

I've had trust broken and never regained it for some people.

Others I have regained it and been very glad I did. Only one person I've trusted again has broken that again.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

"I think the problem with trying to forgive and forget is one really truly never forgets. If it hurts that much it will be imprinted like branding on the skin."

Depends how deep the wound goes?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

I do believe people are capable of change if it's something they really believe in.

But my feelings would forever be tinged with that doubt and spiral. So, for me, when the trust is gone, it's over.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lueDressWoman
over a year ago

Bath

I know quite a few people who do not forget. They are still in pain. They are living a lie. I think it all depends on our own strength to forgive and forget. How much do they mean to you. Can you live without them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My view on trust is if you break or abuse my trust I forgive you. Because I won’t spare the energy resenting you. Now fuck off.

Life is too short to whitewash the poor behaviour of people you mistakenly trusted.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think trust can be earned but it takes time and effort. If the person makes a conscious willing effort to try and build bridges then I believe in second chances depending on the severity of the betrayal, cheating I would never take someone back, but if it was something you personally would consider minor like a big lie or something along those lines then I would make the person earn my trust back. It would be harder than earning it in the beginning mind you.

However, I can be very callous with cut people off.. I may feel a little remorse at the time but if it’s the right decision then I stick to my guns once I justify it to myself.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I guess it depends on who has broken my trust and to what extent.

A few years ago a friend broke my trust, I was already having doubts about her before that,due to other behaviour.

So I didn't feel bad cutting her off for good, as times gone on she's done similar things to others, I made the right call.

If someone is genuinely sorry & I think I can get past it, I'll give another chance.Providing they haven't done something that I'd find unforgivable.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Nowhere

Depends how committed both parties are to moving forward together. The root causes need to be discussed understood and accepted … but probably always more cautious.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

I was thinking on this a bit more.

If the other person can't own their part in the breakdown. And you stay with them. You are setting a precedent that you are willing to accept it.

You can't really be surprised if they do it again then. I think some people fall into that trap and get hurt repeatedly.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I do think trust can be rebuilt but only if both parties are willing.

What I will say is it'll never be the same you can learn to trust in time but the knowing they can cause so much hurt and the lies you can't ever forget that and that shit changes you, the self doubt, the why wasn't I good enough and knowing what was a lie and what wasn't all that stays.

Personally it totally depends how much both want it, how much the one who's broken the trust wants to fix things and how much they can communicate and work together.

I've been cheated on so many times I can't count I've left some, tried to work it out with others, sometimes it'll work sometimes not if wheather they want to take that risk or not, it's far from easy.

Mrs

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you can rebuild it, but you'll have wobbles along the way.

A few years ago my partner did some really shitty stuff behind my back. I was heartbroken, he completely crossed boundaries and I had no idea. But I found out because he told me. And the reason he told me is because he felt awful.

If he had of kept it a secret, and I found out myself what he had done I don't think I would have been able to forgive. But knowing he was honest about it with no other intentions other other him being sorry made a big difference.

So yes, I think you can. But it takes time and you'll always have niggles and they have to respect that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Away for Christmas

"I think you can rebuild it, but you'll have wobbles along the way.

So yes, I think you can. But it takes time and you'll always have niggles and they have to respect that."

I support this lemony buttery message!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on the offense really. If its something completely abhorent like cheating, murder or other sex crimes then nah, I will never have them in my life again.

If its something that isn't that big of a deal then sure I will give them a few chances honestly as people can change.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think you can rebuild it, but you'll have wobbles along the way.

So yes, I think you can. But it takes time and you'll always have niggles and they have to respect that."

Admitting to a honest mistake clearly changes the dynamics of it compared to only being sorry once they got caught. I can only imagine the pain of having to work through something like that and the anxiety. For me I don’t know if I could but I guess that shows the strength of character you have and fair play to you for having the strength to forgive

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I do shit I'd expect to be forgiven and trusted again.

If someone does shit to me, it's over.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally if you break it I'm done. As cold as that may seem. I just can't bear the pain that comes with.

If two people really want to work at it then fine, if the sorry needed is genuine and not because they've been found out. But I'd rather not set myself up to tolerate a further mistake down the line. It's a boundary that shouldn't be crossed. If someone knowingly crossed that boundary it shows me that their selfishness far outweighs their care or consideration for me. I'd always question how much I actually meant to them and that would be the part that would have me walk away. If they've broken my trust then I wasn't that important or of any real note to them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread