FabSwingers.com forum: Autistic or introvert?

By *uropean Latino OP Man
over a year ago

Norwich

How do you know when you are more than just introvert? I'm 43 by the way.

***

Obviously I'm talking about a mild form of autism. Really close family member has moderate (ASD).

Should you go and get private (800£)

opinion or ask GP referral and wait a long time?

***

I just walk it off and deal with it myself, if it's about depression, but I'm suspicious about this.

***

I might be just dramatic, because hardly left the flat in the last 2 weeks due to back injury.

Well, at least this thread is not my usual crap.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I mean, you’ve waited 43 years, define “a long time?”

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

o o OO o o

My youngest son has autism and on the Jeremy Vine show this week they said there could be a link if a parent has autism.

I don’t think I am (I AM introverted though) but there is a history of ADHD on his dad’s side (a cousin has it) so who knows, could be something in it.

Have you done those online questionnaires? That could be a start. I don’t think private tests are that much are they? If so, that’s shocking!! but maybe shop around to a different area.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aissez-faireMan
over a year ago

Right behind you…. Boo

I think you kind of know. With Autism there are tell tale signs. Ask people who know you well what they think.

I think it’s worth getting tested because then you know. At least 1 in 5 people are neurodivergent so you’re not alone.

As with all things brain related, exercise I’m really helps so getting out, even for a walk will help.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uropean Latino OP Man
over a year ago

Norwich

"I mean, you’ve waited 43 years, define “a long time?”"

I've never been this much alone.

When you are alone a lot, then you are thinking too much.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I would look into the criteria and consider particularly your childhood experiences - developmental delay, problems at school, things like that. Autism shows itself in different ways in different people, it's not a sliding scale of good to bad (and that's a whole other clusterfuck of problems, that sort of characterisation), it's more like clusters of traits.

I was diagnosed (NHS - apparently private diagnoses aren't always formally recognised, which is bullshit, I was lucky to get in when I did) when I was 34, but "there's something wrong with me/her" has dogged me since I was an infant.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uropean Latino OP Man
over a year ago

Norwich

"My youngest son has autism and on the Jeremy Vine show this week they said there could be a link if a parent has autism.

I don’t think I am (I AM introverted though) but there is a history of ADHD on his dad’s side (a cousin has it) so who knows, could be something in it.

Have you done those online questionnaires? That could be a start. I don’t think private tests are that much are they? If so, that’s shocking!! but maybe shop around to a different area."

My son has ASD and most likely ADHD as well. Yes, we paid 800£ for a private evaluation. Not sure about my family history, but nothing major. I was growing up in a communist country,10-15 years behind with everything, so...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Also, autism and introversion are completely unrelated

There's a seeming overlap because social environments can be highly autistic unfriendly, but autistic extroverts in their comfort zone are awesome

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uropean Latino OP Man
over a year ago

Norwich

"Also, autism and introversion are completely unrelated

There's a seeming overlap because social environments can be highly autistic unfriendly, but autistic extroverts in their comfort zone are awesome

I know that obviously. So am I in my comfort zone.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Also, autism and introversion are completely unrelated

There's a seeming overlap because social environments can be highly autistic unfriendly, but autistic extroverts in their comfort zone are awesome

I know that obviously. So am I in my comfort zone."

Crosspost with your post about your son. Implied tone: "this is a common misperception, it happens" rather than "I think you're saying something wildly stupid"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *heBlowinsCouple
over a year ago

West Cork

ASD and AuDHD folk here! Kudos to you for being introspective and wanting to get to know yourself better!

As previously mentioned, introversion is different though there's plenty of overlap with a lot of ASD folk.

You don't need to get a formal assessment unless you feel the need for a diagnosis and/or you're looking for allowances, e.g. employer medical benefits

You can try researching more on your own first- these books can help:

Quiet by Susan Cain

Untypical by Pete Wharmby

Unmasking Autism by Dr. Devon Price

There are of course loads others but those helped us immensely.. try asking for more books on Reddit: r/suggestmeabook

Good luck OP!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eliciousDiva69Woman
over a year ago

Schitts Creek

It’s an interesting thread, my daughter was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD a few years ago and my mum always used to tell me that I was and am exactly like her. While I totally agree with that, I’ve not gone through any formal assessment for myself because I’m not sure what difference it would actually make to me.

However, if you feel that it would help give you answers and support that you require OP I’d say start first with your GP before spending £100s. Hope you find the answers you seek. D x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"ASD and AuDHD folk here! Kudos to you for being introspective and wanting to get to know yourself better!

As previously mentioned, introversion is different though there's plenty of overlap with a lot of ASD folk.

You don't need to get a formal assessment unless you feel the need for a diagnosis and/or you're looking for allowances, e.g. employer medical benefits

You can try researching more on your own first- these books can help:

Quiet by Susan Cain

Untypical by Pete Wharmby

Unmasking Autism by Dr. Devon Price

There are of course loads others but those helped us immensely.. try asking for more books on Reddit: r/suggestmeabook

Good luck OP!

This is a good point.

What would a diagnosis be for?

My diagnosis felt like a weight off my shoulders. A name to attach to decades of struggle, rejection, blah blah sob story. I'm self-employed so I don't use any accommodations (I handle my shit in ways that regular employers wouldn't like, but it hurts no one and no one sees it), but the law is there for me just in case.

I'm not going to dissuade seeking diagnosis, but some will and they absolutely have valid reasons.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ublinGirl92Woman
over a year ago

Hell

I have autism and I've found that as a general rule, not autistic adults don't sit around wondering if they have autism lol

Assessments cost a lot of money so ask yourself do you actually need/require an official diagnosis, when accepting that you may be neurodivergent and making appropriate accommodations for yourself may be enough.

There are lots of online assessments that you can do to get a further understanding of yourself and self diagnosis is completely valid here.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uropean Latino OP Man
over a year ago

Norwich

I don't want any benefits.

I am employed since I'm here and never claimed any.

Having issues to blend in with groups.

Mostly coming through worse than I am with the majority.

Not just online and I'm continuously working on it. Sometimes I realise what I've done wrong, but sometimes absolutely no idea.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I don't want any benefits.

I am employed since I'm here and never claimed any.

Having issues to blend in with groups.

Mostly coming through worse than I am with the majority.

Not just online and I'm continuously working on it. Sometimes I realise what I've done wrong, but sometimes absolutely no idea. "

I've never claimed benefits either, but disability accommodations as a safeguard are still potentially useful to have. Autism has a fair amount of legal protection.

It's one of the pros of a formal diagnosis - that a letter will sit with your GP that give you more leeway should your autism manifest in ways that interfere with your employment.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

My daughter is pursuing a diagnosis privately. So much harder to spot in girls as they mask so well.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"My daughter is pursuing a diagnosis privately. So much harder to spot in girls as they mask so well."

Sarah Hendrickx, Women and Girls with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Understanding Life Experiences from Early Childhood to Old Age

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oecutterMan
over a year ago

Clonakilty

Aspie here. I was diagnosed at 54.

Is it worth getting a formal diagnosis?

Only you can decide. For me, yes, it was.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eliciousDiva69Woman
over a year ago

Schitts Creek

"My daughter is pursuing a diagnosis privately. So much harder to spot in girls as they mask so well."

Sadly this is exactly why many girls/women don’t get a diagnosis. Hope you manage to get the help and support for your daughter

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uropean Latino OP Man
over a year ago

Norwich

"I don't want any benefits.

I am employed since I'm here and never claimed any.

Having issues to blend in with groups.

Mostly coming through worse than I am with the majority.

Not just online and I'm continuously working on it. Sometimes I realise what I've done wrong, but sometimes absolutely no idea.

I've never claimed benefits either, but disability accommodations as a safeguard are still potentially useful to have. Autism has a fair amount of legal protection.

It's one of the pros of a formal diagnosis - that a letter will sit with your GP that give you more leeway should your autism manifest in ways that interfere with your employment."

I'm fully functioning with everything in life, except making friends. So I wouldn't claim anything either way.

To be fair I had really long relationships and it was always enough for me with no needs for others.

Rusty people skills?

I'm okay alone, but feels unnatural, strange recently.

No, it's not just loneliness.

Starting to question myself about things I was always sure.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uropean Latino OP Man
over a year ago

Norwich

"Aspie here. I was diagnosed at 54.

Is it worth getting a formal diagnosis?

Only you can decide. For me, yes, it was. "

Why did you and how did it help?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry

Ask what do you hope to achieve from professional diagnosis? How will effect/change things for you in your everyday life with professional diagnosis at this stage in life? Will a diagnosis give you access to help that you can't access without it?

Many people find a professional diagnosis handy. However many others don't find they need it. Lots of the help out there is self help and open access knowledge. And theirs no silver bullet. You are just wired the way you're wired. Personally I find it's helpful to understand why you are how you are. Why beyond the mask the human world is dam right confusing. However sometimes I think people can do more harm than good with their aproach when they discover this knowledge about themselves and work overtime to "fix it" rather than to live at peace with it and mange it.

So I would say really have a think as to if you actually need a diagnosis and what the implications and gains a diagnosis would bring you?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uropean Latino OP Man
over a year ago

Norwich

"Ask what do you hope to achieve from professional diagnosis? How will effect/change things for you in your everyday life with professional diagnosis at this stage in life? Will a diagnosis give you access to help that you can't access without it?

So I would say really have a think as to if you actually need a diagnosis and what the implications and gains a diagnosis would bring you?

Mr"

I would just know that either just my people/social skills need work, or I need professional help. Nothing more, nothing less in it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

I got an ADHD diagnosis this year and I've started meds last couple of weeks.

I've been described as introvert, extrovert and a bunch of other stuff.

At school I was considered

in half my classes and

in the other half.

I've looked back over a lot of it. And I can recall a lot of bollockings and abuse frankly - because 'I obviously knew how to behave if I can do it in that class.'. Hit by teachers, threatened, pinned against the wall by my throat, kept in isolation on my own. I tried really hard to behave, to be honest I was terrified of the beatings from my dad they were worse.

I remember the Psychiatrist's face when I said that to her. She looked really sad like she hears it every day. I'm maxed on the inattentive scale.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I'd fill in some of the online referral questionnaires and see also ask some people close to you, I've recently been referred I am quite introvert and I was surprised when asking some close friends if they thought I had some mild form of autism, they all said yes, more enthusiastically than I'd have liked, but I was surprised when hearing why that I hadn't quite picked up what they had spotted as traits I guess, for example me speaking and taking everything very literally, the need for routine, having no filter, my need for a focus/obsession something that distracts me, my absolute detest for noise, there was lots of other things too but they are the ones that stuck out.

I actually didn't want the referral to be honest, when the GP suggested it I kept the forms for months and didn't do them, another visit prompted another lot of forms and some additional ADHD ones, my only issue for me personally is there isn't that much help for autistic adults in this area, what would having a diagnosis give me other than the diagnosis itself, the waiting list is years and as there's no "treatment" I don't really see the point (that's just me though) I have done the forms only through frustration of being given them every appointment I have. If I was younger I'd probably be more invested in trying to understand myself, I guess now I've just accepted the way I am, yes I think different but so what, I've managed to far.

Mrs

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I don't want any benefits.

I am employed since I'm here and never claimed any.

Having issues to blend in with groups.

Mostly coming through worse than I am with the majority.

Not just online and I'm continuously working on it. Sometimes I realise what I've done wrong, but sometimes absolutely no idea.

I've never claimed benefits either, but disability accommodations as a safeguard are still potentially useful to have. Autism has a fair amount of legal protection.

It's one of the pros of a formal diagnosis - that a letter will sit with your GP that give you more leeway should your autism manifest in ways that interfere with your employment.

I'm fully functioning with everything in life, except making friends. So I wouldn't claim anything either way.

To be fair I had really long relationships and it was always enough for me with no needs for others.

Rusty people skills?

I'm okay alone, but feels unnatural, strange recently.

No, it's not just loneliness.

Starting to question myself about things I was always sure.

Fair enough.

Upon my diagnosis I was *only* directed towards benefits types claims, for what it's worth. I've claimed nothing and my note on my file with my GP has gone unused.

I also don't know to what extent "social skills" can be learned given that it's a flat out neurological difference, it's just something to be worked around.

As someone involved in the politics of autism, I also find the "functioning" label to be highly problematic. I'm glad that you've managed to abide by the rules that the powerful set for you. I have too. But it doesn't mean that the majority are right, and it doesn't mean that the only correct way of being is twisting ourselves into pretzels because the majority refuse to consider the world in a different way, bend a little (and then have the audacity to call us inflexible

)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I got an ADHD diagnosis this year and I've started meds last couple of weeks.

I've been described as introvert, extrovert and a bunch of other stuff.

At school I was considered

in half my classes and

in the other half.

I remember the Psychiatrist's face when I said that to her. She looked really sad like she hears it every day. I'm maxed on the inattentive scale."

I ended up curled up in a tiny little ball recalling my childhood. I found the assessment incredibly challenging. So much to relive.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uropean Latino OP Man
over a year ago

Norwich

"I got an ADHD diagnosis this year and I've started meds last couple of weeks.

I've been described as introvert, extrovert and a bunch of other stuff.

At school I was considered

in half my classes and

in the other half.

I remember the Psychiatrist's face when I said that to her. She looked really sad like she hears it every day. I'm maxed on the inattentive scale."

Unlikely I have ADHD, but unfortunately I had quite few similar experiences like you mentioned above.

My dad didn't need a reason to beat me up. Sometimes it was just a simple question after pub closed.

"Are you sleeping?"

Yes and no answers both got the same results.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oecutterMan
over a year ago

Clonakilty

"Aspie here. I was diagnosed at 54.

Is it worth getting a formal diagnosis?

Only you can decide. For me, yes, it was.

Why did you and how did it help?"

I wanted answers. And it explains my past and present as well as helping me plan for the future.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Aspie here. I was diagnosed at 54.

Is it worth getting a formal diagnosis?

Only you can decide. For me, yes, it was.

Why did you and how did it help?

I wanted answers. And it explains my past and present as well as helping me plan for the future. "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uropean Latino OP Man
over a year ago

Norwich

"Aspie here. I was diagnosed at 54.

Is it worth getting a formal diagnosis?

Only you can decide. For me, yes, it was.

Why did you and how did it help?

I wanted answers. And it explains my past and present as well as helping me plan for the future. "

Kind of the same reason here.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd fill in some of the online referral questionnaires and see also ask some people close to you, I've recently been referred I am quite introvert and I was surprised when asking some close friends if they thought I had some mild form of autism, they all said yes, more enthusiastically than I'd have liked, but I was surprised when hearing why that I hadn't quite picked up what they had spotted as traits I guess, for example me speaking and taking everything very literally, the need for routine, having no filter, my need for a focus/obsession something that distracts me, my absolute detest for noise, there was lots of other things too but they are the ones that stuck out.

Mrs

I'm wondering the same. Why bother getting a diagnosis. Friend's adult relation is currently questioning himself but why bother with the angst. What would it achieve apart from a label.

If it's a get out of jail free card then maybe, but otherwise many of the 'symptoms' seem to describe many people I know. They can't all be autistic.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

Unlikely I have ADHD, but unfortunately I had quite few similar experiences like you mentioned above.

My dad didn't need a reason to beat me up. Sometimes it was just a simple question after pub closed.

"Are you sleeping?"

Yes and no answers both got the same results.

It's familiar story to me. Several of my friends: the ones that stayed on the park late, hoping they were asleep before they got home. My gf was always the last one, I used to walk her home - well to bridge over the canal. In case anyone spotted us and told him. Then she gave me my coat back.

I always thought I was the lucky one. How we find ways to cope. She had such a kind heart and the other girls were evil to her for being 'povey'. She had more class than any of them.

I spoke to a head of SEMH school recently. Really experienced. She said 'Every behaviour is a form of communication'. I think that's something a lot of people need to get their heads around.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uropean Latino OP Man
over a year ago

Norwich

I asked the thread to be deleted.

Sorry!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I asked the thread to be deleted.

Sorry!"

Why?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I asked the thread to be deleted.

Sorry!"

I've found it really useful, thank you for posting it.

It's good to learn real things.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

I ended up curled up in a tiny little ball recalling my childhood. I found the assessment incredibly challenging. So much to relive."

I'd already done it a few times, in therapy and EMDR. I go into a dissociative state when I recall it and my emotions switch off - kind of.

A really amazing therapist helped me reprocess my CSA and it's tied into the stuff with my dad as she told me he would be angry and hit me if he found out. When I reprocessed it with her, she was crying. I asked her why. She said 'because you can't'. That moment changed my life.

Now I can recall things and most of the time when I am triggered I go into hypo-arousal. Much better than fight or flight. It's hard to talk about though, I can only do it with people I trust deeply. Stuff like that can be used against you.

You don't get it, unless you get it. Not everyone can.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I ended up curled up in a tiny little ball recalling my childhood. I found the assessment incredibly challenging. So much to relive.

I'd already done it a few times, in therapy and EMDR. I go into a dissociative state when I recall it and my emotions switch off - kind of.

You don't get it, unless you get it. Not everyone can. "

I hear you. I've done the therapy thing too. It was worse in the diagnostic setting - not an established relationship, etc.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ersiantugMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"I asked the thread to be deleted.

Sorry!"

People have posted quite a lot of their thoughts though. The problem here is that people will be worried about replying to these kind of threads if too many vanish this way. It's been a problem on the forum before - what to keep, what to delete.

I so know that some chefs can get quite focused on their job. I've know a quite a few local ones (just jobbing chefs really), and some of them to often go a bit wild sometimes, to counterbalance it I think. Certainly the idea of counterbalance might help though, especially if you are working long hours.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

Mrs

I'm wondering the same. Why bother getting a diagnosis. Friend's adult relation is currently questioning himself but why bother with the angst. What would it achieve apart from a label.

If it's a get out of jail free card then maybe, but otherwise many of the 'symptoms' seem to describe many people I know. They can't all be autistic. "

That's it, I don't really understand what sticking a label on myself changes so if rather not.

For me personally I don't see it making any difference to my quality of life in the slightest.

Mrs

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"I asked the thread to be deleted.

Sorry!"

Oh no I found it quite intriguing, different people's experiences and views are always great.

Mrs

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

You don't get it, unless you get it. Not everyone can.

I hear you. I've done the therapy thing too. It was worse in the diagnostic setting - not an established relationship, etc."

I do get that - makes total sense. That's probably far more usual than how I respond.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ackdaw52Man
over a year ago

Chesterfield

What would a diagnosis mean to you?

You surely must prefer one outcome over the other.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ayHaychMan
over a year ago

Leeds (Home) / Sheffield (Work)

OP all I would say is make sure whichever private service you use, if you do, make sure they have an MDT or at least a variety of disciplines in their team. Many other things can look like autism and I feel very certain some private places, if not many, do not assess properly and they don’t mind as long as they get paid. I’d ask them if they discuss your case as a team with a clinical psychologist, psychiatrist & speech and language therapist.

Also look into the downsides of getting a formal diagnosis. If you want to work or migrate abroad, some countries won’t let you in with a diagnosis of autism.

Good luck

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hiteWitchXXXWoman
over a year ago

North Wales

My friend paid private and his diagnosis still isn't formally recognised.... I'd save your money

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Learn about ASD and see how well the traits match you. We've got significantly greater levels of understanding of the condition in recent years and far less was known just a couple of decades ago. ASD is very diverse, with each affected person being unique and having their own flavour of it.

IThat said, it's important to understand that these personality traits exist on multiple spectra. There will be the majority of the population further along the spectrum, from someone with ASD traits.

An official, professional diagnosis may help you to understand and accept yourself more.

. It may help you to get the better support you may need, even if it's just you being able to identify what you may need somewhere. You may be at a higher prevalence of having other comorbid conditions and knowledge may help you to unlock support for those.

There are support groups that may help you to feel less misunderstood or accepted and to learn how others live.

OP, your situation doesn't sound too healthy and great for you, so your focus may be better to help you to develop better wellbeing in the near future. Your GP may be a helpful resource, outside of their responsibility to help get ASD support/diagnosis too. Take care

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread