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With the above in mind therefore:
For reasons best known only to himself, Dave decides to use his iPhone measuring app to gauge the diameter of his arsehole.
After a bit of a struggle he manages to get a reading of 1.5 cm.
Curiously, the sight of his own balloon knot on his phone screen renders Dave subsequently rather sexually aroused and he opts to look in his fridge for some vegetable produce…
Pulling out a turnip and smiling, Dave suddenly and inadvertently falls upon it…
Some time later, waking up in A&E, Dave muses that the diameter of the turnip was approximately 4 inches at its widest point.
Question: By how many centimetres has Dave stretched his anus? | |||
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"I am rooting for someone to work out the right answer. J" It’s definitely 8.5 or I’ll hang up my maths hat and become a cow | |||
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"I am rooting for someone to work out the right answer. J It’s definitely 8.5 or I’ll hang up my maths hat and become a cow "I agree if we're talking diameter. But I have to pretend I'm not sure or my root veg pun is wasted. 
J | |||
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"8.5! " You are good. You just forgot the units (cm) next to it | |||
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"I am rooting for someone to work out the right answer. J It’s definitely 8.5 or I’ll hang up my maths hat and become a cow
I agree if we're talking diameter. But I have to pretend I'm not sure or my root veg pun is wasted.
J"Oh I was so excited about being right I completely missed the pun! | |||
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"8.5! You are good. You just forgot the units (cm) next to it "You know what I meant | |||
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"I am rooting for someone to work out the right answer. J It’s definitely 8.5 or I’ll hang up my maths hat and become a cow
I agree if we're talking diameter. But I have to pretend I'm not sure or my root veg pun is wasted.
J
Oh I was so excited about being right I completely missed the pun! "And of course it could be the circumference that is 4 inches and that is not clear. | |||
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"I am rooting for someone to work out the right answer. J It’s definitely 8.5 or I’ll hang up my maths hat and become a cow
I agree if we're talking diameter. But I have to pretend I'm not sure or my root veg pun is wasted.
J"The root of the problem is subtle humour is sometimes over looked .  | |||
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"I am rooting for someone to work out the right answer. J It’s definitely 8.5 or I’ll hang up my maths hat and become a cow "Find somewhere to hang your hat. | |||
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"I want to see your working out" Think it was the nurses in AnE that worked it out!  | |||
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"I want to see your working out Think it was the nurses in AnE that worked it out! "Or the midwives. "One last big push" | |||
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"I want to see your working out Think it was the nurses in AnE that worked it out!
Or the midwives. "One last big push""Hope he remembered to take deep breaths | |||
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"I am rooting for someone to work out the right answer. J It’s definitely 8.5 or I’ll hang up my maths hat and become a cow
I agree if we're talking diameter. But I have to pretend I'm not sure or my root veg pun is wasted.
J"Hopefully it wasn’t a square root, would have been worse. E | |||
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"Now to be boring.... 8.66 cm "I concur with this answer. But no marks have been achieved for showing your working | |||
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"Now to be boring.... 8.66 cm
I concur with this answer. But no marks have been achieved for showing your working "Can they have an extra one for writing their name on the front? | |||
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"Now to be boring.... 8.66 cm
I concur with this answer. But no marks have been achieved for showing your working
Can they have an extra one for writing their name on the front? "No. But in the past, I have been tempted to give marks for the correct spelling of names, where students have otherwise failed to gain any/many marks  | |||
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"Now to be boring.... 8.66 cm
I concur with this answer. But no marks have been achieved for showing your working
Can they have an extra one for writing their name on the front?
No. But in the past, I have been tempted to give marks for the correct spelling of names, where students have otherwise failed to gain any/many marks "As sad as it sounds, there must be a few that get it wrong I am sure. | |||
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"Now to be boring.... 8.66 cm
I concur with this answer. But no marks have been achieved for showing your working
Can they have an extra one for writing their name on the front?
No. But in the past, I have been tempted to give marks for the correct spelling of names, where students have otherwise failed to gain any/many marks
As sad as it sounds, there must be a few that get it wrong I am sure. "Well my workings are based on ther being 2.54 cm to 1 inch 4 ×2.54 =10.16 10.16- 1.5= 8.66 | |||
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"Now to be boring.... 8.66 cm
I concur with this answer. But no marks have been achieved for showing your working
Can they have an extra one for writing their name on the front?
No. But in the past, I have been tempted to give marks for the correct spelling of names, where students have otherwise failed to gain any/many marks
As sad as it sounds, there must be a few that get it wrong I am sure.
Well my workings are based on ther being 2.54 cm to 1 inch
4 ×2.54 =10.16
10.16- 1.5= 8.66
"Now your answer lacks units!! But excellent calculations | |||
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I am impressed!
Can anyone supply Dave’s arsehole expansion percentage increase also for extra, extra gold stars?  | |||
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"Good job he found a turnip really. If he picked a pack of pickled peppers he could be on applicated anusol and be opining about the width of a gnat's chuff." | |||
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"Was it a turnip or a swede? That could change everything "In his post hazy state of semi consciousness, Dave seems to recall it being a turnip….or possibly an alien anal probe….he’s a bit delirious at the moment still… | |||
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"Ah ha! It is solved already?!
I am impressed!
Can anyone supply Dave’s arsehole expansion percentage increase also for extra, extra gold stars? "Is it 82.7%? 8.66 - 1.5 = 7.16cm 7.16/8.66 * 100 = 82.67% Rounds up to 82.7% | |||
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"Ah ha! It is solved already?!
I am impressed!
Can anyone supply Dave’s arsehole expansion percentage increase also for extra, extra gold stars? "577%
J | |||
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"Now to be boring.... 8.66 cm
I concur with this answer. But no marks have been achieved for showing your working
Can they have an extra one for writing their name on the front?
No. But in the past, I have been tempted to give marks for the correct spelling of names, where students have otherwise failed to gain any/many marks
As sad as it sounds, there must be a few that get it wrong I am sure. "I mrant not this but their own names | |||
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"Ah ha! It is solved already?!
I am impressed!
Can anyone supply Dave’s arsehole expansion percentage increase also for extra, extra gold stars?
Is it 82.7%?
8.66 - 1.5 = 7.16cm
7.16/8.66 * 100 = 82.67%
Rounds up to 82.7%"In truth, I haven’t a clue 
Nonetheless, your workings out look beautiful so I do hereby award you the highest accolade of this rather fetching looking gold star | |||
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"Ah ha! It is solved already?!
I am impressed!
Can anyone supply Dave’s arsehole expansion percentage increase also for extra, extra gold stars?
577%
J"Sounds good to me Another gold star! | |||
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"I am rooting for someone to work out the right answer. J It’s definitely 8.5 or I’ll hang up my maths hat and become a cow "I agree with your calculation | |||
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"Ah ha! It is solved already?!
I am impressed!
Can anyone supply Dave’s arsehole expansion percentage increase also for extra, extra gold stars?
Is it 82.7%?
8.66 - 1.5 = 7.16cm
7.16/8.66 * 100 = 82.67%
Rounds up to 82.7%"Sorry but my by my calculations it an arse hole expansion of 577.33r% My workings out may be as rough as removing said turnip... 100/1.5=66.66r 66.66rx8.66=577.33r Allowing for the fact that 1.5cm is 100% of his normal size and he increased it by 5.773 times it's normal size. | |||
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