FabSwingers.com forum: Just a friend...

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

on Fab. Let's talk about friendship!

Can men and women be just friends or do you find that at some point one is interested in the other? I think it's tosh that you can't be but I'm interested in your viewpoint.

Are you interested in platonic friendships on here or does the thought send a shiver down your spine? Do you place the same value on friendship as you do on relationships with a sexual element?

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By *ake_or_deathMan
over a year ago

Manchester

"on Fab. Let's talk about friendship!

Can men and women be just friends or do you find that at some point one is interested in the other? I think it's tosh that you can't be but I'm interested in your viewpoint.

Are you interested in platonic friendships on here or does the thought send a shiver down your spine? Do you place the same value on friendship as you do on relationships with a sexual element?

I have lots of platonic friendships with women - in fact, many of my closest friends are women and there's no sexual tension at all.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

I'm friendly with some men, rather than having friendships with them.

On here, I've no interest in building platonic friendships with men (or women ).

And yes, I place value on real life friendships

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

This is a tough one for me because I have always believed yes they can, several of my best friends were men (notice the were) and I had a great laugh with them all.

But......then came a little break up years back from the Mr and every single one of them immediately wanted more, pissed off was an understatement, they weren't my friends as I had hoped they were friends in waiting which sucked ass!

So I lost several friends after that and have kinda kept my distance since then from friendships with men.

In all honesty I was very upset especially a couple of them who I really did think were good friends

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"on Fab. Let's talk about friendship!

Can men and women be just friends or do you find that at some point one is interested in the other? I think it's tosh that you can't be but I'm interested in your viewpoint.

Are you interested in platonic friendships on here or does the thought send a shiver down your spine? Do you place the same value on friendship as you do on relationships with a sexual element?

I like this one Meli!

Of course men and women can be friends without the sex stuff.

It is a load of tosh.

Did I think I'd find that on fab? Nope.

But I have.

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By *ayHaychMan
over a year ago

Leeds (Home) / Sheffield (Work)

I have the same number of platonic female friends that I do male friends (just realised that, and no the number isn’t 0

). The issue is there will always be people who are hoping for more but just doin’t voice it for a long time. Best to all be on the same page from the beginning. Friendships are very important to me, and for humans in general!

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By *inky ChefMan
over a year ago

Norwich

"on Fab. Let's talk about friendship!

Can men and women be just friends or do you find that at some point one is interested in the other? I think it's tosh that you can't be but I'm interested in your viewpoint.

Are you interested in platonic friendships on here or does the thought send a shiver down your spine? Do you place the same value on friendship as you do on relationships with a sexual element?

It's easy to be only friends online.

In reality 1 of you will want more (man most likely).

Possibly secretly, so you might never know.

Anything is possible, I guess it's rare people get married from here.

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By *ebauchedDeviantsPt2Couple
over a year ago

Cumbria

"on Fab. Let's talk about friendship!

Can men and women be just friends or do you find that at some point one is interested in the other? I think it's tosh that you can't be but I'm interested in your viewpoint.

Are you interested in platonic friendships on here or does the thought send a shiver down your spine? Do you place the same value on friendship as you do on relationships with a sexual element?

Men and women can be friends even if they find one another sexually attractive, they don’t have to act on it. Even if they do act on it they can be friends afterwards. The issue comes when romantic feelings are involved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of the less than two handfuls of people that I’ve met off here, the majority of them are platonic friends. One I have done business with - purchased a business product/service from one and joined in on a research problem with another. Another I share science/research ideas with. A few I’ve introduced to other Fab platonic friends. Completely platonic. We meet up once a month a meal or coffee and a catch up. We chat often between meet ups about all sorts from business to personal life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Many of the women I have chatted to and subsequently met from Fab are platonic friends, and I would not want to change that. We stay in touch via Watsapp and they are delightful company for walks, picnics, waffles, drinks, etc. Pretty sure they wouldn't change it.

I realise some are here just for The Sex, but I must admit this sojourn on Fab has not been about that (if that happens it's great fun and an added bonus), but really I think now I am here for the banter in the lounge and the fun of talking with people from diverse backgrounds, with a wide variety of interesting experiences

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think on fab it’s a little different. In my experience I’ve never got chatting to man on here with the intention of just being friends, one always wants more than the other.

I can have completely platonic friendships with men outside of fab and I do, but when one person has already expressed that they would like more from the relationship is it really ever going to be “just friends”.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Away for Christmas

"This is a tough one for me because I have always believed yes they can, several of my best friends were men (notice the were) and I had a great laugh with them all.

So I lost several friends after that and have kinda kept my distance since then from friendships with men.

In all honesty I was very upset especially a couple of them who I really did think were good friends

Mrs "

I've been both a friend who wanted more and a friend that wants nothing but a good friend. But in both instances I have been a friend first, regardless.

I have friends I would have loved to have had a chance with, but never acted upon it because I am a friend first. Luckily things just progressed there once or twice.

I have friends I have have absolutely zero intimate attraction to other than similar interest and things in common.

We can't help which friends we get that attraction to, but it definitely is down to how we act upon them. The whole instant jump on the opportunity shows their priority is to their own interests and not the friendship.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

Here’s one that happens easily on Fab. A friendship that starts off flirty and sexual but doesn’t end up going that way. But you keep talking and you stay friends. And it ends up being a beautiful thing anyway, platonically.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Away for Christmas

"Here’s one that happens easily on Fab. A friendship that starts off flirty and sexual but doesn’t end up going that way. But you keep talking and you stay friends. And it ends up being a beautiful thing anyway, platonically."

Awww I feel the same way RTG

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

"Awww I feel the same way RTG

I’m sorry we’re not going to cross swords Kai. But it’s my round. Pint?

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"on Fab. Let's talk about friendship!

Can men and women be just friends or do you find that at some point one is interested in the other? I think it's tosh that you can't be but I'm interested in your viewpoint.

Are you interested in platonic friendships on here or does the thought send a shiver down your spine? Do you place the same value on friendship as you do on relationships with a sexual element?

I have lots of platonic friendships with women - in fact, many of my closest friends are women and there's no sexual tension at all."

On Fab? Zero sexual tension, just platonic friendship?

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Away for Christmas

Oh Meli! This is perfect actually. Well not perfect but is in the same ballpark but references more trying to be friends AFTER a breakup of the relationship.

A quote from an episode of Buffy I watched the other day.

"You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love 'til it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other until it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood -- blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it."

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By *hrek101Man
over a year ago

Herts

"on Fab. Let's talk about friendship!

Can men and women be just friends or do you find that at some point one is interested in the other? I think it's tosh that you can't be but I'm interested in your viewpoint.

Are you interested in platonic friendships on here or does the thought send a shiver down your spine? Do you place the same value on friendship as you do on relationships with a sexual element?

"
my two best friends are female, both have bf,s. I prefer female company.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"This is a tough one for me because I have always believed yes they can, several of my best friends were men (notice the were) and I had a great laugh with them all.

So I lost several friends after that and have kinda kept my distance since then from friendships with men.

In all honesty I was very upset especially a couple of them who I really did think were good friends

Mrs

I've been both a friend who wanted more and a friend that wants nothing but a good friend. But in both instances I have been a friend first, regardless.

I have friends I would have loved to have had a chance with, but never acted upon it because I am a friend first. Luckily things just progressed there once or twice.

I have friends I have have absolutely zero intimate attraction to other than similar interest and things in common.

Totally get this and I would have remained friend had they not had pushed things, unfortunately they didn't take a no well (all of them) they all felt entitled to more because we chatted often and got on well to them that was a "sign" we should be more, to me that was a sign we had a good friendship.

It's a shame I valued their friendships and I will admit it's made me wary, I'm not talking 1 person here I'm talking 3 of my closest friends, none of them dropped it after the no sorry we are friends and that's all I see you as, all pushed it and ultimately caused a rift that couldn't be fixed because ultimately they didn't respect my decision to be friends which absolutely baffled me as that's exactly what we'd been for years one since childhood.

It's a shame.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm friendly with some men, rather than having friendships with them.

On here, I've no interest in building platonic friendships with men (or women ).

And yes, I place value on real life friendships "

This is me too op.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have great platonic friendships with some women.

Of course you can develop an attraction ...but if you really are a friend then it's down to how you act on that.

Fab is no different to anywhere else ,you can develop all kinds of relationships ...those might be purely sexual, it may be friendships...it might even be a whole lot more

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh Meli! This is perfect actually. Well not perfect but is in the same ballpark but references more trying to be friends AFTER a breakup of the relationship.

A quote from an episode of Buffy I watched the other day.

It's too long since I've watched Buffy.

But great quote

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When Harry Met Sally is my favourite film. Have I mentioned that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m not looking for many or many any platonic friends anymore. I’ve found some and I’m grateful for them. But I’m here now for sex primarily. Friendships are a bonus and I’m sure I’ll make them at group socials. That’s why I attend group socials.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I'm friendly with some men, rather than having friendships with them.

On here, I've no interest in building platonic friendships with men (or women ).

And yes, I place value on real life friendships "

Friendly rather than having friendships makes a lot of sense, thank you for this. Yes, some people don't want friendships on here and that's not a bad thing. It doesn't mean they're cold etc. Just... they're not looking for friends on here.

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

I have some fabulous make friends through here. It’s very rare for me to actually fancy someone so it will always be friendship first and I’m very clear about that.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"This is a tough one for me because I have always believed yes they can, several of my best friends were men (notice the were) and I had a great laugh with them all.

So I lost several friends after that and have kinda kept my distance since then from friendships with men.

In all honesty I was very upset especially a couple of them who I really did think were good friends

Mrs "

Oh that's really crap, sorry you experienced that Mrs K. I can understand why that sort of incident would make you take a step back from friendship with men. Losing a friendship is awful, even more so if it's because they biding their time.

After a break up I've become a lot closer to some male friends of mine. Ridiculously close to a couple of them and I'm really happy they were there for me with their support and love. I think it's possible but that wariness of yours? I can't blame you for it. x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Men and women can be platonic friends, I know that from experience. I can guarantee that I harbour no romantic feelings for my male friend and I'm 100% sure the feeling is mutual.

However I think it's unusual for both to be completely happy with the platonic nature of the relationship and one would be happy if things moved to a sexual/romantic relationship. They just never express that.

If a platonic friendship developed on here I'd be happy to pursue it. I value all friendship hence I don't make friends easily.

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By *are04Man
over a year ago

Letterkenny

It can be difficult to establish the border, a good friend shares the highs and lows of life and might offer a comforting cuddle but then STOP. I have such a friend and at times I’ve been tempted, she knows that and tells me we would only end up loosing our friendship. Sadly I think she’s right.

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By *ighting 50Man
over a year ago

Retford

Its a strange one

On here we assume we are all looking for the same thing and we are

But i have made friends on here where the relationship has grown and it is one of personal friendship and not sexual lust

Not that i am not always lusting lol

But having someone you can talk to openly about everything is good and this is our taboo place so the barriers are gone already to some extent

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is a tough one for me because I have always believed yes they can, several of my best friends were men (notice the were) and I had a great laugh with them all.

So I lost several friends after that and have kinda kept my distance since then from friendships with men.

In all honesty I was very upset especially a couple of them who I really did think were good friends

Mrs "

I experienced the same when I split with the man I was with on here.

One in particular crossed a boundary I had clearly set and the usual bullshit commenced.

I feel you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd like to believe it's tosh....not been proven though.

I value all my relationships in whatever form they come in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have cultivated some really special platonic friendships from here. I value you them greatly and will always cherish.

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By *otsossieMan
over a year ago

Chesterfield

Of course we can be friends. And if folk become FwB, then so what? Still friends.

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By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

Meli, they all wanna get into my boxers, they say they want friendship next thing I know I find myself tied to a bed, with a dildo up my arse....

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Away for Christmas

One huge issue, regardless of being wanting more than friends is

That different people view friendship at different levels.

I'm not a conventional friend as most people would think of. I've been let down a lot and hard by friends in the past. I don't make deep and life long friendships easily anymore. I connect with people, in this case women, and among these connections there are different levels of how deep or strong the connection goes. For some it's just "banter" and a laugh on a more personal level, for others they get me and there are some deeper conversations and feelings (not romantic!).

With most there is a sexual attraction. That's where it started I guess, but as a fair few were forged within the forum so the personality vibes meshed too.

Would I, they, or even both like the sex? Yes of course. But I also enjoy the chat of these women and their personalities so the sex is an ever present but not a priority when it comes to being "Friends".

Plus the flirting is fun!

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By *inky ChefMan
over a year ago

Norwich

"Meli, they all wanna get into my boxers, they say they want friendship next thing I know I find myself tied to a bed, with a dildo up my arse...."

How horrible women you are meeting.

Awful!

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"This is a tough one for me because I have always believed yes they can, several of my best friends were men (notice the were) and I had a great laugh with them all.

So I lost several friends after that and have kinda kept my distance since then from friendships with men.

In all honesty I was very upset especially a couple of them who I really did think were good friends

Mrs "

In my experience most men (not all) will pretend to be friends while secretly hoping and wanting more at the first opportunity. And they are pretty good at lying , some of the ones on here etc seem experts at lies and deception and the smartest women don't see through it so pretending to not want more and being convincing wouldn't be that hard.

I’ve been friends with women that I would have sex with and told them so and I’ve been friends with women that want more with me & I don’t to and told them so. It’s 50/50 ish whether or not it works

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By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"Meli, they all wanna get into my boxers, they say they want friendship next thing I know I find myself tied to a bed, with a dildo up my arse....

How horrible women you are meeting.

Awful!

Horrible is such a strong word

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

I don’t look for that but it’s definitely happened over the years, more with men than women so it’s it’s definitely possible. Someone I used to meet regularly for a long time is now one of my bestest friends in the world and nothing will ever happen between us again. It’s nice to have that

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Sure

I've made many female friends whereas it's become more like a brother and sister scenario few from fab at begin was something else but they decided wanted to look for a relationship, elsewhere at times we'd spend hours over the phone like you are able to discuss anything with each other and years later were still there. respect goes a long way each way regardless how attracted one may feel about the other

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

I'm more than happy to be just friends with people and find they are often the relationships that last longer in a sense. But there are different types of friends - the ones who know you and can chat and the ones who really KNOW you at your core. Those are harder to come by

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By *aughtyandhandsomeMan
over a year ago

button moon

I’ve one who is just a very good friend on fab. Started off as an interest for more but we grew more friends than anything else. Nothing sexual has ever happened between us at all and never will. We’ve been good friends 10 years now

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

I suppose the simplest response to this is, if it were true: a bisexual person could never be friends with anyone?

I think you can be friends without sexual desire ever emerging. - Quite common for me. For many reasons most relationships get 'friend zoned' very quickly and often in very cute open ways. I have a friendship form on here I really value, with someone open where we decided that very early.

I think you can be friends with sexual desire emerging for one/or both and you never act upon it.

For me to say I'm not here for friendship is absurd, because I would almost certainly form a friendship before developing sexual attraction.

Desire for sex has never been the cause of a friendship ending for me. And yes I hold friendship in the same regard whether it was sexual or not.

Lack of open communication, subjects being taboo (including sexual desire), betrayal of trust are the reasons why relationships may fail with me.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I like this one Meli!

Of course men and women can be friends without the sex stuff.

It is a load of tosh.

Did I think I'd find that on fab? Nope.

But I have."

Aww I like this one too! It's been great reading the different replies.

I'm happy you found that unexpected friendship - it's lovely when it works isn't it? I don't think everything has to be sex based, even the start of a friendship on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Meli I’m so annoyed I can’t stop singing ‘you say he’s just a friend’

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"This is a tough one for me because I have always believed yes they can, several of my best friends were men (notice the were) and I had a great laugh with them all.

So I lost several friends after that and have kinda kept my distance since then from friendships with men.

In all honesty I was very upset especially a couple of them who I really did think were good friends

Mrs

I experienced the same when I split with the man I was with on here.

One in particular crossed a boundary I had clearly set and the usual bullshit commenced.

I feel you."

Shit isn't it

Mrs

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Meli I’m so annoyed I can’t stop singing ‘you say he’s just a friend’ "

Of course you'd know! Yeah, I had a friend sing that to me in a voicenote at 6am this morning. I've now got Bad Girl in my head but I'll refrain from doing a thread on that.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I have the same number of platonic female friends that I do male friends (just realised that, and no the number isn’t 0

Yes. If you have that clear communication, are able to handle things in a mature fashion and understand and respect the other's boundaries, I think it can be done. Friendships are important; I don't think that you necessarily have them on here but having those relationships in your life, real friendships is important to wellbeing. I think so anyway!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not the best at talking, so this rarely works out for me.

I always think guys are only doing the friend thing because they wanna fuck me anyway.

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

Yes I have women friends. My sis in laws are specially good mates. One for over 30 years.

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