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What’s the hardest thing

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By *rHotNotts OP   Man
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

No, not your morning glory!

What’s the toughest time you’ve been through where you had to develop or use patience or tenacity and how did you get through it?

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

This might sound like a piece of piss to most, but homeschooling during lockdown.

Particularly my youngest who has autism.

The patience it required was stressful. In the end I just broke it down into smaller learning chunks and just focused on the basics and getting the schoolwork set done.

I could never be a Teacher.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The last year has been hard for me. Lost my brother and my beloved cat. Both were incredibly precious to me. In the wake of my brothers death I have cut my mother out of my life. He was the only reason I continued to have a relationship with her. I haven't had to cope as such as I have become emotionally numb as a result of all the trauma. Things that I would have "kicked off" over in the past are now just "meh" to me now. Obviously that can't be a good thing but it's serving as a temporary patch up for the moment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Living at home as a child. I got through it by holding on to the fact that I'd be old enough to leave legally and I'd have my freedom instead of living in hell without a choice.

And now you know why freedom is such a big deal for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My entire life has been hard. Single mum of three, no family around me, working two jobs 7 days a week, always under pressure, always stressed. Never feeling good enough.

Nothing has ever come easy for me.

People look at me and think I've got myself together. They see my day job and think I must be doing pretty well for myself. They see my boys who are now older and dont see the struggles they have had.

The reality is I'm a swan frantically flapping away under the surface. I'm permanently exhausted,I'm a hormonal mess and life is actually incredibly lonely.

However, I am a coper. I have to be. I'm seen as the strong one. I'm just winging it and likely crying in my car whilst wondering what that new strange noise is and praying it doesn't die on me.

I am long overdue a mental break down but instead I keep going and I much prefer to help others.

So yes, life's hard but I keep on going because there's no other option.

I'm still lucky though and I don't take that for granted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The last year has been hard for me. Lost my brother and my beloved cat. Both were incredibly precious to me. In the wake of my brothers death I have cut my mother out of my life. He was the only reason I continued to have a relationship with her. I haven't had to cope as such as I have become emotionally numb as a result of all the trauma. Things that I would have "kicked off" over in the past are now just "meh" to me now. Obviously that can't be a good thing but it's serving as a temporary patch up for the moment. "

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By *ookie46Woman
over a year ago

Deepest darkest Peru

Probably after lockdown and kids returned to school. My youngest son is autistic and he really struggled to go back, it got to the point we’d get to the school gates and he’d cling on to them crying in complete sensory overload and myself or teachers couldn’t get him in. I’d sometimes be sitting on the ground with him for an hour.

It got to the point where he wouldn’t leave the house and was out of school for over eight months

I had to leave my midwifery course to become his full time carer and home school him which wasn’t always easy as school seemed to forget he existed. After eight months he got a place in a specialised provision but the application process and three appeals to get him there really took it’s toll on me

The fight each parent of a special needs child faces to get the support needed can almost be soul destroying but you never give up

He’s happy now and his school life is so fulfilling and enriched

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By *obilebottomMan
over a year ago

All over


"Probably after lockdown and kids returned to school. My youngest son is autistic and he really struggled to go back, it got to the point we’d get to the school gates and he’d cling on to them crying in complete sensory overload and myself or teachers couldn’t get him in. I’d sometimes be sitting on the ground with him for an hour.

It got to the point where he wouldn’t leave the house and was out of school for over eight months

I had to leave my midwifery course to become his full time carer and home school him which wasn’t always easy as school seemed to forget he existed. After eight months he got a place in a specialised provision but the application process and three appeals to get him there really took it’s toll on me

The fight each parent of a special needs child faces to get the support needed can almost be soul destroying but you never give up

He’s happy now and his school life is so fulfilling and enriched

"

I was tearful when I read that. Well done and great to see is now happy and I hope you are also feeling better for it, despite all the stress you have obviously been through

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The past 4 years to be fair.

I found out I had a BENIGN brain tumour and a couple months later I had brain surgery to reduce the size of that. Part of the sucker still lives inside of me :/ trying to relearn how to talk without slurring, being able to see right, walk again and all that type of thing was tough. The annoying thing is, there are still repercussions now. However! I have to say being deaf as a post in one ear is soooooo helpful, if whoever I'm sleeping with snores, lie on my good ear, with the deaf ear up.....I don't hear a thing. Bonus!

Having troubles at home brought to the fore. Lockdown and again I sympathize with the previous lady with that, I was trying to teach 2 young ones with autism while still getting over the op. Thankfully I wasn't at work then. But THAT was hard.

Then this summer has not been great at all. Confusion, misunderstandings, not realising or knowing or being made aware caused tons of hurt. Plus I had a huge event that crushed me and makes me feel like such a terrible person. So here's to 2024…!! Whoop, onwards and upwards x

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By *mber81Woman
over a year ago

Lives in Preston, Eng

I spent a huge amount of my later childhood, teens, 20s and early 30s severely depressed. I spent an inordinate amount of time silently crying in bathrooms; public and at home. With a lockable door and privacy there were often the only place I felt safe.

I am also incredibly privileged though to be able to afford help. So through an absolute fuck tonne of therapy I recovered, came to accept myself and understand myself and my past. Though it did take a little time of feeling worse first.

I am in a great place with my mental health now and though I have probably just had my most stressful weekend of the year I know I will be ok.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No, not your morning glory!

What’s the toughest time you’ve been through where you had to develop or use patience or tenacity and how did you get through it?

"

Patience with documentation for my line of work. Just waited. After so long I called the police. Result was there in 24 hours.

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By *educing_EmCouple
over a year ago

Tipperary

Abuse at a very young age which sent a parent into a spin and turn to alcohol.

Watching her struggle with an alcohol addiction for the last 20 years.

Seeing and experiencing things I never should have had to in that time and having to become the 'adult' when I was only a child myself.

Overshare? Probably soz ......

Em x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Watching my mum drink so much she ended up in a coma, then waking up with brain damage and having to look after her until she passed away. It was tough, really tough and took a hell of lot of patience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Abuse at a very young age which sent a parent into a spin and turn to alcohol.

Watching her struggle with an alcohol addiction for the last 20 years.

Seeing and experiencing things I never should have had to in that time and having to become the 'adult' when I was only a child myself.

Overshare? Probably soz ......

Em x"

I’m sorry you had to go through that

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By *ookie46Woman
over a year ago

Deepest darkest Peru


"Abuse at a very young age which sent a parent into a spin and turn to alcohol.

Watching her struggle with an alcohol addiction for the last 20 years.

Seeing and experiencing things I never should have had to in that time and having to become the 'adult' when I was only a child myself.

Overshare? Probably soz ......

Em x"

My mam was an alcoholic too, I pretty much brought my younger sister up. My part time job while studying was the only reason we had food on the table

None of our family knew how bad it was until she passed away. Me and my sister kept it a secret as we were worried we’d be took into care and split up ..

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By *educing_EmCouple
over a year ago

Tipperary


"Abuse at a very young age which sent a parent into a spin and turn to alcohol.

Watching her struggle with an alcohol addiction for the last 20 years.

Seeing and experiencing things I never should have had to in that time and having to become the 'adult' when I was only a child myself.

Overshare? Probably soz ......

Em x

I’m sorry you had to go through that "

I'm sorry you did too, no child should have to do what you did

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By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago

London

Just jumping in to say Jesus, some of you guys had it super tough. Big hugs to those people that want it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just jumping in to say Jesus, some of you guys had it super tough. Big hugs to those people that want it!"

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By *educing_EmCouple
over a year ago

Tipperary


"Abuse at a very young age which sent a parent into a spin and turn to alcohol.

Watching her struggle with an alcohol addiction for the last 20 years.

Seeing and experiencing things I never should have had to in that time and having to become the 'adult' when I was only a child myself.

Overshare? Probably soz ......

Em x

My mam was an alcoholic too, I pretty much brought my younger sister up. My part time job while studying was the only reason we had food on the table

None of our family knew how bad it was until she passed away. Me and my sister kept it a secret as we were worried we’d be took into care and split up .. "

It's a horrible thing to cope with and a massive burden when you keep it quiet. Well done you though for stepping in for your sister, you're the reason she ate and never had to face the horrors of care .

I became parent to my younger brother and sister, fed them, looked after them and shielded them from as much as I could. I felt partly responsible I suppose.

When I turned 17 I went to my Dad and got them out of there.

The only silver lining,if you could call it that is she has finally admitted to this problem and asked for help. She goes into rehab tomorrow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I spent a huge amount of my later childhood, teens, 20s and early 30s severely depressed. I spent an inordinate amount of time silently crying in bathrooms; public and at home. With a lockable door and privacy there were often the only place I felt safe.

I am also incredibly privileged though to be able to afford help. So through an absolute fuck tonne of therapy I recovered, came to accept myself and understand myself and my past. Though it did take a little time of feeling worse first.

I am in a great place with my mental health now and though I have probably just had my most stressful weekend of the year I know I will be ok. "

Sounds like you’ve had a real struggle but managed to work your way through it with support. Thank you for sharing

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By *educing_EmCouple
over a year ago

Tipperary


"Just jumping in to say Jesus, some of you guys had it super tough. Big hugs to those people that want it!"

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By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago

London


"Abuse at a very young age which sent a parent into a spin and turn to alcohol.

Watching her struggle with an alcohol addiction for the last 20 years.

Seeing and experiencing things I never should have had to in that time and having to become the 'adult' when I was only a child myself.

Overshare? Probably soz ......

Em x

My mam was an alcoholic too, I pretty much brought my younger sister up. My part time job while studying was the only reason we had food on the table

None of our family knew how bad it was until she passed away. Me and my sister kept it a secret as we were worried we’d be took into care and split up ..

It's a horrible thing to cope with and a massive burden when you keep it quiet. Well done you though for stepping in for your sister, you're the reason she ate and never had to face the horrors of care .

I became parent to my younger brother and sister, fed them, looked after them and shielded them from as much as I could. I felt partly responsible I suppose.

When I turned 17 I went to my Dad and got them out of there.

The only silver lining,if you could call it that is she has finally admitted to this problem and asked for help. She goes into rehab tomorrow "

The fact she is going to rehab tomorrow is one hell of a journey for her in itself. Glad she's giving it a go em and well done for being so strong! X

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

I’m in awe of the strength on this thread.

.


"She goes into rehab tomorrow."

And the simple hope in that last sentence is beautiful.

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By *educing_EmCouple
over a year ago

Tipperary


"Abuse at a very young age which sent a parent into a spin and turn to alcohol.

Watching her struggle with an alcohol addiction for the last 20 years.

Seeing and experiencing things I never should have had to in that time and having to become the 'adult' when I was only a child myself.

Overshare? Probably soz ......

Em x

My mam was an alcoholic too, I pretty much brought my younger sister up. My part time job while studying was the only reason we had food on the table

None of our family knew how bad it was until she passed away. Me and my sister kept it a secret as we were worried we’d be took into care and split up ..

It's a horrible thing to cope with and a massive burden when you keep it quiet. Well done you though for stepping in for your sister, you're the reason she ate and never had to face the horrors of care .

I became parent to my younger brother and sister, fed them, looked after them and shielded them from as much as I could. I felt partly responsible I suppose.

When I turned 17 I went to my Dad and got them out of there.

The only silver lining,if you could call it that is she has finally admitted to this problem and asked for help. She goes into rehab tomorrow

The fact she is going to rehab tomorrow is one hell of a journey for her in itself. Glad she's giving it a go em and well done for being so strong! X"

Thanks Brucey x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The only silver lining,if you could call it that is she has finally admitted to this problem and asked for help. She goes into rehab tomorrow "

Admitting they have a problem is a huge step in the right direction. I really hope rehab helps your mum get better

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By *educing_EmCouple
over a year ago

Tipperary


"I’m in awe of the strength on this thread.

.

She goes into rehab tomorrow.

And the simple hope in that last sentence is beautiful. "

So many strong people

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By *educing_EmCouple
over a year ago

Tipperary


"The only silver lining,if you could call it that is she has finally admitted to this problem and asked for help. She goes into rehab tomorrow

Admitting they have a problem is a huge step in the right direction. I really hope rehab helps your mum get better "

Me too Mrs Shiv, me too

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By *uri00620Woman
over a year ago

Croydon

Returning home from school to find my and my brother's belongings outside. My stepmother changed the locks after my dad died. Legally she was entitled to even though they'd only been married one month and known eachother for 6.

We went to live with an aunt away from friends etc.

Stepmother got everything. So that was pretty shit, dead mum, few years later dead dad, then losing family home.

I don't believe in karma but if there's such a thing I hope it kicks her right up the arse!

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

Not had to endure some of the things you guys have endured. Mine seem easy by comparrison.

At 27 waking up from an operation, to be told that they had removed a testicle. It finally hit home that I had cancer, up till then I knew I had it but it was kept to the back of my mind.

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Living with an narcissist ex for many years

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By *eneralKenobiMan
over a year ago

North Angus

Snapped my femur in a car crash, four months of physio and rehab later I was walking again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most recently, losing my partner, home and dog after ending my relationship. Taking on the burden of separating our things, finances and life together all whilst he was off having a good time with his new girlfriend tested my patience more than ever before. I don't know how I got through it to be honest but I'm glad I handled myself the way I did and will take that strength going forward.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The last 5-6 years with my ex who spent every month/week/day slowly breaking me.

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

I don't know how to shorten this more, I apologise.

We'd just had kids. Then after our second daughter. She changed. They said it PND. But things just got worse and worse. A cycle of drinking, anorexia and self-harm. I used to stay up all night I was too worried something would happen if I fell asleep. I'd read a lot, I taught myself Psychology trying to work out how to help her. And philosophy trying to find a reason to keep going. I was at crisis, breaking point for I'd say 5 years. A revolving door, of booting bathroom doors in, carrying her to a&e. It's a blur of memories now, that haunt me as PTSD flashbacks. Watching them perform CPR on her, the glow of the heat blanket, crash trolleys, 3am calls because they thought she would die. One of my flashbacks, is a doctor screaming at me in A&E how I dared to allow my wife to get into such an emaciated state. And then telling him they had discharged her 24 hours ago.

Then one day, I was broken utterly spent. I just wanted to die I was so exhausted. I went to see her there'd been that many admissions, they decided they wanted to declare her terminally ill and put her in a hospice. I couldn't speak, I had nothing left in me. I got home, and my two little girls were either side of me on the bed. They were upset, asking me when I was bringing mummy home again. I don't quite know how I didn't melt down, but I calmed them and got them to sleep, like it was any other night. Then I went downstairs and I began writing a suicide note trying to work out how to apologise to them, for failing to save their mummy.

And I got a call from her gp at 10pm. He said I can block this, I can refuse. If you have any fight left in you I will do it. And I did, I got MPs involved, took on the PCT trust. Got her into an ED clinic. She got diagnosed and treated. And 2 years later my daughters had their mummy back. I became that good at fighting the system that the carers charity who helped me asked me to become an advocate for young carers. And so I did. And I volunteered with them for 7 years, until the day she died. She was fully recovered, perfectly healthy and she died out of the blue, brain aneurysm. And then I had to do it all over again, and fight for my daughter and father-in-law, through COVID to get them the help they needed.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

30 years with my husband was torture. It gradually got worse as the years went on and I became numb.

I lost weight, gained weight, went to psychiatry, put on mind-numbing antidepressants, lost my best friend and spent years trying to figure out what I'd done wrong.

Worse than that was losing my mum.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London


"I don't know how to shorten this more, I apologise.

We'd just had kids. Then after our second daughter. She changed. They said it PND. But things just got worse and worse. A cycle of drinking, anorexia and self-harm. I used to stay up all night I was too worried something would happen if I fell asleep. I'd read a lot, I taught myself Psychology trying to work out how to help her. And philosophy trying to find a reason to keep going. I was at crisis, breaking point for I'd say 5 years. A revolving door, of booting bathroom doors in, carrying her to a&e. It's a blur of memories now, that haunt me as PTSD flashbacks. Watching them perform CPR on her, the glow of the heat blanket, crash trolleys, 3am calls because they thought she would die. One of my flashbacks, is a doctor screaming at me in A&E how I dared to allow my wife to get into such an emaciated state. And then telling him they had discharged her 24 hours ago.

Then one day, I was broken utterly spent. I just wanted to die I was so exhausted. I went to see her there'd been that many admissions, they decided they wanted to declare her terminally ill and put her in a hospice. I couldn't speak, I had nothing left in me. I got home, and my two little girls were either side of me on the bed. They were upset, asking me when I was bringing mummy home again. I don't quite know how I didn't melt down, but I calmed them and got them to sleep, like it was any other night. Then I went downstairs and I began writing a suicide note trying to work out how to apologise to them, for failing to save their mummy.

And I got a call from her gp at 10pm. He said I can block this, I can refuse. If you have any fight left in you I will do it. And I did, I got MPs involved, took on the PCT trust. Got her into an ED clinic. She got diagnosed and treated. And 2 years later my daughters had their mummy back. I became that good at fighting the system that the carers charity who helped me asked me to become an advocate for young carers. And so I did. And I volunteered with them for 7 years, until the day she died. She was fully recovered, perfectly healthy and she died out of the blue, brain aneurysm. And then I had to do it all over again, and fight for my daughter and father-in-law, through COVID to get them the help they needed."

Oh wow, it's not often something on here makes me cry.

It takes a lot of inner strength to keep going.

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By *heArrowsCouple
over a year ago

I had suppressed memories of childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a priest and they started to return in my mid 30s

I had lost the bad memories but I also lost the good and I became a person who floated along the river of life unable to be present and incapable of dealing with most tough real life issues. My life was a mess and I needed to fix it. There were lots of times during therapy when I felt like I was dissolving as a person. So many important things in my world had potential links to the abuse and I wanted to break all the links but how do you do that and stay the same person? What would the new me be like?it was while I was dealing with this that we started swinging. Not a great piece of timing on my part.

Anyway, I stayed working hard at therapy, I leaned on my wife, family and friends for support. Their love showed me that i was a good person.

I needed to change yes, but i realised i actually needed to grow, rather than become a new person. MrArrow 2.0. I leaned into being the parent I wished my dad had been, I cut out things I didn't want to do that made me miserable, I cut out drama and drama creating people.

My life has been very boring since but I am a better person for it.

Everyone has problems and mine were big and messy but that doesnt mean that "smaller" problems are lesser. I read each post before I started writing. Some are heartbreaking but ultimately they survived.

Dealing with homeschooling during covid was a nightmare! I still feel sick thinking about it. And 2 of my kids 3 were amazing and needed no help.

Some of the women who shared their stories were truly heartbreaking and reminded me of my mum. Inspirational women.

And the little thing of dealing with cancer. Another survivor.

And to the people who don't have to deal with abuse, addiction, cancer, disabilities or other issues, guess what. Your problems are just as important. You are also a survivor who will deal with issues as they come along. It's the human condition

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
over a year ago

Southampton


"I don't know how to shorten this more, I apologise.

We'd just had kids. Then after our second daughter. She changed. They said it PND. But things just got worse and worse. A cycle of drinking, anorexia and self-harm. I used to stay up all night I was too worried something would happen if I fell asleep. I'd read a lot, I taught myself Psychology trying to work out how to help her. And philosophy trying to find a reason to keep going. I was at crisis, breaking point for I'd say 5 years. A revolving door, of booting bathroom doors in, carrying her to a&e. It's a blur of memories now, that haunt me as PTSD flashbacks. Watching them perform CPR on her, the glow of the heat blanket, crash trolleys, 3am calls because they thought she would die. One of my flashbacks, is a doctor screaming at me in A&E how I dared to allow my wife to get into such an emaciated state. And then telling him they had discharged her 24 hours ago.

Then one day, I was broken utterly spent. I just wanted to die I was so exhausted. I went to see her there'd been that many admissions, they decided they wanted to declare her terminally ill and put her in a hospice. I couldn't speak, I had nothing left in me. I got home, and my two little girls were either side of me on the bed. They were upset, asking me when I was bringing mummy home again. I don't quite know how I didn't melt down, but I calmed them and got them to sleep, like it was any other night. Then I went downstairs and I began writing a suicide note trying to work out how to apologise to them, for failing to save their mummy.

And I got a call from her gp at 10pm. He said I can block this, I can refuse. If you have any fight left in you I will do it. And I did, I got MPs involved, took on the PCT trust. Got her into an ED clinic. She got diagnosed and treated. And 2 years later my daughters had their mummy back. I became that good at fighting the system that the carers charity who helped me asked me to become an advocate for young carers. And so I did. And I volunteered with them for 7 years, until the day she died. She was fully recovered, perfectly healthy and she died out of the blue, brain aneurysm. And then I had to do it all over again, and fight for my daughter and father-in-law, through COVID to get them the help they needed."

I have no words...I'm so sorry... I don't even know you begin to heal from this. Xx

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By *heArrowsCouple
over a year ago


"I don't know how to shorten this more, I apologise.

We'd just had kids. Then after our second daughter. She changed. They said it PND. But things just got worse and worse. A cycle of drinking, anorexia and self-harm. I used to stay up all night I was too worried something would happen if I fell asleep. I'd read a lot, I taught myself Psychology trying to work out how to help her. And philosophy trying to find a reason to keep going. I was at crisis, breaking point for I'd say 5 years. A revolving door, of booting bathroom doors in, carrying her to a&e. It's a blur of memories now, that haunt me as PTSD flashbacks. Watching them perform CPR on her, the glow of the heat blanket, crash trolleys, 3am calls because they thought she would die. One of my flashbacks, is a doctor screaming at me in A&E how I dared to allow my wife to get into such an emaciated state. And then telling him they had discharged her 24 hours ago.

Then one day, I was broken utterly spent. I just wanted to die I was so exhausted. I went to see her there'd been that many admissions, they decided they wanted to declare her terminally ill and put her in a hospice. I couldn't speak, I had nothing left in me. I got home, and my two little girls were either side of me on the bed. They were upset, asking me when I was bringing mummy home again. I don't quite know how I didn't melt down, but I calmed them and got them to sleep, like it was any other night. Then I went downstairs and I began writing a suicide note trying to work out how to apologise to them, for failing to save their mummy.

And I got a call from her gp at 10pm. He said I can block this, I can refuse. If you have any fight left in you I will do it. And I did, I got MPs involved, took on the PCT trust. Got her into an ED clinic. She got diagnosed and treated. And 2 years later my daughters had their mummy back. I became that good at fighting the system that the carers charity who helped me asked me to become an advocate for young carers. And so I did. And I volunteered with them for 7 years, until the day she died. She was fully recovered, perfectly healthy and she died out of the blue, brain aneurysm. And then I had to do it all over again, and fight for my daughter and father-in-law, through COVID to get them the help they needed."
powerful. That is a hard read. My sympathies for you and your family

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

Reading peoplee stories breaks my heart, makes my shitty childhood look like a walk in the park... alcoholic father, a family member doing things they've no business doing to a 10 year old, bullying, and starting to have suicidal thoughts at 13.... everyone who has survived this far is amazing x

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By *heArrowsCouple
over a year ago


"Reading peoplee stories breaks my heart, makes my shitty childhood look like a walk in the park... alcoholic father, a family member doing things they've no business doing to a 10 year old, bullying, and starting to have suicidal thoughts at 13.... everyone who has survived this far is amazing x"

That really doesn't sound like a walk in the park to be honest. Or your parks are wicked dangerous. What breaks one person might be easily overcome by another.

Sometimes feeling sympathy and empathy for ourselves is the hardest thing

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By *educing_EmCouple
over a year ago

Tipperary


"I don't know how to shorten this more, I apologise.

We'd just had kids. Then after our second daughter. She changed. They said it PND. But things just got worse and worse. A cycle of drinking, anorexia and self-harm. I used to stay up all night I was too worried something would happen if I fell asleep. I'd read a lot, I taught myself Psychology trying to work out how to help her. And philosophy trying to find a reason to keep going. I was at crisis, breaking point for I'd say 5 years. A revolving door, of booting bathroom doors in, carrying her to a&e. It's a blur of memories now, that haunt me as PTSD flashbacks. Watching them perform CPR on her, the glow of the heat blanket, crash trolleys, 3am calls because they thought she would die. One of my flashbacks, is a doctor screaming at me in A&E how I dared to allow my wife to get into such an emaciated state. And then telling him they had discharged her 24 hours ago.

Then one day, I was broken utterly spent. I just wanted to die I was so exhausted. I went to see her there'd been that many admissions, they decided they wanted to declare her terminally ill and put her in a hospice. I couldn't speak, I had nothing left in me. I got home, and my two little girls were either side of me on the bed. They were upset, asking me when I was bringing mummy home again. I don't quite know how I didn't melt down, but I calmed them and got them to sleep, like it was any other night. Then I went downstairs and I began writing a suicide note trying to work out how to apologise to them, for failing to save their mummy.

And I got a call from her gp at 10pm. He said I can block this, I can refuse. If you have any fight left in you I will do it. And I did, I got MPs involved, took on the PCT trust. Got her into an ED clinic. She got diagnosed and treated. And 2 years later my daughters had their mummy back. I became that good at fighting the system that the carers charity who helped me asked me to become an advocate for young carers. And so I did. And I volunteered with them for 7 years, until the day she died. She was fully recovered, perfectly healthy and she died out of the blue, brain aneurysm. And then I had to do it all over again, and fight for my daughter and father-in-law, through COVID to get them the help they needed."

This is heartbreaking

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
over a year ago

Southampton


"Reading peoplee stories breaks my heart, makes my shitty childhood look like a walk in the park... alcoholic father, a family member doing things they've no business doing to a 10 year old, bullying, and starting to have suicidal thoughts at 13.... everyone who has survived this far is amazing x

That really doesn't sound like a walk in the park to be honest. Or your parks are wicked dangerous. What breaks one person might be easily overcome by another.

Sometimes feeling sympathy and empathy for ourselves is the hardest thing "

I'm great at empathising with other people, with myself not so much...

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By *educing_EmCouple
over a year ago

Tipperary


"Reading peoplee stories breaks my heart, makes my shitty childhood look like a walk in the park... alcoholic father, a family member doing things they've no business doing to a 10 year old, bullying, and starting to have suicidal thoughts at 13.... everyone who has survived this far is amazing x"

Thats a lot more than a shitty childhood,I'm glad you got through it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't know how to shorten this more, I apologise.

We'd just had kids. Then after our second daughter. She changed. They said it PND. But things just got worse and worse. A cycle of drinking, anorexia and self-harm. I used to stay up all night I was too worried something would happen if I fell asleep. I'd read a lot, I taught myself Psychology trying to work out how to help her. And philosophy trying to find a reason to keep going. I was at crisis, breaking point for I'd say 5 years. A revolving door, of booting bathroom doors in, carrying her to a&e. It's a blur of memories now, that haunt me as PTSD flashbacks. Watching them perform CPR on her, the glow of the heat blanket, crash trolleys, 3am calls because they thought she would die. One of my flashbacks, is a doctor screaming at me in A&E how I dared to allow my wife to get into such an emaciated state. And then telling him they had discharged her 24 hours ago.

Then one day, I was broken utterly spent. I just wanted to die I was so exhausted. I went to see her there'd been that many admissions, they decided they wanted to declare her terminally ill and put her in a hospice. I couldn't speak, I had nothing left in me. I got home, and my two little girls were either side of me on the bed. They were upset, asking me when I was bringing mummy home again. I don't quite know how I didn't melt down, but I calmed them and got them to sleep, like it was any other night. Then I went downstairs and I began writing a suicide note trying to work out how to apologise to them, for failing to save their mummy.

And I got a call from her gp at 10pm. He said I can block this, I can refuse. If you have any fight left in you I will do it. And I did, I got MPs involved, took on the PCT trust. Got her into an ED clinic. She got diagnosed and treated. And 2 years later my daughters had their mummy back. I became that good at fighting the system that the carers charity who helped me asked me to become an advocate for young carers. And so I did. And I volunteered with them for 7 years, until the day she died. She was fully recovered, perfectly healthy and she died out of the blue, brain aneurysm. And then I had to do it all over again, and fight for my daughter and father-in-law, through COVID to get them the help they needed."

This is truly heartbreaking

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
over a year ago

Southampton


"Reading peoplee stories breaks my heart, makes my shitty childhood look like a walk in the park... alcoholic father, a family member doing things they've no business doing to a 10 year old, bullying, and starting to have suicidal thoughts at 13.... everyone who has survived this far is amazing x

Thats a lot more than a shitty childhood,I'm glad you got through it "

Thank you

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A


"Reading peoplee stories breaks my heart, makes my shitty childhood look like a walk in the park... alcoholic father, a family member doing things they've no business doing to a 10 year old, bullying, and starting to have suicidal thoughts at 13.... everyone who has survived this far is amazing x

That really doesn't sound like a walk in the park to be honest. Or your parks are wicked dangerous. What breaks one person might be easily overcome by another.

Sometimes feeling sympathy and empathy for ourselves is the hardest thing

I'm great at empathising with other people, with myself not so much..."

I don't think that's a walk in the park. I've got a few kids out of abusive homes or got the help they needed. And a lot of my work now is with adult survivors of child abuse and CSA. As you say they are often deeply empathetic people, but struggle to do the same for themselves. Their courage and resilience is often what inspires me to keep going.

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By *B6969Man
over a year ago

bath

I’ll keep it brief no one wants the full back story haha! Being cheated on by someone you thought was the answer, and ur forever! 18 months of head fuck!

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
over a year ago

Southampton


"Reading peoplee stories breaks my heart, makes my shitty childhood look like a walk in the park... alcoholic father, a family member doing things they've no business doing to a 10 year old, bullying, and starting to have suicidal thoughts at 13.... everyone who has survived this far is amazing x

That really doesn't sound like a walk in the park to be honest. Or your parks are wicked dangerous. What breaks one person might be easily overcome by another.

Sometimes feeling sympathy and empathy for ourselves is the hardest thing

I'm great at empathising with other people, with myself not so much...

I don't think that's a walk in the park. I've got a few kids out of abusive homes or got the help they needed. And a lot of my work now is with adult survivors of child abuse and CSA. As you say they are often deeply empathetic people, but struggle to do the same for themselves. Their courage and resilience is often what inspires me to keep going. "

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Probably recovering from a brain infection. Luckily I didn't lose anything but it was still a climb back to full health.

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By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)


"No, not your morning glory!

What’s the toughest time you’ve been through where you had to develop or use patience or tenacity and how did you get through it?

"

Seen a few threads like this in past few days, the toughest thing I've ever faced is 20 years of heroin and crack addiction, what I did to myself family and others was truly horrendous. Thank God its not like that today, and as a human I have the capability to change, when the pain becomes great enough, which takes patience

And tenacity

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
over a year ago

Southampton


"No, not your morning glory!

What’s the toughest time you’ve been through where you had to develop or use patience or tenacity and how did you get through it?

Seen a few threads like this in past few days, the toughest thing I've ever faced is 20 years of heroin and crack addiction, what I did to myself family and others was truly horrendous. Thank God its not like that today, and as a human I have the capability to change, when the pain becomes great enough, which takes patience

And tenacity "

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere else


"I don't know how to shorten this more, I apologise.

We'd just had kids. Then after our second daughter. She changed. They said it PND. But things just got worse and worse. A cycle of drinking, anorexia and self-harm. I used to stay up all night I was too worried something would happen if I fell asleep. I'd read a lot, I taught myself Psychology trying to work out how to help her. And philosophy trying to find a reason to keep going. I was at crisis, breaking point for I'd say 5 years. A revolving door, of booting bathroom doors in, carrying her to a&e. It's a blur of memories now, that haunt me as PTSD flashbacks. Watching them perform CPR on her, the glow of the heat blanket, crash trolleys, 3am calls because they thought she would die. One of my flashbacks, is a doctor screaming at me in A&E how I dared to allow my wife to get into such an emaciated state. And then telling him they had discharged her 24 hours ago.

Then one day, I was broken utterly spent. I just wanted to die I was so exhausted. I went to see her there'd been that many admissions, they decided they wanted to declare her terminally ill and put her in a hospice. I couldn't speak, I had nothing left in me. I got home, and my two little girls were either side of me on the bed. They were upset, asking me when I was bringing mummy home again. I don't quite know how I didn't melt down, but I calmed them and got them to sleep, like it was any other night. Then I went downstairs and I began writing a suicide note trying to work out how to apologise to them, for failing to save their mummy.

And I got a call from her gp at 10pm. He said I can block this, I can refuse. If you have any fight left in you I will do it. And I did, I got MPs involved, took on the PCT trust. Got her into an ED clinic. She got diagnosed and treated. And 2 years later my daughters had their mummy back. I became that good at fighting the system that the carers charity who helped me asked me to become an advocate for young carers. And so I did. And I volunteered with them for 7 years, until the day she died. She was fully recovered, perfectly healthy and she died out of the blue, brain aneurysm. And then I had to do it all over again, and fight for my daughter and father-in-law, through COVID to get them the help they needed."

Your story made me cry. Internet stranger here, wishing only good things for you and your family from here on out.

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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

Jesus Christ…..hats off and heartfelt feelings to so many on this thread, there’s been some absolute hell endured it seems.

Makes having a mentally unstable ex who left me on anti-depressants in my early 20s and almost losing my business and going bankrupt during the GFC in 2008 seem like nothing.

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
over a year ago

Southampton


"Jesus Christ…..hats off and heartfelt feelings to so many on this thread, there’s been some absolute hell endured it seems.

Makes having a mentally unstable ex who left me on anti-depressants in my early 20s and almost losing my business and going bankrupt during the GFC in 2008 seem like nothing."

That's really not nothing

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

I just want to express my respect and admiration for everyone who has shared their story on this thread. I’m feeling too fragile to share my own stories, but I empathise with many of the stories I’m reading here, and while I’m having a rough time of my own right now, this thread brings some much needed perspective.

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By *lueDressWoman
over a year ago

Bath

I went through a really tough time in 2017. It looked like it was going to be the end of the world for Me. But, it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I got a lot of help from three people online, who met Me and helped Me out.

Lady luck was on My side.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I just want to express my respect and admiration for everyone who has shared their story on this thread. I’m feeling too fragile to share my own stories, but I empathise with many of the stories I’m reading here, and while I’m having a rough time of my own right now, this thread brings some much needed perspective. "

I second this entirely. I’m going through a big change and perspective helps. I hope you’re doing ok. Hugs for all who need/want them.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I don't tend to think of the worst that happened to me, without a trigger like this post these days.

So I'll answer how I got to this point instead. It was hard and difficult. And I fucked up more than once in the way I dealt with things. But I did my best under the circumstances I found myself in. And I think the biggest thing I had to learn was it wasn't my fault even if I was told differently. And then accept that there wasn't a perfect route from where I was to being a functional human again. And that fuck ups didn't mean I was starting from the beginning again. Abuse takes many many forms. The physical heals quickly compared to the mental abuse. But people often forget this and expect you to get over it after all this time. Healing takes time allow yourself that, think that's the biggest gift you can give yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No, not your morning glory!

What’s the toughest time you’ve been through where you had to develop or use patience or tenacity and how did you get through it?

"

Change of career in my 40s to something completely different

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By *electableicecreamMan
over a year ago

The West

I left a career behind, seperated from my fiancé and my landlord sold my family home out from under me.

I'm just lucky my friends showed up. I don't know what I would have done without the support.

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By *oneybee1001Woman
over a year ago

Around and about


"I don't know how to shorten this more, I apologise.

We'd just had kids. Then after our second daughter. She changed. They said it PND. But things just got worse and worse. A cycle of drinking, anorexia and self-harm. I used to stay up all night I was too worried something would happen if I fell asleep. I'd read a lot, I taught myself Psychology trying to work out how to help her. And philosophy trying to find a reason to keep going. I was at crisis, breaking point for I'd say 5 years. A revolving door, of booting bathroom doors in, carrying her to a&e. It's a blur of memories now, that haunt me as PTSD flashbacks. Watching them perform CPR on her, the glow of the heat blanket, crash trolleys, 3am calls because they thought she would die. One of my flashbacks, is a doctor screaming at me in A&E how I dared to allow my wife to get into such an emaciated state. And then telling him they had discharged her 24 hours ago.

Then one day, I was broken utterly spent. I just wanted to die I was so exhausted. I went to see her there'd been that many admissions, they decided they wanted to declare her terminally ill and put her in a hospice. I couldn't speak, I had nothing left in me. I got home, and my two little girls were either side of me on the bed. They were upset, asking me when I was bringing mummy home again. I don't quite know how I didn't melt down, but I calmed them and got them to sleep, like it was any other night. Then I went downstairs and I began writing a suicide note trying to work out how to apologise to them, for failing to save their mummy.

And I got a call from her gp at 10pm. He said I can block this, I can refuse. If you have any fight left in you I will do it. And I did, I got MPs involved, took on the PCT trust. Got her into an ED clinic. She got diagnosed and treated. And 2 years later my daughters had their mummy back. I became that good at fighting the system that the carers charity who helped me asked me to become an advocate for young carers. And so I did. And I volunteered with them for 7 years, until the day she died. She was fully recovered, perfectly healthy and she died out of the blue, brain aneurysm. And then I had to do it all over again, and fight for my daughter and father-in-law, through COVID to get them the help they needed."

Sending you so much love , thank you for sharing your story xx

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A


"

Your story made me cry. Internet stranger here, wishing only good things for you and your family from here on out. "

Thank you and thank you to all who have offered words of support and empathy. It is deeply appreciated.

I 'overshare'. But I am not apologising. I do it because I know what it feels like to remain silent, to be afraid to speak up. I do it because everything is statistics, but statistics don't make it real. The qualitative, the anecdotal does.

I consider myself fortunate. I may be beaten and broken, but I have two wonderful daughters. I had many beautiful years of love. All love ends in tragedy it's just when, how and who gets left carrying the can. I'd do it all again. Nothing is more worthwhile.

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By *obilebottomMan
over a year ago

All over


"

Your story made me cry. Internet stranger here, wishing only good things for you and your family from here on out.

Thank you and thank you to all who have offered words of support and empathy. It is deeply appreciated.

I 'overshare'. But I am not apologising. I do it because I know what it feels like to remain silent, to be afraid to speak up. I do it because everything is statistics, but statistics don't make it real. The qualitative, the anecdotal does.

I consider myself fortunate. I may be beaten and broken, but I have two wonderful daughters. I had many beautiful years of love. All love ends in tragedy it's just when, how and who gets left carrying the can. I'd do it all again. Nothing is more worthwhile."

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By *oltMan
over a year ago

Doncaster

Wow some absolutely heartbreaking things some of you have got/getting through. It really shows how strong mentally we can all be and that we never truly know what hardship other people are dealing with in day to day life.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

When my daughter passed away at 2 days old. I have no idea how I manged to get through it (to be honest, I don't think I ever will) That led me on the career path I'm on now which at times I have to deal with death but somehow I find it quite calming to be there in someone's final moments x

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester


"I don't know how to shorten this more, I apologise.

We'd just had kids. Then after our second daughter. She changed. They said it PND. But things just got worse and worse. A cycle of drinking, anorexia and self-harm. I used to stay up all night I was too worried something would happen if I fell asleep. I'd read a lot, I taught myself Psychology trying to work out how to help her. And philosophy trying to find a reason to keep going. I was at crisis, breaking point for I'd say 5 years. A revolving door, of booting bathroom doors in, carrying her to a&e. It's a blur of memories now, that haunt me as PTSD flashbacks. Watching them perform CPR on her, the glow of the heat blanket, crash trolleys, 3am calls because they thought she would die. One of my flashbacks, is a doctor screaming at me in A&E how I dared to allow my wife to get into such an emaciated state. And then telling him they had discharged her 24 hours ago.

Then one day, I was broken utterly spent. I just wanted to die I was so exhausted. I went to see her there'd been that many admissions, they decided they wanted to declare her terminally ill and put her in a hospice. I couldn't speak, I had nothing left in me. I got home, and my two little girls were either side of me on the bed. They were upset, asking me when I was bringing mummy home again. I don't quite know how I didn't melt down, but I calmed them and got them to sleep, like it was any other night. Then I went downstairs and I began writing a suicide note trying to work out how to apologise to them, for failing to save their mummy.

And I got a call from her gp at 10pm. He said I can block this, I can refuse. If you have any fight left in you I will do it. And I did, I got MPs involved, took on the PCT trust. Got her into an ED clinic. She got diagnosed and treated. And 2 years later my daughters had their mummy back. I became that good at fighting the system that the carers charity who helped me asked me to become an advocate for young carers. And so I did. And I volunteered with them for 7 years, until the day she died. She was fully recovered, perfectly healthy and she died out of the blue, brain aneurysm. And then I had to do it all over again, and fight for my daughter and father-in-law, through COVID to get them the help they needed."

Heartbreaking and inspirational at the same time

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By *obilebottomMan
over a year ago

All over


"When my daughter passed away at 2 days old. I have no idea how I manged to get through it (to be honest, I don't think I ever will) That led me on the career path I'm on now which at times I have to deal with death but somehow I find it quite calming to be there in someone's final moments x"

So sorry to hear and glad you can find a little bit of solace im what you do. These are not easy stuff to get over at all as you say but hope you continue to manage

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When my daughter passed away at 2 days old. I have no idea how I manged to get through it (to be honest, I don't think I ever will) That led me on the career path I'm on now which at times I have to deal with death but somehow I find it quite calming to be there in someone's final moments x"

A close family member has been through this recently. Lots of respect and positive vibes for what you’ve channeled some of that into ??

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By *ertcamembertMan
over a year ago

Reading area


"I don't know how to shorten this more, I apologise.

We'd just had kids. Then after our second daughter. She changed. They said it PND. But things just got worse and worse. A cycle of drinking, anorexia and self-harm. I used to stay up all night I was too worried something would happen if I fell asleep. I'd read a lot, I taught myself Psychology trying to work out how to help her. And philosophy trying to find a reason to keep going. I was at crisis, breaking point for I'd say 5 years. A revolving door, of booting bathroom doors in, carrying her to a&e. It's a blur of memories now, that haunt me as PTSD flashbacks. Watching them perform CPR on her, the glow of the heat blanket, crash trolleys, 3am calls because they thought she would die. One of my flashbacks, is a doctor screaming at me in A&E how I dared to allow my wife to get into such an emaciated state. And then telling him they had discharged her 24 hours ago.

Then one day, I was broken utterly spent. I just wanted to die I was so exhausted. I went to see her there'd been that many admissions, they decided they wanted to declare her terminally ill and put her in a hospice. I couldn't speak, I had nothing left in me. I got home, and my two little girls were either side of me on the bed. They were upset, asking me when I was bringing mummy home again. I don't quite know how I didn't melt down, but I calmed them and got them to sleep, like it was any other night. Then I went downstairs and I began writing a suicide note trying to work out how to apologise to them, for failing to save their mummy.

And I got a call from her gp at 10pm. He said I can block this, I can refuse. If you have any fight left in you I will do it. And I did, I got MPs involved, took on the PCT trust. Got her into an ED clinic. She got diagnosed and treated. And 2 years later my daughters had their mummy back. I became that good at fighting the system that the carers charity who helped me asked me to become an advocate for young carers. And so I did. And I volunteered with them for 7 years, until the day she died. She was fully recovered, perfectly healthy and she died out of the blue, brain aneurysm. And then I had to do it all over again, and fight for my daughter and father-in-law, through COVID to get them the help they needed."
How you have the inner strength to cope and carry on with all you have had to deal with is absolutely remarkable. No one goes through life without problems but mine are nothing by comparison to your story and the other contributors on this thread. My thoughts and best wishes to you all.

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