FabSwingers.com forum: Giving up swinging

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

This is probably more aimed at the singles.

If you were to meet your ideal partner, had discussed swinging and it was clearly evident the scene wouldn't be for them, would you or could you walk away from the scene?

For context I have been on the scene a decade when I met Penny, had a great network of swinging friends and it was a huge part of my life. I knew instantly and without doubt I would walk away from the scene to spend the rest of my life with her, thankfully she was game and jumped into the scene legs akimbo.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Um.

Probably not?

I'm happily poly. If someone wouldn't be happy with me having casual encounters with others they'd be even more unhappy with me developing other relationships, and that's just going to make both of us unhappy.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

Yes. If it's not for them

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By *ersiantugMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

I have done a couple of times. I missed it, but at the same time I didn't find it hard. pt

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

Ideal kind of goes against the concept in a way. I am being picky there I think though.

If we were head over heels in love, with each other - would I discard that for swinging. Not a chance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I wouldn’t have a serious relationship involved with swinging anyways and a girl being on here is a pretty firm red flag for me in terms of long term stuff

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up

I couldn't leave the social side. I am not 100% sure I could be monogamous.... recently gave it a go with someone but it didn't work... not sure I'm prepared to try being monogamous again.. no matter how much they were meeting my needs... as Ideally even if I didn't have other guys... I would want to have 3 sums and see them with another woman

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Personally I wouldn’t have a serious relationship involved with swinging anyways and a girl being on here is a pretty firm red flag for me in terms of long term stuff "

This is an interesting post, just to play devil's advocate and reverse the logic, would a male being on here discount him as a potential long term partner and serve as a red flag to a new potential partner?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally I wouldn’t have a serious relationship involved with swinging anyways and a girl being on here is a pretty firm red flag for me in terms of long term stuff

Not sure, that’s for others to decide. I’m not looking for a long term male partner

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Yep. I only joined here for sex in between relationships really, but I’ve discovered I’m not really a casual sex kind of gal.

Although I’m not really a relationship kind of gal either at the moment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, I'm not poly so it wouldn't be an issue for me at all

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

Yes, I'd happily go monogamous just so long as I could keep in touch with the good friends I've met thru this.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"Personally I wouldn’t have a serious relationship involved with swinging anyways and a girl being on here is a pretty firm red flag for me in terms of long term stuff

Does it matter at all if they would? He wouldn't be interested in them because they're here, and they wouldn't be interested in him because he's here.

I might think the ideology is dumb personally, but people can think what they like.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

"Personally I wouldn’t have a serious relationship involved with swinging anyways and a girl being on here is a pretty firm red flag for me in terms of long term stuff "

Talk about double standards

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally I wouldn’t have a serious relationship involved with swinging anyways and a girl being on here is a pretty firm red flag for me in terms of long term stuff

Talk about double standards

You know what they say, my life, my rules

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

I have done previously and hated it. Not because of not having sex with other but about missing the social side of swinging.

Could I do it again? Who knows?

I’m not looking for another vanilla relationship again so tbh any kink based one I had in the future would have set and clear boundaries.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Same as you OP.

I used to think no I was always going to be poly but I think for the right one yes , in an instant, but they are so rare and you don’t look for them. If you are looking you will find them anywhere and be in and out of normal relationships not poly for years.

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up

"Personally I wouldn’t have a serious relationship involved with swinging anyways and a girl being on here is a pretty firm red flag for me in terms of long term stuff

Talk about double standards

You know what they say, my life, my rules

"
it is but its very double standards.. had it recently directed at me. Someone that I knew gave me grief for being on a site... he saw me on there has he had been looking and I came up local. Hypocrisy was what he got told it was

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally I wouldn’t have a serious relationship involved with swinging anyways and a girl being on here is a pretty firm red flag for me in terms of long term stuff

Talk about double standards

You know what they say, my life, my rules

it is but its very double standards.. had it recently directed at me. Someone that I knew gave me grief for being on a site... he saw me on there has he had been looking and I came up local. Hypocrisy was what he got told it was "

Personally I don’t think it’s a double standard

Short women like tall guys, but they aren’t tall themselves, double standard or just a preference? Skinny guys wanting curvy women, double standard or preference?

I don’t want a woman that’s interested in swinging, just a preference. Wouldn’t want a woman that’s mad about football either

Better to just look for what you want. Than worry about what other people (that you’d never meet anyways) are looking for

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up

"Personally I wouldn’t have a serious relationship involved with swinging anyways and a girl being on here is a pretty firm red flag for me in terms of long term stuff

Talk about double standards

You know what they say, my life, my rules

Personally I don’t think it’s a double standard

Short women like tall guys, but they aren’t tall themselves, double standard or just a preference? Skinny guys wanting curvy women, double standard or preference?

I don’t want a woman that’s interested in swinging, just a preference. Wouldn’t want a woman that’s mad about football either

Better to just look for what you want. Than worry about what other people (that you’d never meet anyways) are looking for "
for me it's your attitude towards the women that are on here... I wouldn't want to have sex with someone that saw me as less of a woman for being on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally I wouldn’t have a serious relationship involved with swinging anyways and a girl being on here is a pretty firm red flag for me in terms of long term stuff

Talk about double standards

You know what they say, my life, my rules

Personally I don’t think it’s a double standard

Short women like tall guys, but they aren’t tall themselves, double standard or just a preference? Skinny guys wanting curvy women, double standard or preference?

I don’t want a woman that’s interested in swinging, just a preference. Wouldn’t want a woman that’s mad about football either

Better to just look for what you want. Than worry about what other people (that you’d never meet anyways) are looking for for me it's your attitude towards the women that are on here... I wouldn't want to have sex with someone that saw me as less of a woman for being on here"

Absolutely don’t blame you for that either, you go girl

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

I'm not really sure to be honest as it's not just the swinging that brings me here. I love the social side and have made friends so I would never be completely gone.

I would possibly change the way I use the site for them and be open and honest about who I talk to etc. But I don't think I'd leave.

If I'm given the choice as an ultimatum then that would instantly tell me they are not the right person for me

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

"Personally I wouldn’t have a serious relationship involved with swinging anyways and a girl being on here is a pretty firm red flag for me in terms of long term stuff "

Is it a red flag you being on here?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally I wouldn’t have a serious relationship involved with swinging anyways and a girl being on here is a pretty firm red flag for me in terms of long term stuff

Is it a red flag you being on here? "

Why are you asking me? Everyone’s entitled to have whatever red flags and preferences they want. If someone thinks me being on here is a red flag then that’s up to them

Why would I decide what is and isn’t a red flag for someone else?

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Talking about ENM in general...

Swinging? Easily. I'm not really a swinger. Too demi for NSA. Being poly, as in potentially having relationships with others? No.

I've found that there are people who are "swingers/poly" who are only that way until they meet a person they want to focus on and have a monogamous relationship. Poly, as in, they'll happily fuck around but actively avoid feelings until they're in a monogamous relationship with another person. Swingers as in, they'll happily have casual sex with lots of people but are monogamous. Will happily leave swinging behind when they meet the right person.

Both examples are people just wanting to get their slut on but uncomfortable with saying that quite oft. And that's fine. Everyone is different.

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By *ove to exploreMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

[Removed by poster at 12/10/23 19:52:49]

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By *ove to exploreMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

The question is an oxymoron. If you have to give up swinging to be with them, it’s impossible for them to be your ‘ideal’ partner. To be your ‘ideal’ partner they’d need to enjoy swinging with you

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By *mokes n MirrorsCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth and Newcastle (sometimes)

"Personally I wouldn’t have a serious relationship involved with swinging anyways and a girl being on here is a pretty firm red flag for me in terms of long term stuff "

And that is the sort of comment that differentiates swingers from shaggers and lands folks straight onto the blocked list.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally I wouldn’t have a serious relationship involved with swinging anyways and a girl being on here is a pretty firm red flag for me in terms of long term stuff "

Unfortunately this kind of sexist attitude is common on here

Men want casual sex but look down on the women they have casual sex with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally I wouldn’t have a serious relationship involved with swinging anyways and a girl being on here is a pretty firm red flag for me in terms of long term stuff

And that is the sort of comment that differentiates swingers from shaggers and lands folks straight onto the blocked list.

Devastated, truly devastated that someone that wouldn’t meet me anyways has confirmed they still wouldn’t. I’ll sleep badly tonight

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally I wouldn’t have a serious relationship involved with swinging anyways and a girl being on here is a pretty firm red flag for me in terms of long term stuff

Unfortunately this kind of sexist attitude is common on here

Men want casual sex but look down on the women they have casual sex with "

I’m not having casual sex. Only loving, meaningful sex, with the lights off

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By *ycanNightsMan
over a year ago

Workington

Nope.

I don't necessarily need to be actively on the "scene" but I wouldn't want the potential to closed to me.

Also any ultimatum to stop would mean they definitely weren't my perfect partner.

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By *ove to exploreMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Personally I wouldn’t have a serious relationship involved with swinging anyways and a girl being on here is a pretty firm red flag for me in terms of long term stuff

Unfortunately this kind of sexist attitude is common on here

Men want casual sex but look down on the women they have casual sex with "

^^^This^^^

Men: “why aren’t there more women on FAB”

Also Men: “if you’re a women on FAB you’re a SL#¥”

If you do that and ignore the wider ramifications, so just view it purely selfishly, you’re your own worst enemy

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

Fortunately I have never had to make that choice. I was open about it since we first met, before there was any thought of us getting together. She understood that's what I was looking for and has been open to it.

Would I give it all up for her? Yes, without question. Luke

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is probably more aimed at the singles.

If you were to meet your ideal partner, had discussed swinging and it was clearly evident the scene wouldn't be for them, would you or could you walk away from the scene?

They wouldn't be my ideal person if they didn't have the same interest in sex as me.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I only joined to find intimacy I hadn't got from my partner.

I don't need to be a slut to be happy; one man who gives me everything will do.

Let's be honest though, no man from the wild would want a slut like me for a wife.

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By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago

London

"This is probably more aimed at the singles.

If you were to meet your ideal partner, had discussed swinging and it was clearly evident the scene wouldn't be for them, would you or could you walk away from the scene?

God bless Penny

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By *otwifecplCouple
over a year ago

bham

When we started dating, I told her about my fantasy of having a hotwife. For me personally it is something I'd look for in a partner. We have a solid happy relationship and it cements it everytime i "reclaim" so to speak.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I give up swinging everytime I'm in a relationship.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

No. If anyone showed up who had any aspirations of being my perfect ideal partner, I'd remove them from my life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is probably more aimed at the singles.

If you were to meet your ideal partner, had discussed swinging and it was clearly evident the scene wouldn't be for them, would you or could you walk away from the scene?

Yes I would. I have had two swinging relationships.

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By *lleyCat1969Man
over a year ago

Folkestone

"Personally I wouldn’t have a serious relationship involved with swinging anyways and a girl being on here is a pretty firm red flag for me in terms of long term stuff "

What is the connection between someone being on here and being unsuitable for a long term relationship? I don't see it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally I wouldn’t have a serious relationship involved with swinging anyways and a girl being on here is a pretty firm red flag for me in terms of long term stuff

Unfortunately this kind of sexist attitude is common on here

Men want casual sex but look down on the women they have casual sex with "

Can't believe I am defending him - but is he looking down on women? Because I've seen women say the same precise thing about men. They wouldn't date a guy from Fab. Are they looking down on the men they sleep with? Or are people choosing a different pool to date from? Because they see Fab users as having different values when it comes to sex. Just an alternative interpretation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally, I've always said that I was never looking for anything serious from Fab and if I were to ever enter a vanilla relationship that I thought would last, I could happily and easily leave this place behind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not a swinger tbh. So giving up swinging is fine.

Giving up Fab forums - NEVER!

Giving up being slutty - also NEVER!

Giving up being non-monogamous - I'd do it for

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Personally I wouldn’t have a serious relationship involved with swinging anyways and a girl being on here is a pretty firm red flag for me in terms of long term stuff "

That’s fair enough I’m the same but I’m not a swinger. No way I’d get in a relationship with someone who swings. It’s not for me either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally I wouldn’t have a serious relationship involved with swinging anyways and a girl being on here is a pretty firm red flag for me in terms of long term stuff

What is the connection between someone being on here and being unsuitable for a long term relationship? I don't see it."

Why would you see it if you don’t believe it?

Do whatever you want

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By *lueDressWoman
over a year ago

Bath

I've known quite a few people who have given up swinging because they found everything they wanted. I don't actually "swing" I just meet at parties and clubs for bondage domination sadomasochism.

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