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"I don't need to know what your kink is, but I'm interested in whether it's something you can live without? If you're single and you found a non-kinky partner or if your current partner(s) opted out. Is kink extra sprinkles or is it part of you?" Kink? I loved my wife (woman) and could easily give up all those beautiful young men for her. I discovered that I was one of those serial monogamous types which surprised me a little. | |||
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"Depends on your definition of "kink"... LvM" No, it's your definition that matters here, I think. Your kink that's important to you. If you see what I mean? | |||
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"Depends on your definition of "kink"... LvM No, it's your definition that matters here, I think. Your kink that's important to you. If you see what I mean? " Oh well in that case, I'm not kinky so doesn't matter 
LvM | |||
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"Depends on your definition of "kink"... LvM No, it's your definition that matters here, I think. Your kink that's important to you. If you see what I mean? Oh well in that case, I'm not kinky so doesn't matter
LvM"I feel like Steve would have a good phrase right about now, but I can't even....  | |||
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"No I could not, most of my kinks I could do without relatively easily. But one of them I would struggle without as I use it as my reset button. " Your reset button? Oh that's a good way of wording it. It's been quite a while for me, but one of my kinks left me in a zen state for ages afterwards. I miss that feeling. | |||
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"No I could not, most of my kinks I could do without relatively easily. But one of them I would struggle without as I use it as my reset button. Your reset button? Oh that's a good way of wording it. It's been quite a while for me, but one of my kinks left me in a zen state for ages afterwards. I miss that feeling. " I get peace from my overactive brain with one of mine. Which I need to function as a relatively normal person | |||
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"Wouldn't opt to ever be monogamous so not sure I'd ever give up kink long term." I think I'd be happy with a non-kinky partner if I still got it on the side! But I'd prefer kink to be part of my primary relationship ideally. Would it not bother you? | |||
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"Absolutely If you can’t leave “kink”, whatever that means’ behind for true love then you need to find Jesus " Or you practice your kink with your other half. Who says you have to choose? | |||
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"Absolutely If you can’t leave “kink”, whatever that means’ behind for true love then you need to find Jesus Or you practice your kink with your other half. Who says you have to choose? " My mistake I thought the question was if the other half wasn’t into that kink It’s a hard question because I’m not sure what kink even means | |||
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"The kinks I have a very dependant on having a compatible partner for them. I'd rather live without them than do them with someone who wasn't into it or someone that I wasn't into "I've tried doing it with someone said they were ok with it (but weren't) you're right, it's not worth it! | |||
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"Absolutely If you can’t leave “kink”, whatever that means’ behind for true love then you need to find Jesus " Is he gonna help with the kink? | |||
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"Wouldn't opt to ever be monogamous so not sure I'd ever give up kink long term. I think I'd be happy with a non-kinky partner if I still got it on the side! But I'd prefer kink to be part of my primary relationship ideally. Would it not bother you? " It's a kind of being there thing. Somethings become less important. | |||
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"No I could not, most of my kinks I could do without relatively easily. But one of them I would struggle without as I use it as my reset button. Your reset button? Oh that's a good way of wording it. It's been quite a while for me, but one of my kinks left me in a zen state for ages afterwards. I miss that feeling. I get peace from my overactive brain with one of mine. Which I need to function as a relatively normal person "Envious!! My brain never stops. It's exhausting. | |||
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"Absolutely If you can’t leave “kink”, whatever that means’ behind for true love then you need to find Jesus Is he gonna help with the kink? " He was a carpenter and they have very strong hands and are good with tools so maybe | |||
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"Absolutely If you can’t leave “kink”, whatever that means’ behind for true love then you need to find Jesus Or you practice your kink with your other half. Who says you have to choose? My mistake I thought the question was if the other half wasn’t into that kink It’s a hard question because I’m not sure what kink even means" It was, you weren't wrong. But I do think kinksters tend to find true love with each other often as they have similar ideas and mindsets. I think sexual compatibility is important to a relationship and I view kink in a similar vein. | |||
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"The kinks I have a very dependant on having a compatible partner for them. I'd rather live without them than do them with someone who wasn't into it or someone that I wasn't into
I've tried doing it with someone said they were ok with it (but weren't) you're right, it's not worth it!"If its not a fuck yes, then it's a fuck no. And that's to their enthusiasm as well. Everything in that vein should be mutual and enthusiastic, or what's the point? | |||
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"Nope. It's part of me. In fact, it feels like the truest version of me, if that makes sense. Mrs TMN x" Oh yes, that makes sense to me! I felt I'd come home when I first discovered that side of me. | |||
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"No I could not, most of my kinks I could do without relatively easily. But one of them I would struggle without as I use it as my reset button. Your reset button? Oh that's a good way of wording it. It's been quite a while for me, but one of my kinks left me in a zen state for ages afterwards. I miss that feeling. I get peace from my overactive brain with one of mine. Which I need to function as a relatively normal person
Envious!! My brain never stops. It's exhausting. "I have to drop into subspace heavily for it happen, but it does. And it's a bloody blessing | |||
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"Absolutely If you can’t leave “kink”, whatever that means’ behind for true love then you need to find Jesus Or you practice your kink with your other half. Who says you have to choose? My mistake I thought the question was if the other half wasn’t into that kink It’s a hard question because I’m not sure what kink even means It was, you weren't wrong. But I do think kinksters tend to find true love with each other often as they have similar ideas and mindsets. I think sexual compatibility is important to a relationship and I view kink in a similar vein. " I don't view kink as separate from sexual compatibility really. | |||
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So no. I wouldn’t now OP | |||
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"Absolutely If you can’t leave “kink”, whatever that means’ behind for true love then you need to find Jesus Is he gonna help with the kink? He was a carpenter and they have very strong hands and are good with tools so maybe " . Praise Jesus! | |||
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"Nope. It's part of me. In fact, it feels like the truest version of me, if that makes sense. Mrs TMN x Oh yes, that makes sense to me! I felt I'd come home when I first discovered that side of me. " Absolutely. Unlocking parts of me I didn't even know were there. | |||
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"Absolutely If you can’t leave “kink”, whatever that means’ behind for true love then you need to find Jesus Or you practice your kink with your other half. Who says you have to choose? My mistake I thought the question was if the other half wasn’t into that kink It’s a hard question because I’m not sure what kink even means It was, you weren't wrong. But I do think kinksters tend to find true love with each other often as they have similar ideas and mindsets. I think sexual compatibility is important to a relationship and I view kink in a similar vein. " I guess that’s what I’m struggling with the question. Because is it “would you be with someone your not sexually compatible with” and I think 99% of people would comfortably say no However I think lots of people would give up certain kinks if the love of their life wasn’t into it | |||
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"Absolutely If you can’t leave “kink”, whatever that means’ behind for true love then you need to find Jesus Or you practice your kink with your other half. Who says you have to choose? My mistake I thought the question was if the other half wasn’t into that kink It’s a hard question because I’m not sure what kink even means It was, you weren't wrong. But I do think kinksters tend to find true love with each other often as they have similar ideas and mindsets. I think sexual compatibility is important to a relationship and I view kink in a similar vein. I don't view kink as separate from sexual compatibility really. " For me they often interlink, but they can be separate things. Kink isn't always sexual for me. But they are both hardwired into me and are just inherently me. | |||
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"Absolutely If you can’t leave “kink”, whatever that means’ behind for true love then you need to find Jesus Or you practice your kink with your other half. Who says you have to choose? My mistake I thought the question was if the other half wasn’t into that kink It’s a hard question because I’m not sure what kink even means" I get that. I have no kinks(!) I'm fairly vanilla. I love everything about bodies and I want to lick, kiss, touch, fuck and be fucked, every bit of them. Happy to use toys or tie...but that is not kinky, just ordinary. I might as well tell the truth, I have no time for the pain, poo, piss, or shame, crowd. Now that is kinky in my eyes. | |||
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"Absolutely If you can’t leave “kink”, whatever that means’ behind for true love then you need to find Jesus Or you practice your kink with your other half. Who says you have to choose? My mistake I thought the question was if the other half wasn’t into that kink It’s a hard question because I’m not sure what kink even means It was, you weren't wrong. But I do think kinksters tend to find true love with each other often as they have similar ideas and mindsets. I think sexual compatibility is important to a relationship and I view kink in a similar vein. I don't view kink as separate from sexual compatibility really. For me they often interlink, but they can be separate things. Kink isn't always sexual for me. But they are both hardwired into me and are just inherently me. " That last sentence - yes, yes, yes! | |||
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"Absolutely If you can’t leave “kink”, whatever that means’ behind for true love then you need to find Jesus Or you practice your kink with your other half. Who says you have to choose? My mistake I thought the question was if the other half wasn’t into that kink It’s a hard question because I’m not sure what kink even means It was, you weren't wrong. But I do think kinksters tend to find true love with each other often as they have similar ideas and mindsets. I think sexual compatibility is important to a relationship and I view kink in a similar vein. I guess that’s what I’m struggling with the question. Because is it “would you be with someone your not sexually compatible with” and I think 99% of people would comfortably say no However I think lots of people would give up certain kinks if the love of their life wasn’t into it" But sexual compatibility for some people includes their kink. The love of my life gave me up because he couldn't deal with my kink and although I compromised hugely, I couldn't change who I was. | |||
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"Absolutely If you can’t leave “kink”, whatever that means’ behind for true love then you need to find Jesus Or you practice your kink with your other half. Who says you have to choose? My mistake I thought the question was if the other half wasn’t into that kink It’s a hard question because I’m not sure what kink even means I get that. I have no kinks(!) I'm fairly vanilla. I love everything about bodies and I want to lick, kiss, touch, fuck and be fucked, every bit of them. Happy to use toys or tie...but that is not kinky, just ordinary. I might as well tell the truth, I have no time for the pain, poo, piss, or shame, crowd. Now that is kinky in my eyes. " The older I get the more I find sed revolves less around a tick sheet of “ kinks” I need to perform with a woman And instead it’s focused on the connection and love I have for that person in our day to day that brings up closer, which then drives passionate and intimate sex I’ve had some very “ kinky” sex with women that’s left me feeling physically satisfied but nothing else And I’ve had 2 years of extremely vanilla sex that left me satisfied physically, emotionally and even spirally. Holding hands and walking the dog was more fulfilling that even the “kinkiest” sex from people I didn’t have that connection with | |||
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"Absolutely If you can’t leave “kink”, whatever that means’ behind for true love then you need to find Jesus Or you practice your kink with your other half. Who says you have to choose? My mistake I thought the question was if the other half wasn’t into that kink It’s a hard question because I’m not sure what kink even means It was, you weren't wrong. But I do think kinksters tend to find true love with each other often as they have similar ideas and mindsets. I think sexual compatibility is important to a relationship and I view kink in a similar vein. I guess that’s what I’m struggling with the question. Because is it “would you be with someone your not sexually compatible with” and I think 99% of people would comfortably say no However I think lots of people would give up certain kinks if the love of their life wasn’t into it" I couldn't and wouldn't, my sexual and kink sides are part of what make me me. Kink isn't something I do occasionally to spice things up. It's as big a part of me as my sexual side, if not bigger | |||
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" I get that. I have no kinks(!) I'm fairly vanilla. I love everything about bodies and I want to lick, kiss, touch, fuck and be fucked, every bit of them. Happy to use toys or tie...but that is not kinky, just ordinary. I might as well tell the truth, I have no time for the pain, poo, piss, or shame, crowd. Now that is kinky in my eyes. " Kink is a considerably wider spectrum than pain/poo/piss or shame. And many people consider tying someone up as kinky. It may be ordinary for you. For some, it's a lifestyle. | |||
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"Absolutely If you can’t leave “kink”, whatever that means’ behind for true love then you need to find Jesus Or you practice your kink with your other half. Who says you have to choose? My mistake I thought the question was if the other half wasn’t into that kink It’s a hard question because I’m not sure what kink even means It was, you weren't wrong. But I do think kinksters tend to find true love with each other often as they have similar ideas and mindsets. I think sexual compatibility is important to a relationship and I view kink in a similar vein. I guess that’s what I’m struggling with the question. Because is it “would you be with someone your not sexually compatible with” and I think 99% of people would comfortably say no However I think lots of people would give up certain kinks if the love of their life wasn’t into it I couldn't and wouldn't, my sexual and kink sides are part of what make me me. Kink isn't something I do occasionally to spice things up. It's as big a part of me as my sexual side, if not bigger " That’s interesting because it’s just not something I can relate to, but it’s important you know that and understand it and get what you need in whatever relationship your looking for | |||
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"I'm asking this of myself quite a lot these days.. Could I still be with someone who is really vanilla? I don't need someone who will 'swing', but I think I may now actually need someone who is at least a little kinky and broad-minded too. It's what I tend to go for anyway, but what if I find someone really straight? pt" I often wonder (and this isn’t directed directly at you but it’s just I’ve noticed your profile is a bit extra spicey in kink for a fella) but how can someone who likes extra spicey kink really be happy with vanilla? It’s a bit like the excitement equivalent of driving a Ferrari and then being told you have to bin that and drive a reliant Robin. I mean yeah it’s safer but it’s a lot more boring! | |||
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"I'm asking this of myself quite a lot these days.. Could I still be with someone who is really vanilla? I don't need someone who will 'swing', but I think I may now actually need someone who is at least a little kinky and broad-minded too. It's what I tend to go for anyway, but what if I find someone really straight? pt" But you're free to establish your boundaries of what you need from a relationship? | |||
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"I'm asking this of myself quite a lot these days.. Could I still be with someone who is really vanilla? I don't need someone who will 'swing', but I think I may now actually need someone who is at least a little kinky and broad-minded too. It's what I tend to go for anyway, but what if I find someone really straight? pt I often wonder (and this isn’t directed directly at you but it’s just I’ve noticed your profile is a bit extra spicey in kink for a fella) but how can someone who likes extra spicey kink really be happy with vanilla? It’s a bit like the excitement equivalent of driving a Ferrari and then being told you have to bin that and drive a reliant Robin. I mean yeah it’s safer but it’s a lot more boring! " . This is true but I'm not sure it's even the excitement! I do like meeting strange new people for example, but I can let that go for the right woman. I just find that my sexual tolerance( ?) is so high now that I often struggle to cum during standard missionary sex. I need a bunch of other things to happen, and I love the idea someone else is into all that too (whether I'm actively sharing it or not). It's years of edging, spanking and teste/nipple play I can't deny. pt | |||
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"When we started swinging we both agreed that if either of us ever wanted to stop then we both would. And as my marriage is more important and we are both still very much in love so I'd drop it in a heartbeat. The only thing I'd struggle with is giving up coming on the forum and winding people up. not that I've ever done that or ever would "Sure sure, I believe you! (about the winding up!) | |||
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"I don't need to know what your kink is, but I'm interested in whether it's something you can live without? If you're single and you found a non-kinky partner or if your current partner(s) opted out. Is kink extra sprinkles or is it part of you?" Current partner opted out CLP years ago due to I'll health we are still together happily and enjoy our vanilla times .covid fucked up meets with others I have two other sub's I rarely see now due work family comitments if that doesn't change and I don't take on another sub .I'll retire from bdsm at the end of 2024.so obviously I can live without it but prefer not to until the time come hang up my boots.then just stick with tantric and vanilla . | |||
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"I'm asking this of myself quite a lot these days.. Could I still be with someone who is really vanilla? I don't need someone who will 'swing', but I think I may now actually need someone who is at least a little kinky and broad-minded too. It's what I tend to go for anyway, but what if I find someone really straight? pt But you're free to establish your boundaries of what you need from a relationship? " . Sure, but in terms of relationships (ie just meeting people in a natural way) I find that I go for the mind and personality and partly the 'look' and I always did... despite so many of my partners being a bit/lot kinky too (I'm sure that's mainly just because they are a bit unconventional anyway... I think most people could have kinks if they wanted them or were more open to them). The question is.. if I fall for someone really straight, will vanilla sex and the personality etc be enough, or will I now feel 'tempted' to look elsewhere for a needed sense of deeper sexual fulfilment? If someone isn't into me doing that I don't want to be even tempted you see. I can easily swing if a partner wanted me to, but actually I'm quite monogamous by nature. I just want a decent relationship with decent sex. And who doesn't want that? pt | |||
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"I would give up other men if I found one that perfectly matched my kinks. " I've often thought about whether I would. I think so, but I'd prefer to remain non-monogamous tbh. | |||
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"Just spent 4 years without. I did try to introduce it but he wasn’t interested. I did miss it but that was ok, for much of the relationship there was enough good that it didn’t matter. " And are you dying to get some now??!  | |||
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"My kinks, my kinky side, it's part of me exactly as my brain, arms, legs, eyes, bum and pussy. I might decide to take a break from practice them, for any reason, but it's not something I advise to do for love or to please someone else. It ends horrendously in my experience "I'm inclined to agree if kink is that important for someone. I guess I was interested to see how many people felt the same way (it's part of me too). | |||
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"There are some things I don't really deem as kinks as they are a part of who I am but I know others do. I would not give up those. I could easily do without certain bits though if they we not comfortable though. " I differentiate between "kinks" and "MY kink" in my head - similar to what you're saying? A difference between an activity (like spanking for example) and being submissive (which for many people is part of them). | |||
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"I don't need to know what your kink is, but I'm interested in whether it's something you can live without? If you're single and you found a non-kinky partner or if your current partner(s) opted out. Is kink extra sprinkles or is it part of you?" Surely you want to be in a relationship where you are loved and accepted for who you are, every part of you? Our sexual desires are part of us, just the same as other aspects of our personality, values and beliefs. Do we not wish to share every aspect of who we are with the one we love? And even if they don't share all our desire do we not wish to be with someone who at the very least who accepts our desires and support us for who we are, the true us, as we do them? Mr | |||
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"Just spent 4 years without. I did try to introduce it but he wasn’t interested. I did miss it but that was ok, for much of the relationship there was enough good that it didn’t matter. And are you dying to get some now??! "Yes one session of spanking was good - but I want so much more | |||
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"Wouldn't opt to ever be monogamous so not sure I'd ever give up kink long term. I think I'd be happy with a non-kinky partner if I still got it on the side! But I'd prefer kink to be part of my primary relationship ideally. Would it not bother you? " I think it'd be hard if my primary partner wasn't into it at all but then it's also about loving and respecting them regardless. All relationships are give and take and balance. | |||
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"I'm asking this of myself quite a lot these days.. Could I still be with someone who is really vanilla? I don't need someone who will 'swing', but I think I may now actually need someone who is at least a little kinky and broad-minded too. It's what I tend to go for anyway, but what if I find someone really straight? pt But you're free to establish your boundaries of what you need from a relationship? . Sure, but in terms of relationships (ie just meeting people in a natural way) I find that I go for the mind and personality and partly the 'look' and I always did... despite so many of my partners being a bit/lot kinky too (I'm sure that's mainly just because they are a bit unconventional anyway... I think most people could have kinks if they wanted them or were more open to them). The question is.. if I fall for someone really straight, will vanilla sex and the personality etc be enough, or will I now feel 'tempted' to look elsewhere for a needed sense of deeper sexual fulfilment? If someone isn't into me doing that I don't want to be even tempted you see. I can easily swing if a partner wanted me to, but actually I'm quite monogamous by nature. I just want a decent relationship with decent sex. And who doesn't want that? pt" Only you can know what you need for yourself. But surely "deeper sexual fulfilment" is kinda essential for a long lasting and satisfying relationship? | |||
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"I don't need to know what your kink is, but I'm interested in whether it's something you can live without? If you're single and you found a non-kinky partner or if your current partner(s) opted out. Is kink extra sprinkles or is it part of you?" It's part of the fundamental makeup of who I am. I am more than mature enough to be flexible and accommodating but to do without would just end up making me and a possible partner unhappy! | |||
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"I did give it up… to be in a totally vanilla marriage. What a mistaka to maka…
So no. I wouldn’t now OP "I'm glad you're out and kinky again!  | |||
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"I'm asking this of myself quite a lot these days.. Could I still be with someone who is really vanilla? I don't need someone who will 'swing', but I think I may now actually need someone who is at least a little kinky and broad-minded too. It's what I tend to go for anyway, but what if I find someone really straight? pt But you're free to establish your boundaries of what you need from a relationship? . Sure, but in terms of relationships (ie just meeting people in a natural way) I find that I go for the mind and personality and partly the 'look' and I always did... despite so many of my partners being a bit/lot kinky too (I'm sure that's mainly just because they are a bit unconventional anyway... I think most people could have kinks if they wanted them or were more open to them). The question is.. if I fall for someone really straight, will vanilla sex and the personality etc be enough, or will I now feel 'tempted' to look elsewhere for a needed sense of deeper sexual fulfilment? If someone isn't into me doing that I don't want to be even tempted you see. I can easily swing if a partner wanted me to, but actually I'm quite monogamous by nature. I just want a decent relationship with decent sex. And who doesn't want that? pt Only you can know what you need for yourself. But surely "deeper sexual fulfilment" is kinda essential for a long lasting and satisfying relationship? " . I mean 'deeper' per the depth of my kinks, ie I've got so accustomed now to so much more than vanilla - rather than just deep in the general sense. I'd like all my proper relationships to have some kind of depth to them, across the board really. pt | |||
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"I think it's extra sprinkles for me. Actually, I'd still like some sprinkles. But I'm poly. So... I wouldn't have to give it up if that makes sense? I'm not poly (shagging around until the right person comes along) type of poly. I can't put on my monogamy hat for this one. It's dusty from a good decade of not wearing it. "It's a damn good reason to be poly, Meli | |||
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"I'm unable to get my head around the fact that a specific kink would take pre_edence over all other aspects of a relationship " That would be because not a single person has said that in the thread  | |||
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"I'm unable to get my head around the fact that a specific kink would take pre_edence over all other aspects of a relationship " Not sure I quite follow. I have plenty of singular kink aspects I'd forgo at making a relationship successful. However that isn't what op asked. | |||
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"I need a rich and satisfying sex life so i don't think I could be with a 100% vanilla guy." So for you, kink has to be present to make sex rich and satisfying? For me too, but I can also appreciate that for most people - kink isn't needed for sex to be great. I actually find it pretty frustrating that I NEED kink more than sex because it makes it a damn sight harder to find a partner/s! | |||
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"I'm unable to get my head around the fact that a specific kink would take pre_edence over all other aspects of a relationship Not sure I quite follow. I have plenty of singular kink aspects I'd forgo at making a relationship successful. However that isn't what op asked. " No, it isn't. I suspect she knows that full well too. | |||
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"Just spent 4 years without. I did try to introduce it but he wasn’t interested. I did miss it but that was ok, for much of the relationship there was enough good that it didn’t matter. And are you dying to get some now??!
Yes one session of spanking was good - but I want so much more "Wishing you luck in finding it! | |||
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"I'm unable to get my head around the fact that a specific kink would take pre_edence over all other aspects of a relationship Not sure I quite follow. I have plenty of singular kink aspects I'd forgo at making a relationship successful. However that isn't what op asked. No, it isn't. I suspect she knows that full well too. " To be fair, the question leaves a lot for interpretation because “kink” could refer to one kink, kink in general or swinging as a kink | |||
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"[Removed my kink at 12/10/23 18:35:28]" | |||
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"I don't need to know what your kink is, but I'm interested in whether it's something you can live without? If you're single and you found a non-kinky partner or if your current partner(s) opted out. Is kink extra sprinkles or is it part of you?" I didn't know I have a link but yes. Because if your partner is not in to it then you have to give it up. | |||
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"I'm unable to get my head around the fact that a specific kink would take pre_edence over all other aspects of a relationship Not sure I quite follow. I have plenty of singular kink aspects I'd forgo at making a relationship successful. However that isn't what op asked. No, it isn't. I suspect she knows that full well too. To be fair, the question leaves a lot for interpretation because “kink” could refer to one kink, kink in general or swinging as a kink " Well to be fair only that person has negatively responded that way to my question and as I have blocked her - I wish she would leave my threads alone. | |||
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"[Removed my kink at 12/10/23 18:35:28]" Wait.... What? | |||
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"I'm unable to get my head around the fact that a specific kink would take pre_edence over all other aspects of a relationship Not sure I quite follow. I have plenty of singular kink aspects I'd forgo at making a relationship successful. However that isn't what op asked. No, it isn't. I suspect she knows that full well too. To be fair, the question leaves a lot for interpretation because “kink” could refer to one kink, kink in general or swinging as a kink Well to be fair only that person has negatively responded that way to my question and as I have blocked her - I wish she would leave my threads alone. " I don’t realise the pettiness and cattiness of the fab forums ran so deep. Carry on  | |||
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"I don't need to know what your kink is, but I'm interested in whether it's something you can live without? If you're single and you found a non-kinky partner or if your current partner(s) opted out. Is kink extra sprinkles or is it part of you? It's part of the fundamental makeup of who I am. I am more than mature enough to be flexible and accommodating but to do without would just end up making me and a possible partner unhappy!" I've come to realise that is the case for me too. And that fundamental mismatch can be quite heartbreaking - I've spoken to so many people where that was the case. | |||
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"I don't need to know what your kink is, but I'm interested in whether it's something you can live without? If you're single and you found a non-kinky partner or if your current partner(s) opted out. Is kink extra sprinkles or is it part of you? It's part of the fundamental makeup of who I am. I am more than mature enough to be flexible and accommodating but to do without would just end up making me and a possible partner unhappy! I've come to realise that is the case for me too. And that fundamental mismatch can be quite heartbreaking - I've spoken to so many people where that was the case. " Ive seen this too, where people have surpressed their need for a partners sake. But it all re-surfaces almost stronger than ever, and ultimately ends unhappily  | |||
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"My kink tends to evolve with partners vicariously and mutually. Patterns have emerged though. I can't often arbitrarily just put anyone into 'my kink' if that makes sense. It has to feel real and shared." It does make sense. The kink dynamic evolves each time. But...for you, does there need to be a kink dynamic within the primary relationship? | |||
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"I'm unable to get my head around the fact that a specific kink would take pre_edence over all other aspects of a relationship Not sure I quite follow. I have plenty of singular kink aspects I'd forgo at making a relationship successful. However that isn't what op asked. No, it isn't. I suspect she knows that full well too. To be fair, the question leaves a lot for interpretation because “kink” could refer to one kink, kink in general or swinging as a kink Well to be fair only that person has negatively responded that way to my question and as I have blocked her - I wish she would leave my threads alone. " . Blocking someone doesn't mean they're not allowed to post on a thread you start. My comment was in relation to the very first line of the op. We don't all have to think the same way about things | |||
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" The older I get the more I find sed revolves less around a tick sheet of “ kinks” I need to perform with a woman And instead it’s focused on the connection and love I have for that person in our day to day that brings up closer, which then drives passionate and intimate sex I’ve had some very “ kinky” sex with women that’s left me feeling physically satisfied but nothing else And I’ve had 2 years of extremely vanilla sex that left me satisfied physically, emotionally and even spirally. Holding hands and walking the dog was more fulfilling that even the “kinkiest” sex from people I didn’t have that connection with " I wonder how many people do see "kink" as a tick sheet of activities. Even on kink sites, I find men approach me that way. But to me - that approach isn't what kink is about at all. It's added sprinkles, so I can see why it's not such a big deal to give up. | |||
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"I'm unable to get my head around the fact that a specific kink would take pre_edence over all other aspects of a relationship Not sure I quite follow. I have plenty of singular kink aspects I'd forgo at making a relationship successful. However that isn't what op asked. No, it isn't. I suspect she knows that full well too. To be fair, the question leaves a lot for interpretation because “kink” could refer to one kink, kink in general or swinging as a kink Well to be fair only that person has negatively responded that way to my question and as I have blocked her - I wish she would leave my threads alone. . Blocking someone doesn't mean they're not allowed to post on a thread you start. My comment was in relation to the very first line of the op. We don't all have to think the same way about things " I'm asking you to not engage with me because you've been deliberately provocative over and over again in the forum towards me and I'm tired of it. | |||
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"I don't need to know what your kink is, but I'm interested in whether it's something you can live without? If you're single and you found a non-kinky partner or if your current partner(s) opted out. Is kink extra sprinkles or is it part of you? It's part of the fundamental makeup of who I am. I am more than mature enough to be flexible and accommodating but to do without would just end up making me and a possible partner unhappy! I've come to realise that is the case for me too. And that fundamental mismatch can be quite heartbreaking - I've spoken to so many people where that was the case. Ive seen this too, where people have surpressed their need for a partners sake. But it all re-surfaces almost stronger than ever, and ultimately ends unhappily "Sadly, yes. I've known quite a few men who've been told how disgusting they are by their partners which I think is incredibly damaging. But so is cheating. All a big mess | |||
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"My kink tends to evolve with partners vicariously and mutually. Patterns have emerged though. I can't often arbitrarily just put anyone into 'my kink' if that makes sense. It has to feel real and shared. It does make sense. The kink dynamic evolves each time. But...for you, does there need to be a kink dynamic within the primary relationship? " Now that is a really good question. I do love your ability to show me my blind spots. Stumped. Not sure I can answer that one.  I have a headache now! | |||
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"I don't need to know what your kink is, but I'm interested in whether it's something you can live without? If you're single and you found a non-kinky partner or if your current partner(s) opted out. Is kink extra sprinkles or is it part of you?" It's part of me. I can not and refuse to have it taken away or ignore it. | |||
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"I don't need to know what your kink is, but I'm interested in whether it's something you can live without? If you're single and you found a non-kinky partner or if your current partner(s) opted out. Is kink extra sprinkles or is it part of you? It's part of the fundamental makeup of who I am. I am more than mature enough to be flexible and accommodating but to do without would just end up making me and a possible partner unhappy! I've come to realise that is the case for me too. And that fundamental mismatch can be quite heartbreaking - I've spoken to so many people where that was the case. Ive seen this too, where people have surpressed their need for a partners sake. But it all re-surfaces almost stronger than ever, and ultimately ends unhappily
Sadly, yes. I've known quite a few men who've been told how disgusting they are by their partners which I think is incredibly damaging. But so is cheating. All a big mess
". It's what I'm personally worried about, feeling the need to get more even if i resist it. I don't want the urge, as the urge alone can put pressure on a relationship. But then again maybe I could just deal with it for the right person. We can only really know at the time I think. I think when we really meet the 'right' person we can do quite a lot. pt | |||
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"My kink tends to evolve with partners vicariously and mutually. Patterns have emerged though. I can't often arbitrarily just put anyone into 'my kink' if that makes sense. It has to feel real and shared. It does make sense. The kink dynamic evolves each time. But...for you, does there need to be a kink dynamic within the primary relationship? Now that is a really good question. I do love your ability to show me my blind spots. Stumped. Not sure I can answer that one. I have a headache now!"Didn't mean to give you a headache! Eek | |||
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"I don't need to know what your kink is, but I'm interested in whether it's something you can live without? If you're single and you found a non-kinky partner or if your current partner(s) opted out. Is kink extra sprinkles or is it part of you? It's part of the fundamental makeup of who I am. I am more than mature enough to be flexible and accommodating but to do without would just end up making me and a possible partner unhappy! I've come to realise that is the case for me too. And that fundamental mismatch can be quite heartbreaking - I've spoken to so many people where that was the case. Ive seen this too, where people have surpressed their need for a partners sake. But it all re-surfaces almost stronger than ever, and ultimately ends unhappily
Sadly, yes. I've known quite a few men who've been told how disgusting they are by their partners which I think is incredibly damaging. But so is cheating. All a big mess
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It's what I'm personally worried about, feeling the need to get more even if i resist it. I don't want the urge, as the urge alone can put pressure on a relationship. But then again maybe I could just deal with it for the right person. We can only really know at the time I think. I think when we really meet the 'right' person we can do quite a lot.
pt"I'm not sure - unless we are honest with ourselves, how can we be honest with others and find something good? I will admit, it makes it twice as hard to find somebody especially at my age. I've tried to ignore it. Minimise it. Doesn't work. | |||
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"For me kink isn’t any particular act. It’s how I think and who I am. So any partner would have to understand and complement that or it would never work. " That's a great summary | |||
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"It's what I'm personally worried about, feeling the need to get more even if i resist it. I don't want the urge, as the urge alone can put pressure on a relationship. But then again maybe I could just deal with it for the right person. We can only really know at the time I think. I think when we really meet the 'right' person we can do quite a lot. pt" Why am I so romantic tonight?    etc
I must I need a good spanking..
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which is actually one of my many kinks I can probably live without I think.
Unless maybe..
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One thing nobody has said is that for men it can be quite hard to find women into their little kinks. I think it can probably be a little easier the other way around tbh.
pt | |||
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"I'm unable to get my head around the fact that a specific kink would take pre_edence over all other aspects of a relationship Not sure I quite follow. I have plenty of singular kink aspects I'd forgo at making a relationship successful. However that isn't what op asked. No, it isn't. I suspect she knows that full well too. To be fair, the question leaves a lot for interpretation because “kink” could refer to one kink, kink in general or swinging as a kink Well to be fair only that person has negatively responded that way to my question and as I have blocked her - I wish she would leave my threads alone. " It isn't your thread ,you just started it. Because you think a post is negative or that you have blocked someone are not reasons for someone not to post on it | |||
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"My kink tends to evolve with partners vicariously and mutually. Patterns have emerged though. I can't often arbitrarily just put anyone into 'my kink' if that makes sense. It has to feel real and shared. It does make sense. The kink dynamic evolves each time. But...for you, does there need to be a kink dynamic within the primary relationship? Now that is a really good question. I do love your ability to show me my blind spots. Stumped. Not sure I can answer that one. I have a headache now!
Didn't mean to give you a headache! Eek "My fault for thinking so hard... I napped on it. The primary relationship would need to have a primal element to it. | |||
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"The kinks I have a very dependant on having a compatible partner for them. I'd rather live without them than do them with someone who wasn't into it or someone that I wasn't into "Well said, me to a tee | |||
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"My kink tends to evolve with partners vicariously and mutually. Patterns have emerged though. I can't often arbitrarily just put anyone into 'my kink' if that makes sense. It has to feel real and shared." That makes perfect sense to me and covers how I feel. | |||
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"Course I would, I'm not a sex-on-the-brain, needs more than one lover in my life kind of person. Intimacy is important in a relationship for me, but it doesn't have to be with kinks or involve multiple people. A relationship involving just two people, with no kink,isn’t as boring as some people might like us to believe. " Have you read all of the thread, Nanna? Kink for some people (including me) is nothing to do with "sex on the brain". And I absolutely agree that for many people a mono relationship with no kink is satisfying and not at all boring. | |||
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"Rugby ^ killed the thread. "I seem to manage that a lot one way or another  | |||
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"Rugby ^ killed the thread.
I seem to manage that a lot one way or another "It's still going. (Fingers crossed) | |||
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"I do think there is a difficulty if kink is not defined. I struggle with the usual definitions of kink or fetish. So for me, I have needs that are not socially acceptable but are common in the BDSM world. They can be aligned to sex but don't need to be. The performance of these needs give me great pleasure but it is not an inherently sexual pleasure. The performance of the needs is always consensual. It is not a lifestyle but a part of me. I compare it to being bitten by a vampire, but as in all heroic vampire stories the hero vampire finds a way to satisfy the longing in an ethical way (OK, I am reading a " Discovery of Witches"). These days there are number of ways to express yourself without compromising your inner daemon for someone else." I knew it would be a little tough without a definition - but then we get into what's vanilla and what's not - and people get judgey - and threads get pulled.
I was waiting for you to reply. You didn't disappoint! | |||
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"I do think there is a difficulty if kink is not defined. I struggle with the usual definitions of kink or fetish. So for me, I have needs that are not socially acceptable but are common in the BDSM world. They can be aligned to sex but don't need to be. The performance of these needs give me great pleasure but it is not an inherently sexual pleasure. The performance of the needs is always consensual. It is not a lifestyle but a part of me. I compare it to being bitten by a vampire, but as in all heroic vampire stories the hero vampire finds a way to satisfy the longing in an ethical way (OK, I am reading a " Discovery of Witches"). These days there are number of ways to express yourself without compromising your inner daemon for someone else." This. We do loads of stuff which doesn't have a sexual element or isn't done for sexual satisfaction. A great example is out profile. We don't do what we say in our profile for sexual satisfaction. It's basically a hobby which happens to have a sexual element, however we don't get turned on doing it, we just enjoy it. | |||
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"Already did / have / am doing." And how did you feel / felt / are feeling about it? | |||
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"Already did / have / am doing. And how did you feel / felt / are feeling about it?" It varies. It's harder sometimes than others. There are times I don't really think about it all that much and it doesn't seem too big of a deal. Then there are other times where... well, I wouldn't wish it on anybody. | |||
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"Already did / have / am doing. And how did you feel / felt / are feeling about it? It varies. It's harder sometimes than others. There are times I don't really think about it all that much and it doesn't seem too big of a deal. Then there are other times where... well, I wouldn't wish it on anybody." That doesn't sound a very positive experience for you. | |||
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"Yeah. My kink is only my kink cos I’m single. Wouldn’t interest me with someone. And I’d only date vanilla
". Ahh that's what they all say! Just wait and see... Seriously though, I think I understand what you mean. pt | |||
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"Yeah. My kink is only my kink cos I’m single. Wouldn’t interest me with someone. And I’d only date vanilla
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Ahh that's what they all say! Just wait and see...
Seriously though, I think I understand what you mean. pt"What do I need to wait and see for? I have had plenty of vanilla relationships and prefer it that way. Fab is just to get laid in a more safe environment whilst I’m single. | |||
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"Yeah. My kink is only my kink cos I’m single. Wouldn’t interest me with someone. And I’d only date vanilla
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Ahh that's what they all say! Just wait and see...
Seriously though, I think I understand what you mean.
pt
What do I need to wait and see for?
I have had plenty of vanilla relationships and prefer it that way.
Fab is just to get laid in a more safe environment whilst I’m single.
". Sure I do get it. pt | |||
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"Mr S here. Always knew I couldn’t as the kink is very strong in me, so only ever pursued kink based relationships, and only married when I found my soulmate. That said, looking back, I definitely had a sex addiction and made loads of stupid and destructive decisions based on it "Our base instincts can lead us to some dark places! But a kinky soulmate? | |||
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"I would say in my experience once the kink can of worms has been opened, it can be hard to shut it once more. " I've tried to shut the can a few times and failed miserably! | |||
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"I would say in my experience once the kink can of worms has been opened, it can be hard to shut it once more. I've tried to shut the can a few times and failed miserably! "I'm on Amazon trying to find the best automatic can opener. | |||
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"I would say in my experience once the kink can of worms has been opened, it can be hard to shut it once more. I've tried to shut the can a few times and failed miserably!
I'm on Amazon trying to find the best automatic can opener."I suspect your can is well and truly open by now, Hans | |||
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"I was doing kink before I knew it was kink. I'm not saying that in a boastful way or implying I'm better or anything along those lines, only that it's been part of me since I was a teenager. It's me. I can't stop being me. I tried and I was miserable, so I went to therapy to try to "cure" myself and that just hammered home that you have to be true to yourself. " Similar for us. Restraints formed part of our "thing" from pretty much the very beginning, and we've been together since 6th form. | |||
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"I would say in my experience once the kink can of worms has been opened, it can be hard to shut it once more. I've tried to shut the can a few times and failed miserably!
I'm on Amazon trying to find the best automatic can opener.
I suspect your can is well and truly open by now, Hans "Oh I don't know I thought that and then. 
Always the same - when you think you got it all worked out and you're on that cloud - someone comes along and blows your socks off. | |||
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