FabSwingers.com forum: The behaviour of others...

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

on Fab. Has it changed your perception of people on Fab? Restored your trust? Made you a bit cynical? A bit jaded?

Or... more realistic?

I've been thinking about this over the past few days, about how we respond when we face certain things. The knock on effect it can have, if any.

So, has being on Fab made you see people in a different light? Whether good or bad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's made me even more cynical than I was before tbh but fortunately that doesn't spill over into the real world, it just makes me way more wary of ppl on here..

If it seems too good to be true, it usually is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes. Being on fab has made me realise most people over the age of 30 are not my people and are really judgemental of people under 30

But charge it to the game. Adjust. Keep it stepping. Stick to what’s familiar and what you know.

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By *cott73Man
over a year ago

brighton

I usually begin from the starting point of having a pretty low opinion on people in general.

If they prove me wrong, I'm delighted. Though not many change that school of thinking on here or in normal life.

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By *hristopherd999Man
over a year ago

Brentwood

It surprises me how nasty people can be

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By *ittleMissCali_MrDJCouple
over a year ago

wonderland.

"It's made me even more cynical than I was before tbh but fortunately that doesn't spill over into the real world, it just makes me way more wary of ppl on here..

If it seems too good to be true, it usually is

"
this for me. I've found fab has more than its fair share of narcissistic characters and people that prey on any vulnerability.

I'm normally pretty confident myself and able to quickly avoid some people but some past experiences make me wary x

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I'm not cynical by nature but I've had my eyes opened by the behaviour of certain individuals on here which then has a knock on effect when I read forum comments from others.

Popularity is definitely an addiction for many.

I generally ignore the behaviour of others until they involve me in it directly but I've never enabled it as some often do.

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By *lack cat loverMan
over a year ago

Derby

I find it interesting how lots is people post that they want to get to know people but the simply judge everyone in looks in the first place. And there is no sense of humor,like at all

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Away for Christmas

Confirmed what I already knew.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Observing the unmonitored masses can be quite the comedic spectacle! In my youthful idealism, I harbored dreams of humanity transcending the need for inhibiting laws. Alas, we find ourselves in need of governance to keep the mirthful chaos at bay. Fab, it seems, serves as a reminder, wrapped in cosmic jest, that we're still a work in progress on the grand stage of behavior

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By *lueDressWoman
over a year ago

Bath

Sadly have had far too many negative remarks made for Me to feel positive.

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By *host63Man
over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham

It's shaken a few idealistic preconceptions I have had on women. Mind you false accusations, in relation to my work and a few others from a Relationship I was in and being around groups of women in conversation in another hobby I have played their part.

And age have shaken a lot of my preconceptions

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

I’ve always looked for the good in people, the bright side.. assumed everyone’s intentions are honest and true. The people around me in the real world are absolutely those things. Most have been around for a very long time. So outside of here I still hope for the best.

Here it’s a different story. Too many people have not been honest. Several have made choices that have affected me negatively.

Everything fab related is now at arms length. If I wouldn’t accept behaviours in everyday life, I’m certainly not going to accept them here.

It’s been good to step back and see things clearly. Life is good with or without fab.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's opened my eyes a lot. The entitlement masked as empowerment of some people paints a decidedly ugly picture of society for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes. Being on fab has made me realise most people over the age of 30 are not my people and are really judgemental of people under 30

But charge it to the game. Adjust. Keep it stepping. Stick to what’s familiar and what you know. "

Honestly, the youf of today, no respect for their elders and betters. Go and stand in the corner and do not speak until you are spoken to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's made me a lot more cynical and aware of my age and skin colour more than it ever has before. I think people can be very fickle and can change their mind on a dime about a person simply because of the other options that are out there and the idea that you need a thick skin is very dismissive of how we treat human beings on the other side of a screen.

Saying that though, I've still met loads of lovely people and had great experiences which represent the highest of highs, but if they're so few and far between, it makes you wonder if it's worth the lows as a result of other people.

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By *illy IdolMan
over a year ago

Midlands

It's made me more reserved in what I'd say or ask. I wouldn't have thought twice about asking people what they do for a job or how many children do they have. Some are very cagey here and don't like to give much away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The behaviour of others on Fab. Has it changed your perception of people on Fab? Restored your trust? Made you a bit cynical? A bit jaded?

Or... more realistic? "

I like the people on Fab that I have met or that I chat to - they are interesting, from wildly different backgrounds, have great experiences, and are not the type of people that I get to meet through work or my normal social set.

Then again, there are a lot of people on Fab who I would never want to meet and many of them are either on my block list or they have blocked me. It does not make me cynical or jaded, rather they represent a cross section of society that you see on TV and are quite happy that you do not have to meet them in real life (but then they probably feel the same about me if I even register on their radar).

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"It's made me even more cynical than I was before tbh but fortunately that doesn't spill over into the real world, it just makes me way more wary of ppl on here..

If it seems too good to be true, it usually is

Ah being more rational (I won't use the word cynical!) isn't necessarily a bad thing on here. Seems too good to be true can be true. Sometimes. Maybe. I think I'm just optimistically naive. :D

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

I don't think fab has particularly altered my views on humanity and people in general. I'm no more or less guarded here or because of here than the way I am and have been affected by real life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Didn't realise folk were so randy...

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

[Removed by poster at 09/10/23 15:26:55]

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Jaded, cynical and very wary of who to trust.

Up until recent months none of those feelings were evident. But events have changed all that permanently. My bullshit radar used to quite finely tuned. No it's totally dysfunctional.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you are a bit naive and un-wordly I think it can be a bit of a shock to have sometimes the worst and sometimes the best of humanity thrown at you. People and behaviours are all just recycled though, there are none of us experiencing or doing anything that hasnt been done generations over. Whatever lesson you have to learn, will be learnt quite quickly whilst involving yourself in fab shenanigans. I am not as naive or un-wordly as I was, but dont think I am ruined for that, I am still curious (nosy) and interested in people.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

I'm very much a pessimist so always expect the worst.

I've lived quite a full life so more than aware of how people can be.

The only suprise I get on here is how judgemental people can be ( myself included).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The behaviour of men has made me realise I am in fact happy to be single.

The behaviour of women has made me realise I do prefer penis.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I usually begin from the starting point of having a pretty low opinion on people in general.

If they prove me wrong, I'm delighted. Though not many change that school of thinking on here or in normal life."

Do you not think that could be because you're approaching it from a place of low opinions? I've not explained it very well but I think negativity can breed it sometimes. If you're more open to positivity, positive yourself you might find more are like that with you. This is armchair psychology though! :D

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By *ilsaGeorgeCouple
over a year ago

kent

The way we were treated by some 'friends' we thought we'd made on here pretty much buried our good will towards other people. This sounds more dramatic than it actually was though. What happened to us before Fab, in the real world, pretty much destroyed our faith in other people. Fab was a way of trying to bring ourselves back, but in the end it proved to be the straw that broke the camel's back. Now we mostly keep everyone at arms length.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I’ve always looked for the good in people, the bright side.. assumed everyone’s intentions are honest and true. The people around me in the real world are absolutely those things. Most have been around for a very long time. So outside of here I still hope for the best.

Here it’s a different story. Too many people have not been honest. Several have made choices that have affected me negatively.

Everything fab related is now at arms length. If I wouldn’t accept behaviours in everyday life, I’m certainly not going to accept them here.

It’s been good to step back and see things clearly. Life is good with or without fab.

It really is Saff. I'm sorry you've had to experience those behaviours though; it's crappy isn't it? Sometimes stepping away from it, focusing on real world issues, enjoying life helps remind you of what's important.

A wise shovel handed friend told me very similar - he doesn't understand how day to day I'm quite a boss ass bitch but then put up with behaviour on here that in the real world I wouldn't dream of entertaining. It was enough of a wake up call for me to start affirming my boundaries, stop being a rehab centre for those who are broken and badly behaved.

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By *electableicecreamMan
over a year ago

The West

When I was just past 20yrs old I had a life changing realisation that I could never truly know what anyone else was thinking.

On fab I've had the realisation that other people are far more surprising and fascinating than I ever imagined. It's just as life changing.

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By *_hot_hornyCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

Whilst we understand fab is a small microcosm of society, we still find ourselves becoming more and and more disillusioned by people in general.

The stand out things for us has been the level of 'main character' attitudes and sense of entitlement - no one seems to realise we have a life outside of fab, and we're not just sat here 24/7 desperately waiting for some mid guy to offer us 'sum fun now'

They expect us to take days off work, abandon the kids and through our responsibilities out of the window for the once in a lifetime chance to experience (probably) 5 minutes of Mr Bean-esque pounding.

There's also a disproportionate amount of casual racism, homophobia, transphobia and misogyny on a daily basis. Lots of out dated ideas about... Well, everything!

Despite the above, exceptions exist and that's why we stick around. Though we get burned out much more quickly than we used to.

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By *rozac_fairyCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

The behaviour of men on fab has pushed me into being far more women leaning on the bisexual spectrum. And also is definitely proof we don't get to pick our sexuality, not that there was ever doubt but it's interesting as an evidence piece

Couples though... most are fantastic but I didn't expect to find soooo many entitled couples who expect you to just provide a waiting pussy regardless of finding them attractive or wanting to play.

Fab as a general has played a part in putting us off how we find playmates and forced our boundaries to be far stricter mainly due to lack of trust and reliability in people

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
over a year ago

Essex

It hasn’t before quite recently. I’ve made good friends, had some real kindness & friendship.

Recently I’ve had a realisation that my optimism (which I’m proud of) is actually naïveté. BUT. I’m trying hard not to become cynical & jaded.

I like optimistic Misty.

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By *cott73Man
over a year ago

brighton

"The behaviour of men has made me realise I am in fact happy to be single.

The behaviour of women has made me realise I do prefer penis.

Quite literally between a rock and a hard place!

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By *oxesMan
over a year ago

Southend, Essex

"on Fab. Has it changed your perception of people on Fab? Restored your trust? Made you a bit cynical? A bit jaded?

Or... more realistic?

I've been thinking about this over the past few days, about how we respond when we face certain things. The knock on effect it can have, if any.

So, has being on Fab made you see people in a different light? Whether good or bad.

I have more nostagia then when I first started (and yes you can have nostalgia for things you never experienced - tangent).

This is something me and my freind discussed this last week. Fab for us was new exciting that had the potential to open and expand sexual horizons providing sexual liberty, get over exes etc.

However we had both been on here a long time. So the site holds a certain sense of nostalgia. Asthetically the site looks like it is stuck on 2000s.

Talking about myself now, it has opened my eyes and made me more toleranting and understanding. I have gained freinds. I have people who thought were freinds and we have drifted apart or maybe I did not read the mood on in the room I dunno.

Maybe I need to work my way of fab. I know there may come a time where I probably meet someone and they are not interested in poly and swinging. My priorities will change and fab will be a distant memory that would put a rye smile on points face, when I either feeling lonely or horny or both.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not in the slightest bit surprised. People are the same on and off Fab. More childish in some games but they love it.

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By *punk n gushCouple
over a year ago

deal

Must say the ones we have met of fab are generally nice and very understanding and if anything have been more pleasant than some that are in our normal lives however we have had one or 2 that we're very rude and abusive on fab

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I find it interesting how lots is people post that they want to get to know people but the simply judge everyone in looks in the first place. And there is no sense of humor,like at all "

I think people want to get to know those they're attracted to mainly. On the forums it might be different, actually, no, it is. Humour is subjective; what one person finds hilarious another will find dreary or in poor taste.

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By *crumdiddlyumptiousMan
over a year ago

A lot of people have fab personalities it can sometimes take weeks months or even years to work them out,

Fantasists, compulsive liars, exaggeration of issues are just some of the bad personalities I try to avoid not just on fab but life in general, If that's the way they're wired so be it, I try and stay out of their way but I have meet some good eggs on fab so will be sticking around, I just choose to keep my numbers small

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

Definitely more cynical, I dislike the men kind even more which given my history was a hard achievement but well done guys you made it!

Congratulations!

(Not all men) there is the odd handful of respectful ones.

But I go through stages where fab makes me feel good and where it makes me feel a bit shit but that is life generally there's the ups and downs.

I've met some great people and I've met some pricks.

Mrs

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By *0lden0ldieMan
over a year ago

Stewartby

I’ve been on and off Fab for many a year and I’ve seen the complaints from women grow.

Fab admin have very strict rules governing what is allowed.

There’s a report system and people (women especially) need to use it instead of complaining and blocking these idiots.

Yes it’s a sex site but but there is no place for abusive or offensive messages here.

Reporting these people to admin will never stop them but if they are banned then at least there will be less of them.

It’s up to you ladies. Don’t just block them, report them.

Well that’s what I think. Like it or loathe it.

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By *adyinred696969Couple
over a year ago

Brecon

Seeing how some think about, and comment on, certain aspects of not just swinging, but life in general, has made us thankful for the friends we have made who seem to be on the same page as us.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I think it's made me a lot more cynical and aware of my age and skin colour more than it ever has before. I think people can be very fickle and can change their mind on a dime about a person simply because of the other options that are out there and the idea that you need a thick skin is very dismissive of how we treat human beings on the other side of a screen.

Ach, this sounds wank Joe.

I do think sometimes people forget there's a real person behind the words on the screen - would people behave/say certain things if face to face with another? Highly unlikely. It's the negative side of relative anonymity.

I hope the great experiences outweigh the less than for you soon, x

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

I'm going to take a slightly different tack and say my behaviour on fab has shown me a lot about me over the years!

I think holding yourself accountable can be challenging at times.

I think it's easy to get swept up in the idea of something rather than the reality.

I think very few things are forever. Situations change, people change, relationships change. I can sometimes be guilty of holding on to things beyond the point at which I should have let go.

Would I change it? Hell no.

Mrs TMN x

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By *ehindHerEyesCouple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

I've always been one of those people who was open and gave people a chance regardless of what others may have opinion wise. I've always preferred to form my own opinion on someone even if it meant I got stung and should have listened.

I've however seen some really good on here and seen some really bad, had my trust abused and broken, but also found some gems in here too.

I'd say not much has changed in that other than now I have another person to consider when forming opinions and not gonna lie it's not always something we agree on and is interesting at times

. But in no way will it stop me interacting even if we're not 100% in agreement

Tinder x

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I'm going to take a slightly different tack and say my behaviour on fab has shown me a lot about me over the years!

I think holding yourself accountable can be challenging at times.

I think it's easy to get swept up in the idea of something rather than the reality.

I think very few things are forever. Situations change, people change, relationships change. I can sometimes be guilty of holding on to things beyond the point at which I should have let go.

Would I change it? Hell no.

Mrs TMN x"

Ah holding yourself accountable is important isn't it?

Not to the extent where you believe things that aren't true (you don't need to gaslight yourself when there are plenty here who'll do that for you).

It's more... acknowledging and understanding where you're not picture perfect.

I've been guilty of similar in the past. I don't like giving up on people. I don't like making people feel bad. So I choose to believe the promises, look for the ideal rather than the reality.

I've become far better this past year at knowing when things are no longer bringing me joy. And letting go when they're not.

I don't think I'd change my Fab experience. I like what I've learnt about myself. Maybe being cheated on? Everything else though? I don't know. I'm still an optimist and think Fab isn't that bad really, regardless of my experiences.

Anyway, I'm glad you did a different slant on it! Very interesting, thanks NipNips.

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By *onnie 90Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

I'm a very positive person in the "real world". On fab, however, I'm very cynical about others. Not as in chatting in the forums etc. But people who I'm chatting to with a view to meeting. I start with a rather negative opinion and build from there. That includes the females who, quite often, turn out to be guys in disguise.

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
over a year ago

Essex

"I'm going to take a slightly different tack and say my behaviour on fab has shown me a lot about me over the years!

I think holding yourself accountable can be challenging at times.

I think it's easy to get swept up in the idea of something rather than the reality.

I think very few things are forever. Situations change, people change, relationships change. I can sometimes be guilty of holding on to things beyond the point at which I should have let go.

Would I change it? Hell no.

Mrs TMN x"

That’s a very good, bloody point!!

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By *heArrowsCouple
over a year ago

"I'm going to take a slightly different tack and say my behaviour on fab has shown me a lot about me over the years!

I think holding yourself accountable can be challenging at times.

I think it's easy to get swept up in the idea of something rather than the reality.

I think very few things are forever. Situations change, people change, relationships change. I can sometimes be guilty of holding on to things beyond the point at which I should have let go.

Would I change it? Hell no.

Mrs TMN x"

I made mistakes on here and I learned a lot about myself and my relationship with my wife from being on here.

I found a lot of like minded people on fab, some of whom I became very strong friends with. There are some really wonderful people on here who have a lot to offer.

Fab promotes a form of intimacy that's unique in many ways. We can learn a lot about people from photos, forum posts and other interactions that we don't get anywhere else. That unique intimacy can be misleading tho. Because even though its more intimate than other forms of interaction its still only an aspect of people's lives. We all know people on here who post sexual photos and are hurting in real life even as they pretend all is well. It can be a hard place to be when your head isn't in the right place.

Ultimately fab taught me that I'm not built for social media. Even one that made me feel welcomed and seen.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"I'm going to take a slightly different tack and say my behaviour on fab has shown me a lot about me over the years!

I think holding yourself accountable can be challenging at times.

I think it's easy to get swept up in the idea of something rather than the reality.

I think very few things are forever. Situations change, people change, relationships change. I can sometimes be guilty of holding on to things beyond the point at which I should have let go.

Would I change it? Hell no.

Mrs TMN x

I made mistakes on here and I learned a lot about myself and my relationship with my wife from being on here.

I found a lot of like minded people on fab, some of whom I became very strong friends with. There are some really wonderful people on here who have a lot to offer.

Ultimately fab taught me that I'm not built for social media. Even one that made me feel welcomed and seen. "

Thank you for being so honest and open. I totally get this. Fab for many is an escape, it definitely is for me at times. It can be an intoxicating environment. Sorting the real from the make believe isn't always easy.

Mrs TMN x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reflecting on this being on fab, the forums specifically, has taught me a lot. I’m not sure I like people very much or am trusting of people anymore. After all this place is made up of the people you pass on the street and in the office.

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By *oneybee1001Woman
over a year ago

Around and about

"on Fab. Has it changed your perception of people on Fab? Restored your trust? Made you a bit cynical? A bit jaded?

Or... more realistic?

I've been thinking about this over the past few days, about how we respond when we face certain things. The knock on effect it can have, if any.

So, has being on Fab made you see people in a different light? Whether good or bad.

For me, FAB is meant to be a place of fun, however, I recognise that for others it's a platform to display their character or chosen facade. I see a lot of judgemental people and negative language which isn't my vibe so I guess FAB puts me into the space of people I wouldn't associate with in real life

In some ways, it has made me very grateful for the folk in my life and thankful for the positive energy around me

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By *unchalMan
over a year ago

Dartford

"on Fab. Has it changed your perception of people on Fab? Restored your trust? Made you a bit cynical? A bit jaded?

Or... more realistic?

I've been thinking about this over the past few days, about how we respond when we face certain things. The knock on effect it can have, if any.

So, has being on Fab made you see people in a different light? Whether good or bad.

Not really done anything. People are pretty okay, generally. Just lowered my expectations of a sex site. I had assumed that this was a fuck fest but did not take into account how bad people feel about their choices or their lack of control.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"Reflecting on this being on fab, the forums specifically, has taught me a lot. I’m not sure I like people very much or am trusting of people anymore. After all this place is made up of the people you pass on the street and in the office.

And yet I've found the complete opposite.. I've met so many amazing people on here and friends

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By *unchalMan
over a year ago

Dartford

"I'm not cynical by nature but I've had my eyes opened by the behaviour of certain individuals on here which then has a knock on effect when I read forum comments from others.

Popularity is definitely an addiction for many.

I generally ignore the behaviour of others until they involve me in it directly but I've never enabled it as some often do. "

I'm curious. Are these things that have happened to you IRL or is it on here?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I still always want to see the best in people and despite being proven wrong countless times, that's just who I am.

I can't let myself become jaded or cynical. I can't stand the thought of not having my hopeful romantic notions, even if they never really happen.

I've said it a lot but I still belive that the men I've met here are far better for me than the ones I've met elsewhere, perhaps because fab feels more honest?

Over the years here, I've certainly changed. Each time I return theres a shift in me, usually a result of life in general.

Despite being a big soft hearted romantic, I also still see fab as just (mostly) strangers on the internet. Unless I've gotten to know you very well then it really has, very little impact on my life.

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By *r_PinkMan
over a year ago

london stratford

I have become more cynical

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By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

I think more im a hell of a lot less invested not so much jaded as indifferent it means i can get a hell of a lot more done in real life than spending my days looking at tits amd hoping for what i want

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

"I'm not cynical by nature but I've had my eyes opened by the behaviour of certain individuals on here which then has a knock on effect when I read forum comments from others.

Popularity is definitely an addiction for many.

I generally ignore the behaviour of others until they involve me in it directly but I've never enabled it as some often do.

I'm curious. Are these things that have happened to you IRL or is it on here?"

Only ever on here. In real life people come and go often without leaving a mark but I keep a very tight friendship circle.

On here I take the same approach in regard to who I talk to but over the years I've had women use my friendship either as a stepping stone to meet others in my circle or as currency by passing on my personal details to those they wish to ingratiate themselves with.

I've witnessed some nasty shit with men indirectly through external chatgroups but they have been very few and far between.

Some people really would sell their granny for a fab or an acknowledgement from a fab "celeb" and I don't say that with any sense of exaggeration.

I genuinely don't understand their motives but at the same time I don't believe that those who see what they are doing and choose to ignore it are really that hard up for a fuck.

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By *hoc TitanMan
over a year ago

Peterborough/ London

You can and will never know what a person is like until you meet them face to face ….it’s that simple !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hadn't really thought about it until now.

I've been here for more than just a few years!

I've come across a disproportionate amount of people who appear to have personality disorders.

Very few are "normal" regardless of how they try to portray themselves.

I guess its the nature of the beast.

I was quite naive when I first joined and took everyone at face value. I learned the hard way that this site is not the place for naivety.

I'm now hardened and jaded by some of my experiences which is why I rarely meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"on Fab. Has it changed your perception of people on Fab? Restored your trust? Made you a bit cynical? A bit jaded?

Or... more realistic?

I've been thinking about this over the past few days, about how we respond when we face certain things. The knock on effect it can have, if any.

So, has being on Fab made you see people in a different light? Whether good or bad.

I'm a lot more cynical. I've been stunned at times, and still am at the way some things have played out.

Saying no seems to be a catalyst for shitty behaviours. People think they know what's going on and can see everything when in actual fact they really fucking don't. And they don't get both sides to the stories either yet are quick to comment and judge. Yet are two faced.

For a place that I expected to be so open and non Judgemental it's quite the reverse.

My trust is more broken, I'm a hell of a lot more jaded. Hence my mojo packing its bags.

Yet I wish I could speak the truth and clear my side in all the crap, but I know I shouldn't waste my energy.

I swear to god you could sit in the sahara without a device and still things would happen.

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

It hasn't changed how I view people...on or off of here, I like to approach people with neutrality and form my own opinion about them.

What has shocked me is the spitefulness and vindictiveness that some people will stoop to when it comes to sex. No, not just sex, when they think it's something more than sex and assume they have a claim on somebody else. There are some truly vile people that put on a facade of niceness

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
over a year ago

chichester

Don’t think anything. It’s just a hook up site nothing more to me

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By *ozJackCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

It's made me realize most people are incredibly boring with very little to say.

I felt like there were more perceptions and interesting people out there. Which there are undoubtedly is and I have met them, but my god there's some real social wastelands spread out in between.

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

I don't think fab has altered my opinion greatly. Analysing people in groups I have little energy for. How someone treats me directly is what I find intriguing.

As individuals I love people, I really do - once they open up they are fascinating. When people read and analyse rather than try to get to know me, I find that to be a barrier, though and that happens here.

There's no relationship without trust in my opinion so giving up on trust is not for me. Take it on the chin, if it hurts it hurts, move on.

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By *histle do nicelyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow South

It opened my eyes as to how sexual women can be...I was brought up thinking the man initiated and took control from A To Z...A real welcomed eye opener..Great to see so many issues discussed in the forums

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By *ersiantugMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

I try not to judge people by this forum. Essentially it's a place of distinct and often rather esoteric friendship or 'respect' groups of all kinds. I don't find that side to it super clever (it's often very dumb), but it is what it is and was always going to be a bit like that here. I found the forum unusable when I first joined Fabswingers, but it's better than in was I think (though it's still a bit intimidating, ageist, reactionary and plain snotty at times!)

People behave a lot better in real life than online anyway imo. Although that only goes for so much I know.

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By *ozJackCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

People behave a lot better in real life than online anyway imo. Although that only goes for so much I know.

pt"

This is a good analysis. I would say that a lot of these online kink forums end up becoming very esoteric and almost "gatekeepery" by design.

There are groups of people who deliberately want to create a shroud of insider language that almost makes you want to connect with them as a way of becoming an "insider" to these groups.

The good side of me says it's because they feel the need to protect their communities from who they see as outsiders, a darker side of me will say many of these people want newcomers to try and strive for their approval to be accepted into the 'in-group' of fetishists through any means necessary.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I think I still always want to see the best in people and despite being proven wrong countless times, that's just who I am.

I can't let myself become jaded or cynical. I can't stand the thought of not having my hopeful romantic notions, even if they never really happen.

I've said it a lot but I still belive that the men I've met here are far better for me than the ones I've met elsewhere, perhaps because fab feels more honest?

Over the years here, I've certainly changed. Each time I return theres a shift in me, usually a result of life in general.

Despite being a big soft hearted romantic, I also still see fab as just (mostly) strangers on the internet. Unless I've gotten to know you very well then it really has, very little impact on my life.

I think that's a lovely way of being though Wyld and one I identify with. I don't think I ever want to be cynical or jaded because it's not me. Misty above spoke about how she liked optimistic Misty. I like myself when I'm optimistic. That's not to say there aren't odd bouts where I wobble but I don't think I'd want Fab to make me jaded. I'd step away before then.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think I could be anymore more cynical

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By *oxesMan
over a year ago

Southend, Essex

People behave a lot better in real life than online anyway imo. Although that only goes for so much I know.

This is a good analysis. I would say that a lot of these online kink forums end up becoming very esoteric and almost "gatekeepery" by design.

There are groups of people who deliberately want to create a shroud of insider language that almost makes you want to connect with them as a way of becoming an "insider" to these groups.

This an interesting take. A lot of swinger venacular may not actually originate from swinging. For instance 'vanilla'. To mean original,old, normal or boring. In the computer game modding community 'vanilla' means refers to the original base game.

I was once reading a review left on UKP. And it read like a completely different language. (Other than getting me annoyed for what I thought was contempt for the lady). It was difficult to get because of sheer number of acronyms. OWO, CIM, A-levels. I find out amazing how you can have two different worlds involving sex online. Yet have two different cultures.

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By *oneybee1001Woman
over a year ago

Around and about

"It hasn't changed how I view people...on or off of here, I like to approach people with neutrality and form my own opinion about them.

Good to know I'm not the only one who's experienced this! I chose to rise above and be polite, smile and breathe. It's probably not even about you, you are just the easy target in their view

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"on Fab. Has it changed your perception of people on Fab? Restored your trust? Made you a bit cynical? A bit jaded?

Or... more realistic?

I've been thinking about this over the past few days, about how we respond when we face certain things. The knock on effect it can have, if any.

So, has being on Fab made you see people in a different light? Whether good or bad.

I'm a lot more cynical. I've been stunned at times, and still am at the way some things have played out.

For a place that I expected to be so open and non Judgemental it's quite the reverse.

My trust is more broken, I'm a hell of a lot more jaded. Hence my mojo packing its bags.

Yet I wish I could speak the truth and clear my side in all the crap, but I know I shouldn't waste my energy.

I swear to god you could sit in the sahara without a device and still things would happen."

People judge sadly. It's the way of the world. I don't think judging is always a bad thing - I'm sure you've done it before without both sides of a story before.

That being said, it's crappy that it's led to you being more jaded. Your mojo vanishing. I don't think I'd wish that on anyone.

Speaking your truth can be cathartic but... I have a lot of respect for those who don't stoop to airing it on the fora.

Things are always going to happen, people will always believe what they want to. At some point you say fuck it and focus on you. Doing what you know is right. Sticking with your boundaries. I hope you're able to find your MOJO soon. Rediscover yourself before the nonsense. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I work in behaviour management. I see a lot of uncessary behiours here. I observe. I do not need to rant.

As much as homo sapiens have evolved behaviour is fascinating part of my job and work.

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By *apxxxWoman
over a year ago

North Shropshire not Wales!!!ffs & Manchester

You have to remember that fab isn't true to the real world..I've been on fab on and off for 15 plus years and its in its own little world and not a true representation of what real life is like

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I'm getting better at spotting the red flags and the time wasters.

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By *ersiantugMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

People behave a lot better in real life than online anyway imo. Although that only goes for so much I know.

This is a good analysis. I would say that a lot of these online kink forums end up becoming very esoteric and almost "gatekeepery" by design.

There are groups of people who deliberately want to create a shroud of insider language that almost makes you want to connect with them as a way of becoming an "insider" to these groups.

Whatever the reasons (and it'll largely be somewhere more mundane and 'in the middle' of course) it certainly works for new people. Play the game, 'white knight' for the most confident and receptive players, go after the less popular when you see the chance - it all 'works' for them in terms of what they personally want from here, despite so many other fabbers being immune to it all (the forum is still full of great people of course). Best to either ignore or be amused by such stuff, and of course try not to be caught up in it or irritated when you see it. It's just there because it's there. Like ghosting and such stuff, it comes with the show.

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By *iss LovelyWoman
over a year ago

Here and There

I’ve seen both the good and bad in people on here. I’ve found it fascinating and sometimes horrifying to see the different way people approach their fabbing.

I’ve been ‘mean girl’d’ and bullied by several women over the years because of my associations. I’ve met men who on the face of it are lovely, respectful, decent people but then turn out to be utterly dreadful. But I’ve also met some really wonderful people, both men and women who I wouldn’t be without, so it’s all a balance.

There are some delusional people here though, that’s for sure. But that’s the same as anywhere.

It’s changed me, definitely. In some ways good and probably some ways bad. Most days it’s an even balance trying to decide whether Fab was a good choice to have made.

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By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

It's fab, it's neither made me cynical nor jaded, and hasent aided in sorting out trust issues I may have.

It's a swingers site after all, so brings a certain set of pitfalls, which will enhance people's shortcomings and for those being acted upon, my own included at times.

For me it's to be taken with a pinch of salt, if I do meet anyone from off the forums, I do my best to form proper opinions of them, based on that real life interaction, and to bring in my perceptions of them based upon a online persona. Which is easier said than done.

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By *unchalMan
over a year ago

Dartford

"I'm not cynical by nature but I've had my eyes opened by the behaviour of certain individuals on here which then has a knock on effect when I read forum comments from others.

Popularity is definitely an addiction for many.

I generally ignore the behaviour of others until they involve me in it directly but I've never enabled it as some often do.

I'm curious. Are these things that have happened to you IRL or is it on here?

Only ever on here. In real life people come and go often without leaving a mark but I keep a very tight friendship circle.

I've witnessed some nasty shit with men indirectly through external chatgroups but they have been very few and far between.

Some people really would sell their granny for a fab or an acknowledgement from a fab "celeb" and I don't say that with any sense of exaggeration.

I genuinely don't understand their motives but at the same time I don't believe that those who see what they are doing and choose to ignore it are really that hard up for a fuck.

Interesting, and while certainly very dramatic, you haven't really said that anyone had done anything terrible.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

"I'm not cynical by nature but I've had my eyes opened by the behaviour of certain individuals on here which then has a knock on effect when I read forum comments from others.

Popularity is definitely an addiction for many.

I generally ignore the behaviour of others until they involve me in it directly but I've never enabled it as some often do.

I'm curious. Are these things that have happened to you IRL or is it on here?

Only ever on here. In real life people come and go often without leaving a mark but I keep a very tight friendship circle.

I've witnessed some nasty shit with men indirectly through external chatgroups but they have been very few and far between.

Some people really would sell their granny for a fab or an acknowledgement from a fab "celeb" and I don't say that with any sense of exaggeration.

I genuinely don't understand their motives but at the same time I don't believe that those who see what they are doing and choose to ignore it are really that hard up for a fuck.

Interesting, and while certainly very dramatic, you haven't really said that anyone had done anything terrible. "

You think passing peoples personal details including facepics and places of work is more dramatic than terrible?

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Neither. As in all walks of life there are assholes and gems.

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Nowhere

I had way too high an opinion of people in general before here and up until the past few years it was largely true - people on here in general were here for the reason this site was set up. More recently I have seen an influx of people who are aggressive, rude, insulting, insensitive and have no thought for inconveniencing others when they don’t turn up or turn up and are 20 years older than their pic. There are still a lot if lovely, genuine funny people on here which make it a fun place to hang out still but it would be better without the rude ones.

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By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

I dont usually care unless they shit in my frostys then its war and suffering

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