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It's Tough Being Social

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Don't mean this in a nasty or whiny

way. I've never been good with people. Always overthinking it too much

I've personally had a lot of awkward experiences with meeting new people. I enjoy it but those experiences really skew my perspective sometimes

As much as we're here for sex and such, I feel that it is still a social endeavour in its own way on some level. So I think that part can make it very difficult sometimes

Does anyone else feel the same way?

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

Not really I'm a people person i may not be everyones cup of tea but i get on well with people in general

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bit more self love needed mate. If someone likes you and wants to put in the effort then that's enough.

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By *ingpot!Man
over a year ago

West Cork

Oh OP you're definitely not alone. Social anxiety, neurodivergent wonky brain shit, etc.. it makes meets difficult sometimes for sure. There are loads of people who are accommodating and welcoming though - stay strong x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Not really I'm a people person i may not be everyones cup of tea but i get on well with people in general "

Yeah, that's fair enough I get on well with a lot of people in general but it still feels like a huge struggle to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it’s important to remember OP that fir some people being social is a skill that needs practise and you will be rusty if you don’t keep it sharp

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Bit more self love needed mate. If someone likes you and wants to put in the effort then that's enough."

Ofc I am working on that but it tends to fluctuate a lot

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Oh OP you're definitely not alone. Social anxiety, neurodivergent wonky brain shit, etc.. it makes meets difficult sometimes for sure. There are loads of people who are accommodating and welcoming though - stay strong x "

Thanks I know I should try to stay positive!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think it’s important to remember OP that fir some people being social is a skill that needs practise and you will be rusty if you don’t keep it sharp"

That is very true. Definitely very rusty but I'll try to work on that slowly at my own pace. Thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Don't mean this in a nasty or whiny

way. I've never been good with people. Always overthinking it too much

I've personally had a lot of awkward experiences with meeting new people. I enjoy it but those experiences really skew my perspective sometimes

As much as we're here for sex and such, I feel that it is still a social endeavour in its own way on some level. So I think that part can make it very difficult sometimes

Does anyone else feel the same way?"

I ooooverthink everything, I've learnt to just breathe and focus on that to help me speak with another human but once I do I'm OK for a bit.

Nice profile OP. Explains you very well

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks I was worried it was too long but after reading the forums a bit, it feels like a clear, detailed profile is best

It is one of those weird things. I enjoy being social but I still overthink it hugely. Can be really comfortable around people one minute then the next, my batteries are drained and I need to withdraw for some quiet time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm awkward as fuck but attend group socials on here and other sites. Sometimes, occasionally, alright every damn time I meet someone just as weird as myself at these events.

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By *ohemianBristolMan
over a year ago

Bristol


"Can be really comfortable around people one minute then the next, my batteries are drained and I need to withdraw for some quiet time"

Learning how much you can give out and maintain a consistent energy level takes practice!

Having that switch get flipped instantly is rough, but overtime you can see what causes it to happen, it's not instantaneous and socratic reasoning all the factors which build to that point is eye opening (for me it's even what work / projects I have deadlines for to even my diet that day!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was on a social the other day.. One cup was great. Again I did most of the talking. I tried to engage with eye contact. Was too busy thinking about the time.. Clock watching. 3rd cup I was exhausted of talking. I believe he thought he was lucky.

I find it hard to get socials, great chat, then it dries out. Making time for people is hard enough.

Social skills do not happen easy for some people stay positive op.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Small bump on this for an update

I went to an organised social the other day. Dressed up all nice and such. Feeling positive. But when I got there, I froze completely. Didn't know anyone. Too afraid to say hello. Just got a drink, sat in the corner for about an hour, and then went home

I felt awful after. Glad that I got out and tried to meet new people, but failed the actually meeting new people part

It was a quiet social that night, I think. Not many people in but even then it just phased me completely

Honestly, it is very difficult to stay positive struggling this way. Not that it makes me bitter and miserable either but it's just really tough making those first steps

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry


"Small bump on this for an update

I went to an organised social the other day. Dressed up all nice and such. Feeling positive. But when I got there, I froze completely. Didn't know anyone. Too afraid to say hello. Just got a drink, sat in the corner for about an hour, and then went home

I felt awful after. Glad that I got out and tried to meet new people, but failed the actually meeting new people part

It was a quiet social that night, I think. Not many people in but even then it just phased me completely

Honestly, it is very difficult to stay positive struggling this way. Not that it makes me bitter and miserable either but it's just really tough making those first steps"

I (Mr) can identity with a lot of that. I have spent all my life confused how people just socialise? Starting from those early in the playground. To me it's some sort of dark art that everyone seems to know but me. It resonates with me and I know how it hurts.

Yet I'm super social when I am comfortable with people. Which in itself is frustrating when you know you can communicate and get on wonderfully with people if only you can get in there. And you're right the scene is very social.

However this is the world we live in and we have to work on things to get where we want. I was lucky in the sense I was forced into social situations where I had to learn to swim socially. First when I started playing Rugby and when I joined the forces. In the forces you spend often all your time around other people. So you learn to mask. You learn what game plans generally work socially and what don't. I found that once you learn how to keep yourself a float enough socially to break the ice then you can push through to a stage with people you can just be you. And the same when I started going to clubs as a single guy.

So my biggest tip is exposure and just being brave enough to try breaking the ice (even if it turns out to be fail). It's great you went to a social and its important just to keep getting out there and trying. It's completely exhausting, takes balls and is painful, often. But you can get better at it and I bet you have a lot to offer if you can break that ice. It will properly always be hard. It's still super nails for me but I try mask it and use the systems that work for me. That's the game and it's not maybe made for you. However it is what it is and you can choose to stick it out and not play. Either way good luck to you and I suspect there are others on here who understand too.

Mr

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I can find it hard too. One on way is OK but groups can be challenging

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I (Mr) can identity with a lot of that. I have spent all my life confused how people just socialise? Starting from those early in the playground. To me it's some sort of dark art that everyone seems to know but me. It resonates with me and I know how it hurts.

Yet I'm super social when I am comfortable with people. Which in itself is frustrating when you know you can communicate and get on wonderfully with people if only you can get in there. And you're right the scene is very social.

However this is the world we live in and we have to work on things to get where we want. I was lucky in the sense I was forced into social situations where I had to learn to swim socially. First when I started playing Rugby and when I joined the forces. In the forces you spend often all your time around other people. So you learn to mask. You learn what game plans generally work socially and what don't. I found that once you learn how to keep yourself a float enough socially to break the ice then you can push through to a stage with people you can just be you. And the same when I started going to clubs as a single guy.

So my biggest tip is exposure and just being brave enough to try breaking the ice (even if it turns out to be fail). It's great you went to a social and its important just to keep getting out there and trying. It's completely exhausting, takes balls and is painful, often. But you can get better at it and I bet you have a lot to offer if you can break that ice. It will properly always be hard. It's still super nails for me but I try mask it and use the systems that work for me. That's the game and it's not maybe made for you. However it is what it is and you can choose to stick it out and not play. Either way good luck to you and I suspect there are others on here who understand too.

Mr

"

I don't feel it's fair to say this may not be made for me based on my struggles. This is made for everyone with a genuine interest in it, no matter what their disposition is

But I understand your reasoning and appreciate your advice. It's nice to see that other people here do understand and can relate to what I'm going through

I guess all I can say is that I'm not ready for socials or clubs yet. Not going to them with the goal of playing. Just with an interest to explore the scene. But I understand that my shyness isn't automatically someone else's problem and I shouldn't expect to have it accommodated

I think I'll just take it slow here and build up my confidence a bit more. The forums are always lively. It's fun to lurk but still can't find the courage to get involved just yet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Small bump on this for an update

I went to an organised social the other day. Dressed up all nice and such. Feeling positive. But when I got there, I froze completely. Didn't know anyone. Too afraid to say hello. Just got a drink, sat in the corner for about an hour, and then went home

I felt awful after. Glad that I got out and tried to meet new people, but failed the actually meeting new people part

It was a quiet social that night, I think. Not many people in but even then it just phased me completely

Honestly, it is very difficult to stay positive struggling this way. Not that it makes me bitter and miserable either but it's just really tough making those first steps"

The important thing is you turned up and gave it a go

And remember that it’s not always you. I went to a social night from here and it was dreadful because of the people there forking their own crew and not including others

Head up and keep at it. That’s the most important thing

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