FabSwingers.com forum: Is it worth it...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

For those that have been cheated on/lied to/fucked with (and not in a good way) would you change the past if you could? Make it so it never happened?

I was talking to someone about exes and shit and they said what would things be like now if my ex hadn't been such a huge dick (again, not in the good way).

I'm not for one second saying what happened was a good thing but if it hadn't, I wouldn't be who I am now and where I am now. And I rather like both to be honest and I wouldn't want to be who I was before.

So would you change things? Would you not go through the hurt or the loss or the lies. But does all that make you who you are today? And for most, that's a good thing no? Stronger, maybe a tad cynical, but still better than before.

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

Those are the things in life that make us. So I’d not change a thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can see it from both sides. But if what happened, didn't happen then I probably wouldn't have needed Mr to lean on when I met him, and I maybe wouldn't have held on quite so strongly.

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By *romleyM41Man
over a year ago

orpington / surrounding

Going through my divorce was the hardest thing I have ever had to do (had nothing to do with any cheating etc, purely 2 people growing apart over time). With young kids involved I’d never wish that upon my worst enemy.

That said I am a much different person now and I would like to think a much better person, and dad, for it.. so would I go back if I could and undo that part of my life ? Yes so I could undo the pain, but no because I am much happier now, and because I’m happier everyone else around me gets the best version of me so it’s a tough one

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

No. I'm always going to be a bit wary if someone sends me a video/voicenotes about being poorly on New Year's Eve/Day. I don't think I'll so readily trust that.

But honestly? No. I've made peace with a lot of it, making peace with the rest slowly but surely. It's happened. I don't think they're bad people. I do think we weren't compatible.

I refuse to allow my future interactions, dynamics and relationships to be ruined by cynicism and hangovers of bad behaviour from exes. Do they feel bad or regret any of it? I doubt it. So why should I still allow them that power over me?

It was actually that realisation that made me call time on something. Being aware I was very close to cancelling a date because I started thinking, nope. I'm not dateable, not attractive, not the sort of person someone chooses to spend time with.

I said fuck it and chose me instead. Really happy I didn't cancel it. One of my best decisions of the year so far.

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

I wouldn't change a thing even if i could , i learn with mistakes and i come out stronger from these . Life don't need to be perfect to be perfect

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Also, it's worth saying in the spirit of fairness and honesty. For all the lows there were some brilliant highs. And that's how I live life. So I'll take it all and carry on muddling through.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I got divorced I really evaluated this.

Don’t get me wrong some people are just dicks and will never be satisfied with what they have either materially or personally and always be looking for the next best or new thing. That’s for men and woman.

However, and being honest, I most probably pushed my ex away. Poor communication of what I needed at a point in time. And it wasn’t sexual and nor did I cheat.

Maybe more a case of needing more emotional and moral support but covering that need well.

So to your question. Would I change it? Maybe. She is the mother of my children. But what it has taught me is that it’s okay to ask for help.

The past is the past for a reason, and, my opinion only it should be left there.

It’s easy to repeat patterns with someone from your past regardless of what you say

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

No. I’d not change it.

Even though it didn’t work out in the end, they gave me some of the best times I ever had.

When I look back it’s the good times I remember. I think that says a lot.

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

I’ve made peace with it all. It’s made me stronger and a much more sarcastic bitch. But would I change it? Hell yes. Especially some of the decisions to get into really really awful relationships and then not leave them when it was clear I was being shit on from a great height over and over again.

Do I think about that all the time anymore? No.

I’m too busy enjoying myself now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would change certain things

There's things I've been through that will affect every single relationship/situationship I enter to and I would just love to be able to let me guard down instead of having to build myself up and build up an insane amount of trust with someone before I am comfortable with them

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By *ixed MisterMan
over a year ago

London

Perfer et obdura, dolor hic tibi proderit olim.

As much as it sucked at the time, that saying resonates a lot with me, and it all helped me built into who I am today.

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

Damn. That's a question. I've thought about this a lot. I think we had to go through it for us to be where we are now. If it hadn't happened there's every chance we'd still be together but both desperately unhappy. I'd rather not have gone through that pain though.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

For the most part, the things I walked into blind, the things where I genuinely learned, I wouldn't change them because they're important steps in how I became who I am today.

There is one though. One I walked into with eyes fully open to the burning dumpster fire of red flags while I was on an incredibly self destructive spiral. Where I knew from the start it was going to go horrendously bad but genuinely had no desire to continue existing anyway at that point. That one I'd skip and not lose anything other than therapy costs and excessive caution.

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Most certainly I'd keep running change my number might even stretch to changing my name also as it's not just the hurt/pain but the trauma that lives on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was asked this recently and the truth is I can't ever wish we had never met. I still love him and I probably always will. Despite the lies and there were many, the way he broke my heart countless times, it's made me who I am and changed my whole outlook on things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No. I’ve been asked the question lots. Would I change the past?

No.

I’m

The best version of myself I could ever be. I’m in touch with myself a lot more than I was. I was complete dick and very selfish. All the reasons why I hate that man.

To turn back time would be to become him again.

All my past has made me who I am today. Wise.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

I wouldn’t change anything. Because the recovery after the pain was amazing.

When I put my pieces back together, the new improved me was grateful. Turns out I was pretty fucking sexy after all and my ex just didn’t see it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think in an ideal world we would all like to live without experiencing trauma and pain. Currently going through this situation at the moment and it's easy to get lost in the what ifs but even with those the end result would most likely be the same. I wouldn't change anything because without my ex destroying me, there might have been a way back which I know isn't what I want or need. In a backward way, people being a bastard actually helps you heal faster as your grieving the life you planned rather than the person itself which is easier to process. I've got a long road ahead of me but I'm grateful for the person I loved the most showing me who they really are and saving me from any more years of heartache.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

Honestly don't know.

I don't think I'd be all that different. But other parts of my life would be different certainly.

It is the whole butterfly effect chain of events. Maybe my life would have been amazing or maybe I'd be even worse off than I am now. Maybe eventually I'd have been the one to cheat. Who knows!?

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

Absolutely. I'd have liked it if she'd just said she wanted to end things instead of cheating while I was away and isolated, giving some seethrough lies about why she was splitting with me, and just generally trying to play some innocent act. Bitch.

LvM

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By *weetiepie99Woman
over a year ago

cardiff

Yes i would. Because it not only affected me in the worst way, self esteem, confidence etc...but those closest to me...and not in a good way. And i'm not the person i want to be. I don't think i ever will be truthfully.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No wouldn't change anything as have learned something from every relationship.

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By *ixed MisterMan
over a year ago

London

Also I'd like to add that without that one moment it was just prolonging something that most likely wasn't right for you in the 1st place.

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By *tanley FunseekerMan
over a year ago

stanley

Every life event good or bad is a learning experience, so no I wouldn’t change anything. Still think I’m a muppet fir some of the things I’ve done though

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By *rozac_fairyCouple
over a year ago

Tamworth

I'd probably change it...

Would be nice not to have PTSD and I'd of saved tens of thousands in therapy costs.

But, it also wouldn't have led me to my Husband so I guess there is a silver lining

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By *estSussexGuy76Man
over a year ago

copthorne

The only regret I had was when I was young. Roll on 10 years, I was able to put the wrong I did right. It was only the way I treated someone I dated but always felt I owed an apology, I lucky to have the chance to do so.

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By *avexxMan
over a year ago

cheshire

i dont think anybody goes through life without getting hurt at some point,,, but we learn from it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The only thing I’d like to go back and change is the years of my life I wasted being treated like a piece of shit for no reason.

If it didn’t happen though I wouldn’t have my kids and husband and the life I live now. I’m a hell of a lot stronger for it too, there’s no way I’d let anyone walk over the top of me like that ever again.

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

No, I'd never change the past. There has been a lot of shit, most of which no one else knows about.

Unfortunately you often learn more about yourself when going through pain in the hope not to go through it again. I have no doubt I will have a lot more heartache in the future but it's also a sign that I have been able to love someone enough that it hurts when it ends. And bad endings do not have to tarnish an entire memory of the relationship

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try not to dwell on the past.

Why keep harming yourself over and over again on something you cannot change?

It your choice.. if you choose to think it didn't harm you.

If it didn't harm you you weren't harmed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i dont think anybody goes through life without getting hurt at some point,,, but we learn from it "

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By *entlemenpipMan
over a year ago

not far

"For those that have been cheated on/lied to/fucked with (and not in a good way) would you change the past if you could? Make it so it never happened?

I was talking to someone about exes and shit and they said what would things be like now if my ex hadn't been such a huge dick (again, not in the good way).

I spent years in a abusive relationship and there are times I look back at it and think I wish I hadn't started it but life is made of lessons unfortunately some are hard

It taught me the signs to look for and that I was an easy target for those who would be abusive and manipulative I learnt the hard way so I wouldn't change it it just sucks but that's life it is what it is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Gahhhh I want to say yes. God yes in a heart beat. But three beautiful beings came from that, so I couldn't possibly swerve.

But it has made me more suspicious and less trustful. This has carried on to successive relationships, which again haven't been perfect. But at least they've not been manipulative, gas lighted me and just making me feel stupid and inept *shrugs*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No……. We all learn from our mistakes

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

I'd change nothing. What I have experienced over the years has made me the person I am today...a person I am quite proud of to have overcame all the negative hurtful things.

Someone who isn't afraid to stand alone x

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"I'd change nothing. What I have experienced over the years has made me the person I am today...a person I am quite proud of to have overcame all the negative hurtful things.

Someone who isn't afraid to stand alone x"

But in theory time is precious and more could've been achieved without any suffering as the recovery period takes up time also as I see it logically xbut we are survivors x

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By *ookie46Woman
over a year ago

Deepest darkest Peru

"No, I'd never change the past. There has been a lot of shit, most of which no one else knows about.

That last sentence I completely resonate with. I feel like I need to read that after this week

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