FabSwingers.com forum: Funniest insult

By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

Just heard a young fella say to his mate “ the f**ks up with you today, got sand in ya mangina ?“

Made me laugh, what’s funniest insult you’ve heard?

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

I got called a tory chavy bastard earlier today for saying no thanks. That tickled me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've always liked "There must be a village missing it's idiot tonight".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I remb I met a guy on here and he said to me I wouldn't be here with you if I was getting it at home .. i was like ya cheeky fucker and I went home

lol

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Just made this up

Re crocodile Dundee.

That's not a cock THIS IS A COCK

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"I got called a tory chavy bastard earlier today for saying no thanks. That tickled me."

I’d be most insulted by the Tory element of that tbh. Good to see members of my sex are taking rejection with their usual maturity and good grace though. We’re classy animals

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"I remb I met a guy on here and he said to me I wouldn't be here with you if I was getting it at home .. i was like ya cheeky fucker and I went home

lol "

Surprised you didn’t chin him first

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"Just made this up

Re crocodile Dundee.

That's not a cock THIS IS A COCK"

No, nope, no meat sword fencing in the forums lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I remb I met a guy on here and he said to me I wouldn't be here with you if I was getting it at home .. i was like ya cheeky fucker and I went home

lol

Surprised you didn’t chin him first"

I'm only 5ft lol I should had kneed him in the balls

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"I've always liked "There must be a village missing it's idiot tonight"."

yep it thats quite popular where I live

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've always wanted to use this one from Frasier but know I would just fuck it up

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nS41-JeZ3EE

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"I remb I met a guy on here and he said to me I wouldn't be here with you if I was getting it at home .. i was like ya cheeky fucker and I went home

lol

Surprised you didn’t chin him first

I'm only 5ft lol I should had kneed him in the balls

Maybe give him a harsh wank using chilli oil as lube

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I remb I met a guy on here and he said to me I wouldn't be here with you if I was getting it at home .. i was like ya cheeky fucker and I went home

lol

Surprised you didn’t chin him first

I'm only 5ft lol I should had kneed him in the balls

Maybe give him a harsh wank using chilli oil as lube

Lol love it .. don't chat to him anymore, but I'll keep that in mind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

‘What I call bog roll you call mind wipe’

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"‘What I call bog roll you call mind wipe’

That’s a new one for me. Nice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

‘You are proof that anal sex leads to pregnancy’

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"‘You are proof that anal sex leads to pregnancy’

Wow, that’s a nuclear level burn lol

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

Has a face like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle

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By *essicagraceWoman
over a year ago

birmingham

I have two favourites.

1) You expired jar of mayonnaise.

2) whos this clown? (Implying a, you're a clown, and b, not even a well known clown!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A sniper wouldn't take her out

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By *tes2010Man
over a year ago

Near you

“Ye maa sells fidget spinners outside Primark”

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"Has a face like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle"

Ooof!

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"“Ye maa sells fidget spinners outside Primark”"

Lol

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"A sniper wouldn't take her out

Lol

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"I have two favourites.

1) You expired jar of mayonnaise.

2) whos this clown? (Implying a, you're a clown, and b, not even a well known clown!)"

Second one is genius

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By *.T.Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you..."

Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wank puffin had me on the floor laughing

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"Wank puffin had me on the floor laughing "

Pmsl love it

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you..."

Love it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'vr only been pissed off by 2 people before ,and you have been both of them

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By *lovisMan
over a year ago

Twickenham

I'd explain it to you, but it would be like trying to explain Norway to a dog

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"I'vr only been pissed off by 2 people before ,and you have been both of them"

Oof!

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"I'd explain it to you, but it would be like trying to explain Norway to a dog"

Nice

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

"Has a face like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle

Ooof!"

This can be adapted depending on said person to;

Has a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp

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By *JJ_6969Man
over a year ago

Aspull

If you was a spice, you'd be flour

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He thinks Cheerios are doughnut seeds.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cockwomble

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

- I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you

- I'm glad you think highly of yourself. Someone has to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Someday you'll go far - i hope you stay there!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You stay at the far end of the yard all week and l will stay at this end and we will get on great.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My female airborne instructor asked us females before our first jump if we were wearing a tampon or a pad. We asked why. She stated so we don't whistle on the way down.

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"If you was a spice, you'd be flour"

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"My female airborne instructor asked us females before our first jump if we were wearing a tampon or a pad. We asked why. She stated so we don't whistle on the way down. "

Lol snortled at this one

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"You stay at the far end of the yard all week and l will stay at this end and we will get on great."

Sounds diplomatic

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"Someday you'll go far - i hope you stay there!

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"- I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you

- I'm glad you think highly of yourself. Someone has to "

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"Cockwomble"

One of my favourite words

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By *orphia2003Woman
over a year ago

Tonypandy.

"Cockwomble"

My favourite insult.

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By *r_PinkMan
over a year ago

london stratford

Poof? poof my arse!

I've shay bigger poofs

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

"You're as much use as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest"

"You're going round in circles like a one-legged duck in a whirlpool"

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

I like this one.

Why am I even talking to you, you are a Neanderthal.

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By *adhatter and coCouple
over a year ago

Middle of mayo n peaceful tranquility

If brains were birdshit you would have a very clean cage....

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By *eacupsbearCouple
over a year ago

York

You Cunting Fuckhole..

I seem to say it a lot..

Luckily it's only at NPC's on video games lol.

You festering tit.

Snaggletoothed witch.

Trawling Accident.

Son of a Donkeys bottom biter.

A few of the many.

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By *ndycoinsMan
over a year ago

Whaley Bridge,Nr Buxton,

Caro Sporos= seed of a donkey

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By *lutandhubbyCouple
over a year ago

west midlands

who put 50p in the idiot ?

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By *lutandhubbyCouple
over a year ago

west midlands

who left the bag of idiots open?

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

You're about as much use as Anne Frank's drumkit.

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By *ncemoreroundthesunCouple
over a year ago

on the move

As thick as a whale omelette.

What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman
over a year ago

North West

As much use as a marzipan dildo.

Is one of my favourite insults.

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By *udy3Man
over a year ago

Corby

Your wife’s a hairy biker

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By *aturistExplorerMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

My best mate gave me the best insult I've ever heard and I laughed harder than I've done in years. My daughter was there and it left her shocked and confused.

I'm a naturist and have a hot tub I use naked. My mate isn't open like me and it bothers him to see me naked. This particular night I was going to use the hot tub but my mate came over. My daughter sat with us and said, I thought you were using the tub tonight Dad. I said not yet, Paul doesn't like to see me clothed off. To which Paul shuck his head and sighed. There was a pause and a silence, and then, with a straight face my best friend in the world said, a though just thinking out loud, "who know, couple of year, if I let myself go, ...maybe I could look like that."

I nearly fell off my chair laughing, whilst my daughter, a woke millennial, sat there looking shocked.

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By *igboobstCouple
over a year ago

barrow

Looks like she run a marathon behind a gritter

Face like you've been bobbing for aapples in a deep fat fryer

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By *aGaGagging for itCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

You're 10lb of shit in a 5lb bag.

I've got one asshole in my pants so don't need another.

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By *ny1localMan
over a year ago

READING

You want to lose 10 pounds of ugly fat..cut off your head.

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By *ny1localMan
over a year ago

READING

I'm now reminded of a lovely old guy I worked with,a gentle soul..another worker (blonde bombshell),but a bunny boiler, said 'you're undressing me with your eyes ',He replied 'f..k off, you're ugly enough with your clothes on '.

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"I'm now reminded of a lovely old guy I worked with,a gentle soul..another worker (blonde bombshell),but a bunny boiler, said 'you're undressing me with your eyes ',He replied 'f..k off, you're ugly enough with your clothes on '."

Scorchio

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"You're 10lb of shit in a 5lb bag.

I've got one asshole in my pants so don't need another."

Harsh but brilliant

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"Looks like she run a marathon behind a gritter

Face like you've been bobbing for aapples in a deep fat fryer "

Brutal

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"My best mate gave me the best insult I've ever heard and I laughed harder than I've done in years. My daughter was there and it left her shocked and confused.

I nearly fell off my chair laughing, whilst my daughter, a woke millennial, sat there looking shocked.

Lol that’s what best mates are for

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"Your wife’s a hairy biker "

Ouch!

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"As much use as a marzipan dildo.

Is one of my favourite insults. "

Lol. But has anyone done the research?

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"As thick as a whale omelette.

Whale omelette lol.

Now I’m trying to remember where I heard the second one

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"You're about as much use as Anne Frank's drumkit."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You dress like an E*cort so you deserve to be treated like one....

From a middle aged chip on shoulder excuse of a Man

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"who left the bag of idiots open?"

Both fab

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman
over a year ago

North West

"As much use as a marzipan dildo.

Is one of my favourite insults.

Lol. But has anyone done the research? "

Sydney University.

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"You dress like an E*cort so you deserve to be treated like one....

From a middle aged chip on shoulder excuse of a Man "

Knee to groin moment?

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"As much use as a marzipan dildo.

Is one of my favourite insults.

Lol. But has anyone done the research?

Sydney University.

Lol bloody Aussies get everywhere

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"You Cunting Fuckhole..

I seem to say it a lot..

Luckily it's only at NPC's on video games lol.

You festering tit.

Snaggletoothed witch.

Trawling Accident.

Son of a Donkeys bottom biter.

A few of the many."

Quite a broad and impressive repertoire

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"If brains were birdshit you would have a very clean cage...."

Tweet lol

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"He thinks Cheerios are doughnut seeds."

They’re not? Lol

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"I like this one.

Why am I even talking to you, you are a Neanderthal."

Apparently they still do live amongst us lol

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

""You're as much use as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest"

"You're going round in circles like a one-legged duck in a whirlpool""

Good for work environment

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By *eacupsbearCouple
over a year ago

York

"You Cunting Fuckhole..

I seem to say it a lot..

Luckily it's only at NPC's on video games lol.

You festering tit.

Snaggletoothed witch.

Trawling Accident.

Son of a Donkeys bottom biter.

A few of the many.

Quite a broad and impressive repertoire

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your so old the only furniture you should be looking at are ones with a lid.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“ I’d love to have a battle of wits with you, but I refuse to fight against someone whose unarmed”

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

If wit were shit you'd be constipated

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"Your so old the only furniture you should be looking at are ones with a lid."

Oooft!

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"“ I’d love to have a battle of wits with you, but I refuse to fight against someone whose unarmed”

Clever I like it

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"If wit were shit you'd be constipated "

Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I ordered a truck load of idiots and all I got was you, I’d have got my moneys worth

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"If I ordered a truck load of idiots and all I got was you, I’d have got my moneys worth "

Lol

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By *estinyIsAllCouple
over a year ago

Staffordshire

"Who put 50p in the cunt?" is one I chuckled at.

D x

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By *oquars19458Man
over a year ago

sheffield

"You dress like an E*cort so you deserve to be treated like one....

From a middle aged chip on shoulder excuse of a Man "

I always treat €scorts nicely,

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By *oquars19458Man
over a year ago

sheffield

If I looked like you I’d shave my arse and walk on my hands

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By *uri00620Woman
over a year ago

Croydon

Said to me as a fat reference after a "no thank you message" but did make me chuckle - "I thought you people were meant to be jolly"

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"If I looked like you I’d shave my arse and walk on my hands"

Harsh but funny lol

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"Said to me as a fat reference after a "no thank you message" but did make me chuckle - "I thought you people were meant to be jolly""

Spiteful , and irrelevant from looking at your pics

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By *ycanNightsMan
over a year ago

Workington

I was messaged by a woman to tell me my bio meant I was too fussy for a "single male"..

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By *uri00620Woman
over a year ago

Croydon

"Said to me as a fat reference after a "no thank you message" but did make me chuckle - "I thought you people were meant to be jolly"

Spiteful , and irrelevant from looking at your pics"

I chuckled... I'm really not going to get uptight about a comment like that. I didn't think it was the best insult but thought it amusing nonetheless. My profile picture is really old so perhaps not irrelevant!

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By *oalie66Man
over a year ago

Chesterfield

"What's up with you,you've got a face like a yard of gravy"

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

""What's up with you,you've got a face like a yard of gravy""

Confusing but defo funny lol

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry

I remember when I was basic training one of the lads reply when he was asked to get something by another lad:

"And why don't you get a spoon and eat my arse".

(Which I think he'd taken inspiration from the film American Pie if I'm not mistaken).

To which the reply came back sharp as anything in a thick Scottish accent:

"I'd need a fucking ladle you fat cunt, now go get it".

Just the timing, the accent and the wit (IMO) still makes me chuckle today and that was about 20 years ago.

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"I remember when I was basic training one of the lads reply when he was asked to get something by another lad:

"And why don't you get a spoon and eat my arse".

(Which I think he'd taken inspiration from the film American Pie if I'm not mistaken).

To which the reply came back sharp as anything in a thick Scottish accent:

"I'd need a fucking ladle you fat cunt, now go get it".

Just the timing, the accent and the wit (IMO) still makes me chuckle today and that was about 20 years ago.

Defo a good retort that one

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By *ust little old me 13Man
over a year ago

Preston

If you're the answer

What's the fucking question lol

French teacher to me at school,for yet again disrupting his class, clowning around

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By *orkguyMan
over a year ago

york

I was once told to, and I quote “fuck off you fucking fucker”… I forget the context, but I can only assume I had somehow upset a chap with a rather limited vocabulary

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"If you're the answer

What's the fucking question lol

French teacher to me at school,for yet again disrupting his class, clowning around

Deep but funny lol

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"I was once told to, and I quote “fuck off you fucking fucker”… I forget the context, but I can only assume I had somehow upset a chap with a rather limited vocabulary"

He Defo sounds like a Mensa member to me lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Got called a rugged neanderthal - I thanked her - she was not amused hahaha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I got called a tory chavy bastard earlier today for saying no thanks. That tickled me."

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By *ieselJuiceMan
over a year ago

Stratford

Who put 2p into this talking cunt?

(I was referring to a chap who was making a racial comment)

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By *ust little old me 13Man
over a year ago

Preston

"If you're the answer

What's the fucking question lol

French teacher to me at school,for yet again disrupting his class, clowning around

Deep but funny lol"

I thought it was hilarious,I was I pieces when he said it, which then made the other 30 kids erupt into laughter,I fucking loved that lesson

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Fulwood

(Looking at my phone) Ohhhh youve set of my twat alarm again!!

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By *orphia2003Woman
over a year ago

Tonypandy.

"You dress like an E*cort so you deserve to be treated like one....

From a middle aged chip on shoulder excuse of a Man "

Best response to that.

And even.if you held up a bank, you couldn't afford a minute of my time. (Then knee to the groin)

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"(Looking at my phone) Ohhhh youve set of my twat alarm again!!

Lol

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By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
over a year ago

stanley

"You dress like an E*cort so you deserve to be treated like one....

From a middle aged chip on shoulder excuse of a Man

Best response to that.

And even.if you held up a bank, you couldn't afford a minute of my time. (Then knee to the groin)"

Sounds good

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By *illan-KillashMan
over a year ago

London/Sussex/Surrey/Berks/Hants

My current favourites;

If we were on a plane about to crash and only had one parachute, I promise I'd give an amazing speech at your funeral.

If I lent you £50 and never saw you again, it was probably worth every penny.

A European neurosurgeon isn't coming for your job Kevin, they have a PhD. You have two GCSEs and an STI.

Common sense seems to be chasing you, but you appear to be too quick for it.

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