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"Jennie the Omniscient - on what date of autumn do you start calling your summer house "the shed" ?" The summerhouse is called the summerhouse all year long. Shed is a dirty word implying tools and old men, none of which will be found. | |||
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"Oh Oracle. Will my house ever sell? Or am I doomed to see the rest of my life out in my childhood bedroom? " Your house will have sold by this time next year. Revel in your childhood memories and don’t wish your life away | |||
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"Dear All Seeing and All Knowing Jennie. You'll know I'm about to ask this but anyhoo, tomorrow it's October. Is it okay to declare it's witch season at every given opportunity and wear Halloween themed lingerie whenever you see someone?" It is fine to declare witch season once in every conversation and hallowe’en lingerie is acceptable from tomorrow until the 31st. | |||
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"Oh, Jennie, you great and might temptress. When will work stop trying to kill me?" Next Thursday. Or maybe the the Thursday after | |||
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"Dear All Seeing and All Knowing Jennie. You'll know I'm about to ask this but anyhoo, tomorrow it's October. Is it okay to declare it's witch season at every given opportunity and wear Halloween themed lingerie whenever you see someone?" I'd like to say, not only okay but outright expected. Though why the comment about October before the question? | |||
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"Dear All Seeing and All Knowing Jennie. You'll know I'm about to ask this but anyhoo, tomorrow it's October. Is it okay to declare it's witch season at every given opportunity and wear Halloween themed lingerie whenever you see someone? I'd like to say, not only okay but outright expected. Though why the comment about October before the question?" ![]() | |||
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"Dear All Seeing and All Knowing Jennie. You'll know I'm about to ask this but anyhoo, tomorrow it's October. Is it okay to declare it's witch season at every given opportunity and wear Halloween themed lingerie whenever you see someone? I'd like to say, not only okay but outright expected. Though why the comment about October before the question?" You are correct mon Cherie, it is indeed expected for all beautiful ladies to adorn themselves with Halloween lingerie. That includes you ![]() | |||
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"Dear All Seeing and All Knowing Jennie. You'll know I'm about to ask this but anyhoo, tomorrow it's October. Is it okay to declare it's witch season at every given opportunity and wear Halloween themed lingerie whenever you see someone? I'd like to say, not only okay but outright expected. Though why the comment about October before the question? ![]() Get yourself an extra PSL lovely ![]() | |||
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"Should I wank over the mrs’s tits and face tonight ? Or give her a good dicking ? The mr " You should take her for an expensive and romantic dinner then make love to her like the beautiful woman she is | |||
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"Oh wonderful oracle Jennie, can you use your omnipotent powers to locate my self confidence send it back to me and convince it not to be so flaky please" If you look in the back right pocket of the last pair of trousers you wore you’ll find it there. Treat it nicely and it will reward you with loyalty | |||
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"Should I wank over the mrs’s tits and face tonight ? Or give her a good dicking ? The mr You should take her for an expensive and romantic dinner then make love to her like the beautiful woman she is " Chippy and I cheeky finger behind the bins then. Who going to watch the kids or should I just leave them in bed. After all we’re not in Portugal. The mr | |||
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"Oh great Oracle - I'm at a loose end this afternoon and evening. If I was to post a meet, what is the likelihood of me actually getting a meet?" Don’t bother. Have you tried a tv in your bedroom? | |||
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"Should I wank over the mrs’s tits and face tonight ? Or give her a good dicking ? The mr You should take her for an expensive and romantic dinner then make love to her like the beautiful woman she is Chippy and I cheeky finger behind the bins then. Who going to watch the kids or should I just leave them in bed. After all we’re not in Portugal. The mr " If childcare is an issue a takeaway will suffice | |||
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"Jennie the Omniscient what is the meaning of fab life?" The meaning of fab life is whatever you want it to be. It includes glitter though | |||
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"Oh great Oracle - I'm at a loose end this afternoon and evening. If I was to post a meet, what is the likelihood of me actually getting a meet? Don’t bother. Have you tried a tv in your bedroom? " Ooh, definately something to consider. Any tips? | |||
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"Should I wank over the mrs’s tits and face tonight ? Or give her a good dicking ? The mr You should take her for an expensive and romantic dinner then make love to her like the beautiful woman she is Chippy and I cheeky finger behind the bins then. Who going to watch the kids or should I just leave them in bed. After all we’re not in Portugal. The mr " Excuse me, I was promised a jizzing on my face! Mrs ![]() | |||
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"Jennie the Omniscient what is the meaning of fab life? The meaning of fab life is whatever you want it to be. It includes glitter though " Okay I have another. How do I rescue the bumble bee trapped in my conservatory? | |||
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"Oh great Oracle - I'm at a loose end this afternoon and evening. If I was to post a meet, what is the likelihood of me actually getting a meet? Don’t bother. Have you tried a tv in your bedroom? Ooh, definately something to consider. Any tips?" Treat her with respect | |||
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"Should I wank over the mrs’s tits and face tonight ? Or give her a good dicking ? The mr You should take her for an expensive and romantic dinner then make love to her like the beautiful woman she is Chippy and I cheeky finger behind the bins then. Who going to watch the kids or should I just leave them in bed. After all we’re not in Portugal. The mr Excuse me, I was promised a jizzing on my face! Mrs ![]() That is not ladylike behaviour | |||
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"Jennie the Omniscient what is the meaning of fab life? The meaning of fab life is whatever you want it to be. It includes glitter though Okay I have another. How do I rescue the bumble bee trapped in my conservatory?" Download an app called ‘how to speak bee’. Learn it’s language and politely guide it to an open window or door | |||
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"Dear wise and all-knowing Oracle, what colour shall I dye my hair next? Jx" Orange and black for Halloween | |||
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"Jennie the Omniscient what is the meaning of fab life? The meaning of fab life is whatever you want it to be. It includes glitter though Okay I have another. How do I rescue the bumble bee trapped in my conservatory? Download an app called ‘how to speak bee’. Learn it’s language and politely guide it to an open window or door " **runs off to app store** dang it I'm rubbish at other languages | |||
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"Jennie the Omniscient what is the meaning of fab life? The meaning of fab life is whatever you want it to be. It includes glitter though Okay I have another. How do I rescue the bumble bee trapped in my conservatory? Download an app called ‘how to speak bee’. Learn it’s language and politely guide it to an open window or door **runs off to app store** dang it I'm rubbish at other languages " Speak slowly so it can understand you | |||
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"Dear wise and all-knowing Oracle, what colour shall I dye my hair next? Jx Orange and black for Halloween " Hmmm, that's not going to work over the lilac it is at the moment. It will turn to bleurghy mud. But you knew that as you're the Oracle so what you really said using subliminal messaging was dark, dark blue ![]() | |||
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"Jennie the Omniscient what is the meaning of fab life? The meaning of fab life is whatever you want it to be. It includes glitter though Okay I have another. How do I rescue the bumble bee trapped in my conservatory? Download an app called ‘how to speak bee’. Learn it’s language and politely guide it to an open window or door **runs off to app store** dang it I'm rubbish at other languages Speak slowly so it can understand you " **doths cap** buzzzzzzzzzzzzz | |||
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"Dear wise and all-knowing Oracle, what colour shall I dye my hair next? Jx Orange and black for Halloween Hmmm, that's not going to work over the lilac it is at the moment. It will turn to bleurghy mud. But you knew that as you're the Oracle so what you really said using subliminal messaging was dark, dark blue ![]() Precisely | |||
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"Oh great oracle, grand and noble. My friend likes sucking great big, fat, juicy, sweaty cocks. He also loves being fucked by big purple-headed penises at least ten times a day. All he thinks about is big dicks slapping his face and filling all his naughty holes. Is he gay? Many 'straight' men on fab are telling me he is perfectly straight. I'm confused. HELP!" Your 'friend' is Fab straight. Appears to all the world to be a raging hetter, but tragically riddled with The Ghey. | |||
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"Oracle did you think yourself superior to Ceefax?" Vastly | |||
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"Oh great oracle, grand and noble. My friend likes sucking great big, fat, juicy, sweaty cocks. He also loves being fucked by big purple-headed penises at least ten times a day. All he thinks about is big dicks slapping his face and filling all his naughty holes. Is he gay? Many 'straight' men on fab are telling me he is perfectly straight. I'm confused. HELP! Your 'friend' is Fab straight. Appears to all the world to be a raging hetter, but tragically riddled with The Ghey. " Is it ok if I call him a woofter, a wee billy hoofter? | |||
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"Oh great oracle, grand and noble. My friend likes sucking great big, fat, juicy, sweaty cocks. He also loves being fucked by big purple-headed penises at least ten times a day. All he thinks about is big dicks slapping his face and filling all his naughty holes. Is he gay? Many 'straight' men on fab are telling me he is perfectly straight. I'm confused. HELP! Your 'friend' is Fab straight. Appears to all the world to be a raging hetter, but tragically riddled with The Ghey. Is it ok if I call him a woofter, a wee billy hoofter?" That is the standard practice in Stirlingshire | |||
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"Dear wise and all knowing oracle that is Jennie…. How do you stop a heart from hurting " Stop caring | |||
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"Any parking spaces today?" Quick! That Skoda down the end in the left is just leaving! | |||
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"Dear wise and all knowing oracle that is Jennie…. How do you stop a heart from hurting " I don't think you can just stop it. It would be great if there was an off switch to your humanity, your feelings but over time you find it hurts a little less. Or you're a bit stronger and can make peace with it. I hope you get there soon, x | |||
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"Should I wank over the mrs’s tits and face tonight ? Or give her a good dicking ? The mr You should take her for an expensive and romantic dinner then make love to her like the beautiful woman she is Chippy and I cheeky finger behind the bins then. Who going to watch the kids or should I just leave them in bed. After all we’re not in Portugal. The mr Excuse me, I was promised a jizzing on my face! Mrs ![]() Good job I'm not ladylike ![]() | |||
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"Dear wise and all knowing oracle that is Jennie…. How do you stop a heart from hurting Stop caring " Or embrace the hurt as a demonstration that you have humanity. Smile as you think of the good times and find the strength to move on. Time heals. | |||
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"Oh Jennie do you think I should hide the answer to my code somewhere on the fab forums people to try and find?" Those that are worthy will find it, regardless | |||
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"Oh lovely Jennie, I need to buy myself some new casual ( not gym or running)trainers. What does the oracle foresee as the best ones to buy?" Puma Colibri SD, Adidas Gazelle, Ontisuka Tiger Mexico are all strong contenders | |||
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"Oh lovely Jennie, I need to buy myself some new casual ( not gym or running)trainers. What does the oracle foresee as the best ones to buy? Puma Colibri SD, Adidas Gazelle, Ontisuka Tiger Mexico are all strong contenders" Thank you, Gazelles are a fave ![]() | |||
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"Jennie the omniscient knows all and is ensconced in her summer house of wisdom. Come to the oracle and ask your question. The great all seeing and all knowing will provide your answer. (She's a bit rusty on Quantum Physics though!) Ask, and ye shall know. ![]() Oh all knowing: Will a cookie make me feel better? Oh and side question of lesser importance will I ever fall in love again? | |||
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"dear jennie going to fuerteventura next week do i hit that nudist beach little shy" Go for it, but avoid shuffling around like a zombie. The Wanking Dead is not a good look | |||
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"Jennie the omniscient knows all and is ensconced in her summer house of wisdom. Come to the oracle and ask your question. The great all seeing and all knowing will provide your answer. (She's a bit rusty on Quantum Physics though!) Ask, and ye shall know. ![]() Cookies are magical mood lifters. Love? Pah! | |||
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"Oh great all knowing Jennie, fountain of knowledge etc etc. Should I keep DCA investing in cryptocurrency or should I just accept I’ve missed the boat and I’ll never be a gazillionaire ![]() Crypto is a mugs game nowadays | |||
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"Oh all seeing and knowing Jenny As a single man of advancing years can you please predict when I likely to get a meeting through this site " As soon as you have learned to apply makeup, walk in heels and bought a half decent wig. #WorkedForMe | |||
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"Jennie the omniscient knows all and is ensconced in her summer house of wisdom. Come to the oracle and ask your question. The great all seeing and all knowing will provide your answer. (She's a bit rusty on Quantum Physics though!) Ask, and ye shall know. ![]() Knew it. Cookie yeah. Love meh. Thank you oracle. | |||
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"Dearest Oracle, it has been cloudy here all day but hasn't rained, should I chance putting my washing out on the line? Or will it chuck it down as soon as I've finished hanging it out?" A little light drizzle at worst. You should be safe | |||
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"Oh wise oracle Jennie. Please can you help me decide. Do I wear the blue dress or the red dress this evening? " Red. Absolutely. . To match your eyes! ![]() | |||
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"Oh all seeing and knowing Jenny As a single man of advancing years can you please predict when I likely to get a meeting through this site As soon as you have learned to apply makeup, walk in heels and bought a half decent wig. #WorkedForMe" Is there an alternative ![]() | |||
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"Oh great all knowing Jennie, fountain of knowledge etc etc. Should I keep DCA investing in cryptocurrency or should I just accept I’ve missed the boat and I’ll never be a gazillionaire ![]() Oh wise Jennie, sadly you have confirmed my suspicions. Do you want to buy a kidney? ![]() | |||
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"Oh great all knowing Jennie, fountain of knowledge etc etc. Should I keep DCA investing in cryptocurrency or should I just accept I’ve missed the boat and I’ll never be a gazillionaire ![]() ![]() Thanks but trying to give them up | |||
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"Oh all seeing and knowing Jenny As a single man of advancing years can you please predict when I likely to get a meeting through this site As soon as you have learned to apply makeup, walk in heels and bought a half decent wig. #WorkedForMe Is there an alternative ![]() There is, but it involves patience and playing the long game. And let's face it, who's got time for that? | |||
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"Oh beautiful and all knowing Oracle - when will it be onesie weather? " There will be a brief 2 day period in 22/23 Oct, then from 4th Nov onwards | |||
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"Dearest Oracle, it has been cloudy here all day but hasn't rained, should I chance putting my washing out on the line? Or will it chuck it down as soon as I've finished hanging it out? A little light drizzle at worst. You should be safe" Thanks oh wise one, its out now! | |||
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"Oh beautiful and all knowing Oracle - when will it be onesie weather? There will be a brief 2 day period in 22/23 Oct, then from 4th Nov onwards " I shall get them lined up ready. | |||
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"Dearest Oracle, it has been cloudy here all day but hasn't rained, should I chance putting my washing out on the line? Or will it chuck it down as soon as I've finished hanging it out? A little light drizzle at worst. You should be safe Thanks oh wise one, its out now!" Should be dry any time now | |||
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"Dearest Oracle, it has been cloudy here all day but hasn't rained, should I chance putting my washing out on the line? Or will it chuck it down as soon as I've finished hanging it out? A little light drizzle at worst. You should be safe Thanks oh wise one, its out now! Should be dry any time now" You're right, it nearly is, your Oracle skills are second to none! ![]() | |||
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"Dearest Oracle, it has been cloudy here all day but hasn't rained, should I chance putting my washing out on the line? Or will it chuck it down as soon as I've finished hanging it out? A little light drizzle at worst. You should be safe Thanks oh wise one, its out now! Should be dry any time now You're right, it nearly is, your Oracle skills are second to none! ![]() Its a gift | |||
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"Oh Glamacle (glamorous oracle - see what I tried and failed to do there?) Say, for the sake of discussion, a friend of yours had recorded a particularly explicit short video for a Fab friend. Say that it was well received. And say that some time has passed. Should your friend pop it up on their Fab gallery and risk ridicule for its filth, or should they chuck it in the bin and be glad it was fun for a one-off?" The Oracle should assess said video. She obviously knows the content, because she is omniscient, but even so... | |||
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"The Oracle should assess said video. She obviously knows the content, because she is omniscient, but even so..." Even so. Of course. | |||
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"Oh Jennie the wise one, Will I get my hands on a youngish milf next week? ![]() It’s unlikely. An old hag is more in your future | |||
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"Oh Jennie the wise one, Will I get my hands on a youngish milf next week? ![]() Standard practice is to walk in the park or along the canal. They throw themselves at you! | |||
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"Oh Jennie the wise one, Will I get my hands on a youngish milf next week? ![]() Thank you wise one, I'll get some bread for the ducks | |||
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"Oh Jennie the wise one, Will I get my hands on a youngish milf next week? ![]() Wholemeal is best for ducks... white bread is very bad for them ![]() | |||
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"Oh Jennie the wise one, Will I get my hands on a youngish milf next week? ![]() ![]() I thought ducks preferred pancake rolls ![]() | |||
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"Oh Jennie the wise one, Will I get my hands on a youngish milf next week? ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Oracle, I have been in the bath for over an hour, friends said they'd saved food for me at 7.30. Should I make the effort to go round (it's now cold lasagne) or should I just top up the water and add wrinkles to my aged wrinkles?" Ask them to deliver the food to you in the bath. Top up the hot water. Eat the lasagna | |||
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"Oracle, I have been in the bath for over an hour, friends said they'd saved food for me at 7.30. Should I make the effort to go round (it's now cold lasagne) or should I just top up the water and add wrinkles to my aged wrinkles? Ask them to deliver the food to you in the bath. Top up the hot water. Eat the lasagna " Oh what a great oracle, I may have to marry you! | |||
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"Oracle, I have been in the bath for over an hour, friends said they'd saved food for me at 7.30. Should I make the effort to go round (it's now cold lasagne) or should I just top up the water and add wrinkles to my aged wrinkles? Ask them to deliver the food to you in the bath. Top up the hot water. Eat the lasagna Oh what a great oracle, I may have to marry you!" The oracle is above such mundane traditions. Blow jobs accepted ![]() | |||
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"Oracle, I have been in the bath for over an hour, friends said they'd saved food for me at 7.30. Should I make the effort to go round (it's now cold lasagne) or should I just top up the water and add wrinkles to my aged wrinkles? Ask them to deliver the food to you in the bath. Top up the hot water. Eat the lasagna Oh what a great oracle, I may have to marry you! The oracle is above such mundane traditions. Blow jobs accepted ![]() Unfortunately Oracle, LB gave different advice, and since it is someone's leaving do I had better get my arse in gear and head over. | |||
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"Dearest Oracle, I ask this every time.. when will I get laid ![]() 5 months is but a drop in the ocean of time. Come back in 5 years | |||
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"Dearest Oracle, I ask this every time.. when will I get laid ![]() Demi, there are some idiots in this world. Play it cool and chat to some nice people and I predict you will have fun before the end of November. (Ps. The Oracle has just served a writ on me for soothsaying on her thread) | |||
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"Oh Oracle, when will the weather become too cold to wear shorts?" If you are a postman it’ll never be too cold. The rest of us mere mortals will be in trousers from Monday | |||
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"Dearest Oracle, I ask this every time.. when will I get laid ![]() Ahem. There is only one oracle! Please desist your impostoring! | |||
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"Oracle, I have been in the bath for over an hour, friends said they'd saved food for me at 7.30. Should I make the effort to go round (it's now cold lasagne) or should I just top up the water and add wrinkles to my aged wrinkles? Ask them to deliver the food to you in the bath. Top up the hot water. Eat the lasagna Oh what a great oracle, I may have to marry you! The oracle is above such mundane traditions. Blow jobs accepted ![]() I am not the oracle though… ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Who was the best at solving murder cases Jennie....Columbo or JB Fletcher " Jb fletcher. Easy | |||
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"Who was the best at solving murder cases Jennie....Columbo or JB Fletcher Jb fletcher. Easy " She did all the murders though ![]() | |||
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"Oracle, I have been in the bath for over an hour, friends said they'd saved food for me at 7.30. Should I make the effort to go round (it's now cold lasagne) or should I just top up the water and add wrinkles to my aged wrinkles? Ask them to deliver the food to you in the bath. Top up the hot water. Eat the lasagna Oh what a great oracle, I may have to marry you! The oracle is above such mundane traditions. Blow jobs accepted ![]() ![]() ![]() LB, I am still in the bath! I must go or I will be shot! | |||
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"Dearest beautiful Oracle. I don’t have a question for you this evening… well maybe just one… FAF? ![]() See me after the session has ended ![]() | |||
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"Who was the best at solving murder cases Jennie....Columbo or JB Fletcher Jb fletcher. Easy She did all the murders though ![]() Hence the solving! | |||
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"Dearest beautiful Oracle. I don’t have a question for you this evening… well maybe just one… FAF? ![]() ![]() Your wish is my command ![]() | |||
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"Dear Oracle, how long after getting the tattoo can I have a glass of wine please? (Or two, they always come in pairs for some reason). The Fab karaoke won’t just do itself, you know? So, when? ![]() ![]() ![]() The wine can be d*unk approximately 8 hours after the tattoo, in moderation | |||
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"Dear Oracle, how long after getting the tattoo can I have a glass of wine please? (Or two, they always come in pairs for some reason). The Fab karaoke won’t just do itself, you know? So, when? ![]() ![]() ![]() Dear Oracle, thank you for your time to answer my burning question. If I may, what does *in moderation* mean please? P. S. It’s been 80 hours. | |||
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"Dear Oracle, how long after getting the tattoo can I have a glass of wine please? (Or two, they always come in pairs for some reason). The Fab karaoke won’t just do itself, you know? So, when? ![]() ![]() ![]() In that case crack on young one. A bottle will do you | |||
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"Dear Oracle, how long after getting the tattoo can I have a glass of wine please? (Or two, they always come in pairs for some reason). The Fab karaoke won’t just do itself, you know? So, when? ![]() ![]() ![]() A bottle it is then. (Thank you The Wise One) | |||
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"Dearest Oracle, I ask this every time.. when will I get laid ![]() Demi. This question has vexed me somewhat, and so I have consulted the tarot cards. I have drawn the kilted man card, the seven of dildos and the seven of dicks. My interpretation is there us link to Scotland, and the two sevens tell me fourteen. Either fourteen months, weeks, or days. Given the importance of seven, I am getting the vibe of two weeks, ie, a fortnight. . Does this resonate with you? | |||
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"Why? " I may be mad I may be blind I may be viciously unkind But I can still read what you're thinking | |||
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"Dear oracle, Which is tastier buttered crumpets or spotted dick? OBS" We all like a bit of dick | |||
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"Dearest Oracle font of all things knowledge based, I have many questions, when will it all end? Will I get to snog someone before it does, what the fuck is VAR doing, but more importantly grey beards yes or no " The beard - yes As for the rest... it will end when its all over. The snog will happen when the time is right. VAR just delays tbe inevitable | |||
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"Dearest Oracle, I ask this every time.. when will I get laid ![]() Hmm, none of this sounds familiar to me. ![]() | |||
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"Dearest Oracle, I ask this every time.. when will I get laid ![]() ![]() It will, my lovely, it will. | |||
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"Hmm, none of this sounds familiar to me. ![]() Oh, I think the Oracle might be on to something … ![]() | |||
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"Dear oracle, Which is tastier buttered crumpets or spotted dick? OBS We all like a bit of dick" ![]() | |||
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"Dear oracle, Which is tastier buttered crumpets or spotted dick? OBS We all like a bit of dick ![]() The Oracle's choice is akways right. She's omniscient | |||
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"Dear O.J. As epochs come and go, when will this one go and FAB be rid of bleeding hearts, kneejerkers and the downright delusional and adulthood and humour be restored to it's rightful position ? " Sadly, Granny, I fear there is a glitch in the predictive matrix. This question even I cannot answer. My crystal ball is clouded by all the sobbing, sighing, manking and moaning. I fear we are entering tje End Times. | |||
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"This is the month i find out if magic is real" Oh it's real. Believe in the magic of your dreams. | |||
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