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"Things that no one tells you about being poly; You need lots of underwear to leave at your different partners houses. What else are the things that no one tells you about being poly? " Toothbrushes too | |||
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"Things that no one tells you about being poly; You need lots of underwear to leave at your different partners houses. What else are the things that no one tells you about being poly? Toothbrushes too " Agreed. Also, when you want ‘that outfit’ you never know where it might be | |||
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"Things that no one tells you about being poly; You need lots of underwear to leave at your different partners houses. What else are the things that no one tells you about being poly? Toothbrushes too Agreed. Also, when you want ‘that outfit’ you never know where it might be" But that’s also a nice surprise. Oh, I left that outfit that theirs! or it’s a [name of partner]’s special outfit now. I do quite like that at times.  | |||
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"Nobody tells you that’s it’s extremely expensive when you’re actively dating " Charge it to the game | |||
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"Nobody tells you that’s it’s extremely expensive when you’re actively dating Charge it to the game " Excellent execution. I hate you  | |||
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"Also nobody tells you that it can hurt a lot. Because there’s lots of possible heartbreak in a lifetime even if you have a nesting partner for life. "  | |||
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"Also nobody tells you that it can hurt a lot. Because there’s lots of possible heartbreak in a lifetime even if you have a nesting partner for life. " Yes! Multiple connections means multiple endings | |||
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"NRE is wonderful but... don't let things slide with those you're already seeing. It's easy to get carried away, to be intoxicated by NRE but try and do it mindfully." Also NRE be confusing as fuck because I’ll be like ‘I think I’m falling in love wow’ and then a week later I’ll be like ‘eurgh I think I’ve just got the ick’.
NRE can lull you into thinking you’re further along with a person than you are. So yes be mindful of what’s real and what’s not | |||
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"Also nobody tells you that it can hurt a lot. Because there’s lots of possible heartbreak in a lifetime even if you have a nesting partner for life. Yes! Multiple connections means multiple endings"  | |||
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"Things that no one tells you about being poly; You need lots of underwear to leave at your different partners houses. What else are the things that no one tells you about being poly? Toothbrushes too " And contact lenses and solution
Oh and to have a hairbrush permanently living in your bag | |||
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"Surely the easy answer is to just have them always come to your place. Problem solved! You only need normal amounts of stuff, all in once place. Think smarter, not harder. " Oh my god, what an absolute genius!  | |||
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"NRE is wonderful but... don't let things slide with those you're already seeing. It's easy to get carried away, to be intoxicated by NRE but try and do it mindfully. Also NRE be confusing as fuck because I’ll be like ‘I think I’m falling in love wow’ and then a week later I’ll be like ‘eurgh I think I’ve just got the ick’.
NRE can lull you into thinking you’re further along with a person than you are. So yes be mindful of what’s real and what’s not "Yes! Why does that happen? It's enough that we've got to have good calendars, spend more money and potentially have more hurt. Add in getting the ick after the NRE wears off and it's a wonder why anyone is poly. | |||
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"Surely the easy answer is to just have them always come to your place. Problem solved! You only need normal amounts of stuff, all in once place. Think smarter, not harder. " But then you have to put the loo seat down. | |||
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"Calender management if your in kitchen table poly to ensure you don't double book " Time management, no matter which type of polyamory you partake in, has to be a strength. As does communication. | |||
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"NRE is wonderful but... don't let things slide with those you're already seeing. It's easy to get carried away, to be intoxicated by NRE but try and do it mindfully." NRE.? | |||
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"Also nobody tells you that it can hurt a lot. Because there’s lots of possible heartbreak in a lifetime even if you have a nesting partner for life. " Boom that's why I will never be poly. | |||
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"NRE is wonderful but... don't let things slide with those you're already seeing. It's easy to get carried away, to be intoxicated by NRE but try and do it mindfully. NRE.? " New Relationship Energy | |||
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"Things that no one tells you about being poly; You need lots of underwear to leave at your different partners houses. What else are the things that no one tells you about being poly? " The getting of birthdays wrong.....  | |||
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"NRE is wonderful but... don't let things slide with those you're already seeing. It's easy to get carried away, to be intoxicated by NRE but try and do it mindfully. NRE.? New Relationship Energy " Well every days a school day. Is that a bit like NGCE when I buy a new set of golf clubs? But then realise I am just as crap with the new ones as I was with the old ones? | |||
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"monogamous people think you’re just cheating. " I don't but I do think that there is a great deal of delusion surrounding many 'claims' of polyamory that I witness periodically. Some call themselves poly whilst simply not committing to one 'partner' and shagging around. That doesn't constitute polyamory unless it's changed radically. | |||
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"The filla is good. Used some on the lounge wall." Does what it said on the tin? | |||
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"How do you poly crew keep the jealousy and insecurity out of your relationships? " It varies so much, like in a monogamous relationship. Sometimes people really aren't poly and just want to focus on one person emotionally and fuck around with others. I've learnt that honesty and clear communication results in me not feeling any. I can feel happy for my partner(s) enjoying themselves, that new energy that comes about and the evident happiness that springs forth. Someone's happiness, their other dynamics/relationships doesn't affect me until it does. It doesn't make me lesser because someone is enjoying spending time with another person, doesn't dilute our relationship. Until it does. I don't really feel jealousy but I can definitely feel insecure - like if someone tells me the situation is x and then I later discover it's y. Like being told nothing has changed, someone is just a friend until you find out a few days later that it's not true. I don't understand lying and I think in poly dynamics it shouldn't really be there. Another thing I've learnt? It's possible to be cheated on during a poly relationship. You wouldn't think it would be but sadly it happens. Now I know the behaviour that results in my insecurity coming out to play. My insecurities aren't pleasant, I know where it stems from so I'm actively avoiding that and establishing open and honest communication as very important to me from the beginning. I don't want those feelings of insecurity to appear in future relationships and I truly believe that if approached with kindness, trust and respect for each other, they don't. | |||
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"How do you poly crew keep the jealousy and insecurity out of your relationships? " Talking, lots of talking. Jealousy and insecurities are usually a symptom that needs aren’t being met, so you need to understand yourself and what you want, then be able to communicate that effectively with your partner | |||
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"How do you poly crew keep the jealousy and insecurity out of your relationships? It varies so much, like in a monogamous relationship. Sometimes people really aren't poly and just want to focus on one person emotionally and fuck around with others. I've learnt that honesty and clear communication results in me not feeling any. I can feel happy for my partner(s) enjoying themselves, that new energy that comes about and the evident happiness that springs forth. Someone's happiness, their other dynamics/relationships doesn't affect me until it does. It doesn't make me lesser because someone is enjoying spending time with another person, doesn't dilute our relationship. Until it does. I don't really feel jealousy but I can definitely feel insecure - like if someone tells me the situation is x and then I later discover it's y. Like being told nothing has changed, someone is just a friend until you find out a few days later that it's not true. I don't understand lying and I think in poly dynamics it shouldn't really be there. Another thing I've learnt? It's possible to be cheated on during a poly relationship. You wouldn't think it would be but sadly it happens. Now I know the behaviour that results in my insecurity coming out to play. My insecurities aren't pleasant, I know where it stems from so I'm actively avoiding that and establishing open and honest communication as very important to me from the beginning. I don't want those feelings of insecurity to appear in future relationships and I truly believe that if approached with kindness, trust and respect for each other, they don't." And how would it work if one of you wanted to make things monogamous and the other didn’t? Would that bring it to an end? Basically it sounds like being decent to everyone is the way to make it work and not long one person off in favour of another? | |||
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"Surely the easy answer is to just have them always come to your place. Problem solved! You only need normal amounts of stuff, all in once place. Think smarter, not harder. " Right, but then that means whoever is visiting you needs those things at your place so the comment is still relevant. | |||
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"Only a small subset of people can actually be poly. Many attempt it to discover that like the overwhelming number of people in society, it's not for them. I think most of us are hard wired (myself included) to only have the capacity for one deep and significant emotional investment at a time. I think this is central to the concept of the traditional family unit. Rightly so as well, as I doubt a mostly poly society would be a functional or stable one." The traditional family unit is rare these days. When it is functional, it is the best thing for the family and probably society. The problem is these days it's just not happening and a badly functioning family unit I believe is worse than the so called broken marriage. This was certainly true in my case. My marriage was not fulfilling me at all. I was so much happier as a single mum and my kids were too. Dating though as a single mum is hard so I just stayed celibate until they grew up. I wouldn't have survived without having a bedroom far from the kids bedroom and a wonderful vibrator | |||
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"Only a small subset of people can actually be poly. Many attempt it to discover that like the overwhelming number of people in society, it's not for them. I think most of us are hard wired (myself included) to only have the capacity for one deep and significant emotional investment at a time. I think this is central to the concept of the traditional family unit. Rightly so as well, as I doubt a mostly poly society would be a functional or stable one. The traditional family unit is rare these days. When it is functional, it is the best thing for the family and probably society. The problem is these days it's just not happening and a badly functioning family unit I believe is worse than the so called broken marriage. This was certainly true in my case. My marriage was not fulfilling me at all. I was so much happier as a single mum and my kids were too. Dating though as a single mum is hard so I just stayed celibate until they grew up. I wouldn't have survived without having a bedroom far from the kids bedroom and a wonderful vibrator "Do you really believe it is rare? I don't. | |||
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That even people who do accept that your relationships are "real", will likely presume you operate on a hierarchical basis and fixate on this as the only valid poly relationship structure.
That people will seemingly never tire of asking you who your favourite is | |||
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"How do you poly crew keep the jealousy and insecurity out of your relationships? " Open communication. Not making either a taboo subject. I think that applies universally for me. If it feels like I or a partner can't be vulnerable and share thoughts or feelings then it slowly poisons the well. 'holding out' to quote an old partner. | |||
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"How do you poly crew keep the jealousy and insecurity out of your relationships? " You don't keep them out. You embrace them, examine them, support each other through them, develop and grow emotionally together. | |||
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"How do you poly crew keep the jealousy and insecurity out of your relationships? " Compersion and communication. | |||
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"How do you poly crew keep the jealousy and insecurity out of your relationships? Compersion and communication. " • I was actually going to ask this as well (but was too afraid to ask): does compersion play a pivotal role when it comes to 'successful' polyamory?  | |||
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"How do you poly crew keep the jealousy and insecurity out of your relationships? Compersion and communication. • I was actually going to ask this as well (but was too afraid to ask): does compersion play a pivotal role when it comes to 'successful' polyamory? "She does. | |||
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"How do you poly crew keep the jealousy and insecurity out of your relationships? Compersion and communication. • I was actually going to ask this as well (but was too afraid to ask): does compersion play a pivotal role when it comes to 'successful' polyamory?
She does. "Seriously though, yes I think it does for me. I am happy for all of my partners when they are happy and when they find happiness. I think if I felt other things about my partners being with other people or doing other things I’d want them to be positive or else I’d think I’m not really doing poly well. | |||
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"How do you poly crew keep the jealousy and insecurity out of your relationships? Compersion and communication. " What is compersion? | |||
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"How do you poly crew keep the jealousy and insecurity out of your relationships? Compersion and communication. What is compersion?" • Opposite of jealousy, or thereabouts. | |||
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"How do you poly crew keep the jealousy and insecurity out of your relationships? Compersion and communication. What is compersion?" I understand it as the happiness you feel for your partner being happy with others. | |||
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"How do you poly crew keep the jealousy and insecurity out of your relationships? Compersion and communication. What is compersion?" Feeling happiness when someone you love is happy. J | |||
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" I was actually going to ask this as well (but was too afraid to ask): does compersion play a pivotal role when it comes to 'successful' polyamory? "There's no single right way to do poly. Compersion is lovely, but it's not essential. You can feel neutral or even indifferent about your partner's other connections and that is perfectly valid. | |||
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" I was actually going to ask this as well (but was too afraid to ask): does compersion play a pivotal role when it comes to 'successful' polyamory?
There's no single right way to do poly. Compersion is lovely, but it's not essential. You can feel neutral or even indifferent about your partner's other connections and that is perfectly valid."That’s v true. | |||
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"Only a small subset of people can actually be poly. Many attempt it to discover that like the overwhelming number of people in society, it's not for them. I think most of us are hard wired (myself included) to only have the capacity for one deep and significant emotional investment at a time. I think this is central to the concept of the traditional family unit. Rightly so as well, as I doubt a mostly poly society would be a functional or stable one. The traditional family unit is rare these days. When it is functional, it is the best thing for the family and probably society. The problem is these days it's just not happening and a badly functioning family unit I believe is worse than the so called broken marriage. This was certainly true in my case. My marriage was not fulfilling me at all. I was so much happier as a single mum and my kids were too. Dating though as a single mum is hard so I just stayed celibate until they grew up. I wouldn't have survived without having a bedroom far from the kids bedroom and a wonderful vibrator
Do you really believe it is rare? I don't. "I don't either. It doesn't have the same expression as say, 2 generations ago bit continues to be the norm most strive for. | |||
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"How do you poly crew keep the jealousy and insecurity out of your relationships? Compersion and communication. What is compersion? Feeling happiness when someone you love is happy. J" How did I get through 41 years without hearing this word | |||
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"Surely the easy answer is to just have them always come to your place. Problem solved! You only need normal amounts of stuff, all in once place. Think smarter, not harder. " Lol I like your thinking | |||
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"How do you poly crew keep the jealousy and insecurity out of your relationships? Compersion and communication. What is compersion? Feeling happiness when someone you love is happy. J How did I get through 41 years without hearing this word "You joined fab a year too late. There used to be a fabber called compersion. That’s where I first heard it | |||
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"I've googled a definition because I wanted to check I'd got it right... Compersion is our wholehearted participation in the happiness of others. It is the sympathetic joy we feel for somebody else, even when their positive experience does not involve or benefit us directly. Thus, compersion can be thought of as the opposite of jealousy and possessiveness. J" Ooh so like being happy when your mate wins the bingo or your kids have a good day? | |||
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"How do you poly crew keep the jealousy and insecurity out of your relationships? Compersion and communication. What is compersion? Feeling happiness when someone you love is happy. J How did I get through 41 years without hearing this word "46 years and its the first time I've heard it! | |||
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"I've googled a definition because I wanted to check I'd got it right... Compersion is our wholehearted participation in the happiness of others. It is the sympathetic joy we feel for somebody else, even when their positive experience does not involve or benefit us directly. Thus, compersion can be thought of as the opposite of jealousy and possessiveness. J Ooh so like being happy when your mate wins the bingo or your kids have a good day?" Exactly like that. It's just weirdly harder when it's your special sexy person. I don't know if that's natural or societal though. J | |||
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"How do you poly crew keep the jealousy and insecurity out of your relationships? ....I don't want those feelings of insecurity to appear in future relationships and I truly believe that if approached with kindness, trust and respect for each other, they don't. And how would it work if one of you wanted to make things monogamous and the other didn’t? Would that bring it to an end? Basically it sounds like being decent to everyone is the way to make it work and not long one person off in favour of another?" Being decent is the bare minimum. It should be in any relationship, monogamous or poly. "If it feels like I or a partner can't be vulnerable and share thoughts or feelings then it slowly poisons the well." I really liked this from Hans above and it very much aligns with my views and what I've learnt about myself and my approach to things. I think there's this ideal that poly is held to that isn't quite there with monogamy. You have to get along with your metamours or you're not poly. You have to be happy/feel compersion with hearing/seeing about them having sex with/dating others for it to be valid. No. There's not one true way of being poly. If you're constantly feeling negativity towards it? That's not great and should be discussed openly with the other person, there should be a space for that discussion to be held whilst you look at why that is. I think relationships are transient, they fluctuate, whether it's from becoming more settled or another person being part of someone's life. As long as there's that solid healthy communication both ways (which involves listening more than talking sometimes!) it can work. Sometimes poly dynamics don't work, people fall out of love, it's not healthy etc. That's fine. It happens. In my mind I'd like to think that the friendship is different and can weather changes to what it is without losing that. | |||
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"Surely the easy answer is to just have them always come to your place. Problem solved! You only need normal amounts of stuff, all in once place. Think smarter, not harder. Right, but then that means whoever is visiting you needs those things at your place so the comment is still relevant. " Plus polys must save a fortune on energy bill | |||
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"How do you poly crew keep the jealousy and insecurity out of your relationships? Compersion and communication. What is compersion? Feeling happiness when someone you love is happy. J How did I get through 41 years without hearing this word "It's a relatively new term that originates from within the poly community. New to English language. I used to used the term Mudita. My partner and I struggled endlessly to find a word we had for the feeling. I would say it is the antithesis to jealousy in a way. Following the threads of our jealousy openly together is what led to the prominece of that feeling. Like someone said above you can grow emotionally together. It's a beautiful thing. Well to me anyway. | |||
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"How do you poly crew keep the jealousy and insecurity out of your relationships? Compersion and communication. What is compersion? Feeling happiness when someone you love is happy. J · How did I get through 41 years without hearing this word "• Well, Tunbridge Hells is quite rural 'Hicksville' and isolated.  | |||
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"How do you poly crew keep the jealousy and insecurity out of your relationships? You don't keep them out. You embrace them, examine them, support each other through them, develop and grow emotionally together. " This is beautifully said! I struggle a lot with jealousy myself but it's all learning curve! | |||
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"I've googled a definition because I wanted to check I'd got it right... Compersion is our wholehearted participation in the happiness of others. It is the sympathetic joy we feel for somebody else, even when their positive experience does not involve or benefit us directly. Thus, compersion can be thought of as the opposite of jealousy and possessiveness. J" It's so nice when I get that feeling and not the jealous feelings! It does comes after a lot of communication and love. | |||
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"Surely the easy answer is to just have them always come to your place. Problem solved! You only need normal amounts of stuff, all in once place. Think smarter, not harder. " This is the way. I like to sleep in peace anyway so rarely do sleepovers. But when I do it's my favourite person visiting me or a hotel so I don't have to leave anything | |||
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"It’s difficult to keep track of what nsfw pictures you’ve sent to which partners. Don’t wanna send the same one twice "Double the pleasure?  | |||
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"It’s difficult to keep track of what nsfw pictures you’ve sent to which partners. Don’t wanna send the same one twice "Always check the media tab. Pro tip | |||
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"Surely the easy answer is to just have them always come to your place. Problem solved! You only need normal amounts of stuff, all in once place. Think smarter, not harder. Right, but then that means whoever is visiting you needs those things at your place so the comment is still relevant. Plus polys must save a fortune on energy bill" The extra money goes on dates | |||
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"Surely the easy answer is to just have them always come to your place. Problem solved! You only need normal amounts of stuff, all in once place. Think smarter, not harder. Right, but then that means whoever is visiting you needs those things at your place so the comment is still relevant. Plus polys must save a fortune on energy bill" Save on fuel and travel expenses. Also depending on how often they are over, charge some rent and living expenses. As for their stuff, just buy multiple chests, put a name label on it and shove all their stuff in that one place. Like a locker or pigeon hole from school. | |||
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"With all jokes aside I have to say this is one of the best threads in a long while. I've learnt a lot. Thank you TM. "Oh yes definitely loved reading down the thread as it's full of funny and lovely replies! | |||
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"Just thought of another , you have to make some sacrifices on other areas It’s just not possible to have multiple partners and give all other areas like friends, career, health , family, hobbies the kind of attention they really need. often poly people do bad in multiple other areas through relationship addiction " Whereas monogamous people are always capable of giving their all to all of friends, career, health , family, and hobbies? Having multiple partners does not translate as addiction. | |||
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"With all jokes aside I have to say this is one of the best threads in a long while. I've learnt a lot. Thank you TM.
Oh yes definitely loved reading down the thread as it's full of funny and lovely replies! "Me too - a really interesting, educational and heartening topic... much food for thought here. | |||
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"Just thought of another , you have to make some sacrifices on other areas It’s just not possible to have multiple partners and give all other areas like friends, career, health , family, hobbies the kind of attention they really need. often poly people do bad in multiple other areas through relationship addiction Whereas monogamous people are always capable of giving their all to all of friends, career, health , family, and hobbies? Having multiple partners does not translate as addiction." Exactly…. It’s Hard enough with one partner for most people especially if they have full time work, family etc If you have multiple something has to give . It’s just a reality | |||
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"With all jokes aside I have to say this is one of the best threads in a long while. I've learnt a lot. Thank you TM.
Oh yes definitely loved reading down the thread as it's full of funny and lovely replies!
Me too - a really interesting, educational and heartening topic... much food for thought here."It’s been a good and interesting read | |||
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"Just thought of another , you have to make some sacrifices on other areas It’s just not possible to have multiple partners and give all other areas like friends, career, health , family, hobbies the kind of attention they really need. often poly people do bad in multiple other areas through relationship addiction Whereas monogamous people are always capable of giving their all to all of friends, career, health , family, and hobbies? Having multiple partners does not translate as addiction. Exactly…. It’s Hard enough with one partner for most people especially if they have full time work, family etc If you have multiple something has to give . It’s just a reality " Are you speaking from personal experience here? My own limited experience of being part of a poly couples life for a year doesn't tally with what your saying. It makes sense to me that people who spend their time challenging themselves to communicate better and evolve their emotional intelligence beyond base level emotions might very well be better at nurturing in general. Poly folk are also simply humans in the world and fallible like everyone else. | |||
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"Just thought of another , you have to make some sacrifices on other areas It’s just not possible to have multiple partners and give all other areas like friends, career, health , family, hobbies the kind of attention they really need. often poly people do bad in multiple other areas through relationship addiction Whereas monogamous people are always capable of giving their all to all of friends, career, health , family, and hobbies? Having multiple partners does not translate as addiction. Exactly…. It’s Hard enough with one partner for most people especially if they have full time work, family etc If you have multiple something has to give . It’s just a reality Are you speaking from personal experience here? My own limited experience of being part of a poly couples life for a year doesn't tally with what your saying. It makes sense to me that people who spend their time challenging themselves to communicate better and evolve their emotional intelligence beyond base level emotions might very well be better at nurturing in general. Poly folk are also simply humans in the world and fallible like everyone else." I’m taking about quantity of serious romantic relationships and all that entrails practically plus all life’s other responsibilities. | |||
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"How people have the time, resources and energy to build and maintain multiple intimate relationships and manage all the other practicalities of life...friends, family, jobs, kids, hobbies, time just for you " Exactly that yes. It’s a choice to prioritise multiple romantic relationships , other people choose a marriage, career or community etc it’s not a dig, it’s reality | |||
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I love my husband, kids and family. The love I have for any one of them doesn't diminish the love I have for another. So it feels that in principle I have the potential to be poly. But it doesn't feel like I would have enough time to commit to someone else. Not fairly anyway.
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"Only a small subset of people can actually be poly. Many attempt it to discover that like the overwhelming number of people in society, it's not for them. I think most of us are hard wired (myself included) to only have the capacity for one deep and significant emotional investment at a time. I think this is central to the concept of the traditional family unit. Rightly so as well, as I doubt a mostly poly society would be a functional or stable one. The traditional family unit is rare these days. When it is functional, it is the best thing for the family and probably society. The problem is these days it's just not happening and a badly functioning family unit I believe is worse than the so called broken marriage. This was certainly true in my case. My marriage was not fulfilling me at all. I was so much happier as a single mum and my kids were too. Dating though as a single mum is hard so I just stayed celibate until they grew up. I wouldn't have survived without having a bedroom far from the kids bedroom and a wonderful vibrator
Do you really believe it is rare? I don't. "These days yes. I know very few people under 50 who aren't divorced at least once. | |||
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"I’m taking about quantity of serious romantic relationships and all that entrails practically plus all life’s other responsibilities." I think that has less to do with poly and more to do with the people involved. I've had monogamous relationships that left me too exhausted to deal with hobbies or friends or family all by themselves. I'm glad to he well away from living like that. And doesn't everyone shift the priorities according to the reality? Right now work is killing me, so I'm having less time I'm willing to spend with family and focusing more on the people and activities that actually bring me joy. Sometimes I'll drop a social or hobby engagement to do something with one of my partners. Sometimes family need me more and I have to pretty much drop everything I would enjoy because regardless of whether I like them or not, family is important. Sometimes I just need some me time and take a few hermit days to not deal with any of those things at all. Nobody, but nobody, is ever running at 100% in all of friends, family, relationships, work, and hobbies. For more than the maximum 4 seconds that they may all be absolutely harmonious, at least. | |||
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"This has been a really interesting thread that has made me think lots of thoughts
I love my husband, kids and family. The love I have for any one of them doesn't diminish the love I have for another. So it feels that in principle I have the potential to be poly. But it doesn't feel like I would have enough time to commit to someone else. Not fairly anyway.
J"B and I have just had an interesting conversation about all this. How it's much more unusual for a family relationship to end. How family NRE (eg kids being born) and grieving are done together. That it would be much harder to navigate that for a partner's relationship (not impossible but harder). J | |||
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"How people have the time, resources and energy to build and maintain multiple intimate relationships and manage all the other practicalities of life...friends, family, jobs, kids, hobbies, time just for you Exactly that yes. It’s a choice to prioritise multiple romantic relationships , other people choose a marriage, career or community etc it’s not a dig, it’s reality " I agree with your fundamental point that time is finite. I had what were very poly orientated relationships, although we didn't use that terminology. Then I nested with someone had children. There was a brief attempt at having two partners live with me, before we had kids. Fucking disaster. When we had kids, certainly the early years: we barely had time for each other, let alone anyone else. The weekends we got babysitters we pounced on each other then felt guilty for abandoning the kids. Now there is an argument that society is setup with a mono bias. If you talk to people who have lived on communes, those social structures can be more poly accommodating. So I'd say there's scope for social change, but that's never fast. And it's not just NRE people get ill, have accidents, become carers. Life throws curve balls. All of that has to be managed too. Unless you just abandon relationships that aren't fun. That's not for me, like you say responsibilities. You have a point, in my opinion. There are sacrifices due to pragmatic factors. | |||
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"Things that no one tells you about being poly; You need lots of underwear to leave at your different partners houses. What else are the things that no one tells you about being poly? " Hey there's only one pair of pants of yours at mine right now! Rude. No one tells you that you WILL have to ask which Toothbrush is each partners because you WILL forget. Also no one tells you the amount of jargon you have to learn. Gah. | |||
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"Perverts - leave the parrots alone..!! " Polly wants a cracker. | |||
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"Things that no one tells you about being poly; You need lots of underwear to leave at your different partners houses. What else are the things that no one tells you about being poly? Hey there's only one pair of pants of yours at mine right now! Rude. No one tells you that you WILL have to ask which Toothbrush is each partners because you WILL forget. Also no one tells you the amount of jargon you have to learn. Gah. " That’s because I don’t have enough at home! I need a second job to pay for all of the clothes I need to leave | |||
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"Do anyone know of a polyamorous commune, where likeminded people live together, we talk about this, but can’t find one ?" Yeah I was also curious about this | |||
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"Only a small subset of people can actually be poly. Many attempt it to discover that like the overwhelming number of people in society, it's not for them. I think most of us are hard wired (myself included) to only have the capacity for one deep and significant emotional investment at a time. I think this is central to the concept of the traditional family unit. Rightly so as well, as I doubt a mostly poly society would be a functional or stable one. The traditional family unit is rare these days. When it is functional, it is the best thing for the family and probably society. The problem is these days it's just not happening and a badly functioning family unit I believe is worse than the so called broken marriage. This was certainly true in my case. My marriage was not fulfilling me at all. I was so much happier as a single mum and my kids were too. Dating though as a single mum is hard so I just stayed celibate until they grew up. I wouldn't have survived without having a bedroom far from the kids bedroom and a wonderful vibrator
Do you really believe it is rare? I don't. "Of course it isn’t | |||
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"I’m taking about quantity of serious romantic relationships and all that entrails practically plus all life’s other responsibilities. I think that has less to do with poly and more to do with the people involved. I've had monogamous relationships that left me too exhausted to deal with hobbies or friends or family all by themselves. I'm glad to he well away from living like that. And doesn't everyone shift the priorities according to the reality? Right now work is killing me, so I'm having less time I'm willing to spend with family and focusing more on the people and activities that actually bring me joy. Sometimes I'll drop a social or hobby engagement to do something with one of my partners. Sometimes family need me more and I have to pretty much drop everything I would enjoy because regardless of whether I like them or not, family is important. Sometimes I just need some me time and take a few hermit days to not deal with any of those things at all. Nobody, but nobody, is ever running at 100% in all of friends, family, relationships, work, and hobbies. For more than the maximum 4 seconds that they may all be absolutely harmonious, at least." Yeah I think you’re right it is to do with the people involved to a large degree and peoples interpretation of poly. I think I have good capacity to be poly because I can almost always choose the depth of feeling I have for people, compartmentalise well and enjoy multiple partners. But I can’t be messaging multiple partners constantly I need to completely detach. Some poly people I’ve met dont like this and feel hurt And then on very rare occasion I want to give someone everything I have so I question if I’m poly at all | |||
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"So for me, a big thing about being poly is the ability to have feelings for more than one person at a time. If I wanted to have sex with lots of people, stay friends but nothing more, I'd say I'm not poly. There seems to be a trend within the community for people to use the term when really ENM would suit them better (albeit the ethical part comes in to play if you cheat). Someone who has lots of fuckbuddies, has a slut phase but is emotionally monogamous isn't poly. That's not how it works. I think sometimes people mistakenly think that being poly means someone wants all of their attention and time. That the time management isn't feasible because everyone needs to be getting 100% of you all the time. It is more than possible to have a successful career, a loving and loved family and also have poly relationships. I don't think the poly people I know, myself included, want or expect that level of sole focus. I do know that having honest and open communication is vital. That level of trust needs for it work can easily be affected, even more so if there are several people involved. I met someone's erm other person recently. Do I think you need to? No. You can be happy without meeting them. Which kind of leads on to... As far as compersion goes? It's something that happens over time. You are not a bad person if you don't feel it immediately every single time. You're human. I really doubted if I was poly when I was told I should be joyful at seeing a not consented to penis picture that was caused by another. Nope. That's fine. You don't have to push for compersion. I think having boundaries, that listening and talking is really important. It's about respect, a desire to be open and grow a relationship. All romantic relationships, whether poly or mono deserve that space to be open with each other. To let someone in and let someone see all of you. I've learnt a lot along my poly journey. The OP will probably remember the early days of me questioning if I was poly when a dear friend told me he loved me and I thought. Gosh. Maybe I do have feelings for him in more than I'm obsessed with his V. Am I an awful person? Will I find other weirdos like me? And I have. I've discovered a lot about myself, about others. Cherished my time with people, laughed a lot. I've also cried. Doubted myself. I told myself several times I was done with relationships outside my fiancé. I've experienced a lot. The highs and the lows. Polyamory isn't easy. People are fucking complex, peculiar things. Myself included. It's kind of worth it though." Cheers Meli. That was a good read. | |||
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"Christmas is very expensive " & Valentine’s Day | |||
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"It's bloody weird when your wife has to console you for you breaking up with your girlfriend..." · | |||
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"How do you poly crew keep the jealousy and insecurity out of your relationships? " Jealousy and insecurity are self destructive emotions, they have no place in such a relationship. Anyone who feels that way should never consider being poly. | |||
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"It's bloody weird when your wife has to console you for you breaking up with your girlfriend..." I've been the wife consoling my husband when things with his poly partner fizzled out lol | |||
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"How do you poly crew keep the jealousy and insecurity out of your relationships? Jealousy and insecurity are self destructive emotions, they have no place in such a relationship. Anyone who feels that way should never consider being poly. " What nonsense. Of course you can experience and feel those things and still be poly. | |||
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"This has been a really interesting thread that has made me think lots of thoughts
I love my husband, kids and family. The love I have for any one of them doesn't diminish the love I have for another. So it feels that in principle I have the potential to be poly. But it doesn't feel like I would have enough time to commit to someone else. Not fairly anyway.
J"Future Julie to Past Julie: The trick is to find someone else equally time poor. Although it's crap when your availability doesn’t match 😂 | |||
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"This is a very interesting read. Sounds like a logistical nightmare at times. How often do poly's see their partners in a typical month?" Depends on distance and life commitments. Some will be a few times a week between two partners. Some will be every week for one and weeks for others. All the relationships will look different. | |||
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"It's bloody weird when your wife has to console you for you breaking up with your girlfriend... I've been the wife consoling my husband when things with his poly partner fizzled out lol" Same. And my fiance has also consoled me over break ups. It’s love on such a deep level. | |||
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"This is a very interesting read. Sounds like a logistical nightmare at times. How often do poly's see their partners in a typical month?" B is my nesting partner and we have kids together; I see him most days. My other partner and I try to see each other every week/two weeks. It's not always possible, he also has kids and other partners. But it works. ❤️ | |||
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"This is a very interesting read. Sounds like a logistical nightmare at times. How often do poly's see their partners in a typical month?" One of mine I usually see twice a week. Two others I see once a week on average. The other I haven't seen since before Halloween with life getting in the way, but hopefully I'll get to be with him soon, it's usually only once or twice a month for that one 💜 | |||
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"How do you poly crew keep the jealousy and insecurity out of your relationships? Jealousy and insecurity are self destructive emotions, they have no place in such a relationship. Anyone who feels that way should never consider being poly. What nonsense. Of course you can experience and feel those things and still be poly. " It may seem nonsense to you but it's worked for us for years. Whats the point in having a poly relationship if its going to be blighted by jealousy of the other partner ? All that is going to breed is strife and misery. | |||
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"How do you poly crew keep the jealousy and insecurity out of your relationships? Jealousy and insecurity are self destructive emotions, they have no place in such a relationship. Anyone who feels that way should never consider being poly. What nonsense. Of course you can experience and feel those things and still be poly. It may seem nonsense to you but it's worked for us for years. Whats the point in having a poly relationship if its going to be blighted by jealousy of the other partner ? All that is going to breed is strife and misery. " Shoving down your feelings and ignoring them is pretty unhealthy. Exploring those feelings, understanding yourself, understanding your partner, discussing feelings, being supportive, and ultimately going through emotional growth is the optimal situation. You can't stop people feeling their feelings, of course people will feel all kinds of negative emotions,that's very normal and human... it's dealing with it in an emotionally mature way that is key. Ignoring feelings, or vilifying people for feeling very normal feelings, is not helpful. | |||
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"This is a very interesting read. Sounds like a logistical nightmare at times. How often do poly's see their partners in a typical month?" One weekly, often more than once a week because they live close by. The other - not anywhere near as much as I'd like but due to distance, work and other commitments usually at least monthly. But then one has other partners and one doesn't. I've never really labelled myself as poly anyway. Just ENM. 🤷♂️ | |||
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"Christmas is very expensive " Secret Santa between you and your partners. | |||
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"I don't think this has already been covered, but apologies if it has... How do people practicing non-hierarchical polyamory navigate things when there's a nesting partner and kids? I get that the goal is to avoid ranking relationships, but doesn’t the reality of shared housing, parenting, and time constraints naturally create a kind of hierarchy? " This is such an interesting question and totally applies to me. Just arriving in town for the MLS so nudge me tomorrow 😘 | |||
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"I don't think this has already been covered, but apologies if it has... How do people practicing non-hierarchical polyamory navigate things when there's a nesting partner and kids? I get that the goal is to avoid ranking relationships, but doesn’t the reality of shared housing, parenting, and time constraints naturally create a kind of hierarchy? " It’s about equity rather than equality. Non hierarchal doesn’t necessarily mean equal time together, it’s about the needs of the relationship and honouring them | |||
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"I don't think this has already been covered, but apologies if it has... How do people practicing non-hierarchical polyamory navigate things when there's a nesting partner and kids? I get that the goal is to avoid ranking relationships, but doesn’t the reality of shared housing, parenting, and time constraints naturally create a kind of hierarchy? " That hierarchy is unavoidable I think in relationships with nesting partners and children. But ina podcast they talked about it as viewing some things as life commitments. I need to meet certain commitments to my child, my household, to pay bills etc. and viewing it as that rather than as hierarchy of your relationships might help? I think for me it would be important to just communicate that it’s not about that I mean less than another partner, just that they have other commitments that they need to meet. Idk. I also think in the case of having children with someone, is it bad? And is your priority actually with your child and not the partner. For example you only prioritise one partner over another if it is relating to your child and commitments around that and your house like I said. Multiamory is a good podcast anyway. Recommend for people that are interested in polyamory. | |||
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"I don't think this has already been covered, but apologies if it has... How do people practicing non-hierarchical polyamory navigate things when there's a nesting partner and kids? I get that the goal is to avoid ranking relationships, but doesn’t the reality of shared housing, parenting, and time constraints naturally create a kind of hierarchy? This is such an interesting question and totally applies to me. Just arriving in town for the MLS so nudge me tomorrow 😘" Have fun, I'm too exhausted to come out today | |||
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"I don't think this has already been covered, but apologies if it has... How do people practicing non-hierarchical polyamory navigate things when there's a nesting partner and kids? I get that the goal is to avoid ranking relationships, but doesn’t the reality of shared housing, parenting, and time constraints naturally create a kind of hierarchy? It’s about equity rather than equality. Non hierarchal doesn’t necessarily mean equal time together, it’s about the needs of the relationship and honouring them" I don't mean attributing equal time, particularly. My musings were, children will always come first, naturally. But does that then mean their other parent's, your nesting partner's, needs come above other partner's needs because it's necessary for the wellbeing and harmony of the family home? | |||
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"I don't think this has already been covered, but apologies if it has... How do people practicing non-hierarchical polyamory navigate things when there's a nesting partner and kids? I get that the goal is to avoid ranking relationships, but doesn’t the reality of shared housing, parenting, and time constraints naturally create a kind of hierarchy? That hierarchy is unavoidable I think in relationships with nesting partners and children. But ina podcast they talked about it as viewing some things as life commitments. I need to meet certain commitments to my child, my household, to pay bills etc. and viewing it as that rather than as hierarchy of your relationships might help? I think for me it would be important to just communicate that it’s not about that I mean less than another partner, just that they have other commitments that they need to meet. Idk. I also think in the case of having children with someone, is it bad? And is your priority actually with your child and not the partner. For example you only prioritise one partner over another if it is relating to your child and commitments around that and your house like I said. Multiamory is a good podcast anyway. Recommend for people that are interested in polyamory. " Thanks for the recommendation, Pickle. | |||
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" I don't mean attributing equal time, particularly. My musings were, children will always come first, naturally. But does that then mean their other parent's, your nesting partner's, needs come above other partner's needs because it's necessary for the wellbeing and harmony of the family home? " I'm gonna recycle my answer from another poly thread here... there's a difference between these two scenarios. I can't go on a date with you this week because I live with my partner and they don't want me spending money on other people, because we both believe I should only spend money on them, because our relationship is more important. And I can't go on a date with you this week because I live with my partner and money is tight. If I spent money going out this week, it would negatively impact my existing commitments, and I'm going to honour those first. | |||
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"I don't think this has already been covered, but apologies if it has... How do people practicing non-hierarchical polyamory navigate things when there's a nesting partner and kids? I get that the goal is to avoid ranking relationships, but doesn’t the reality of shared housing, parenting, and time constraints naturally create a kind of hierarchy? It’s about equity rather than equality. Non hierarchal doesn’t necessarily mean equal time together, it’s about the needs of the relationship and honouring them I don't mean attributing equal time, particularly. My musings were, children will always come first, naturally. But does that then mean their other parent's, your nesting partner's, needs come above other partner's needs because it's necessary for the wellbeing and harmony of the family home? " That’s prioritising your child and their needs imo | |||
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"I don't think this has already been covered, but apologies if it has... How do people practicing non-hierarchical polyamory navigate things when there's a nesting partner and kids? I get that the goal is to avoid ranking relationships, but doesn’t the reality of shared housing, parenting, and time constraints naturally create a kind of hierarchy? It’s about equity rather than equality. Non hierarchal doesn’t necessarily mean equal time together, it’s about the needs of the relationship and honouring them I don't mean attributing equal time, particularly. My musings were, children will always come first, naturally. But does that then mean their other parent's, your nesting partner's, needs come above other partner's needs because it's necessary for the wellbeing and harmony of the family home? That’s prioritising your child and their needs imo" Agreed. And I don't think it's a bad thing that there's a default hierarchy because of that. I've read a few things recently that vehemently deny the existence of a hierarchy in this scenario, and I just didn't think it was realistic. | |||
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"I don't think this has already been covered, but apologies if it has... How do people practicing non-hierarchical polyamory navigate things when there's a nesting partner and kids? I get that the goal is to avoid ranking relationships, but doesn’t the reality of shared housing, parenting, and time constraints naturally create a kind of hierarchy? It’s about equity rather than equality. Non hierarchal doesn’t necessarily mean equal time together, it’s about the needs of the relationship and honouring them I don't mean attributing equal time, particularly. My musings were, children will always come first, naturally. But does that then mean their other parent's, your nesting partner's, needs come above other partner's needs because it's necessary for the wellbeing and harmony of the family home? " That’s no more important than the needs of other relationships, they deserve the same level of wellbeing and harmony as a family home. The needs of the relationship might be more than others but that doesn’t mean that the actual relationship itself is more important than another. The relationship does come with more responsibilities though. That doesn’t mean that it’s higher | |||
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"I don't think this has already been covered, but apologies if it has... How do people practicing non-hierarchical polyamory navigate things when there's a nesting partner and kids? I get that the goal is to avoid ranking relationships, but doesn’t the reality of shared housing, parenting, and time constraints naturally create a kind of hierarchy? It’s about equity rather than equality. Non hierarchal doesn’t necessarily mean equal time together, it’s about the needs of the relationship and honouring them I don't mean attributing equal time, particularly. My musings were, children will always come first, naturally. But does that then mean their other parent's, your nesting partner's, needs come above other partner's needs because it's necessary for the wellbeing and harmony of the family home? That’s prioritising your child and their needs imo Agreed. And I don't think it's a bad thing that there's a default hierarchy because of that. I've read a few things recently that vehemently deny the existence of a hierarchy in this scenario, and I just didn't think it was realistic." I don’t see that as hierarchy. Ultimately my kids are more important to me than any romantic relationship, making sure that they’re cared for is the hierarchy, not the partner that I might be nesting with | |||
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"I don't think this has already been covered, but apologies if it has... How do people practicing non-hierarchical polyamory navigate things when there's a nesting partner and kids? I get that the goal is to avoid ranking relationships, but doesn’t the reality of shared housing, parenting, and time constraints naturally create a kind of hierarchy? It’s about equity rather than equality. Non hierarchal doesn’t necessarily mean equal time together, it’s about the needs of the relationship and honouring them I don't mean attributing equal time, particularly. My musings were, children will always come first, naturally. But does that then mean their other parent's, your nesting partner's, needs come above other partner's needs because it's necessary for the wellbeing and harmony of the family home? That’s prioritising your child and their needs imo Agreed. And I don't think it's a bad thing that there's a default hierarchy because of that. I've read a few things recently that vehemently deny the existence of a hierarchy in this scenario, and I just didn't think it was realistic. I don’t see that as hierarchy. Ultimately my kids are more important to me than any romantic relationship, making sure that they’re cared for is the hierarchy, not the partner that I might be nesting with" Thanks for answering, Tea. | |||
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" I don't mean attributing equal time, particularly. My musings were, children will always come first, naturally. But does that then mean their other parent's, your nesting partner's, needs come above other partner's needs because it's necessary for the wellbeing and harmony of the family home? I'm gonna recycle my answer from another poly thread here... there's a difference between these two scenarios. I can't go on a date with you this week because I live with my partner and they don't want me spending money on other people, because we both believe I should only spend money on them, because our relationship is more important. And I can't go on a date with you this week because I live with my partner and money is tight. If I spent money going out this week, it would negatively impact my existing commitments, and I'm going to honour those first. " Walk in the park and feed the ducks? | |||
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" Walk in the park and feed the ducks? "Well yes, I'm perpetually poor so that's reality for me! But it was a hypothetical to show two different attitudes to ultimately the same sitation. It shows that attitudes and intention is important, rather than the situation | |||
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"How do you poly crew keep the jealousy and insecurity out of your relationships? Jealousy and insecurity are self destructive emotions, they have no place in such a relationship. Anyone who feels that way should never consider being poly. What nonsense. Of course you can experience and feel those things and still be poly. It may seem nonsense to you but it's worked for us for years. Whats the point in having a poly relationship if its going to be blighted by jealousy of the other partner ? All that is going to breed is strife and misery. Shoving down your feelings and ignoring them is pretty unhealthy. Exploring those feelings, understanding yourself, understanding your partner, discussing feelings, being supportive, and ultimately going through emotional growth is the optimal situation. You can't stop people feeling their feelings, of course people will feel all kinds of negative emotions,that's very normal and human... it's dealing with it in an emotionally mature way that is key. Ignoring feelings, or vilifying people for feeling very normal feelings, is not helpful. " We weren't vilifying anyone, just giving our take on it and our experience with it. Also we didn't need to shove down any negative feeling because we talked about any problems we may encounter and sorted them out early on. Jealousy and insecurity may be classed as "normal" to some people but not to everyone. | |||
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"When your partner girlfriend comes around I end up washing her clothes so some of her socks underwear become mine. " Don't give Tea ideas. Not sure the few pairs of boxers I own would suit him. 🤔😂😂 | |||
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"When your partner girlfriend comes around I end up washing her clothes so some of her socks underwear become mine. " My daughter once wore my partners socks | |||
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" Walk in the park and feed the ducks?
Well yes, I'm perpetually poor so that's reality for me! But it was a hypothetical to show two different attitudes to ultimately the same sitation. It shows that attitudes and intention is important, rather than the situation "Apologies, I know what you meant. I was being flippant. Thank you for answering x | |||
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"When your partner girlfriend comes around I end up washing her clothes so some of her socks underwear become mine. Don't give Tea ideas. Not sure the few pairs of boxers I own would suit him. 🤔😂😂" I’m fairly certain that our partner has no idea who’s is who’s and we could operate a group approach to this | |||
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"Sex life sky rockets, but with comes the downfall of financial and mental health…too many desires to fulfil and challenges to deal with…" Pahahahahahahaha! | |||
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"When your partner girlfriend comes around I end up washing her clothes so some of her socks underwear become mine. Don't give Tea ideas. Not sure the few pairs of boxers I own would suit him. 🤔😂😂 I’m fairly certain that our partner has no idea who’s is who’s and we could operate a group approach to this " She'll know by the sniff test. | |||
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"For those who celebrate St Valentine's Day, do you all go out and spend the day/evening together? " That’s would be quite the gathering! Our polycule has 9 people within it | |||
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"For those who celebrate St Valentine's Day, do you all go out and spend the day/evening together? That’s would be quite the gathering! Our polycule has 9 people within it" Oh blimey. Party at the biggest place and an orgy afterwards | |||
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" We weren't vilifying anyone, just giving our take on it and our experience with it. Also we didn't need to shove down any negative feeling because we talked about any problems we may encounter and sorted them out early on. Jealousy and insecurity may be classed as "normal" to some people but not to everyone. " Ok. Seeing as you're seemingly willfully missing my point... Kudos to you, you've apparently premptively covered every possible scenario of human emotions and dealt with them before they've happened. Aspirational! | |||
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"Just wondering how honest people are about their feelings towards each partner, to the other partners. If you feel more deeply for one than the other/s would you say so, if they asked?" I have always wondered this. What if they want to soend more time with a partner than with the other one(s)? How does the other one react? | |||
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"Just wondering how honest people are about their feelings towards each partner, to the other partners. If you feel more deeply for one than the other/s would you say so, if they asked? I have always wondered this. What if they want to soend more time with a partner than with the other one(s)? How does the other one react? " It’s just like dating monogamously, If you’re not that bothered about being with someone, why are you with them? Situations and circumstances might dictate that you don’t get to see them often but if the intention and desire isn’t there then is it worth it? I love my partner’s differently but fully. Emotion isn’t finite | |||
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"When your partner girlfriend comes around I end up washing her clothes so some of her socks underwear become mine. Don't give Tea ideas. Not sure the few pairs of boxers I own would suit him. 🤔😂😂 I’m fairly certain that our partner has no idea who’s is who’s and we could operate a group approach to this " This is true. I do recall a phone call about toothbrushes last year. 🤦♂️😂 | |||
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" We weren't vilifying anyone, just giving our take on it and our experience with it. Also we didn't need to shove down any negative feeling because we talked about any problems we may encounter and sorted them out early on. Jealousy and insecurity may be classed as "normal" to some people but not to everyone. Ok. Seeing as you're seemingly willfully missing my point... Kudos to you, you've apparently premptively covered every possible scenario of human emotions and dealt with them before they've happened. Aspirational! " Well we have had 76 years more life experience between us than you have so don't beat yourself up over it, you may get there one day. Like they say, there's no substitute for experience. | |||
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"This is a very interesting read. Sounds like a logistical nightmare at times. How often do poly's see their partners in a typical month? One of mine I usually see twice a week. Two others I see once a week on average. The other I haven't seen since before Halloween with life getting in the way, but hopefully I'll get to be with him soon, it's usually only once or twice a month for that one 💜" Thank you for answering. It's interesting to know how individuals manage it. | |||
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"When your partner girlfriend comes around I end up washing her clothes so some of her socks underwear become mine. Don't give Tea ideas. Not sure the few pairs of boxers I own would suit him. 🤔😂😂 I’m fairly certain that our partner has no idea who’s is who’s and we could operate a group approach to this This is true. I do recall a phone call about toothbrushes last year. 🤦♂️😂" Like a school lost property situation 😂 | |||
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"When your partner girlfriend comes around I end up washing her clothes so some of her socks underwear become mine. Don't give Tea ideas. Not sure the few pairs of boxers I own would suit him. 🤔😂😂 I’m fairly certain that our partner has no idea who’s is who’s and we could operate a group approach to this This is true. I do recall a phone call about toothbrushes last year. 🤦♂️😂 Like a school lost property situation 😂" Pretty much. There were more toothbrushes than partners | |||
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"For those who celebrate St Valentine's Day, do you all go out and spend the day/evening together? " I don't really hold with Valentines although I'll send a card. I prefer to show love all year round. That said, B and I are going out this year - to a hogtie rope class 😂 | |||
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"But does that then mean their other parent's, your nesting partner's, needs come above other partner's needs because it's necessary for the wellbeing and harmony of the family home? " I agree with other people's answers to you Nell about how the kids' needs come first. That's not a hierarchy, that's being a responsible parent. And it's a fact of life that there will be more time demands because kids. If you say you're non-hierarchical but then using the children to put your needs first in the name of harmony that would be manipulative and disingenuous. It would be saying one thing but doing another. It is something I try to navigate fairly and intentionally having come to poly from a traditional escalator relationship. | |||
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