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"*Devils advocate*… sometimes ghosting is the *only* thing to do. If you know you’re involved with a cling-on, who’ll use everything you say as a way-in to keep contact going, ghost by all means. Other peoples emotional health isn’t my responsibility beyond a certain point. It’s theirs "while ghosting may seem like an easy way out in certain situations, it is important to consider the potential harm it can cause to the person being ghosted and the broader impact it can have on relationships. Taking responsibility for clear and honest communication can contribute to healthier and more respectful interactions, even in challenging situations | |||
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"That’s really interesting, thank you "You are very welcome | |||
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"I have been the world's biggest "ghoster" with guys, I actually used to be really bad with it until I had my eyes opened about 6 months ago the impact it had one someone and they told me a few home truths, which I needed to hear. Danish x" By sharing your journey, you have not only raised awareness about the negative effects of ghosting but also provided hope for those who may be struggling with similar issues. Your words have encouraged self-reflection and sparked important conversations about accountability and | |||
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"*Devils advocate*… sometimes ghosting is the *only* thing to do. If you know you’re involved with a cling-on, who’ll use everything you say as a way-in to keep contact going, ghost by all means. Other peoples emotional health isn’t my responsibility beyond a certain point. It’s theirs
while ghosting may seem like an easy way out in certain situations, it is important to consider the potential harm it can cause to the person being ghosted and the broader impact it can have on relationships. Taking responsibility for clear and honest communication can contribute to healthier and more respectful interactions, even in challenging situations"Agree to disagree here | |||
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"With all due respect to your effort in writing this, I think you are overapplying the term a little. Ghosting is about someone you have an active, tangible relationship with abruptly ending all communication. I understand that some online relationships can get very deep, but your average online prospect disappearing is just not on the same level as say a pump&dump, it should not cause your sense of self to collapse. Online communications are extremely low effort and as a result many people will use them to experiment, or strictly for amusement, and quite commonly they are seen as expendable. Anyone who engages with others online must build resilience to this. Do not invest emotionally into people you don't know yet, do not rely on strangers for validation. If you are struggling with these, please look into building up your self esteem, friends and therapy can help." I appreciate your perspective, and I understand where you're coming from. However, I'd like to present an alternative viewpoint. While it's true that ghosting typically refers to abruptly ending communication in an active, tangible relationship, it has also become a term commonly used in the context of online interactions. In the digital age, many people form deep connections and invest significant emotional energy into online relationships. These connections can extend beyond mere amusement or experimentation and can hold genuine meaning for individuals involved. While it's important to recognize that online communications can be low effort and some people may engage in them casually or without much investment, it doesn't negate the fact that others may form strong emotional connections online. For some individuals, the sudden disappearance of an online prospect or a person they've built a connection with can still be emotionally distressing. Building resilience and maintaining a healthy sense of self-esteem are indeed valuable strategies for navigating online interactions. However, it's also essential to acknowledge the validity of emotions and the impact that certain actions can have on individuals, even in the context of online relationships. Different people have different emotional capacities and vulnerabilities, and what may seem insignificant to one person can deeply affect another. Encouraging individuals to seek therapy and support is a helpful suggestion, as it can provide them with the tools to navigate their emotions and develop healthier coping mechanisms. However, it's important to approach these situations with empathy and understanding, recognizing that everyone's experiences and emotional responses are unique. | |||
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"With all due respect to your effort in writing this, I think you are overapplying the term a little. Ghosting is about someone you have an active, tangible relationship with abruptly ending all communication. I understand that some online relationships can get very deep, but your average online prospect disappearing is just not on the same level as say a pump&dump, it should not cause your sense of self to collapse. Online communications are extremely low effort and as a result many people will use them to experiment, or strictly for amusement, and quite commonly they are seen as expendable. Anyone who engages with others online must build resilience to this. Do not invest emotionally into people you don't know yet, do not rely on strangers for validation. If you are struggling with these, please look into building up your self esteem, friends and therapy can help."  | |||
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"*Devils advocate*… sometimes ghosting is the *only* thing to do. If you know you’re involved with a cling-on, who’ll use everything you say as a way-in to keep contact going, ghost by all means. Other peoples emotional health isn’t my responsibility beyond a certain point. It’s theirs "I'm not sure I understand what you mean by this? | |||
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"*Devils advocate*… sometimes ghosting is the *only* thing to do. If you know you’re involved with a cling-on, who’ll use everything you say as a way-in to keep contact going, ghost by all means. Other peoples emotional health isn’t my responsibility beyond a certain point. It’s theirs "I think if you have communicated a non interest and then block etc because they won’t take no for an answer is completely different to sudden abrupt cease of communication. In those instances you’ve been clear. | |||
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"*Devils advocate*… sometimes ghosting is the *only* thing to do. If you know you’re involved with a cling-on, who’ll use everything you say as a way-in to keep contact going, ghost by all means. Other peoples emotional health isn’t my responsibility beyond a certain point. It’s theirs
I think if you have communicated a non interest and then block etc because they won’t take no for an answer is completely different to sudden abrupt cease of communication. In those instances you’ve been clear. "Hmm, it’s never sudden and abrupt, they’re always pointers leading up to it imo. Never take anything for granted (especially another’s interest in you) and trust your intuition, there are always signs | |||
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"*Devils advocate*… sometimes ghosting is the *only* thing to do. If you know you’re involved with a cling-on, who’ll use everything you say as a way-in to keep contact going, ghost by all means. Other peoples emotional health isn’t my responsibility beyond a certain point. It’s theirs
while ghosting may seem like an easy way out in certain situations, it is important to consider the potential harm it can cause to the person being ghosted and the broader impact it can have on relationships. Taking responsibility for clear and honest communication can contribute to healthier and more respectful interactions, even in challenging situations"There is nothing healthy or respectful in continuing communications with someone who doesn't understand what you are saying or actively ignores it. There are situations where shutting down communications is the healthier thing to do for all involved. Whether I'll sit down to write a nice farewell message to save their feelings or not is beside the point. | |||
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His perspective seemed to be that it's really hard sometimes to even get a response from someone on here. Which is fair enough, and probably totally valid... However, I don't think we can all invest that much time in ensuring that everyone we have a fleeting connection with is okay in us leaving it there? | |||
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"I appreciate your perspective, and I understand where you're coming from. However, I'd like to present an alternative viewpoint. While it's true that ghosting typically refers to abruptly ending communication in an active, tangible relationship, it has also become a term commonly used in the context of online interactions. In the digital age, many people form deep connections and invest significant emotional energy into online relationships. These connections can extend beyond mere amusement or experimentation and can hold genuine meaning for individuals involved. While it's important to recognize that online communications can be low effort and some people may engage in them casually or without much investment, it doesn't negate the fact that others may form strong emotional connections online. For some individuals, the sudden disappearance of an online prospect or a person they've built a connection with can still be emotionally distressing. Building resilience and maintaining a healthy sense of self-esteem are indeed valuable strategies for navigating online interactions. However, it's also essential to acknowledge the validity of emotions and the impact that certain actions can have on individuals, even in the context of online relationships. Different people have different emotional capacities and vulnerabilities, and what may seem insignificant to one person can deeply affect another. Encouraging individuals to seek therapy and support is a helpful suggestion, as it can provide them with the tools to navigate their emotions and develop healthier coping mechanisms. However, it's important to approach these situations with empathy and understanding, recognizing that everyone's experiences and emotional responses are unique." I read all of that and it was a lot of padded out waffle. It’s bad to encourage people to seek therapy just because someone they were talking to online disappeared. The language you’ve used in all of yours posts, although well written, is very overly emotional and intense. It reads as if you’re like trying too hard to persuade people into believing something they’ve experienced is much more serious than it is. I feel like speaking to a person in that deeply-serious tone would harm them even more than just telling them to get on with things and learn some resilience. The human mind can be easily manipulated and once you start telling people they’re victims there’s going to be many people believe it, because it’s a better coping mechanism than dealing with the complexities of a situation and overcoming them properly. Sadly I’ve seen a friend stuck in this therapy loop over very minor issues, which led to having to walk on egg shells around that person. They now have no ability to take responsibility for regulating any emotions or situations in their life - it’s a case of needing to see a therapist all the time who lets them re-tell the narrative that they want to hear. Ironically i had to ghost them as a result. Short version of all that - don’t treat adults like children. Don’t over exaggerate situations that have happened. It’ll make people worse. | |||
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"I appreciate your perspective, and I understand where you're coming from. However, I'd like to present an alternative viewpoint. While it's true that ghosting typically refers to abruptly ending communication in an active, tangible relationship, it has also become a term commonly used in the context of online interactions. In the digital age, many people form deep connections and invest significant emotional energy into online relationships. These connections can extend beyond mere amusement or experimentation and can hold genuine meaning for individuals involved. While it's important to recognize that online communications can be low effort and some people may engage in them casually or without much investment, it doesn't negate the fact that others may form strong emotional connections online. For some individuals, the sudden disappearance of an online prospect or a person they've built a connection with can still be emotionally distressing. Building resilience and maintaining a healthy sense of self-esteem are indeed valuable strategies for navigating online interactions. However, it's also essential to acknowledge the validity of emotions and the impact that certain actions can have on individuals, even in the context of online relationships. Different people have different emotional capacities and vulnerabilities, and what may seem insignificant to one person can deeply affect another. Encouraging individuals to seek therapy and support is a helpful suggestion, as it can provide them with the tools to navigate their emotions and develop healthier coping mechanisms. However, it's important to approach these situations with empathy and understanding, recognizing that everyone's experiences and emotional responses are unique. I read all of that and it was a lot of padded out waffle. It’s bad to encourage people to seek therapy just because someone they were talking to online disappeared. The language you’ve used in all of yours posts, although well written, is very overly emotional and intense. It reads as if you’re like trying too hard to persuade people into believing something they’ve experienced is much more serious than it is. I feel like speaking to a person in that deeply-serious tone would harm them even more than just telling them to get on with things and learn some resilience. The human mind can be easily manipulated and once you start telling people they’re victims there’s going to be many people believe it, because it’s a better coping mechanism than dealing with the complexities of a situation and overcoming them properly. Sadly I’ve seen a friend stuck in this therapy loop over very minor issues, which led to having to walk on egg shells around that person. They now have no ability to take responsibility for regulating any emotions or situations in their life - it’s a case of needing to see a therapist all the time who lets them re-tell the narrative that they want to hear. Ironically i had to ghost them as a result. Short version of all that - don’t treat adults like children. Don’t over exaggerate situations that have happened. It’ll make people worse. " Pretty much this! I mean it's a bit shit admittedly if someone bails on a meet with you. But it's hardly cause to need to chat to a therapist, or reach out to family and friends  | |||
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"I appreciate your perspective, and I understand where you're coming from. However, I'd like to present an alternative viewpoint. While it's true that ghosting typically refers to abruptly ending communication in an active, tangible relationship, it has also become a term commonly used in the context of online interactions. In the digital age, many people form deep connections and invest significant emotional energy into online relationships. These connections can extend beyond mere amusement or experimentation and can hold genuine meaning for individuals involved. While it's important to recognize that online communications can be low effort and some people may engage in them casually or without much investment, it doesn't negate the fact that others may form strong emotional connections online. For some individuals, the sudden disappearance of an online prospect or a person they've built a connection with can still be emotionally distressing. Building resilience and maintaining a healthy sense of self-esteem are indeed valuable strategies for navigating online interactions. However, it's also essential to acknowledge the validity of emotions and the impact that certain actions can have on individuals, even in the context of online relationships. Different people have different emotional capacities and vulnerabilities, and what may seem insignificant to one person can deeply affect another. Encouraging individuals to seek therapy and support is a helpful suggestion, as it can provide them with the tools to navigate their emotions and develop healthier coping mechanisms. However, it's important to approach these situations with empathy and understanding, recognizing that everyone's experiences and emotional responses are unique. I read all of that and it was a lot of padded out waffle. It’s bad to encourage people to seek therapy just because someone they were talking to online disappeared. The language you’ve used in all of yours posts, although well written, is very overly emotional and intense. It reads as if you’re like trying too hard to persuade people into believing something they’ve experienced is much more serious than it is. I feel like speaking to a person in that deeply-serious tone would harm them even more than just telling them to get on with things and learn some resilience. The human mind can be easily manipulated and once you start telling people they’re victims there’s going to be many people believe it, because it’s a better coping mechanism than dealing with the complexities of a situation and overcoming them properly. Sadly I’ve seen a friend stuck in this therapy loop over very minor issues, which led to having to walk on egg shells around that person. They now have no ability to take responsibility for regulating any emotions or situations in their life - it’s a case of needing to see a therapist all the time who lets them re-tell the narrative that they want to hear. Ironically i had to ghost them as a result. Short version of all that - don’t treat adults like children. Don’t over exaggerate situations that have happened. It’ll make people worse. " I actually agree with you on this and that is bad therapy. Good therapy is about self-empowerment not dependency. I think your criticism is harsh, but your fundamental point is a strong one. | |||
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"With all due respect to your effort in writing this, I think you are overapplying the term a little. Ghosting is about someone you have an active, tangible relationship with abruptly ending all communication. I understand that some online relationships can get very deep, but your average online prospect disappearing is just not on the same level as say a pump&dump, it should not cause your sense of self to collapse. Online communications are extremely low effort and as a result many people will use them to experiment, or strictly for amusement, and quite commonly they are seen as expendable. Anyone who engages with others online must build resilience to this. Do not invest emotionally into people you don't know yet, do not rely on strangers for validation. If you are struggling with these, please look into building up your self esteem, friends and therapy can help. I appreciate your perspective, and I understand where you're coming from. However, I'd like to present an alternative viewpoint. While it's true that ghosting typically refers to abruptly ending communication in an active, tangible relationship, it has also become a term commonly used in the context of online interactions. In the digital age, many people form deep connections and invest significant emotional energy into online relationships. These connections can extend beyond mere amusement or experimentation and can hold genuine meaning for individuals involved. While it's important to recognize that online communications can be low effort and some people may engage in them casually or without much investment, it doesn't negate the fact that others may form strong emotional connections online. For some individuals, the sudden disappearance of an online prospect or a person they've built a connection with can still be emotionally distressing. Building resilience and maintaining a healthy sense of self-esteem are indeed valuable strategies for navigating online interactions. However, it's also essential to acknowledge the validity of emotions and the impact that certain actions can have on individuals, even in the context of online relationships. Different people have different emotional capacities and vulnerabilities, and what may seem insignificant to one person can deeply affect another. Encouraging individuals to seek therapy and support is a helpful suggestion, as it can provide them with the tools to navigate their emotions and develop healthier coping mechanisms. However, it's important to approach these situations with empathy and understanding, recognizing that everyone's experiences and emotional responses are unique." Unfortunately when one feels deeply but the other is only toying around, the genuine meaning was a fantasy - something easily fabricated online. So the important question for me is, how can these vulnerable, sensitive individuals (I have been one of them) safeguard themselves from manipulation, and how can they refrain from overinvesting into something that they only wish is solid. Other than that you're preaching to the converted here  The ones who ghost for sport won't be reading or sharing views in this thread! | |||
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" Unfortunately when one feels deeply but the other is only toying around, the genuine meaning was a fantasy - something easily fabricated online. So the important question for me is, how can these vulnerable, sensitive individuals (I have been one of them) safeguard themselves from manipulation, and how can they refrain from overinvesting into something that they only wish is solid. " I think people owe it to their self esteem to invest very little until they've seen the whites of the others eyes and spent time regularly with them in real life | |||
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"*Devils advocate*… sometimes ghosting is the *only* thing to do. If you know you’re involved with a cling-on, who’ll use everything you say as a way-in to keep contact going, ghost by all means. Other peoples emotional health isn’t my responsibility beyond a certain point. It’s theirs "Agree with this I've been in a situation where someone wouldn't accept it was over . | |||
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"In our digital era, the term "ghosting" has become a prevalent part of the lexicon of relationships and social interactions. Ghosting is the practice of abruptly ceasing all communication without any explanation, leaving the other party questioning what went wrong. This phenomenon is not gender-specific, and it's crucial to understand the emotional toll it can take on anyone, regardless of their gender. 1. **Self-Doubt and Self-Blame**: When a person doesn't show up for a meeting or suddenly stops communicating, it can lead to self-doubt in the individuals left behind. They may start questioning their worth or what value they bring to relationships. This self-questioning can be emotionally draining and have a negative impact on their self-esteem. 2. **Confusion and Uncertainty**: Ghosting leaves a person with no closure. People often end up feeling confused and may spend a significant amount of time trying to understand what went wrong. The uncertainty of not knowing the reason for the other person's disappearance can be emotionally taxing and challenging to overcome. 3. **Betrayal and Trust Issues**: When someone doesn't show up or ghosts, it can lead to feelings of betrayal. This experience can cause trust issues, making it difficult for individuals to trust future partners or friends. It can also make them more cautious and guarded in their future relationships. 4. **Loneliness and Isolation**: Ghosting can also result in feelings of loneliness and isolation. When someone they cared about disappears from their life without explanation, it can make individuals feel alone and discarded, increasing their risk for depression and anxiety. 5. **Anger and Frustration**: It's natural to feel angry and frustrated when someone leaves without any explanation. These feelings can be difficult to deal with, especially when there's no outlet or way to express them to the person who caused the feelings in the first place. It's critical to remember that ghosting is more reflective of the person doing the ghosting than the person being ghosted. It showcases a lack of respect, communication, and empathy. If you find yourself on the receiving end of such behavior, remember that it's okay to seek support from friends, family, or a mental health professional. You are not alone, and your feelings are valid. Everyone deserves respect and a relationship where open and honest communication is the norm, not the exception." Self doubt goes hand in hand with anyones experience here  | |||
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"Ghosting, and it many derived behaviours point towards an individual having some form of narcassism. The disposable society, where self aggrandisement is the aim. Nothing and noone is worth anything against your needs. Objectification of the moment, and once that moment no longer generates the dopamine hit, it is discarded, ultimately replaceable. The feelings of the moment do not matter, as the discard removes any attachment. It can also indicate a lack of conflict control and management skills, but honestly I would suggest anyone who uses ghosting as a part of their engagement strategy will also display the classic signs of self absorption and narcastist personality." I don’t agree with this. Some people may use ghosting as a way to avoid uncomfortable situations, doesn’t make them narcissistic | |||
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"*Devils advocate*… sometimes ghosting is the *only* thing to do. If you know you’re involved with a cling-on, who’ll use everything you say as a way-in to keep contact going, ghost by all means. Other peoples emotional health isn’t my responsibility beyond a certain point. It’s theirs
while ghosting may seem like an easy way out in certain situations, it is important to consider the potential harm it can cause to the person being ghosted and the broader impact it can have on relationships. Taking responsibility for clear and honest communication can contribute to healthier and more respectful interactions, even in challenging situations"Your basing all this on people actually giving a fuck about others, where in reality as soon as ppl get what they want they are sated, and coundnt give two shits how ghosting will affect another person, ppl by inherent nature are egocentric and selfish. | |||
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" Unfortunately when one feels deeply but the other is only toying around, the genuine meaning was a fantasy - something easily fabricated online. So the important question for me is, how can these vulnerable, sensitive individuals (I have been one of them) safeguard themselves from manipulation, and how can they refrain from overinvesting into something that they only wish is solid. I think people owe it to their self esteem to invest very little until they've seen the whites of the others eyes and spent time regularly with them in real life " Exactly, don't invest in a thing until it is solid. Wishing it wont make it so. | |||
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" I don’t agree with this. Some people may use ghosting as a way to avoid uncomfortable situations, doesn’t make them narcissistic " Yes, also I’m sure there are people who think I’ve “ghosted” them before - when in reality it’s just a case of things being a little too one sided from their end and myself not being interested so I just stop talking. I don’t even realise that there was a perceived depth or importance to what was happening (I’m talking about online interactions only) | |||
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". This phenomenon is not gender-specific, and it's crucial to understand the emotional toll it can take on anyone, regardless of their gender. … You are not alone, and your feelings are valid. Everyone deserves respect and a relationship where open and honest communication is the norm, not the exception." One’s feelings are valid. They’re also no one else’s responsibility but one’s own. People are weak. Most would do well to learn to be a little more resilient. | |||
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". This phenomenon is not gender-specific, and it's crucial to understand the emotional toll it can take on anyone, regardless of their gender. … You are not alone, and your feelings are valid. Everyone deserves respect and a relationship where open and honest communication is the norm, not the exception. People are weak. Most would do well to learn to be a little more resilient. " I don't agree with people ate weak, some have developed less functional coping strategies than others, or lack of emotional intelligence and emoti Al regulation, it doesn't make them weak, just left dealing with things differently | |||
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". This phenomenon is not gender-specific, and it's crucial to understand the emotional toll it can take on anyone, regardless of their gender. … You are not alone, and your feelings are valid. Everyone deserves respect and a relationship where open and honest communication is the norm, not the exception. People are weak. Most would do well to learn to be a little more resilient. I don't agree with people ate weak, some have developed less functional coping strategies than others, or lack of emotional intelligence and emoti Al regulation, it doesn't make them weak, just left dealing with things differently " Yes, expecting others to deal with their emotions for them. Week, as I said. And pathetic. | |||
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". This phenomenon is not gender-specific, and it's crucial to understand the emotional toll it can take on anyone, regardless of their gender. … You are not alone, and your feelings are valid. Everyone deserves respect and a relationship where open and honest communication is the norm, not the exception. People are weak. Most would do well to learn to be a little more resilient. I don't agree with people ate weak, some have developed less functional coping strategies than others, or lack of emotional intelligence and emoti Al regulation, it doesn't make them weak, just left dealing with things differently Yes, expecting others to deal with their emotions for them. Week, as I said. And pathetic. " I didnt say that did I, so don't get it twisted...... | |||
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"Ghosting, and it many derived behaviours point towards an individual having some form of narcassism. The disposable society, where self aggrandisement is the aim. Nothing and noone is worth anything against your needs. Objectification of the moment, and once that moment no longer generates the dopamine hit, it is discarded, ultimately replaceable. The feelings of the moment do not matter, as the discard removes any attachment. It can also indicate a lack of conflict control and management skills, but honestly I would suggest anyone who uses ghosting as a part of their engagement strategy will also display the classic signs of self absorption and narcastist personality." No, ghosting is exactly what has to be done when dealing with a narcissist. | |||
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"*Devils advocate*… sometimes ghosting is the *only* thing to do. If you know you’re involved with a cling-on, who’ll use everything you say as a way-in to keep contact going, ghost by all means. Other peoples emotional health isn’t my responsibility beyond a certain point. It’s theirs "I think there is a difference between making it clear you are cutting contact on something that is not working and if that includes blocking them every where so be it, and dropping someone out of the blue with no communication as to why. I see the second as ghosting but maybe the first applies to what you describe. I think other than scenarios of abuse there isn’t an excuse for ghosting. How hard is it to send of a few lines of text to stop someone wondering what happened. Frustratingly I have female friends that ghost guys regularly and they see no issue as if they are almost playing men at their own game. But really they are playing a new guy at a previous guys game and its out of order. Treat people how you want to be treated is how i see it | |||
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"then it’s up to the individual to realise they are only responsible for their own behaviour and not the other persons. " I do respect how clear you are about your boundaries. And I agree. I will try and be equally clear. It isn't ghosting that's the issue for me that shit is obvious. Maybe I am thick, but it seems simply to me: If whatever you aren't telling the other person would affect whether they wanted to stay in the relationship, and you know - that's shitty behaviour. If a woman says to me. I need you to promise you won't ghost me if we have sex, men have done that and it hurts me. Please just tell me if you don't want to see me again. I fuck her and then ghost her. She starts messaging because she wants to know and I start saying she's clingy and needs to own her feelings more. Nah, I am just avoiding being called out on it. It is cowardly, shows a lack of respect and it is unnecessary. What I am doing is avoiding feeling bad about it and finding a way to project that onto them. Just be honest and tell the person, then if they don't get it sure ghost the crap out of them. | |||
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"then it’s up to the individual to realise they are only responsible for their own behaviour and not the other persons. I do respect how clear you are about your boundaries. And I agree. I will try and be equally clear. It isn't ghosting that's the issue for me that shit is obvious. Maybe I am thick, but it seems simply to me: If whatever you aren't telling the other person would affect whether they wanted to stay in the relationship, and you know - that's shitty behaviour. If a woman says to me. I need you to promise you won't ghost me if we have sex, men have done that and it hurts me. Please just tell me if you don't want to see me again. I fuck her and then ghost her. She starts messaging because she wants to know and I start saying she's clingy and needs to own her feelings more. Nah, I am just avoiding being called out on it. It is cowardly, shows a lack of respect and it is unnecessary. What I am doing is avoiding feeling bad about it and finding a way to project that onto them. Just be honest and tell the person, then if they don't get it sure ghost the crap out of them." That’s a very good point | |||
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"Ghosting, and it many derived behaviours point towards an individual having some form of narcassism. The disposable society, where self aggrandisement is the aim. Nothing and noone is worth anything against your needs. Objectification of the moment, and once that moment no longer generates the dopamine hit, it is discarded, ultimately replaceable. The feelings of the moment do not matter, as the discard removes any attachment. It can also indicate a lack of conflict control and management skills, but honestly I would suggest anyone who uses ghosting as a part of their engagement strategy will also display the classic signs of self absorption and narcastist personality. No, ghosting is exactly what has to be done when dealing with a narcissist." No, ghosting is how you encourage the narcastist to fixate and avoids dealing with the conflict. Telling them you are no longer engaging, following that up with communication blocks and disengagement so they are under no misapprehension there will be further contact; that is how. But milage may vary, as does willingness. | |||
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"then it’s up to the individual to realise they are only responsible for their own behaviour and not the other persons. I do respect how clear you are about your boundaries. And I agree. I will try and be equally clear. It isn't ghosting that's the issue for me that shit is obvious. Maybe I am thick, but it seems simply to me: If whatever you aren't telling the other person would affect whether they wanted to stay in the relationship, and you know - that's shitty behaviour. If a woman says to me. I need you to promise you won't ghost me if we have sex, men have done that and it hurts me. Please just tell me if you don't want to see me again. I fuck her and then ghost her. She starts messaging because she wants to know and I start saying she's clingy and needs to own her feelings more. Nah, I am just avoiding being called out on it. It is cowardly, shows a lack of respect and it is unnecessary. What I am doing is avoiding feeling bad about it and finding a way to project that onto them. Just be honest and tell the person, then if they don't get it sure ghost the crap out of them." Thank you. I have been on the receiving end many many times of mixed messages and unclear behaviour. I can honestly hand on heart say I haven’t done that. But I have removed myself entirely from the situation. Just like in your example above | |||
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"then it’s up to the individual to realise they are only responsible for their own behaviour and not the other persons. I do respect how clear you are about your boundaries. And I agree. I will try and be equally clear. It isn't ghosting that's the issue for me that shit is obvious. Maybe I am thick, but it seems simply to me: If whatever you aren't telling the other person would affect whether they wanted to stay in the relationship, and you know - that's shitty behaviour. If a woman says to me. I need you to promise you won't ghost me if we have sex, men have done that and it hurts me. Please just tell me if you don't want to see me again. I fuck her and then ghost her. She starts messaging because she wants to know and I start saying she's clingy and needs to own her feelings more. Nah, I am just avoiding being called out on it. It is cowardly, shows a lack of respect and it is unnecessary. What I am doing is avoiding feeling bad about it and finding a way to project that onto them. Just be honest and tell the person, then if they don't get it sure ghost the crap out of them. Thank you. I have been on the receiving end many many times of mixed messages and unclear behaviour. I can honestly hand on heart say I haven’t done that. But I have removed myself entirely from the situation. Just like in your example above "I have no doubt. | |||
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"Ghosting, and it many derived behaviours point towards an individual having some form of narcassism. The disposable society, where self aggrandisement is the aim. Nothing and noone is worth anything against your needs. Objectification of the moment, and once that moment no longer generates the dopamine hit, it is discarded, ultimately replaceable. The feelings of the moment do not matter, as the discard removes any attachment. It can also indicate a lack of conflict control and management skills, but honestly I would suggest anyone who uses ghosting as a part of their engagement strategy will also display the classic signs of self absorption and narcastist personality. No, ghosting is exactly what has to be done when dealing with a narcissist. No, ghosting is how you encourage the narcastist to fixate and avoids dealing with the conflict. Telling them you are no longer engaging, following that up with communication blocks and disengagement so they are under no misapprehension there will be further contact; that is how. But milage may vary, as does willingness." You do it your way. Mine worked for me. | |||
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"With all due respect to your effort in writing this, I think you are overapplying the term a little. Ghosting is about someone you have an active, tangible relationship with abruptly ending all communication. I understand that some online relationships can get very deep, but your average online prospect disappearing is just not on the same level as say a pump&dump, it should not cause your sense of self to collapse. Online communications are extremely low effort and as a result many people will use them to experiment, or strictly for amusement, and quite commonly they are seen as expendable. Anyone who engages with others online must build resilience to this. Do not invest emotionally into people you don't know yet, do not rely on strangers for validation. If you are struggling with these, please look into building up your self esteem, friends and therapy can help. ------ I appreciate your perspective, and I understand where you're coming from. However, I'd like to present an alternative viewpoint. While it's true that ghosting typically refers to abruptly ending communication in an active, tangible relationship, it has also become a term commonly used in the context of online interactions. In the digital age, many people form deep connections and invest significant emotional energy into online relationships. These connections can extend beyond mere amusement or experimentation and can hold genuine meaning for individuals involved. While it's important to recognize that online communications can be low effort and some people may engage in them casually or without much investment, it doesn't negate the fact that others may form strong emotional connections online. For some individuals, the sudden disappearance of an online prospect or a person they've built a connection with can still be emotionally distressing. Building resilience and maintaining a healthy sense of self-esteem are indeed valuable strategies for navigating online interactions. However, it's also essential to acknowledge the validity of emotions and the impact that certain actions can have on individuals, even in the context of online relationships. Different people have different emotional capacities and vulnerabilities, and what may seem insignificant to one person can deeply affect another. Encouraging individuals to seek therapy and support is a helpful suggestion, as it can provide them with the tools to navigate their emotions and develop healthier coping mechanisms. However, it's important to approach these situations with empathy and understanding, recognizing that everyone's experiences and emotional responses are unique. " . I agree with the top post here, that your opening post, though clearly well-meaning, is ultimately a conflation of too many different things. Ghosting (which you never actually defined, despite sounding so 'academic' - though I'm guessing that is a second-language thing) is, at its very worst, a form of online abuse really, but it's also a form of irresponsibility (effectively timewasting no-less!) and it's also sometimes just Fabswingers (where people can get lost, surfeited, embarrassed, weirdly forgetful - it is just sex - overwhelmed, misprised etc and ultimately just move on). I will say though, that it often surprises a lot of people how much the internet can hurt sometimes, ie the relatively trivial things - like basic incivility or inconsideration! But most people can surely sit up and think, why am I being so silly? C'mon be a bit stronger here. As someone else says in this thread, people should try not to over-invest until something is more solid. When it's more 'real' it's a different thing, and a very different type of ghosting - and a real 'modern day' abuse in some cases no-doubt. Suddenly leaving people high dry and confused after playing the romantic is not a good thing I do agree.. As a memory: many, many years ago I remember being blocked on my blue bar of soap (a Nokia 747 I think it was) cell phone very suddenly. It was a massive pain for a whole weekend before I realised it was a message I had to 'get'. It really inconvenienced me, and I just thought why? We had been talking for months on Guardian Soulmates (where was became "friends" : - ) and eventually had a good day out in London! People did often talk for months on end back then, before we realised the wisdom of meeting sooner rather than later then spread that around as a clever dating meme. I then found out about phone blocking and one of its biggest problems - not just does the phone still ring, it still accepts your 10p texts - how can that even be legal!!!! I think it's that period of uncertainty that is such an inconvenience and wind-up. Add to that somebody who is vulnerable perhaps, and sure - none of it is great. But we still can't conflate different things here, as definition is everything really. Fabswingers itself is a bit like serving behind a supermarket till I feel - you do have to built at least a little bit of a skin. People can move on here, and they don't all say au revoir. pt | |||
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"With all due respect to your effort in writing this, I think you are overapplying the term a little. Ghosting is about someone you have an active, tangible relationship with abruptly ending all communication. I understand that some online relationships can get very deep, but your average online prospect disappearing is just not on the same level as say a pump&dump, it should not cause your sense of self to collapse. Online communications are extremely low effort and as a result many people will use them to experiment, or strictly for amusement, and quite commonly they are seen as expendable. Anyone who engages with others online must build resilience to this. Do not invest emotionally into people you don't know yet, do not rely on strangers for validation. If you are struggling with these, please look into building up your self esteem, friends and therapy can help." I absolutely agree with this. Personally, I don’t ghost anyone I’ve had contact with… I will tell them politely but bluntly ‘no thanks’ or that the conversation isn’t going anywhere, and if they continue to push the issue then it’s a block. My responsibility for somebody else’s mental health ends with trying my best not to cause them any stress or harm, but not to the detriment of my own time, relationships, or mental state. That doesn’t mean I’m not compassionate when I’m engaged, it just means I’m not obligated to anyone I don’t know. If you’re communicating with other people on any level, especially online or through social media, it is your responsibility to educate yourself on the pitfalls, to build your social skills enough to deal with rejection, and to manage your own resilience to interactions not going your own way. | |||
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" Unfortunately when one feels deeply but the other is only toying around, the genuine meaning was a fantasy - something easily fabricated online. So the important question for me is, how can these vulnerable, sensitive individuals (I have been one of them) safeguard themselves from manipulation, and how can they refrain from overinvesting into something that they only wish is solid. I think people owe it to their self esteem to invest very little until they've seen the whites of the others eyes and spent time regularly with them in real life " Spot on. People need to take responsibility for their own expectations. Some seriously need to grow a backbone. If your self esteem is so low that someone ending chat on here indicates you need therapy or questionnaire worth... you are in the wrong place. | |||
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"So to sum up - always talk to people you’ve no interest in, keep them bouyed up & positive even when you’ve outlined reasons the ‘relationship’ isn’t viable, be their counsellor, be understanding until they maybe end up ghosting you when they realise what you’ve known pretty much all along and give yourself a pat on the back for being a veritable Saint , for being everything to everyone "  | |||
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"OP while your thread is admirable, I'm sorry I have to pour a bit of realism here! I'm a 52yr old woman. I've been around the block a fair few times. I've been ghosted via actual relationships a few times (before social media and the internet) and I've been ghosted on fab a few times too! There is a point where we each need to develop a bit of emotional resilience! And take responsibility for how others impact us! We can't control how others behave. And humans will behave badly for their owns reasons. But we do need to develop ways of shrugging this stuff off. Because actually, in the grand scheme of things it's really not a big deal if some person on fab goes silent is it? No one has died! You didn't get hurt! It hit your ego! So what! Brush yourself off and go find someone worthwhile meeting. You will never know why you were ghosted, whether it was something you did, or something cropped up for the other person? If you're going to fall apart at every knock back on fab, then I'd suggest fab is too harsh enough environment for u! " I'd go with this! X | |||
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"*Devils advocate*… sometimes ghosting is the *only* thing to do. If you know you’re involved with a cling-on, who’ll use everything you say as a way-in to keep contact going, ghost by all means. Other peoples emotional health isn’t my responsibility beyond a certain point. It’s theirs
while ghosting may seem like an easy way out in certain situations, it is important to consider the potential harm it can cause to the person being ghosted and the broader impact it can have on relationships. Taking responsibility for clear and honest communication can contribute to healthier and more respectful interactions, even in challenging situations"Not in every case though. I've had to deliberately ghost people who didn't deserve any communication. I've done it on fab with someone who was using my friendship as currency and sharing my personal details with those she wished to ingratiate herself with. She was guilty of trying to"out"others on here and obsessed with explaining how some were dangerous and hideous. I explained to her why I had zero interest in the shitshow she was creating but nothing I said made the slightest difference. I turned my back on her completely and immediately became the aggressor in her eyes and that is how she continues to portray me to this day. Communication is vital in any relationship or friendship but if one person is acting the cunt they fully deserve the consequences of being ghosted. Also in relation to fab there are many sides to every story and many excellent storytellers so I take most of the sad tales with a pinch of salt. | |||
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"Ghosting is not when you chat to someone here for a week and then they block you. That can sting, but I agree that resilience is needed to be on Fab or any similar site. It brings me down for a day when someone does that. It has no other lasting effect. That's not ghosting. I have been ghosted. Six months ago by my FWB whom I've known for several years. And over 3 years ago by a man I was dating for six months. Both I had met in person at their homes often. Messaged a great deal. Voice calls, sometimes nightly. Intimacy. Closeness. Connection. Feelings. Both men simply stopped replying to my messages one day. Never heard from either of them again. They could have said goodbye in 100 different ways that were less hurtful and long lasting but they were cowards. And it strikes at the core of my self-worth. That men who knew me well, whose shoulders I had cried on and whose worries I had listened to - just decided I wasn't worth anything at all. And that's what ghosting does to people. " Similar experiences. ‘And it strikes at the core of my self-worth.’ It really does. | |||
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"*Devils advocate*… sometimes ghosting is the *only* thing to do. If you know you’re involved with a cling-on, who’ll use everything you say as a way-in to keep contact going, ghost by all means. Other peoples emotional health isn’t my responsibility beyond a certain point. It’s theirs
while ghosting may seem like an easy way out in certain situations, it is important to consider the potential harm it can cause to the person being ghosted and the broader impact it can have on relationships. Taking responsibility for clear and honest communication can contribute to healthier and more respectful interactions, even in challenging situations"Nice in theory but some people just don't take no for an answer. Plus people need to manage their expectations. Are we talking people who have recently met or are 6 months in? | |||
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"Ghosting is not when you chat to someone here for a week and then they block you. That can sting, but I agree that resilience is needed to be on Fab or any similar site. It brings me down for a day when someone does that. It has no other lasting effect. That's not ghosting. I have been ghosted. Six months ago by my FWB whom I've known for several years. And over 3 years ago by a man I was dating for six months. Both I had met in person at their homes often. Messaged a great deal. Voice calls, sometimes nightly. Intimacy. Closeness. Connection. Feelings. Both men simply stopped replying to my messages one day. Never heard from either of them again. They could have said goodbye in 100 different ways that were less hurtful and long lasting but they were cowards. And it strikes at the core of my self-worth. That men who knew me well, whose shoulders I had cried on and whose worries I had listened to - just decided I wasn't worth anything at all. And that's what ghosting does to people. Similar experiences. ‘And it strikes at the core of my self-worth.’ It really does. " I'm sorry you experienced it too. This thread - when I wonder why I'm so wary - brings it all back. The lack of answers and the brutal method just makes it so much harder to move on. Not from the person - from the feelings they inspired by not being able to say "it's not working". | |||
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"Real ghosting is not great, no doubt about that. I think it's partly that 'modern' sense of distance between each other, the political rise of individualism (where 'putting ourselves first' is not just often unavoidable or 'ok', it somehow became an ideal), and of course how we exploit it all.. because it's just so easy to do now. The 20C hasn't ended really has it. pt" Ayn Rand was start of that revolution, in my humble opinion. I agree, if you are hyper-individualised, discarding people is of little consequence. If everything is condensed to transactions between individuals then it's all just behaviour and it doesn't matter if you disregard another person's feelings. Some things are still immoral though right? If you have an issue with wealth inequality you are jealous and bad. Greed though: well that's a virtue. I find it interesting that the morality, which supports the zeitgeist is still upheld. | |||
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"Real ghosting is not great, no doubt about that. I think it's partly that 'modern' sense of distance between each other, the political rise of individualism (where 'putting ourselves first' is not just often unavoidable or 'ok', it somehow became an ideal), and of course how we exploit it all.. because it's just so easy to do now. The 20C hasn't ended really has it. pt Ayn Rand was start of that revolution, in my humble opinion. I agree, if you are hyper-individualised, discarding people is of little consequence. If everything is condensed to transactions between individuals then it's all just behaviour and it doesn't matter if you disregard another person's feelings. Some things are still immoral though right? If you have an issue with wealth inequality you are jealous and bad. Greed though: well that's a virtue. I find it interesting that the morality, which supports the zeitgeist is still upheld. " I think Rand has turned into Wikipedia, via her most well-known (unknown) fan Jimmy Wales. It's self-fulfilling knowledge by numbers, pushiness and cabals. It will hit, it will miss, but they lie about it's 'factuality' all the time. Most of its contributors are exploited 'turnover' essentially. Knowledge is power, and that Wikimedia Foundation generates a bomb like all charities of its ilk do. Greed is still good, for sure. pt | |||
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"My responsibility for somebody else’s mental health ends with trying my best not to cause them any stress or harm, but not to the detriment of my own time, relationships, or mental state. That doesn’t mean I’m not compassionate when I’m engaged, it just means I’m not obligated to anyone I don’t know. If you’re communicating with other people on any level, especially online or through social media, it is your responsibility to educate yourself on the pitfalls, to build your social skills enough to deal with rejection, and to manage your own resilience to interactions not going your own way." I haven’t read the full thread as frankly, even the initial post I found far too wordy but 100% this. I wouldn’t intentionally hurt someone’s feelings but I’m not going to drag out contact with someone when there’s no longer any interest. I wouldn’t ghost someone in ‘real life’ - they would get a clear explanation, but for a virtual stranger online who I’d had limited chat with, I wouldn’t feel any obligation to them whatsoever. | |||
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"May I ask, what’s an “inclusive perspective” ? " I think the OP just means one that includes all types of ghosting, and maybe one for all types of victim (if that's the right word). It's fair enough, but when you get too inclusive it's easy to conflate different things though (it needed some examples to frame its points imo, which actually helps when you are writing). I think it came across as a bit jargonistic and academic-speak because I think English isn't the OP's main language, and that can happen when someone goes into a lot of detail. I do actually appreciate the attention to people's mental health, it's always worth looking at I think. pt | |||
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" I wouldn’t intentionally hurt someone’s feelings but I’m not going to drag out contact with someone when there’s no longer any interest. I wouldn’t ghost someone in ‘real life’ - they would get a clear explanation, but for a virtual stranger online who I’d had limited chat with, I wouldn’t feel any obligation to them whatsoever. " More to the point we’re not responsible for others’ feelings. How someone takes being ghosted - regardless of circumstances and intent - is up to them. | |||
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" I wouldn’t intentionally hurt someone’s feelings but I’m not going to drag out contact with someone when there’s no longer any interest. I wouldn’t ghost someone in ‘real life’ - they would get a clear explanation, but for a virtual stranger online who I’d had limited chat with, I wouldn’t feel any obligation to them whatsoever. More to the point we’re not responsible for others’ feelings. How someone takes being ghosted - regardless of circumstances and intent - is up to them. " I think behaving like a twat is something we are responsible for though (which is what ghosting is) | |||
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" I wouldn’t intentionally hurt someone’s feelings but I’m not going to drag out contact with someone when there’s no longer any interest. I wouldn’t ghost someone in ‘real life’ - they would get a clear explanation, but for a virtual stranger online who I’d had limited chat with, I wouldn’t feel any obligation to them whatsoever. More to the point we’re not responsible for others’ feelings. How someone takes being ghosted - regardless of circumstances and intent - is up to them. I think behaving like a twat is something we are responsible for though (which is what ghosting is)" I agree with this to an extent If I've ever cut contact with someone there's a reason and I'll have given them warnings before I do.Sometimes people don't listen though. I wouldn't be bothered if I'd only chatted to someone briefly on here ,if they then stopped talking to me etc.Its happened and I've probably been guilty of it too,of I don't feel it's going anywhere. If you've met that person or been in touch for years ,it can feel worse if they suddenly cut you off. Some may do it once they've got what they want ,others may have things going on in life that's affecting them. I take it as a red flag if people chat then go quiet for long periods though & just stop replying. I agree that we are responsible for both our behaviour & our own feelings too though. | |||
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"Bumping this because, despite some of the mockery that prevails on this subject, it's not a trivial issue and the emotional impact can be significant. Bumping this also in respect to Headintheclouds' thread earlier. "It can indeed, good call sir. | |||
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"Bumping this because, despite some of the mockery that prevails on this subject, it's not a trivial issue and the emotional impact can be significant. Bumping this also in respect to Headintheclouds' thread earlier. "havent read headintheclouds but will go and search it out now - this is long and yea has value in my opinion. No one has knowledge of someone else's mental health state. think it has all been said in this thread . but we do need to build emotional resilience but not when your hurting, having someone you can talk to and discussing things that are not comfortable go some way to helping build that emotional resilience. None of us are perfect and we all have our breaking points, our trigger points, I recently found one of mine. Cant we just be kind to each other!!! yea i know people just arent xx | |||
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