FabSwingers.com forum: Post your Lonely Hearts Ad here

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Erm.... Hello I'm looking for a shag. I do a really great helicopter striptease routine...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oi oi saveloy, can I get my dick wet, and my face glazed.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Oi oi saveloy, can I get my dick wet, and my face glazed."

No it's not that sort of helicopter.

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

Have dick, will cum. Some cuddling included.

LvM

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By *nitterWoman
over a year ago

the land of tall tales and yarn

SWF seeks victim

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Have dick, will cum. Some cuddling included.

LvM"

Dick cuddling?

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

"Have dick, will cum. Some cuddling included.

LvM

Dick cuddling? "

Spooning/ forking

LvM

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"SWF seeks victim"

SWF?... single witch female?

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Romantic, affectionate and eloquent gentleman wishes to wine, dine and generally treat a lady like a true queen…..before shooting my rancid man fat all over her wanton tiddys

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Will fuck in exchange for food.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Have dick, will cum. Some cuddling included.

LvM

Dick cuddling?

Spooning/ forking

LvM"

What the damn heck is forking?

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By *ermite12ukMan
over a year ago

Solihull and Brentwood

Looking for:

A tall, well-built woman with good

reputation, who can cook frogs,

legs, who appreciates a good fuc-

shia garden classical music and tal

king without getting too serious.

But please only read lines 1,3 & 6

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

I'll keep it simple.

FAF?

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"I'll keep it simple.

FAF?"

Dammit. You stole my line

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"I'll keep it simple.

FAF?

Dammit. You stole my line

You snooze you lose.

The alternative of course was the classic 'alright big tits, looking for some action?'

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Romantic, affectionate and eloquent gentleman wishes to wine, dine and generally treat a lady like a true queen…..before shooting my rancid man fat all over her wanton tiddys

Baton down your filter hatches, You're about to get inundated!

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

"Have dick, will cum. Some cuddling included.

LvM

Dick cuddling?

Spooning/ forking

LvM

What the damn heck is forking? "

Like spooning but with a bit more poke

LvM

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

[Removed by poster at 20/09/23 21:18:54]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'll keep it simple.

FAF?

Dammit. You stole my line

You snooze you lose.

The alternative of course was the classic 'alright big tits, looking for some action?'

I know it looks like it but that's not my leg in there.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"I'll keep it simple.

FAF?

Dammit. You stole my line

You snooze you lose.

The alternative of course was the classic 'alright big tits, looking for some action?'

Use that one... I can't use that one.

Then I can have "FAF" back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Older model available for trips out, nights in and horizontal action. Good overall condition but would benefit from some tlc.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Have dick, will cum. Some cuddling included.

LvM

Dick cuddling?

Spooning/ forking

LvM

What the damn heck is forking?

Like spooning but with a bit more poke

LvM"

Oh... go on then, no time to play shy!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"SWF seeks victim"

Omg I might watch that film tonight! Thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unconvincing aging transvestite, seeks attention and fartbox tongue punching.

GSOH

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Older model available for trips out, nights in and horizontal action. Good overall condition but would benefit from some WD40. "

Lube matters.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

PW's pussy and nipples seek attention.

None of this complicated bullshit please, just show up, play nice, don't be a dick but give me the dick, and for several hours.

Might make you a sandwich after but you'll defo get a glass of water or two.

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By *aizyWoman
over a year ago

west midlands

"SWF seeks victim

Omg I might watch that film tonight! Thanks

I haven't watched that film in yrs might have to see if I can find it myself too!

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By *ussieChrisMan
over a year ago

Walsall

Single bloke, ready to play, ladies only need apply

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"PW's pussy and nipples seek attention.

None of this complicated bullshit please, just show up, play nice, don't be a dick but give me the dick, and for several hours.

Might make you a sandwich after but you'll defo get a glass of water or two.

Spotted a typo.

You said hours

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"SWF seeks victim

Omg I might watch that film tonight! Thanks

I haven't watched that film in yrs might have to see if I can find it myself too!"

Weirdly I thought about it in the last month, I think someone else said the words SWF and that's why. But otherwise no. It's been years.

Might have to watch basic instinct too again.

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By *ussieChrisMan
over a year ago

Walsall

"PW's pussy and nipples seek attention.

None of this complicated bullshit please, just show up, play nice, don't be a dick but give me the dick, and for several hours.

Might make you a sandwich after but you'll defo get a glass of water or two.

all for a glass of water or 2.. I'm in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"PW's pussy and nipples seek attention.

None of this complicated bullshit please, just show up, play nice, don't be a dick but give me the dick, and for several hours.

Might make you a sandwich after but you'll defo get a glass of water or two.

Spotted a typo.

You said hours

How about a reword?

Give me it several times

(Provided you can get me off quickly that is)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"PW's pussy and nipples seek attention.

None of this complicated bullshit please, just show up, play nice, don't be a dick but give me the dick, and for several hours.

Might make you a sandwich after but you'll defo get a glass of water or two.

all for a glass of water or 2.. I'm in

I cant feel it

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

"Looking for:

A tall, well-built woman with good

reputation, who can cook frogs,

legs, who appreciates a good fuc-

shia garden classical music and tal

king without getting too serious.

But please only read lines 1,3 & 6"

Very clever lol

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By *aizyWoman
over a year ago

west midlands

"SWF seeks victim

Omg I might watch that film tonight! Thanks

I haven't watched that film in yrs might have to see if I can find it myself too!

Weirdly I thought about it in the last month, I think someone else said the words SWF and that's why. But otherwise no. It's been years.

Might have to watch basic instinct too again. "

And Fatal Attraction and Disclosure, thats my weekend sorted!

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

OK look I'm lover of women really nice guy I only get the cane out after

I've d*unk the potion.Mr Hyde

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By *olt123321Man
over a year ago

South Yorkshire

Not to sure about my heart .. but my dick is lonely

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Unconvincing aging transvestite, seeks attention and fartbox tongue punching.

GSOH "

Will your fartbox get my gsoh though?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unconvincing aging transvestite, seeks attention and fartbox tongue punching.

GSOH

Will your fartbox get my gsoh though?"

with a bit if luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OK look I'm lover of women really nice guy I only get the cane out after

I've d*unk the potion.Mr Hyde "

Well, that isn't going to put ant women off is it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OK look I'm lover of women really nice guy I only get the cane out after

I've d*unk the potion.Mr Hyde

Well, that isn't going to put ant women off is it!

Not the wonen he's after

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Unconvincing aging transvestite, seeks attention and fartbox tongue punching.

GSOH

Will your fartbox get my gsoh though?

with a bit if luck"

Did you mean with a bit of lick?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Average looking bloke with average middle aged man miles on the clock seeks a female cuddle buddy/spooning partner

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"SWF seeks victim

Omg I might watch that film tonight! Thanks

I haven't watched that film in yrs might have to see if I can find it myself too!

Weirdly I thought about it in the last month, I think someone else said the words SWF and that's why. But otherwise no. It's been years.

Might have to watch basic instinct too again.

And Fatal Attraction and Disclosure, thats my weekend sorted!"

I want to high five you now!!

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By *nitterWoman
over a year ago

the land of tall tales and yarn

"SWF seeks victim

SWF?... single witch female?

Single wobbly female

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Average looking bloke with average middle aged man miles on the clock seeks a female cuddle buddy/spooning partner

No sex?

Dam

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unconvincing aging transvestite, seeks attention and fartbox tongue punching.

GSOH

Will your fartbox get my gsoh though?

with a bit if luck

Did you mean with a bit of lick?

badoom tish

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"OK look I'm lover of women really nice guy I only get the cane out after

I've d*unk the potion.Mr Hyde

Well, that isn't going to put ant women off is it!

Not the wonen he's after

Cheeky bastard you know I only want women told you .you catch dyslexia .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Older model available for trips out, nights in and horizontal action. Good overall condition but would benefit from some WD40.

Lube matters.....

Spunk away

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By *elloWoman
over a year ago

alpha centauri

Ugly Virgin Desperately Seeks Sex of Any Description,

Hot Young Buck,

Foxy Stoat Seeks Pig,

Foxy Stoat on the Prowl,

Musky Sly Old Foxy Stoat,

Minky Musky Sly Old Stoaty Stoaty Stoat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Smacks and snacks - you request the snacks, I provide the smacks

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Ugly Virgin Desperately Seeks Sex of Any Description,

Hot Young Buck,

Foxy Stoat Seeks Pig,

Foxy Stoat on the Prowl,

Musky Sly Old Foxy Stoat,

Minky Musky Sly Old Stoaty Stoaty Stoat"

You forgot badger.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Average looking bloke with average middle aged man miles on the clock seeks a female cuddle buddy/spooning partner

No sex?

Dam "

I couldn’t afford the extortionate price of a full ad…so half of it was cut out

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By *r_PinkMan
over a year ago

london stratford

Short, fatter then he should be, no foreskin, dirty old perverted man seeks woman or couple to let it all hang out

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

My wife doesn't understand me or fuck anymore looking for a real goer who like it dirty if you know what I mean

Wink wink .

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
over a year ago

Essex

I’ll be really quick. You won’t even notice I’m there.

And I’ll be super grateful.

Pretty please with a cherry on top.

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By *ussieChrisMan
over a year ago

Walsall

"PW's pussy and nipples seek attention.

None of this complicated bullshit please, just show up, play nice, don't be a dick but give me the dick, and for several hours.

Might make you a sandwich after but you'll defo get a glass of water or two.

all for a glass of water or 2.. I'm in

I cant feel it

damn, nice way to twist my words.. lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ugly Virgin Desperately Seeks Sex of Any Description,

Hot Young Buck,

Foxy Stoat Seeks Pig,

Foxy Stoat on the Prowl,

Musky Sly Old Foxy Stoat,

Minky Musky Sly Old Stoaty Stoaty Stoat"

"I don't think they were lesbians Richie. They got off with tbhose two other blokes, handsomer wittier,... well basically those two bolkes that didn't have a load of toilet roll stuffed down their trousres!"

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By *ate_BMan
over a year ago

London

Me: Seek a FWB to join mile high club and will happily fill your glass full of champagne.

You: Must have a private jet with a fridge stocked full of glasses and champagne

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’ll be really quick. You won’t even notice I’m there.

And I’ll be super grateful.

Pretty please with a cherry on top."

Is it one of those sweet glacier cherries you put atop of a cake?

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Male virgin with 10 inch dick very heavy cummer seek lady teacher .

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

"Smacks and snacks - you request the snacks, I provide the smacks

Smacks you say…

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

I've just won 4 million on the lottery I'm looking for a wife .

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

Tall bird with a heart of gold and a tounge like acid, seeks a majestic man who can participate, in wit relay at speed with confidence. Oh and he must have a peachy arse for caressing purposes

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Tall bird with a heart of gold and a tounge like acid, seeks a majestic man who can participate, in wit relay at speed with confidence. Oh and he must have a peachy arse for caressing purposes

My bums good for caressing, but my cock is alergic to acid.

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By *illan-KillashMan
over a year ago

London/Sussex/Surrey/Berks/Hants

Genuine lesbian, usual description, seeks two other lesbians with long blonde hair to do things in front of me while I watch.

Honestly I'm a real lesbian.

Call Dave or Malcolm on 01** 67**94**

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Desperate old bird who will make do with anyone who offers.

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"Desperate old bird who will make do with anyone who offers.

I think I'm in love

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"Desperate old bird who will make do with anyone who offers.

I think I'm in love "

I'm shit in bed.

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"Desperate old bird who will make do with anyone who offers.

I think I'm in love

I'm shit in bed. "

Its OK we don't have to use the bed .

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

Chunky, warmongering blonde with ever expanding toy collection seeks tall man with ink for regular spankings and occasional reminders of who’s boss. Must like jacuzzis, pizza and lemon drizzle. And glitter.

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By *elloWoman
over a year ago

alpha centauri

3 moist holes, will swallow.

Yep. That'll do it. Short and sweet.

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By *illy IdolMan
over a year ago

Midlands

Single male who seeks a double jointed supermodel, who owns her own brewery. Access to free concert tickets is a plus, as is having a open minded twin sister. Failing that, will settle for a ONS.

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"Chunky, warmongering blonde with ever expanding toy collection seeks tall man with ink for regular spankings and occasional reminders of who’s boss. Must like jacuzzis, pizza and lemon drizzle. And glitter. "

So let's check tall man with a pen who like to remind you who is the boss like jacuzzis ,pizza and lemon drizzle puts up with glitter .

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Not tall or with ink... I'm deliciously accomplished at being naughty though and require regular spankings? .... Only like pizza with pinapple.

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By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

Trick or treat trick or treat give me a nice girl to bum in the anus

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"3 moist holes, will swallow.

Yep. That'll do it. Short and sweet."

How do you get to your planet did you say .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pleaser here and ready to go hahah

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

So let's check tall man with a pen who like to remind you who is the boss like jacuzzis ,pizza and lemon drizzle puts up with glitter ."

Puts up with and likes are two very different things

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

Not tall or with ink... I'm deliciously accomplished at being naughty though and require regular spankings? .... Only like pizza with pinapple. "

Knew you were a wrong’un!

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By *elloWoman
over a year ago

alpha centauri

"3 moist holes, will swallow.

Yep. That'll do it. Short and sweet.

How do you get to your planet did you say ."

Second star to right and straight on till morning

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By *oquars19458Man
over a year ago

sheffield

"Unconvincing aging transvestite, seeks attention and fartbox tongue punching.

GSOH

Will your fartbox get my gsoh though?

with a bit if luck

Did you mean with a bit of lick?

Allo Allo

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

So let's check tall man with a pen who like to remind you who is the boss like jacuzzis ,pizza and lemon drizzle puts up with glitter .

Puts up with and likes are two very different things

OK you've convince me its match made heaven OK I'll like glitter .you do have pineapple on the pizza tho .

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

"Tall bird with a heart of gold and a tounge like acid, seeks a majestic man who can participate, in wit relay at speed with confidence. Oh and he must have a peachy arse for caressing purposes

My bums good for caressing, but my cock is alergic to acid.

Ahhh phooey

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"Tall bird with a heart of gold and a tounge like acid, seeks a majestic man who can participate, in wit relay at speed with confidence. Oh and he must have a peachy arse for caressing purposes

My bums good for caressing, but my cock is alergic to acid.

Ahhh phooey

I've got good bum and no alegic to acid .

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Early riser you know what I mean ladies come and get me.

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By *assP69Couple
over a year ago

Tamworth

"3 moist holes, will swallow.

Yep. That'll do it. Short and sweet."

Where do I sign?

Scott

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Look for shag don't much care who

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

If you like being disappointed, step right up and get your teeth around my beef.

The mr

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By *heelerMan
over a year ago

Northants

No meat taxes here

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By *heelerMan
over a year ago

Northants

Playing alone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Looking for sex kissing included

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

I’ve got cake, Prosecco and I’m a spider catching guru.

Seeking ladies who should’ve gone to specsavers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pretty face, good for sitting on. Excellent dick game. But just decent company most of all. HMU if you want to fall in love.

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

Hello my name is A2000Man...I bet you ladies have got smashing blouses on.

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Look I'll be had honest my wife lost interest in sex I'm looking for an easy fuck who do all the stuff the wife doesn't and hey if we can fuck other women together as well all good .

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

53yo Premature ejaculator Seeks young attractive woman, Must have pert breasts, big luscious lips, great figure and a tight firm arse, and....aaaaaw, nooooooo, for f.ck sake, never mind!!!!!!

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By *hinstrapMan
over a year ago

Barnsley

45yrs young seeks a bevy of beauties for sexy time. Must have own hair n teeth

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Its your last chance these ads are costing a fortune.

I'm not asking for much sex morning noon and nite 3 somes moresomes.and of course you cooking and cleaning and going out to work .

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By *hagTonightMan
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.

I am looking for a shag buddie, someone to meet up with couple of times a week, not just for sex, but also to go out for walks and have a coffee with

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Sad, lonely single guy full of BK and red wine seeks local hottie with nice arse.

*must bring own mug.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Travel buddy, must be fit I.e can walk quite a bit up hills, and hot , to keep me warm, ideally likes Photography and kinky sex, and doesn’t wanna go to fancy places all the time.

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By *panksspankedMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"SWF seeks victim

SWF?... single witch female?

Single wobbly female"

You sound perfect

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By *panksspankedMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Looking for someone to do fun stuff with

Wine optional

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

Fabulous trans seeks sapiosexual woman. If size 12/14, 38B then you'll be able to borrow my dresses and lingerie... Can cook and have large library, handy with superglue and massage oil (though not at the same time), knows what to do with a goto statement...

Hoping for tummy rubs and company during long winter nights.

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By *rawleyjamesMan
over a year ago

Haywards Heath

Taken man needs to be ridden by an eager woman

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By *urora1912Woman
over a year ago

Norfolk East anglia

"Have dick, will cum. Some cuddling included.

LvM

Dick cuddling?

Spooning/ forking

LvM"

Can I get a fork

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By *o scandalousWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

[Removed by poster at 22/09/23 22:50:24]

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By *o scandalousWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Romantic, affectionate and eloquent gentleman wishes to wine, dine and generally treat a lady like a true queen…..before shooting my rancid man fat all over her wanton tiddys

Get yer coat matey, you’ve pulled!

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Look I'm running out of money for these ads .final final offer .

OK sex only ,4 times day now you can wear clothes one day a week when you see your mother .

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By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

"Shut up"

"Do what I tell you"

"I'm not interested"

These are just some of the things you'll be hearing if you answer this ad.

I'm an idiot and I don't care about anyone but myself.

Ps... No dogs.

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By *illan-KillashMan
over a year ago

London/Sussex/Surrey/Berks/Hants

Single M, seeks short sighted woman with loose morals, low standards and poor judgement.

Apply within.

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By *adbodwxm78Man
over a year ago

Wrexham

Single white male, dad bod but good shoulders and legs. I have a mowhawk hairdo with a beard. Single for 8 years only had sex or intimacy once in that time. I'm actually a nice bloke just lost my mojo lol, So if you're up for a challenge ladies feel free to message me!

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Miserable bastard seeks miserable bitch to fuck and have a good old moan about everything whilst the Mrs is off shagging young guy's.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bent over waiting. Karen

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By *ustamanMan
over a year ago

weymouth

Well I'm here aren't I, I mean who could resist a 6'2" 64y old skinny bean pole with an above average cock - what more could you want.

Oh yeh a gsoh and a personality - hmm ok I'll crawl back in my box now

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By *o scandalousWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

Crabbit fussy bitch seeks impeccable rugby player type, to treat her like a lady outside in public and to treat her like the crazy woman she is in private. Channing Tatum types to the front please….

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Moody cow but good at sucking cock. Won't make you happy but will make you cum like a happy whale.

Apply within.

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"Moody cow but good at sucking cock. Won't make you happy but will make you cum

like a happy whale.

Apply within."

Eh up get thee coat. Thars pulled .

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By *ohnboy64Man
over a year ago

Blackpool

Stinking, obese, selfish ugly bastard seeks beautiful lady for serious relationship. Genuine replies only.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Self description

Late forties, single bloke, spends longer trimming hair in places that he'd prefer be hairless than trimming hair that he'd prefer to have hair

Takes him all night to do things he used to do all night

Get him while you can he's notgetting any better

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

Here I sit, broken hearted. I'm late taking over and I've only farted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Intelligent gent likes to give affection and treats a women as a lady.

Always smiling and happy that also loves to gets something straight between you.

Little bit of mileage good body work and is a good runner still a performance left

Must try before you buy

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Let's keep it short and sweet .

I'll love you longtime .

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I looking for a settee cuddle buddy. I will supply drinks, snacks and chat.

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By *JB1954Man
over a year ago

Reading

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Let me fuck you

Fed up of using right hand

Thinking of you

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Owner of broken heart need a repair artist to bring it back to life.

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By *adbodwxm78Man
23 weeks ago

Wrexham

Have to say, awesome pics and profile 🥰🥰

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By *elix SightedMan
23 weeks ago

Cloud 8

There was a nice gent called Felix

Whose winkie could do special tricks

It does loop the loops

And can squeeze in tight hoops

But sometimes gets caught round his bollix

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By *viatrixWoman
23 weeks ago

Redhill

I want a gorgeous, intelligent and emotionally intelligent FWB.

Ideally with time on their hands so I can take them away… ✈️ ✈️ ✈️

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
23 weeks ago

Southampton

"There was a nice gent called Felix

Whose winkie could do special tricks

It does loop the loops

And can squeeze in tight hoops

But sometimes gets caught round his bollix "

Well knock me down with a feather... sold

🤣

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By *elboy1978Man
23 weeks ago

Jarrow

Looking for sex with women and couples

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By *he KakapoMan
23 weeks ago

A nice rock

Me: somewhat sane (my mom had me tested) she says hi by the way.

All my own 4 hairs.

I have a job.. well I had until that incident with HR

You:

Gets on with my mum, looks kinda like my mum, smells like my.. well we can talk about that after you get in the van...

Oh me again:

Owns own van

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By *reggSausageMan
23 weeks ago

derby

Grey haired massive tit seeks ornithologist for lengthy examination of flight manuals and explorations into the wild unknown, you must be a wizard and proficient in snake milking, will bring snacks

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By *cLovin2Man
23 weeks ago

Reading

Aging many 80s fat bloke, with heart and breathing problems, permanently connected to an oxygen cylinder. Seeks hot lady 25-35, must be a super model, have 34-26-34 measurements, be a demon in bed and like Delia smith in the kitchen.

Must come with cake.

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By *ags73Man
23 weeks ago

glasgow-ish

Man seeks fun lady for fun?

It’s hard enough writing the bio thing

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By (user no longer on site)
23 weeks ago

"Aging many 80s fat bloke, with heart and breathing problems, permanently connected to an oxygen cylinder. Seeks hot lady 25-35, must be a super model, have 34-26-34 measurements, be a demon in bed and like Delia smith in the kitchen.

Must come with cake.

Arrive with the cake or reach orgasm with the sight of cake?

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By *he KakapoMan
23 weeks ago

A nice rock

Must come with cake.

Arrive with the cake or reach orgasm with the sight of cake? "

Or squirt icing?

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By *aramel.desiresMan
23 weeks ago

London

If you like Piña colada, getting caught in the rain! If you like making loving at midnight, then we can escape!

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By *cLovin2Man
23 weeks ago

Reading

Must come with cake.

Arrive with the cake or reach orgasm with the sight of cake? "

Either is acceptable, I'm feeling generous.

Iceland cake don't count tho.

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By *cLovin2Man
23 weeks ago

Reading

Must come with cake.

Arrive with the cake or reach orgasm with the sight of cake?

Or squirt icing?"

I got strangely aroused by your suggestion.

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By *cLovin2Man
23 weeks ago

Reading

Must come with cake.

Arrive with the cake or reach orgasm with the sight of cake? "

I forgot to add, must do anal.

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