FabSwingers.com forum: Blessed are the forgetful...

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

I recently rewatched a favourite film of mine - gold star if you recognise the quote.

When it comes to your life, if yoi had the option to, would you erase core memories? Or people?

Have you made peace with your life or are their spots you'd erase to bring you that peace?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve buried all the trauma already, Meli

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seriously though. I bang on about therapy a lot but in therapy I learned to forgive people that have done things to me that have hurt me. Whether they apologised or not. I forgave them. I forgave myself for however I responded. And I move on. Maybe there’s still things I’d erase but I’m at peace with most of them so it’s cool too if I didn’t.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/09/23 09:22:01]

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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago

Nottingham

I can't remember most of my childhood anyway, so I suspect my brain has already done this handy thing for me!

I'd erase one young adult memory that was out of my control, and there is one other memory that I don't know if I would erase or not. It has taught me much, but has also given me a sad/cynical edge that I never had before. I'd probably like to remove the cynicism to be honest which would mean erasing that event.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

think your mind automatically 'forgets' or 'blanks out,' certain memories. I know my mind definitely has when I was going through an extremely stressful, difficult and painful point in my life. I look back and honestly can't remember parts of it. I think your mind does this to relieve some of the pain and trauma.

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

I wouldn't erase nothing because are lessons learned , when it comes to my conscious mind , every day i sleep well because i never done nothing wrong to anyone and i feel proud for that

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

There are certain parts of my life I wish I could delete from memory but then when I remuinate over them I realise that I need the memories in order that I can learn from how I was.

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By *illan-KillashMan
over a year ago

London/Sussex/Surrey/Berks/Hants

"Seriously though. I bang on about therapy a lot but in therapy I learned to forgive people that have done things to me that have hurt me. Whether they apologised or not. I forgave them. I forgave myself for however I responded. And I move on. Maybe there’s still things I’d erase but I’m at peace with most of them so it’s cool too if I didn’t. "

Listen to George Zalucki, Profile of a Champion, he does a whole piece on forgiveness.

I'll see if I can dig out a copy for you at the next PPP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Currently trying to find peace, but I know a painful process to get the justice and closure I need is going to make it worse and be hell before it gets any better.

Yes I would erase things, yes I would change things, I would give absolutely anything and some to have what was taken from me. I will never get it though. It's impossible and I'm still trying to swallow that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I …

When it comes to your life, if yoi had the option to, would you erase core memories? Or people?

…"

No. I’ve thought about this lots. And lots.

No. It’s made me who I am. And even with all my struggles, I am so morally grounded and the best person I can be right now. And those memories and people influenced my life to get me here.

Just because it could be different, it doesn’t mean it would be better.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I have some things I’d rather not dwell on and forget, so I do. I think some stuff is so well buried it’s like a dream “did it really happen?” Sort of thing. I have no wish to pick at that thread.

Would I wish to erase it completely? I don’t know. How much of what has happened to me (good and bad) has made me into the person I am today? Would erasing stuff make me a better or worse person? Would it mean I’d not have my children?

It all has a knock on effect.

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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago

Stirling

If you only kept the happy memories and erased all those that caused pain, loss, grief, sadness even, you’d be less appreciative of those that brought joy, laughter, excitement etc

Life’s like a walk in the park, you never just go in a straight line, there’s always a trail that will intrigue you, something enticing, something beautiful to be explored, you’ll take a chance on those things and sometimes it will pay off other times it won’t. You’ll meet people along the way that enhance your life and some that take a little too much from it and eventually you will get to the other side hopefully having worked out who’s hand is worth holding onto and who or what you had to let go, either by choice or by default

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

My demons live in my dreams and only come out at night or during the day in one of those rare occasions when the other voices stop for a brief moment.

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By *ilsaGeorgeCouple
over a year ago

kent

I agree with this, for the most part. There is one person I cannot and will never forgive. What happened left me vulnerable for a long time, and much of the hurts that happened later were magnified because of this. I have forgiven myself for some erratic behaviour, and for the others, there isn’t really anything to forgive. They just revealed the truth of who they are. But for the person who started it all, what this person did is beyond any forgiveness. And this is something I have also made peace with. I will never forget, and there is no doubt that this has, and will always, stain my interactions with people to some degree. But again, I have accepted this. Making peace with yourself is quite liberating. Xx

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By *illan-KillashMan
over a year ago

London/Sussex/Surrey/Berks/Hants

"I recently rewatched a favourite film of mine - gold star if you recognise the quote.

When it comes to your life, if yoi had the option to, would you erase core memories? Or people?

Have you made peace with your life or are their spots you'd erase to bring you that peace? "

There are 3 very important and related dates in my past, significant events. I can't remember the date of any of them. It's like my subconscious has blocked out the pain.

I have them noted in my diary, to do what my brain refuses to do.

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By *amie HantsWoman
over a year ago

Atlantis

I know where every hatchet I’ve ever had is buried and I’m waiting for the opportune moment to dig it up.

Oh. You need a kidney, dear sister? Remember when you made me oink like a piggy before you gave me half your kitkat when I was 6?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Listen to George Zalucki, Profile of a Champion, he does a whole piece on forgiveness.

I'll see if I can dig out a copy for you at the next PPP. "

I literally cannot wait

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

Aww Pickle

Therapy helping you to get to a place where you're at peace with a lot of things is beautiful. And forgiveness. That's important isn't it? I think sometimes the idea of "spot" erasure can be enticing but having all those memories, making peace? That takes a lot of inner strength and is a wonderful thing, x

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By *hil most chillMan
over a year ago

South East & Europe

Eternal Sunshine is a great film but hell no I don't want gaps in my memories. Everything that happened to me led me to where I am now, and I like where I am now.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I'm guessing spotless mind. If so I love that film too. I love most of what Kaufman does.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

This is my favourite story about the power of forgiveness

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WhJDHqK39WA

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By *assy69Man
over a year ago

West Sussex and Wales

"I recently rewatched a favourite film of mine - gold star if you recognise the quote.

When it comes to your life, if yoi had the option to, would you erase core memories? Or people?

Have you made peace with your life or are their spots you'd erase to bring you that peace? "

I am finally starting to open up to someone about my past, my childhood, my traumas…… I have found someone that I trust enough to be able to open up to and finally reveal the real me…….. it is scary and terrifying, and I am scared of being judged but I hope, that this new found openness will finally bring some peace to certain areas of my life

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

Forgiving isn't so hard. Life has took the thing that mattered the most from me. That kind of puts things into perspective. It's caring enough to begin with that can be hard for me.

If I said I have cPTSD and I have memories that can cause so much emotional distress that I can barely function at times. It would seem 'yes' is the obvious answer, please erase. But then some of the memories are of my wife. I'd rather live with it than erase a fragment of her memory.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve buried all the trauma already, Meli

This

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

Oh fuck yeah, gimme the memory zapper!

LvM

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By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

That time I saw my Gran naked

I would erase that image from my mind if I could... but I can't and it's there forever

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By *eliciousDiva69Woman
over a year ago

Schitts Creek

There are many things I’ve erased from my memory, some good but mostly bad. There are things that I wished I could erase which I can’t though, but I think sometimes you have to process and work through events in order to move forwards.

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

I'm just a fucked up girl looking for my own peace of mind. My favourite movie

And yes, I would happily erase many people. Mostly ex friends rather than lovers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be honest I've blanked out quite a few aspects of my life as a coping mechanism. It sometimes comes back to bite me but it was the only way for me it seems

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I would erase how I felt when I became very physically and mentally ill in my 30s.

The fear of it happening again controls my life still.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I'd like to remember more of the happier times I've had.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Erasing stuff or people from my life? While my first thought would be absolutely but actually, no I wouldn't because without those people or that stuff I wouldn't be the person I am today.

Danish x

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I'd erase most of my childhood, the whole of 2009-2011 and some random bits following.

Life can be shitty.

Mrs

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I can't remember most of my childhood anyway, so I suspect my brain has already done this handy thing for me!

I can understand that, the sort of acknowledgement it taught you a lot but also not wanting to have the negative side effects from it.

I think if I ever had my heart broken I might be cynical but luckily, so far, it's not been.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

I’m forgetful enough as it is, I don’t need to start *deliberately* blanking anything out.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

No not at all, but have accepted things happened. And they have changed me from what I was and where I was heading to be exactly what I am now.

I am at peace with that at least.

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By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

I'd erase nothing as nothing can br erased, all my experiences of life have helped to suspect tge person I am, so why would I want to erase anything. No matter how negative they were or seemed, I learnt from them, so there all postives. It's about perception amd view points

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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago

Sandwich

I had erased the most painful and traumatic moments of my childhood. Unfortunately, although this is a good survival technique as a child, it only leads to more abuse in adult life.

Reliving and releasing those traumatic events has brought me much closer to total inner peace.

I highly recommend Melanie Tonia Evans to anyone struggling with CPTSD.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I’m forgetful enough as it is, I don’t need to start *deliberately* blanking anything out."

This! But to answer the question, no definitely not. I wouldn’t erase anything. Little things like starting smoking, occasionally getting in trouble for doing twatty things etc but nothing major.

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By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"I had erased the most painful and traumatic moments of my childhood. Unfortunately, although this is a good survival technique as a child, it only leads to more abuse in adult life.

Reliving and releasing those traumatic events has brought me much closer to total inner peace.

I highly recommend Melanie Tonia Evans to anyone struggling with CPTSD."

Forgive my ignorance, but how do you erase lifes experiences. In my experience I get acceptance, and by working through them, the feelings don't match the memories, but the memories don't go any where, I just learn to regulate then better.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I’d erase nothing. Every memory is a lesson good or bad. If you delete memories, how will you learn ?

The mr

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

"I had erased the most painful and traumatic moments of my childhood. Unfortunately, although this is a good survival technique as a child, it only leads to more abuse in adult life.

Reliving and releasing those traumatic events has brought me much closer to total inner peace.

I highly recommend Melanie Tonia Evans to anyone struggling with CPTSD.

It's brain's coping mechanism. It makes you forget that these things happened. Until something triggers that memory and it comes right back.

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

"I had erased the most painful and traumatic moments of my childhood. Unfortunately, although this is a good survival technique as a child, it only leads to more abuse in adult life.

Reliving and releasing those traumatic events has brought me much closer to total inner peace.

I highly recommend Melanie Tonia Evans to anyone struggling with CPTSD."

I am really happy for you. I got there too it was similar for me, relatable.

And then my wife died, it all came back and my cPTSD is now 'untreatable'. I've got it down to as good as it gets.

I never give up hope, I will take a look at her work. Thank you.

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

"I had erased the most painful and traumatic moments of my childhood. Unfortunately, although this is a good survival technique as a child, it only leads to more abuse in adult life.

Reliving and releasing those traumatic events has brought me much closer to total inner peace.

I highly recommend Melanie Tonia Evans to anyone struggling with CPTSD.

Bessel van der Kolk is very prominent researcher in trauma and covers memory. There's different ways trauma effects memory. Repression is more common with childhood memories. It can work the other way too and the re-experiecing increases emotional impact of the memory over time.

If you take a look up -window of tolerance ptsd- online it'll give you a very quick understanding of how emotional regulation can be close to impossible when triggered. You are in survival mode, as if the event was occurring now. It would be like using a grounding technique whilst stood in the middle of a house fire.

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By *ittle Miss TinkerbellWoman
over a year ago

your head

There are definitely people and memories I'd erase of I could. Not all the bad stuff but the real shit, yes. Bollocks to it making me who I am or making me a stronger person, when you're own mind terrifies you out of the blue, you do not feel strong. If I could get rid of that, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

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By *uke_silverMan
over a year ago

London

"I recently rewatched a favourite film of mine - gold star if you recognise the quote.

When it comes to your life, if yoi had the option to, would you erase core memories? Or people?

Have you made peace with your life or are their spots you'd erase to bring you that peace? "

I'd erase memories, but not people. Most of the memories I want to erase don't even involve other people, they were fully my mistakes. Even those that do, I want to erase particular moments, not entire histories.

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By *ovetolick78Man
over a year ago

The Shire

I thought it was blessed are the cheese makers.

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By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

To be forgotten is to die so id hate to lose my memory thats how i keep people alive

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By *illagazMan
over a year ago

yeovil

"There are certain parts of my life I wish I could delete from memory but then when I remuinate over them I realise that I need the memories in order that I can learn from how I was. "

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"I thought it was blessed are the cheese makers.

I was just thinking it reminded me of the life of Brian.

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

"[Memories removed by poster at 20/09/23 09:22:01]"

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

It's tough. I immediately thought "yes!", but as others have said, I guess those events/people led me here, and I'm pretty happy with my lot, and there's no guarantee that any other path would have been better...

For sure, for example, I often wonder what life might have been like if I'd made different choices (there's one particular big one) or if things out of my control didn't happen, but I know I can't change those so it feels a waste of energy to think about them too much.

I would though like to erase small memories - e.g. those times people criticised you which stick with you, even when they shouldn't...that would be nice.

(P.s. I had to Google the film quote. I really didn't like ESOTSM, so I'll have to give it another go. But core memory reminded me of Inside Out, which loved, and is probably more my level!

)

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

Sorry, there was no example - that was a work in progress. Couldn't be bothered to edit and repost!

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By *mber81Woman
over a year ago

Lives in Preston, Eng

My mind is far from spotless and if it was eternally sunny I would get bored and start craving the rain.

Some memories have faded and I am certain there are many I have forgotten but I definitely wouldn't choose to erase anything or anyone.

There are many memories that I wish I had faced and dealt with earlier than I did but I got there eventually.

Thank you therapist.

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

I don’t think I’ve deliberately erased anything although I do allow myself to not consider them anymore. I may not have forgiven a lot of it either but I don’t let the shit define me. I probably don’t even always learn from it. But I own me and my reactions to trauma and I’d rather it just not figure in my head. Anything that’s framed who I am today is just who I am today and I don’t hold anyone or any event responsible for that other than me.

Of course I could be completely wrong and I’m lying to myself all along.

V x

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