FabSwingers.com forum: Victim Blaming

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

When is it Ok?

Is it ever OK?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never ok. Ew.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *agerMorganMan
over a year ago

Canvey Island

Absolutely never ok.

And lately some of the comments regarding Brand are exactly victim blaming.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Absolutely never ok.

And lately some of the comments regarding Brand are exactly victim blaming. "

Everytime anything to do with VAWG comes up on here there’s victim blaming

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

VAWG?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *agerMorganMan
over a year ago

Canvey Island

"VAWG? "

Violence Against Women & Girls.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"VAWG? "

Violence against women and girls

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *agerMorganMan
over a year ago

Canvey Island

"Absolutely never ok.

And lately some of the comments regarding Brand are exactly victim blaming.

Everytime anything to do with VAWG comes up on here there’s victim blaming

It’s bloody terrifying, for a scene built on trust and respect, it’s like the moment something bad happens it’s “let’s blame the victim! They must be asking for it” or “why didn’t they report it earlier!?”

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never ok

Although I do often see it confused with just advice on how to look after yourself.

I tell my girl to never walk home alone. Call me I’ll always pick her up. Some think that’s victim blaming, I just want her to be safe

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

"When is it Ok?

Is it ever OK? "

It's not ok if the victim is genuine.

Problem is too many people like to play the victim blurring the lines between truth and lies.

But what do you class as victim shaming?

Isn't it right to question someone if they claim to be a victim to ensure that it doesn't happen again or they themselves realise whilst a victim their actions could've contributed to becoming a victim?

Surely educating someone isn't shaming. Before people jump on me I am not saying that all victims should be cross examined and blamed I'm just saying that if I where to leave my back door open and a burglar enters my house I then become a victim.

If the police or insurance company question me and ask did I lock my doors and I say no they would advise me to lock them in future, lesson learned.

It's hardly shaming me.

If we are talking about a serious crime then it's far more complicated and I would leave it to the professionals to question and offer the required support.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Reason to doubt, and questioning somebody's claims is not victim blaming. No matter how many people want to believe and claim that it is.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

It's never ok, but it's understandable that people will rightly wonder and raise questions whenever the types of issues this thread is about occur..

Especially when once again only part of the story is out there..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When is it Ok?

Is it ever OK? "

Fuck no!!! They’re a victim.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Its not ok to blame the victim of a crime for the crime. Only the criminal is responsible for their actions.

It is ok to offer advice to people to help prevent crimes happening. This can be offered before or after the event.

I hope we prepared our kids for the world they live in not the utopian paradise we wished for. We behave in accordance with the world we live in too.

I'm very well aware that there are situations that cannot ever be prepared for, advised against or prevented. In those cases people ought to keep their mouths firmly closed unless it's to support people.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Its not ok to blame the victim of a crime for the crime. Only the criminal is responsible for their actions.

It is ok to offer advice to people to help prevent crimes happening. This can be offered before or after the event.

I hope we prepared our kids for the world they live in not the utopian paradise we wished for. We behave in accordance with the world we live in too.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

The simple answer is never of course.

Is it ever ok?

There are some circumstances where someone is a victim but it is complex.

For example

Partner A stabs partner B to death because they were being abused by partner B for 20 years.

Is it victim blaming to query whether the actions of B over those 20 years had some contribution to that outcome? Until A stabbed B - A would have been the victim?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

Didn’t you know, in this modern society of ours we are all blameless victims , or at least that’s what most would want you to believe.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Didn’t you know, in this modern society of ours we are all blameless victims , or at least that’s what most would want you to believe. "

Hey if we had to own our shit and take responsibility for our actions how could we claim to be powerless victims of the (insert oppression here).

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At the risk of being excommunicated, victims shouldn’t be blamed, however we do not live in a mob-based vigilante society, so lets wait for the court proceedings before jumping to conclusion.

Two of the latest high profile cases of late were Ched Evans and Johnny Depp (yes neither party in both cases painted themselves in glory)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dislike Piers Morgan but watched his debate with women on gb news last night and he had such a balanced view and controlled the debate so well

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Please don't post experiences of subjects that are not allowed on the forum please

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Never.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"The simple answer is never of course.

Is it ever ok?

There are some circumstances where someone is a victim but it is complex.

For example

Partner A stabs partner B to death because they were being abused by partner B for 20 years.

Is it victim blaming to query whether the actions of B over those 20 years had some contribution to that outcome? Until A stabbed B - A would have been the victim?"

Exactly this. There can be so many similar scenarios to this so I can’t categorically say no never to this question.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *imisugarWoman
over a year ago

Rugby

"When is it Ok?

Is it ever OK? "

Never ok. Happens too frequently.

If we held perpetrators to the same scrutiny as victims, I wonder how much better the world would be.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *imisugarWoman
over a year ago

Rugby

"Never ok

Although I do often see it confused with just advice on how to look after yourself.

I tell my girl to never walk home alone. Call me I’ll always pick her up. Some think that’s victim blaming, I just want her to be safe "

I don't see that a victim blaming.

You are acknowledging she isn't safe because of others in the vicinity that may cause her harm.

I wish more conversations were had about those that do harm than those that expose themselves to potential risk.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

It’s not ok!

But it’s ok to ask questions in a non patronising manner

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

This might be on the wrong track.

Can victim blaming be mistaken, for telling a person you are partly to blame for something.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

"The simple answer is never of course.

Is it ever ok?

There are some circumstances where someone is a victim but it is complex.

For example

Partner A stabs partner B to death because they were being abused by partner B for 20 years.

Is it victim blaming to query whether the actions of B over those 20 years had some contribution to that outcome? Until A stabbed B - A would have been the victim?

Exactly this. There can be so many similar scenarios to this so I can’t categorically say no never to this question. "

I quite understand the aversion. And some scenarios are even more nuanced and/or contentious.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When is it Ok?

Is it ever OK? "

nope, never, totally wrong...

it's her own fault she was asking for it by wearing that outfit.... was she? really?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When is it Ok?

Is it ever OK?

It's not ok if the victim is genuine.

Problem is too many people like to play the victim blurring the lines between truth and lies.

But what do you class as victim shaming?

If the police or insurance company question me and ask did I lock my doors and I say no they would advise me to lock them in future, lesson learned.

It's hardly shaming me.

If we are talking about a serious crime then it's far more complicated and I would leave it to the professionals to question and offer the required support."

several holes in this statement that I feel come from a position of assumption rather than fact or experience.. not going to get into them but it is thinking like this that prevents victims/survivors (survivors, where relevant, dont like to be called victims) coming forward forward..

just saying

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

I think to say ‘never’ is bit ignorant

for example:

If someone is bitten by a dog is it victim blaming to ask:

- what do you think caused the attack?

- did you provoke the dog?

- Were you trespassing & the guard dog attacked you?

- could you have done anything to prevent the attack?

These are just a few examples. To just say never is to imply no investigation is required as to what led to this scenario. How can we learn & prevent this from happening again if we don’t ask questions?

When Johnny Depp took Amber Heard to court they called it “victim blaming”

funny how that turned out ayy!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Blaming is not on. But I do think we should question things, without fear of being told to shut up. I've been a victim and people have asked questions, and yes it's bloody tough, yes it feels like they're blaming you and yes it's absolutely horrific. But it's also led to a better understanding of what happened, which means they could help me better. And in all honesty it needed speaking about, because it made me understand what had happened, which has resulted in a better resolution for me. Blaming is wrong, questioningly is ok, though they often feel very similar to the victim.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

"Blaming is not on. But I do think we should question things, without fear of being told to shut up. I've been a victim and people have asked questions, and yes it's bloody tough, yes it feels like they're blaming you and yes it's absolutely horrific. But it's also led to a better understanding of what happened, which means they could help me better. And in all honesty it needed speaking about, because it made me understand what had happened, which has resulted in a better resolution for me. Blaming is wrong, questioningly is ok, though they often feel very similar to the victim. "

Well said

hope you managing well in your recovery

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *entlemanPMan
over a year ago

Grantham

Every victim needs to be treated with care and compassion. However the best account and evidence will come from one place... The victim. Therefore they will be questioned for that reason. Sometimes during that questioning it may arise that the "victim" isn't genuine and are in fact an attention seeking lying toad. These people undermine genuine victims. The hard part is separating the two. Life is never black and white... There's a while area of grey between. If only life was as simple as some perceive it. But in short, the default is always take the victim seriously until proven otherwise surely?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

The problem starts with calling everyone that makes an accusation a victim and everyone who has been accused a pervert or beast or similar.

It then continues with the shouters and pointers and lovers of cliche ..... if you present a perfectly logical, reasonable and evidence based perspective they scream ..... Victim Blamer !

They just love that view from their moral high ground.

In answer to the Q ....... No. NEVER , it is NEVER okay to victim blame.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *entlemanPMan
over a year ago

Grantham

Correct

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread