FabSwingers.com forum: Mental load

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Are you the one who takes care of all the organising, birthday gift buying, holiday booking etc etc?

Are you good at it or do you just want to scream?

If you're good, share your secrets please

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

I'm fucking terrible at it.

Luckily my favourite person likes taking care of such things

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

My job is planning, so I love it. Just keep calm, proceed logically and make sure you get everyone's money if booking a group before you go

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By *oecutterMan
over a year ago

Clonakilty

"Are you the one who takes care of all the organising, birthday gift buying, holiday booking etc etc?

Are you good at it or do you just want to scream?

If you're good, share your secrets please

Yes, no, and Google Calendar is your friend.

It also helps to have an almost eidetic memory and meticulous attention to detail

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm fucking terrible at it.

Luckily my favourite person likes taking care of such things

I see! So your secret is delegation. I don't think I can delegate to a 15 year old.

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By *unchalMan
over a year ago

Dartford

"Are you the one who takes care of all the organising, birthday gift buying, holiday booking etc etc?

Are you good at it or do you just want to scream?

If you're good, share your secrets please

I am. I had enough and suddenly I find no one offers anything. Brings tears to my eyes...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My job is planning, so I love it. Just keep calm, proceed logically and make sure you get everyone's money if booking a group before you go

What if you're neither calm nor logical? Asking for a friend

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Are you the one who takes care of all the organising, birthday gift buying, holiday booking etc etc?

Are you good at it or do you just want to scream?

If you're good, share your secrets please

Yes, no, and Google Calendar is your friend.

It also helps to have an almost eidetic memory and meticulous attention to detail

Rats. I've just got Google Calendar. And a paper diary. And some post-it notes.

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By *cunnylassCouple
over a year ago

Exeter

I do the holiday stuff and Mandy does the birthday stuff.No need for screaming here!

Mike

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

"My job is planning, so I love it. Just keep calm, proceed logically and make sure you get everyone's money if booking a group before you go

What if you're neither calm nor logical? Asking for a friend "

Get someone else to do it

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

In my previous relationships, yes. I’m pretty organised so it’s quite natural to me.

My tips - list apps so e.g. holiday packing lists are always recorded to be reused. Decent planner. Repeating events in shared calendars. Getting into the habit of using all the above…

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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago

Nottingham

I'm fine at it because I have to be. Ain't no one else planning holidays, days out, parties, childcare, clubs, gifts, shopping. Although I find it easier being a single parent than the stress of being a co parent with someone I don't like.

I tend to put things off until I can't anymore and just make myself sit down and do it!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Are you the one who takes care of all the organising, birthday gift buying, holiday booking etc etc?

Are you good at it or do you just want to scream?

If you're good, share your secrets please

I am. I had enough and suddenly I find no one offers anything. Brings tears to my eyes..."

There's only one thing to do...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I do the holiday stuff and Mandy does the birthday stuff.No need for screaming here!

Mike"

Not jealous

Even when I had a partner he didn't do any of it though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do it by being rubbish at the emotional side instead

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yea and I'm good at it, simple organisation skills.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Yes just like everything in the household! As there is only me to do such things x

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By *unchalMan
over a year ago

Dartford

"Are you the one who takes care of all the organising, birthday gift buying, holiday booking etc etc?

Are you good at it or do you just want to scream?

If you're good, share your secrets please

I am. I had enough and suddenly I find no one offers anything. Brings tears to my eyes...

There's only one thing to do..."

I am assuming you don't mean break don't in tears! I've decided to do nothing and wait for the invites. They are few and far between. The only thing is that I love feeding people and hosting!

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I think I'm quite good at it. I've always been the organiser, whether that's in relationships (platonic or otherwise), at work.

I get really excited, start making lists and doing comparisons to ensure it's the best possible. Then I'll check things off in my planner, double check people are happy.

Being organised is important; details, even the minor ones should be accounted for. And scheduling in time for spontaneity, planned spontaneity is the best.

Sometimes I've wanted to scream before because it can become almost expected? Like if I don't do it, it won't materialise. I think that's why I quite like someone in my life - he'd be affronted if I even suggested planning our dates.

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By *unchalMan
over a year ago

Dartford

"I do it by being rubbish at the emotional side instead "

That is what men are for. So women feel good about themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In a totally man bashing fashion....I had to be good at it.

Doesn't mean I didn't want to scream though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I leave it to my Apple iPhone calendar

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't have any option but to do it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My job is planning, so I love it. Just keep calm, proceed logically and make sure you get everyone's money if booking a group before you go

What if you're neither calm nor logical? Asking for a friend

Get someone else to do it

Damn!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"In my previous relationships, yes. I’m pretty organised so it’s quite natural to me.

My tips - list apps so e.g. holiday packing lists are always recorded to be reused. Decent planner. Repeating events in shared calendars. Getting into the habit of using all the above… "

I was very good at it all for a long time. Despite four young kids, working, self-employed partner, big family all of that. And then menopause hit. And realising I may have ADHD. It's got a lot harder.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

"My job is planning, so I love it. Just keep calm, proceed logically and make sure you get everyone's money if booking a group before you go

What if you're neither calm nor logical? Asking for a friend

Get someone else to do it

Damn! "

Go somewhere quiet. Write everything down. Ask for help. Don't let the task overwhelm you. If it is, stop, and. Ome back to it later

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I leave it to my Apple iPhone calendar

It does ALL of it? I have an iPhone. It clearly needs setting up right!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes. I use a paper calendar in the kitchen to put everyone’s movements on so no one has any excuses

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By *uke_silverMan
over a year ago

London

Mental load is the right term for this, lol - I do it when it's just me but am happy to defer to someone more excited about these things than me if it's with others or split the workload if they aren't haha.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

A simple to do list and notes on a visible calendar

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I leave it to my Apple iPhone calendar

It does ALL of it? I have an iPhone. It clearly needs setting up right! "

The notes in IPhone is my best friend. I just make very long to do lists and tick it off as I go along.

I work as a PM and I’ve trained lots of graduates - top tips: schedule time in your diary to actually plan and do things (block the time out!); have 3 to do lists - a short list of things you MUST do today before you go to bed (so you can focus on priorities), a long to do list with everything on (so it’s not in your head driving you crazy) and a ‘on a rainy day’ to do list I.e all the stuff you want to do but will do when you get time. Delegate some of it - even to a 15 year old. Send a voice note with instructions so he or she can listen to it again and again if needed

Hope that helps! I’m a single mum too and often feel overwhelmed with all the stuff we juggle, so sending hugs xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I leave it to my Apple iPhone calendar

It does ALL of it? I have an iPhone. It clearly needs setting up right! "

I was once on face book. And it pulled everyone’s birthdays from there somehow.

Even people I no longer fucking talk to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m awful at it, so I just don’t do it.

Gift buying……..sod that

Holidays…….can’t afford that

Anything school related goes on a month planner white board. That’s about as organised as I get.

I do set reminders for my motoring obligations…..insurance, MOT, Tax renewal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I make lists, plan ahead, buy extra presents to keep around in case of accidental forgotten birthday, or last minute party I forgot I’d RSVP’d to.

Use one diary for all rather than multiple diaries, and send everything to that diary both personal, and work related as an invite.

I practically live six weeks at a time in terms of planning life events, happenings, meetings, travelling, appointments, holidays, etc. At any one time I’m looking ahead six weeks but conscious of other events forthcoming beyond that. Just not letting those things beyond six weeks from now, overwhelm me.

I start buying Christmas presents in the early autumn and finish it all by late October.

I book holidays by quarter. In Q1 I’m only concerned with any holidays I may go on in Q2, and so on.

When it all becomes too mad, hiring a PA is also helpful if you can do.

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By *oecutterMan
over a year ago

Clonakilty

It also helps to have an almost eidetic memory and meticulous attention to detail

Rats. I've just got Google Calendar. And a paper diary. And some post-it notes.

Alas, I was born with the rest.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"In my previous relationships, yes. I’m pretty organised so it’s quite natural to me.

My tips - list apps so e.g. holiday packing lists are always recorded to be reused. Decent planner. Repeating events in shared calendars. Getting into the habit of using all the above… "

I had an awesome list app but I now find I need it all in one place or I won't manage it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It also helps to have an almost eidetic memory and meticulous attention to detail

Rats. I've just got Google Calendar. And a paper diary. And some post-it notes.

Alas, I was born with the rest. "

Stealth boasts not allowed!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I leave it to my Apple iPhone calendar

It does ALL of it? I have an iPhone. It clearly needs setting up right!

I was once on face book. And it pulled everyone’s birthdays from there somehow.

Even people I no longer fucking talk to.

Oh yeah. I did that too once but half my face book friends aren't actually friends. Don't really use it anymore.

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

"In my previous relationships, yes. I’m pretty organised so it’s quite natural to me.

My tips - list apps so e.g. holiday packing lists are always recorded to be reused. Decent planner. Repeating events in shared calendars. Getting into the habit of using all the above…

I had an awesome list app but I now find I need it all in one place or I won't manage it"

If you work well with paper I can highly recommend the hobonichi planners.

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

I am fucking awful at it.

I am livid with my partner for dying and leaving me to deal with orgnaising everything.

I have nothing to offer but empathy on this one, no practical solutions. I will be looking for some from other though.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I think most people who've replied seem to find it really easy to break tasks down into sub-tasks which requires good executive function. (I have terrible executive function which is partly why I suspect I have ADHD.)

An example:

My twins are having a birthday soon. I bought one present today. That's it. I have a list from one child. The other - nothing. I have to think of things for the other one and share them with my family. Who are all last minute people and rely on me.

I haven't thought about the day because..I haven't. Usually cake and special dinner then at the weekend separate activities which I haven't organised but agreed to.

The number of separate tasks to achieve all of that is ...a lot. I will do it all, I always do. But it's so stressful to figure out the sub-tasks, in what order and calendar them. That's what executive function is.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I am fucking awful at it.

I am livid with my partner for dying and leaving me to deal with orgnaising everything.

I have nothing to offer but empathy on this one, no practical solutions. I will be looking for some from other though."

Oh Hans

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

I'm terrible at organising anything...

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I have a compartmentalised logical brain, so planning comes naturally to me, events are booked up months in advance on my family calender and sexy stuff is booked up months in advance on my phone calendar

I work hard and play hard, so if I didn't write it down, I'd be a complete hot mess

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

"I think most people who've replied seem to find it really easy to break tasks down into sub-tasks which requires good executive function. (I have terrible executive function which is partly why I suspect I have ADHD.)

An example:

I haven't thought about the day because..I haven't. Usually cake and special dinner then at the weekend separate activities which I haven't organised but agreed to.

That sounds like me with the ADHD. Reading your description of executive function made me stomach churn; I had to lie down for a minute and get my head together. I have no idea how I get through that stuff.

Organisation and fun are mutually exclusive concepts for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An example:

I haven't thought about the day because..I haven't. Usually cake and special dinner then at the weekend separate activities which I haven't organised but agreed to.

When you've done this can you save the list of tasks/ info for the future? Like a draft to do list.

May make it easier to follow something you've done before and just tweak it each time?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have a compartmentalised logical brain, so planning comes naturally to me, events are booked up months in advance on my family calender and sexy stuff is booked up months in advance on my phone calendar

I work hard and play hard, so if I didn't write it down, I'd be a complete hot mess

I've spent years looking at people like you and wondering why I can't do it! It sounds wonderful. I think it's because my brain just finds some things harder.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

"In my previous relationships, yes. I’m pretty organised so it’s quite natural to me.

My tips - list apps so e.g. holiday packing lists are always recorded to be reused. Decent planner. Repeating events in shared calendars. Getting into the habit of using all the above…

If you were good at it before why do you think suspected adhd is impacting it now?

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By *ittle Miss TinkerbellWoman
over a year ago

your head

Yes and I always want to scream

I do it and I do my best but I drop the ball sometimes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Planning

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

An example:

I haven't thought about the day because..I haven't. Usually cake and special dinner then at the weekend separate activities which I haven't organised but agreed to.

When you've done this can you save the list of tasks/ info for the future? Like a draft to do list.

May make it easier to follow something you've done before and just tweak it each time? "

I actually did do this. Could never find the list the next year.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Planning

Yep. I think this is the secret! Or an eidetic memory.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I make lists, plan ahead, buy extra presents to keep around in case of accidental forgotten birthday, or last minute party I forgot I’d RSVP’d to.

Use one diary for all rather than multiple diaries, and send everything to that diary both personal, and work related as an invite.

I start buying Christmas presents in the early autumn and finish it all by late October.

I book holidays by quarter. In Q1 I’m only concerned with any holidays I may go on in Q2, and so on.

When it all becomes too mad, hiring a PA is also helpful if you can do. "

Bowing down to this pinnacle of successful life admin

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

An example:

I haven't thought about the day because..I haven't. Usually cake and special dinner then at the weekend separate activities which I haven't organised but agreed to.

Organisation and fun are mutually exclusive concepts for me. "

It's never ever going to be FUN urgh!

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