FabSwingers.com forum: Spicing up our sex life advise

By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

So, I have asked my wife about spicing up our sex life as I am finding it quite boring at the moment.

So by boring I mean my wifes idea of sex is getting in to bed and start kissing.

I would like to introduce things like giving/receiving a massage, for her to wear some sexy lingerie now and again. Use some sex toys etc.

So nothing outlandish. My wifes response was to go mad at me, flatly refuse and she won't discuss it?

Any ideas?

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By *ornynorfolkguyMan
over a year ago

North Norfolk

Maybe you should tell her you’re on here!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A good start is sensory deprivation. A nice silk blindfold and then take your time to explore every inch of her body. Sometimes life makes us forget the simple pleasures and sensations and sex becomes another job to be done. Start softly and wake her inner sex kitten! From there it's onto mild restraint, tie and tease and once she feels comfortable then you can suggest a little role reversal. Some things take time but are well worth the effort.

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By *nitterWoman
over a year ago

the land of tall tales and yarn

"A good start is sensory deprivation. A nice silk blindfold and then take your time to explore every inch of her body. Sometimes life makes us forget the simple pleasures and sensations and sex becomes another job to be done. Start softly and wake her inner sex kitten! From there it's onto mild restraint, tie and tease and once she feels comfortable then you can suggest a little role reversal. Some things take time but are well worth the effort."

^^ this is great advice OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maybe you should tell her you’re on here!"

I’m sure that’ll calm her right down. Great advice

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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

Maybe try role play with costumes, I love that sort of stuff. Or could have a porn playing & you reenact the scenes yourselves

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By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

I have tried that once. I would say that she enjoyed it a lot but then she isn't keen on trying it again!

Very confusing signals

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By *hatsWhatCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

I think you are a few steps away from trying anything new.

The big C word is required here I sense - Conversation!

What is it your wife is looking for? What does she feel? Do she think there is a problem?

Gotta lay your feelings out as well.

Or yeah, tell your on here, blindfold her and use all manner of sensory aids, that’ll warm her up

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By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

If I ask her to wear some sexy lingerie her response is whats the point I only take it off anyway!

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By *idlandsmale2022Man
over a year ago

walsall

"If I ask her to wear some sexy lingerie her response is whats the point I only take it off anyway!"

Tell her she looks very sexy when she wares it and it's a turn on more for you to see her in some nice lingerie.

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By *idlandsmale2022Man
over a year ago

walsall

"If I ask her to wear some sexy lingerie her response is whats the point I only take it off anyway!

Tell her she looks very sexy when she wares it and it's a turn on more for you to see her in some nice lingerie. "

Conversation is key tbh

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

" my wifes idea of sex is getting in to bed and start kissing."

This is actually a really good start! The best person to speak to is your Wife, explain you'd like to try different things. Also ask her if she'd like to try different things, she may also be bored. Work on it together, we're only hearing one side of a story here. Oh... and variety is the spice of life.

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"So, I have asked my wife about spicing up our sex life as I am finding it quite boring at the moment.

So by boring I mean my wifes idea of sex is getting in to bed and start kissing.

I would like to introduce things like giving/receiving a massage, for her to wear some sexy lingerie now and again. Use some sex toys etc.

So nothing outlandish. My wifes response was to go mad at me, flatly refuse and she won't discuss it?

Any ideas?"

From the way your talking I've feeling you won't be even getting the kisses.

If you told her things are boring .senual massage and simple stroking batheing together drying each other.is a good start. Think you need to get stuff done around the house and earn back some brownie points.

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By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

Its getting her to wear it thats the issue!

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By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

There is nothing to do in the house apart from our bedroom which is next.

I bought her flowers every week for two years, I help around the house, I've spoiled her rotten I've tried all sorts.

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By *archelCouple
over a year ago

A field somewhere

Make her actually feel wanted outside the bedroom first. Do you help with domestic stuff? Are you affectionate without wanting sex? Or do you just show affection when you want a shag? Nothing worse for a woman living with a grown ass man child, kills the libido no end.

A conversation is needed with her, and you need to listen to what she's saying...there's always a reason for a woman going off boil. Do you go on date nights together? Sounds to me like you need to look at all aspects of your life together.

Mrs

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Ask her what turns her on.

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By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

The other side to the story is I do go into my shell and suffer in my own silence which she then says turns her off!

It does get me down a lot as in every other aspect of our lives together we are almost perfect!

I need to get her to open up and talk about it but she won't and I can't figure out why?

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"There is nothing to do in the house apart from our bedroom which is next.

I bought her flowers every week for two years, I help around the house, I've spoiled her rotten I've tried all sorts.

Fair enough but its all about what she needs no what you do .

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"The other side to the story is I do go into my shell and suffer in my own silence which she then says turns her off!

It does get me down a lot as in every other aspect of our lives together we are almost perfect!

I need to get her to open up and talk about it but she won't and I can't figure out why?"

Do you think lingerie and toys will turn her on, or are they just for your benefit?

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

It may be that she doesn't feel comfortable dressed in sexy clothing.

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By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

So domestic stuff, I help with most things. She cooks, I clean up and wash up. I put the washing on (put it in the machine)

I hang the washing out, I do the garden.

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By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

It could be

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By *orny-DJMan
over a year ago

Leigh-on-Sea

Does she know you've been cheating on her for at least the past 7 years?

Maybe she has her suspicions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I mean she isn't wrong about the lingerie is she? Your wife, by the sounds of it just likes sex like probably a large portion of the public, without all the bells and whistles, she sounds old school.

You need to have a conversation with her above anything else and the go from there.

Danish x

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

A good sex life starts with trust OP.

I suspect that part of her knows that something is wrong and that will play a huge part.

Fundamentals first before even trying to 'spice things up'.

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By *archelCouple
over a year ago

A field somewhere

"Does she know you've been cheating on her for at least the past 7 years?

Maybe she has her suspicions.

This!!

Probably thinks why should I bother when he's out banging others anyway. Or maybe she's getting her own fun time with his best mate lol

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By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

Yes it would turn me on, It all would turn me on.

Thats where the issue is. So if we made love 10 times over a period of time. We would get into bed naked and start kissing 8 of those times. The other two we would get into bed naked and watch some porn.

I would like something a little bit different some of the time.

Thats my issue. She says she is happy with that so where do we compromise?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The other side to the story is I do go into my shell and suffer in my own silence which she then says turns her off!

It does get me down a lot as in every other aspect of our lives together we are almost perfect!

I need to get her to open up and talk about it but she won't and I can't figure out why?"

Does she know you are on here?

Has she ever liked sex with you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes it would turn me on, It all would turn me on.

I would like something a little bit different some of the time.

Thats my issue. She says she is happy with that so where do we compromise?"

Like a poster said above, maybe she has her suspicions about your other life away from her (speaking from experience being there person who had an affair, the other half generally had an idea, no matter how well you cover your tracks) so she maybe feeling like why bother?

Even though we are on here, doughnut sometimes gets the hump with me as I never really make the first move when it comes to sex with each other, very rarely dress up for him unless going to a club, which obviously I feel bad about about it but the way I see it, we have our swinging life and "normal life", maybe I'm a bit weird but maybe your wife just wants normal and not toys r us coupled with ann summers entering the bedroom?

Danish x

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"The other side to the story is I do go into my shell and suffer in my own silence which she then says turns her off!

It does get me down a lot as in every other aspect of our lives together we are almost perfect!

I need to get her to open up and talk about it but she won't and I can't figure out why?"

It's a difficult one, I mean if she told you you were boring in bed you'd maybe feel a little put out.

A proper conversation is needed, what does she want, what does she feel could make things better, does she have any fantasies?

Mrs

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By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

No she doesn't. She says she really enjoys sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So, I have asked my wife about spicing up our sex life as I am finding it quite boring at the moment.

So by boring I mean my wifes idea of sex is getting in to bed and start kissing.

I would like to introduce things like giving/receiving a massage, for her to wear some sexy lingerie now and again. Use some sex toys etc.

So nothing outlandish. My wifes response was to go mad at me, flatly refuse and she won't discuss it?

Any ideas?"

You need to talk to her op..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I ask her to wear some sexy lingerie her response is whats the point I only take it off anyway!"

Compliments op

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By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

I've tried very carefully not to say she isn't boring in bed.

If you had beans on toast every Friday, maybe once in a while you would put some Worcestershire sauce on it to spice it up?

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By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

I would love to given the chance

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By *ormalfornorfolkMan
over a year ago

Norwich

Have you tried dressing as Batman?

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By *orny-DJMan
over a year ago

Leigh-on-Sea

"I've tried very carefully not to say she isn't boring in bed.

If you had beans on toast every Friday, maybe once in a while you would put some Worcestershire sauce on it to spice it up? "

Not necessarily - and that's the point.

Some people might like beans on toast exactly the way they have it.

Some might try varying things a little, only to find that they prefer it the way they've been having it.

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By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

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By *ormalfornorfolkMan
over a year ago

Norwich

Sorry that was glib. Not an easy issue to address. In my experience you can talk about things a lot and never reach a solution that satisfies you both, in which case you’ve expended a lot of effort for nothing, but you can’t know the outcome in advance. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices and in your case that might be accepting a sex life that you find uninteresting.

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By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

Very true, but as a couple surely there must be a compromise with making love?

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By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

That is my argument for compromise. If I sacrifice and have an uninteresting sex life, what does my wife sacrifice?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That is my argument for compromise. If I sacrifice and have an uninteresting sex life, what does my wife sacrifice?"

Pressing quote and reply button when responding to certain people helps enormously for us to us to identify who you are replying too x

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By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

"That is my argument for compromise. If I sacrifice and have an uninteresting sex life, what does my wife sacrifice?

Pressing quote and reply button when responding to certain people helps enormously for us to us to identify who you are replying too x"

Got it, sorry

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By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

"Sorry that was glib. Not an easy issue to address. In my experience you can talk about things a lot and never reach a solution that satisfies you both, in which case you’ve expended a lot of effort for nothing, but you can’t know the outcome in advance. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices and in your case that might be accepting a sex life that you find uninteresting."

That is my argument for compromise. If I sacrifice and have an uninteresting sex life, what does my wife sacrifice?

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

You might need some marriage counselling to improve both of your communication. This shouldn't be that hard of a conversation to have with your life partner.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

You clearly need to have the conversation, and if she won't have it then you need to decide what course to take.

If you having more "interesting" sex is that important to you and it isn't to her, it may be that you need to have a long and hard think about what your priorities are for the rest of your life.

If the rest of your life together is perfect, is it really that big of a deal or are you just focusing on what you see as lacking?

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By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

"You might need some marriage counselling to improve both of your communication. This shouldn't be that hard of a conversation to have with your life partner."

I agree, thats what is confusing. Why is it so hard to talk about?

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By *lynJMan
over a year ago

Morden

"If I ask her to wear some sexy lingerie her response is whats the point I only take it off anyway!

Tell her she looks very sexy when she wares it and it's a turn on more for you to see her in some nice lingerie. "

Perhaps ask her to wear it all day rather than preparing for sex.

My partner and I used to have stocking days so we could tease each.

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By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

"If I ask her to wear some sexy lingerie her response is whats the point I only take it off anyway!

Tell her she looks very sexy when she wares it and it's a turn on more for you to see her in some nice lingerie.

Perhaps ask her to wear it all day rather than preparing for sex.

My partner and I used to have stocking days so we could tease each.

Teasing, sexting thats on a different level. Need to talk first

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By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

"You clearly need to have the conversation, and if she won't have it then you need to decide what course to take.

If you having more "interesting" sex is that important to you and it isn't to her, it may be that you need to have a long and hard think about what your priorities are for the rest of your life.

If the rest of your life together is perfect, is it really that big of a deal or are you just focusing on what you see as lacking?"

I'm not sure, am I asking too much? She has admitted she is selfish. To me it is a small tweak thats needed

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

"That is my argument for compromise. If I sacrifice and have an uninteresting sex life, what does my wife sacrifice?"

Her sacrifice is your lack of fidelity. As you are on here you're not fully immersed in your relationship.

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By *lynJMan
over a year ago

Morden

"If I ask her to wear some sexy lingerie her response is whats the point I only take it off anyway!

Tell her she looks very sexy when she wares it and it's a turn on more for you to see her in some nice lingerie.

Perhaps ask her to wear it all day rather than preparing for sex.

My partner and I used to have stocking days so we could tease each.

Teasing, sexting thats on a different level. Need to talk first"

Do you ever initiate sex anywhere outside the bedroom? I know it's difficult if you have kids.

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By *lutsfunMan
over a year ago

bedford

Maybe you need an affair ?

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By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

"That is my argument for compromise. If I sacrifice and have an uninteresting sex life, what does my wife sacrifice?

Her sacrifice is your lack of fidelity. As you are on here you're not fully immersed in your relationship. "

I find myself here to fulfil something that is missing.

I would suspect alot of people on here are here for the buzz, excitement and thrill that they are craving

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By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

"Maybe you need an affair ? "

Not a chance

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By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

"If I ask her to wear some sexy lingerie her response is whats the point I only take it off anyway!

Tell her she looks very sexy when she wares it and it's a turn on more for you to see her in some nice lingerie.

Perhaps ask her to wear it all day rather than preparing for sex.

My partner and I used to have stocking days so we could tease each.

Teasing, sexting thats on a different level. Need to talk first

Do you ever initiate sex anywhere outside the bedroom? I know it's difficult if you have kids. "

No, that is difficult.

Maybe a night away once every month or two

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"You clearly need to have the conversation, and if she won't have it then you need to decide what course to take.

If you having more "interesting" sex is that important to you and it isn't to her, it may be that you need to have a long and hard think about what your priorities are for the rest of your life.

If the rest of your life together is perfect, is it really that big of a deal or are you just focusing on what you see as lacking?

I'm not sure, am I asking too much? She has admitted she is selfish. To me it is a small tweak thats needed"

But that is you looking at it from your point of view, through your own lense. If you look at it from hers, everything is just fine as it is... better than fine even, so it isnt a small tweak and isnt needed. Only the two of you can decide if you are asking too much.

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

"Maybe you need an affair ?

Not a chance"

You have 2 verifications

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By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

"Maybe you need an affair ?

Not a chance

You have 2 verifications"

Thats not an affair

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By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

"You clearly need to have the conversation, and if she won't have it then you need to decide what course to take.

If you having more "interesting" sex is that important to you and it isn't to her, it may be that you need to have a long and hard think about what your priorities are for the rest of your life.

If the rest of your life together is perfect, is it really that big of a deal or are you just focusing on what you see as lacking?

I'm not sure, am I asking too much? She has admitted she is selfish. To me it is a small tweak thats needed

I like you, very good, honest replies.

I totally get that. On occasion we will start off as we always do but it just doesn't do anything for me and I don't want her thinking she doesn't turn me on.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Talk to her op and ask if she'll let you explore elsewhere ,for the things you don't get from her.

You say she's selfish ,but you are too being on a swinger site and meeting others behind her back.

If she found that out I doubt you'd even get the kissing and sex you find Boring.

Have a frank conversation and explain things to her from your side.If it's that important to you to spice things up ,it's worth an open and honest conversation.

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By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

"Talk to her op and ask if she'll let you explore elsewhere ,for the things you don't get from her.

You say she's selfish ,but you are too being on a swinger site and meeting others behind her back.

If she found that out I doubt you'd even get the kissing and sex you find Boring.

Have a frank conversation and explain things to her from your side.If it's that important to you to spice things up ,it's worth an open and honest conversation."

Maybe getting opinions from other women will help me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No she doesn't. She says she really enjoys sex"

Is this a reply to my questions?

Perhaps she does know you're on here, or fucking around somewhere.

I hated sex with my ex but loved it with other people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So, I have asked my wife about spicing up our sex life as I am finding it quite boring at the moment.

So by boring I mean my wifes idea of sex is getting in to bed and start kissing.

I would like to introduce things like giving/receiving a massage, for her to wear some sexy lingerie now and again. Use some sex toys etc.

So nothing outlandish. My wifes response was to go mad at me, flatly refuse and she won't discuss it?

Any ideas?"

Does she know your here?

Or are you just making up a scenario to get wank material from people??

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By *ormalfornorfolkMan
over a year ago

Norwich

That is my argument for compromise. If I sacrifice and have an uninteresting sex life, what does my wife sacrifice?"

That’s not quite how it works in my view. You have to decide whether the compromise of having an uninteresting sex life but an otherwise happy marriage is what you want. It’s not about trying to balance up the sacrifices you each have to make.

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By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

Wank material??? Get a life!

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By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

That is my argument for compromise. If I sacrifice and have an uninteresting sex life, what does my wife sacrifice?

Fair point

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I like you, very good, honest replies.

I totally get that. On occasion we will start off as we always do but it just doesn't do anything for me and I don't want her thinking she doesn't turn me on.

Thanks. I just say what I think.

If you arent being turned on then you should be honest about that. There are ways to make the point without being cruel, and while she believes that you enjoy whenever you start as you always do, she will not know there is a problem.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

To be honest OP, I don't get why you are so bothered, you have clearly cheated on her...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maybe you need an affair ?

Not a chance

You have 2 verifications

Thats not an affair"

Might not be an affair but the fact you are in here, I assume without her knowledge and have met someone for sex isn't really inkeeping with "staying faithful is it" different if she knows and you just come on here to look and chat but actually meeting someone, while not ongoing, you've already cheated and like I said earlier, she is probably suspicious.

Danish x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So, I have asked my wife about spicing up our sex life as I am finding it quite boring at the moment.

…."

Be careful what you wish for op.

*single male. Once married.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"I've tried very carefully not to say she isn't boring in bed.

If you had beans on toast every Friday, maybe once in a while you would put some Worcestershire sauce on it to spice it up? "

Of course but we do spice things up, we have a chat and go from there just saying be careful how you word it, for us sex isn't the be all and end all, some nights I just give him oral, sometimes him just me, sometimes both just oral, other times he'll wank over my tits/arse/face while I masterbate the sex we probably have the least out of all the other stuff to be honest - but again that comes with conversation.

Mrs

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"That is my argument for compromise. If I sacrifice and have an uninteresting sex life, what does my wife sacrifice?

Her sacrifice is your lack of fidelity. As you are on here you're not fully immersed in your relationship.

I find myself here to fulfil something that is missing.

I would suspect alot of people on here are here for the buzz, excitement and thrill that they are craving "

That's very true and down to you if you think it will fulfill your desires, with no guilt or chance of getting found out.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Maybe her upbringing has something to do with it.

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By *crumdiddlyumptiousMan
over a year ago

Not going to bother with you're on here does she know etc You know why you're here,

If you don't already do it have some "date nights" Go out for a meal have a few drinks when you get home watch a softcore movie in bed, Something that's got a decent storyline with sex scenes, I'm sure there has been loads of forum threads about movies to watch on here.

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By *oecutterMan
over a year ago

Clonakilty

"There is nothing to do in the house apart from our bedroom which is next.

I bought her flowers every week for two years, I help around the house, I've spoiled her rotten I've tried all sorts.

Maybe she finds your attitude of entitlement and desperation off-putting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Eat chilli before going down on each other

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

If my husband the person who supposedly loved me was on a sex site asking advice on our marriage instead of having a adult conversation with me then his sex life would be the least of his worries ..

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials

Have you tried dipping your cock in chilli powder?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Root ginger up the bum.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

Maybe you should spend a bit more time examining why you seem to have an issue enjoying just sex minus bells, whistles or gimmicks, rather than see it as your wife's problem

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By *lynJMan
over a year ago

Morden

"If I ask her to wear some sexy lingerie her response is whats the point I only take it off anyway!

Tell her she looks very sexy when she wares it and it's a turn on more for you to see her in some nice lingerie.

Perhaps ask her to wear it all day rather than preparing for sex.

My partner and I used to have stocking days so we could tease each.

Teasing, sexting thats on a different level. Need to talk first

Do you ever initiate sex anywhere outside the bedroom? I know it's difficult if you have kids.

No, that is difficult.

Maybe a night away once every month or two"

Why is it difficult?

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By *orny-DJMan
over a year ago

Leigh-on-Sea

"If my husband the person who supposedly loved me was on a sex site asking advice on our marriage instead of having a adult conversation with me then his sex life would be the least of his worries .."

Exactly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All in reading is a lot of "I do this" and "I do that" and that you're expecting some form of payment for that...as some one who has been divorced 3 times, I can tell you from experience, that's not how relationships work.

I see you've now hidden your profile, so other comments that you've already cheated have obviously hit the guilt button.

You need to ask yourself why you've been on here for at least a year (based on your forum activity) and only now asking why your wife isn't performing to your expectations.

Also, as many others have said, sit down and talk to her. If you are serious about your relationship with her (as you are cheating I have doubts) perhaps go for marriage guidance.

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