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I don’t know what to do

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I appear to be experiencing a mental block when it comes to sex. I’m freaking out. I think this is the male equivalent of not being able to get an erection

I’ve always enjoyed a healthy sex life but I came off my antidepressants, came out of a relationship and started therapy and I feel good but this has happened. I get aroused and I can be in the moment kissing and touching etc and I get the initial build up as if I’m going to and then bam it goes and I cannot get it back. Did you ever see the film nymphomaniac where she was finding it impossible to cum? Yeah that’s me just now unless I pleasure myself with a rabbit. I don’t know what to do as it’s starting to really upset me as I feel im not normal Has this ever happened to anyone here and if so how did you come out the other side?

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
over a year ago

Essex

I would take the emphasis off cumming. Focus on just enjoying the moment. Relax into it.

I’ve genuinely had some amazing sex without orgasms.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I have this too sometimes not all the time, but I get the build up then loose it.

I think it's worse if I have a lot going on and can't let my mind relax it's super frustrating I feel for you OP.

Sounds like you have just come out of a stressful situation and change in medication may not help.

Hope you manage to find the culprit and get back to cumming.

Mrs

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

Yeah, what Misty said. It’s a difficult mental leap to make sometimes, but try to take the emphasis off orgasms. Sex isn’t a means to an end. It’s an act to be enjoyed. Savoured, even. And if the feeling disappears, then stop. Take a break. Do something else. Slow down, just lie there together. Stroke each other’s skin. Talk. Kiss again, maybe. See if the feeling comes back. Maybe it won’t and you just try again next time. But trying to take that pressure to perform away, to get rid of it, is the point.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I appear to be experiencing a mental block when it comes to sex. I’m freaking out. I think this is the male equivalent of not being able to get an erection

I’ve always enjoyed a healthy sex life but I came off my antidepressants, came out of a relationship and started therapy and I feel good but this has happened. I get aroused and I can be in the moment kissing and touching etc and I get the initial build up as if I’m going to and then bam it goes and I cannot get it back. Did you ever see the film nymphomaniac where she was finding it impossible to cum? Yeah that’s me just now unless I pleasure myself with a rabbit. I don’t know what to do as it’s starting to really upset me as I feel im not normal Has this ever happened to anyone here and if so how did you come out the other side? "

Why don't you take your rabbit to meets?

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Bliss

Yep mental blocks are a pain in the arse, I take a break from sex and I do tantric deep breathing at the beach incorporated with yoga meditation, when I'm in a block mode. Once I've found that freedom mindset again, I can slip into it in sex and tip over to orgasm.

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By *amierebelMan
over a year ago

My own little world

Stress certainly plays a part and mindset can have to many things going on in life for the sex stuff been in this situation before not even sure how I overcame it tbh think life started getting easier and things went back to normal basically, however I was a man with an erection who just couldn't get to the end climax goal

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT


"I appear to be experiencing a mental block when it comes to sex. I’m freaking out. I think this is the male equivalent of not being able to get an erection

I’ve always enjoyed a healthy sex life but I came off my antidepressants, came out of a relationship and started therapy and I feel good but this has happened. I get aroused and I can be in the moment kissing and touching etc and I get the initial build up as if I’m going to and then bam it goes and I cannot get it back. Did you ever see the film nymphomaniac where she was finding it impossible to cum? Yeah that’s me just now unless I pleasure myself with a rabbit. I don’t know what to do as it’s starting to really upset me as I feel im not normal Has this ever happened to anyone here and if so how did you come out the other side?

Why don't you take your rabbit to meets? "

Aren’t there laws about that sort of thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my opinion it sounds like you are experiencing similar blocks to myself. I had a few occasions when i wanted to be hard and indeed needed to be hard but my cock just didn't play ball. Hence softie loftie.

This then became more of a mental block rather than a physical one - even though the evidence was there to see. I was reassured by thise i was with at the time and we did other things that were as equally pleasurable.

The fear of it happening again played havoc with my state of mind in case it happens again and I feel i will let the other person down or stop their enjoyment.

Unfortunately, it is not an easy thing to overcome. You always question 'is it me or is it this innate fear of not performing as the norm.'

Firstly you are like many others but at least you have an advantage by identifying it and speaking about it so that's half the problem and well done!

There is already good advice above but may I add to it by saying stop concentrating on the end result of orgasming and/or cumming. Don't let previous experiences or emotions impact on your current ones. The more you relax into the situation and enjoy the experience, the more this block will start to dissolve. It may never go away (hopefully it will though) but it will get less and less concerning and more manageable for you. From my experience any kind people you are with will always understand and even support you should this emotion creep in.

Now it's easy for me to say stop worrying but I get where you are coming from. Honestly you will see a change once you de-stress and relax.

I wish you every luck going forward and hope you get yourself back to state of contentment.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thankyou all for being so kind and the advice is really welcome. I don’t want to rely on a toy to get myself off, I want to enjoy a person fully like I used to so I’d never use it during sex. I guess I just don’t want to disappoint any meets I have by not being able to climax and they feel they haven’t performed well. I’ve never actually thought about just enjoying the moment I’ve always had that end goal of an orgasm in mind so I’ll definitely try and focus more on that x

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

Maybe toys have desensitised you to human pleasure

Throw them in the bin and try taking things slowly when you next try intimacy with a man

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
over a year ago

Essex

I’ll be honest, you need a special secure man who will understand. A truly confident man that also understands and doesn’t let his ego take over.

Be honest from the start.

I also agree with perhaps leaving the toys alone for a while. I’ve encountered a few men who can’t cum during sex, due to “porn grip”.

And as a side note - I’m saying man. Other genders are available. Choose your partner wisely x

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By *apidaryMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Sounds like you've had a lot going on in your life, OP - with a lot of positives included, but perhaps no surprise you're not your normal self.

Some sensible advice in all the replies here. Nothing much to add from me besides sympathy and wishing you good luck, but those seem part of the reason for the forum (and for human contact). Enjoy what you can and presume that life will return to normal. I'm sure it will.

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By *ustauseerTV/TS
over a year ago

Sedgemoor

I used to totally freak out about sex and having a reassuring partner is invaluable.

I also found that meditation can be a wonderful way to relax beforehand to allow you to enjoy yourself.

2 meditations I use are the 3 minute counting where I set a time and close my eyes and try to count the seconds, it’s a wonderfully grounding moment.

The other is 10 minutes of total stillness, lie on the floor or a bed, close your eyes and try to stay totally still, the urge to move will come and go, but stick with it and you begin to feel this wave of total relaxation, don’t allow your mind to wonder t too much.

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By *esparate danMan
over a year ago

glasgow

Perhaps youve answered your own question by saying you used to enjoy sex when you were in a relationship and depression was under control

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The more you focus on it the harder it will be.

As others have said enjoy the moment and what is happening at the time and not focus on orgasm.

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester


"I appear to be experiencing a mental block when it comes to sex. I’m freaking out. I think this is the male equivalent of not being able to get an erection

I’ve always enjoyed a healthy sex life but I came off my antidepressants, came out of a relationship and started therapy and I feel good but this has happened. I get aroused and I can be in the moment kissing and touching etc and I get the initial build up as if I’m going to and then bam it goes and I cannot get it back. Did you ever see the film nymphomaniac where she was finding it impossible to cum? Yeah that’s me just now unless I pleasure myself with a rabbit. I don’t know what to do as it’s starting to really upset me as I feel im not normal Has this ever happened to anyone here and if so how did you come out the other side? "
Its your mind and unfortunately you can't turn your mind off but anti depressants contain a drug that gets rid of the desire for sex maybe they aren't out of your system yet

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I feel amazing since coming off my anti depressants so I’m definitely not depressed but yes I have been grieving the loss of a relationship I so badly wanted to work. I think part of me has become desensitised to human pleasure due to relying so heavily on porn and a toy so I definitely need to get rid of it. I think having a fb, fwb whatever we are calling them who is understanding is a big thing as I don’t want to feel the need to lie or fake a climax. I will look into meditation as this overthinking can’t be doing me any good.

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