FabSwingers.com forum: Which would you rather?

By *ehindHerEyes OP Couple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

Bit if a Complex one this one after something I have been reading and I'm still on the fence about though currently I'm more one side than the other.

Would you rather be liked or respected?

If you choose liked could you live without respect?

If you choose respected could you live without being liked?

I know the middle ground is ideal but often that isn't the case.

Which would you choose?

Marc

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Fantastic question ......

Respected all the way. But I cba with an explanation

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Respected.

I don't want to be liked by everyone. I do want to be treated with basic human respect by everyone.

If no one liked me, I'd be happy with my books and tentacles in peace.

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By *ehindHerEyes OP Couple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

"Fantastic question ......

Respected all the way. But I cba with an explanation

It was an effort to write as much as I did because I feel the same way

Marc

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By *ehindHerEyes OP Couple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

"Respected.

I don't want to be liked by everyone. I do want to be treated with basic human respect by everyone.

If no one liked me, I'd be happy with my books and tentacles in peace."

Do you feel respect is less emotionally driven?

Marc

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Yes I'm voting for liked and respected. Its like the Machiavelli quote that for a ruler "it is better to be feared than to be loved if one cannot be both"

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By *aizyWoman
over a year ago

west midlands

"Respected.

I don't want to be liked by everyone. I do want to be treated with basic human respect by everyone.

If no one liked me, I'd be happy with my books and tentacles in peace."

Same for me, minus the tentacles!

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"Respected.

I don't want to be liked by everyone. I do want to be treated with basic human respect by everyone.

If no one liked me, I'd be happy with my books and tentacles in peace.

Do you feel respect is less emotionally driven?

Marc"

Well, yes?

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Think Aretha sums it pretty well

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=9iayJ8u4Qew&si=e15t4ROI97cVIl7E

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on the situation.

Work? Respected

Day to day life? Liked

Probably.

Thing is, I’m neither

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By *issBlackedCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

I was thinking about this in musical terms. "Take that" (for those old enough to remember) ...

Gary Barlow has always been the more serious type, has written/composed music for years and is respected by his peers.

Robbie Williams is a straight up entertainer and will rely on external factors to keep him relevant amoungst be the pop crowd.

Both are awesome but I'd rather be respected amoungst a group of my peers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being disrespectably unlikeable I do not feel qualified to evaluate this conundrum.

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By *ehindHerEyes OP Couple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

"Yes I'm voting for liked and respected. Its like the Machiavelli quote that for a ruler "it is better to be feared than to be loved if one cannot be both""

And if you can't have both?

Marc

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By *ehindHerEyes OP Couple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

"I was thinking about this in musical terms. "Take that" (for those old enough to remember) ...

Gary Barlow has always been the more serious type, has written/composed music for years and is respected by his peers.

Robbie Williams is a straight up entertainer and will rely on external factors to keep him relevant amoungst be the pop crowd.

Both are awesome but I'd rather be respected amoungst a group of my peers."

I remember my parents playing Take That aa a child growing up...

Who I am kidding

In this scenario respect takes longer to Foster. Liked is imo very short lived and a you say requires constant work to remain relevant

Marc

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By *untocum1000TV/TS
over a year ago

newmarket

Respected for being likable ???

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By *ehindHerEyes OP Couple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

"Respected for being likable ??? "

Is that a thing?

Marc

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By *TinyDelight-Woman
over a year ago

City Centre

People's opinion on whether they like me or not has no consequence on my life. Show respect and mutual respect flows. Have self respect and you tend not to care about being liked so much.

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By *ehindHerEyes OP Couple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

"People's opinion on whether they like me or not has no consequence on my life. Show respect and mutual respect flows. Have self respect and you tend not to care about being liked so much.

Self respect would be a whole different thread.

I'm not sure self respect brings about being respected or liked

Marc

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By *TinyDelight-Woman
over a year ago

City Centre

"People's opinion on whether they like me or not has no consequence on my life. Show respect and mutual respect flows. Have self respect and you tend not to care about being liked so much.

Self respect would be a whole different thread.

I'm not sure self respect brings about being respected or liked

Marc"

If you have self respect you won't chase or crave being liked. It just won't bother you as much.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I live my life without either now. Because I couldn’t give a fuck about what people think of me.

So my option would be keep your likes, keep your respect, they’re probably a bellend anyway, they’ll be doing my head in, in about a fortnight so just keep it all, I’m good

The mr

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Liked. If we are talking day to day life rather than work related.

If someone likes you they are more likely to respect you, surely?.

And if you’re a reasonable person you give folk the bare bones of respect anyway.

Respect (to me) is only really warranted in the workplace, and you have to earn that.

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By *jay1975Man
over a year ago

London / Barcelona

"People's opinion on whether they like me or not has no consequence on my life. Show respect and mutual respect flows. Have self respect and you tend not to care about being liked so much.

Self respect would be a whole different thread.

I'm not sure self respect brings about being respected or liked

Marc"

Self respect seems to make it difficult to be liked but not respected by others.

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By *ehindHerEyes OP Couple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

"Liked. If we are talking day to day life rather than work related.

If someone likes you they are more likely to respect you, surely?.

And if you’re a reasonable person you give folk the bare bones of respect anyway.

Respect (to me) is only really warranted in the workplace, and you have to earn that."

I was talking just generally. I'm not convinced that if someone respects you that is always followed with liking someone. Though I think you can like someone but once your respect for them has gone you can no longer like them

Marc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How about feared

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Respected because the people who like me respect me too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bit if a Complex one this one after something I have been reading and I'm still on the fence about though currently I'm more one side than the other.

Would you rather be liked or respected?

If you choose liked could you live without respect?

If you choose respected could you live without being liked?

I know the middle ground is ideal but often that isn't the case.

Which would you choose?

Marc"

Neither. People are entitled to their opinions etc etc. Their dis/respect or dis/like don't affect me.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

Respected.

I'm already fine and accepting of not everyone likes me. A lot can be said for being respected. As there are lots of people I don't like, but I respect them.

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By *esparate danMan
over a year ago

glasgow

Where do you get all these crazy ideas Marc

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By *ehindHerEyes OP Couple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

"Respected.

I'm already fine and accepting of not everyone likes me. A lot can be said for being respected. As there are lots of people I don't like, but I respect them. "

I get this completely. When I look at certain people I respect what they have achieved in life but not always like the way they have done it or even who they are

Marc

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By *rsPricklePantsWoman
over a year ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

I could live with liked as long as self respect is still allowed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rather be respected than liked because if I'm only liked because I take disrespect then I'm not gonna like myself and my self esteem is more important than anyone liking me.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I'll take liked thanks, being respected by many is too deep for me on here, and my trust issues wouldn't believe them anyway, like is superficial enough

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By *imon_hydeMan
over a year ago

Stockport

At work I'd rather be respected than liked, in my personal life I think I'd rather be liked but a bit of respect is fine ')

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Respected.

I'm already fine and accepting of not everyone likes me. A lot can be said for being respected. As there are lots of people I don't like, but I respect them.

I get this completely. When I look at certain people I respect what they have achieved in life but not always like the way they have done it or even who they are

Marc"

That's interesting. If you respect what they have achieved then that goal must have been admirable in your eyes.

Do you think you might be judgemental/envious about the path they took to success because it's not how you would have done it ? Is it a moral judgement from your perspective ?

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By *lackboy1234Man
over a year ago

london

Respected I don't need people to like me but if people don't respect you your get knowhere

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

By the way , when people say it doesn't affect them if people don't like or respect them........ it really does. You may not think it matters but it alters courses and opportunities.

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

By who?

What does it mean to be liked or respected by someone who doesn't know you?

If I like someone then I think about whether I respect them. If that's there then how they feel about me become important. Respect is a deeper thing to me; liking is ok I guess it's pleasant, nice and easily faked.

Big world, lot's of people can't please them all. I'd go crazy if I tried; I've seen plenty do so.

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

"By the way , when people say it doesn't affect them if people don't like or respect them........ it really does. You may not think it matters but it alters courses and opportunities."

That is very true. And yet so is the opposite? Not risking being liked can have exactly the same outcome?

There's no course I am interested in that causes me to lose respect for myself. If that means not being liked, so be it.

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By *ehindHerEyes OP Couple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

"Respected.

I'm already fine and accepting of not everyone likes me. A lot can be said for being respected. As there are lots of people I don't like, but I respect them.

I get this completely. When I look at certain people I respect what they have achieved in life but not always like the way they have done it or even who they are

Marc

That's interesting. If you respect what they have achieved then that goal must have been admirable in your eyes.

Do you think you might be judgemental/envious about the path they took to success because it's not how you would have done it ? Is it a moral judgement from your perspective ?"

No judgement on my part whatsoever. I think my comment came across slightly wrong.

When I look at people I respect and admire its not from a place of wanting to be them. It's because of their attitude and often work ethic that I k ow has evaluated them there.

If we take Stephen Barlett for example. I disagree with a lot of what he says but I still respect him for what he has achieved already in his life.

I will achieve what I achieve in life through my own hardwork.

Marc

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By *ehindHerEyes OP Couple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

"By the way , when people say it doesn't affect them if people don't like or respect them........ it really does. You may not think it matters but it alters courses and opportunities."

100% agreement on this. Opportunities are given to those by people who like and/or respect that person.

Marc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't control if people choose to like or respect me. I've spent too much of my life worrying about, and trying to influence how people feel about me. I choose neither. Sorry!

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I can't control if people choose to like or respect me. I've spent too much of my life worrying about, and trying to influence how people feel about me. I choose neither. Sorry!"

So let's imagine that you no longer try to influence people about how they should feel about you and you leave it to them to make decisions about the authentic you. If you turned out to be unlikeable and disrepected , by the majority, ( this is hypotheticals of course ) you are saying you wouldn't reflecton or change at least one aspect of yourself ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can't control if people choose to like or respect me. I've spent too much of my life worrying about, and trying to influence how people feel about me. I choose neither. Sorry!

How would I know, Granny?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can't control if people choose to like or respect me. I've spent too much of my life worrying about, and trying to influence how people feel about me. I choose neither. Sorry!

How would I know, Granny? "

Pressed post too fast. How hypothetically does one know that the majority don't like or respect you? And the majority of who? I work for myself. I have people I know professionally. Am I supposed to care what all of my LinkedIn contacts think about me? OR could I just try to be the best person I can and reflect on what I say and do and improve?

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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago

Nottingham

Being liked by everyone is exhausting. Just saying.

I don't need everyone's respect though. But no one's respect would be rough.

If they don't like me do they despise me? Because I don't think I'd like that.

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