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"If you’re both going your separate ways then as said further up option 3 is you putting yourself first, and she takes care of herself. It’s harsh but 10 years ago to the day as I write this the apartment was being packed up when she was at work so I could escape that vortex of control. You must look after yourself first." ^^^ This and this and this ^^^ | |||
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"I'm so sorry OP, very hard situation ![]() Absolutely. Your marriage might not have worked out but you can still have a healthy relationship | |||
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"I'm so sorry OP, very hard situation ![]() Remind yourself of this every day and do your best to calm any argument. When I split from my husband I just repeated in my head that this will be over soon. | |||
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"So I’m not looking for judgement, no on in real life to turn to. Been on the sofa for a couple of weeks, live with my partner and own our house together, she can’t afford the payments and I can’t afford to pay the house and a new place. No idea how we move forward from here without me looking like a tw@t" Tricky situation I've been in this scenario before.. I have advice If you would like to message me.. it's only really truly tricky if you have kids.. why else would you be considering paying for her to stay in the house plus a place for you to live | |||
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"Sorry to here that been through a divorce myself and may be going through a second one soon! The first one was more messy than it had to be, solictors got involved etc. However what went in my favor is that she quit her job right after we got married (without discussing it with me) so I paid for everything for 18 months, she moved out back to her mums so was able to get her off the mortgage and deeds easily. Not sure what you can do if you ca t afford the mortgage by yourself. An option could be rent the house and both of you move out into cheaper accommodation? My best advice is don't get emotional or start fighting over who owns what. It's only stuff and can be replaced. Switch off your emotions and treat it as a business deal. Why ex wife thought she was getting loads of money but the house wouldn't sell due to the fact it was put up for "sale" by my brothers estates agents so they made sure no clients knew about it. I offered her 8k to buy her out but she wanted 10k so said she would wait until the house had sold. Played the long game and then she wanted to get married again but owed her solicitor 2k. She asked me to pay her bill and she would sign the house over. I let her wait for a few weeks to sweat and then paid it. She didn't do herself any favors she told all her friends I was knocking her around for sympathy and they didn't believe her then found out shevwas having and affair the whole time while playing the victim and took my side. I actually moved out of our house but didn't tell her and was renting it out and making a nice profit." She might not have told people you were knocking her around for sympathy. There are legal aid advantages if there was violence in the relationship Solicitors often push couples into saying there was violence when there wasn’t simply so they can get their pay day. Everything said above sounds like a standard divorce where the divorce lawyers have been allowed to have their way Avoid divorce lawyers like the plague - or like covid, whichever keeps you furthest away | |||
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"So I’m not looking for judgement, no on in real life to turn to. Been on the sofa for a couple of weeks, live with my partner and own our house together, she can’t afford the payments and I can’t afford to pay the house and a new place. No idea how we move forward from here without me looking like a tw@t" Oh and another piece of advice to let friends or family get in your ear and cloud your judgement. They have all this great advice and myths that they heard from what happened to some mysterious guy down the local pub! They mean well but are shouting from the sidelines and aren't going through it. Block it out, think about what will make you happy and focus on the end game. Lol when I confronted my wife about the affair she denied everything. So I told her his name address, where he worked, car make, model registration even what position he played in the local football team The look on her face was priceless and told her I knew for ages and would always be one step ahead. | |||
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"Sorry it's not worked out for you OP. Regarding some of the advice of some of the men on here regarding what women are like when they are getting divorced, is absolute twaddle or every man on here is extremely unlucky. I female moved out the marital home as I couldn't afford it. We did get solicitors because there was issues with pensions, so it was just simpler. There was no encouragement from the solicitor to say anything untrue whatsoever. In all honesty it was a simple process much the same as using a solicitor when purchasing a house etc. " From the law society website: “Legal aid is no longer available for most divorce cases, unless there are concerns of domestic abuse or violence. It’s still available for mediation.” What does the government think is going to happen to people when their partner involves lawyers but they, themselves, can’t afford them? There’s little choice other than to say there was violence even when there wasn’t Gender makes no difference in the situation There’s more than one way to encourage an action. People don’t always outright say what they want you to do, the drop hints like this It sounds like you went for mediation rather than taking it to court, or you could both afford to pay Even the mediation service is questionable. All it takes is one unscrupulous lawyer to say “I think you’re entitled to more and mediation isn’t going to work” for it to all fall apart and we’re back to the question of affordability Remember, the longer the divorce goes on, the more they get paid. If the couple get back together, the pay cheques stop I’ve no doubt there are some good lawyers out there but market forces are unquestionably against ethics in this arena | |||
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