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Worst joke of the night..

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By *rummyman OP   Man
over a year ago

birmingham

I'll start....

3 cpls lining up at the pearly gates.

St Peter calls first cpl over and says to the bloke 'before I let you in lets see what you did in your life?'

I see all you cared about was money, money and more money, you even married a girl called penny!

Down you go to hell. ..

St Peter calls 2nd cpl over...

Same thing...all you ever thought of was booze, booze...you even married a girl called sherry...down you go.

The thorder cpl are listening in and the husband turns around to the wife and says ' forget it fanny we've got no chance!'

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

I can stop a speeding bullet.

Only once, though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants… it’s called Fee Fi Phobia

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

From now on I'm going to identify as a donkey.

My pronouns will be he/haw.

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By *ez669Man
over a year ago

East Kilbride

A rabbit and a bear are in the woods. The bear says do you have issues with shit sticking to your fur. Rabbit says no so the bear wipped his ass with the rabbit

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

What’s the difference between a chickpea and a red kidney bean.

I’ve never had a red kidney bean on my face.

The mr

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"From now on I'm going to identify as a donkey.

My pronouns will be he/haw."

I’m identifying as invisible… I’m trans-parent and my pronouns are who and where

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm writing a book about hurricanes and tornadoes. It's just a draft at the moment.

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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago

Transsexual Transylvania

Two nuns are driving though Transylvania. Suddenly a vampire bat lands on the windscreen.

"Quick, turn on the wipers!", shouts the nun who isn't driving.

The other nun turns on the wipers but the vampire bat clings on, baring its fangs.

The first nun screams, "Quick, show it your cross!"

So the other nun rolls down her window, sticks her head out, shakes her fist and says, "Fuck off you little bastard!"

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex


"I'm writing a book about hurricanes and tornadoes. It's just a draft at the moment."

That reminds me of a book about micro gravity. - I could hardly put it down.

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By *oadsafun1960Man
over a year ago

Somerset & Hertfordshire

I went to the store and asked the assistant "what's the best disinfectant for killing germs?"

"Ammonia Cleaner" she replied

I said "sorry I thought you worked here"

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By *rummyman OP   Man
over a year ago

birmingham


"I’ve been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants… it’s called Fee Fi Phobia "

That's a good one

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By *rummyman OP   Man
over a year ago

birmingham


"From now on I'm going to identify as a donkey.

My pronouns will be he/haw.

I’m identifying as invisible… I’m trans-parent and my pronouns are who and where "

Brilliant...

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By *rummyman OP   Man
over a year ago

birmingham


"Two nuns are driving though Transylvania. Suddenly a vampire bat lands on the windscreen.

"Quick, turn on the wipers!", shouts the nun who isn't driving.

The other nun turns on the wipers but the vampire bat clings on, baring its fangs.

The first nun screams, "Quick, show it your cross!"

So the other nun rolls down her window, sticks her head out, shakes her fist and says, "Fuck off you little bastard!"

"

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By *rummyman OP   Man
over a year ago

birmingham


"I went to the store and asked the assistant "what's the best disinfectant for killing germs?"

"Ammonia Cleaner" she replied

I said "sorry I thought you worked here""

good one

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By *rummyman OP   Man
over a year ago

birmingham


"

I'll start....

3 cpls lining up at the pearly gates.

St Peter calls first cpl over and says to the bloke 'before I let you in lets see what you did in your life?'

I see all you cared about was money, money and more money, you even married a girl called penny!

Down you go to hell. ..

St Peter calls 2nd cpl over...

Same thing...all you ever thought of was booze, booze...you even married a girl called sherry...down you go.

The thorder cpl are listening in and the husband turns around to the wife and says ' forget it fanny we've got no chance!'

"

Got rid of the vacuum cleaner the other day.

It was only stood in the corner gathering dust!.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

What have a grenade and a wife got in common

Remove the ring and the house is gone

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

2 fish in a tank, one says to the other “how do you drive this thing”

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By *angtidy42Couple
over a year ago

Redditch

Put my phone under the pillow last night, woke up this morning and it was gone, replaced by a pound coin.

Must of been the blue tooth fairy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I went to the store and asked the assistant "what's the best disinfectant for killing germs?"

"Ammonia Cleaner" she replied

I said "sorry I thought you worked here""

LOL

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

I saw a chameleon yesterday.

So I think it's fair to say it was a pretty shit chameleon.

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By *cotty_01ukMan
over a year ago

birmingham

Why did Adele cross the road?

To say hello from the other side

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By *orraine999Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere


"Put my phone under the pillow last night, woke up this morning and it was gone, replaced by a pound coin.

Must of been the blue tooth fairy."

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By *ake_or_deathMan
over a year ago

Manchester

I used to work behind the bar in a pub. A woman came in and asked for a double entendre so I gave her one.

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex


"I saw a chameleon yesterday.

So I think it's fair to say it was a pretty shit chameleon."

'went to the zoo and only saw one animal,- a medium sized ornamental dog. It was a Shit zoo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why shouldn't you use a broken pencil?

Because it's pointless

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ejaculate

What a Yorkshire person says to Jack when he's not on time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s the opposite of ‘Chatman du?’

Dog woman don’t

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

I recently bought a toilet brush.

Long story short; I'm going back to toilet paper.

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By *romleyM41Man
over a year ago

orpington / surrounding

I put superglue on my wife’s lipstick the other day as a practical joke

She still isn’t talking to me

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