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why are preferences deemed racist?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hi. Not sure if anyone else has had this problem but it's something that is proving to be very annoying. In our profile, we politely state that we aren't interested in meeting black or Asian people and insist that it's purely down to preference, not ignorance. We ask that "I can read" be put in the subject so we know our profile has been read fully and it's still not stopped individuals who obviously CAN'T read messaging us. On politely pointing this out to them, some get really offended and call us racist. For God's sake, I'm Jamaican, Chinese and Scottish, having pics on my profile to confirm I myself am of mixed ethnicity so where do they get off? Granted, most are apologetic and very polite but the minority of arrogant guys are still an annoying thing to tolerate. Any advice or similar experiences? Why can some people say they ONLY want black people yet my polite "no thanks" to non-white members is deemed offensive to some?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got accused of it too, i have nothing against coloured guys - i know plenty of coloured people who im friendly with, but i just dont wana fuck em!

I'm a fussy person anyway, but because i say 'thanks but no thanks' and they're black or whatever im automatically racist!

You cant be attracted to everyone!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Instead of putting it on your profile why not just delete messages from people you're not attracted to because of their colour in the same way you would delete messages from white guys who don't appeal to you.

By taking out that line from your profile you are not leaving yourselves open to accusations of racism. I'm sure you must get dozens of messages from white guys you don't like so treat them all the same - you're not attracted to them, black or white, and that's that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hi. Not sure if anyone else has had this problem but it's something that is proving to be very annoying. In our profile, we politely state that we aren't interested in meeting black or Asian people and insist that it's purely down to preference, not ignorance. We ask that "I can read" be put in the subject so we know our profile has been read fully and it's still not stopped individuals who obviously CAN'T read messaging us. On politely pointing this out to them, some get really offended and call us racist. For God's sake, I'm Jamaican, Chinese and Scottish, having pics on my profile to confirm I myself am of mixed ethnicity so where do they get off? Granted, most are apologetic and very polite but the minority of arrogant guys are still an annoying thing to tolerate. Any advice or similar experiences? Why can some people say they ONLY want black people yet my polite "no thanks" to non-white members is deemed offensive to some?"

It's not racist and it's your profile so ask for who you like

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It sounds like you’ve already made a reasonable effort to ward off such situations from occurring….

Unfortunately you can’t realistically expect everyone will take notice or abide by those efforts

But there’s little point letting the disproportionate reaction of someone your not interested in bother you...

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By *Ryan-Man
over a year ago

In Your Bush

Jamaican, Chinese and Scottish ? That is an unusual combination.

Do you have a petite build, really good dance moves and a ginger muff

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think it is racist, but i imagine the main reason you are being perceived that way is because certain racial groups are the only thing on your profile that you single out as being not for you. Other than race, not much else is singled out as being a deal breaker.

Its your profile, so id say leave it the way you want it, but if you want to try to reduce these messages, id say try to focus on the positive. Stress the attributes you do want, and a avoid focussing on the attributes you dont find appealing

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By *quirrelMan
over a year ago

East Manchester


"Jamaican, Chinese and Scottish ? That is an unusual combination.

Do you have a petite build, really good dance moves and a ginger muff "

Some people! what you have just said could be construed as racial stereotyping, It can be like tap dancing in a minefield trying to put a profile together which will not offend anyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Put whatever you want on your profile and ignore and block all those you don't want to reply to. Don't let anyone else dictate how you should present yourselves.

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By *Ryan-Man
over a year ago

In Your Bush


"Jamaican, Chinese and Scottish ? That is an unusual combination.

Do you have a petite build, really good dance moves and a ginger muff

Some people! what you have just said could be construed as racial stereotyping, It can be like tap dancing in a minefield trying to put a profile together which will not offend anyone."

Most things can in this day and age unfortunately.

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"Jamaican, Chinese and Scottish ? That is an unusual combination.

Do you have a petite build, really good dance moves and a ginger muff "

Cheers Ryan I just choked on my toast x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be honest I don't understand how people can have a blanket 'preference' that means they find everyone of a particular race unattractive.

To me there are people I do find attractive, and people I don't - all made up of a combination of things. I'm sure for most on here the 'preference' thing makes it an acceptable prejudice, but that's nonetheless what it is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you dont have to explain ur preferences in this thread or on ur profile. just state them as you have, in a non-offensive way, which you have

anyone that calls u a racist or gets funny about it have the real problems here and i got no time for silly folk like that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hi. Not sure if anyone else has had this problem but it's something that is proving to be very annoying. In our profile, we politely state that we aren't interested in meeting black or Asian people and insist that it's purely down to preference, not ignorance. We ask that "I can read" be put in the subject so we know our profile has been read fully and it's still not stopped individuals who obviously CAN'T read messaging us. On politely pointing this out to them, some get really offended and call us racist. For God's sake, I'm Jamaican, Chinese and Scottish, having pics on my profile to confirm I myself am of mixed ethnicity so where do they get off? Granted, most are apologetic and very polite but the minority of arrogant guys are still an annoying thing to tolerate. Any advice or similar experiences? Why can some people say they ONLY want black people yet my polite "no thanks" to non-white members is deemed offensive to some?"

There is nothing wrong with saying what you want, its people saying NO this or that that people take exception at. Personally we think you should be able to chose ethnicity, size, marital status and any other variable after all you wouldn't call someone homophobic if they chose not to play with someone of the same sex.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I think when people put what they don't want on a profile some people take it personally to them and want to argue the toss.

We obviously have preferences of what type of males I fancy, but I wouldn't put it on the profile for this reason. We just say no thanks to a certain build of a man instead and they are none the wiser as to why.

It is obviously up to you what you write on your profile , but maybe try for a week without your preferences on and see if that makes a difference.

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow


"Jamaican, Chinese and Scottish ? That is an unusual combination.

........."

Not that unusual. We (Scots) got everywhere.

Missionaries, merchants, matelots and mercenaries.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hi. Not sure if anyone else has had this problem but it's something that is proving to be very annoying. In our profile, we politely state that we aren't interested in meeting black or Asian people and insist that it's purely down to preference, not ignorance. We ask that "I can read" be put in the subject so we know our profile has been read fully and it's still not stopped individuals who obviously CAN'T read messaging us. On politely pointing this out to them, some get really offended and call us racist. For God's sake, I'm Jamaican, Chinese and Scottish, having pics on my profile to confirm I myself am of mixed ethnicity so where do they get off? Granted, most are apologetic and very polite but the minority of arrogant guys are still an annoying thing to tolerate. Any advice or similar experiences? Why can some people say they ONLY want black people yet my polite "no thanks" to non-white members is deemed offensive to some?

There is nothing wrong with saying what you want, its people saying NO this or that that people take exception at. Personally we think you should be able to chose ethnicity, size, marital status and any other variable after all you wouldn't call someone homophobic if they chose not to play with someone of the same sex. "

I agree with that. Somehow it makes sense to state what you're looking for, but to exclude inevitably sounds judgemental.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not racist at all!!!!! Your preference your choice x

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By *ee and DaveCouple
over a year ago

Rural Warwickshire

Those people that reply to your profile and ignore your preferences are the same ones that use hazard warning lights in no parking areas. They are clearly exempt from any rules and dont see anything wrong in their behaviour.

We put please read the profile they clearly automatically think - I will not. Im immune- and message inappropropriately.

Hey its fab xx we find it fun to hit the delete button as suggested above and the big red block thingy sorted! Xx

It would be boring if we stuck to lifes rules xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is nothing wrong with the way you've compiled your profile in my opinion. Stick with it and simply ignore and block the abusive people. If they can't accept your preferences, then tough on them and they should learn to grow up - not be keyboard warriors. Nice profile and pics btw.

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden


"Instead of putting it on your profile why not just delete messages from people you're not attracted to because of their colour in the same way you would delete messages from white guys who don't appeal to you.

By taking out that line from your profile you are not leaving yourselves open to accusations of racism. I'm sure you must get dozens of messages from white guys you don't like so treat them all the same - you're not attracted to them, black or white, and that's that."

Wishy, this is the second time in two weeks that I have agreed with you! It has to stop....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

arseholes dont mail us..

what will u get?...namely arseholes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Explain yourself to nobody

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Instead of putting it on your profile why not just delete messages from people you're not attracted to because of their colour in the same way you would delete messages from white guys who don't appeal to you.

By taking out that line from your profile you are not leaving yourselves open to accusations of racism. I'm sure you must get dozens of messages from white guys you don't like so treat them all the same - you're not attracted to them, black or white, and that's that.

Wishy, this is the second time in two weeks that I have agreed with you! It has to stop.... "

Excuse me, this is a non-flirty thread, please desist. Thankyou. lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Explain yourself to nobody"

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Instead of putting it on your profile why not just delete messages from people you're not attracted to because of their colour in the same way you would delete messages from white guys who don't appeal to you.

By taking out that line from your profile you are not leaving yourselves open to accusations of racism. I'm sure you must get dozens of messages from white guys you don't like so treat them all the same - you're not attracted to them, black or white, and that's that.

Wishy, this is the second time in two weeks that I have agreed with you! It has to stop.... "

You think you've got problems?!! This is his third post TODAY I've agreed with!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To be honest I don't understand how people can have a blanket 'preference' that means they find everyone of a particular race unattractive.

To me there are people I do find attractive, and people I don't - all made up of a combination of things. I'm sure for most on here the 'preference' thing makes it an acceptable prejudice, but that's nonetheless what it is."

very well put, this is how I feel about it too - any 'blanket' preference baffles me a little bit, there are attractive (to me) and unattractive (to me) people of all races, colours, shapes and sizes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Skin colour preferences are rooted in racism more often than not. However, sometimes it can be a cultural thing. Although we should remember that skin colour is not indicative of culture.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Jamaican, Chinese and Scottish ? That is an unusual combination.

Do you have a petite build, really good dance moves and a ginger muff "

Hilarious!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Explain yourself to nobody"

Probably the best thing to do there isn't a person on here I would think who doesn't have preferences and some types of people they wouldn't meet. ~As said before its better to state who you will meet not who you won't and block and ignore ones you have no interest in.

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

People will ALWAYS find a reason to take offence or label you one thing or another... I for one have NEVER met a black or Asian man I find attractive and although everyone is quick to jump on the racism card, it's more down to the build and facial features I don't find attractive, so am I supposed to paint on a smile and open my legs for all and sundry just to appear "politically correct"? I don't think so!

The people who want justification are not worth your time, everybody has preferences whether that be age, gender, body-type, ect. so we're all apparently an "ism" in some respect.

Just have fun and don't feel pressured into justifying yourself.

- Amy. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People will ALWAYS find a reason to take offence or label you one thing or another... I for one have NEVER met a black or Asian man I find attractive and although everyone is quick to jump on the racism card, it's more down to the build and facial features I don't find attractive, so am I supposed to paint on a smile and open my legs for all and sundry just to appear "politically correct"? I don't think so!

The people who want justification are not worth your time, everybody has preferences whether that be age, gender, body-type, ect. so we're all apparently an "ism" in some respect.

Just have fun and don't feel pressured into justifying yourself.

- Amy. x"

build and facial features....u are indeed generalizing I'm afraid- not saying its any 'ism' but ive seen my share of people who look similar to each other from lots of races(my very dolly mixtured heritage proves that too)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just have fun and don't feel pressured into justifying yourself.

- Amy. x"

You contradicted your own advice.

Personally I couldn't really explain why I find certain people attractive anyway, plus it changes all the time. Probably it is easier to be clear about what we don't like, but inevitably that's going to offend.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is nothing wrong with being a racist. It's personal choice and as long as one does not make racist comments it is not illegal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There is nothing wrong with being a racist. It's personal choice and as long as one does not make racist comments it is not illegal. "

It's not illegal, therefore it's right. Good luck with that attitude.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have always said rather than put what you don;t want, put what you do want, saying your only looking for white guys is much better than saying no blacks/asians. Like profiles who say they are only looking for black guys, thats not offensive. is it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well to say 'only looking for' is the same as 'not looking for', but to say 'am really attracted to..' avoids alienating anyone, but still lets people know if they're for you or not.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I always put 'no fat men' but im not fattist ..... honest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There is nothing wrong with being a racist. It's personal choice and as long as one does not make racist comments it is not illegal. "

Wait, what?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"There is nothing wrong with being a racist. It's personal choice and as long as one does not make racist comments it is not illegal.

Wait, what?"

LOL - I can here your cogs clanging

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hi. Not sure if anyone else has had this problem but it's something that is proving to be very annoying. In our profile, we politely state that we aren't interested in meeting black or Asian people and insist that it's purely down to preference, not ignorance. We ask that "I can read" be put in the subject so we know our profile has been read fully and it's still not stopped individuals who obviously CAN'T read messaging us. On politely pointing this out to them, some get really offended and call us racist. For God's sake, I'm Jamaican, Chinese and Scottish, having pics on my profile to confirm I myself am of mixed ethnicity so where do they get off? Granted, most are apologetic and very polite but the minority of arrogant guys are still an annoying thing to tolerate. Any advice or similar experiences? Why can some people say they ONLY want black people yet my polite "no thanks" to non-white members is deemed offensive to some?"

It's people making it something it's not. What you like is up to you. And people deeming it as racism are fickle and uneducated. Im mixed raced and have my preferred preferences. Your all good xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So people saying No Single Guys is deemed sexist then?

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By *uckhim-lickherCouple
over a year ago

Glenrothes


"Instead of putting it on your profile why not just delete messages from people you're not attracted to because of their colour in the same way you would delete messages from white guys who don't appeal to you.

By taking out that line from your profile you are not leaving yourselves open to accusations of racism. I'm sure you must get dozens of messages from white guys you don't like so treat them all the same - you're not attracted to them, black or white, and that's that."

Why should they leave that off there profile, nothing different to wanting slim or bbw, its preference, and that's what it's about,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well nobody has to justify why they do or don't find somebody attractive - but the original question was related to why their profile attracted unwanted attention.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't fancy men with long scraggly beards who hide out in caves in Afghanistan but it's got fuck all to do with them being Taliban Muslims.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Did YOU not read my initial post? I myself am mixed race, and am not judging people on colour. People who " won't meet smokers". Are they discriminating too? I said it politely, informed it was preference. Surely that is the right thing to do?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

LMAO! No, I can run fast, eat cats and have a serious drink problem!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Did YOU not read my initial post? I myself am mixed race, and am not judging people on colour. People who " won't meet smokers". Are they discriminating too? I said it politely, informed it was preference. Surely that is the right thing to do?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Did YOU not read my initial post? I myself am mixed race, and am not judging people on colour. People who " won't meet smokers". Are they discriminating too? I said it politely, informed it was preference. Surely that is the right thing to do?"

erm well quite clearly they are discriminating on the basis that they don't want to meet people who smoke.

You asked for advice, you have plenty. Take it or leave it - after all that's your preference!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks Amy. My grandad is as dark as they come, and I am not ashamed of my heritage. Just never been attracted to black or Asian guys. My dream man was Clark Kent when I was small not Bob Marley but I love his music and admire him greatly. Are white women who state they ONLY want black guys in the same bigot boat as me? Jeez!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

True. Not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth. Advice heeded and respected. Do kind of see ur point about ignoring those I'm not interested in because of their ethnicity. Maybe indirectly it is a racist thing to state. U live and u learn!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

OK so I put "white people only". Isn't that just as potentially offensive?

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By *ukus 62Woman
over a year ago

Essex

[Removed by poster at 11/02/13 20:32:23]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"OK so I put "white people only". Isn't that just as potentially offensive?"

haha - I think yes it will still attract those same conversations.

Maybe something like 'I'm mixed race and love to see my skin contrast with a pasty white person'... Or maybe not But perhaps something positive will help get positive responses.

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By *ukus 62Woman
over a year ago

Essex


"Instead of putting it on your profile why not just delete messages from people you're not attracted to because of their colour in the same way you would delete messages from white guys who don't appeal to you.

By taking out that line from your profile you are not leaving yourselves open to accusations of racism. I'm sure you must get dozens of messages from white guys you don't like so treat them all the same - you're not attracted to them, black or white, and that's that."

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Am going to minimise the offence my profile might cause and put only attracted to.... Is that better? Last thing I wanna do is come across as ignorant and upset people. Please can anyone advise if that would be a better way of wording things?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

LMAO! U just made me laugh enough to wake my son up! That is bloody hilarious!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Referring back to the OP, I think that everyone is entitled to their preferences, be they for black, white, smokers, or in wishy's case, just folks who aint got a straggly beard. You are selecting a partner to have sex with. Its your choice. Its not a job that you have to open up to everyone looking on the site.

The second point of putting a comment in your profile for people to repeat back is more tenuous. If someone asked me to do that I wouldnt. It should be obvious from my mail back that I can read surely...... I mean... Seriously. If someone cant read they cant write to mail you with any depth and as such, you should be able to tell easily from opening the mail and glancing at it who has read it and who has sent a one liner or a stock mail that they send to everyone.

And of course, everyone on here gets rubbish mails occasionally from people. If I responded to all of the guys who emailed me and accused them of not being able to read, I'd probably get a lot more.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Thanks Amy. My grandad is as dark as they come, and I am not ashamed of my heritage. Just never been attracted to black or Asian guys. My dream man was Clark Kent when I was small not Bob Marley but I love his music and admire him greatly. Are white women who state they ONLY want black guys in the same bigot boat as me? Jeez!"

I have white men only and I'm black. The only negative comments I've received have been from black men with selective reading.

The spot "white" but words like single, local, sub, accommodate seem to escape them!

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Because saying NO BLACKS NO ASIANS is.rather reminiscent of those signs from the 40s/50s which said NO BLACKS NO IRISH NO DOGS outside lodging houses.

There are far better ways to phrase it or simply (as has been mentioned) delete messages from people who don't meet your criteria, or say no thanks, or even block so they can't message again or show up in searches.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Ha Ha Amy! So true! Most guys who I reply politely to are fine and apologise. Graciousness is a valuable quality. Anyways, have taken that sentence out of my profile. Will just have to maintain my polite attitude and tell them I'm not interested! Last thing I wanna do is offend anyone if it can be avoided. Ur support is greatly appreciated.

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London


"There is nothing wrong with being a racist. It's personal choice and as long as one does not make racist comments it is not illegal. "

Sounds like straw-clutching to me. Sorry, but being a racist makes a person ignorant, judgmental, lacking empathy and common decency. It's not illegal, but nor is being an idiot.

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By *bbandflowCouple
over a year ago

South Devon


"There is nothing wrong with being a racist. It's personal choice and as long as one does not make racist comments it is not illegal.

Sounds like straw-clutching to me. Sorry, but being a racist makes a person ignorant, judgmental, lacking empathy and common decency. It's not illegal, but nor is being an idiot."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/02/13 21:22:16]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't fancy men with long scraggly beards who hide out in caves in Afghanistan but it's got fuck all to do with them being Taliban Muslims. "

Lol !

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By *am123Man
over a year ago

essex chelmsford


"I don't fancy men with long scraggly beards who hide out in caves in Afghanistan but it's got fuck all to do with them being Taliban Muslims.

Lol ! "
what is it then, u dont like there fashion?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think if people who are from minorities of any description feel profiles come accross in a racist manner they should report them and thats that. Let admin deal with it in the proper manner and decide how to handle the owners of the profiles.

"/

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There is nothing wrong with being a racist. It's personal choice and as long as one does not make racist comments it is not illegal.

Wait, what?

LOL - I can here your cogs clanging"

I really need glasses. I read "clanging" as "dangling"

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