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Confrontation

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By *mm_n_Zed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Fareham

I'm dreading tomorrow. I find myself in the unenviable position of having to confront my line manager regarding the way she speaks to me in public.

I plan to keep things calm and professional - I just hope it resolves the situation although it does have the potential to go very wrong... which would be a disaster as we work in a team of 'two' - just me and her. I can see things potentially becoming very frosty!!

Wish me luck!

Emm

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

all the best emm .. go in calm and with a few examples of the verbal exchanges and how they made you feel and hows others percived them

wish you all the best !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fingers crossed for you and that it goes well. However is there not someone superior to you work-wise that you can also talk this over with and put your point of _iew to?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

think its all in the opening line - something like - we need to be honest straight whatever with each other to get the best out of the task in hand

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good luck. Is there nobody else you can bring into the meeting with you? Not just for support but as a witness to the discussion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

as the problem is with your line manager you have every right to go to human resources or to her superior without telling her ...hope it all goes well

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

Make notes before you go in...take them with you...don't let them rile you,,be on control..and be calm...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

as a manager myself , most of my staff come to me with there problems , and if i have done something wrong , or been simply rude ! i hold my hands up and apologise , i take everything on board , and i like a happy office xx

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Take a witness and take notes of everything your manager says, have dated examples with witnesses, be polite but assertive and say you are formally asking for the behaviour to stop and that any future similar behaviour will be construed as bullying. Report it higher as well if you can. Get a union representative to go with you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Keep calm and don't let it get into an argument. Put your point across and maybe sneakily record the convo on your phone for a bit of back up. Never be scared to stand up to someone people like your line manager normally thrive on talking down to people but its normally because they are insecure and crap at there job. Best of luck x

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

If you go into the conversation believing it is a likely confrontation and a potential outcome is a frosty working relationship, then you may well get just that.

Change the focus of your beliefs about the conversation to the positives - this is an opportunity to build and strengthen your working relationship.

Think about the impact you want to have... rather than the one you don't.

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By *reenonionsMan
over a year ago

Nr Exeter

Woa there nelly....

If you are in a company with an HR team, you should have a policy in place for this.

Read your employee guide and follow the rules as it's work and not private.

It needs to be treated differently although most of the time it shouldn't...

J

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By *mm_n_Zed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Fareham

Thanks for all the advice guys. I've only been there a month and although I like the job, I just can't see me tolerating this person for very long regardless of what happens. I've already started looking for another job.

The last person lasted four months because of her and if/when I leave I'll be making sure HER line manager knows why.

I don't really want to go for the jugular and bring her line manager in just yet as I feel it'll only serve to make my working day intolerable (women can be such bitches). I'll try speaking to her informally and say how her talking down to me in public makes me feel and see where it goes from there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Take a witness and take notes of everything your manager says, have dated examples with witnesses, be polite but assertive and say you are formally asking for the behaviour to stop and that any future similar behaviour will be construed as bullying. Report it higher as well if you can. Get a union representative to go with you. "

Great advice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm dreading tomorrow. I find myself in the unenviable position of having to confront my line manager regarding the way she speaks to me in public.

I plan to keep things calm and professional - I just hope it resolves the situation although it does have the potential to go very wrong... which would be a disaster as we work in a team of 'two' - just me and her. I can see things potentially becoming very frosty!!

Wish me luck!

Emm "

Good luck, stay clam and don't rise to her bait. If you can stay calm with your tone and she shouts, it will look very bad on her and she will lose face with a lot of people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i told my team leader he was a lying ,2 faced, backstabbing bastard, and he now doesnt talk to me like a piece of dirt,sometimes i think you have to be truthful and to the point, but good luck anyway

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Take a witness and take notes of everything your manager says, have dated examples with witnesses, be polite but assertive and say you are formally asking for the behaviour to stop and that any future similar behaviour will be construed as bullying. Report it higher as well if you can. Get a union representative to go with you. "

Yeah... I'm sure they'll get on like a house on fire after that... in their team of two.

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By *mm_n_Zed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Fareham


"Take a witness and take notes of everything your manager says, have dated examples with witnesses, be polite but assertive and say you are formally asking for the behaviour to stop and that any future similar behaviour will be construed as bullying. Report it higher as well if you can. Get a union representative to go with you.

Yeah... I'm sure they'll get on like a house on fire after that... in their team of two."

^^^ this

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

some people can be very blunt and abrupt without realising it (my fella for example). If it is pointed out to him privately and without hysteria .. he does take on board the comments that have been made and tries to modify his behaviour accordingly. Although it was never intended to cause offence in the first place, he will take on board how others percieve his bluntness and matter of fact statements that he makes.

It may well be that your manager is of a similar personality and is not even aware that she is making you feel so unhappy and may welcome you telling her what alot of your predecessors never

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By *mm_n_Zed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Fareham


"some people can be very blunt and abrupt without realising it (my fella for example). If it is pointed out to him privately and without hysteria .. he does take on board the comments that have been made and tries to modify his behaviour accordingly. Although it was never intended to cause offence in the first place, he will take on board how others percieve his bluntness and matter of fact statements that he makes.

It may well be that your manager is of a similar personality and is not even aware that she is making you feel so unhappy and may welcome you telling her what alot of your predecessors never "

I'm hoping this is going to be the case - which is why I'm keeping it low key to begin with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

personaly i wouldnt take a witness just for the fact her back will be against the wall as soon as you mention her wrong doings infront of someone else, i wouldnt go above her too not without talking to her first as this cold possibly cause more confrontation, just be honest and polite chances are she doesnt realise what shes doing, if things dont get better then go to nxt in command, hope this helps. good luck x

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By *orkieMan
over a year ago

Who knows

Record the convo on your phone, if it goes tits up for you , tell her afterwards you have recorded it

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

I uphold your right to be sensitive and offended Emm. Just don't blame anyone else for how you feel.

Please do NOT take the advice given above to take witnesses in tomorrow and make accusations of bullying.

This is a serious accusation and is detrimental to the accused's career. Further , a unfounded accusation would lead to warnings for the accuser.

1. Decide to have a good day in work tomorrow.

2. Go to H.R and ask for the companies policy on Expectations of staff and grievance procedures. Should they enquire why you want them you are not at liberty to say until you have read said documents and made a decision as to whether you have a grievance.

3. Read the documents. Make a decision.

If you still want to go ahead then go to H.R and ask for a confidential meeting.

4. At that meeting, explain you need advice.

5. Describe the behaviours. Just the facts. Don't embellish or make accusations.

6. If the advice given indicates that your line manager is behaving unprofessionally ask for a 'team' , 'group' meeting. Whatever your place call it. Have a union rep there.(If you are in a union get their advice too ) If you are not in a union get someone impartial involved. Don't just accept whoever H.R. decide will do. Although they are usually fair.

7 Treat the meeting like a 'reconciliation' some kind of 'restorative' process meeting. You need to get on with your line manager. You should both be given the opportunity to speak without interuption or hassle.

8. Never forget that you could be at fault too. This will come out in meetings.

9. If none of the above helps Punch her fucking lights out and get another job.

Or learn to speak back professionally when she's in a strop and choose NOT to be offended. ..... helps in the long run

xx Good luck xx

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean


"Record the convo on your phone, if it goes tits up for you , tell her afterwards you have recorded it "

Sneaky , dishonest, punishable , not commendable.

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By *ittlebitWoman
over a year ago

Plymouth

Your line manager should know better. Wishing you luck.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thanks for all the advice guys. I've only been there a month and although I like the job, I just can't see me tolerating this person for very long regardless of what happens. I've already started looking for another job.

The last person lasted four months because of her and if/when I leave I'll be making sure HER line manager knows why.

I don't really want to go for the jugular and bring her line manager in just yet as I feel it'll only serve to make my working day intolerable (women can be such bitches). I'll try speaking to her informally and say how her talking down to me in public makes me feel and see where it goes from there."

The problem there is that they may know why there is a high turnover of staff but if she does a good job, they will do little about it, I know I have been myself in a previous employment. In my present day job there is a line manager who speaks to people like dirt, discusses confidential things so everyone can here and discusses staff with members of her team but she is quick to report you if you speak to her in a nasty way.

And in the pub job, no-one will care as a high turnover of staff is par for the course so no point in me reporting my boss and her partner for their behaviour

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Is there an HR specialist at work or a union representative you can speak to.

I would be wary going in with another work colleague at this stage, only a month in.

Seek guidance first if you can... Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/02/13 07:22:43]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 11/02/13 07:22:43]"

Ooops... Should've read the whole thread....

Good luck....!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd be asking why this woman acts like she does. Does she feel that her team of two should be a team of one and she uses intimidation to get a colleague she feels has been thrust upon her to move along? Is she just generally a person who cannot delegate and sees all underlings as unworthy of the tasks given to them? Or is she a classic example of someone who point scores by belittling others.

Personally, I'd have a quiet word in her shell like and leave her in no uncertain terms that any more of that behaviour could lead to a trip to A&E.

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

Maybe try to be a bit clever.....

I was in this position, so I went to the person I had a problem with, and told them I needed some advice.

I explained the situation, without actually telling them it was they that I had a problem with, and then, when they told me to report the person to management, I told them I didn't want to, adding that I just wanted someone to have a friendly word with then to kinda steer them in the right direction, obviously they then ask for a name, and that's when U looked them in the eye and said nothing... they suddenly clicked, and after a moments awkward silence they apologized and things were fine from then on.

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By *reenonionsMan
over a year ago

Nr Exeter

Can't believe no one asked....

How did it go?

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By *mm_n_Zed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Fareham

I had intended to get to work early so I could talk to her with nobody else around but I was diverted on the journey because of floods so by the time I got there, the place was full of kids - and there is then literally NO time when they aren't around so having a 'talk' is pretty much impossible.

I don't feel I can bring up an incident that happened on Friday when this much time has passed so I've decided to take direct action instead and point out to her at the time if she's talking down to me ...

a polite but firm 'I'd prefer it if you would talk to me in a more professional manner' may be more effective (especially if she's so set in her ways she doesn't even realise she's doing it). Of course it may also result in us having a toe to toe argument culminating in me punching her frikkin' lights out ... we'll see

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By *ittlebitWoman
over a year ago

Plymouth


"I've decided to take direct action instead and point out to her at the time if she's talking down to me ...

a polite but firm 'I'd prefer it if you would talk to me in a more professional manner' may be more effective (especially if she's so set in her ways she doesn't even realise she's doing it). Of course it may also result in us having a toe to toe argument culminating in me punching her frikkin' lights out ... we'll see "

Sounds like a good plan

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By *azzaahhWoman
over a year ago

north wales / chester

Im having this at the min ..spoke to boss who was waste of space now waiting for meeting with district manager..but can't get one until two week time so I'm emailing Instead..gonna be long email

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