FabSwingers.com forum: Reclaim sex

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Is it reinforcing the element of ownership in relationships?

‘You’re mine‘ ‘I let you sleep with other people’ etc?

By the way this is genuine- I was having this conversation and I wonder from a swinger’s perspective? As a poly person I do struggle with the wording so want to understand it more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a dominant thing, he plants his seed after his seed to be the superior seed.

We sow the seed, nature grows the seed and then we eat the seed.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

It's interesting, in most of our relationship there is no element of ownership, we do our own thing. Sexually though it defo comes into it - I wonder if it's because of the sub/dom dynamic we have? Reconnecting is probably a more accurate way of describing how it feels to me outwith that headspace.

Mrs TMN x

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By *ontWannaMissASwingCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

There's not an ownership element with us as we are both in this together and play as a couple so it's not really the case for us that one person is "letting" or "allowing" the other one to play. For us the reclaim sex is about reconnecting with each other after playing with others and the confirmation that even though we enjoy swinging, it's an extra to what we already have as a couple. Also we often chat about everything that happened on the way home from a meet or a club night and are usually pretty horny again by the time we get home.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

I occasionally use the term reclaim sex, but only because reconnecting sex is an unwieldy term and we've already talked out the weird ownership vibe in conversation previously.

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

I prefer reunion. I don't like the ownership undertones of reclaim.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle

I own all my sex

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Depends how you look at the dynamic of it.

Ownership is not all and entirely negative. It can have it's place in a partnership.

A man (or woman) reclaiming their position as the main sexual partner in their relationship. Mutually reclaiming. Not reclaiming the person as property.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Depends how you look at the dynamic of it.

Ownership is not all and entirely negative. It can have it's place in a partnership.

A man (or woman) reclaiming their position as the main sexual partner in their relationship. Mutually reclaiming. Not reclaiming the person as property. "

I missed out a few words that would expand here and there but you get the gist of it.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

"It's a dominant thing, he plants his seed after his seed to be the superior seed.

We sow the seed, nature grows the seed and then we eat the seed."

You eat your baby??

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

"You eat your baby??

I mean, someone’s got to. Right?

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Depends how you look at the dynamic of it.

Ownership is not all and entirely negative. It can have it's place in a partnership.

A man (or woman) reclaiming their position as the main sexual partner in their relationship. Mutually reclaiming. Not reclaiming the person as property. "

I like this explanation and I think that's probably how it's used a lot (when people aren't poly but are enm). I once had a ditsy mare want to have reclaim sex with my partner of the time. She was just a fb.

My dislike of the term definitely comes about from that incident.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I struggle with the wording too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There's not an ownership element with us as we are both in this together and play as a couple so it's not really the case for us that one person is "letting" or "allowing" the other one to play. For us the reclaim sex is about reconnecting with each other after playing with others and the confirmation that even though we enjoy swinging, it's an extra to what we already have as a couple. Also we often chat about everything that happened on the way home from a meet or a club night and are usually pretty horny again by the time we get home. "

This

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle

"Is it reinforcing the element of ownership in relationships?

‘You’re mine‘ ‘I let you sleep with other people’ etc?

By the way this is genuine- I was having this conversation and I wonder from a swinger’s perspective? As a poly person I do struggle with the wording so want to understand it more.

Being Poly is less to do with sex than it is with emotional attachment, caring etc ...

People are free to have sex with others in that poly family. No one owns your body or your sex and has no claim to it above other people.

Those type of problems usually come about when one of the partners in not poly or the person claiming to be poly simply means they want to do what ever they want WITH who ever they want.

That's not really poly as in general poly does not pick up 'incidentals' or randoms but has sex within their group , who are all known to each other ...

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Also, I will say so what!?

So what if it is about ownership. For some it might be, if that is their dynamic. It's what they both like and both enjoy. Both feel comfortable and themselves in using.

Just because it's questionable wording and outlook makes zero difference as long as it 1. Between consenting adults 2. Legal in all variations.

That's as a general so what, not directly to the OP and their question.

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

"Also, I will say so what!?

So what if it is about ownership. For some it might be, if that is their dynamic. It's what they both like and both enjoy. Both feel comfortable and themselves in using.

Just because it's questionable wording and outlook makes zero difference as long as it 1. Between consenting adults 2. Legal in all variations.

That's as a general so what, not directly to the OP and their question. "

This is a fair point. It's absolutely between the people in the relationship to decide which term suits them and their dynamic.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

For us, it's more about reconnecting, a kind of sexual debrief because we would probably talk about what had gone on with our non-mono sex thing, while doing the sex afterwards

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is it reinforcing the element of ownership in relationships?

‘You’re mine‘ ‘I let you sleep with other people’ etc?

By the way this is genuine- I was having this conversation and I wonder from a swinger’s perspective? As a poly person I do struggle with the wording so want to understand it more.

Being Poly is less to do with sex than it is with emotional attachment, caring etc ...

People are free to have sex with others in that poly family. No one owns your body or your sex and has no claim to it above other people.

Those type of problems usually come about when one of the partners in not poly or the person claiming to be poly simply means they want to do what ever they want WITH who ever they want.

That's not really poly as in general poly does not pick up 'incidentals' or randoms but has sex within their group , who are all known to each other ...

Not every poly person has a group nor do they have a polycule or a similar set up.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The answers provided have been useful. Especially reclaiming position. That makes sense

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Holibobs

Reclaim is one label for it, which is common for hotwives and hothusbands dynamics.

Compersion is how I see it, from a poly point of view. Celebrating that the person I love, has had a wonderful time with another person that they care about x

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By *ananas57Couple
over a year ago

lake ariel

I don’t care how it’s classified, sex with my hubby after I’ve had sex with someone else is great

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's a dominant thing, he plants his seed after his seed to be the superior seed.

We sow the seed, nature grows the seed and then we eat the seed."

Then what happens Neil?

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"Also, I will say so what!?

So what if it is about ownership. For some it might be, if that is their dynamic. It's what they both like and both enjoy. Both feel comfortable and themselves in using.

Just because it's questionable wording and outlook makes zero difference as long as it 1. Between consenting adults 2. Legal in all variations.

That's as a general so what, not directly to the OP and their question. "

At a guess, I'd say the wording could ring alarm bells with some relationships - as you say, if it's all consensual then crack on, but we know that's not the case in all relationships, even those which are ostensibly open. Putting this in a historical context in which married women were literally property not that long ago in terms of human history, and I think questioning the wording is understandable.

Mrs TMN x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's a dominant thing, he plants his seed after his seed to be the superior seed.

We sow the seed, nature grows the seed and then we eat the seed."

The science behind this is spot on.

The urge a man has to 'reclaim' is heavily led by this.

I'd say though, it can be to reclaim his place as the lover, or their relationship together.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's just meant to be another thing to look forward to.

Reconnecting sex works too.

I'm not sure the wording is meant to point to anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's a dominant thing, he plants his seed after his seed to be the superior seed.

We sow the seed, nature grows the seed and then we eat the seed.

Then what happens Neil?

Someone got it!

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By *asycouple1971Couple
over a year ago

midlands

Wife loves reclaim sex after a meet. She doesnt feel right unless shes had it she says so must be something about reclaim sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 28/08/23 17:18:36]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I actually love this but probably not in the standard sense of the word.

While I totally understand it for all the couples, I actually love the element of that when it's someone you see often. Not about ownership but about reconnection. The being back in the moments together. After all everyone's different and there's just something lovely about a familiarity, a closeness. Something that says, I absolutely still want you.

Yes please

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Reclaim is one label for it, which is common for hotwives and hothusbands dynamics.

Compersion is how I see it, from a poly point of view. Celebrating that the person I love, has had a wonderful time with another person that they care about x"

This is how I describe it as a person practising ENM.

For me, it’s a celebration of their excitement post physical intimacy with another person they share life with. As a nosy cow, I love hearing every last detail of their experience during said celebration. It is not a focus on one of us being put back into ‘focus’ or claiming the person. Perhaps that paints my view of it as antonymous of ownership.

In my opinion, this will vary largely based on the individual dynamic within the relationship as well. As a whole, in my relationships we have clear communication about a lack of ownership of individuals in terms of freedom to do what you wish with others because you own your own body rather than asking permission or being given the ability to make other connections. I reckon in hotwife/hothusband dynamics this would be more prevelent hence the label.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also, I will say so what!?

So what if it is about ownership. For some it might be, if that is their dynamic. It's what they both like and both enjoy. Both feel comfortable and themselves in using.

Just because it's questionable wording and outlook makes zero difference as long as it 1. Between consenting adults 2. Legal in all variations.

That's as a general so what, not directly to the OP and their question. "

Exactly this ...while to others the wording might be problematic. Long as the people who are in the dynamic know what it means to them and both consent. It really doesn't matter.

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By *DandcurvykittenCouple
over a year ago

Northants and London

We use both the term “reclaim” and “reconnect”. For us it’s used in the sense of when one, or both of us having sex with each other again after doing so with others outside of our relationship.

These encounters very much tend to be the most passionate between us both

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By *otwifecplCouple
over a year ago

bham

For us, the reclaim element is probably the best. After a club night, more often than not K would have been naughty. She'll say things like "bigger than you" or "as his cock was the last one inside me, technically my pussy is his". This drives me wild in a great way. The reclaim begins. To achieve a reclaim with a smaller cock is a challenge that means K is in for a hot time. Because of this she will often deny me entering her for days as she knows I'll keep pleasuring her until she needs me inside her.

In effect, an hour with a bull in a club means she will be pleasured for days

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By *asha86Couple
over a year ago

walsall

Perfect way to explain!

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

People tell me they are reclaiming their relationship - not everything is about ownership.

Pretty much every couple has told me that the reclaim sex is the best part because they show each other how much they love each other.

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By *olf and RedCouple
over a year ago

Nr Cardiff or at Chams Darlaston

Nothing about ownership for us, it’s just us reconnecting with each other. We will talk about what we’ve done with others. It gets us horny again, so naturally you want more sex with each other.

Red

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I can't say I've ever had it so I've no idea.

Think I'm missing out!

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I can't say I've ever had it so I've no idea.

Think I'm missing out!

Mrs "

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

We are showing our love for each other and making our connection even stronger.

No ownership - just bonding more.

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By *essicagraceWoman
over a year ago

birmingham

I'm poly so reclaim doesn't make sense. We have reconnection sex. Connecting with each other after we go do our own things.

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By *anted by NightMan
over a year ago

Shangri-La

I wouldn’t let any woman dictate me who I can or I can’t fuck or control me for that reason. For me it’s mutual respect and understanding. Not into mind games. It doesn’t do anything for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm poly so reclaim doesn't make sense. We have reconnection sex. Connecting with each other after we go do our own things. "

Yeah this makes more sense than literally reclaiming the person.

Depends on the relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have threesomes so it isn’t really reclaim sex. It’s just sex after a threesome. It is better somehow but I don’t think we’ve ever called it reclaim sex.

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By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

Not sure we would name it, but after we’ve been with others, and we have sex alone it it just that bit more passionate, and that bit more wanting to give and be taken by our other halves. Everything feels heightened and more electric - whatever people call it, we like it!

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By *sleWightCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Ryde

"We sow the seed, nature grows the seed and then we eat the seed."

"Cor, that looked just like a negative reality inversion".

"Yes, it did a bit..."

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By *oxesMan
over a year ago

Southend, Essex

"Also, I will say so what!?

So what if it is about ownership. For some it might be, if that is their dynamic. It's what they both like and both enjoy. Both feel comfortable and themselves in using.

Just because it's questionable wording and outlook makes zero difference as long as it 1. Between consenting adults 2. Legal in all variations.

That's as a general so what, not directly to the OP and their question. "

Is polyamerouse relationship just another name for swinging (relationship). I know swinging is a broad term in the modern day and many people who engauge in swinging activates may not call themselves as swingers.

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By *icolerobbieCouple
over a year ago

walsall

I see it as ownership even though we don’t do sub & dom.

After all, he’s my husband and I’m his wife.

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By *uzie69xTV/TS
over a year ago

Maidstone

Reconnecting 121 again ... more about BELONGING together rather than one owning the other.

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By *essicagraceWoman
over a year ago

birmingham

"Also, I will say so what!?

So what if it is about ownership. For some it might be, if that is their dynamic. It's what they both like and both enjoy. Both feel comfortable and themselves in using.

Just because it's questionable wording and outlook makes zero difference as long as it 1. Between consenting adults 2. Legal in all variations.

That's as a general so what, not directly to the OP and their question.

No, polyamory is having multiple emotional romantic relationships. Swinging is multiple sexual partners. Generally ethical non monogamy seems to be used as an umbrella for both but swinging is not necessarily non monogamous and there is romantic exclusivity in a lot of cases.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I’ve never really got it. When I swing as a couple we to just have a nice cuppa and giggle about what we’d done , far too tired to go again

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By *oxesMan
over a year ago

Southend, Essex

"Also, I will say so what!?

So what if it is about ownership. For some it might be, if that is their dynamic. It's what they both like and both enjoy. Both feel comfortable and themselves in using.

Just because it's questionable wording and outlook makes zero difference as long as it 1. Between consenting adults 2. Legal in all variations.

That's as a general so what, not directly to the OP and their question.

I thought what you mentioned above is poligomy. Poligomy was having multiple romantic relationships, a polgymist is someone who has multiple wives or husbands.

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By *essicagraceWoman
over a year ago

birmingham

I thought what you mentioned above is poligomy. Poligomy was having multiple romantic relationships, a polgymist is someone who has multiple wives or husbands. "

Nope. Poligomy isn't a word I'm afraid. Polygomy is marrying multiple people.

Polyamory is having multiple romantic relationships. Some people who are polyamorous may engage in polygomy but many don't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I thought what you mentioned above is poligomy. Poligomy was having multiple romantic relationships, a polgymist is someone who has multiple wives or husbands.

Nope. Poligomy isn't a word I'm afraid. Polygomy is marrying multiple people.

Polyamory is having multiple romantic relationships. Some people who are polyamorous may engage in polygomy but many don't. "

If you're going to correct someone's spelling should you check your own spelling first?

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By *essicagraceWoman
over a year ago

birmingham

I thought what you mentioned above is poligomy. Poligomy was having multiple romantic relationships, a polgymist is someone who has multiple wives or husbands.

Nope. Poligomy isn't a word I'm afraid. Polygomy is marrying multiple people.

Polyamory is having multiple romantic relationships. Some people who are polyamorous may engage in polygomy but many don't.

If you're going to correct someone's spelling should you check your own spelling first? "

I didn't? Just stated the word poligomy doesn't exist as poster used it in a different setting to polygamy so I thought they thought they were different words for different things.

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

Interesting viewpoints depending on the type of relationship people are in. I don’t see that there’s any right or wrong but whatever works for you.

This is all new to me as I’m not usually involved with someone but it was them that mentioned ‘reclaim sex’. To put it into context for us we do occasionally have a D/s scenario. I’m sure we’ll work out what’s right for us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we have a reconnection afterwards but doesnt have to involve sex, more the emotional reconnection and intimacy that we dont share with others.

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By *otwifecplCouple
over a year ago

bham

We class it as reclaim sex but not in an ownership kind of way. He knows I'm his and he is mine (as a couple) I am the only one who plays- hubby loves it. It is an intense love making session

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By *sleWightCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Ryde

"We class it as reclaim sex but not in an ownership kind of way. He knows I'm his and he is mine (as a couple) I am the only one who plays- hubby loves it. It is an intense love making session "

That's exactly how it is with us - word for word!

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By *ornyOAPMan
over a year ago

Fethiye

"We are showing our love for each other and making our connection even stronger.

No ownership - just bonding more.

Best answer so far

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Reconnecting 121 again ... more about BELONGING together rather than one owning the other."

Sounds lovely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You wot?

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By *tevesue2Couple
over a year ago

leeds

"I don’t care how it’s classified, sex with my hubby after I’ve had sex with someone else is great

Same here as per the classification, after the M has left our MFM fun, the reclaim interaction we have is simply amazing, by interaction I mean the hot sex x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not sure to be fair I like having her after for me I just think it's hot I don't really over think it tbf

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