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10 downing street shuld read this

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Has to be posted.. as i couldnt stop laughing!!

\______________­_______________­_______________­__

Letter to Mr. Cameron - Genius!!

Dear Mr. Cameron,

Please find below our suggestion for fixing the UK 's economy.

Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.

Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire.

Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed

2) They MUST buy a new British car.

Ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -

Housing Crisis fixed

4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/­university -

Crime rate fixed

5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/­tobacco a week .....

And there's your money back in duty/tax etc

It can't get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances

If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.

Also.....

Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.

This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.

They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.

They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.

They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.

Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.

Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.

There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay £600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.

Think about this (more points of contention):

COWS

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Appleby almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Cumbria?

And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

---------------­---------------­---------------­---------------­-----------

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Quality

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can't fault it. Totally makes sense

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Idealistic, simplistic nonsense.

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By *inky BunnyMan
over a year ago

Cardiff


"Can't fault it. Totally makes sense "

SUPERB! GIVE US MORE (FROM YOUR SOURCE)

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By *am123Man
over a year ago

essex chelmsford

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By *agna Cum LaudeMan
over a year ago

Laudable


"Idealistic, simplistic nonsense."
If the over 55s had access to their pension funds on a tax free basis to pay down debt and spend on non imported consumer goods there is no doubt that a multiplier effect would kick in. Simple ideas do often work!

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow


"Idealistic, simplistic nonsense."

Agreed, and no more workable than it was when it appeared (in $ and 'US cars') online c 2009.

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By *b430Man
over a year ago

Tayside


"Idealistic, simplistic nonsense."

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By *reenonionsMan
over a year ago

Nr Exeter

Apart from being a bit silly and unrealistic, I can't believe I read that to the end

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By *exy firemanMan
over a year ago

essex

this is from the Alan Sugar autobiography!!!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"this is from the Alan Sugar autobiography!!!!"
it might be mate I got it from face book

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fucking idiotic internet nonsense, and someone posted it the other week on here.

I think this originated from someone who can't do maths and thinks that 10 million times 1 million=10 million!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fucking idiotic internet nonsense, and someone posted it the other week on here.

I think this originated from someone who can't do maths and thinks that 10 million times 1 million=10 million!"

Agree, but it doesn't say anything about 10million x 1million being 10 million!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A light hearted bit of fun, made me smile on a dull Sunday morning.

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By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago

carrbrook stalybridge

love the idea of the british car what british car ? jag land rover and astra thats it

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By *b430Man
over a year ago

Tayside


"Fucking idiotic internet nonsense, and someone posted it the other week on here.

I think this originated from someone who can't do maths and thinks that 10 million times 1 million=10 million!

Agree, but it doesn't say anything about 10million x 1million being 10 million! "

Agree, but it infers that the Government can afford to pay 10million people a million pound each

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow


"love the idea of the british car what british car ? jag land rover and astra thats it "

Is Jaguar/ Land Rover actually British in any respect other than where the factories are?

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow


"......I think this originated from someone who can't do maths and thinks that 10 million times 1 million=10 million!

Agree, but it doesn't say anything about 10million x 1million being 10 million!

Agree, but it infers that the Government can afford to pay 10million people a million pound each"

That's more zeros than Pearl Harbor.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's bloody genius that is....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A light hearted bit of fun, made me smile on a dull Sunday morning.

"

+1

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is top , you'd get my vote lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's just a bit of Jackanory right up there with Jack and the Beanstalk or The Three Little Pigs.

It's a harmless giggle as long as no one takes it seriously.

It would be very easy to write an equally comedic riposte for this and I'm a little surprised nobody has bothered if it has indeed been going around networking sites for circa 3 years.

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow


".........

It's a harmless giggle as long as no one takes it seriously.

............. "

The problem is there ARE people who take such stuff seriously.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


".........

It's a harmless giggle as long as no one takes it seriously.

.............

The problem is there ARE people who take such stuff seriously."

Indeed....

But we're gettin used to ya now....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"......I think this originated from someone who can't do maths and thinks that 10 million times 1 million=10 million!

Agree, but it doesn't say anything about 10million x 1million being 10 million!

Agree, but it infers that the Government can afford to pay 10million people a million pound each

That's more zeros than Pearl Harbor."

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

10,000,000 x 1,000,000 = 10,000,000,000,000,

10 billion ?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

We found that much for the olympics

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The maths really doesnt work out at any level.

Jesus do people somewhere really think this would work?

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By *am123Man
over a year ago

essex chelmsford


"Fucking idiotic internet nonsense, and someone posted it the other week on here.

I think this originated from someone who can't do maths and thinks that 10 million times 1 million=10 million!"

is it not then?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"The maths really doesnt work out at any level.

Jesus do people somewhere really think this would work?

"

Do you think Jesus is listening ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fucking idiotic internet nonsense, and someone posted it the other week on here.

I think this originated from someone who can't do maths and thinks that 10 million times 1 million=10 million! is it not then? "

*starts counting on fingers*

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Fucking idiotic internet nonsense, and someone posted it the other week on here.

I think this originated from someone who can't do maths and thinks that 10 million times 1 million=10 million! is it not then? "

NO! 10 million times ONE pound is ten million pounds. Or ONE pound 10 million times ......

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

so you can give 10 million people ONE pound each or 10 people ONE million pounds each.

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By *kywatcherMan
over a year ago

Southwick


"10,000,000 x 1,000,000 = 10,000,000,000,000,

10 billion ?"

10,000bn or 10 trillion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The maths really doesnt work out at any level.

Jesus do people somewhere really think this would work?

Do you think Jesus is listening ?"

I hope so. We really need a comeback gig with loaves and fishes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"10,000,000 x 1,000,000 = 10,000,000,000,000,

10 billion ?"

Sadly not just 10 billion. It's 10 trillion. We used to say 1,000,0000 x 1, 000,000 was a billion but the banks didn't have enough fingers to count on so we adopted their way to help them. Nowadays a 1,000 x 1,000,000 is a billion. So there you go, all that global debt we worry about but really we're a thousand times better off than we thought! So why can't I afford a nice new car...?

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By *am123Man
over a year ago

essex chelmsford


"so you can give 10 million people ONE pound each or 10 people ONE million pounds each. "
i get that lol i was kidding

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

It is funny.... these things on a Sunday always make a Monday lunchtime interesting.... when you here somone actually trying to pass it off as a credible solution.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The maths really doesnt work out at any level.

Jesus do people somewhere really think this would work?

Do you think Jesus is listening ?

I hope so. We really need a comeback gig with loaves and fishes.

"

If you read the bible backwards its about a man sent to earth on a cross who is helped down by some romans and told to go on his way. He then travels the world making people blind and giving them leprosy. He even ruins a meal for a huge crowd by turning all their food into 2 fish and 5 loaves. He gets fewer followers as time goes by and in the end he's lying in a stable and 3 old men steal all his presents!!!

(he also turns wine into water which is unforgivable, so any sympathy I had is now lost)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The maths really doesnt work out at any level.

Jesus do people somewhere really think this would work?

Do you think Jesus is listening ?

I hope so. We really need a comeback gig with loaves and fishes.

If you read the bible backwards its about a man sent to earth on a cross who is helped down by some romans and told to go on his way. He then travels the world making people blind and giving them leprosy. He even ruins a meal for a huge crowd by turning all their food into 2 fish and 5 loaves. He gets fewer followers as time goes by and in the end he's lying in a stable and 3 old men steal all his presents!!!

(he also turns wine into water which is unforgivable, so any sympathy I had is now lost)"

I love that! Quality.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The maths really doesnt work out at any level.

Jesus do people somewhere really think this would work?

Do you think Jesus is listening ?

I hope so. We really need a comeback gig with loaves and fishes.

If you read the bible backwards its about a man sent to earth on a cross who is helped down by some romans and told to go on his way. He then travels the world making people blind and giving them leprosy. He even ruins a meal for a huge crowd by turning all their food into 2 fish and 5 loaves. He gets fewer followers as time goes by and in the end he's lying in a stable and 3 old men steal all his presents!!!

(he also turns winoe into water which is unforgivable, so any sympathy I had is now lost)

I love that! Quality. "

Jesus sounds like a politician now. Cancel the comeback tour. Can we get JLS?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

It was wrote by alan sugar and if you read the 1st bit were it says insted of giving billions away to other countrys etc ..... So yer it would cost billions to give all people over the age of 50 1 milliion each but we give it away to other countrys. So foir all you doubters out ther the maths does work

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"It was wrote by alan sugar and if you read the 1st bit were it says insted of giving billions away to other countrys etc ..... So yer it would cost billions to give all people over the age of 50 1 milliion each but we give it away to other countrys. So foir all you doubters out ther the maths does work "

I doubt we just 'give it away' to countries.... there's always some form of payback.

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow


"It was wrote by alan sugar and if you read the 1st bit were it says insted of giving billions away to other countrys etc ..... So yer it would cost billions to give all people over the age of 50 1 milliion each but we give it away to other countrys. So foir all you doubters out ther the maths does work "

Snopes, usually a good authority in such matters, reckons it first appeared in the St Petersburg Times on 8th Feb 2009.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

[Removed by poster at 10/02/13 17:24:28]

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Acc to Ox Dic.

n British English, a billion used to be equivalent to a million million (i.e. 1,000,000,000,000), while in American English it has always equated to a thousand million (i.e. 1,000,000,000). British English has now adopted the American figure, though, so that a billion equals a thousand million in both varieties of English.

The same sort of change has taken place with the meaning of trillion. In British English, a trillion used to mean a million million million (i.e. 1,000,000,000,000,000,000). Nowadays, it's generally held to be equivalent to a million million (1,000,000,000,000), as it is in American English.

So ..... tis a trillion .... even worse!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds about right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll take the million in April when I hit 50. not happy about being told what to spend it on. can't i just f uck off with it. and these ten million cars. where we gonna put em all?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"I'll take the million in April when I hit 50. not happy about being told what to spend it on. can't i just f uck off with it. and these ten million cars. where we gonna put em all?"

You only have to buy one of them.

If we force all the over 50s to buy a car then ban them from driving and force them to give their cars to the under 35's for the disabled that should free up the road space. Besides what do fifty year olds need to go out for ?

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow


" ... cars for the disabled ..........."

There's probably an EU Direcive against it but maybe there could be a rule insisting all vehicles supplied under the Motability scheme, funded by Disability Living Allowance, had to have been built in the UK.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Acc to Ox Dic.

n British English, a billion used to be equivalent to a million million (i.e. 1,000,000,000,000), while in American English it has always equated to a thousand million (i.e. 1,000,000,000). British English has now adopted the American figure, though, so that a billion equals a thousand million in both varieties of English.

The same sort of change has taken place with the meaning of trillion. In British English, a trillion used to mean a million million million (i.e. 1,000,000,000,000,000,000). Nowadays, it's generally held to be equivalent to a million million (1,000,000,000,000), as it is in American English.

So ..... tis a trillion .... even worse!"

On that basis 10m x £1m =

10,000,000 x 1,000,000 = 10,000,000,000,000 = £10trn

That's an awful lot of fags us smokers have to get through for the govt to recoup the money paid out - EVERY YEAR.

See, total bollocks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Has to be posted.. as i couldnt stop laughing!!

\______________­_______________­_______________­__

Letter to Mr. Cameron - Genius!!

Dear Mr. Cameron,

Please find below our suggestion for fixing the UK 's economy.

Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.

Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire.

Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed

2) They MUST buy a new British car.

Ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -

Housing Crisis fixed

4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/­university -

Crime rate fixed

5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/­tobacco a week .....

And there's your money back in duty/tax etc

It can't get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances

If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.

Also.....

Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.

This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.

They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.

They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.

They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.

Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.

Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.

There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay £600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.

Think about this (more points of contention):

COWS

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Appleby almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Cumbria?

And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

---------------­---------------­---------------­---------------­----------- "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Acc to Ox Dic.

n British English, a billion used to be equivalent to a million million (i.e. 1,000,000,000,000), while in American English it has always equated to a thousand million (i.e. 1,000,000,000). British English has now adopted the American figure, though, so that a billion equals a thousand million in both varieties of English.

The same sort of change has taken place with the meaning of trillion. In British English, a trillion used to mean a million million million (i.e. 1,000,000,000,000,000,000). Nowadays, it's generally held to be equivalent to a million million (1,000,000,000,000), as it is in American English.

So ..... tis a trillion .... even worse!

On that basis 10m x £1m =

10,000,000 x 1,000,000 = 10,000,000,000,000 = £10trn

That's an awful lot of fags us smokers have to get through for the govt to recoup the money paid out - EVERY YEAR.

See, total bollocks."

you'll have to up it a bit too. I've packed up

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By *lueeyes74Woman
over a year ago

Wigan

I hope you dont mind but i would like too share this

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow


".........That's an awful lot of fags us smokers have to get through for the govt to recoup the money paid out - EVERY YEAR.

See, total bollocks."

Even if all smokers were smoking duty paid fags/ baccy that's be a lot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I hope you dont mind but i would like too share this "

I wonder how many people have facebooked this and then had someone point out how ridiculous it is when the numbers don't add up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"love the idea of the british car what british car ? jag land rover and astra thats it "

Good try but jag is ford now x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fucking idiotic internet nonsense, and someone posted it the other week on here.

I think this originated from someone who can't do maths and thinks that 10 million times 1 million=10 million!"

Think you need to chill and realise not everything has to be taken seriously

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By *Ryan-Man
over a year ago

In Your Bush


"love the idea of the british car what british car ? jag land rover and astra thats it

Good try but jag is ford now x"

Have you been hibernating? Jaguar Land Rover is now Indian owned. Tata bought it in 2008

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fucking idiotic internet nonsense, and someone posted it the other week on here.

I think this originated from someone who can't do maths and thinks that 10 million times 1 million=10 million!

Think you need to chill and realise not everything has to be taken seriously "

Clearly some people ARE taking this seriously for it still to be doing the rounds. These misguided fools need to have it pointed out to them that jumping on a hysterical bandwagon often leads to it capsizing with all on board.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"love the idea of the british car what british car ? jag land rover and astra thats it

Good try but jag is ford now x

Have you been hibernating? Jaguar Land Rover is now Indian owned. Tata bought it in 2008"

Good grief never knew that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Vauxhall- American owned, Rolls Royce/Bentley, Aston Martin -German owned, jag/land rover- Indian owned, what's left?? Electric, water, gas, ect mostly German and French owned! Nuclear sold of to the japs!

No British train builders, we can't even profit from our own infrastructure projects as we will have to pay other countries to build run ect.... How did we end up like this and where are we heading??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Vauxhall- American owned, Rolls Royce/Bentley, Aston Martin -German owned, jag/land rover- Indian owned, what's left?? Electric, water, gas, ect mostly German and French owned! Nuclear sold of to the japs!

No British train builders, we can't even profit from our own infrastructure projects as we will have to pay other countries to build run ect.... How did we end up like this and where are we heading?? "

French own seven crossing and Spanish own Cardiff airport lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fucking idiotic internet nonsense, and someone posted it the other week on here.

I think this originated from someone who can't do maths and thinks that 10 million times 1 million=10 million!

Think you need to chill and realise not everything has to be taken seriously

Clearly some people ARE taking this seriously for it still to be doing the rounds. These misguided fools need to have it pointed out to them that jumping on a hysterical bandwagon often leads to it capsizing with all on board."

mixed metaphor of the week

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Um. And why has everyone missed the bit where it says the crime rate will be fixed if everyone goes to school/college/university?

Not all criminals are jimmy two-by-fours.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Idealistic, simplistic nonsense."

Very old, idealistic, simplistic nonsense!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fucking idiotic internet nonsense, and someone posted it the other week on here.

I think this originated from someone who can't do maths and thinks that 10 million times 1 million=10 million!

Think you need to chill and realise not everything has to be taken seriously

Clearly some people ARE taking this seriously for it still to be doing the rounds. These misguided fools need to have it pointed out to them that jumping on a hysterical bandwagon often leads to it capsizing with all on board.

mixed metaphor of the week "

Good weren't it? I'm quite proud of that one.

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