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Keeping illness secret

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Was watching an interview with Omid Djalili and they were talking about his mum's death and how she kept her cancer diagnosis secret for a long while.

Fortunately I have never faced that dilemma but a good friend of mine has told me it's the one thing we would fall out over, if it did happen and I didn't tell her.

Would you tell people or keep quiet to not cause fuss.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Keep it quite and spend time with the people I love the most in this world and when got bad disappear

With instructions how to find me when gone

I wouldn’t want them burned with my illness

I would want the to rember me as not ill

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on the prognosis. If it was something I could recover from I wouldn't tell my parents. I'd tell my brothers and kids. After that it's nobody else's business and the worst thing I can think of is being dragged into a pity party

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Depends on the prognosis. If it was something I could recover from I wouldn't tell my parents. I'd tell my brothers and kids. After that it's nobody else's business and the worst thing I can think of is being dragged into a pity party"

I have been in this situation when diagnosed with a hereditary heart condition. Told siblings so they could decide to get checked but no point telling parents.

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

If your ever ill people know. Speak to a Dr and you're walking over coals to have them listen, even take notes on what your symptoms are.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

Dad tried to keep stuff from us/me. Yeah, really didn't help anyone at all, I was still expected to pick up the pieces, of course. I just had less information and less time and sleep on which to do it.

Poor Dad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mum kept her illness a secret from us for almost 10 years. I didn’t find out until after she past away and it really hurt knowing she had lied for so long.

I can see why people do it but I wouldn’t keep something as serious as that from the people I care about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Keep it to myself and crawl under a bush..

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By *uri00620Woman
over a year ago

Croydon

Keep to self. My mum did, when she died no one had a clue (apart from my dad). I'd do that too.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

My mum was diagnosed with a heart condition in her late thirties. She didn't tell me. I worked as a Saturday girl in a supermarket, one tea break a friend of my mum's mentioned it in conversation. Tell your family of you're ill unless you can be 100% sure they won't find out.

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By *atalie..Woman
over a year ago

Bolton

I'd tell, so I vould do the bucket list thing and make awesome amazing memories with the one's I leave behind

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By *.L.0460.Woman
over a year ago

Bognor Regis

I think I'd keep it secret as long as I could, but ultimately, I'd want my son to have time to come to terms with it & be able to have any conversations he felt he needed to have.

At the end of the day, life is a terminal illness & we shouldn't have to end our days alone, for fear of impacting our loved ones. If you gave them the choice, I'm sure most would choose to know.

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By *lynJMan
over a year ago

Morden

Tell the people who matter to you.

No one else needs to know if you don't want them to.

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

I wouldn't tell anyone i don't dwell on illness and i don't or wouldn't want sympathy

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By *apnDomMan
over a year ago

London

I'd tell people.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

I can't see how I couldn't tell family, friends, work

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By *arkus1812Man
over a year ago

Lifes departure lounge NN9 Northamptonshire East not West MidlandsMidlands

My family and close friends are fully aware of my medical history as are readers of my profile on here.

Why try to hide it?

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By *unthum62Man
over a year ago

Benidorm

I have seen how people react to knowing a friend or loved one has a terminal diagnosis and personally I would not tell any one.

A good friend spent his last year constantly angry and frustrated by people making a big fuss and treating him like a baby.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"My family and close friends are fully aware of my medical history as are readers of my profile on here.

Why try to hide it?"

I wouldn’t share it here but I’d tell my close family and friends.

If someone I cared about was suffering, I’d absolutely want to know and support them until the end.

If you can’t share these kinds of burdens with friends, then they aren’t really friends.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I only told my mum when I was poorly because I needed some help getting to appointments, my thinking to keep it secret soon came to prove me right when she started stressing, telling everyone she could, making it into some sort of drama about her with little to zero compassion for me.

So I don't tell people, I tell the Mr that's it.

Sometimes being viewed as sick person that pitty look just isn't worth it, I'd rather people view me as me and not some illness.

Mrs

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think it's really down to the individual in the long run. If you're going to tell friends but not your nearly grown up kids just be sure that the friends know to keep their mouth shut.

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By *andycandy88Woman
over a year ago

Northolt


"My family and close friends are fully aware of my medical history as are readers of my profile on here.

Why try to hide it?

I wouldn’t share it here but I’d tell my close family and friends.

If someone I cared about was suffering, I’d absolutely want to know and support them until the end.

If you can’t share these kinds of burdens with friends, then they aren’t really friends."

That's right and it wouldn't be their burden to carry but our own

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By *andycandy88Woman
over a year ago

Northolt

A long term illness that can affect day to day activities is worth letting people know for safety measures more than looking for people to have empathy

If it's something that can be cured then best to keep it away from people you know what worry far too much than they need to.

That's my view on it xx

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By *assy69Man
over a year ago

West Sussex and Wales


"Was watching an interview with Omid Djalili and they were talking about his mum's death and how she kept her cancer diagnosis secret for a long while.

Fortunately I have never faced that dilemma but a good friend of mine has told me it's the one thing we would fall out over, if it did happen and I didn't tell her.

Would you tell people or keep quiet to not cause fuss. "

It is VERY selfish, but wouldn’t want anyone to know, I wouldn’t want the fuss or the pity or people trying to be nice that would normally not go out of their way to give me the time of the day ……… I’d hope I would fell guilty knowing that they’re going to have to grieve, perhaps without being able to make the final lifetime goodbyes, but I wouldn’t lose sleep over it ………. Maybe my views will change over time as I continue to edge ever closer to my meeting with the Grim Reaper

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitely depends on the illness

We've just buried a family member who had tests done 4 wks ago, stage 4 cancer, it's all very surreal at moment and still doesn't feel real.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Definitely depends on the illness

We've just buried a family member who had tests done 4 wks ago, stage 4 cancer, it's all very surreal at moment and still doesn't feel real.

"

I'm sorry to read that. It's a terrible shock in such a short time frame

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I only told my mum when I was poorly because I needed some help getting to appointments, my thinking to keep it secret soon came to prove me right when she started stressing, telling everyone she could, making it into some sort of drama about her with little to zero compassion for me.

So I don't tell people, I tell the Mr that's it.

Sometimes being viewed as sick person that pitty look just isn't worth it, I'd rather people view me as me and not some illness.

Mrs "
Totally understand the part about people you tell making it all about them. I’ve found when I needed assistance in the past (not illness related in this instance) the person I told made it all about them, would tell all and sundry what they’re doing to ‘help’ even if they weren’t particularly interested almost if expecting a medal. Hence me keeping most things to myself & all the better for it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Was watching an interview with Omid Djalili and they were talking about his mum's death and how she kept her cancer diagnosis secret for a long while.

Fortunately I have never faced that dilemma but a good friend of mine has told me it's the one thing we would fall out over, if it did happen and I didn't tell her.

Would you tell people or keep quiet to not cause fuss.

It is VERY selfish, but wouldn’t want anyone to know, I wouldn’t want the fuss or the pity or people trying to be nice that would normally not go out of their way to give me the time of the day ……… I’d hope I would fell guilty knowing that they’re going to have to grieve, perhaps without being able to make the final lifetime goodbyes, but I wouldn’t lose sleep over it ………. Maybe my views will change over time as I continue to edge ever closer to my meeting with the Grim Reaper "

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Think it depends.

I was in HDU at the beginning of Covid, with severe blood loss and internal bleeding. I told my sister but I didn't my mother. There was nothing they could do as it was like fort Knox in the hospital. And my mam lives alone, I didn't want her worrying with no support. She was not amused to say the least when I did tell her when I was in the clear. But has since come around and admits it was the right thing to do in the situation.

As with cancer diagnosis I think though it would hurt if someone didn't tell me. If it gave them more peace when trying to fight it then I'd accept they were doing what was best for them. In all honesty my hurt feelings are the least of their worries.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

It would be my secret, for me to deal with in my own way. I couldn't cope with everyone else's feelings over my illness

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

I don't know. The last time I was very poorly I told a handful of people. My experience surrounding it should mean I tell even less people but I don't know. I'd like to think I would still have faith and trust in people to be able to tell those closest to me.

I don't know. Part of me hates burdening people and also being vulnerable because it hurts more the more vulnerable you are. I can't really predict how I'll behave. Thoughtfully towards others but putting myself first hopefully

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Definitely depends on the illness

We've just buried a family member who had tests done 4 wks ago, stage 4 cancer, it's all very surreal at moment and still doesn't feel real.

"

Sorry for your loss

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks for the heartfelt replies.

For me it depends on the illness and the diagnosis. I am used to sharing with close friends but not as much with family.

One reason for not sharing would be fear of pressure to do something about it if something was doable. To me that should be my decision alone.

So far have never been in this situation and possibly never will. And if I was how I feel know may completely change.

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