FabSwingers.com forum: Microaggressions from macroorganisms

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Your obligatory Steve race thread. Some people think they come along way more than they actually do. This one isn’t even a race thread though thoughts on race have triggered it.

Anyway, recently I’ve been thinking about microaggressions and how hard it is to actually sometimes explain them. To me, they’re those things that you feel, those minor things, that make you just roll your eyes a bit. And they all add up to this feeling but when you talk about them people always discount them, suggest they never happened or suggest they’re not what you think they are. Many groups experience them. I am always trying to keep learning so I don’t unintentionally do them. I think I’ve done a few in the past and reading and listening to people actually teaches me so many things so I hopefully don’t anymore. Growth. From the where are you really froms, and the you speak so wells, to the I couldn’t tell you were gays, the you don’t look Jewishs, the when are you having a babys and the awwws seeing disabled people do literally anything. I see you.

Anyway no question here, just thoughts. Real deep fucking thoughts, eh?

Happy hump day to all those celebrating. X

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
over a year ago

chichester

Not something that ever enters my thought process tbh my brain is too busy on more pressing calculations generally

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Away for Christmas

It's too early for this shit

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Not something that ever enters my thought process tbh my brain is too busy on more pressing calculations generally "

Good for you tbf

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's too early for this shit "

It is but I can’t switch my brain off. Some people think about why chickens make the sounds they do and I think about stupid shit

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By *ormerWelshcouple2020Man
over a year ago

Stourbridge

Took me a long while to realise that I was adding to issues by making comments like those mentioned by Mr Pickle. I was guilty of talking to the carer not the the person, of uttering the he doesn’t act gay line etc , that was back in the 1980s mostly , I did learn from family experiences that it was wrong to do so. I do try to be a good person in general but we all make mistakes. I do make non PC jokes to my close friends who know my real feelings and that the humour(subjective) is lampooning the people who actually believe the shite I’m spouting.

I believe humour has wide boundaries, I dislike censorship in all but the most extreme cases(who is the arbiter of extreme?)

It’s an interesting subject.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I'm just going to focus on the Jewish and being black thing.

People before have really struggled with the idea that my dad is black and Jewish. Like those two things can't co-exist. No, they do. They really do.

That's slightly irksome but hey ho. :D

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By *educing_EmCouple
over a year ago

Tipperary

"They're your kids? Wow, you look so young..."

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I like to know where people are really from, because I find other countries and cultures interesting.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Medical professionals assuming my parents didn't have the capacity to understand what they were saying. People saying "well done" to me because I'm 66 and can walk a long way. That sort of thing?

My least favourite it "oh that's so sweet" when people see elderly couples holding hands. Go away with your patronising attitude.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I'm just going to focus on the Jewish and being black thing.

People before have really struggled with the idea that my dad is black and Jewish. Like those two things can't co-exist. No, they do. They really do.

That's slightly irksome but hey ho. :D"

Or Asian with a Scottish accent

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Medical professionals assuming my parents didn't have the capacity to understand what they were saying. People saying "well done" to me because I'm 66 and can walk a long way. That sort of thing?

My least favourite it "oh that's so sweet" when people see elderly couples holding hands. Go away with your patronising attitude. "

The well done one I can imagine

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By *eeliciouschaosWoman
over a year ago

Wherever

That’s really deep Steve.

Made me think, and no matter how much I’d like to not celebrating the hump day or whatever be my only problem today, I will always choose growth, and thank you for that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm just going to focus on the Jewish and being black thing.

People before have really struggled with the idea that my dad is black and Jewish. Like those two things can't co-exist. No, they do. They really do.

That's slightly irksome but hey ho. :D"

I can only imagine

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"I'm just going to focus on the Jewish and being black thing.

People before have really struggled with the idea that my dad is black and Jewish. Like those two things can't co-exist. No, they do. They really do.

That's slightly irksome but hey ho. :D

Or Asian with a Scottish accent

Yes! One of my favourite things to do is to go to a shop that's a bit more upmarket - you know clothing or makeup. Sometimes I'm ignored and then when a sales assistant hears me? Or spots one of my wanky bags and then hears my wanky voice?

It's like they can't do enough to help me. I always get really good samples and then leave without buying anything. Out of principle.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm just going to focus on the Jewish and being black thing.

People before have really struggled with the idea that my dad is black and Jewish. Like those two things can't co-exist. No, they do. They really do.

That's slightly irksome but hey ho. :D

Or Asian with a Scottish accent

It's like they can't do enough to help me. I always get really good samples and then leave without buying anything. Out of principle.

You speak so well Meli

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Medical professionals assuming my parents didn't have the capacity to understand what they were saying. People saying "well done" to me because I'm 66 and can walk a long way. That sort of thing?

My least favourite it "oh that's so sweet" when people see elderly couples holding hands. Go away with your patronising attitude.

The well done one I can imagine"

Yeah. Apparently I should accept it as a compliment

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

"I'm just going to focus on the Jewish and being black thing.

People before have really struggled with the idea that my dad is black and Jewish. Like those two things can't co-exist. No, they do. They really do.

That's slightly irksome but hey ho. :D

Or Asian with a Scottish accent

It's like they can't do enough to help me. I always get really good samples and then leave without buying anything. Out of principle.

"Big mistake. Big. Huge!"

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"I'm just going to focus on the Jewish and being black thing.

People before have really struggled with the idea that my dad is black and Jewish. Like those two things can't co-exist. No, they do. They really do.

That's slightly irksome but hey ho. :D

Or Asian with a Scottish accent

It's like they can't do enough to help me. I always get really good samples and then leave without buying anything. Out of principle.

You speak so well Meli

Aww Pickle! I just like having my Pretty Woman moments you know? Always been a childhood inspirational film of mine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The question "how are you still single"?

It's the assumption that freedom of choice isn't relevant and that there must be something wrong with you.

Which tbf there is

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"I like to know where people are really from, because I find other countries and cultures interesting.

But plenty of people who's heritage is from distant parts of the globe where born in this country and have never left. Even more than that, the emergence of these "DNA Ancestry" services have shown us that many people have ancestors from every corner of the globe, and don't even know about it.

Cal

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By *ormerWelshcouple2020Man
over a year ago

Stourbridge

"The question "how are you still single"?

It's the assumption that freedom of choice isn't relevant and that there must be something wrong with you.

Which tbf there is

Is it those pink splodges on your arm and leg? They do stand out to be fair……

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

As an Irish person living in England, I have experienced all sorts of things.

Sometimes it’s just curiosity and ignorance combining to a stupid question being asked, like is Dublin in England, is Ireland in Britain, and did I drive here (all true). In such cases, no harm is intended, and the same people would probably ask similarly daft questions to someone from another part of England or Britain. So do i take offence? No. Can be irritating, can be funny, but no point taking offence as it would take up too much of my time to no good end.

At the other end of the scale I once ended up running from elm knife-wielding football supporters (a London club), who were “looking for a paddy to slice”. Yes, I was quite offended at that one.

In between, there’s a sliding scale. The most offensive one was a former friend of mine telling me at brexit time that his view was that it was ok for people like me (law abiding, tax-paying, involved in community) to stay, but that no non-English person should have any say in how England is run, so I shouldn’t be allowed to vote.

That’s properly offensive. Someone saying my name wrong is just a bit irritating, nothing more.

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

"The question "how are you still single"?

It's the assumption that freedom of choice isn't relevant and that there must be something wrong with you.

Which tbf there is

“How are you still single” is sometimes intended as a compliment, telling the person they are a “catch”, and wondering how they haven’t been snapped up.

Clumsy at best …

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"I like to know where people are really from, because I find other countries and cultures interesting.

Cal"

I ask where their parents are from.

Seriously though, if someone talks about their heritage I'll ask questions, because I find the world and how we live fascinating.

What I don't want is to stir up feelings that may cause anguish to anyone.

I let them take the lead, because I don't know the circumstances behind them or their parents leaving their place of birth.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"It's too early for this shi"

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"The question "how are you still single"?

It's the assumption that freedom of choice isn't relevant and that there must be something wrong with you.

Which tbf there is

“How are you still single” is sometimes intended as a compliment, telling the person they are a “catch”, and wondering how they haven’t been snapped up.

Clumsy at best … "

I'm asked why I'm single quite often, and not just by strangers.

Some people say it in a different way but my answer is the same, "because I'm too lazy to maintain a relationship".

It doesn't offend or annoy me; probably because it's extremely difficult to offend or annoy me.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Perception is everything!

I don’t believe you can teach self awareness.

The part where you intuitively intercept, stop and re-align your thoughts only comes from sone kind of sustained meditative or spiritual disciplines

Your thoughts become your words & actions. If you think about people using labels rather than as individuals you will speak and act that way

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Microaggressions are hard to completely wipe out. Thank you for your admission that you have been guilty of them in the past. As you say education is the key but as you have seen from BBC threads there is a huge push back. As the mighty Oprah says when you know better you do better.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

"Medical professionals assuming my parents didn't have the capacity to understand what they were saying. People saying "well done" to me because I'm 66 and can walk a long way. That sort of thing?

My least favourite it "oh that's so sweet" when people see elderly couples holding hands. Go away with your patronising attitude. "

Damn but it is so sweet. I will try to never have this thought again. I think it's a massive achievement to still be with your partner decades down the line. Most people don't achieve it.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Medical professionals assuming my parents didn't have the capacity to understand what they were saying. People saying "well done" to me because I'm 66 and can walk a long way. That sort of thing?

My least favourite it "oh that's so sweet" when people see elderly couples holding hands. Go away with your patronising attitude.

Damn but it is so sweet. I will try to never have this thought again. I think it's a massive achievement to still be with your partner decades down the line. Most people don't achieve it. "

It's the 'sweet' that annoys me. It's a word used to describe two year olds holding hands.

I agree that it's a huge achievement to still be with your partner decades down the line but the elderly couple holding hands might have only met last week

We've been together about 42 years and we hold hands

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

"Medical professionals assuming my parents didn't have the capacity to understand what they were saying. People saying "well done" to me because I'm 66 and can walk a long way. That sort of thing?

My least favourite it "oh that's so sweet" when people see elderly couples holding hands. Go away with your patronising attitude.

Damn but it is so sweet. I will try to never have this thought again. I think it's a massive achievement to still be with your partner decades down the line. Most people don't achieve it.

It's the 'sweet' that annoys me. It's a word used to describe two year olds holding hands.

I agree that it's a huge achievement to still be with your partner decades down the line but the elderly couple holding hands might have only met last week

We've been together about 42 years and we hold hands

"
I’m probably slightly guilty of this

..If we see a elderly couple holding hands I will always say to my husband awww that’s sweet I hope we are like that when we are their age ..I will probably still say it but will leave out the word sweet

…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seeing an elderly couple holding hands warms my stone cold heart.

It reminds me that hope springs eternal

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

[Removed by poster at 16/08/23 10:04:09]

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Medical professionals assuming my parents didn't have the capacity to understand what they were saying. People saying "well done" to me because I'm 66 and can walk a long way. That sort of thing?

My least favourite it "oh that's so sweet" when people see elderly couples holding hands. Go away with your patronising attitude.

Damn but it is so sweet. I will try to never have this thought again. I think it's a massive achievement to still be with your partner decades down the line. Most people don't achieve it.

It's the 'sweet' that annoys me. It's a word used to describe two year olds holding hands.

I agree that it's a huge achievement to still be with your partner decades down the line but the elderly couple holding hands might have only met last week

We've been together about 42 years and we hold hands

I’m probably slightly guilty of this

…"

I understand. Why wouldn't you be like it when you're older? You'll still be the same people just in baggier skin

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me going to clubs recently, it's been the way men are spoken about and the feeling you shouldn't be there, but they use the old "you're one of the good ones" expecting me to be grateful they think that. Not sure if that counts as a micro aggression but it annoys the hell out of me when that happens

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Medical professionals assuming my parents didn't have the capacity to understand what they were saying. People saying "well done" to me because I'm 66 and can walk a long way. That sort of thing?

My least favourite it "oh that's so sweet" when people see elderly couples holding hands. Go away with your patronising attitude.

Damn but it is so sweet. I will try to never have this thought again. I think it's a massive achievement to still be with your partner decades down the line. Most people don't achieve it. "

There's an assumption that if two older people are holding hands they must have been together for years and it's so so so so sweet.

They could have met a week ago.

They could have just had car sex.

Although these are assumptions and biases that everyone makes ( bless them awwwwww ) it's still based on age.

Ageism in it's more serious form is illegal too .....

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

Most of my pet ones have been shared.

The disabled ones - in a hospital car park last week, whilst trying to put my wheelchair away (parked in a regular/narrow bay because no blue badge ones available), someone pulled up and asked me to close my driver's door, which was open across two spaces. I asked them to wait until I'd put the chair in the boot and got in. They (female) got out of the car and shouted at me "you shouldn't be out on your own, should you". The fact I can't walk unaided helped in her not having her nose rearranged. Too many people assume disabled people always have/need a carer, usually a substitute for providing proper access.

Assumptions about me as a parent because I'm in a wheelchair.

Assumptions that I can't be my son's mother because I don't look old enough, e.g. I went for a meal with him after a day out and the server put this bill in front of him and asked if he would "pay for his girlfriend". I said I was his mother and she nearly spontaneously combusted.

Assumptions about Mr KC, that he must be able to drive, that he is hard done to and brave and stuff for "putting up" with my disability. "Lots of husbands would just have given up and left, you know?"

Assumptions about my father and his (lack of) capacity to consent to pretty much anything.

Assumptions that I'm 100% bona fide white British, which I'm not. But I obviously look like.

Etc.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Seeing an elderly couple holding hands warms my stone cold heart.

It reminds me that hope springs eternal

Yeah .. usually she is trying to run away and he is stopping her cos he needs her to lead him to the pub as his sight is going and she's only there because he has half the house and just insists on still fucking breathing even after all this time, even though the sound of it drives her made and when they get home he storms upstairs and watches the snooker on a portable t.v. while she goes next door to margarets to watch love island and do each others hair.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is it intentional or just someone being a bit oblivious.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Seeing an elderly couple holding hands warms my stone cold heart.

It reminds me that hope springs eternal

Heartbroken

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Oh no Outsider........ Did I see your soul ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Seeing an elderly couple holding hands warms my stone cold heart.

It reminds me that hope springs eternal

Fuck. You just ruined my fairytale

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By *ehindHerEyesCouple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

I get exactly what you mean OP

It's a lack of validation from people. Just because they aren't living through that experience or feeling they dismiss it easily.

Maybe it's a lack of empathy maybe it uncovers a area they don't want to explore. Or maybe they have their own shit to deal with.

What ever is happening in your life is the most important thing regardless. If people can't listen then I just stop talking.

Marc

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Seeing an elderly couple holding hands warms my stone cold heart.

It reminds me that hope springs eternal

Fuck. You just ruined my fairytale

I just had to go n spoil it with a splodge of reality

I take it back. They are probably just holding each other up

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

pissed after a pub session

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I get exactly what you mean OP

It's a lack of validation from people. Just because they aren't living through that experience or feeling they dismiss it easily.

Maybe it's a lack of empathy maybe it uncovers a area they don't want to explore. Or maybe they have their own shit to deal with.

What ever is happening in your life is the most important thing regardless. If people can't listen then I just stop talking.

Marc"

Tbf I do consider stopping talking but now I don’t care about validation because when you know what it is you just know

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is it intentional or just someone being a bit oblivious. "

I think with microaggressions it’s sometimes either. The idea of microaggressions though isn’t about how they intend to make you feel it’s how they make you feel especially because they’re common sometimes and for some people they’re happening almost most days

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Seeing an elderly couple holding hands warms my stone cold heart.

It reminds me that hope springs eternal

Oí! My neighbour's name isn't Margaret

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

"Seeing an elderly couple holding hands warms my stone cold heart.

It reminds me that hope springs eternal

Seeing people holding hands and thinking “aw, that’s nice” … and someone gets offended by this!!! I give up …

I’m with you in this, enjoying little life moments like that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

‘Do you two know each other?’

‘You look like [insert Black person with the same haircut]’

Hair touching without permission when we are not close

‘You’re quite well spoken’

‘You’re a veggie? Don’t you miss Jerk Chicken’ - I had that one from someone that didn’t even know my family was from Jamaica

I was doing intermittent fasting, told someone I had done fasting before when it was being discussed and they said ‘oh of course you have, Ramadan!’

Followed string the supermarket STILL

‘Oh that’s a good uni isn’t it?

’

In football ‘pace and power’ or only comparing you to Black footballers. That one was funny and me and my friends all laugh about it.

These are the most common ones. Some like where are you really from I don’t get anymore thank goodness

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Most of my pet ones have been shared.

Assumptions about me as a parent because I'm in a wheelchair.

Assumptions about my father and his (lack of) capacity to consent to pretty much anything.

Assumptions that I'm 100% bona fide white British, which I'm not. But I obviously look like.

Etc."

I see you

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

"pissed after a pub session"

By 11am? Good effort!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Seeing an elderly couple holding hands warms my stone cold heart.

It reminds me that hope springs eternal

Seeing people holding hands and thinking “aw, that’s nice” … and someone gets offended by this!!! I give up …

I’m with you in this, enjoying little life moments like that. "

Nobody is offended. Being annoyed by something isn't the same as being offended.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Seeing an elderly couple holding hands warms my stone cold heart.

It reminds me that hope springs eternal

Seeing people holding hands and thinking “aw, that’s nice” … and someone gets offended by this!!! I give up …

I’m with you in this, enjoying little life moments like that.

Nobody is offended. Being annoyed by something isn't the same as being offended."

This x1000

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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

Lots of people are really comfortable with their sexuality, their race, their gender, their religion etc. etc

They lead happy lives and microaggressions are so small (as the name suggests) they don't let it trouble them.

Those that aren't comfortable with themselves look for them, latch on to them and blame others and their race, religion, sexuality or whatever for their unhappiness.

Accept yourself and others will too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lots of people are really comfortable with their sexuality, their race, their gender, their religion etc. etc

They lead happy lives and microaggressions are so small (as the name suggests) they don't let it trouble them.

Those that aren't comfortable with themselves look for them, latch on to them and blame others and their race, religion, sexuality or whatever for their unhappiness.

Accept yourself and others will too

But face enough of them and it all builds up. Death by a thousand cuts and all that

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Lots of people are really comfortable with their sexuality, their race, their gender, their religion etc. etc

They lead happy lives and microaggressions are so small (as the name suggests) they don't let it trouble them.

Those that aren't comfortable with themselves look for them, latch on to them and blame others and their race, religion, sexuality or whatever for their unhappiness.

Accept yourself and others will too

So if I accept I'm an old person in a long term relationship people will stop saying it's sweet when we hold hands?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lots of people are really comfortable with their sexuality, their race, their gender, their religion etc. etc

They lead happy lives and microaggressions are so small (as the name suggests) they don't let it trouble them.

Those that aren't comfortable with themselves look for them, latch on to them and blame others and their race, religion, sexuality or whatever for their unhappiness.

Accept yourself and others will too

"
Agreed

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Lots of people are really comfortable with their sexuality, their race, their gender, their religion etc. etc

They lead happy lives and microaggressions are so small (as the name suggests) they don't let it trouble them.

Those that aren't comfortable with themselves look for them, latch on to them and blame others and their race, religion, sexuality or whatever for their unhappiness.

Accept yourself and others will too

But face enough of them and it all builds up. Death by a thousand cuts and all that"

I think they are mostly annoying. They can be funny sometimes and on an individual level they can be just an eye roll.

What they are also is strangely unifying? Like on a thread like this or in a conversation with someone about work experiences I sometimes find myself like ha, I know that

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

"Seeing an elderly couple holding hands warms my stone cold heart.

It reminds me that hope springs eternal

Seeing people holding hands and thinking “aw, that’s nice” … and someone gets offended by this!!! I give up …

I’m with you in this, enjoying little life moments like that.

Nobody is offended. Being annoyed by something isn't the same as being offended."

Yeah I totally agree it’s just something I’ve never thought of before…Your never to old to learn something new

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Me personally, I don't view anything directed at me as a microagression.

I don't know why. Maybe because I didn't study psychology.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Most of my pet ones have been shared.

Assumptions about me as a parent because I'm in a wheelchair.

Assumptions about my father and his (lack of) capacity to consent to pretty much anything.

Assumptions that I'm 100% bona fide white British, which I'm not. But I obviously look like.

Etc.

I see you

I hear you

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

God where do I start.

Let's think of all the Welsh jokes I've had to endure. Particularly my accent in uni from students to being told if I wanted to be taken seriously I'd need to tone it down.

Oh you're a farmer, you're thick. Oh your great grandad was an orphan at 11 and had to work in the mines. Haven't your family done well.

Your mother and father got married at 17 because they were expecting you, aren't you cleaver for not making the same mistake. Wow thanks that one.

Have you got a temper as you are a redhead? Oh you have big boobs, bet you flash them to get your way all the time.

But the one that pisses me right off, do your kids have the same father (ones a redhead and one is blonde)?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"God where do I start.

Let's think of all the Welsh jokes I've had to endure. Particularly my accent in uni from students to being told if I wanted to be taken seriously I'd need to tone it down.

Oh you're a farmer, you're thick. Oh your great grandad was an orphan at 11 and had to work in the mines. Haven't your family done well.

Your mother and father got married at 17 because they were expecting you, aren't you cleaver for not making the same mistake. Wow thanks that one.

Have you got a temper as you are a redhead? Oh you have big boobs, bet you flash them to get your way all the time.

But the one that pisses me right off, do your kids have the same father (ones a redhead and one is blonde)?

Grim grim grim stuff. Some of these I’ve heard like the redhead ones and the big boobs ones. It’s like people think they’re being so original and funny but you hear these things so often you just think

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"God where do I start.

Let's think of all the Welsh jokes I've had to endure. Particularly my accent in uni from students to being told if I wanted to be taken seriously I'd need to tone it down.

Oh you're a farmer, you're thick. Oh your great grandad was an orphan at 11 and had to work in the mines. Haven't your family done well.

Your mother and father got married at 17 because they were expecting you, aren't you cleaver for not making the same mistake. Wow thanks that one.

Have you got a temper as you are a redhead? Oh you have big boobs, bet you flash them to get your way all the time.

But the one that pisses me right off, do your kids have the same father (ones a redhead and one is blonde)?

Urgh

Sending cwtches, Frida.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"God where do I start.

Let's think of all the Welsh jokes I've had to endure. Particularly my accent in uni from students to being told if I wanted to be taken seriously I'd need to tone it down.

Oh you're a farmer, you're thick. Oh your great grandad was an orphan at 11 and had to work in the mines. Haven't your family done well.

Your mother and father got married at 17 because they were expecting you, aren't you cleaver for not making the same mistake. Wow thanks that one.

Have you got a temper as you are a redhead? Oh you have big boobs, bet you flash them to get your way all the time.

But the one that pisses me right off, do your kids have the same father (ones a redhead and one is blonde)?

It's is a massive

And I kind of do get it, that people will comment when you've done better than you are expected to do. I think in the main it's to keep you in a neat box. You're from a deprived background so you should stay there. Sod that I wanted more.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"God where do I start.

Let's think of all the Welsh jokes I've had to endure. Particularly my accent in uni from students to being told if I wanted to be taken seriously I'd need to tone it down.

Oh you're a farmer, you're thick. Oh your great grandad was an orphan at 11 and had to work in the mines. Haven't your family done well.

Your mother and father got married at 17 because they were expecting you, aren't you cleaver for not making the same mistake. Wow thanks that one.

Have you got a temper as you are a redhead? Oh you have big boobs, bet you flash them to get your way all the time.

But the one that pisses me right off, do your kids have the same father (ones a redhead and one is blonde)?

Urgh

Sending cwtches, Frida. "

Again Mrs KC I've had negative feedback about my accent. Think I should start marking them on theirs, though I'd probably get the sack

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"God where do I start.

Let's think of all the Welsh jokes I've had to endure. Particularly my accent in uni from students to being told if I wanted to be taken seriously I'd need to tone it down.

Oh you're a farmer, you're thick. Oh your great grandad was an orphan at 11 and had to work in the mines. Haven't your family done well.

Your mother and father got married at 17 because they were expecting you, aren't you cleaver for not making the same mistake. Wow thanks that one.

Have you got a temper as you are a redhead? Oh you have big boobs, bet you flash them to get your way all the time.

But the one that pisses me right off, do your kids have the same father (ones a redhead and one is blonde)?

Urgh

Sending cwtches, Frida.

Again Mrs KC I've had negative feedback about my accent. Think I should start marking them on theirs, though I'd probably get the sack

Bollocks to whoever is slating your accent! It has naff all to do with your professional abilities. I'll run over their toes for you

Keep on being bloody ace in academia, Frida

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"God where do I start.

Let's think of all the Welsh jokes I've had to endure. Particularly my accent in uni from students to being told if I wanted to be taken seriously I'd need to tone it down.

Oh you're a farmer, you're thick. Oh your great grandad was an orphan at 11 and had to work in the mines. Haven't your family done well.

Your mother and father got married at 17 because they were expecting you, aren't you cleaver for not making the same mistake. Wow thanks that one.

Have you got a temper as you are a redhead? Oh you have big boobs, bet you flash them to get your way all the time.

But the one that pisses me right off, do your kids have the same father (ones a redhead and one is blonde)?

Urgh

Sending cwtches, Frida. "

Are you Welsh Kinky ?

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"God where do I start.

Let's think of all the Welsh jokes I've had to endure. Particularly my accent in uni from students to being told if I wanted to be taken seriously I'd need to tone it down.

Oh you're a farmer, you're thick. Oh your great grandad was an orphan at 11 and had to work in the mines. Haven't your family done well.

Your mother and father got married at 17 because they were expecting you, aren't you cleaver for not making the same mistake. Wow thanks that one.

Have you got a temper as you are a redhead? Oh you have big boobs, bet you flash them to get your way all the time.

But the one that pisses me right off, do your kids have the same father (ones a redhead and one is blonde)?

Urgh

Sending cwtches, Frida.

Again Mrs KC I've had negative feedback about my accent. Think I should start marking them on theirs, though I'd probably get the sack

Bollocks to whoever is slating your accent! It has naff all to do with your professional abilities. I'll run over their toes for you

Keep on being bloody ace in academia, Frida

Blinking students I tell you! I do my best Mrs KC

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"God where do I start.

Let's think of all the Welsh jokes I've had to endure. Particularly my accent in uni from students to being told if I wanted to be taken seriously I'd need to tone it down.

Oh you're a farmer, you're thick. Oh your great grandad was an orphan at 11 and had to work in the mines. Haven't your family done well.

Your mother and father got married at 17 because they were expecting you, aren't you cleaver for not making the same mistake. Wow thanks that one.

Have you got a temper as you are a redhead? Oh you have big boobs, bet you flash them to get your way all the time.

But the one that pisses me right off, do your kids have the same father (ones a redhead and one is blonde)?

Urgh

Sending cwtches, Frida.

Are you Welsh Kinky ?"

By birth, yes. Born in N.Wales but we emigrated to England when I was 5 or 6. I can't remember exactly!

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"God where do I start.

Let's think of all the Welsh jokes I've had to endure. Particularly my accent in uni from students to being told if I wanted to be taken seriously I'd need to tone it down.

Oh you're a farmer, you're thick. Oh your great grandad was an orphan at 11 and had to work in the mines. Haven't your family done well.

Your mother and father got married at 17 because they were expecting you, aren't you cleaver for not making the same mistake. Wow thanks that one.

Have you got a temper as you are a redhead? Oh you have big boobs, bet you flash them to get your way all the time.

But the one that pisses me right off, do your kids have the same father (ones a redhead and one is blonde)?

Urgh

Sending cwtches, Frida.

Again Mrs KC I've had negative feedback about my accent. Think I should start marking them on theirs, though I'd probably get the sack

Bollocks to whoever is slating your accent! It has naff all to do with your professional abilities. I'll run over their toes for you

Keep on being bloody ace in academia, Frida

Blinking students I tell you! I do my best Mrs KC "

Students are the bane of my life right now

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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

"Lots of people are really comfortable with their sexuality, their race, their gender, their religion etc. etc

They lead happy lives and microaggressions are so small (as the name suggests) they don't let it trouble them.

Those that aren't comfortable with themselves look for them, latch on to them and blame others and their race, religion, sexuality or whatever for their unhappiness.

Accept yourself and others will too

So if I accept I'm an old person in a long term relationship people will stop saying it's sweet when we hold hands?"

My point exactly - you clearly see this as an aggression, many won't.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"Lots of people are really comfortable with their sexuality, their race, their gender, their religion etc. etc

They lead happy lives and microaggressions are so small (as the name suggests) they don't let it trouble them.

Those that aren't comfortable with themselves look for them, latch on to them and blame others and their race, religion, sexuality or whatever for their unhappiness.

Accept yourself and others will too

I disagree, I think it's the people who point out your differences are the unhappy ones. I'm totally think I'm awesome for doing as well as I have, and overcoming massive obstacles. And I bloody love my accent, it sounds like my grandparents and I love that. But it doesn't mean it isn't tiresome when people take the Mick out of it, or deal with others presumptions about me.

There is nothing positive from those who say microaggresive things. They're only built to pull people down. And in general I can only think it's due to jealousy.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Lots of people are really comfortable with their sexuality, their race, their gender, their religion etc. etc

They lead happy lives and microaggressions are so small (as the name suggests) they don't let it trouble them.

Those that aren't comfortable with themselves look for them, latch on to them and blame others and their race, religion, sexuality or whatever for their unhappiness.

Accept yourself and others will too

So if I accept I'm an old person in a long term relationship people will stop saying it's sweet when we hold hands?

My point exactly - you clearly see this as an aggression, many won't."

Got it! Because other people think it's ok I must accept it. Good to know

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By *lay 4 your plessureMan
over a year ago

Wigan

From my own experience, sometimes it's difficult to separate micro aggressions, good intentions or just plain naivety. Something that happens to me a lot is people seeing me on crutches and asking what I've done, when I tell them I use them because of ilness/disability and not because of injury they'll ask more questions, I often have to explain that there's no known cures or meaningful treatments to help me, the medical world doesn't fully understand the causes let alone how to treat it yet. All I can do is live with it to the best of my abilies and hope that there's a breakthrough in research eventually. They'll either listen and sympathise or they'll come out with all the usual "helpfulness" of you need to try this that or the other which I already know are of no help or even detrimental to my health. Even those who listen will enevitably leave with the warm words of "well I hope you get better soon". I know it's said with good intentions but it still makes me angry after telling them I'm not going to get better any time in the near future.

Are the people thinking they are more knowledgeable and pushing their "helpful" suggestions using micro aggression or do they think they're being genuinely helpful? Are the hope you feel better brigade being insensitive or just trying to be nice? My answers to those depends a lot on my frame of mind at the time. Not all the little things that I get offended by are always intentional even though they sometimes feel like it.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think a lot of the time people just don't know what else to say and feel they have to say something.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

I've had them all my life, but I'm still surprised when virtual strangers think it's ok to make fat jokes.

And apparently jokes about Welsh people aren't racist because I hear them publicly from people who I know wouldn't joke about other ethnicities.

However, they don't really bother me as much as "oh, you don't look autistic."

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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

"Lots of people are really comfortable with their sexuality, their race, their gender, their religion etc. etc

They lead happy lives and microaggressions are so small (as the name suggests) they don't let it trouble them.

Those that aren't comfortable with themselves look for them, latch on to them and blame others and their race, religion, sexuality or whatever for their unhappiness.

Accept yourself and others will too

So if I accept I'm an old person in a long term relationship people will stop saying it's sweet when we hold hands?

My point exactly - you clearly see this as an aggression, many won't.

Got it! Because other people think it's ok I must accept it. Good to know"

Someone said something similar to us a few weeks ago, we took it as someone appreciating our affection and didn't give it a second thought. If you want to take it as an act of aggression, you do you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh no Outsider........ Did I see your soul ?"

What soul?

I was sad they don't do portable tellies anymore.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Lots of people are really comfortable with their sexuality, their race, their gender, their religion etc. etc

They lead happy lives and microaggressions are so small (as the name suggests) they don't let it trouble them.

Those that aren't comfortable with themselves look for them, latch on to them and blame others and their race, religion, sexuality or whatever for their unhappiness.

Accept yourself and others will too

So if I accept I'm an old person in a long term relationship people will stop saying it's sweet when we hold hands?

My point exactly - you clearly see this as an aggression, many won't.

Got it! Because other people think it's ok I must accept it. Good to know

Someone said something similar to us a few weeks ago, we took it as someone appreciating our affection and didn't give it a second thought. If you want to take it as an act of aggression, you do you."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Medical professionals assuming my parents didn't have the capacity to understand what they were saying. People saying "well done" to me because I'm 66 and can walk a long way. That sort of thing?

My least favourite it "oh that's so sweet" when people see elderly couples holding hands. Go away with your patronising attitude.

Damn but it is so sweet. I will try to never have this thought again. I think it's a massive achievement to still be with your partner decades down the line. Most people don't achieve it.

It's the 'sweet' that annoys me. It's a word used to describe two year olds holding hands.

I agree that it's a huge achievement to still be with your partner decades down the line but the elderly couple holding hands might have only met last week

We've been together about 42 years and we hold hands

That's so sweet

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Medical professionals assuming my parents didn't have the capacity to understand what they were saying. People saying "well done" to me because I'm 66 and can walk a long way. That sort of thing?

My least favourite it "oh that's so sweet" when people see elderly couples holding hands. Go away with your patronising attitude.

Damn but it is so sweet. I will try to never have this thought again. I think it's a massive achievement to still be with your partner decades down the line. Most people don't achieve it.

It's the 'sweet' that annoys me. It's a word used to describe two year olds holding hands.

I agree that it's a huge achievement to still be with your partner decades down the line but the elderly couple holding hands might have only met last week

We've been together about 42 years and we hold hands

That's so sweet

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By *astandFeistyCouple
over a year ago

Bournemouth

Not everything has to be some sort of 'aggression'. Sometimes, things really are as innocent as they seem on the face of it.

Some people look for 'offence', it's just the society we live in unfortunately.

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin

"I've had them all my life, but I'm still surprised when virtual strangers think it's ok to make fat jokes.

And apparently jokes about Welsh people aren't racist because I hear them publicly from people who I know wouldn't joke about other ethnicities.

However, they don't really bother me as much as "oh, you don't look autistic." "

Welsh isnt an ethnicity or a race. Its a nationality.

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin

"Not everything has to be some sort of 'aggression'. Sometimes, things really are as innocent as they seem on the face of it.

Some people look for 'offence', it's just the society we live in unfortunately."

Careful now, or you'll be accused of a 'microaggression' by saying that

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By *astandFeistyCouple
over a year ago

Bournemouth

"Not everything has to be some sort of 'aggression'. Sometimes, things really are as innocent as they seem on the face of it.

Some people look for 'offence', it's just the society we live in unfortunately.

Careful now, or you'll be accused of a 'microaggression' by saying that"

I get accused of a lot worse round here, I'll live

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"I've had them all my life, but I'm still surprised when virtual strangers think it's ok to make fat jokes.

And apparently jokes about Welsh people aren't racist because I hear them publicly from people who I know wouldn't joke about other ethnicities.

However, they don't really bother me as much as "oh, you don't look autistic."

Welsh isnt an ethnicity or a race. Its a nationality. "

Good for you.

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

"From my own experience, sometimes it's difficult to separate micro aggressions, good intentions or just plain naivety. Something that happens to me a lot is people seeing me on crutches and asking what I've done, when I tell them I use them because of ilness/disability and not because of injury they'll ask more questions, I often have to explain that there's no known cures or meaningful treatments to help me, the medical world doesn't fully understand the causes let alone how to treat it yet. All I can do is live with it to the best of my abilies and hope that there's a breakthrough in research eventually. They'll either listen and sympathise or they'll come out with all the usual "helpfulness" of you need to try this that or the other which I already know are of no help or even detrimental to my health. Even those who listen will enevitably leave with the warm words of "well I hope you get better soon". I know it's said with good intentions but it still makes me angry after telling them I'm not going to get better any time in the near future.

I can completely imagine what a pain it is having those approaches and conversations, and how awkward the conversations must get when people are trying to find something nice to say and end up blurting out “I hope you get better soon”, when you have already explained that that is not going to happen.

I ended up in that situation recently when I bumped into a friend of mine who was on 2 walking sticks (fit as a flea the previous time i had seen her). I struggled to think of what to say at the end of the conversation and can easily see how I could have said get well soon and then walked off kicking myself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think we've come to a stage in society where people need to speak less and listen more. Being naive, from a certain generation or just plain ignorant isn't an excuse anymore.

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

"I think we've come to a stage in society where people need to speak less and listen more. Being naive, from a certain generation or just plain ignorant isn't an excuse anymore. "

Unfortunately, that veers into people being so cagey and scared of causing offence that they end up saying nothing.

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

"I think we've come to a stage in society where people need to speak less and listen more. Being naive, from a certain generation or just plain ignorant isn't an excuse anymore.

Unfortunately, that veers into people being so cagey and scared of causing offence that they end up saying nothing. "

It really doesn't.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I think we've come to a stage in society where people need to speak less and listen more. Being naive, from a certain generation or just plain ignorant isn't an excuse anymore.

Unfortunately, that veers into people being so cagey and scared of causing offence that they end up saying nothing. "

I'd suggest that those people have an inkling that what they want to say isn't acceptable. I also think that a lot of people assume that if someone disagrees or challenges what they've said they've taken offence. That isn't always the case, disagreement and questioning what someone had said isn't the same as being offended

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think we've come to a stage in society where people need to speak less and listen more. Being naive, from a certain generation or just plain ignorant isn't an excuse anymore.

Unfortunately, that veers into people being so cagey and scared of causing offence that they end up saying nothing. "

How? Just be a decent person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To alleviate microagressions would be to santise all personality from any individual. When attuned to them, we can discern a great deal about another individuals underlying thoughts and motivations, giving us precious understanding and insight moving forward in our relationship with them. Remember that you give them away as well, so people are using them to get to know you too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've become more aware of microagressions from people I've talked to here and also my family & friends. Hopefully I wasn't too much of an arsehole beforehand.

My dad is disabled - when I'm out with him people often speak to me as though he's a toddler. He's got 3 degrees and hasn't lost any brain cells!

My friend with Parkinson's. My kids with autism. I rage internally every time someone treats them like they're stupid.

But I know that those in the situation receiving the glances and the knowing looks and the assumptions and more - you can't afford to get angry every time. Because that would be exhausting over years.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I think it's sweet when couples walk along holding hands. I love public displays of affection, they make my soul sing. I'm not judging whether those people have been together 5 minutes or 50 years, I just love to see affection.

I'm curious about people, and although I wouldn't ask a stranger about their heritage I'd ask a friend, or someone I'm in conversation with, if the subject matter was appropriate. I get asked where I'm really from all the time... for some reason a lot of people seem to think I'm an Aussie

and not only that, in the West Country there are a lot of people who aren't "from" here. Even when they were born here... their parents moved here. So it's interesting to know. I do get that it's more emotive for people who are non Caucasian maybe, but perhaps rather than thinking that people are being racist, consider that they may just be asking because they're nosey feckers. And reply with "don't be a nosey fecker" if you think they're being a dick?

I've been told I shouldn't be using a disabled toilet because I can walk and don't look disabled, been told that if I can walk at all I don't need a wheelchair. Been talked about rather than to when I am in a wheelchair. That's all other people's ignorance and it pisses me off, but I don't have the energy to get annoyed any more. Let them fester in their ire if they choose to.

Actual aggression and arseholery are very real and all over the place, and often aimed at people for a variety of reasons... or excuses. Micro aggressions... they're just like annoying gnats. If we all batted them off as such we would find ourselves a fair bit more chill. But then that's just my opinion, and some could take it as a set of micro aggressions, or as white privilege I guess. Before anyone does, though, I'd like to point out that while that may be true, there are a lot of situations in which i don't have privilege.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I’m coming back to add in the constant assumptions that I smoke [redacted] or that I’m a smoker. People have asked me if I know where to get drxgs etc but not asked friends of mine. Curious. People acting shocked that (until April this year) I’d never touched [redacted]. This one comes from all kinds of people - people think because my family is from Jamaica that we grow up with the stuff instead of a dummy.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"I think we've come to a stage in society where people need to speak less and listen more. Being naive, from a certain generation or just plain ignorant isn't an excuse anymore.

Unfortunately, that veers into people being so cagey and scared of causing offence that they end up saying nothing. "

Being grown up and thoughtful usually works best.

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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago

Redhill

I’ve been in England for 17 years and I get a lot of that “where are you from?” Fair enough, as I am really not from here… then things about South America (Google “North America” and you might be surprised!) and things like Mexico is really westernised now (LMAO dude/dudette, we are far more western than over here- check a map?

) but most of the time they are remarks that show interest and fascination so I am happy to indulge them.

Interestingly enough, my 3 kids are a Hispanic/White British mix- the 3 of them look like me and have my colours and not once have they been asked “where they are REALLY from”. My middle one who is quite tanned was bullied a couple of times at school but once he sprung to 6’4” in year 8 those runty bullies stayed out of his way…

What I love about the UK is how diverse it is. There is still work to be done and room for growth, of course.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I think thank you firstly Posh for sharing. And I again think so many of us experience microaggressions and so many of us are privileged in many ways (myself ofc included).

I would say though that the where are you from thing is mostly annoying after a time because it just reinforces the idea that you’re not *really* from here even when you’re born here and your parents are born here and your grandparents have been here since they were children. I don’t think that’s the intention but that’s what it feels like often for me and others I’ve spoken to about it. The idea that you don’t belong here is also reinforced when we see the talk of taking away citizenship and palming people off to become the responsibility of countries they’re not born in or have not been to ever or since they were small.

Also I agree microaggressions are like gnat bites. There’s a great video that compares them to mosquito bites. And you can bat them away and we all do usually bat them away but it’s exhausting having to when you get them so often. And I think it’s ok to be annoyed by them. I never used to be bothered by half of them when I was younger but now, there’s been hundreds/ thousands of the experiences it is a little bit annoying. I am generally chill about them though. I usually leave it and then rant to people that get it and that are supportive. And they do the same.

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By *eeliciouschaosWoman
over a year ago

Wherever

I commenting again just to say I’m learning so much from this thread.

I’ve been on both sides and often totally unaware but I have a much better understanding now.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"I think thank you firstly Posh for sharing. And I again think so many of us experience microaggressions and so many of us are privileged in many ways (myself ofc included).

I'd agree with that Pickle.

I would also say I hope you find it easier to chill about the gnats as time goes by, as an old, old person I can say if you don't, you'll end up in a worse place

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think thank you firstly Posh for sharing. And I again think so many of us experience microaggressions and so many of us are privileged in many ways (myself ofc included).

I'd agree with that Pickle.

I would also say I hope you find it easier to chill about the gnats as time goes by, as an old, old person I can say if you don't, you'll end up in a worse place "

Yeah man you’re OLD

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"I think thank you firstly Posh for sharing. And I again think so many of us experience microaggressions and so many of us are privileged in many ways (myself ofc included).

I'd agree with that Pickle.

I would also say I hope you find it easier to chill about the gnats as time goes by, as an old, old person I can say if you don't, you'll end up in a worse place

Yeah man you’re OLD "

True story

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