FabSwingers.com forum: Giving it a chance...

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.

How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

For most internet random people, just 1

I'm not a fan of people who are incapable of sticking to a straightforward plan

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Id check the cow scenario and if true accept it , anything else I'd give 1 shot

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
over a year ago

Staffordshire

It’s a moo point.

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By *os_GoddessofdawnWoman
over a year ago

In the clouds

Probably just 1

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Stand me up and I block. Give me an excuse in plenty of time and we can rearrange.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.

How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?"

I don't give second chances anymore. Someone would really have to go some to get a second chance. But I usually block after the first.

But I've stopped bothering with any of it for the most part anyway.

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By *uckmonkeyMan
over a year ago

devon

Depend if i really wanted to meet them….probably no more than three but I’m trusting…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.

How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?"

Not as unlikely as it seems hitting a cow however anyone and everyone gets only one chance with me, if they fail to attend a second arrangement they’re dead to me haha

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

Depends on the excuse and if I believe it or not, the train I could Google to check delays if there was some if rebook if not then I'd block.

In usually a 3 strikes and your out, unless it's an obvious lie then I wouldn't go past 1.

Mrs

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By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

I'm happy to give people chances.

But of course it depends on how interested in them I am and how they go about letting me down.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

The most common last minute cancellation I get isn’t bovine, it’s childcare issues. Which is easy to be sympathetic about.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"For most internet random people, just 1

I'm not a fan of people who are incapable of sticking to a straightforward plan"

Random people. Yes, there's a difference if they're friends or family, I imagine most of us are more... I want to say lenient but not sure that's the right word!

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"It’s a moo point."

Boom.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Away for Christmas

[Removed by poster at 13/08/23 11:10:51]

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Away for Christmas

All varies. How long have we been chatting? How well do I know them?

If it's been a briefish pre contact then I'm less forgiving, though I will give second chances. Shit happens and gets in the way.

It would be mighty hypocritical of me to slam somebody with a "ban hammer" if I suddenly have to cancel/whatever for a valid excuse but expect them to be okay with it if I had to do the same.

But going back to how well and extensive the pre meet stuff has gone, multiple chances are given, usually because I know more about their hectic life or how honest they are - okay we don't truely know how honest anyone really is but you get what I'm saying. I have a better feel for somebody I've interacted with through messages and forum over weeks/months/years than I do for somebody who just popped up a few days ago.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.

How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?"

One chance only.

Same goes for me, i play fair.

I believe , what gets done to us by others,is what we allow them to do.

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

Depends on how well we've been clicking beforehand. I'd probably plan any future social around already needing to go to town though, so it's not a wasted trip when they forget they need to walk their parrot

LvM

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.

How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?

I don't give second chances anymore. Someone would really have to go some to get a second chance. But I usually block after the first.

But I've stopped bothering with any of it for the most part anyway. "

Ah this is Fab related, yes? Blocking is sensible I think. Hard to do sometimes but if it's not happening, why prolong things?

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

It's dependant on a few different factors.

How invested am I already? Completely new person might get a second chance if I was really keen before the flake, longer term relationships more likely to get more leeway depending on the dynamics.

How much do I really care about that last minute cancel? If it turns out I'm genuinely not bothered about a last minute flake, I'm probably not bothered about rearranging it either.

Is this a pattern? Was the back of my brain more waiting to hear the excuse than my forebrain was excited to see them?

Is the reason valid? Reasonable? Communicated at an acceptable time in the circumstances?

I tend to be more forgiving than I should. More than once I've realised that when I should have been excitedly getting ready to go meet someone I was half heartedly going through the essentials just in case it did happen and really just dreading the eventual "Sorry I can't make it." I'm trying to get a bit more of a backbone on that one.

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

I think it depends on how they are afterwards too. If they are still the interesting and interested person as before, I’m more open.

I thought cows ate grass rather than leaves? There are always leaves on the line, I think they import them in springtime

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Depend if i really wanted to meet them….probably no more than three but I’m trusting…"

It's not a bad thing to be trusting though. I think it's a lovely trait. Sure, it can be naive at times but I don't know. I'm going to try and keep my trusting nature and not become cynical (although healthy cynicism isn't a bad thing blah blah blah).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is a ghosting worth a chance. No

Or catfishes

No.

I simply have no qualms in second or third chances op.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.

How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?

Not as unlikely as it seems hitting a cow however anyone and everyone gets only one chance with me, if they fail to attend a second arrangement they’re dead to me haha

Cows can cause serious disruptions to the best cocktail plans. It happens. Then you're stuck on a train for almost two hours hoping they believe you.

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.

How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?"

Next time it happens to you let me know i don't even like coffee but I'll come .

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

Lots of variables, but I'm usually pretty easy going. Life happens.

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By *issIrishCoffeeWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

I don't give second chances anymore

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People here can make excuses for not meeting. Are they feasable? Do you trust people here enough to believe their cock and bull, op?

Think the train guy had a cowslip moment and udderly did not want cream pie

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

I'm a three strikes and you're out person.

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth

Life happens and we get it! If people stay in touch we're happy to wait till the time is right to meet

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By *orillaman32Man
over a year ago

Christchurch

Love it

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By *ent in BlackMan
over a year ago

Silsden

"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.

How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?"

That will be on the local travel news. If so it’s a genuine reason and I’d be happy to re arrange, however if it’s not a true story I’d block them as they can’t tell the truth.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m quite understanding and happy to give them a second chance, unless it’s a ridiculous excuse for cancelling.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.

How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?"

How is the cow ?

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.

How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?"
No that happened to me once 4 and a half hours later but luckily i had made the date quite a lot later so was about half an hour late but was in contact with her and i didn't have a date but again a cow had got on the line but we were on the train that first spotted it so they shut the line down after we had gone past it

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By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.

How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?

How is the cow ?"

It was hit by a train... the cow now occupies 100ft of railway

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

If she is a 'fickle flake fuckwit' with a potential tendancy to waste my time then just one chance. That's one more chance than she deserves because, being a hopeless romantic, I live with eternal hope.

If she's a lady of substance then I would give her equal proportions of courtesy and chances.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Really depends on the realship with sed person and what sed person means to me

For instance sister she could cancel plans on me a billion times and I still be there at a moments notice

If say it was a friend maybe the first 4-5 times then maybe have to sit down and have a talk with them ither in person over the phone or by text explaining that that’s the 4th time they cancelled on me and that I am not ok with it and that we can still be friends but feel we not as close as we were so maybe little time apart ie I leave you alone for a month or 2 then random text you to see how things are and if you like a catch up if no text back or missed again it’s ok I get the hint we drifted apart as friends that’s ok I still say hello if I see you in social settings or passing or in the supermarket but don’t be calling me up asking for a favour like can I dog sit while your out on a hot date or something

Fwb would maybe give them 2-3 chance but also make it clear to them that I was also seeing other people so they get the hint look if your not bang me chris will be over doing the job

If it’s just a FB then 1s in a blue moon I understand things crop up so can be forgiven but you missed one plans better not miss the next 6-7 plans or it’s on to the next

First meet / one night stand deal

1 chance and 1 only miss it I never set up another chance again

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By *uliette500Woman
over a year ago

Hull

If they have messaged to let me know why they can't attend I'll give them another chance. If they are a no show with no contact they've blown all their chances.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Depends on the excuse and if I believe it or not, the train I could Google to check delays if there was some if rebook if not then I'd block.

In usually a 3 strikes and your out, unless it's an obvious lie then I wouldn't go past 1.

Mrs "

Why is it three? Three strikes and out is something I believe in but why the number three? It's a bit random isn't it?

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By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

"Depends on the excuse and if I believe it or not, the train I could Google to check delays if there was some if rebook if not then I'd block.

In usually a 3 strikes and your out, unless it's an obvious lie then I wouldn't go past 1.

Mrs

Why is it three? Three strikes and out is something I believe in but why the number three? It's a bit random isn't it? "

It's baseball thing I think

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I'm happy to give people chances.

But of course it depends on how interested in them I am and how they go about letting me down.

Yes. How it's handled is a big thing isn't it? If Bob cancelled last minute and then you found out they were fucking Marg, you might be less than amused.

I think how invested we are in something definitely plays in to how we feel about it.

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

I would give two chances, I’ve had to cancel in the past so completely understand that things don’t always go according to plan, but I wouldn’t be happy making arrangements that never work out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tbh if they’ve got as far as being on a train that’s hit a cow, could they not wait to be rescued and get the next train? Depends on the excuse I suppose, if it’s half arsed I wouldn’t bother again but if it sounds believable and they’re making arrangements soon I’d say yes

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By *ack688Man
over a year ago

abruzzo Italy (and UK)

I think it would be in direct proportion to how much I wanted to meet them, some people would get way more opportunities to stand me up than others

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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago

Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds

"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.

How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?"

Just the one unless I like them.

I'd give you a few Meli.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.

How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?"

Situation dependent. Some I'd give multiple chances, some only 1.

I've let you down for a coffee multiple times and don't deserve any more chances.

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By *iercedItMan
over a year ago

North West

I was once stuck outside city centre, there was multi road works and sat nav just kept taking me from 1 roadworks to another roadworks without getting me to the location. I even asked a cop and he gave me like 5 minutes of directions which I forgot haha.

I was talking both phone and text and sending pics of the stuff I was dealing with. So crazy stuff can happen, I guess If the person's story is totally random and seems unlikely, I'm 3 strikes and out, the 3rd strike I'm not putting all the effort in like I do for the first.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"All varies. How long have we been chatting? How well do I know them?

If it's been a briefish pre contact then I'm less forgiving, though I will give second chances. Shit happens and gets in the way.

It would be mighty hypocritical of me to slam somebody with a "ban hammer" if I suddenly have to cancel/whatever for a valid excuse but expect them to be okay with it if I had to do the same.

Ah you're really quite rational Kai, I do enjoy reading your posts.

Yes, life does happen and I think when it does, we'd all like to think others would be more forgiving of us.

I think the more you know and understand someone, the more you're going to give them chances. Probably because you care more. They're more fleshed out if that makes sense?

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.

How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?

How is the cow ?

It was hit by a train... the cow now occupies 100ft of railway

Erm... the cow didn't make it. My friendship with the person I cancelled last minute on it? Yep. It's good. I'm hoping they read this and can laugh about the first awful experience.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"Depends on the excuse and if I believe it or not, the train I could Google to check delays if there was some if rebook if not then I'd block.

In usually a 3 strikes and your out, unless it's an obvious lie then I wouldn't go past 1.

Mrs

Why is it three? Three strikes and out is something I believe in but why the number three? It's a bit random isn't it? "

Yeah I guess so but plans change, emergencies happen, family happens, friends happen all which I'd priorities over a meet if needed, so I get it only if I believe they genuinely couldn't make it, after a few times then no I'm done, my time is precious I won't have it wasted.

It's probably because of the saying but if it was 1 excuse I didn't believe it knew was a lie they wouldn't get another 2 chances.

Mrs

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

One chance only! Nowadays! Of course there will b situations but think most of the cancel and reschedule are just excuses not to meet at that time for whatever reason so just move on these days x

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By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

None il blow it up way before the meet stages

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By *weetCherryWoman
over a year ago

London

As of recently I have given too many opportunities to someone that has proven to not deserve them…so, back to my usual bitchy self and not giving second chances

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"As of recently I have given too many opportunities to someone that has proven to not deserve them…so, back to my usual bitchy self and not giving second chances

You're not being a bitch if you're protecting yourself Cherry. That's really important to know. It's good to break destructive patterns of behaviour, x

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By *weetCherryWoman
over a year ago

London

"As of recently I have given too many opportunities to someone that has proven to not deserve them…so, back to my usual bitchy self and not giving second chances

You're not being a bitch if you're protecting yourself Cherry. That's really important to know. It's good to break destructive patterns of behaviour, x"

Thank you Meli, hopefully I will not fall into those again. I really need to start practicing self preservation

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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

If they keep me update showing good communication & I really do fancy them

yeah will give them a second chance! I value my time no more chances after that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

None. To the Gulag!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Any comments made in discussion that isn’t it for me, bye. Flake on me once, bye.

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

As long as it sounds plausible, I'll happily give people one chance.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"You're meeting someone for coffee but their train has hit a cow. Unlikely isn't it? It happens though.

How many chances do you give to people? Whether it's behaviour you don't like, cancelling coffees etc. Where do you draw the line? Is there a line or is it more situational?

Situation dependent. Some I'd give multiple chances, some only 1.

I've let you down for a coffee multiple times and don't deserve any more chances. "

I've been racking my brain and I don't think you have! Don't worry.

Multiple times would make my face scrunch up a bit and I'd probably go for coffee with someone else though.

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By *icola2202Couple
over a year ago

Chatham

The story wether it be true or not made me chuckle. Sounds like a cop out. We're all adults why can't people just be honest.

If you ain't interested then you ain't it's that simple.

Mrs

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By *eeliciouschaosWoman
over a year ago

Wherever

Came to comment mostly on the cow and train situation.

It actually happened to me when I was on the train going back home from visiting my sister in different town.

The train was held for hours while the situation was “dealt” with. Kind of.

Second chances? I have given a few, but those were the people I wanted to meet probably more than they wanted to meet me.

Never again.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

Always a second chance but that's it ..

Tbf I usually know if it's an excuse anyway but I think a second chance is fair ..

After that , nah , bye

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

We'd give a 2nd chance of we thought the excuse was reasonable

We wouldn't give a third ever though.

Miss

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

My special friends can cancel as may times as they need.

Cuppa socials I only arrange when I'm free for an hour, and I'd be going there anyway, so it's no loss if they have to cancel

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