FabSwingers.com forum: Fixing yourself up

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Does anyone else feel they need to sort a load of things about themselves before they are ready to start meeting?

I'm not looking for a therapy session, honest. I just wondered if others felt that they wouldn't be "fit to meet" without losing weight, or toning up, having therapy, get a haircut - whatever, really!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t hide who I am so to speak. Always ask for a video call first and then there’s no surprises if it goes to a meet

I have to sort out what I am really looking for. Work and life balance is awful

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Goodness me no. I’m happy how I am

and I think that comes through!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don’t hide who I am so to speak. Always ask for a video call first and then there’s no surprises if it goes to a meet

I have to sort out what I am really looking for. Work and life balance is awful "

I didn't mean hiding. I meant feeling that you have to meet a certain level before you're ok to meet people.

It is hard to find what you want if you can't describe it. I know what you mean.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t hide who I am so to speak. Always ask for a video call first and then there’s no surprises if it goes to a meet

I have to sort out what I am really looking for. Work and life balance is awful

I didn't mean hiding. I meant feeling that you have to meet a certain level before you're ok to meet people.

It is hard to find what you want if you can't describe it. I know what you mean. "

But that’s kind of what I mean. I am happy as I am. Yes lose a couple of pounds here or there but I’m happy. If I wasn’t happy I wouldn’t try and meet anyone

I was told once when you look in the mirror the only person you have to like is the reflection

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Omg yes. This is probably my biggest hang up with actually arranging a meet. Be it losing a bit more weight or my skin is having an outbreak or a thousand other reasons why next month I might be more attractive for someone. Dont know how I can get out of my head on this one

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

If you're not happy with who you are and how you look that's definitely something that you should work on. Especially if it's enough to stop you from doing the things you want to do because you feel unworthy or not good enough.

Therapy is good but expensive. There's some free CBT resources online that help a lot of people, I think the Australian government provided one is the one most people who've benefitted from CBT that I know have recommended.

The meets I've had since learning to love myself have been much more fulfilling for me. But that doesn't mean I shouldn't have been meeting at all before that point.

But, if you're lowering your standards or settling for less than you want because you think you can't get or don't deserve better, at least just think what you'd tell your best friend if she was going into that situation

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don’t hide who I am so to speak. Always ask for a video call first and then there’s no surprises if it goes to a meet

I have to sort out what I am really looking for. Work and life balance is awful

I didn't mean hiding. I meant feeling that you have to meet a certain level before you're ok to meet people.

It is hard to find what you want if you can't describe it. I know what you mean.

But that’s kind of what I mean. I am happy as I am. Yes lose a couple of pounds here or there but I’m happy. If I wasn’t happy I wouldn’t try and meet anyone

I was told once when you look in the mirror the only person you have to like is the reflection "

I don't understand the mirror comment?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Omg yes. This is probably my biggest hang up with actually arranging a meet. Be it losing a bit more weight or my skin is having an outbreak or a thousand other reasons why next month I might be more attractive for someone. Dont know how I can get out of my head on this one

Yes, this is me! Some small reasons. A few big ones. I can't get out of my head either. But I don't think it's a good perspective.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not at all OP, we are who we are and if it's not good enough for the other(s), then so be it. Life goes on and remember, we're ALL special.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If you're not happy with who you are and how you look that's definitely something that you should work on. Especially if it's enough to stop you from doing the things you want to do because you feel unworthy or not good enough.

The meets I've had since learning to love myself have been much more fulfilling for me. But that doesn't mean I shouldn't have been meeting at all before that point.

I've had lots of therapy. Including CBD twice. None of it helped me love myself, I'm afraid. I have lowered my standards in the past here and elsewhere. I recognise that. I am avoiding meeting people at present (not that there is a queue!).

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does anyone else feel they need to sort a load of things about themselves before they are ready to start meeting?

When is ever anybody ready!

Sure after some breakups we all need time to regroup and postion then go again.

Many over think,the flow comes from action.

Try not to control everything.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

No because nobody is nearly as critical of ourselves as we are. Men worth meeting will be happy that you are a nice person. I am far from a beauty but I've rarely not had a man want to meet me again.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Does anyone else feel they need to sort a load of things about themselves before they are ready to start meeting?

When is ever anybody ready!

Sure after some breakups we all need time to regroup and postion then go again.

Many over think,the flow comes from action.

Try not to control everything. "

I haven't had a breakup.

I haven't said anything about control.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"No because nobody is nearly as critical of ourselves as we are. Men worth meeting will be happy that you are a nice person. I am far from a beauty but I've rarely not had a man want to meet me again. "

I'm not a nice person I guess. I've had multiple men not want to meet me again. And ghost.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not a nice person I guess. I've had multiple men not want to meet me again. And ghost. "

It happens to everyone. It’s not a reflection on you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm not a nice person I guess. I've had multiple men not want to meet me again. And ghost.

It happens to everyone. It’s not a reflection on you. "

No, I don't think it happens to everyone. Once or twice seems like it's not a reflection. More than that - I'd have to say there must be a problem .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I wonder if others have felt like they're not up to scratch previously - what they did to overcome that?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

I'm not a nice person I guess. I've had multiple men not want to meet me again. And ghost. "

Negative energy tends to put people off. If you're so critical of yourself it'll likely bleed into how others think of you when they spend time with you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I warn men before I meet that they aren't getting a glamour puss.

I haven't had my hair dyed in ages because of one thing or another and rarely use make up.

I'm old and lazy, but I love sucking a nice cock

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

I think you definitely have to be in the right frame of mind. Meeting anyone while you're not feeling 100% is never a good idea.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"I wonder if others have felt like they're not up to scratch previously - what they did to overcome that? "

Nothing. I had a bath, shaved my legs, trimmed my pubes and put something comfy on.

He didn't seem to care.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm not a nice person I guess. I've had multiple men not want to meet me again. And ghost.

Negative energy tends to put people off. If you're so critical of yourself it'll likely bleed into how others think of you when they spend time with you."

That's probably true.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think you definitely have to be in the right frame of mind. Meeting anyone while you're not feeling 100% is never a good idea. "

I'm not. Haven't all year. I was just interested in others' experiences

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"I wonder if others have felt like they're not up to scratch previously - what they did to overcome that? "

Yes I did. I couldn't fathom how anyone would find me attractive. Or want to spend time with me. I felt very undateable. Unfuckable.

So I took some time out from meeting people. Joined a gym. Started doing yoga again. Eating food that was good for me but also made me happy. Started to put energy in to looking after and caring for myself again because no one else can do that for me; spending time caring for my hair, nails, skin.

Along the way I remembered how happy I can be. Found some confidence in myself again.

I realised that it wasn't so much about my outer appearance. It was how I felt in myself.

I'm now in a place where this weekend I'll be meeting someone deliciously attractive for the first time. And I'm happier in myself. Sure, sometimes I have little wobbles (more oft than not brought on by others words). I'm far happier and more comfortable self than I was a couple of months ago. I think that's showing and I'm planning on embracing myself and meeting people once more now.

I hope that, when you're ready to, you're able to OP. x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ooo wonderful your wrong you are beautiful

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tylebender03Man
over a year ago

Manchester

Fix up, look sharp

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

"I think you definitely have to be in the right frame of mind. Meeting anyone while you're not feeling 100% is never a good idea.

I'm not. Haven't all year. I was just interested in others' experiences "

I'm definitely the same. I just take a bit of time away from it all.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

Yes. I'm not match fit right now.

Not physically, though that's always a work in progress, but more about finding my missing mojo. It'll turn up, but won't meet (other than socially) until I've found it.

Bring on the coffee dates...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't compete with anyone on here so I don't. Thankfully enough people will fuck a damp loaf so I don't need to improve in any way.

I am the winner- I'm shagging a hot person and they are shagging a damp loaf..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

God no, I'm happy fucking away as I am. Life is way to short for proscinating

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Agreed

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ady CurvaceousWoman
over a year ago

Kent

Yes. I didn't meet for all of last year because I hated the way I looked. I had a broken knee and was on crutches for 11 months but used that as an excuse not to meet, when I could have. I made a massive change in April both physically and mentally and have been working on myself ever since. I'm not happy with how I look right now so I'm not as body confident in real life as I'd like to be, but I'm learning to like myself more, accept and believe the compliments (to a degree) that I get from guys and just get on with enjoying my Fab life. I've had a really great couple of months and enjoyed myself immensely, I can't believe I allowed my self consciousness about how I look to prevent me from doing what I want to do

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I wonder if others have felt like they're not up to scratch previously - what they did to overcome that?

Nothing. I had a bath, shaved my legs, trimmed my pubes and put something comfy on.

He didn't seem to care.

That would be ok with someone I'd met before. Was that someone you knew?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Away for Christmas

Mostly more of it being just a case of being bothered to, and having the energy for other people.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I wonder if others have felt like they're not up to scratch previously - what they did to overcome that?

Yes I did. I couldn't fathom how anyone would find me attractive. Or want to spend time with me. I felt very undateable. Unfuckable.

Along the way I remembered how happy I can be. Found some confidence in myself again.

I realised that it wasn't so much about my outer appearance. It was how I felt in myself.

I hope that, when you're ready to, you're able to OP. x

I'm very surprised you'd feel that way when you've someone who loves you, Meli - I think I make too many assumptions, don't I? I'm glad you found some energy and care for yourself. It comes across in the way you post, for sure. I'm aware that I sometimes bring my negative energy here.

I've taken the rejections from men I cared about to heart. It's quite difficult to see value when it's quite clear others don't. But life is about bouncing back isn't it?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes. I'm not match fit right now.

Not physically, though that's always a work in progress, but more about finding my missing mojo. It'll turn up, but won't meet (other than socially) until I've found it.

Bring on the coffee dates..."

Perhaps you will find your missing mojo in one of those coffee dates, YOLO!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I wonder if others have felt like they're not up to scratch previously - what they did to overcome that?

Nothing. I had a bath, shaved my legs, trimmed my pubes and put something comfy on.

He didn't seem to care.

That would be ok with someone I'd met before. Was that someone you knew?"

My first full Fab meet, I couldn't physically get into the shower at that point (broken bone, on crutches - sponge baths) and he was still really into me. I was nervous but I'm glad I did it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I wonder if others have felt like they're not up to scratch previously - what they did to overcome that?

Nothing. I had a bath, shaved my legs, trimmed my pubes and put something comfy on.

He didn't seem to care.

That would be ok with someone I'd met before. Was that someone you knew?

My first full Fab meet, I couldn't physically get into the shower at that point (broken bone, on crutches - sponge baths) and he was still really into me. I was nervous but I'm glad I did it. "

See I just compare myself and think ...well no-one would be into me that way. But I can see that it's my insecurity talking. It's always our insecurity talking.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I wonder if others have felt like they're not up to scratch previously - what they did to overcome that?

Nothing. I had a bath, shaved my legs, trimmed my pubes and put something comfy on.

He didn't seem to care.

That would be ok with someone I'd met before. Was that someone you knew?

My first full Fab meet, I couldn't physically get into the shower at that point (broken bone, on crutches - sponge baths) and he was still really into me. I was nervous but I'm glad I did it.

See I just compare myself and think ...well no-one would be into me that way. But I can see that it's my insecurity talking. It's always our insecurity talking."

It is.

Not that it's a bad idea to work on loving yourself

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I wonder if others have felt like they're not up to scratch previously - what they did to overcome that?

Nothing. I had a bath, shaved my legs, trimmed my pubes and put something comfy on.

He didn't seem to care.

That would be ok with someone I'd met before. Was that someone you knew?

My first full Fab meet, I couldn't physically get into the shower at that point (broken bone, on crutches - sponge baths) and he was still really into me. I was nervous but I'm glad I did it.

See I just compare myself and think ...well no-one would be into me that way. But I can see that it's my insecurity talking. It's always our insecurity talking.

It is.

Not that it's a bad idea to work on loving yourself "

If I could get to "tolerate" I'd be winning!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I wonder if others have felt like they're not up to scratch previously - what they did to overcome that?

Nothing. I had a bath, shaved my legs, trimmed my pubes and put something comfy on.

He didn't seem to care.

That would be ok with someone I'd met before. Was that someone you knew?

My first full Fab meet, I couldn't physically get into the shower at that point (broken bone, on crutches - sponge baths) and he was still really into me. I was nervous but I'm glad I did it.

See I just compare myself and think ...well no-one would be into me that way. But I can see that it's my insecurity talking. It's always our insecurity talking.

It is.

Not that it's a bad idea to work on loving yourself

If I could get to "tolerate" I'd be winning!

Oh I went through a whole process of "be less bitchy about myself". I get it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

"Does anyone else feel they need to sort a load of things about themselves before they are ready to start meeting?

I am just that at the moment. Nit fit to meet, but not motivated to get my arse in gear.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I wonder if others have felt like they're not up to scratch previously - what they did to overcome that?

Nothing. I had a bath, shaved my legs, trimmed my pubes and put something comfy on.

He didn't seem to care.

That would be ok with someone I'd met before. Was that someone you knew?

My first full Fab meet, I couldn't physically get into the shower at that point (broken bone, on crutches - sponge baths) and he was still really into me. I was nervous but I'm glad I did it.

See I just compare myself and think ...well no-one would be into me that way. But I can see that it's my insecurity talking. It's always our insecurity talking.

It is.

Not that it's a bad idea to work on loving yourself

If I could get to "tolerate" I'd be winning!

Oh I went through a whole process of "be less bitchy about myself". I get it."

I've been working on that all year!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Does anyone else feel they need to sort a load of things about themselves before they are ready to start meeting?

I am just that at the moment. Nit fit to meet, but not motivated to get my arse in gear."

Why don't you think you're fit to meet? Do you think other people would judge you as harshly?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I wonder if others have felt like they're not up to scratch previously - what they did to overcome that?

Nothing. I had a bath, shaved my legs, trimmed my pubes and put something comfy on.

He didn't seem to care.

That would be ok with someone I'd met before. Was that someone you knew?

My first full Fab meet, I couldn't physically get into the shower at that point (broken bone, on crutches - sponge baths) and he was still really into me. I was nervous but I'm glad I did it.

See I just compare myself and think ...well no-one would be into me that way. But I can see that it's my insecurity talking. It's always our insecurity talking.

It is.

Not that it's a bad idea to work on loving yourself

If I could get to "tolerate" I'd be winning!

Oh I went through a whole process of "be less bitchy about myself". I get it.

I've been working on that all year!

When you catch yourself, try to tone your language down. With time it gets easier. People talk about being kind to yourself - if that's too much, less vitriol is a good start. (Speaking from experience)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I don't think I need to sort myself out but I do think that a lot of guys have a preconceived idea of what an older woman is going to be like and I'm not it. That's on the stereotyping rather than how I feel about myself but even so I do hesitate

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"I wonder if others have felt like they're not up to scratch previously - what they did to overcome that?

Nothing. I had a bath, shaved my legs, trimmed my pubes and put something comfy on.

He didn't seem to care.

That would be ok with someone I'd met before. Was that someone you knew?"

Third time I'd met him, first time we had sex.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

No i just dont want to

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I wonder if others have felt like they're not up to scratch previously - what they did to overcome that?

Nothing. I had a bath, shaved my legs, trimmed my pubes and put something comfy on.

He didn't seem to care.

That would be ok with someone I'd met before. Was that someone you knew?

My first full Fab meet, I couldn't physically get into the shower at that point (broken bone, on crutches - sponge baths) and he was still really into me. I was nervous but I'm glad I did it.

See I just compare myself and think ...well no-one would be into me that way. But I can see that it's my insecurity talking. It's always our insecurity talking.

It is.

Not that it's a bad idea to work on loving yourself

If I could get to "tolerate" I'd be winning!

Oh I went through a whole process of "be less bitchy about myself". I get it.

I've been working on that all year!

I'm not nasty about myself. Not anymore.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

I work with what i have

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Na I’m completely fine meeting as it’s always on the understanding of no pressure or expectations just 2 people meeting and having a conversation, no need for all the pressure or anyone to feel uncomfortable about themselves.

I’ve even met during the working day for a social coffee and chin wag whilst in my work clothes and I’m a tradesman so not looking as pristine as I’d normally like however it felt right and I went with that feeling and glad I did.

Who ever you are chatting with as a potential meet should make you feel comfortable yes you can have nerves etc but I mean just being comfortable x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Years ago I was hung up on looking my very best for a meet. Being a different version of myself. I think that was a protection. I'm now just trying to be myself. And feel comfortable with a take me or leave me attitude. Of course making an effort is still there.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uckmonkeyMan
over a year ago

devon

I’d like 28 days notice so I could do one of those challenges…..wouldn’t like to scar someone too much.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"No i just dont want to"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Fix up, look sharp "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes. I need to plan in advance, eat the right food so I'm not like a bloated whale, veet my fanny and give it enough time to recover, think about what clothes I'm wearing.

I could never do a last minute meet I don't think.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't think I need to sort myself out but I do think that a lot of guys have a preconceived idea of what an older woman is going to be like and I'm not it. That's on the stereotyping rather than how I feel about myself but even so I do hesitate "

You feel you're battling their expectations? I'm younger than you, but I know what you mean.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Na I’m completely fine meeting as it’s always on the understanding of no pressure or expectations just 2 people meeting and having a conversation, no need for all the pressure or anyone to feel uncomfortable about themselves.

Who ever you are chatting with as a potential meet should make you feel comfortable yes you can have nerves etc but I mean just being comfortable x"

I think if you feel comfortable with yourself, worrying about the other person is surely a lot less. I'd like to get to that point.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Years ago I was hung up on looking my very best for a meet. Being a different version of myself. I think that was a protection. I'm now just trying to be myself. And feel comfortable with a take me or leave me attitude. Of course making an effort is still there."

Sounds a really good attitude to have.

( I'm less hung up now on how I look because guys here drop their standards to get a shag don't they. JOKE!

)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

I’ve put on weight since I was last around and now I’m able to train properly again I’m working on getting rid.

But I have current pics and if someone is sufficiently attracted to me to want to meet and the feeling is mutual, I don’t mind them seeing the work in progress

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

I like people who don't feel the need to behave/act/look like something they don't want to be. Jeans. Tee shirt. Pyjamas. Come as you are

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’ve put on weight since I was last around and now I’m able to train properly again I’m working on getting rid.

But I have current pics and if someone is sufficiently attracted to me to want to meet and the feeling is mutual, I don’t mind them seeing the work in progress

I'm sure you will have no shortage of admirers. I like that you're so matter of fact about yourself.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Complete body and personality transplant required!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andycandy88Woman
over a year ago

Northolt

I've read most of the comments here.

OP I have had guy's say they want to meet then they don't ever make that happen.

I've been catfished here and also once on a hotel had a bit of a chat then he gets a phone call to do an errand

After some hours I left, left the bottle he bought and his empty room hotel booking.

When you love yourself, stick by the ones who bring out the best in you without making you feel like questioning yourselves and others who do otherwise wish them well and tell them goodbye

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes. I didn't meet for all of last year because I hated the way I looked. I had a broken knee and was on crutches for 11 months but used that as an excuse not to meet, when I could have. I made a massive change in April both physically and mentally and have been working on myself ever since. I'm not happy with how I look right now so I'm not as body confident in real life as I'd like to be, but I'm learning to like myself more, accept and believe the compliments (to a degree) that I get from guys and just get on with enjoying my Fab life. I've had a really great couple of months and enjoyed myself immensely, I can't believe I allowed my self consciousness about how I look to prevent me from doing what I want to do "

I'm glad you're feeling better about yourself. Know just what you mean about being self-conscious. I'd like to let that go.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I can't compete with anyone on here so I don't. Thankfully enough people will fuck a damp loaf so I don't need to improve in any way.

I am the winner- I'm shagging a hot person and they are shagging a damp loaf..

You have such a way with words, Outsider!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

"I’ve put on weight since I was last around and now I’m able to train properly again I’m working on getting rid.

But I have current pics and if someone is sufficiently attracted to me to want to meet and the feeling is mutual, I don’t mind them seeing the work in progress

I'm sure you will have no shortage of admirers. I like that you're so matter of fact about yourself. "

For a lot of my life my body has been a tool to get a job done and I think that helps to detach in some ways.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've read most of the comments here.

OP I have had guy's say they want to meet then they don't ever make that happen.

I've been catfished here and also once on a hotel had a bit of a chat then he gets a phone call to do an errand

After some hours I left, left the bottle he bought and his empty room hotel booking.

When you love yourself, stick by the ones who bring out the best in you without making you feel like questioning yourselves and others who do otherwise wish them well and tell them goodbye

I'm sorry you've had those experiences, like so many here sadly. I think I have attracted/manifested bad experiences because I didn't value myself. And that's a reaction to being treated badly by other men. But I don't want to be that person anymore.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *toC Thats MeWoman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Yes, at some point I felt like that. But then I thought, this is just me so f*ck it. We all have our flaws. You really do have to enjoy life as much as you can and try not to care what others think..as cheesy as that sounds.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’ve put on weight since I was last around and now I’m able to train properly again I’m working on getting rid.

But I have current pics and if someone is sufficiently attracted to me to want to meet and the feeling is mutual, I don’t mind them seeing the work in progress

I'm sure you will have no shortage of admirers. I like that you're so matter of fact about yourself.

For a lot of my life my body has been a tool to get a job done and I think that helps to detach in some ways. "

I was musing about that today. I've struggled with mobility issues and chronic pain for 3 years which I think has affected my confidence too - perhaps as your broken knee did?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *cottish guy 555Man
over a year ago

London

Always. But I go anyway. Mostly

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andycandy88Woman
over a year ago

Northolt

"I've read most of the comments here.

OP I have had guy's say they want to meet then they don't ever make that happen.

I've been catfished here and also once on a hotel had a bit of a chat then he gets a phone call to do an errand

After some hours I left, left the bottle he bought and his empty room hotel booking.

When you love yourself, stick by the ones who bring out the best in you without making you feel like questioning yourselves and others who do otherwise wish them well and tell them goodbye

you will be fine OP step by step rather than the whole staircase xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

"Does anyone else feel they need to sort a load of things about themselves before they are ready to start meeting?

I am just that at the moment. Nit fit to meet, but not motivated to get my arse in gear.

Why don't you think you're fit to meet? Do you think other people would judge you as harshly?"

I din't like how I look, why would I expect others to like me much either.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Long as I'm clean, smell nice and dressed I'm presentable

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"Does anyone else feel they need to sort a load of things about themselves before they are ready to start meeting?

No I'm enough for me, if I'm not enough for others I'll not lose sleep over it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes, at some point I felt like that. But then I thought, this is just me so f*ck it. We all have our flaws. You really do have to enjoy life as much as you can and try not to care what others think..as cheesy as that sounds. "

I keep trying to do this. Depression got in the way.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

I couldn't care less, no make up , no hair done , no hiden at all , very happy how i look knowing i'm not everyone's cup of tea but also i'm not here to meet e everyone.

I don't use filters so people know what they are looking at.

My only down is that most times i'm always late if i need to travel, this is where i need to work more as been a late person is on my adn since ever

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I'm always doing something or other to update my life and myself, so I'd never meet, if I waited.

Today I have what I feel is a humongous facial spot that's forming. It bothers me but I'd plough on, regardless.

When I've been grieving for someone, I've held back, as I was too vulnerable.

I don't expect anything other than that someone accepts me as I am. I really appreciate somebody who is fully themselves and let's go of pressure to be other than fallible and real.

If not feeling the best, you can always temper the meet accordingly.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does anyone else feel they need to sort a load of things about themselves before they are ready to start meeting?

No I'm enough for me, if I'm not enough for others I'll not lose sleep over it "

Top man! Top thinking.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does anyone else feel they need to sort a load of things about themselves before they are ready to start meeting?

When is ever anybody ready!

Sure after some breakups we all need time to regroup and postion then go again.

Many over think,the flow comes from action.

Try not to control everything.

I haven't had a breakup.

I haven't said anything about control. "
i am not refering to you at all in anyway shape of form.

I wrote up a view point and mindset that can be applied and worked.

Hope that makes sense.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Does anyone else feel they need to sort a load of things about themselves before they are ready to start meeting?

When is ever anybody ready!

Sure after some breakups we all need time to regroup and postion then go again.

Many over think,the flow comes from action.

Try not to control everything.

I haven't had a breakup.

I haven't said anything about control. i am not refering to you at all in anyway shape of form.

I wrote up a view point and mindset that can be applied and worked.

Hope that makes sense. "

No, what you've written doesn't make sense.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've read most of the comments here.

OP I have had guy's say they want to meet then they don't ever make that happen.

I've been catfished here and also once on a hotel had a bit of a chat then he gets a phone call to do an errand

After some hours I left, left the bottle he bought and his empty room hotel booking.

When you love yourself, stick by the ones who bring out the best in you without making you feel like questioning yourselves and others who do otherwise wish them well and tell them goodbye

you will be fine OP step by step rather than the whole staircase xxx

Thank you Candy. That's what I'm trying for - actually this thread has made me feel a lot better! X

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It that was the case, I'd probably never meet anyone..

Really I'd love to be thinner, prettier and have my life a bit less fly by the seat of my pants, but then they wouldn't actually be meeting me.

Its taken me a very long time to realise I'm not some complete disaster, I'm actually lovely. I don't need others to make me feel like I'm not good enough (I do that perfectly well on my own)

So I'm just being who I am and the right people won't mind.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eeliciouschaosWoman
over a year ago

Wherever

Physically, no.

I’m pretty confident about myself and I don’t really care about societal beauty standards as we are all unique.

Mentally though.

I have blocks from past trauma I believe I’m never going to be able to overcome.

Am I ok with it? Not really. But also not overly concerned.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Does anyone else feel they need to sort a load of things about themselves before they are ready to start meeting?

I am just that at the moment. Nit fit to meet, but not motivated to get my arse in gear.

Why don't you think you're fit to meet? Do you think other people would judge you as harshly?

I din't like how I look, why would I expect others to like me much either."

We are always more critical of ourselves than others are. And perhaps look at our bodies with a harsh eye?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tbh, most of the time I feel fine as I am. Today I do not.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes. There's a reason I havent met anyone in over a year

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I didn't meet a guy once because I felt i didn't measure up to his previous meets, that was a chance I'll never get back.

Now i try my hardest (and usually fail!) to never think like that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *heekyDemandCouple
over a year ago

Leicester

Neither of us are supermodels, but nothing stops us meeting, we aren't blind but we are comfortable in our skin

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I didn't meet a guy once because I felt i didn't measure up to his previous meets, that was a chance I'll never get back.

Now i try my hardest (and usually fail!) to never think like that.

I've not only avoided meeting men where I don't think I measure up to the women they've met previously, I avoid meeting men where I don't measure up to them. Or I think I don't. I saw someone on Hinge a few months ago. Someone who I admired hugely and found attractive. He's quite well known in his area of expertise - bloody wonderful at what he does. I didn't even swipe.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Neither of us are supermodels, but nothing stops us meeting, we aren't blind but we are comfortable in our skin "

That's the crux of it isn't it? Being comfortable in your own skin.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitely, new clothes, dental work, and most of all neurological rewiring.

I feel like if I were to follow my heart I'd end up spending years without meeting another person sexually nevermind romantically.

But recently a part of me is looking back at everything, my current state of affairs and I'm just thinking "should I just say fuck it and try meet people now?".

Something I've learned recently though is that I shouldn't just go and start meeting people now in my current state of mind, it wouldn't be fair on the other person, they become a temporary source of excitement, rather than being in the right headspace, discovering them, feeling genuine excitement and therefore treating them with the value they deserve.

I just don't know though, my heads spinning, my heart's pounding. God help me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lassy 69Man
over a year ago

my town

As a man who became single at the end of 2022 I relate to this a lot. Started on this app out of desperation but put the work in and ended up staying here for the banter.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I know I've not replied to everyone but I can't catch up (Fab "holiday"

). Will keep trying.

Since I started this thread I've reworded my profile from "I'm not meeting because I've had too many bad experiences" to "I'm not meeting because I'm working on myself". And that feels a LOT more positive to me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread