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The Alien Invasion Has Begun!

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By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

…..and they’ve commenced their assault in Peru!

According to the Ikitu tribe there, seven foot tall, hood wearing and hovering(!) alien bastards called, ‘Face Peelers’ have been attacking the locals nearly every night since the 11th of July.

The military has been called in but will apparently take some time before they reach the desolate destination.

One eye witness reported that, ‘Their heads are long, they wear a mask and their eyes are yellowish.’

If any of you should come across these intergalactic bastards, be sure to contact the relevant authorities!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s all over the Peru’s.

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

I will have a pint of whatever the Ikitu are drinking.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nanoo nanoo

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

I blame Brexit

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By *ildmanYorksMan
over a year ago

Doncaster & Bembridge

Don't recognise them from any aliens I've met. They must be from a different sector of the universe

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester


"…..and they’ve commenced their assault in Peru!

According to the Ikitu tribe there, seven foot tall, hood wearing and hovering(!) alien bastards called, ‘Face Peelers’ have been attacking the locals nearly every night since the 11th of July.

The military has been called in but will apparently take some time before they reach the desolate destination.

One eye witness reported that, ‘Their heads are long, they wear a mask and their eyes are yellowish.’

If any of you should come across these intergalactic bastards, be sure to contact the relevant authorities! "

of course if they live through it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yet another distraction now I’m going to have to do my own head in trying to find out what the distraction is for damn it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It’s all over the Peru’s."

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town


"…..and they’ve commenced their assault in Peru!

According to the Ikitu tribe there, seven foot tall, hood wearing and hovering(!) alien bastards called, ‘Face Peelers’ have been attacking the locals nearly every night since the 11th of July.

The military has been called in but will apparently take some time before they reach the desolate destination.

One eye witness reported that, ‘Their heads are long, they wear a mask and their eyes are yellowish.’

If any of you should come across these intergalactic bastards, be sure to contact the relevant authorities! "

Are you prince phillip?

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By *aptain Caveman41Man
over a year ago

Home

If I hear "we are the Borg" I know we are all fucked

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham


"If I hear "we are the Borg" I know we are all fucked "

I will take one for the team and sacrifice myself to Seven of Nine. It’s the least I can do for you all.

#selfless

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thought they were in Alaska or Antarctica x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fuck!!!! And there I was preparing for a Zombie invasion

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By *aptain Caveman41Man
over a year ago

Home


"If I hear "we are the Borg" I know we are all fucked

I will take one for the team and sacrifice myself to Seven of Nine. It’s the least I can do for you all.

#selfless "

off you go I'll wait for her to be liberated from the collective

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Project Bluebeam? Already?

That wasn’t supposed to happen until 2024?

Unless it’s a practice run ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I fucking hope this is true.

The world needs a common enenmy for unification.

Plus it would be fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Peru... Paddington bear

Marmalades

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If they land in in Italy would we call them Italien's x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Send Will Smith in… “Welcome to Earth”.

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By *uriousVoyeurMan
over a year ago

Northside


"It’s all over the Peru’s."

I like what you've done there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I will have a pint of whatever they are drinking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Step away from the Ayahuasca

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By *lansmanMan
over a year ago

Sheffield


"Send Will Smith in… “Welcome to Earth”."

Yeah , welcome to earth ... followed by a slap ..

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

We should probably take this story seriously. Just Incas-e

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"I will have a pint of whatever the Ikitu are drinking."

Probably Ayahuasca or similar

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yay alien friends

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford


"…..and they’ve commenced their assault in Peru!

According to the Ikitu tribe there, seven foot tall, hood wearing and hovering(!) alien bastards called, ‘Face Peelers’ have been attacking the locals nearly every night since the 11th of July.

The military has been called in but will apparently take some time before they reach the desolate destination.

One eye witness reported that, ‘Their heads are long, they wear a mask and their eyes are yellowish.’

If any of you should come across these intergalactic bastards, be sure to contact the relevant authorities! "

I thought this was Essex tom thread

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By *hesblokeMan
over a year ago

Derbyshire village


"Yay alien friends "

When we take them to our leaders they'll think we're joking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yay alien friends

When we take them to our leaders they'll think we're joking "

True

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By *hesblokeMan
over a year ago

Derbyshire village


"Yay alien friends

When we take them to our leaders they'll think we're joking

True "

"Yeah... Yeah, this guy. I know".

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.


"Project Bluebeam? Already?

That wasn’t supposed to happen until 2024?

Unless it’s a practice run .. "

You clearly didn't get the memo.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Predator 3

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By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

More on this exclusive story!

Apparently a 15 year old girl in the village was grabbed from behind by one of these nefarious alien brutes and had her neck cut when she resisted.

Thankfully, she survived her ordeal however and was treated in the local hospital.

Community leader Jairo Reátegui Ávila had this to say on the unfolding matter: ‘These gentlemen….’ (Gentlemen?!! What the actual fuck?!! ) ‘…..are aliens. They appear to be armoured like the Green Goblin from Spider-Man.

I shot one of them twice and he wasn’t injured, he rose and disappeared.’

I’ll keep you posted on any further developments good folks. Until then though, please keep your eyes on the skies!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I must be the only one with my fingers crossed.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"More on this exclusive story!

Apparently a 15 year old girl in the village was grabbed from behind by one of these nefarious alien brutes and had her neck cut when she resisted.

Thankfully, she survived her ordeal however and was treated in the local hospital.

Community leader Jairo Reátegui Ávila had this to say on the unfolding matter: ‘These gentlemen….’ (Gentlemen?!! What the actual fuck?!! ) ‘…..are aliens. They appear to be armoured like the Green Goblin from Spider-Man.

I shot one of them twice and he wasn’t injured, he rose and disappeared.’

I’ll keep you posted on any further developments good folks. Until then though, please keep your eyes on the skies! "

Gentlemen? Seems the patriarchy exists on all planets

*Scarpers*

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By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"More on this exclusive story!

Apparently a 15 year old girl in the village was grabbed from behind by one of these nefarious alien brutes and had her neck cut when she resisted.

Thankfully, she survived her ordeal however and was treated in the local hospital.

Community leader Jairo Reátegui Ávila had this to say on the unfolding matter: ‘These gentlemen….’ (Gentlemen?!! What the actual fuck?!! ) ‘…..are aliens. They appear to be armoured like the Green Goblin from Spider-Man.

I shot one of them twice and he wasn’t injured, he rose and disappeared.’

I’ll keep you posted on any further developments good folks. Until then though, please keep your eyes on the skies!

Gentlemen? Seems the patriarchy exists on all planets

*Scarpers*"

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By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"I must be the only one with my fingers crossed."

I’m wondering if this might all be a case of Ergotism (Ergot poisoning) or perhaps some other form of communal, hysteria inducing pollutant.

…..or possibly, it might be true and this is but an alien test invasion, with the full scale attack upon us all to imminently follow…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I must be the only one with my fingers crossed.

I’m wondering if this might all be a case of Ergotism (Ergot poisoning) or perhaps some other form of communal, hysteria inducing pollutant.

…..or possibly, it might be true and this is but an alien test invasion, with the full scale attack upon us all to imminently follow… "

Chances are the former, but there's always hope.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most likely just the CIA dicking about.

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By *tylebender03Man
over a year ago

Manchester

Interesting. Most sightings are in the US or UK. It’s not crazy to think they have always been here and are fully embedded into society. Just look at Zuckerberg and Musk.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"I must be the only one with my fingers crossed.

I’m wondering if this might all be a case of Ergotism (Ergot poisoning) or perhaps some other form of communal, hysteria inducing pollutant.

…..or possibly, it might be true and this is but an alien test invasion, with the full scale attack upon us all to imminently follow… "

We should phone the experts. Anyone got Will Smith's number? I think we should also phone Jeff Goldblum

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

Send jeff goldblum to commune with them

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity


"More on this exclusive story!

Apparently a 15 year old girl in the village was grabbed from behind by one of these nefarious alien brutes and had her neck cut when she resisted.

Thankfully, she survived her ordeal however and was treated in the local hospital.

Community leader Jairo Reátegui Ávila had this to say on the unfolding matter: ‘These gentlemen….’ (Gentlemen?!! What the actual fuck?!! ) ‘…..are aliens. They appear to be armoured like the Green Goblin from Spider-Man.

I shot one of them twice and he wasn’t injured, he rose and disappeared.’

I’ll keep you posted on any further developments good folks. Until then though, please keep your eyes on the skies! "

Is the Sunday Sport still going ??

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By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"More on this exclusive story!

Apparently a 15 year old girl in the village was grabbed from behind by one of these nefarious alien brutes and had her neck cut when she resisted.

Thankfully, she survived her ordeal however and was treated in the local hospital.

Community leader Jairo Reátegui Ávila had this to say on the unfolding matter: ‘These gentlemen….’ (Gentlemen?!! What the actual fuck?!! ) ‘…..are aliens. They appear to be armoured like the Green Goblin from Spider-Man.

I shot one of them twice and he wasn’t injured, he rose and disappeared.’

I’ll keep you posted on any further developments good folks. Until then though, please keep your eyes on the skies!

Is the Sunday Sport still going ?? "

If it was, I’d wager that the headline would doubtless read: ‘Aliens Attack Peruvian Village And Devour Hamsters.’

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By *ldgeezermeMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

Have we been told what gender to address them by to avoid causing them any distress

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By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"Have we been told what gender to address them by to avoid causing them any distress"

Reports seem to indicate that they are all male in appearance (although hidden beneath masks).

One local reported the following: ‘I have found him face to face, he hides his face. I've seen the whole body floating. He moves his arms, everything is normal.’

Eh?! Everything is normal’?!!

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By *lexm87Man
over a year ago

Various


"Step away from the Ayahuasca"

And don't mix it with vodka.

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

Looks like the Ikitu tribe have found a new species of mushroom

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"Looks like the Ikitu tribe have found a new species of mushroom "

Tasty both fried and sautéed

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By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Update: I’ve been following this incredible story closely for you all tonight and it is with deep regret that I must now report a monumentally anticlimactic update to proceedings

It had just been revealed that an investigation by the local prosecutor’s office has uncovered evidence that the men (sadly, not aliens) responsible for terrorising the village were in fact illegal gold miners seeking to sow terror among the tribe while they committed their illicit activities

…..mind you, having said that, the powers that be would just spin us that old lame cover story, right?

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"Update: I’ve been following this incredible story closely for you all tonight and it is with deep regret that I must now report a monumentally anticlimactic update to proceedings

It had just been revealed that an investigation by the local prosecutor’s office has uncovered evidence that the men (sadly, not aliens) responsible for terrorising the village were in fact illegal gold miners seeking to sow terror among the tribe while they committed their illicit activities

…..mind you, having said that, the powers that be would just spin us that old lame cover story, right? "

*Surprised face*

Not

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By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"Update: I’ve been following this incredible story closely for you all tonight and it is with deep regret that I must now report a monumentally anticlimactic update to proceedings

It had just been revealed that an investigation by the local prosecutor’s office has uncovered evidence that the men (sadly, not aliens) responsible for terrorising the village were in fact illegal gold miners seeking to sow terror among the tribe while they committed their illicit activities

…..mind you, having said that, the powers that be would just spin us that old lame cover story, right?

*Surprised face*

Not"

I was so sure this was the big one to

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

I mean, this newscast was severely lacking in detail anyway. Peru? Where the heck is that? We need context.

E.g. "Peru, known for its marmalade loving stuffed bears"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do they have large penises?

...Anal probes?

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"Do they have large penises?

...Anal probes? "

No. Just big wood.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Update: I’ve been following this incredible story closely for you all tonight and it is with deep regret that I must now report a monumentally anticlimactic update to proceedings

It had just been revealed that an investigation by the local prosecutor’s office has uncovered evidence that the men (sadly, not aliens) responsible for terrorising the village were in fact illegal gold miners seeking to sow terror among the tribe while they committed their illicit activities

…..mind you, having said that, the powers that be would just spin us that old lame cover story, right? "

Such a let down.

An alien invasion was just what the doctor ordered.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Update: I’ve been following this incredible story closely for you all tonight and it is with deep regret that I must now report a monumentally anticlimactic update to proceedings

It had just been revealed that an investigation by the local prosecutor’s office has uncovered evidence that the men (sadly, not aliens) responsible for terrorising the village were in fact illegal gold miners seeking to sow terror among the tribe while they committed their illicit activities

…..mind you, having said that, the powers that be would just spin us that old lame cover story, right?

Such a let down.

An alien invasion was just what the doctor ordered."

To come rescue us x

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By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Of course, there remains the very valid question of how exactly the miscreants managed to pull off the ‘hovering’ illusion.

Officially, there has been mention of ‘Jet packs’ (in what aisle in Asda does one procure one of these though?)

I myself am now actually convinced however, that the evil hand of famous stage magician and ostensibly now, criminal mastermind, David Copperfield is at work behind all this….

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By *ot-AshMan
over a year ago

London

It could be the Russians Wagner military in disguise....

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Carlisle


"More on this exclusive story!

Apparently a 15 year old girl in the village was grabbed from behind by one of these nefarious alien brutes and had her neck cut when she resisted.

Thankfully, she survived her ordeal however and was treated in the local hospital.

Community leader Jairo Reátegui Ávila had this to say on the unfolding matter: ‘These gentlemen….’ (Gentlemen?!! What the actual fuck?!! ) ‘…..are aliens. They appear to be armoured like the Green Goblin from Spider-Man.

I shot one of them twice and he wasn’t injured, he rose and disappeared.’

I’ll keep you posted on any further developments good folks. Until then though, please keep your eyes on the skies!

Is the Sunday Sport still going ??

If it was, I’d wager that the headline would doubtless read: ‘Aliens Attack Peruvian Village And Devour Hamsters.’ "

Freddie Starrman ate my hamster!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do they have large penises?

...Anal probes?

No. Just big wood."

Well... as long as it's been smoothed.

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Carlisle


"Update: I’ve been following this incredible story closely for you all tonight and it is with deep regret that I must now report a monumentally anticlimactic update to proceedings

It had just been revealed that an investigation by the local prosecutor’s office has uncovered evidence that the men (sadly, not aliens) responsible for terrorising the village were in fact illegal gold miners seeking to sow terror among the tribe while they committed their illicit activities

…..mind you, having said that, the powers that be would just spin us that old lame cover story, right? "

It’s the new Scooby Doo film i bet!!! Its old man Reynolds the gold mine manager!!

Bahhhhh I’d have got away with it too……

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By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"Update: I’ve been following this incredible story closely for you all tonight and it is with deep regret that I must now report a monumentally anticlimactic update to proceedings

It had just been revealed that an investigation by the local prosecutor’s office has uncovered evidence that the men (sadly, not aliens) responsible for terrorising the village were in fact illegal gold miners seeking to sow terror among the tribe while they committed their illicit activities

…..mind you, having said that, the powers that be would just spin us that old lame cover story, right?

It’s the new Scooby Doo film i bet!!! Its old man Reynolds the gold mine manager!!

Bahhhhh I’d have got away with it too…… "

‘….Shocked onlookers subsequently reported a small puppy having to be restrained by police officers using stun guns after he apparently became highly belligerent and was heard shouting, ‘Let me at ‘em!!!’

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Carlisle


"Update: I’ve been following this incredible story closely for you all tonight and it is with deep regret that I must now report a monumentally anticlimactic update to proceedings

It had just been revealed that an investigation by the local prosecutor’s office has uncovered evidence that the men (sadly, not aliens) responsible for terrorising the village were in fact illegal gold miners seeking to sow terror among the tribe while they committed their illicit activities

…..mind you, having said that, the powers that be would just spin us that old lame cover story, right?

It’s the new Scooby Doo film i bet!!! Its old man Reynolds the gold mine manager!!

Bahhhhh I’d have got away with it too……

‘….Shocked onlookers subsequently reported a small puppy having to be restrained by police officers using stun guns after he apparently became highly belligerent and was heard shouting, ‘Let me at ‘em!!!’ "

…. In other news local sandwich shop reports record profits…

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By *eard and TattsCouple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

Probably just lizzo sweating up villages

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I totally believe all the incoming testimonies of these invasions

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By *lynJMan
over a year ago

Morden


"Update: I’ve been following this incredible story closely for you all tonight and it is with deep regret that I must now report a monumentally anticlimactic update to proceedings

It had just been revealed that an investigation by the local prosecutor’s office has uncovered evidence that the men (sadly, not aliens) responsible for terrorising the village were in fact illegal gold miners seeking to sow terror among the tribe while they committed their illicit activities

…..mind you, having said that, the powers that be would just spin us that old lame cover story, right?

It’s the new Scooby Doo film i bet!!! Its old man Reynolds the gold mine manager!!

Bahhhhh I’d have got away with it too……

‘….Shocked onlookers subsequently reported a small puppy having to be restrained by police officers using stun guns after he apparently became highly belligerent and was heard shouting, ‘Let me at ‘em!!!’ "

Have you been taking example from Orson Welles and his "War of the Worlds" broadcast?

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By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

Its victor wembanyama on holiday nothing to worry over

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

They started in Peru. I think maybe someone’s rattling, let me guess Columbia, Mexico and Cuba are the next targets.

The mr

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

What happened to the gold?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"…..and they’ve commenced their assault in Peru!

According to the Ikitu tribe there, seven foot tall, hood wearing and hovering(!) alien bastards called, ‘Face Peelers’ have been attacking the locals nearly every night since the 11th of July.

The military has been called in but will apparently take some time before they reach the desolate destination.

One eye witness reported that, ‘Their heads are long, they wear a mask and their eyes are yellowish.’

If any of you should come across these intergalactic bastards, be sure to contact the relevant authorities! "

Ikitu not, this sounds serious….

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

- aliens have been here as long (if not longer) than ‘we’ have, hidden in plain sight

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

If they have big alien cocks they will do well on here.

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By *otsossieMan
over a year ago

Chesterfield


"Of course, there remains the very valid question of how exactly the miscreants managed to pull off the ‘hovering’ illusion.

"

Projections / reflections onto glass or smoke have been in use since Victorian times.

I won’t believe it until I’ve had a friendly chat with them.

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