FabSwingers.com forum: Jealousy

By *rHotNotts OP Man
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

It’s an odd emotion sometimes.

Your partner tells you they had sex with someone else a while back while you were probably doing the same & it’s fine. It barely registers.

But if you've been cancelled for Bunty the forum sex god and are sat at home alone with a bottle of red wine, imagining all those orgasms it’s not so nice.

It’s a bit like a post I read a while ago about someone wanting to keep even, jealousy can be conditional based on whether you are getting any and how much each of you is enjoying it.

I used to swing couples - full swap same and separate room, separate house , never got jealous once because everything balanced.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been completely broken by it in the past, I don't do it now.

If there's a guy I like on here (there's a few actually) it turns me on if I know they've had sex elsewhere.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jealousy is an odd thing.

I can happily watch my husband devour another woman's body and fuck her. It's a huge turn on, I love it.

But if he were to go out for a meal with another woman for a couple of hours or so, spending quality time with her without me there, then I'd be absolutely jealous as hell.

Thankfully he isn't interested at all in doing the latter.

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By *abtastic Mr FoxMan
over a year ago

A den in the Glen

Wasted emotion and pretty destructive. Bit I guess you can't control your feelings.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

Maybe I'm misunderstanding but isn't this rejection rather than jealousy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's any easier but it helps to identify the actual issue.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"Jealousy is an odd thing.

I can happily watch my husband devour another woman's body and fuck her. It's a huge turn on, I love it.

But if he were to go out for a meal with another woman for a couple of hours or so, spending quality time with her without me there, then I'd be absolutely jealous as hell.

Thankfully he isn't interested at all in doing the latter.

This is absolutely me, the sex no problem at all, amy form of quality time or emotional intimacy then I'd be jealous.

For me it's hot because we do it together, I've no interest in pursuing anything sex related without him.

Mrs

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

One of the reasons I work hard on making sure that their hubby is part of all our conversations and I actively talk to them on meets is to help reduce any jealousy on their side. I have massive respect for couples who engage in this lifestyle and I can only imagine how hard it is for them to keep even keeled sometimes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am not the Jealousy type my dynamic works in my favour to be honest

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By *rMrsBrightsideCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle

I’m not a jealous type of person and very secure in my relationship. Mr doesn’t see people alone but i do, that is his choice not to.

If he did, would I be jealous if I wasn’t? Probably not but envious yes. If I was stuck at work or home with the kids while he as having fun then yes I’d feel like I was missing out. I would want to be part of it or out having my own fun but not because I don’t want him to be doing it but because I want to be as well.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Jealousy is usually driven by fear and insecurity. I don't have anything on the line to list so it's easy for me not to be jealous. Wanting what someone else has causes envy. Fear of losing what you have can cause jealousy. Just my musings on the subject.

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By *ycanNightsMan
over a year ago

Workington

I'm not naturally a very jealous...and I like to know my partner is having fun times. Like someone above said ...my feelings can be more akin to envy...if I know they are out having fun...and I'm sitting in watching TV.

But the odd pang of jealousy and envy is also fine. It's how you deal with that matters.

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By *irty-pairCouple
over a year ago

South Essex

We’re able to separate sex/lust from intimacy well. For us, it’s one of the secrets to us being able to swing. Also one of the reasons that while we can (and do) make swinging friends, any kind of poly is strictly off the table.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The last time I was jealous was because the guy in question was going all out to impress, but it included something he hadn't done with me. Something that as a couple we should have done. But it had been missed. Circumstances meant it didn't happen in the first place but once the circumstances changed it was missed, and the fact he hadn't realised kinda sucked. And the fact she would have it...yes I was jealous, upset. Besides that the conversations between the two of them were lengthy and in depth which I felt as he was more silent on me. I felt there was quite a connection between them and yes I felt insecure and like I didn't match up to her.

And I'm not too scared to admit it either. I've never claimed to be perfect, quite the reverse I think.

Other women, I didn't bat an eyelid at.

Though I did disagree with him going to a social when we had argued and it was not resolved before he went.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't say I really have it with someone I have no feelings for, but my ex definitely fully unleashed some trust issues/insecurity.

I'm definitely chaning my name to Bunty now though.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I wouldn't feel jealous if someone from here bumped me for someone hotter.

Being the least desirable type of woman on here I almost expect it and wouldn't blame them.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"I wouldn't feel jealous if someone from here bumped me for someone hotter.

Being the least desirable type of woman on here I almost expect it and wouldn't blame them.

I might find I don't feel as interested in them as I did before though.

I don't need to be number one in someone's life but I don't want to be the last resort when no one hotter is around.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think jealousy is something that can creep up on you and take you by surprise.

I'm a really sensitive person in many ways, I feel deeply. Pangs of jealousy of course happen sometimes and you have to allow yourself to feel them and move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jealousy can be a very tricky thing. But these days I'd say I definitely fall more on the compersion side. I genuinely and actively derive happiness from a partner enjoying themselves, whether that be sexually, or just doing their own thing in general... Jealousy is the thief of others happiness

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

Well I did type out a big detailed post, then it got lost.

And now I'm jealous of all these detailed posts above, so now I'm just going to say this to make it seem like I'm not left out and part of the discussion due to my lack of effort to rewrite it all again. I hope you enjoyed reading this pointless post but I needed to do it. Have a great day!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Jealousy is usually driven by fear and insecurity. I don't have anything on the line to list so it's easy for me not to be jealous. Wanting what someone else has causes envy. Fear of losing what you have can cause jealousy. Just my musings on the subject."

Its definitely about insecurity for me. My default setting is thinking everyone is better than me!

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By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago

London

You can't control jealousy and as others have said above, it can creep up on you for any reason whatsoever and even if it makes you the biggest hypocrite.

It doesn't make you a bad person at all. But I can't say I've experienced it in a long time. And I can separate sex for emotional intimacy too which is weird really when most of the coupled population would rather you go for dinner with someone then have sex with them

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By *ornucopiaMan
over a year ago

Bexley

...

But if you've been cancelled for Bunty the forum sex god and are sat at home alone with a bottle of red wine, imagining all those orgasms it’s not so nice.

...

That doesn't sound like jealousy to me at all, more like envy or a similar thought process. Maybe, self pity.

The word jealous should be reserved for what it really means. Far too often I see it used in relation to possessions etc.

Envy is nearly always the correct term in most situations. Anyone who has been on the receiving end of true jealousy will certainly know the difference.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s an odd emotion sometimes.

Your partner tells you they had sex with someone else a while back while you were probably doing the same & it’s fine. It barely registers.

But if you've been cancelled for Bunty the forum sex god and are sat at home alone with a bottle of red wine, imagining all those orgasms it’s not so nice.

It’s a bit like a post I read a while ago about someone wanting to keep even, jealousy can be conditional based on whether you are getting any and how much each of you is enjoying it.

I used to swing couples - full swap same and separate room, separate house , never got jealous once because everything balanced.

Op is that a swinging partner?

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

I wouldn't call that jealousy personally.

If I know one of my partners is out at a club having a whale of a time with others while I'm home alone, I know my happiness at their joy is tinged with a hint of fear of missing out almost jealousy, but I think that's okay as long as I handle it like an adult.

If one of my partners cancelled on me last minute on established plans because they wanted to fuck someone else that was suddenly available, that would fucking hurt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s an odd emotion sometimes.

Your partner tells you they had sex with someone else a while back while you were probably doing the same & it’s fine. It barely registers.

But if you've been cancelled for Bunty the forum sex god and are sat at home alone with a bottle of red wine, imagining all those orgasms it’s not so nice.

It’s a bit like a post I read a while ago about someone wanting to keep even, jealousy can be conditional based on whether you are getting any and how much each of you is enjoying it.

I used to swing couples - full swap same and separate room, separate house , never got jealous once because everything balanced.

Was a meet cancelled?

Rejection is not jealousy.

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

We aren’t jealous people at all. I think when you can be open and honest with people it restricts the jealousy.

We also play together or C has played with other females alone and on occasion a FWB but I’ve been fully involved or instigated it.

I think when there’s doubt or people aren’t sure of others intentions aren’t clear then it’s very easy to become jealous.

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

I'm not really a jealous type really,

I've watched jack have sex with other women & he's also gone to spend the night alone with other women,with my blessing.

I like things all out in the open

Miss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bumping this because recently I’ve had a few people on here attempt to make me jealous.

For example, if I can’t meet someone then they’ll say “doesn’t matter, I’ve found someone else now and they look so great…” or something like that.

I’m sure 90% of the time it’s fiction, and I genuinely don’t care because I’m not emotionally invested in others - but it does irritate me and turn me off that a person would intentionally attempt to make another feel bad or jealous. It’s weird.

Anyone else experience that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bumping this because recently I’ve had a few people on here attempt to make me jealous.

For example, if I can’t meet someone then they’ll say “doesn’t matter, I’ve found someone else now and they look so great…” or something like that.

Anyone else experience that?"

Yes I have.

Twice. I really don't understand the mentality behind it. But if you get jealous it tells them you care or want them and that's the reason they do it.

Personally I think they just could ask instead of playing stupid games. But that far too simple clearly. The more they can see you're upset by it the more they know how much you care. Apparently.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Bumping this because recently I’ve had a few people on here attempt to make me jealous.

For example, if I can’t meet someone then they’ll say “doesn’t matter, I’ve found someone else now and they look so great…” or something like that.

Anyone else experience that?

Yes I have.

Twice. I really don't understand the mentality behind it. But if you get jealous it tells them you care or want them and that's the reason they do it.

Personally I think they just could ask instead of playing stupid games. But that far too simple clearly. The more they can see you're upset by it the more they know how much you care. Apparently.

The belief that jealousy is a positive marker of how invested someone is in a relationship, is such a toxic trait.

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

"Bumping this because recently I’ve had a few people on here attempt to make me jealous.

For example, if I can’t meet someone then they’ll say “doesn’t matter, I’ve found someone else now and they look so great…” or something like that.

Anyone else experience that?"

Yes, although the self-awareness of the behaviour, in such clear terms, is not clear. As PW said they tend to resort to games.

To be able to manage jealousy one has to first be able to accept it is is possible to get jealous. Then one has to be able to communicate it openly, without expecting the other person to take responsibility for it.

That does take courage, let's be fair. Especially, if you are unsure how the person will respond. But that's my threshold, if you can't be vulnerable and talk about it. My emotional investment will diminish. It feels like a game, I stop feeling the emotional connection and consequently my sexual desire goes too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bumping this because recently I’ve had a few people on here attempt to make me jealous.

For example, if I can’t meet someone then they’ll say “doesn’t matter, I’ve found someone else now and they look so great…” or something like that.

Anyone else experience that?

Yes I have.

Twice. I really don't understand the mentality behind it. But if you get jealous it tells them you care or want them and that's the reason they do it.

Personally I think they just could ask instead of playing stupid games. But that far too simple clearly. The more they can see you're upset by it the more they know how much you care. Apparently.

The belief that jealousy is a positive marker of how invested someone is in a relationship, is such a toxic trait.

They were the words from one guy directly!

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