FabSwingers.com forum: How to deal with death ?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Never lost anyone so close to me my nan

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

there is no right or wrong way and it affects us all differently. just take one day at a time. im sorry for your loss

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Very sorry to hear that, it will take time and don't be frightened to speak to people about how you are feeling... Your GP, your family and friends.

Also bereavement supports groups.

All the best and focus on the good times with your loved one.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

First of all, so sorry to hear that you lost your nan. Sounds like she was very special to you.

Loosing somebody close, especially when it is the first experience of loss can be very traumatic. Perhaps chatting to somebody close might help initially? xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

"there is no right or wrong way and it affects us all differently. just take one day at a time. im sorry for your loss"

That's the thing isn't it. Not really about death, it's about loss.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear of your loss, each day at a time and let yourself grieve.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"First of all, so sorry to hear that you lost your nan. Sounds like she was very special to you.

Loosing somebody close, especially when it is the first experience of loss can be very traumatic. Perhaps chatting to somebody close might help initially? xx"

Sound advice

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ady4ladyWoman
over a year ago

liverpool

Talk, talk and talk. Im so sorry for your loss and its a shit time, but remember how much love there was, and still is.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"there is no right or wrong way and it affects us all differently. just take one day at a time. im sorry for your loss

That's the thing isn't it. Not really about death, it's about loss."

Yes, it is. That's the thing, you have to remember that the person you have lost is out of the trials and tribulations of this world and to remember all the precious moments they shared with you. They always stay with you.

So sorry for your loss though. Give it time.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always remember that your nan wouldn't have had it any other way. She would have hated to have to bury you so all is as it should be. Remember her, but let her go.

Please accept our condolences.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I'm sorry for your loss. Remember her love for you and you for her. Be happy that she is not suffering. Allow yourself time to come to terms with it and care for those who also miss her.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you all

i will take the advice

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very sorry to hear this, I wish you well.

People grieve and deal with their loss in many different ways, take your time xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

Bless you, it does become easier in time, you will eventually remember only the lovely times you had with your Nan and smile...until then, crying is something to just live with xxxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reenonionsMan
over a year ago

Nr Exeter

It's already well said,

Hang tough, the world probably feels like a different place and all of a sudden something important is missing.

Then you try to reason it out and then you wake up from dreams in the night where you are with the loved one and you want the dream to be real...

The feeling of anguish never goes away, you just learn to live with it but it makes you a stronger person eventually.

I feel for you..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I feel a deep loss deep inside me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just accept death for what it is final. Doesnt help anyone being down just get on with it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nan's are great, i loved mine and was heart broken when i lost her, she was an amazing women who always had time for you no matter what

Greif affects everyone different, you just need to take one day at a time, what helped me was imagining my Nan having a go at me for moping about, cause i knew she would tell me off is she could lol

Time is a great heeler, you'll never forget but it makes coping easier x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just accept death for what it is final. Doesnt help anyone being down just get on with it."

very helpful

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanksn

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To quote Cicero:

For the life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living. The love which you gave in life sustains beyond death. He who has given love will always live long in another heart.

Sorry for your loss x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ercedes62Woman
over a year ago

Northampton

It is very hard when you lose someone special in your life and as others have said time does help to heal.

We all deal with this differently but try to remember that a part of your Nan lives on in you.

Think of the good times you shared and i hope things get easier for you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you all means a lot and thanks for advice

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry for your loss, take one day at a time. Its early days so give yourself time. My way of coping with the passing of a loved one is that I will see them again one day and they are just in the next room waiting.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eryBigGirlWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

Sorry to hear this Hun I can't imagine losing my Nan as she's such a big part of my life but I did struggle when I lost my grandad who I was specially close to also. The only way I dealt with it was to focus on all the happy memories and remind myself how mad he would be with me for being sad. I also found comfort knowing that actually I hadn't lost him as he would always be with me in my heart as my love for him would never die.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just accept death for what it is final. Doesnt help anyone being down just get on with it."

Wow....such kind words...

Sorry for your loss and as said above only time heals ,we all grieve differently and I have to say to me death isn't final at all its just another path we take,your nan will live on in your thoughts ,memories and heart.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ormerWelshcouple2020Man
over a year ago

Stourbridge

"It's already well said,

Hang tough, the world probably feels like a different place and all of a sudden something important is missing.

Then you try to reason it out and then you wake up from dreams in the night where you are with the loved one and you want the dream to be real...

The feeling of anguish never goes away, you just learn to live with it but it makes you a stronger person eventually.

I feel for you.."

Extremely well put. In particular the last paragraph.

I lost my parents quite young , I was 15 when mum died, and it is still heartbreaking to this day.

I did the usual stuff upper lip thing, I never spoke to anyone about it. I was wrong. Speak to someone close and let it out.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"there is no right or wrong way and it affects us all differently. just take one day at a time. im sorry for your loss"

^^this

Sorry for your loss

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *r and Mrs BiteMeCouple
over a year ago

Belbroughton, Stourbridge

Hugs x x x

Just however feels right for you xxxxx

time does make it better xxx

xxxxxxxxxxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our thoughts are with you xx

AsOthers have said , cherish your memories of your Nan , in time those memories will make you smile and will comfort you , you obviously loved her and she you , she, ll always be a special lady in your heart , take comfort from those memories. Xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks prople

and im sorry to hear that about your parents

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Grief has 5 stages....no time limits, no order...you never get used to that person gone,you learn to live with it. Grief has 3 ways that someone copes with it, again no time limits or order,,,plenty of bereavement support groups out there. Don't be afraid to talk to people and something I never did.,,, do ask for help..sending virtual hugs

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When my mum died about 12 years ago it was a shock even though she had cancer

and i knew she was going to die.

she was my best friend i used to see her nearly every day.

i was frightened to go out for a while because i kept crying and having panic attacks. Luckily i still had my dad to go and see. Then after a while i started to get over it, still miss her but have got sort of used to her not being around.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

Whilst sorting through my Mums effects I came across this that she had writen out, I have changed one of the words for you

If my Nan could have spoke to me before she died

Here are the words she would have said,

Weep for me not and courage take

And love each other for my sake.

Hope these words help

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We're sorry for your loss. I was very close to my can too. She's gone now but she's never left me.I take her everywhere I go.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It takes time ... and things can trigger it all off again and make you upset ,its just feel like a wave coming across but it pass over until next time .. I miss my dad he passed end of Oct we was very very close .And the week he did pass looking back now i was really not myself a sort of madness did take me over i just felt like running away .. its weird but i know when you think family friends should be there to help each other i just wish to escape it all ..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all come into this world, we live and then cease to live leaving just memories behind.

You will die at some point and who ever loves and cares for you at that time will also feel this loss.

When one willingly creates life, it is with the knowledge that they will learn loss, at the very least through losing their creators.

Let time pass and take comfort from the memories you have.

Peace and love bro

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thanks people

and im sorry to hear that about your parents

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ustamysteryWoman
over a year ago

south cumbria

We deal with each death differently. you have to let yourself grieve and each time its different, our thoughts are with you and your famil everyone will have different memories share tnem.Lost my grandparents parents and husband.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel a deep loss deep inside me

I lost my Dad 34 years ago this coming May, when I was 17 (nearly 18). Sure it was traumatic at the time and took me a long time to shape my life in a direction which did not have him as a living part of it.

But I came to realise that I had not 'lost' him - he is still there, in my mind, my imagination and in what I learned from him.

Your Gran is and always will be 'there' for you. The body is just a vessel. It's the person inside it and the effect they had upon, and what they meant to, others that lives on...

Think your Gran knew what good grandson she had....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oddyWoman
over a year ago

between havant and chichester

Beyond the Rainbow...

As much as I loved the life we had and all the times we played,

I was so very tired and knew my time on earth would fade.

I saw a wondrous image then of a place that's trouble-free

Where all of us can meet again to spend eternity.

I saw the most beautiful Rainbow, and on the other side

Where meadows rich and beautiful -- lush and green and wide!

And running through the meadows as far as the eye could see

Where animals of every sort as healthy as could be!

My own tired, failing body was fresh and healed and new

And I wanted to go run with them, but I had something left to do.

I needed to reach out to you, to tell you I'm alright

That this place is truly wonderful, then a bright Glow pierced the night.

'Twas the Glow of many Candles shining bright and strong and bold

And I knew then that it held your love in its brilliant shades of gold.

For although we may not be together in the way we used to be,

We are still connected by a cord no eye can see.

So whenever you need to find me, we're never far apart

If you look beyond the Rainbow and listen with your heart.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find this poem uplifting in times of sorrow, I hope you do too.

Death is nothing at all.

I have only slipped away to the next room.

I am I and you are you.

Whatever we were to each other,

That, we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name.

Speak to me in the easy way

which you always used.

Put no difference into your tone.

Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed

at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household word

that it always was.

Let it be spoken without effect.

Without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.

It is the same that it ever was.

There is absolute unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind

because I am out of sight?

I am but waiting for you.

For an interval.

Somewhere. Very near.

Just around the corner.

All is well.

~ Henry Scott Holland

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"Never lost anyone so close to me my nan

I lost my mum 16 months ago.. and as everyone has said, you deal with it one day at a time...

some of them are good days...

some of them are bad ones....

having a strong unit around helps, and also consider counsiling... the people with mcmillan were fantastic in helping me get thru the toughest times and i can still give them a call on the really rough days......

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ady4ladyWoman
over a year ago

liverpool

Hope it gives a little comfort knowing that so many people are thinking of you and here for you.....

Adult site - yes, also a real good and caring 'community'.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just accept death for what it is final. Doesnt help anyone being down just get on with it."

A graduate from the 'shit happens get over it' school of bereavement counselling

not helpful at all.

OP I'm really sorry to hear about your nan. Big hugs x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find this poem uplifting in times of sorrow, I hope you do too.

Death is nothing at all.

I have only slipped away to the next room.

I am I and you are you.

Whatever we were to each other,

That, we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name.

Speak to me in the easy way

which you always used.

Put no difference into your tone.

Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed

at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household word

that it always was.

Let it be spoken without effect.

Without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.

It is the same that it ever was.

There is absolute unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind

because I am out of sight?

I am but waiting for you.

For an interval.

Somewhere. Very near.

Just around the corner.

All is well.

~ Henry Scott Holland

This was read at my partners funeral.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not heard this poem before but love the words. Very meaningful. X

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ogistical NightmaresCouple
over a year ago

Manchester Area

One phrase to remember ..... "The end of life is not the end of love"....... it gets ya through it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One phrase to remember ..... "The end of life is not the end of love"....... it gets ya through it "
yes your right in saying that ... its true. I will love my dad until my dieing day.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you all

that poem helped thanks

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread