FabSwingers.com forum: Let's all pretend we work in the fab office

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

And it's the first day back after a fab sunny nudist holiday.

Anyone who comments on the thread is automatically staff.

Write a brief 'email' to a 'colleague' on the thread that's work orientated but has a naughty kinky meaning.

69th person to comment is the CEO.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I quit

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I quit"

Good, you were going to be fired anyway!! Don't slam the door in the way out. Xxxx

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By *oxesMan
over a year ago

Southend, Essex

Brenden the bloody manager has been caught maasterbating at work while Brenda been photocopying her ass. This is not appropriate behaviour for the work place.

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By *irtydaddyreturnsMan
over a year ago

corby

What a bummer was on a promise with her and dont have her contacts

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By *ackdaw52Man
over a year ago

Chesterfield

Let's all pretend to be super enthusiastic about a meeting, then bail with an hour to go.

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By *heekyDemandCouple
over a year ago

Leicester

Intra-office memo, please note the health & safety concerns of playing naked musical chairs, the men sat in the chairs whilst the women run round have caused a few injuries, not just standing on people with heels but when jumping down onto a chair there have been reports of snapped banjo strings. Please be more careful and note incidents in the report book.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From: Jennie, Accounts

To: IT Help desk

Morning,

I have been having trouble with attachments. I thinknit is either something to do with the plug-ins or possibly my dongle? The port is giving me trouble - I have noticed the slot is a bit fouled and its difficult sticking anything in there. Anything I do plug in tends to fall out.

It is very frustrating.

Regards,

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By *lexm87Man
over a year ago

Various

Colour scheme for new support items

I understand that, following your leave, you will require a survey and consultation of the colour appropriateness of your supportive clothing items. If you would like to calendar in some time to undertake these assessments, I would be grateful if you could provide photographic evidence of 'white bits' so that we can determine the overall nature of the tanning experience. A selection of work appropriate items, in a range of silks, will be supplied along with refreshments and safety equipment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From: Beans, Joe

To: Woman, Petite

Subject: Further Opportunities

Dear PW,

Hope you're well. I just wanted to get in touch as I was looking for more opportunities in my role and was hope you could assist in aiding me reach my potential.

I'm motivated, highly skilled, and eager to please and really think some 1 to 1 sessions can really help me progress and I'm sure I could rise to the occasion.

Please let me know if this might interest you in any way.

Many Wanks,

Joe

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Note to all.

This is your yearly reminder to get prepared for the secret santa this year. Can I politely remind you that, biodegradable sex toys are not allowed, and can you please refrain from gang bangs, in the canteen at the xmas meal, please use the toilets instead.

Regards

Ms CWP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I quit"

Can I have your stationary?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"From: Beans, Joe

To: Woman, Petite

Subject: Further Opportunities

Dear PW,

Hope you're well. I just wanted to get in touch as I was looking for more opportunities in my role and was hope you could assist in aiding me reach my potential.

I'm motivated, highly skilled, and eager to please and really think some 1 to 1 sessions can really help me progress and I'm sure I could rise to the occasion.

Please let me know if this might interest you in any way.

Many Wanks,

Joe"

*Woody leans over to his colleague

“Hey Joe?,……. Do you know how to delete video files and search history from my PC?……

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"From: Beans, Joe

To: Woman, Petite

Subject: Further Opportunities

Dear PW,

Hope you're well. I just wanted to get in touch as I was looking for more opportunities in my role and was hope you could assist in aiding me reach my potential.

I'm motivated, highly skilled, and eager to please and really think some 1 to 1 sessions can really help me progress and I'm sure I could rise to the occasion.

Please let me know if this might interest you in any way.

Many Wanks,

Joe

*Woody leans over to his colleague

“Hey Joe?,……. Do you know how to delete video files and search history from my PC?……"

Woody! You know the IT helpdesk can still see that stuff right?

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By *heekyDemandCouple
over a year ago

Leicester

Woody! You know the IT helpdesk can still see that stuff right?"

Note from an actual IT help desk guy, we don't need your browser, we log everything that goes through the company firewalls. We are watching everything.

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By *cLovin2Man
over a year ago

Reading

When we play musical chairs at the Christmas party, can it be to the tune of Benny hill?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*pisses in the milk in the fridge*

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By *cLovin2Man
over a year ago

Reading

"*pisses in the milk in the fridge* "

That's one way to make it last longer

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"*pisses in the milk in the fridge* "

I don't know what meds you're on but please can I have the name of them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*Woody leans over to his colleague.

“hey Joe, does your milk taste funny in your coffee?”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Staff notice:

Hi all,

Please remember that as a company we encourage you to take time off for medical appointments! That includes regular sexual health screens, contraceptive advice etc.

Play safely!

(The company will not reimburse you for cost of lube though, don’t take the piss)

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By *cLovin2Man
over a year ago

Reading

"*Woody leans over to his colleague.

“hey Joe, does your milk taste funny in your coffee?”"

McLovin leans over, why does this tea taste so good today? Reminds me of something I tasted before but can't quite put my finger on

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"From: Beans, Joe

To: Woman, Petite

Subject: Further Opportunities

Dear PW,

Hope you're well. I just wanted to get in touch as I was looking for more opportunities in my role and was hope you could assist in aiding me reach my potential.

I'm motivated, highly skilled, and eager to please and really think some 1 to 1 sessions can really help me progress and I'm sure I could rise to the occasion.

Please let me know if this might interest you in any way.

Many Wanks,

Joe"

From: Woman, Petite

To: Beans, Joe

Subject: Further Opportunities

Dear Joe.

Thank you for you interest in more opportunities with your in role. At present there are a backlog of applications that remain unattended to. This is mainly due to the inept staff employed to manage the inbox. However, there are several vacancies at present. Unfortunately you are outside the age range for one of them and the other two roles require a pair or a female member of staff.

Please concentrate on your personal growth each day, usually the morning, and attend to an areas that you feel need your focus accordingly. I would advise approaching other depts or colleagues with the office for any further progression.

Kinky regards

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"*Woody leans over to his colleague.

“hey Joe, does your milk taste funny in your coffee?”

McLovin leans over, why does this tea taste so good today? Reminds me of something I tasted before but can't quite put my finger on

I always thought tea tasted of piss.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

From: Woman, Petite

To: IT, dept

Subject: Spell check

Dear Tech Guys

Could you please come assist me with my spell check application. I will need regular assistance, preferably with two of you once. I seem to be struggling with missing digits and repetitive thrusts that miss the intended target.

Kinky Regards

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By *valanche1001Man
over a year ago

Leeds

"Brenden the bloody manager has been caught maasterbating at work while Brenda been photocopying her ass. This is not appropriate behaviour for the work place."

Surely that’s entirely appropriate behaviour - in the FAB office at least.

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By *ister-mischiefMan
over a year ago

Trafford

Dear HR

Please can you advise why my day Hotel receipts and minibus hire have not been accepted and refunded into my account.

These have been specifically booked for team building exercises as you know.

These were arranged during working hours along with the after hotel coach club tour activities that I organised. This was to enable us to bring the teams to together and bond with twister and pin the plug on Donna games.

I have also been asked if you can ensure that paracetamol can be put into the first aid box. Big dave is still suffering with his reception bonding migraine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"*Woody leans over to his colleague.

“hey Joe, does your milk taste funny in your coffee?”"

I thought that was the coffee! It does taste a bit lemony to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"From: Woman, Petite

To: Beans, Joe

Subject: Further Opportunities

Dear Joe.

Kinky regards

PW"

From: Beans, Joe

To: Woman, Petite

Subject: RE: Further Opportunities

Dear PW,

Thank you for the swift response. I'm disappointed that there are no available openings at the minute, but hopefully some will become available for me so I can get my head down work hard to prove myself.

I'll not put a report into HR about the age discrimination you've put into writing but if there are any rejected female applicants, please send them my way and hopefully we can work together to impress you!

Many thanks,

Sam

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By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago

London

To HR

The floors in the disabled toilet are slippery again. Can you please remind all colleagues that the toilet is the only thing fluids should be going into. I nearly slipped and smacked my head on the rim while attending my relaxing morning defecation.

Yours,

Brucey

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By *cLovin2Man
over a year ago

Reading

"From: Woman, Petite

To: IT, dept

Subject: Spell check

Dear Tech Guys

Kinky Regards

PW"

Dear PW,

Please reboot your computer, if that doesn't fix it, come back and remind me later as I'm busy downloading hardcore porn on this amazing T1 internet connection.

We'd help but my colleague Jed is knocking one out in toilets over the new receptionist. She's so hot! Anyhow we don't really give a crap, and you are wasting my valuable masturbatory period.

Yours truly

The IT Dept.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would anyone like a cup of tea?

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

"Would anyone like a cup of tea? "

Yes. No milk please!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m laughing and sitting in the store room watching this thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And it's the first day back after a fab sunny nudist holiday.

Anyone who comments on the thread is automatically staff.

Write a brief 'email' to a 'colleague' on the thread that's work orientated but has a naughty kinky meaning.

69th person to comment is the CEO.

Dear PW,

I’d just like to say how fantastic it is working alongside Joe Beans. He really is a joy to look at!

Kind regards,

Fluffy Chicken

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maintenance announcement

We discovered the source of the annoying buzzing in the downstairs boardroom

Would the owner or the 8" neon pink vibrating butt plug please collect it from the maintenance stores as soon as possible please

Wonko the handy man

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By *cLovin2Man
over a year ago

Reading

"Would anyone like a cup of tea? "

I'll have one with extra milk, would it be ok if I licked it off your boobs?

Is that a thing? It sure beats drinking it out of a worn out old china mug

Chinese boobs are also acceptable. Let's be equal opportunities about this.

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By *lirtymr_mrsCouple
over a year ago

Stockton-on-Tees

To: All staff

Subject: Staff appraisal

Please remember quarterly appraisals are due this month. Please book some time with your line manager to review conquests, and confirm performances meet with company standards.

A reminder that company policy is for all appraisals to take place in person and without clothes. Exceptions will only be made for staff where HR have agreed they are more attractive clothed than naked.

Staff marked as "exceeding expectations" will receive special benefits this quarter.

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By *lirtymr_mrsCouple
over a year ago

Stockton-on-Tees

Today's safety moment:

Safety spectacles and rubberised non slip gloves to be worn at all times when receiving facials.

All spillages to be cleaned up immediately.

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By *oxesMan
over a year ago

Southend, Essex

"Would anyone like a cup of tea? "

Yes please,no auger thanks

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By *lirtymr_mrsCouple
over a year ago

Stockton-on-Tees

To: Bethany big tits

From: HR

Yes spunk in the eye is a recordable accident and must go in the accident book.

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By *oxesMan
over a year ago

Southend, Essex

So 'Hunk hands female pleaser 69'. Assuming that is your actual name; what is your actual job here?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maintenance announcement

We discovered the source of the annoying buzzing in the downstairs boardroom

Would the owner or the 8" neon pink vibrating butt plug please collect it from the maintenance stores as soon as possible please

Wonko the handy man"

I don’t know how that got there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maintenance announcement

We discovered the source of the annoying buzzing in the downstairs boardroom

Would the owner or the 8" neon pink vibrating butt plug please collect it from the maintenance stores as soon as possible please

Wonko the handy man

I don’t know how that got there.

We are fed up of finding you "belonging" hidden in operational equipment. The next incident will result in an official spanking on your record

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maintenance announcement

We discovered the source of the annoying buzzing in the downstairs boardroom

Would the owner or the 8" neon pink vibrating butt plug please collect it from the maintenance stores as soon as possible please

Wonko the handy man

I don’t know how that got there.

We are fed up of finding you "belonging" hidden in operational equipment. The next incident will result in an official spanking on your record "

Can I counteroffer with a £69 fine instead of the spanking?

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
over a year ago

Essex

"From: Beans, Joe

To: Woman, Petite

Subject: Further Opportunities

Dear PW,

Hope you're well. I just wanted to get in touch as I was looking for more opportunities in my role and was hope you could assist in aiding me reach my potential.

I'm motivated, highly skilled, and eager to please and really think some 1 to 1 sessions can really help me progress and I'm sure I could rise to the occasion.

Please let me know if this might interest you in any way.

Many Wanks,

Joe

From: Woman, Petite

To: Beans, Joe

Subject: Further Opportunities

Dear Joe.

Kinky regards

PW"

To Woman, Petite

From Peaks, Misty

Ref: Job Opportunity

I note that I have relevant skills for this position (or indeed multiple positions)

I am

A) old

B) female

I currently don’t work well within a team, but have been working on this in my free time. I’m very much a people person. I’m a natural leader, although I definitely need to work on my skills in taking direction from others.

I attach my Cuntriculum Vitae for your perusal

Kind regards Misty

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By *ister-mischiefMan
over a year ago

Trafford

To All

Who ever drilled a hole in the ladies toilet cubicle please own up. There is currently a queue of the warehouse lads out the door all along to reception it looks bad for visitors.

Could someone fix it please after I've investigated it first.

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By *lirtymr_mrsCouple
over a year ago

Stockton-on-Tees

"To All

Who ever drilled a hole in the ladies toilet cubicle please own up. There is currently a queue of the warehouse lads out the door all along to reception it looks bad for visitors.

Could someone fix it please after I've investigated it first."

I have fixed the lack of a hole in the male toilets. Warehouse lads are now busy noshing each other off and queue is greatly reduced.

Sorry to any ladies hoping for an afternoon glory break but all the lads look drained and it's only lunchtime.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"*pisses in the milk in the fridge* "

Post it note on milk in fridge:

Donations for the sperm bank - keep sealed.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Walks around sniffs and warns she'll be back in 20 posts...

Carry on ....

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By *KloganMan
over a year ago

Ramsbottom

*…Teams Chat….*

That new data guy downstairs? apparently he’s a freak in the (spread) sheets..

……..

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

Woody! You know the IT helpdesk can still see that stuff right?

Note from an actual IT help desk guy, we don't need your browser, we log everything that goes through the company firewalls. We are watching everything."

Perverts

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"To HR

Yours,

Brucey"

From: KC, Mrs

To: Operations Team

Re: Misuse of disabled toilet facilities

Dear Ops Team,

Please can you send out an "all staff" email to remind everyone that the disabled toilet is not a relaxing place to lay a log at 11:00 on a Tuesday morning. It is an essential facility for those who need the extra space and the handrails for their bodily functions and personal ablutions.

Kind regards,

Mrs KC

PS: Please can you empty the bin in there, it's full of used condoms

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By *lirtymr_mrsCouple
over a year ago

Stockton-on-Tees

"*pisses in the milk in the fridge*

Post it note on milk in fridge:

Donations for the sperm bank - keep sealed. "

Another post it note in the fridge:

Stop spunking in the milk, use the provided spunk pot.

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By *lirtymr_mrsCouple
over a year ago

Stockton-on-Tees

"To HR

Yours,

Brucey

From: KC, Mrs

To: Operations Team

Re: Misuse of disabled toilet facilities

Dear Ops Team,

Kind regards,

Mrs KC

PS: Please can you empty the bin in there, it's full of used condoms

To:all staff

From: Building services

Please stop laying logs on people in the disabled toilet. We have already had some near miss falls on the slippery floors.

Offenders caught in the act will be spanked severely, we are watching.

Toilet will also be out of order next Monday for installation of a bigger bin. Brian from accounts has generously offered to look after any items for the bin whilst it is replaced.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maintenance announcement

We discovered the source of the annoying buzzing in the downstairs boardroom

Would the owner or the 8" neon pink vibrating butt plug please collect it from the maintenance stores as soon as possible please

Wonko the handy man

I don’t know how that got there.

We are fed up of finding you "belonging" hidden in operational equipment. The next incident will result in an official spanking on your record

Can I counteroffer with a £69 fine instead of the spanking? "

We only accept payment in titcoin these days

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The End

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Administration.. Please leave your clothes on way out and kiss my arse. You do not own those glad rags..

Leave them by the lobby

Knickers

Boxers

Boots

Trainers...

Thank you for helping you may leave now. Photo shoot on your way out..

Please make all that noise on your out..quiet lot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I need a pay rise for my services, it's not good I'm giving it away for free.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Free site support for 6 months!!! Woo hoo you’re welcome

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Temp. Observing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To : op

From : Woody

If I offer to do some overtime soon, I’d like to ask for a favour in the future. I hope we can come to some working arrangement.

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By *hav02Man
over a year ago

Glasgow/London

Dear staff,

Fuck-a-Fella Fridays will be reintroduced this Friday for all Gold Members.

The Gloryhole Pods must be booked in advance only.

Can male staff stop using the photocopier for distributing copies of their dicks to the female staff. This is degrading the copy function.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To : Kitchen

From : Woody

I’m starving and haven’t eaten pussy for weeks. Can I please see it on the menu this weekend.

Thanks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"From: Beans, Joe

To: Woman, Petite

Subject: Further Opportunities

Dear PW,

Hope you're well. I just wanted to get in touch as I was looking for more opportunities in my role and was hope you could assist in aiding me reach my potential.

I'm motivated, highly skilled, and eager to please and really think some 1 to 1 sessions can really help me progress and I'm sure I could rise to the occasion.

Please let me know if this might interest you in any way.

Many Wanks,

Joe

From: Woman, Petite

To: Beans, Joe

Subject: Further Opportunities

Dear Joe.

Kinky regards

PW"

Ageist!! HR informed.

Last day temping in this Circus. Pheeeew.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

Work in an office ? Fuck that!!

The mr

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maintenance announcement

We discovered the source of the annoying buzzing in the downstairs boardroom

Would the owner or the 8" neon pink vibrating butt plug please collect it from the maintenance stores as soon as possible please

Wonko the handy man"

Hand it over inperson,by hand.

Not ao handy are you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maintenance announcement

We discovered the source of the annoying buzzing in the downstairs boardroom

Would the owner or the 8" neon pink vibrating butt plug please collect it from the maintenance stores as soon as possible please

Wonko the handy man

I don’t know how that got there.

We are fed up of finding you "belonging" hidden in operational equipment. The next incident will result in an official spanking on your record

Can I counteroffer with a £69 fine instead of the spanking?

We only accept payment in titcoin these days "

"Shitecoin "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maintenance notice

The magnet letters on the maintenance board are to indicate what the maintenance staff are working on and where within the building.

They are not for the staff to practice their rude scrabble words on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do. I get the promotion now?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Do. I get the promotion now? "

Yes you do! You are now officially the CEO.

Do your worst! Pick your staff?

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By *ouple2playCouple
over a year ago

Solihull

Now there’s a CEO, just wanted to check if it’s a first in first out policy? I think if you’re first in I won’t be the first out… x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Now there’s a CEO, just wanted to check if it’s a first in first out policy? I think if you’re first in I won’t be the first out… x"

I'm not in so I can't be out

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