FabSwingers.com forum: Your worst Lonely Hearts ad

By *odgerMoore OP Man
over a year ago

Fulwood

Make it impossible for anyone min their right mind to reply….. the more inappropriate the

Better xx

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By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

Oy girls suck my cock like blackpool rock

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By *odgerMoore OP Man
over a year ago

Fulwood

"Oy girls suck my cock like blackpool rock

Thread closed …..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just look at my profile tbh.

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By *odgerMoore OP Man
over a year ago

Fulwood

"Just look at my profile tbh.

cant be as bad as my current ad for a meet… well one of then !!

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

Rex 47, GSOH, VWEBWC, own home, own teeth. Looking for fresh lady meat to pound like a Jack hammer. Must be able to take cock and balls in both holes. Must go halves with expenses.

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

Tall but underwhelming single man seeks woman for romantic, caring, sensual relationship where sensitivity comes first. No uglies please.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Weird gothy hag seeks occasional fuckmeat to spend most of her time ignoring. No weirdos. No normies.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Once upon a time, there was a single lady who wasn't looking to date. She was content to enjoy the simple things in life, like spending time with friends and family, travelling, reading, doing puzzles, and exploring the world around her. She was happy with her life as it was and never felt the need to settle down with someone. She was content to live life on her own terms and was never afraid to take risks or try something new. Her independence and self-confidence gave her the courage to explore the world and make her own destiny. In the end, she was proud of her choices and knew that she was living the life she wanted.

She didn’t arf miss a good cocking though!

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Anyone fancy a gummy blowjob?

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

I'm really nice I'll worship at your feet I'm really nice did I mention that oh by the way I'm really nice .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm Sally I like nights in and nights out box sets week or too at the beach looking for a luvly man to make memories wiv xxxxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Looking for marriage. And babies.

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"Looking for marriage. And babies. "

Will you marry me I've got no brain cells and loads of money to by nappies with .

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By *estarossa.Woman
over a year ago

Flagrante

I cried last night watching a rom com and wishing it was me getting my happy ever after.

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By *oo..Woman
over a year ago

Boo's World

Face picture attached

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

...."Piers Morgan fan seeks..."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im Selina, 38, GSOH love bums. I hold the world record for fisting the most asses in one family. I enjoy long walks, reading and trifle. Send a photo of your chocolate starfish if you want a reply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Looking for someone to come to my apartment and take some pictures.

J. Dahmer.

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By *929Man
over a year ago

newcastle

Woman wanted to Clean me hoose and cook me bastard tea

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By *hrek101Man
over a year ago

Herts

My real one says "ugly bastard hoping to meet a princess"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Really just want someone to put the bins out on Sunday nights. I hate that job.

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"Really just want someone to put the bins out on Sunday nights. I hate that job. "

Im an amaseing bin putter outer

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

Misery seeks low self esteem, Anal is a must. Non smokers only

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By *ycanNightsMan
over a year ago

Workington

Dickhead. Looking for woman. Must like being tied up beaten and tortured. No weirdos

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

I've I'm down to 60fags aday and two bottles of whisky will accept fat birds i can't get up but you can Cook and clean for me .

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By *odgerMoore OP Man
over a year ago

Fulwood

"Rex 47, GSOH, VWEBWC, own home, own teeth. Looking for fresh lady meat to pound like a Jack hammer. Must be able to take cock and balls in both holes. Must go halves with expenses. "

I knew you wouldn’t let me down!!

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By *odgerMoore OP Man
over a year ago

Fulwood

If id known the calibre of my forum friends before…. You lot have had tears rolling down my face here … I cant stop sniggering and people walking past the car are wondering why im laughing out loud reading my phone… and why i have my cock in a chocolate cream éclair and a rainbow coloured dildo stuck to my forehead …. Because its fucking u’nicorn Tuesday’ - duuuuh!!!

You’re all very damaged and i love you!!

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By *lexm87Man
over a year ago

Various

'Hi'

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"Dickhead. Looking for woman. Must like being tied up beaten and tortured. No weirdos

Fuck.

I was sold until that last bit.

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"Dickhead. Looking for woman. Must like being tied up beaten and tortured. No weirdos

Fuck.

I was sold until that last bit."

I'll accept weirdos

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whatever I’ve been doing for the last 10 years seems to be working just fine…

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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago

Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds

"Make it impossible for anyone min their right mind to reply….. the more inappropriate the

Better xx

Looking for someone to love and grow on

H(erpes)

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By *orphia2003Woman
over a year ago

Tonypandy.

Grumpy old fat Welsh dragon, with an obsession for craft beer and strap-ons.

Seeks someone to be there when she wants them, and to fuck off when she doesn't. Must be able to work around her odd shift pattern.

Must be able to accommodate and accept that I will turn up d*unk and bearing gifts of kebab at random times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unlucky Male six times married and six times widowed looking for that special lucky number seven lady , someone who is hopefully solvent and owns a large house to keep me in the style I deserve x

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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago

Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds

"Grumpy old fat Welsh dragon, with an obsession for craft beer and strap-ons.

Seeks someone to be there when she wants them, and to fuck off when she doesn't. Must be able to work around her odd shift pattern.

Must be able to accommodate and accept that I will turn up d*unk and bearing gifts of kebab at random times.

You had me at kebab!

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

Rural-living loner seeks outdoor-loving woman to visit him once in a while. Must enjoy cooking, cleaning and chopping firewood. Due to remote location, 4x4 car is essential.

Please send photo of car.

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By *odgerMoore OP Man
over a year ago

Fulwood

Shy Virgo male - likes country walks, quiet nights in and occasional nights out to the theatre, ballet & fine dining… seeks homely soulmate to spend quality time together - must be interested in world affairs and happy to exchange ideas and views on them. Happy to accept cum gargling cock whore with big tits that likes anal however!!

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By *ickshawedCouple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

Wanted: well endowed man age 40-45. Must have own teeth and good feet. Cock pictures required. To be sent via my mother who vets them for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wanted: well endowed man age 40-45. Must have own teeth and good feet. Cock pictures required. To be sent via my mother who vets them for me."

I think I've had too much wine as I read "good teeth and own feet" and nodded sagely.

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Vigin male seek experienced woman bit like me mum

Who like to give me baths and breastfeed me.and doesn't

Mind when I wee the bed .

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By *sleWightCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Ryde

Solvent guy seeks woman for fun times.

Own home with crawlspace.

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By *ixenitedWoman
over a year ago

Here or There abouts

Knocking on 40, own hair bucktoothed disney fan seeks prince charming, a gentleman in the streets a beast beneath the streets for long walks on the beach and using my fuckholes all good an proper like. I will forget your name, for turn upto your workplace baring pork pies and confessing my undying love for you, oh and I expect to give your anus a damn good bumming

any takers? lol

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By *odgerMoore OP Man
over a year ago

Fulwood

"Knocking on 40, own hair bucktoothed disney fan seeks prince charming, a gentleman in the streets a beast beneath the streets for long walks on the beach and using my fuckholes all good an proper like. I will forget your name, for turn upto your workplace baring pork pies and confessing my undying love for you, oh and I expect to give your anus a damn good bumming

any takers? lol

Hang on thats my tinder profile ffs!!!

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

"Oy girls suck my cock like blackpool rock

Ohh I love crunching rock

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By *ixenitedWoman
over a year ago

Here or There abouts

any takers? lol

Hang on thats my tinder profile ffs!!!

tinder or grinder?

are you the tinder swindler?

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Young hotel owner see lady to test out showers

Don't worry this above bord my mother will shaparon.

Just call Norman at the bates motel .

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By *ixenitedWoman
over a year ago

Here or There abouts

"Young hotel owner see lady to test out showers

Don't worry this above bord my mother will shaparon.

Just call Norman at the bates motel ."

I dont know, you sound a lil psycho to me

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By *odgerMoore OP Man
over a year ago

Fulwood

any takers? lol

Hang on thats my tinder profile ffs!!!

tinder or grinder?

are you the tinder swindler?

"
you’ve swapped all the genders too….

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By *ixenitedWoman
over a year ago

Here or There abouts

any takers? lol

Hang on thats my tinder profile ffs!!!

tinder or grinder?

are you the tinder swindler?

you’ve swapped all the genders too….

Have I?

thanks for telling me I wasn't aware

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
over a year ago

Essex

I’m a clear 3/10 looking to pull a 9/10. I’m lazy in the sack, insist on you buying dinner.

But I have tits so check me out….

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"Young hotel owner see lady to test out showers

Don't worry this above bord my mother will shaparon.

Just call Norman at the bates motel .

I dont know, you sound a lil psycho to me

Then try this .

Lonely man slightly disabled with spikes come out between his fingers quite rugged designer stubble and occasional mutton chops dont say a lot seeks female

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I've had the best, now I'm making do with the rest of you lot.

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
over a year ago

Essex

"Young hotel owner see lady to test out showers

Don't worry this above bord my mother will shaparon.

Just call Norman at the bates motel .

I dont know, you sound a lil psycho to me

Then try this .

Lonely man slightly disabled with spikes come out between his fingers quite rugged designer stubble and occasional mutton chops dont say a lot seeks female

In in!! Quite adamant(ium) about that

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By *ixenitedWoman
over a year ago

Here or There abouts

"Young hotel owner see lady to test out showers

Don't worry this above bord my mother will shaparon.

Just call Norman at the bates motel .

I dont know, you sound a lil psycho to me

Then try this .

Lonely man slightly disabled with spikes come out between his fingers quite rugged designer stubble and occasional mutton chops dont say a lot seeks female

lol Hmm is your name Freddy?

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"Young hotel owner see lady to test out showers

Don't worry this above bord my mother will shaparon.

Just call Norman at the bates motel .

I dont know, you sound a lil psycho to me

Then try this .

Lonely man slightly disabled with spikes come out between his fingers quite rugged designer stubble and occasional mutton chops dont say a lot seeks female

lol Hmm is your name Freddy? "

No silly I'm Logan otherwise called wolveverine

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By *ixenitedWoman
over a year ago

Here or There abouts

"Young hotel owner see lady to test out showers

Don't worry this above bord my mother will shaparon.

Just call Norman at the bates motel .

I dont know, you sound a lil psycho to me

Then try this .

Lonely man slightly disabled with spikes come out between his fingers quite rugged designer stubble and occasional mutton chops dont say a lot seeks female

lol Hmm is your name Freddy?

No silly I'm Logan otherwise called wolveverine

Ohhhh ok, never seen it lol

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"Young hotel owner see lady to test out showers

Don't worry this above bord my mother will shaparon.

Just call Norman at the bates motel .

I dont know, you sound a lil psycho to me

Then try this .

Lonely man slightly disabled with spikes come out between his fingers quite rugged designer stubble and occasional mutton chops dont say a lot seeks female

lol Hmm is your name Freddy?

No silly I'm Logan otherwise called wolveverine

Ohhhh ok, never seen it lol "

You've seen Hugh Jackman thought so have got a date

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By *ixenitedWoman
over a year ago

Here or There abouts

"Young hotel owner see lady to test out showers

Don't worry this above bord my mother will shaparon.

Just call Norman at the bates motel .

I dont know, you sound a lil psycho to me

Then try this .

Lonely man slightly disabled with spikes come out between his fingers quite rugged designer stubble and occasional mutton chops dont say a lot seeks female

lol Hmm is your name Freddy?

No silly I'm Logan otherwise called wolveverine

Ohhhh ok, never seen it lol

You've seen Hugh Jackman thought so have got a date"

Yup, Your in

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

‘Single guy with smegma encrustation. Apply within for the time of your life.’

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"Young hotel owner see lady to test out showers

Don't worry this above bord my mother will shaparon.

Just call Norman at the bates motel .

I dont know, you sound a lil psycho to me

Then try this .

Lonely man slightly disabled with spikes come out between his fingers quite rugged designer stubble and occasional mutton chops dont say a lot seeks female

lol Hmm is your name Freddy?

No silly I'm Logan otherwise called wolveverine

Ohhhh ok, never seen it lol

You've seen Hugh Jackman thought so have got a date

Yup, Your in

Thought I might be don't tell the wife or the press I'm on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Blind as a bat, middle aged, dumpling seeks tall man to get rid of cobwebs and creepy crawlies

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"Blind as a bat, middle aged, dumpling seeks tall man to get rid of cobwebs and creepy crawlies "

Fuck. Yes I'm up for that

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

I do dragons at slightly extra cost.

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Back to the topic .

Portly Older gentleman work CLP days of the year has number of reindeer to feed seek lady for the rest of time

Must like dressing up and sitting on my knee.

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By *uckmonkeyMan
over a year ago

devon

My mummy said it’s time to move out……I’m looking for big boobies (hehe) attached to a woman (hehe). I’m a good catch and would love to lose my virginity with the right woman (hehe) and my mummy has showed me how it works buy using some toys (hehe). I’m 50 this year and I’m looking for women between 18-20…

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By *hroatQueen_CATV/TS
over a year ago

Carlisle

Sassy ass unicorn looking for a dom and sensual man with a big todger that fucks like Dirk Diggler! Please don't be boring and have good bants. You must have humour and be able to handle sass and jokes! It's not a dick don't take it so hard. A handyman too must be good with your tools! Please don't be a bellend. Thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Gun toting 4wd hunting fishing 4wd loving female looking for man. ... Oh wait I have one with the same values. Carry on.

Did I mentioned beards?

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

I've been living with my girlfriend for the past 5 years, she died a year ago and it's starting to smell quite a bit in the house now.

Must be good with cleaning, keeping secrets and very discreet

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By *cotty_01ukMan
over a year ago

birmingham

Here's a broom it works both ways haha

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"Young hotel owner see lady to test out showers

Don't worry this above bord my mother will shaparon.

Just call Norman at the bates motel .

I dont know, you sound a lil psycho to me

Then try this .

Lonely man slightly disabled with spikes come out between his fingers quite rugged designer stubble and occasional mutton chops dont say a lot seeks female

In in!! Quite adamant(ium) about that

How did I miss your reply . gooday shelia

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By *odgerMoore OP Man
over a year ago

Fulwood

Stallion 57 seeks skilled rider - to tongue punch my fartpipe - preferably a bit thick with big tits and likes cooking and cleaning, ironing, shopping…. Must have car, big house and savings…and nice looking mates and/or relations!

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

Slightly depressive cross dresser anticipating end of civilisation as we know it seeking ladies to share survival bunker. Please bring own PPE and plenty of greek yoghurt.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Close your eyes, hold your nose and dive in !

I'm yours..

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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago

Fabville

Fat middle-aged woman seeks silver fox who doesn't mind the wobbly bits.

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Love this thread .

34 year old sex addict male need s

10 women day to satisfy bare back of course get in touch .

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Single 40 something guy, living in a van, seeks company to keep him warm on a cold winters night because there's no heating. Preferably someone who owns their own washing machine to clean his wank sock weekly and who won't mind him popping round for a shit when he's had a dodgy kebab three days in a row because the camping stove ran out of gas. Knowledge of engine mechanics an advantage otherwise you'll have a wreck parked on your driveway for months.

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

Looking for someone with a big heart - the last one I had has stopped beating...

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Its been 20 ago today st pepper taught his band to play its been going in out of style but I thought it might make you smile .so let me introduce to you the one and only

Billy spears ageing rocker seek

Chair and a Lady to look after him .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Weird gothy hag seeks occasional fuckmeat to spend most of her time ignoring. No weirdos. No normies."

I was good till the no weirdos

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm wonko

The best you'll never want

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"Weird gothy hag seeks occasional fuckmeat to spend most of her time ignoring. No weirdos. No normies.

I was good till the no weirdos

Yes wonko that seamed to be a match made in heaven but never mind plenty more fish I'm the sea

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Talking of which .

Very salty fisherman. Seeks fishwife

Must be equally stinky enjoy rum and Sea shanties and oilly woolly jumpers .

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