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Dommespace

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

subspace is a term used in bdsm to describe state of being which can include a trance-like euphoria of overtly intense emotions after or during a scene. Most people into bdsm know about this and respect boundaries surrounding subspace.

However what about Dommespace?

After a particularly stimulating session I do like to take a step back and bask in my post play glow. Quite often at clubs or events I find my "down time" being interrupted by people who feel the need to tell me that they'd enjoyed watching me or to ask me if i want to play with them. Almost like I'm some kind of kink vending machine. Do other Dommes/Doms on here find that their "aftercare" needs are overlooked?

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By *renzMan
over a year ago

Between Chichester and Havant

Usually from people who have no idea. I've never suffered from it, knowingly, certainly not at the time but have had problems with a sub I used to play with. Touching toys too, which is extremely frowned upon and most in the kink community wouldn't do it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I am guilty of not allowing my Subs to give me aftercare when in reality I really need it sometimes. I am a pleasure Dom so quite often the submissive has been worked to the point where they just want cuddles or sleep.

I have set up a separate bed now so I can actually after a DS play session go an take time to decompress and evaluate x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dom(me) space is real and massively overlooked. Especially, for me, after a heavier session and sometimes feeling guilty on marks I may have left during impact play, although all agreed.

Dominance does not mean strength and submission does not mean weakness, it’s a state of mind, that’s where it starts and ends, and for that reason the Dominant may need, and is fully allowed aftercare.

The issue can come when sub and Dom(me) space happens at the same time and who’s need is the greater

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think I am guilty of not allowing my Subs to give me aftercare when in reality I really need it sometimes. I am a pleasure Dom so quite often the submissive has been worked to the point where they just want cuddles or sleep.

I have set up a separate bed now so I can actually after a DS play session go an take time to decompress and evaluate x"

I think just having that time to process is invaluable. In a residential setting it's easier to have some chill time. At clubs I find it more intrusive. I've been in a quite corner with my eyes closed drink in hand just swaying to the background music only to open my eyes and have a stranger bombarding me with questions.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I've seen the other half suffer from Dom drop and generally not spoken about as much as sub drop.

I think after play both partners need to be aware that the other may drop. I couldn't cope with talking to others when in space or drop. It's a really delicate time. I've no advice but I completely get it

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dom(me) space is real and massively overlooked. Especially, for me, after a heavier session and sometimes feeling guilty on marks I may have left during impact play, although all agreed.

Dominance does not mean strength and submission does not mean weakness, it’s a state of mind, that’s where it starts and ends, and for that reason the Dominant may need, and is fully allowed aftercare.

The issue can come when sub and Dom(me) space happens at the same time and who’s need is the greater "

Very well put x

I think when there are marks and things have got very emotional for the sub the Domme/Doms needs can get overlooked.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've seen the other half suffer from Dom drop and generally not spoken about as much as sub drop.

I think after play both partners need to be aware that the other may drop. I couldn't cope with talking to others when in space or drop. It's a really delicate time. I've no advice but I completely get it "

I think the need for aftercare for subs is very much instilled within the scene but not as much consideration is shown for the Domme/Doms.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

I think everyone needs aftercare, I had a sub just get dressed and walk out after playing one day, it's really affected me and I haven't done anything on Domme level since. No chance to chat or evaluate.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"I've seen the other half suffer from Dom drop and generally not spoken about as much as sub drop.

I think after play both partners need to be aware that the other may drop. I couldn't cope with talking to others when in space or drop. It's a really delicate time. I've no advice but I completely get it

I think the need for aftercare for subs is very much instilled within the scene but not as much consideration is shown for the Domme/Doms. "

Totally agree and I personally think it needs addressing. As a sub I'm super concious of Dom drop. And I try my best to make sure we're both good after a scene, though I will admit it is sometimes difficult.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think everyone needs aftercare, I had a sub just get dressed and walk out after playing one day, it's really affected me and I haven't done anything on Domme level since. No chance to chat or evaluate. "

Did you speak to them about it on another occasion?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't class myself as a domme or even really someone who is into or practices BDSM.

However I do love certain things and when I've been doing those certain things, there's a definite rush and thrill and almost like a calmness that washes over me. It's more than satisfaction, I can't really put a name or a word to it but it's the only time it happens.

I enjoy reveling in it and even more so being able to indulge in those moments with a partner. Snuggles, pillow talk and gentle touch. It's heavenly.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I don't class myself as a domme or even really someone who is into or practices BDSM.

However I do love certain things and when I've been doing those certain things, there's a definite rush and thrill and almost like a calmness that washes over me. It's more than satisfaction, I can't really put a name or a word to it but it's the only time it happens.

I enjoy reveling in it and even more so being able to indulge in those moments with a partner. Snuggles, pillow talk and gentle touch. It's heavenly. "

Just chilling and letting the brain release those happy hormones x bliss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't class myself as a domme or even really someone who is into or practices BDSM.

However I do love certain things and when I've been doing those certain things, there's a definite rush and thrill and almost like a calmness that washes over me. It's more than satisfaction, I can't really put a name or a word to it but it's the only time it happens.

I enjoy reveling in it and even more so being able to indulge in those moments with a partner. Snuggles, pillow talk and gentle touch. It's heavenly.

Just chilling and letting the brain release those happy hormones x bliss"

Its essential and I notice I actually can really struggle without that

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

I think in clubs if I go into my headspace then I’m not aware of people around or watching.

I quite enjoy the recognition afterwards but I never say yes to play with others. As you say OP, you aren’t toys or commodities.

At home, we tend to have sex soon after a session, adding it in the scene, to ensure we get that closeness and we get our rewards as if we are preparing ourselves for the real world again.

Talking definitely helps - hearing from differing viewpoints and keeping the euphoric feeling going too. I quite enjoy the headspace afterwards.

K

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think in clubs if I go into my headspace then I’m not aware of people around or watching.

I quite enjoy the recognition afterwards but I never say yes to play with others. As you say OP, you aren’t toys or commodities.

At home, we tend to have sex soon after a session, adding it in the scene, to ensure we get that closeness and we get our rewards as if we are preparing ourselves for the real world again.

Talking definitely helps - hearing from differing viewpoints and keeping the euphoric feeling going too. I quite enjoy the headspace afterwards.

K

"

Well you guys really seem to have warmth and after care bonding figured out. Thank you for sharing

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills


"subspace is a term used in bdsm to describe state of being which can include a trance-like euphoria of overtly intense emotions after or during a scene. Most people into bdsm know about this and respect boundaries surrounding subspace.

However what about Dommespace?

After a particularly stimulating session I do like to take a step back and bask in my post play glow. Quite often at clubs or events I find my "down time" being interrupted by people who feel the need to tell me that they'd enjoyed watching me or to ask me if i want to play with them. Almost like I'm some kind of kink vending machine. Do other Dommes/Doms on here find that their "aftercare" needs are overlooked?

"

To me, sub space is the shift from conscious (domestic) awareness to (as mentioned) exotic trance state.

How to achieve this American George Miller is your friend with his study of conscience awareness and +\-7 theories.

This allows pushing of sexuality releasing massive hormonal response especially endorphins, the deeper the trance, the greater the drop down to normal levels is for all parties and gender

countering the drop is not often found in porn.

Experience creates understanding.

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By *ycanNightsMan
over a year ago

Workington

For me ...the aftercare I provide kinda works for me on that level too. I dont usually feel I need something else in addition. But I do usually feel I need that time for me as well them.

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

The need for aftercare for both sub and Dom/me is absolutely crucial. It’s something I’ve always seen as being part of my responsibility as a good sub

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth


"I think everyone needs aftercare, I had a sub just get dressed and walk out after playing one day, it's really affected me and I haven't done anything on Domme level since. No chance to chat or evaluate.

Did you speak to them about it on another occasion? "

No, haven't seen him since, and I probably won't again.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think everyone needs aftercare, I had a sub just get dressed and walk out after playing one day, it's really affected me and I haven't done anything on Domme level since. No chance to chat or evaluate.

Did you speak to them about it on another occasion?

No, haven't seen him since, and I probably won't again. "

This is the kind of selfish subbing that gets my goat. Hate that "head fuck" zone where it leaves you thinking " is it something that I've done" when in reality it's just someone using you as a tick off the bucket list.

Sadly there are Lots of needy, greedy "subs" out there.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The need for aftercare for both sub and Dom/me is absolutely crucial. It’s something I’ve always seen as being part of my responsibility as a good sub "

Indeed, it's that mutual taking care of each other that strengthen the bond

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