FabSwingers.com forum: Communication

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Are you good at communicating with the person you’re having sex with? Do you let them know if what they’re doing isn’t working for you, or do you just go with it and hope they eventually work it out?

Are you happy for your partner to give you feedback during?

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I'm actually very good at it I think.

I mean... I've always got my point across. Even if I've ended up saying "oh no. No. That will never do".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think this is so important especially with a brand new person. Why not make the sex the best it can possibly be for all involved.

I would hate to keep doing something if the other person wasn't into it.

Body language is really important too though I think people forget that it's communication also.

I like to think I'm good at reading people but obviously I'm not a mind reader and love feedback as long as it's done nicely. I will always speak up if something doesn't work for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Communication Is key to everything without it we be lost

I would prefer someone communicated with me and told me what I was doing wrong for them and gude me on what they like

If someone can’t take criticism and help then are they really someone you want to have sex with agein or continue to have sex with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have been having sex with each other gir over 20yrs so know exactly what each other likes and gets turned on by.

But with someone else yes would want to know their likes and vice versa

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm actually very good at it I think.

I mean... I've always got my point across. Even if I've ended up saying "oh no. No. That will never do"."

I like this approach. Definitely no mixed signals there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Something that's come more regular in F's sex communication is "oh FUUUck, don't stop!!"

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I like communication I'd hate to carry on doing something someone didn't like, that's no fun for either of us.

I'd rather say something than lay there thinking when will this end although with new people I'm slightly more apprehensive depends how comfortable I am sometimes nerves can take over.

Mrs

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"I'm actually very good at it I think.

I mean... I've always got my point across. Even if I've ended up saying "oh no. No. That will never do".

I like this approach. Definitely no mixed signals there

I have also used "I'm going to have to stop you there a moment"

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

This is a real weak spot for me. I don't know if it's because I don't want to hurt their feelings or because it just feels awkward.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

"Body language is really important too though I think people forget that it's communication also."

I’m on team body language too. I think it’s the biggest part of communication where sex is concerned. I’d go as far as to say that words are nice, as an extra … but movement, reaction and expressions are what really works.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I need honest and open communication

If I am not for you then tell me, I am an adult, better than to be ghosted or left thinking.

If we are in bed together then tell me what you like or if something needs to be done differently. We are not all the same and different things please different people and even the way it is done, such as oral both ways.

I don’t see it that I’d be upset if you wanted a different technique, I’d be upset if you let me continue and you didn’t get anything from it

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

"I have also used "I'm going to have to stop you there a moment"

“I’mma let you finish, but …”

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"I have also used "I'm going to have to stop you there a moment"

“I’mma let you finish, but …”

Exactly! You've said it too...

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

If I need to do this with words I think I’m with the wrong person.

There’s a time and place for verbal communication and during sex isn’t one of them in my opinion , it’s a time of intuition and reading each other non verbally.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

I'm getting much better at it now, I never used to be able to talk about it at all, probably why I had so much disappointing sex! I'll even get the toys out to help things along.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"This is a real weak spot for me. I don't know if it's because I don't want to hurt their feelings or because it just feels awkward."

I get that, Especially if it’s with someone new. You aren’t sure on how they’ll take it. I find saying something positive rather than highlighting the negatives works well.

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By *ddkkk91Man
over a year ago

fife

"Are you good at communicating with the person you’re having sex with? Do you let them know if what they’re doing isn’t working for you, or do you just go with it and hope they eventually work it out?

Are you happy for your partner to give you feedback during?

I try to... i would happily say if something is not working and would glady take the same on board.

At the end of the day we are both having sex for mutual pleasure.

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By *ormalfornorfolkMan
over a year ago

Norwich

Put it in an email…

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By *razzyhorseMan
over a year ago

cambridge

"This is a real weak spot for me. I don't know if it's because I don't want to hurt their feelings or because it just feels awkward."

Would rather someone communicate honestly if things are working or not. Hope they would make you feel comfortable enough that any awkwardness would be forgotten.

Most people are great, who are just as nervous and awkward. Every experience is better with a kind word and a smile

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

Very communicative. Not every tiny detail or running commentary but still I communicate.

Please do return that. I have no problem being told I'm doing it wrong. I don't want or need to be taught the basics or have my hand guided every step of the way. But if I'm doing something that's not great, or you prefer it another wya tell me.

It may be a slight hit to the ego, but it's not going to offend me or put me off.

All that said, I need a connection to enjoy sex with somebody so by then I'm comfortable with them anyway. Maybe that plays it's part but I like to think if in a situation with a stranger I would still enjoy full communication.

People have bad sex because they don't communicate. People have bad sex because others are lead to believe what they are doing "works". People have bad sex because some people don't listen.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

"Body language is really important too though I think people forget that it's communication also.

It is but it is also easy to misread too. What you may think is what they are "saying" may not be quite that. Which leads to miscommunication based on an assumption, even an educated one.

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By *he love catsCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

Yes when meeting regularly with the same people, if it's just a few meets probably not going into it unless things change.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Something that's come more regular in F's sex communication is "oh FUUUck, don't stop!!" "

I hope you listened!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

communication, in all its forms.

Body language, facial expression ( have one of those even if I don't say it my face probably will faces)

Exploring reactions, the way their breathing changes, the way kisses change from tender to hungry, when they look a bit flushed, a lip bite to a full on moan or growl in my ear. Sometimes a look is enough to know. Or when they grab my hair or pull me closer. Even when they reach to just touch anything that can in that moment.

However I also love words. I want all the feedback and I want to always be better. If honest I want a bit of praise too. It makes me feel good. Tell me what you loved, tell me why but also tell me if something isn't doing it for you, I'd be gutted if I thought the person I was with is just going through the motions and not really into it all. Likewise I'll let someone know in all of the same ways.

It matters so much and if the communication doesn't work, not much else will either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you happy for your partner to give you feedback during?

Definitely, had a girl this weekend so let me play for a while before she told me it wasn't working for her. So we managed to do something else that did work.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Very communicative. Not every tiny detail or running commentary but still I communicate.

It may be a slight hit to the ego, but it's not going to offend me or put me off.

People have bad sex because they don't communicate. People have bad sex because others are lead to believe what they are doing "works". People have bad sex because some people don't listen. "

Yeah that would be a bit much and probably put me off to be honest. If they felt they had to guide me through it, I’d hazard a guess that we really weren’t compatible or I’m just really shit in bed

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

Si senorita.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

"Very communicative. Not every tiny detail or running commentary but still I communicate.

It may be a slight hit to the ego, but it's not going to offend me or put me off.

People have bad sex because they don't communicate. People have bad sex because others are lead to believe what they are doing "works". People have bad sex because some people don't listen.

Exactly.

The thing is if you are with 10 people, the first 9 absolutely love you doing this 1 thing. Then it comes to the 10th and you do that thing... And nothing. You kind of know it's not working by body language etc but then what do they like instead? Do you fumble around with the basics in the hope of finding it, or ask/be told?

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Covent Garden

I often tell myself there is no such thing as 'formulaic sex' and this is certainly true when meeting a new partner.

Most of my fulfilling encounters have occured with communication at the core: the peppering of gentle persuasions, subtle coaxing and whispering the 'asks and tells' so that both people feel mutually relaxed and pleasured.

Seriously, I'm still learning and will continue to do so, and I will never reach my zenith because each experience is different.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"Very communicative. Not every tiny detail or running commentary but still I communicate.

It may be a slight hit to the ego, but it's not going to offend me or put me off.

People have bad sex because they don't communicate. People have bad sex because others are lead to believe what they are doing "works". People have bad sex because some people don't listen.

Exactly.

Neither , you use your creativity and skills and maybe you both laugh a little as you figure it together and enjoy the discovery. If I ask to ask directly I feel I’ve failed as a lover or we don’t have that chemistry that’s crucial.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

It's gone both ways. For some communication is criticism. Other times words, observation and non verbal communication have elevated the experience.

Some will not communicate in the moment but after...........'next time could you......' That can be endearing.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

"Very communicative. Not every tiny detail or running commentary but still I communicate.

It may be a slight hit to the ego, but it's not going to offend me or put me off.

People have bad sex because they don't communicate. People have bad sex because others are lead to believe what they are doing "works". People have bad sex because some people don't listen.

Exactly.

And yet some of the best sexual partners I've had are because i asked. Funny that isn't it. It's not black and white.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

communication, in all its forms.

Body language, facial expression ( have one of those even if I don't say it my face probably will faces)

It matters so much and if the communication doesn't work, not much else will either. "

A big yes to all the praise, I love it!. Communicating with each other doesn’t have to mean focusing on the negatives. Letting your partner know when they’re doing something that feels good and redirecting them to that can work better than saying “that was a bit shit, can we do something else instead”.

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By *ddkkk91Man
over a year ago

fife

communication, in all its forms.

Body language, facial expression ( have one of those even if I don't say it my face probably will faces)

It matters so much and if the communication doesn't work, not much else will either.

Isnt that how we all improve? By getting feedback and learning from it.

For example, this doesnt work for me.. why dont we try it this way.

Or in other direction: this work amazingly, do not stop it.

Either way, it will be beneficial but thats just my view.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Very communicative. Not every tiny detail or running commentary but still I communicate.

It may be a slight hit to the ego, but it's not going to offend me or put me off.

People have bad sex because they don't communicate. People have bad sex because others are lead to believe what they are doing "works". People have bad sex because some people don't listen.

Exactly.

But how do you figure it out without communicating? Because I know in the past I’ve been guilty of faking enjoyment because I felt too shy to say anything (I don’t do this now). Asking directly if they are enjoying it doesn’t have to be unsexy or kill the mood in my opinion.

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

I'd say to start off with things can be a bit awkward or can be nervous voicing dislikes.

Saying that - when I'm enjoying something, it is very very obvious

I'm much better at communicating now than I used to be which I think comes from confidence of knowing what good sex is

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By *apidaryMan
over a year ago

Chipping Norton

Communication is everything. Verbal, non verbal, sounds, touches, gasps. To be able to talk easily, to laugh and to swap without pausing for breath from laughter to aching desirous seriousness, is a great advantage. That's why there had to be emotional connection and trust, which are joys in themselves and an essential part of the physical joy. They don't have to have taken a lifetime or a marriage to have built up, but they have to be there. And if the pleasure of the communication doesn't continue after the climax, leaving you both simultaneously sated and pleased and looking forward to the next bout, then a golden opportunity has been missed.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

I'm not a big talker during sex but if something isn't working then I'll definitely say so

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By *mber81Woman
over a year ago

Lives in Preston, Eng

I love verbal feedback. I want to learn about the person I am with. I want to understand thier desires and enjoyment. Also communicating during sex allows nuance of slight changes of pressure or movements etc to hit that perfect place for that person.

Someone that likes me to communicate during also allows me to be in the moment and not mentally taking notes for later.

Plus it is a massive turn on to hear someone communicate thier wants.

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By *ooleyMan
over a year ago

preston

Feedback comes in two forms.

1) Delicious moans and a writhing body lets me know I'm on the right path.

2) Actual verbal "no, try there.." instructions are always appreciated.

We're in the same bed I'm thinking about your pleasure, so love to hear what you want to happen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you happy for your partner to give you feedback during?

Everyone’s a critic

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
over a year ago

Essex

"I'm actually very good at it I think.

I mean... I've always got my point across. Even if I've ended up saying "oh no. No. That will never do".

I like this approach. Definitely no mixed signals there

I have also used "I'm going to have to stop you there a moment"

I’m using this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think if you're able to be intimate with someone you should also be able and willing to give and take advice and guidance from each other.

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

Don’t have to let my husband know as we know what each other likes and dislikes.

We do like having conversations with people beforehand and I will try and gauge their enjoyment from body language.I will also try and steer them in the right direction if it’s something I’m not enjoying..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Something that's come more regular in F's sex communication is "oh FUUUck, don't stop!!"

I hope you listened! "

Always, however the last time was slightly difficult not to stop as I was in the midst of an orgasm myself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m totally into communication before, during and , hopefully, after….

I think it’s so important for both parties so expectations are met…I can’t imagine such an intimate act without communication.

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