FabSwingers.com forum: No sex at home

By *eighton40 OP Man
over a year ago

liverpool

When I go without sex for long periods my mental health takes a nose dive I start to get paranoid. upset.angry n very hurt .but partner thinks sex 3 weeks to up to 1 time in 5 weeks is ok this topic has caursed lots of arguments n so on I have a high sex drive but clearly she dosnt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So dump her and get one that will fuck you when you ask.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Difficult when you’re in a relationship with different urges.

Have you considered trying therapy to find out what makes lack of sex have such an effect on your mental health?

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By *antric_lover77Woman
over a year ago

south east

Hence why there's alot of men on fab. It's difficult for a woman as we're not sexually driven the same way as men, hence why you should try swinging.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

You can't push your paranoia and upset on someone not giving you sex.

If sex is causing arguments I wouldn't want it either, gives me a negative association with it.

Can't you talk civilly and find out why she's wanting less sex?

For me sex starts in the day, the little flirting with each other, the shows of affection etc.... If that's not there neither is my want for sex.

Maybe go back to basics start dating again get that spark back?

Mrs

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By *antric_lover77Woman
over a year ago

south east

For me I get easily bored and don't have the motivation to have sex regularly with the same person over years or months. For me variety is the spice of life. Is your partner a swinger? Or are you on here without her knowledge?

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By *antric_lover77Woman
over a year ago

south east

"You can't push your paranoia and upset on someone not giving you sex.

If sex is causing arguments I wouldn't want it either, gives me a negative association with it.

Can't you talk civilly and find out why she's wanting less sex?

For me sex starts in the day, the little flirting with each other, the shows of affection etc.... If that's not there neither is my want for sex.

Maybe go back to basics start dating again get that spark back?

Mrs "

Yeah foreplay would help massively to encourage the woman to want to have sex with you. Too often men, especially on fab just say are you available, let's fuck and it just doesn't get your juices wet. I totally retract from it if there's no flirting or anything else to get me going.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your issues are unlikely due to lack of sex. Someone pestering me for sex will turn me off.

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By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago

London

"For me I get easily bored and don't have the motivation to have sex regularly with the same person over years or months. For me variety is the spice of life. Is your partner a swinger? Or are you on here without her knowledge? "

I'm exactly this too

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By *he Kat 666Woman
over a year ago

Salisbury

Rub one out to x.hamster.... yall be reet!!!

Have you ever asked her WHY she doesn't want sex as often?

Tired? Stress? Hormones? Feeling thst she's only there for one thing? The reason and admittance thst you're on Fab? Etc.

Talk. Thats your first priority!

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By *estarossa.Woman
over a year ago

Flagrante

"When I go without sex for long periods my mental health takes a nose dive I start to get paranoid. upset.angry n very hurt .but partner thinks sex 3 weeks to up to 1 time in 5 weeks is ok this topic has caursed lots of arguments n so on I have a high sex drive but clearly she dosnt "

Its likely that you and she see things very differently.

Imagine feeling that you Have to have sex with someone to pacify them, so they dont get upset and paranoid? Sounds coercive now, doesn't it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its likely that you and she see things very differently.

Imagine feeling that you Have to have sex with someone to pacify them, so they dont get upset and paranoid? Sounds coercive now, doesn't it?"

Been there!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its likely that you and she see things very differently.

Imagine feeling that you Have to have sex with someone to pacify them, so they dont get upset and paranoid? Sounds coercive now, doesn't it?"
I agree but you might as well be living with your brother/sister

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And this is why I'm single...

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

I’ll have her if it’s every 3 weeks

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By *hitney NeilWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in a marmite jar near you.

"I’ll have her if it’s every 3 weeks

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By *estarossa.Woman
over a year ago

Flagrante

Its likely that you and she see things very differently.

Imagine feeling that you Have to have sex with someone to pacify them, so they dont get upset and paranoid? Sounds coercive now, doesn't it? I agree but you might as well be living with your brother/sister "

You realise as soon as you put "but" in a sentence it makes what goes before it void?

How about it being a mutual thing, because she/he/they wants to rather than an obligation?

No one is obliged to give you sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is nothing new

Women get fed up with the same sec when they hit menopause it’s a great excuse not to try

Then they make it so hard to get a bit that it simply isn’t worth trying

Many many guys are on here n fab guys as it’s a way of getting a little sexual frustration out

Forget the bullshit about therapy etc etc

She isn’t going to be the way she was, things have changed

The decision is either you split which for most guys isn’t sn option or you have to change and deal with it

Ignore the haters they aren’t in the same place, well meaning people mostly aren’t in the same place

It’s down to you buddy..your move as they say

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By *eighton40 OP Man
over a year ago

liverpool

I've thought about this ie its felt like a token gesture lately ie last 8 to 6 months

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd be happy

especially when the football is on. Like, get off me

There's more to life than emptying the old nut sack, gets boring!

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By *estarossa.Woman
over a year ago

Flagrante

This is nothing new

Women get fed up with the same sec when they hit menopause it’s a great excuse not to try

Then they make it so hard to get a bit that it simply isn’t worth trying

Many many guys are on here n fab guys as it’s a way of getting a little sexual frustration out

Forget the bullshit about therapy etc etc

She isn’t going to be the way she was, things have changed

The decision is either you split which for most guys isn’t sn option or you have to change and deal with it

Ignore the haters they aren’t in the same place, well meaning people mostly aren’t in the same place

It’s down to you buddy..your move as they say "

Do you hear yourself?

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By *eighton40 OP Man
over a year ago

liverpool

I dont treat her like a skivey or housewife I do my fare share as for a shit shag I'd disagree from past experiences I'm not a shit shag but things may run much deeper time to talk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe LeRoy squares it away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is between you and your partner.

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By *otbeefandonionsCouple
over a year ago

Bathgate

Try to show her lots of non sexual affection. Lots of forehead kisses, back strokes, cuddles - with no anticipation or expectation of sex

Try talking to her. Is she feeling shit or worried or stressed about something? Is her mental health poor?

But do it calmly, and don't say it's because you aren't getting sex cause that will immediately put her on the defensive

Just have an open honest non accusatory chat about life in general and how she's feeling

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Once every 3-5 weeks. No need to brag.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Have a wank.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find that when I'm in a relationship and I'm the one left with carrying the mental load of everything then my libido will take a nose dive. I don't know your situation or set up but this is usually a problem in a lot of relationships, the constant thinking of what needs to be done and what needs sorting, you may help physically with jobs , kids etc but is she the one that constantly directs your attention to it? That is what I mean by mental load.

Obviously this may not be the case in your situation.

You need to communicate open and honestly as to what is wrong no anger or accusation.

Counselling could help, I would first have a sit down conversation. Women usually will talk if they feel emotionally safe, same for men.

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Carlisle

Get a 22 year old Swedish au pair who walks round the house naked without anything wobbling - make sure you work from home a lot…doesn’t matter if anything happens she’ll assume it is as women are driven by crazed insecurity jealousy and revenge- she’ll be on your johnson 24/7 to prove she still ‘has’ it !!

Stock up on ginseng and goji berries because your cock is going to be like Heathrow!!!

*advice above might not be backed up by any science and as always with women there’s a chance she’ll just feed you cat food & syrup of figs as ‘enchiladas’ and you’ll shit both kidneys out!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would love to see the “advice” of the OP was a woman.

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By *eighton40 OP Man
over a year ago

liverpool

I'm dammed if I come clean n dammed if I dont

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would love to see the “advice” of the OP was a woman."

No sympathy for a devil, but for a wounded angel ?……

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shocking replies to this post. Goes to show that this is the last place to come to when seeking advice about anything. You will be blamed for everything that's wrong in your relationship and if people cannot blame you then they will tell you to leave her. It's like women can't do any wrong and men are just sex mad and a wank to xhamster will solve everything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would love to see the “advice” of the OP was a woman.

Probably exactly the same except the incel dude.

Mrs"

Last time I seen a post like this by a woman the advice went along the lines of…

“Gurrrrrl, that man is not good, go out and get the dick that you deserve”

I might be paraphrasing slightly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there’s always a reason when one of the two people isn’t interested in sex and intimacy. Sounds like you need to have a brutally honest conversation and find out what’s killed her libido.

Could be something as simple as she’s struggling with confidence and you saying you want “sex” and not you want her, could be doing it. Could be anything but you won’t know until you have that conversation

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By *esmdMan
over a year ago

Woodhall Spa

My wife is interested in sex so I look elsewhere x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would love to see the “advice” of the OP was a woman.

Probably exactly the same except the incel dude.

Mrs

Last time I seen a post like this by a woman the advice went along the lines of…

“Gurrrrrl, that man is not good, go out and get the dick that you deserve”

I might be paraphrasing slightly."

No I said exactly those words

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"I would love to see the “advice” of the OP was a woman.

Probably exactly the same except the incel dude.

Mrs

Last time I seen a post like this by a woman the advice went along the lines of…

“Gurrrrrl, that man is not good, go out and get the dick that you deserve”

I might be paraphrasing slightly."

I'd be giving the exact same advice.

Mrs

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By *randMrsNorthernCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire

"I would love to see the “advice” of the OP was a woman.

No sympathy for a devil, but for a wounded angel ?……"

This and this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would love to see the “advice” of the OP was a woman.

Probably exactly the same except the incel dude.

Mrs

Last time I seen a post like this by a woman the advice went along the lines of…

“Gurrrrrl, that man is not good, go out and get the dick that you deserve”

I might be paraphrasing slightly.

No I said exactly those words

It does sound like you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would love to see the “advice” of the OP was a woman.

Probably exactly the same except the incel dude.

Mrs

Last time I seen a post like this by a woman the advice went along the lines of…

“Gurrrrrl, that man is not good, go out and get the dick that you deserve”

I might be paraphrasing slightly.

I'd be giving the exact same advice.

Mrs "

I don’t agree with either sex joining fab to get their jollies behind their partners back but I will call out a double standard.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think there’s always a reason when one of the two people isn’t interested in sex and intimacy. Sounds like you need to have a brutally honest conversation and find out what’s killed her libido.

….

Mr"

Oh this is the best advice to take op.

And be prepared to be the one being honest too. Don’t hide anything because people know when you hold back, and then they do too.

Also, you might not like the outcome, (experience pal,) If you love her, REALLY LOVE HER!!!! Make sure with everything you have, that she knows this before you even begin to approach the subject.

Good luck op.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Thanks for the information.

Are you going to do something about it ? What have you tried so far ?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I would love to see the “advice” of the OP was a woman.

Probably exactly the same except the incel dude.

Mrs

Last time I seen a post like this by a woman the advice went along the lines of…

“Gurrrrrl, that man is not good, go out and get the dick that you deserve”

I might be paraphrasing slightly."

But by a different person to a different person and possibly by a different gender.

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By *pslad99Man
over a year ago

colchester

Mate it got to be Mutual wanking when your horny is a good 2nd wife lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You can't push your paranoia and upset on someone not giving you sex.

If sex is causing arguments I wouldn't want it either, gives me a negative association with it.

Can't you talk civilly and find out why she's wanting less sex?

For me sex starts in the day, the little flirting with each other, the shows of affection etc.... If that's not there neither is my want for sex.

Maybe go back to basics start dating again get that spark back?

Mrs "

This 100%

Mrs C

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would love to see the “advice” of the OP was a woman.

Probably exactly the same except the incel dude.

Mrs

Last time I seen a post like this by a woman the advice went along the lines of…

“Gurrrrrl, that man is not good, go out and get the dick that you deserve”

I might be paraphrasing slightly.

But by a different person to a different person and possibly by a different gender.

Not always.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"I would love to see the “advice” of the OP was a woman.

Probably exactly the same except the incel dude.

Mrs

Last time I seen a post like this by a woman the advice went along the lines of…

“Gurrrrrl, that man is not good, go out and get the dick that you deserve”

I might be paraphrasing slightly.

I'd be giving the exact same advice.

Mrs

I don’t agree with either sex joining fab to get their jollies behind their partners back but I will call out a double standard."

Neither do I, I'd still give the same feedback, no double standards thank you.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would love to see the “advice” of the OP was a woman.

Probably exactly the same except the incel dude.

Mrs

Last time I seen a post like this by a woman the advice went along the lines of…

“Gurrrrrl, that man is not good, go out and get the dick that you deserve”

I might be paraphrasing slightly.

I'd be giving the exact same advice.

Mrs

I don’t agree with either sex joining fab to get their jollies behind their partners back but I will call out a double standard.

Neither do I, I'd still give the same feedback, no double standards thank you.

Mrs "

Apologies. I wasn’t calling you out. I was speaking in general terms in reply to your comment.

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By *age500Woman
over a year ago

ashton-under-lyne

Maybe try finding a new partner then. Because I should imagine that infidelity will cause her mental health and self confidence to take a nose dive.

It’s fair enough to have a high sex drive but no one should be hurt because of it

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By *ravelling_WilburyMan
over a year ago

Beverley

"my wife doesn't understand me"

Have a wank and be happy someone loves you for other reasons

The sex has fuck all to do with your paranoia and hurt feelings. Pleasung her in other ways could be mutually beneficial in the long run. Do you have a romantic bone in your body? Are you loving, or do you just sit in front of your phone or laptop all night, counting the 35 days til your next bang?

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By *age500Woman
over a year ago

ashton-under-lyne

"Shocking replies to this post. Goes to show that this is the last place to come to when seeking advice about anything. You will be blamed for everything that's wrong in your relationship and if people cannot blame you then they will tell you to leave her. It's like women can't do any wrong and men are just sex mad and a wank to xhamster will solve everything. "

No one’s saying op is entirely to blame…but if one person doesn’t want sex and one person wants lots of it then someone is going to get hurt regardless of the resolution. If arguments have been had about it then I’m assuming there has already been talks about it but no resolution. People recommend leaving aren’t saying that op is a horrendous person (well at least I’m not haha), we’re saying that it would prevent even more hurt that infidelity causes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""my wife doesn't understand me"

Have a wank and be happy someone loves you for other reasons

…. "

A wank doesn’t satisfy a natural human urge for skin to skin contact for some people. That type of sensual connection isn’t the same if knocking one off in the shower.

This type of attitude is where people won’t open up.

Op. Try looking for advice somewhere else maybe than the lounge on a sex website.

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By *ilverfox for youMan
over a year ago

Hull

How long have you been together ?time to move on im afraid !failing that tell her you need to find a fwb

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By *ravelling_WilburyMan
over a year ago

Beverley

""my wife doesn't understand me"

Have a wank and be happy someone loves you for other reasons

….

A wank doesn’t satisfy a natural human urge for skin to skin contact for some people. That type of sensual connection isn’t the same if knocking one off in the shower.

This type of attitude is where people won’t open up.

Op. Try looking for advice somewhere else maybe than the lounge on a sex website.

Does it really sound like he is giving anything back? There's absolutely no balance, so I've gone with the info I have

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By *espacito56Man
over a year ago

Orkney

"Hence why there's alot of men on fab. It's difficult for a woman as we're not sexually driven the same way as men, hence why you should try swinging."

Tbf some women are. I have a friend, same age as me, who's totally driven. Enthusiastic and vigorous, sexually. Non stop.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I see this is your first post in the forum. Welcome!

A lot of people seem to have missed the words that stand out to me 'upset' 'angry' and 'hurt'. I infer from them that you equate sex with feeling loved and therefore feel rejected. It's clear this is causing you anguish. Have you explained your feelings to your wife in that way?

I don't know you or your wife but would it be possible to suggest relationship counselling to her or would you consider going alone?

Whatever the outcome I hope you can resolve this in a way that leaves you both in a better place

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By *heHookyMonsterMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"You can't push your paranoia and upset on someone not giving you sex.

If sex is causing arguments I wouldn't want it either, gives me a negative association with it.

Can't you talk civilly and find out why she's wanting less sex?

For me sex starts in the day, the little flirting with each other, the shows of affection etc.... If that's not there neither is my want for sex.

Maybe go back to basics start dating again get that spark back?

Mrs "

This - totally!

My marriage ended after 13 years without a sniff. Communication was impossible as it was never honest. My ex. used deflection by blaming me for everything in life and kept me on the back foot constantly, with a dangled Carrot that was never going to be allowed to be grabbed.

Communication is key to resolving these situations. Personally I wouldn't suggest swinging was a good answer, unless you actually end the relationship.

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

Its likely that you and she see things very differently.

Which is why I left. Best thing I ever done. Living with him was soul destroying.

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By *ravelling_WilburyMan
over a year ago

Beverley

Profile hidden.

My advice would be to delete your profile and sort shit out. Have a proper talk about what you want from each other. Don't just dive in there with I want more sex. I see so many couples who go on date nights and are just nursing drinks and looking in opposite directions. I often wonder do they actually talk about their day, issues and aspirations, and do they no longer like each other?

I couldn't be in a relationship like that. You have one crack at it and when two people are miserable its time to call it out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know someone who's husband has kissed her once in 20 years and had sex once on their wedding night. Apart from the intimacy ( she gets that here) their marriage is fine. He knows she's on here and it doesn't bother him in the slightest.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I know someone who's husband has kissed her once in 20 years and had sex once on their wedding night. Apart from the intimacy ( she gets that here) their marriage is fine. He knows she's on here and it doesn't bother him in the slightest."

There are so many different ways of having a successful marriage aren't there

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Hence why there's alot of men on fab. It's difficult for a woman as we're not sexually driven the same way as men, hence why you should try swinging.

Tbf some women are. I have a friend, same age as me, who's totally driven. Enthusiastic and vigorous, sexually. Non stop."

Quite

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

Sounds like you aren't compatible with your partner OP, I couldn't and wouldn't be with someone that didn't want to have sex with me regularly

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

In any relationship these types of situations can only arise where one sees the other not as a whole person but as a provider of things they need.

No relationship can survive based on someone being able to dispense something when the feeling for the something lies in the other .....

At meal times do people get ratty if they wanted to eat and their partner wasn't hungry ?

I feel for the O.P. If he believes he must fuck or die then fuck he must.

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By *oomarangMan
over a year ago

Chester

I was living in a sexless marriage (27 years) my ex wife thought it was normal to only have sex once maybe twice a year we have now split up and yet I’m still struggling to find anyone who wants to meet so yes it does make you start over thinking that there something wrong with you abd plays in your mental health. All I can suggest is try talking to her about it and try and plan date nights that’s where I went wrong. I tried talking to my ex and it blew up so I went and did the unthinkable and cheated. If she goes off her head just stay calm if she’s not willing to try then tell her what you’re doing she what she says

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

"And this is why I'm single...

It’s probably more because you’re only looking for 99 year old men….

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

If you love your wife then you can go without i did for many years but eventually i had to leave, so if its making you ill and you can't talk to her about it then your only option is to leave. Sex with the same person does get a bit monotonous thats why I'm here but having said that i like to be in a relationship so i can cope with it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you love your wife then you can go without i did for many years but eventually i had to leave, so if its making you ill and you can't talk to her about it then your only option is to leave. Sex with the same person does get a bit monotonous thats why I'm here but having said that i like to be in a relationship so i can cope with it

I think it works both ways. If your partner loves you then they should want to at least find out why they don’t want sex.

We had a dry spell a few years back and we talked about it for weeks and decided to make more time for each other.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Talk to her. Not argue or demand. She has needs too, and her right to have what she needs sexually also needs to be respected, even if it conflicts with what you need.

You may need to decide what's more important, your sex drive or your relationship. But before that you need to have an open, honest, and loving conversation.

You may also need to learn to manage your mental health in other ways.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Also, as someone who has had conflicts about this in relationships in the past - the way I was more likely to put out, as it were, was to be made to feel safe. If it was about my ex and his needs, my knees would slam shut.

When he made me feel safe, looked after, respected and cherished, it gave me the psychological space to work through the reasons why I wasn't in the mood for sex, and it was more likely to happen.

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By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow

To some extent I agree especially with the tone of some of the comments, since deleted. First rule of Forum "show respect for others users and you can't go far wrong" is easily forgotten. Especially true if somebody is mentioning mental health.

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

I think it works both ways. If your partner loves you then they should want to at least find out why they don’t want sex.

We had a dry spell a few years back and we talked about it for weeks and decided to make more time for each other. "
Well its good you could work it out by talking about it but the Op seems to be trying to talk about it but getting nowhere

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it works both ways. If your partner loves you then they should want to at least find out why they don’t want sex.

We had a dry spell a few years back and we talked about it for weeks and decided to make more time for each other. Well its good you could work it out by talking about it but the Op seems to be trying to talk about it but getting nowhere

I think the difference is we talked and didn’t argue. We talked through what each of us could do to try and resolve the issue and made commitments to try our best. It’s amazing what can be achieved with good communication.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

^^ both people need to want to communicate. That's your strength

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is between you and your partner. "

To elaborate my advice is simply to talk to your partner. Advice from randoms is great but ultimately you need to know how she feels and she needs to know how you feel. Only you two have the solutions. Not us.

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By *rigbyMan
over a year ago

Skelmersdale

To quote that great philosopher Charlie Brown "oh good grief!"

From the go,this op wasn't going to get any helpful advice, immediate battle lines drawn between the most strident views on both sides

I would imagine that,talking hasn't worked to start with,therapy only if she agrees to go, the I'm happy on my owns,the seek sex elsewhere's,the automatic 'its you're problem because you're a man,deal with it's'

Saying your mental health suffers and you get angry doesn't sound good op,

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By *usie pTV/TS
over a year ago

taunton

Mmm if I was having sex with my wife every few weeks I would consider myself very fortunate, some of us are not very good at communication and it does take two willing to communicate to achieve something. The mental health of men with out a sex life is a thing I rarely see discussed but for me it has been soul destroying, but we all have the power to do something about it so it is our choice.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Welcome to the forum OP. Please don't be put off from using the forum

To the people this applies to some replies are very patronising and not very friendly at all and even attacking the man going by his answer on one post. You could see how this thread was going to go by the second post as it set the trend as to how some people think men are disgusting for discussing lack of sex. They are not, it is allowed. If it was a female starting the thread we wouldn't have this reaction.

So can we have a bit of respect for other people and their posts please and if you can't do that, please avoid the thread or forum itself.

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